Changing the Language of the Tuition Debate

There are very few subjects in the Orthodox world that inspire more passion, more emotion, more fear, more heartache, more blame, and more sinah than Yeshiva and Day School tuition. Discussing tuition is sure to lead to a "blame game." I have heard the tuition crisis is the "fault" of kollel families, stay at home moms, people who have more kids than they can "afford" ("afford" refers to being able to pay full tuition apparently, not put food on the table for their children) and people who indulge in luxuries like Pesach vacations.

Besides the fact that the "blame game" is completely unproductive (even counterproductive), it reeks of sinat chinam. Lately I have been thinking that if we were only to change the vocabulary we use to talk about tuition and the costs of running a school, we could, at a minimum, take a bite our of the atmosphere of sinah that pervades the subject of tuition.

So, here are a few areas where I believe a bit of understanding of economics and even halacha would help to improve the direction or the debate:

1. There is no such thing as a "Cost Per Student": Oftentimes yeshivot and day schools let the community know how much it costs to educate a student in their efforts to set tuition for the schoolyear or to demonstate the high cost of education in hopes of raising money. People connect well to this number as they are able to make sense of this numbers. But, in reality the number is actually fairly meaningless figure.

On top of being a fairly meaningless figure, the figure inspires plenty of controversy and antagonism towards those who are unable to pay their "fair share." It also upsets those who believe that they are paying more than their "fair share." I have even heard a number of well respected people state that if a person cannot afford to pay the "fair share" (the per head cost for their child(ren)), that they should find a different school. (Thanks, with your attitude, I'd be more than happy to leave YOU with more costs to educate your children).

The fact of the matter is that the "Cost Per Student" is a fairly useless figure when it comes to telling us about how much it costs to run a school. What we really need to be talking about is fixed costs and variable costs.

Most of the costs of running a school are fixed costs (i.e. costs that remain despite minor changes in enrollment). A good example of fixed costs is the cost of staff. Assuming that a school cannot cut a staff member or is not forced to add a staff member, it really does not matter whether there are 10 students sitting in a class, or 30 students sitting in a class. The salaries and benefits paid to the staff remain the same.

A good example of a variable cost is the cost of materials, supplies, and textbooks. In fact, the cost of materials, supplies, and textbooks may be one of the few variable costs that can be easily identified in an entire school budget.

Naturally, many costs include a fixed element and a variable element. A significant increase in enrollment might require greater building costs beyond the current costs if more classrooms must be added. An afterschool event might add to the costs of utilities.

If schools would publicize a schedule of costs to run a school that considers the fixed and variable costs, parents and community members would realize that it is better to have seats occupied by students paying reduced tuition than unoccupied seats that generate NO revenue!

For example, a schedule could be published in this format:

Students Costs
40-120 students $730,000
121-360 students $1,452,000
361-1080 students $3,685,000

Students who fill what would be otherwise empty seats and who require no special services, do not cost more than the supplies, materials, and textbooks that they use. We should be thankful that parents who cannot carry the full burden of tuition paying beyond the cost that can be directly attributed to their children, rather than finding alternatives for their children, causing tuition, that "per student" cost, to increase for everyone else. Chances are that if enrollment in your kid's school declined by 50% tomorrow that costs would only decline by a small fraction and your tuition would nearly double.

2. The money that someone spent on a luxury isn't necessarily money that will go to the school. Another fallacious argument that is often heard is that is Mr. and Mrs. Ploni did not take a vacation to such and such a place that the school would have more money.

Now, assuming Mr. and Mrs. Ploni are Erlich people who are paying full tuition and are giving tzedakah in accordance with halacha, they are entitled to remainder of the the money that they make. I.e. That money is theirs to do with as they please. They can choose to save the money (perhaps a wiser choice) or spend the money on ridiculous extravaganzas. But, it is their money.

So, while we should certainly encourage modesty in consumption, we should never assume that schools would have more money if indulgent, yet full tuition paying, families spent less on themselves.

Perhaps, it is worthwhile to investigate a sliding tuition scale based on income, and it is certainly worthwhile to make community members understand that schools need their support and schools should be a top ma'aser priority, but it is silly to assume that the money an upstanding family pays to indulge themselves would have ended up in the school's pocket had they not indulged themselves.

Some thoughts to ponder. I'm looking foward to your comments.

Marriage, The Most Important Factor(s)

For a change of pace, I thought I'd pose a question to my readers. I know you are out there as the Sitemeter nears 500 (yippee!). Being that I "dabble" in shidduchim and being that we have a number of single friends who come to our home and make it a warmer and happier place, the subject of dating, marriage, and what is ultimately important often comes up.

Obviously there are many important factors in marriage, but I thought it would be interesting to try to narrow them down to an easy phrase to remember, a "bottom line" factor that, if it was missing, a relationship would be near impossible.

I've come up with an idea which I will share later, but first I'd like to hear your ideas.

Kids @ Risk Revisited"
Some observations of the latest edition of the Jewish Observer

The latest edition of the Jewish Observer was excellent overall. The cover story and its many related articles addressed the hot button topic of "Children-At-Risk." The many articles covered a host of subjects and gave a host of advice that I never though I would see in this publication. For example, the articles spoke about the "overemphasis on conformity," a subject about which I am compassionate. Being that this is the "Orthonomics" blog, I must state, as a tangent, that many of the economic issues in the frum community could alleviated if people felt free do do what they wanted to do and could afford to do. The articles also addressed the idea that one should not be too rigid in their restrictions (although I am unsure how the article that stated such fits in with the article that lauds Lakewood's Internet Ban for which "the schools would not accept a child whose home had a computer with access to the Internet"). To make it brief, the numerous articles are a worthwhile read, especially as they do not seem to make an attempt to shove issues under a rug.

However, there were some rather odd moments and omissions that I would like to note:

1. Parnasa, Why mentioned only in passing? While the issue of parnasa (and tuition) was briefly touched upon, it seems to only be touched upon in passing and as an aside. In my opinion, the issue of parnasah and tuition deserves more than a mention in passing, it deserves it's own article, if not its own issue. In my opinion, it is clear that today's family environment is different than that of past generations, and not just because of the technological advancements like the internet!

It used to be that young children were cared for by their mothers, or by other family members when absolutely necessary. It used to be that young ladies would not even consider dating a young man who could not provide for them. A young man who showed little to no signs that he would ever be able to provide certainly was not headed for the proverbial alter. It used to be that school children would walk in the door to the loving smile of their mother. It used to be that mothers would show up randomly at school or at social gatherings to "check in." Being that I grew up in a household where my parents were likely to show up wherever I was, I can certainly say in all honesty that it kept me out of a lot of trouble that I might have found if they were not so watchful.

In today's Orthodox communities, a full time homemaker is the exception rather than the rule. Many young ladies will not even consider dating a young man who can provide for them. A young man who shows little to no signs that he will ever be able to provide doesn't seem to have less of a chance of marrying than anyone else. School children are greeted at the door by caregivers who share very little in common with the children and certainly have no long term interest in them. And, mothers rarely have the time to check in randomly.

While it is unlikely that we will ever be able to go back in time and re-create a society of a different generation, I think that we need to acknowledge that lack of parental time is an underlying issue and that "quality" time cannot replace "quantity" time. I think we should not idealize the "supermom" as much and make our children believe that this is the ideal. While the "supermom" may appear to "do it all," that is probably not the case. The "average mom" who sets limits and sets her priorities is a fine role model also and should be acknowledged as such. I think we also need to teach our children good financial habits early. While it may be impossible to place mothers back in the home when their children get home from school, or even keep mothers in the home throughout the first year of their children's lives (especially in large, large families), the choices that might have been available are often not because of poor decisions made in one's youth.

2. Couples need not overextend themselves: The issue of the "supermom" and the "average mom" brings me to my next observation: couples need not "do it all." As was noted above, time is limited. In the first article of the Jewish Observer where parnasa was mentioned in passing, it says [in the name of Rabbi Shmuel Kamenetsky] "that a child needs to always know that his parents are always ready to listen to him. But, sadly, we are often too busy to listen to our children. Sometimes it is due to the crush of parnassa - other times it is the result of the constant stream of simchos and mitzvos that seem to have taken over our lives. (Seriously, between chasunos and Sheva Berachos, Bar and Bas mitzvahs, lechayims, vorts, Pidyon Habens, shul and yeshiva dinners, PTAs and shidduch and chessed meetings, all of which we must attend, is it any wonder that we have children at risk? They are raising themselves!)

While I'm pretty sure that the part in parenthesis was tongue-in-cheek and that the point was that we don't need to be involved with every event, nor every simcha, I would have made sure to emphasis that is was tongue-in-cheek. Orthomom touched on this issue in her post "Nanny Park." Nevertheless, I think it is important to emphasize that one need not "do it all" and that it is important to set limits. Baruch Hashem there is a constant stream of events, which shows that the frum community is alive and well. But, there is no requirement to attend every simcha. Certain smachot could definitely take a back seat, especially lechayims and vorts. I await the day that the Yeshivot and Day schools allow parents to opt to donate the full amount of their seats at the dinner in lew of going and having to hire a babysitter to boot!

3. The Israel Experience: In a discussion about seminaries and Yeshivot in Israel an article brings to light a number of issues students face. I really cannot address the issue of the "year in Israel" as I was never zoche to be able to spend a year learning. But, it seemed that the Jewish Observer accepted the answer from educators that they cannot do anything more to protect the children. The article states [in regards to boys in "top" Yeshivot] that "they are treated as adults in many of these yeshivos, with no supervision in basic aspects of their daily routine. There is no accountability for davening with a minyan and keeping sedarim." It seems to me that at the very least that attendance could be taken and any gaps in attendance be reported back to the parents. Being that the parents are paying upwards of $14,000 a year for this experience, it seems that the least that could be done is to let the parents know when a kid is cutting class.

Readers--please chime it.

The Parenting Crisis IV: Chas V'Shalom you actually raise your children, More crassly know as "Don't breed 'em if you won't raise 'em"

The following letter appeared in last week's Yated and is so disturbing, yet so demonstrative of current trends in the (lack of) child rearing, that it deserves its own post and discussion. So, dear readers, please add your comments.

While the letter writer may be extreme, the underlying attitudes that she takes, are actually fairly common in my estimation. The fact of the manner is that there are plenty of people who approach child rearing in a very self-centered way. They do not want to be inconvenienced by their children and their needs. They do not want to interrupt their own schedules for the good of their children. Basically, they want to have the children and let someone else take responsibility for them.

VACATION? WHY?
Dear Editor,
Having just finished Chanukah vacation, I feel that mid-winter vacation is uncalled for, in regard to the younger grades, at least. Children ages 3 to 11 do not need a long break. Here in Lakewood, as well as in New York, most mothers are working. Mid-winter vacation causes a tremendous strain on the families as to what to do on Friday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, etc. Let me propose the following:

If the schools want to give a break, great! Let them take the kids on special trips, which everyone would love. Schools can have drama groups, dance, choirs, etc. Making everyone happy! If the teachers refuse to do this, let them hire people, or accept volunteers from the older girls, who need experience.

On top of the sheer absurdity that teachers, who have to deal with children day in and day out for longer waking hours than the parents will ever have to endure, do not deserve break for their own benefit, is the underlying attitude of entitlement. Everyone else (i.e. teachers and teenagers) should take responsibility for these parents' child, except, of course, the parents.

One would not buy a dog and then insist that the neighbor's child should entertain and walk the dog voluntarily! Why should one have children and then expect everyone else to pick up the slack (voluntarily, no less) while they go out to work or learn. At the very least, offer to pay for your demands!

While on this topic, I feel that schools in general show disrespect for parents in a different way. Dismissal days when there is no busing is at 2:30, 2:45, 3:00 and 3: 30 for different ages, necessitating anyone who has more than one child to spend countless time and effort picking up the kids. Can't the times be consolidated?

I certainly have no argument with this point. Elementary school dismissal time should be uniform, especially parents are required to pick their children up. A parent should be able to pick up all children attending the same school at the same time. Same goes for vacation time. It is important for families to spend time together. Time is the most important ingredient to keeping families together and connected. Vacation time should be scheduled at a time that is best for parents and the mid-winter January break is hardly qualifies for most.

Or, when a kid is punished, the parents receive a phone call from the school: Your child is being punished. Come pick him up now. It doesn't matter if the mother or father is working, or the father is sitting and learning.

Signed,
Trying To Make a Living

As I like to say, there is one job that you cannot pay someone to do. You can pay someone to clean your home, watch your child, or teach your child. But, you cannot expect any of these people to actually raise you child because they do not have a long-term vested interest in doing so.

For the sake of the school environment and the sake of the child, it is absolutely necessary to involve the parents in discipline. The teachers are the agents of the parents, but to successfully do their job they need the involvement of the parents. When I was in (public) elementary school, I believe that nearly every mother was within a 15 minute walk or drive from the school, whether they worked or stayed at home. The school could build the discipline it needed to build because the parents were available, not absent.

But, what is the most disturbing aspect of this letter is the attitude that even the FATHERS WHO ARE SITTING AND LEARNING cannot be bothered to enforce the discipline that is so necessary for their own children's wellbeing!!! These fathers are local and available. They are not far away, nor are they unavailable, unlike their wives who must attempt to be the breadwinner. What good is a Torah if you don't put it into practice by being mechanech your children?

Yes, many mothers need to work (especially those that opted for a live where their husbands do not work), but when you have children you are responsible for them and their development. You will be inconvenienced, so expect it and accept it.

As the saying goes, "Don't breed 'em if you won't raise 'em." It may be crass, but in this case it is applicable.

United Yeshiva and Hebrew Day School Fund, Part II
Stiff Necked Opposition

In Part I, I reviewed an excellent article by Elliot Pasik "Resolving the Yeshiva Tuition Crisis." In this article, Mr. Pasik proposes a central address where donations, especially large donations, can be received to benefit Yeshivot and day schools. For many reasons I believe that this idea is not only an excellent one for the reasons I addressed, but I believe it is a necessary idea if Orthodox schools intend to attract major donations. A fund that is run by competent professionals with transparency and integrity has the potential to with attract large donations as well as the donations of people who are not closely connected to a specific school. The funds would be much more secure as individual schools would not have the potential to "borrow" against restricted funds. A fund would bring creative and innovative ideas to the forefront, making Orthodox education a concern of the entire community rather than individual schools. Lastly, large fund generate larger returns. Small and non-existent funds that were spent yesterday cannot generate anything.

One of my readers opposes the idea stating:

"I have to say, I'm not sure I wholly agree. There are several day schools and yeshivot in my "out of town" community. There's a community day school that has more money than they know what to do with. There's the mod orthodox school where my kids go, and there's the yeshiva. I don't want to split my limited $$ to go to schools with which I fundamentally disagree, on either side of the spectrum. I want to support my school. It's not so much selfishness, as it is disagreement with the other schools. Coeducation is important in my family, so I don't want to support a non-coed school. Orthodox education is important, so I don't want to support the non-Orthodox school."

It seems that there is a misunderstanding as to what a central fund is and what it is not. The proposed idea is a fund for Orthodox schools. A central fund is not meant to divert donations that a particular parent or a particular community member wants to direct to a particular school. A central fund is meant to collect funds from people who want to donate to Orthodox education, but who do not have a particular "pet" school or who do not want to limit their donations to one particular school. In addition, the fund is needed because many donors of significant means want to ensure that the funds donated are treated with the fiduciary duty that they should be treated with. The bottom line is that individual schools do not usually have this capability, nor do they have the fiscal know how required to grow funds. **You wouldn't give your hard earned money to a Rosh Yeshiva to invest because he has neither the time nor the expertise to do so. So, why would you give large sums of money to an individual school that you know does not have the time or expertise for investing? **

The other subject of only supporting what one agrees with 100% that I figured would (sadly) come up sooner or later. The pessimistic side of my personality often says, why even bother trying to get involved in tuition issues. Eventually Jewish education will collapse on itself because the Jewish people are a "stiff-necked" people and are unwilling to bend and compromise even when their own pocketbooks and the future of their own grandchildrens' education is at risk. They are unwilling to work for the greater good if it does not meet the exact specifications that they deem as worthy. Achdus died long ago and we are a fragmented people. We can't even agree on basic issues, how are we ever going to even make a dent in a huge issue?

Mr. Pasik's article is full of great ideas that are solid from a communal and an economic standpoint. But, from the moment I read the article, I said to myself that despite the solid ideas it seems like a far off pipe-dream to institute common sense ideas because we just don't seem to be able to see the big picture. Readers, I'm calling on you to see the big picture and hopefully prove to me that there is hope for the future of Jewish education and that the future is a bit brighter than it seems to look in my current pessimistic state.

I know I have readers since I have a site meter. Please add your comments.

United Yeshiva and Hebrew Day School Funds,
plus Life Insurance Policies Can Benefit Yeshivot

I am currently doing a little research on different fundraising ideas that various day schools and Yeshivot throughout the United States are employing to raise funds for either the present or the future. Here I found an interesting idea that is very inexpensive for families and can yield large amounts down the road.

"All of us can help the school simply by remembering Yeshivat Rambam in our estates. For younger families, joint life insurance policies are an inexpensive way to provide the school with a lump sum bequest at a modest cost. For example, a premium as low as $200 per year, tax deductible, can buy a $100,000 life insurance policy for the benefit of Yeshivat Rambam. Depending on your circumstances, and with interest rates now so low, a life-income gift to Yeshivat Rambam may offer some of us very special tax advantages."

I have heard that in the Catholic Church it is basically a requirement for members to take out an additional life insurance plan that benefits the church and its schools. This looks to be a very inexpensive way for families to, after 120 years, give a major gift to benefit Jewish education.

However, I believe that planned giving and endowments where only one institution is a beneficiary, are highly unattractive for your average family. As Mr. Pasik states in an article titled "Resolving the Yeshiva Tuition Crisis," it is necessary that the Orthodox community establish a "The United Yeshiva and Hebrew Day School Fund." There are many ways to establish such funds. There could be a national fund or even regional funds. But, like Mr. Pasik points out there must be a central address for donations.

• The future is uncertain and donors prefer certainty. There is no way to know that any Yeshiva will continue to exist into the future. Unfortunately, many Yeshivot come and go.
• Grandparents and great-grandparents want to benefit the schools that their grandchildren are attending or will attend. With large families spread throughout the United States and the world, it does not make sense to give large gifts to individual schools; it makes more sense to give to a central fund or regional funds that will benefit the grandchildren no matter what school they are attending or will attend.
• Charitable organizations, especially our schools, are notorious for living for yesterday and not the future. Donors want to see their large gifts outlive them and continue to provide a Jewish education l'dor v'dor. Knowing that the gift could be borrowed against does not encourage the type of giving that needs to be encouraged.
• And, naturally, donors want to be ensured that a fund is being run with integrity and professionalism. A central fund has much greater potential of fiscal transparency which is a necessity to attract sizable gifts. As this letter writer to the Jewish Press stated in last week's letters to the editor entitled "Financial Accountability" states, "We must eradicate the perception that yeshivas and Jewish schools are run by individuals who are gaining personally from donations and contributions from the Jewish public. Let us work together to ensure the integrity of our yeshivas and that they meet high standards of financial accountability."

We need to call upon our Yeshivot and Day Schools to unite when creating endowment plans. Sharing ideas will only be to everyone's benefit. An umbrella organization to collect the funds has a much greater potential to actually organize donors and start collecting the large gifts that are currently going to designated for more "attractive" causes.

Parenting Crisis III: A Follow-Up

Here is an interesting quote that I found in this book. This quote confirms my suspicions, found at The Parenting Crisis III, regarding rewards, especially rewards that are really bribery or rewards that are offered too quickly or for very little accomplishment. If you already own Balanced Parenting: A father and son - a Rabbi and psychologist - examine love and limits in raising children, you can find this quote beginning on the bottom of p. 42:

"As discussed earlier, an overly punitive approach is not an effective
method of motivating children. One the other hand, parents assume that a reward
system is a beneficial way to motivate children. What is surprising to many
parents [not me!!!], are the potentially debilitating effects that the use of
rewards can have on children's motivation. A recent statistical analysis of over
100 studies examined the effect of rewards on children's' inner motivation to
complete a task. The surprising consensus of these studies was that even
rewards, such as money or stickers, significantly undermined a child's natural
drive to succeed. Rewards may result in temporary improvements, but once they
stop, children typically become unmotivated. The develop an externally driven
attitude with regard to learning that is predicated on a "What do I get for
doing this?" approach. "

The authors then go on to speak about a study where a group of children were promised a reward in advance for completing a task, while another group was not promised any rewards. The rewarded children chose the easiest task, while the children who were offered no reward chose tasks that were beyond their current ability level. [This is also no surprise to me. I remember in high school that a number of potential valedictorians dropped an extremely difficult class in Advanced Placement (AP) class because the teacher was known to only give a limited number of A's. In my four semester in this class, he never gave more than 6 A's to a class of about 35. And 6 was generous! These students opted for an easier class and were able to maintain their standings. Incidentally, the year after, the administration instituted a new grading scale that reward students who took Calculus, AP Composition, AP Science, and a fifth level in language.]

The authors also spoke about a study were young students were broken into three groups and given a new drink to try. The first group was offered no reward or praise for trying the drink. The second group was offered lavish praise. The third group was offered material rewards. Surprisingly enough [or not so surprising], the second and third groups eventually came to dislike the drink, while the first group settled into drinking it.

The author's conclusion is that motivation requires time, love, support, and nurturing unique abilities. Instant gratification is no solution in child rearing.

The Parenting Crisis III
Bribing vs. Motivating

A commenter name "Black Hatter" comments on my post about Gedolim Cards titled The Parenting Crisis II illustrates just how deep the "Parenting Crisis" is. Incidently, I coined this phrase all by myself because I do believe that parenting is in crisis mode today.

Black Hatter writes:
One more point. Gedolim cards have became
our parenting tool."If you go to sleep on time, you'll get a pack"If you don't
clean up, your NOT getting cards""stop fighting or your not getting cards."

I (SephardiLady) respond:
It is very dangerous territory to enter
where you parent by bribing to get good behavior, rather than rewarding good
behavior.What a parent should be doing is motivating. And, the examples you gave
are clearly not motivating. Motivation can include a reward, but what you listed
is not that. After a little back and forth,

Black Hatter asks:
do
you have at home 4 rowdy boys + 1 girl who tries to keep up with them, all under
the age of 9????????

I answer:
I don't think the number of children
that I have under the age of 9 is relevant. Parenting is about the long term and
whether you have 1 child under 9 or 6 children under 9 the goal is the same.

Black Hatter comes back to describe the scene in his home:
The scene
at my house this morning:
My youngest is crying because he wants a bottle.
My daughter is fighting with my 2nd boy because he took her doll away.
My middle one is jumping up and down screeching on top of his lungs.
My
oldest can't find his shoe and their bus is coming in 15 minutes....

Hey
boys - c'mon quiet down, OK OK I'll buy you each a pack of cards if you make it
on the school bus..Deafening silence. And they were at the bus stop 5 minutes
early.But it isn't "relevant". Right?

I once again will reiterate that the number of children is not relevant to this discussion. There are households with only one child that have more issues than 10 children can provide. What is relevant is a discussion of parenting methods and the pitfalls of some of them.

I'm sure we can all agree that when our children leave our homes that they are disciplined, mature, responsible, self-motivated, forward-thinking, respectable, and able to keep their emotions under control . Achieving all of this and more is no small feat. Parenting is probably the hardest job you will ever have. On top of siyata dishmaya, it requires consistency, structure, and a the self-discpiline on the parents' part to seek future results rather than immediate gratification. The opposition (i.e. your children) is cunning, persistant, and self-centered.

When a parent bribes a child to do a certain action (in this case get ready for school and get on the bus on time), he is basically playing into his children's vice characteristics. He is providing immediate gratification and stripping his children from experiencing the consequences of their actions (in this case missing the bus). As the children grow older, it is quite likely that their demands for what should be expected behavior (getting on the bus with backpack and lunch in hand) will continue to increase, knowing few boundaries.

What a parent really needs to do is motivate his* children to fulfill their responsibilites all by themselves. Motivation can include material rewards, but motivation is different than bribery in that motivation is forward-thinking and ingrains good habits. Bribery promotes immediate gratification, while doing nothing to ingrain good habits for the next day.

Another parenting issue is having low expectations and rewarding accomplishments that are just too small to reward with more than a compliment. Just recently I witnessed one of these parenting blunders. The parent promised the child a new toy for something that at his age he should be expected to do and do consistently. Maybe someday I will put our the question to my readers what chores they did at what ages. Today I see parents working themselves to the bone while the kids sit back and relax. Judging by some of the letters from parents of adult children to known frum columnists, the sitting back and relaxing extends well into adulthood and it is just unexceptable. But, children are not born complete. They are only raw materials and a parent must help shape them within the confines of their personality to become a mentsch.

I am certainly not a perfect parent, but I think the more that we all talk about parenting the more self-aware we will become of our own actions and the strong messages they send. While we all hopefully realize that sitting a child in front of a video so that we can get X, Y, or Z done, is lazy parenting, we often don't realize that fulfilling our children's demands and playing into their hands (you all know who is in charge, right?) is also a form of lazy parenting, parenting in the here and now.

That said, may I suggest a better way to approach the morning madhouse. Sit down and lay down the law. All children of elementary school age are responsible for getting their backpacks and lunches ready the night before school. When they wake up they are responsible for getting dressed, making their beds, eating breakfast, brushing their teeth, and getting to the bus stop with lunches and backpacks in hand. This behavior is expected and will be rewarded at the end of the week either through a small prize or a points systems that leads to an agreed upon, reasonable, and desired reward.

Now what happens if your children miss the bus? I'd be interested to hear some reasonable consequences. But, if it happened to my elementary school age son, they would have to pay me (or a cab) for their own ride to school. Obviously each child must have some of his own cash to be able to pay up, but if you choose not to provide your children with their own cash, I would suggest adding extra chores. Usually when something hits you in the pocketbook, it doesn't happen again. When I was young I broke something in my parents home and spent much of my summer working to pay back my parents. The lesson was learned well.

That's it for now. I look forward to seeing all of your comments after the weekend. Shabbat Shalom! Good Shabbos!

*I use the masculine form for simplicity.

More Blog Fodder from the Yated
A Preview of Upcoming Posts

Loyal readers, this week's Yated is providing way too much blog fodder. Last week the Yated provided us with the Parenting Crisis I and the Parenting Crisis II. Commenter "Black Hatter" has provided us with the promised third Parenting Crisis Series which deals with parents bribing their children to benefit themselves rather motivating their children and letting them suffer some consequences.

It is hard enough to find time to compose the 3rd installment of the "Parenting Crisis" when along comes the Yated to provide me with the following up and coming posts:

• The Parenting Crisis IV: Chas V'Shalom you actually involve yourself with your children and their chinuch (which could be more crassly be known as don't breed 'em if you can't raise 'em)
• Not another Crisis!: Cleaning lady issues (that I've never had to deal with)
• More on Gedolim Cards: The socialists among us
• A Beam of Light in the Yated: Old fashioned common sense from Rabbi Binyomin Ginsberg

Without people who think like the letter writers above, one wonders if there would be anything to blog about?

We are headed out for the weekend and time will only tell if another post will materialize before Shabbat. For now I big my readers a Shabbat Shalom and a Good Shabbos.

Tuition Tax Credits Petition Letter
Please tell me my eyes are playing tricks on me

The Congregation Ahavas Yisroel of Kew Garden Hills blog has posted a letter from Rabbi Eli Mansour of Brooklyn which is asking members of the New York communities to sign a petition to be submitted to Govenor Pataki in support of tax credits.

I have demonstrated my support for these tax credits (which we will be unable to benefit from as we do not live in New York) here, here, here, and here. I am still in support of the tax credits because I believe families with children should be given a helping hand in the form of lower taxes so they can make appropriate educational and extra-curricular choices while raising their children.

However, now I am extremely shocked and upset! In this letter, the Rabbi states:

• Needless to say, private school tuition costs are one of, if not the largest monetary burden facing our families. If this bill, which is coming before the New York State Legislature next month, were to pass, - the strain on many of our community's organizations, including; the Sephardic Bikur Holim, the Sephardic Angel Fund, the Sephardic Food Fund, and even Sephardic SAFE, will be greatly reduced. Even our Yeshiva's will be less pressured, as the need to provide student scholarships and discounted tuition costs will be sharply reduced.

While I am absolutely thrilled to see so many members of the Modern Orthodox and the Sephardic Communities get involved in a tangible way to try to bring this bill to fruition, I am absolutely enraged that a Rav would PUBLICALLY admit tuition is going to go up for those who are struggling the most! Discounted tuition costs will be sharply reduced?!?!?!

The $500 tax credit is only for families making $75,000 or less (see my discussion about how tax credits are generally determined here). My sources tell me the tax credit is available in lesser amounts for families making $90,000 of less.

Now don't get me wrong. I believe that Yeshivot and Day Schools can use more money too. And, I am happy to know that some of our community funds that go to help people meet their food and utility bills will be less burdened. But, those who are fighting for this tax credit are fighting for the members of our communities that could use $500 in their pockets. The last thing that they want to see is the tax credit wipping out assistance that is so needed.

I don't know what to conclude. I think that New Yorkers should sign the petition. But, I also think that community members need to make it crystal clear to administrators everywhere that they will not tolerate a rise in tuition on the backs of those who are suffering the most!

We are talking about $500 dear friends. Please let those who qualify for the credit be able to buy something they need for their children like extra tutoring. Don't take that money away and leave them in the same position they started in. Please let don't raise tuition and drive more students away from our schools.

A Public Service Announcement Regarding Taxes
A.K.A. Surprise, You Owe Taxes and the Interest might be accruing while we Speak

I am interrupting our current discussion of "The Parenting Crisis" (I and II) and "Wedding Expenses" for a Public Service announcement.

Being that a new tax year has come and gone and most people are hopefully giving some thought to their income taxes at the very least , I thought I would post a few things regarding taxes that everyone should know, yet, for some inexplicable reason, many people remain in the dark. When it comes to taxes, innocence is not bliss.

1. Surprise! You are self-employed! While it is quite clear to the independent businessman that he is self-employed, there are plenty of people who experience the rather unpleasant surprise that they are self-employed after the tax year is over and that they owe money to the government that they didn't know they owed. Some signs that you might be self-employed include receiving checks from your employer(s) that are the full amount of the amount he agreed to pay you. If you are seeing everything your bargained for, chances are that your employer is not paying his half of your social security tax, nor is he paying your state and federal taxes for you.

If you are self-employed, you are responsibility for paying a 15.3% rate on the profits from your business, as well as the federal and state income taxes that you owe which vary by income level. If you are self-employed you need to educate yourself about the types of expenses you are allowed to take and how best to deduct the expenses over the course of your business. You also need to get organized and get those records in order and neatly filed.

Self-employment taxes should be paid quarterly. If you are behind, there is no time like the present to catch up.

2. Surprise! You Owe Taxes from the Sale of Property! If you sell a property, you might just owe taxes on it. If you have lived in your home for 2 years of the past 5 years, you can benefit from a fairly new law that allows you to exclude the gain on the property from being taxed. However, if you did not live in your home for 2 of the past 5 years as a primary residence, you owe tax on the gain. Once again, you need to have organized records so that you (or your accountant) can actually calculate the amount that you owe in tax.

You really don't want to find out you owe tax on the sale of a home when you have already agreed to put that money into another home.

Important note: If you are trying to make a quick buck "flipping" homes, you really need to consult with an accountant. Depending on the frequency of the "flipping," you may find out that you are really self-employed and that instead of owing the low capital gains taxes, your gains are actually taxed at ordinary income rates AND you owe the 15.3% self-employment taxes too. This surprise is more like a nightmare!

3. Surprise! Those investments really profited this year (I should be so lucky)! If you have investments, especially ones where the dividends and distributions are put right back into the account, you need to be watching your gains carefully. If you did not opt to have taxes withheld directly from the investment income and it is a good year, you might get behind on your taxes. So, learn how to read your bank statement so that you can keep track of any significant income.

4. Surprise! Your 401(k) loan may subject you to tax and penalties! While it may seem like a wise idea to borrow from your 401(k) to get yourself out of debt at a low rate, it might not be a wise idea at all. If you have an unpaid loan balance on your 401(k) distribution at the end of the loan term (usually 5 years), you will owe a 10% early withdrawal penalty.

Even more scary is that can end up tied to your current employer because some loans must be paid back when you leave your current employer. If you want to switch jobs and you don't have the cash on hand to pay up(which you probably don't or you wouldn't have taken this loan in the first place), you will face taxes plus a penalty.

My advice: If you find yourself borrowing money for your regular living expenses, get yourself to a debt counselor immediately to solve the problem. Don't exasperate it.

5. Surprise! The the Alternative Minimum Tax (AMT) has got you! The AMT is biting more and more upper middle class people from behind. This subject is so complicated that it is hard to predict when the AMT will bite you. But, if you have a lot of complicated investments or tax shelters, you hopefully have a financial advisor that is available for good advice.

And finally, a few things NOT to do:

1. Dependent Care Tax Credits: Do not even try to take a dependent care tax credit on your illegal babysitter (i.e. the one that you hopefully are not paying under the table). Taking this tax credit will certainly flag you for and your babysitter for an audit. One top of that, you could loose your welfare benefits that come through the tax system. Restitution could turn out to be quite unforgiving as you or your babysitter will be determined to be either an employer or self-employed. The taxes owed could be massive.

As it has been said, "honesty is the best policy." I'd avoid illegal help. Those who employ nannies need to file a Schedule H and pay the employment taxes and make withholdings. But, if you still choose to use illegal help, don't try to claim a deduction.

2. Charitable Deductions: Do not try to claim Day School and Yeshiva Tuition paid as an itemized deduction. Those who have tried to do so in the past this have lost their case again and again. Don't play the wise guy to make an important point.

3. Car Donations: Don't take the Kelly Blue Book value for a car donation. The rules have changed and while the IRS used to look the other way when the Blue Book value was used inappropriately, now you need to file the proper paperwork and the organization who sells your car must do the same.

4. Estimated Taxes: Do not forget to pay your state when you make estimated withholdings for your business, a sale of property, etc. It is easy to forget the state when most of the paperwork is at the federal level.

5. Know what you are signing (a message for wives): Unfortunately in the past few months there have been a few men arrested for major tax fraud in the frum world. While they are headed to prison, their wives are headed to a living hell as they will be stuck with kids and no husband, a financial pit. When their husbands re-enter society after a conviction, they will not be able to practice in their chosen field and will probably be eligible for very few jobs.

When you sign a tax form, you are signing under the penalty of perjury. You need to know that the accounting was done properly. If something doesn't seem right, seek advice quickly. Better yet, don't ever be in the dark. Start your marriage off involved and stay that way.

(While this message is mostly for wives, it also can apply to husbands in some households.)

Wedding Costs

Jack Davidov is the inspiration for my newest post. Jack wrote:

Can you please do a post about how much a reasonable chasuna should cost? My
wife's friend is convinced that she must borrow an exorbitant amount of money to
pay for her wedding. I've been trying to convince her to scale down, but she
would rather just borrow money for a one day event. I don't know if she is going
to do it or not, but I am sure that there are others like her out there.

What a great topic idea for a blog entitled "Orthonomics." To start off my post I will state unequivocally that going into debt for a wedding is a terrible idea. And, I believe that it is a terrible idea for either the couple or for their parents. As far as I am concerned it sets a bad tone at the beginning of the wedding, one of being unable to work within what is realistic and reasonable. In the worst case scenario, the debt lasts beyond the life of the marriage (unfortunately not unheard of). But, even in happy marriage, who wants to continue making payments on flowers that have long since wilted and ice sculptures that have long since melted.

While the general population show great variation when it comes to making a wedding, a wedding in the Orthodox world tends to follow a format that varies only within a small box. And many couples feel embarrassed to deviate from the established "minhag." While couples in the general population may choose a wedding format that includes everything and anything from a BBQ in their own backyard to a lavish wedding with all the trimmings in the Four Seasons, couples in the frum world feel tied to a format that seems practically engraved in stone.

The formula may appear to leave very little room to cut costs, but fortunately appearance can be deceiving. There is a lot of room to save money and keep costs down even while following the general format. While I have been to a handful of Orthodox weddings that broke with "tradition," I am not going to write about such weddings because I don't want my practical suggestions to fall upon deaf ears. Instead, I am going to work within the box and tell you how to trim the budget within it.

So what should a wedding cost? Obviously I cannot offer a solid figure because each city has it's own pricing structure and the cost of a wedding in Los Angeles is going to be more expensive than a wedding in Baltimore. I do think one should be able to make a wedding with some "extras" for approximately 150 people for under $15,000 even major cities. Bigger weddings are going to be more costly because the larger halls have the ability to charge a lot more and demand is high. So, I highly encourage trying to keep the guest list under control.

Here are my list of practical suggestions to keep the wedding costs and all the other costs affiliated with the wedding under control. Some are more radical, but I promise you that none of them will make your engagement and wedding appear outside the box:

1. Avoid making a Vort. The Vort has got to be the single biggest waste of money and time in the world of frum weddings. Whether the food and desserts for the wedding are baked at home, bought at your local bakery, or catered by a profession, it is all unnecessary. And, I am not even going to touch upon the travel costs sustained by the parents, the couple, and the siblings. I've been to "modest" vorts where there is a table of desserts and candies and I've been to vorts in rented halls with catered desserts, music and professional photography.

And no matter the format of the vort, no purpose is served (with the exception of the parents meeting each other in a rather artificial environment where they have little to no opportunity to actual speak with each other). If a couple throwing a vort pulled out a chuppah and just got married, the expenses would be justified. But, since I have yet to see that happen even when there is professional photography and the kallah's sisters have their hair and makeup done for the occassion, I'm afraid the vort serves little to no purpose.

If you want to have a celebration and have well wishers, just hold an improptu open house with a sheet cake and a few bottles of soda. But, there is no need for floral arrangements, professional photography, or anything else. If you want some nice pictures, I recommend Sear's or JC Penny's. With a coupon you can buy sheets for $3.99 a page.

2. Only pay for the engagement gifts that you can afford. (And, I know this is radical, but parents there is no need for you to provide gifts. If your kids are not of the means to buy each other the long litany of "required" gifts from the diamond, to the pearls, to the silver and more and more and more ad naseum, then they should not be buying each other such gifts. If you want, choose a nice gift or two for your future son-in-law or daughter-in-law and don't worry about what your friends or their friends will think.) Engagement gifts deserve a post of their own because they have their own culture and that culture is just out of control.

3. When seeking a wedding hall, do your homework. There are many shuls that have the capability to make wonderful weddings, but are underutilized because they do not seat large numbers of people. But, if you can keep your guest list under control or get creative with your guest list to do so, you can often find really great deals.

4. Not all things that are found at weddings are necessities and if you go without few these things, few if any will miss them. Some of the items that can be skipped, replaced, or parred down on: floral arrangements, liquor, the shmorg, monograms, stationary and bentchers, and matching dresses.

If you want fresh flowers, explore the grocery store or reliable internet floral shops. You might not get your dream, but you can still have fresh. If you can do without floral and still want a centerpiece, explore craft stores and the dollar stores.

A fancy shmorg is fun, but it is a short lived experience and a small dessert table with cakes, fresh fruit, and salads can keep the guests fed and not break the bank. Same for liquor. A full bar is just not necessary.

Watch out for the stationary expenses as they can add up quick. A monogram might "only" cost $100. But, oftentimes there are extra expenses for setting up the print or printing the monogram on the inviations. These expenses add up quickly. In our case the invitation printer provided a free monogram and we did not have it printed on anything else.

Matching dresses for all 10 sisters and sister-in-law are unnecessary. If you really want to have a color theme, do your pocket book a favor and just pick a color and let everyone find something they like and will wear more than once. If you are really brave, scrap the color scheme completely.

5. Bid different vendors against each other. Bargaining is allowed in the wedding business. And, make sure to draw up extremely detailed contracts and agreements. You need to think of everything because wedding vendors are notorious for surprises. You don't want to find out that there is an extra charge for napkins or an extra charge for cleanup. Make sure to inquire about tips and gratuities and get these written into the contract also if possible.

6. Make sure you know what each hall requires of your beyond the rent for the hall. If they are charging a kitchen fee for each meal served by your caterer, valet parking, or security you need to know in advance. I would try to avoid halls that nickel and dime you for each charge. Coordinating these various services is akin to coordinating the Olympics and time is money.

6. Put a chuppah only option on your invitations and hope that the people who are not planning to stay for the seudah feel comfortable selecting that option. Also, keep the break between the chuppah and the seudah as short as possible. It is so sad how many meals get paid for that are not eaten.

7. Limit the photography to certain hours. Most photographers include a few hours in their base fee. Chances are you will get the photos you want from the bedekin, chuppah, and the 1st dance set. The law of dimishing returns sets in after that. Make sure the photographer knows where to pick the check up after his time is up. Same for videography.

8. Photography and videography are tempting. Speak with your friends who have been married for a good few years and find out what they would pay for if they could go back in time. An album is nice. A few good photos for the mantle or the wall are nice. Chances are the video with the special features is collecting dust and a shorter video is more than enough.

9. Limit the band to certain hours also. Like photographers, bands usually provide enough hours to make it through the reception. Consider doing without for the bedekin and consider a single musician for the chuppah if you really want music there. And, like the photographer, make sure the band leader knows where to collect the already written check at the end of his contracted term.

10. Once the wedding is over, make sure sheva brachot are within control. There is no reason to hold another wedding on day 3 although I have seen that done, floral arrangements, 100 guests, and live music. If you are lucky, your friends will hold a pizza shop sheva brachot or a potluck and you will actually get to visit with your friends. But, like I said, once the wedding is over it is over. Enjoy sheva brachot, but don't try to make another wedding. That is completely unnecessary.

I'm interested to hear all of your ideas on how to limit wedding costs while still fitting in the box. I'm not opposed to stepping outside of the box in the least. But, for many people it is just not practical. And, I like to speak to a bigger audience rather than a smaller one.

The "Parenting Crisis" II:
More Comments on the "Gedolim Card Crisis"

Like I said here, there is no Gedolim Card Crisis, but we certainly are experiencing a "Parenting Crisis." Here is yet another jem from the latest Yated from a letter entitled "A Fad Gone Bad." If the cries for help continue for one week longer, I may need to submit my own letter to the editor to shake things up.

Marking makes it impossible to fill a gedolim picture album before you have an over abundance of doubles and triples of the more common cards. It is almost like a feeling of being overcharged and money being extorted. Most parents are not willing to go along with the expenses.

Children's appetitles for more and more pictures have by far exceeded the expectations. Boys have gotten so involved that they keep asking their parents for more and more money. Parents have been complaining, asking where the limit is.

So I re-iterate my previous message to parents. The limit is where you set it. There is no need to "go along with the expenses." You are the parents. You are in charge. You control the purse strings. All you have to do is say no! You may have to say no over and over again (as my parents did when I asked for my driver's permit for two straight long, long years).

But, there is no need to complain. There is no need to feel overwhelmed. There is no need to feel despair. And, for crying out loud, there is no need to label this as a "crisis." If you are in control (which you are), there is no crisis.

Give the word no a try, and maybe by the time your sons (and daughters) get married you will be well-practiced and can save yourself $10,000 or $20,000 on the chatunah and all of the "required" expenses that seem to accompany such affairs.

Experienced Bloggers: I need your help

Hello readers and Shavua Tov. I am experiencing a bit of frustration. I want my profile, links, posts, and archived items to appear at the top of the page on the left. But, as I have posted more, my links have ended up on the bottom of the page out of sight.

How do I get them where I want them?

In addition, I would like to be able to upload to www.jrants.com, but I can't figure out what information they want and where I find that info.

Any helping hands out there?

The "Parenting Crisis":
Parents, you are allowed to say no to your children

Cries for help are littering the pages of the latest Letters to the Editor section of the Yated. The pressing issue: Gedolim Cards. Apparanetly Gedolim Card collections are the newest "crisis" and since I will be covering many a "crisis" on my blog, I figured I would take a look at one particular letter that caught my eye. The letter reads as follows:

Dear Editor,

I am writing in resonse to the reader who wrote about the gedolim card crisis. Finally, someone has brought attention to this!

I hear so much about it from many people - but nobody is doing anything about it. My son started out buying one pack a week and trading his doubles. It came to a point where he had very few cards, so he started buying more and more hoping that he would be one of those lucky few to finish his book. Currently he needs one more card. He started going from store to store, trying his luck, thinking that maybe this store has the lucky card.

Unfortunately, he still doesn't have that card - and he has given ! Do you know how much money I have spent to get this last card?! Many of his friends have said that they are also giving up. It costs a fortune for the parents, and many children spend their own personal money on wasted cards.

Perhaps the tzibbur can do something about this problem.

Thank you Yated for your wonderful newspaper and for giving me the opportunity to voice my opinion.

Fortunately, my readers, I can assure you that there is no "Gedolim Card Crisis," although it is quite from the many letters (this just being one of them) that we have a "Parenting Crisis" on our hands. In contrast to the "Parenting Crisis" this crisis is something that you, the parents of b'nei and b'not Torah, can do something about single-handedly. The entire tzibur need not be involved to solve this crisis. A simple word from you to your child will do. And, fortunately, that word only has two letters. The word, NO! No, my dear son, you cannot spend your money or our money on these cards. No, my dear son, you cannot go from store to store searching for the last card you need.

While I am positive that these Gedolim Cards were introduced to some of our schools with the nobelest intentions, it comes as no surprise that the fad has spun out of control. Nearly every child on this universe has a proclivity for collecting, and boys are probably worse than girls, especially since their collections tend to be more trendy (anyone else out there remember Garbage Pail Kids?) and more corporate. In addition boys tend to be more competitive than girls and their collections often become a status symbol, as opposed to a manifestation of a unique interest. These collections should have never been introduced into Yeshivot, but once they were introduced and parents started noticing their chilren engaging in unhealthy competition, parents should have just put a stop to their own children participating and made it clear to them that their interest had spun too far out of control and was no longer healthy. There is no reason to take to the pages of the Yated asking others to find a solution when the solution is you!

Now, back to the letter. It seems that they mother herself has become so emotionally attached to her son's collection that she laments the fact that her son has given up only one card short of completing his collection. This mothers should be happy that her son has lost interest and has realized that he is only GAMBLING away his money in an effort to get the last card. I certainly would rather my son learn not to chase pipe dreams at a young age, than to find himself 35 years old gambling his money away in a casino or a "get rich quick" scam.

An Individual Perspective (Post III of III on Tax Credits)

For many of us, discussing the exact nature of our own financial situation is about the most private subject that could be discussed for a variety of reasons. Many of the reasons to keep finances private are praiseworthy. But, in some instances one can deceive themselves and their children of the nature of their financial system and in an effort to hide the truth from themselves (and their children), they end up working themselves into a situation that is so bad that they are only hiding the truth from themselves.

I have observed a trend in which people unintentionally deceive themselves (and their children) into believing their financial situation is either better or worse than it actually is. I use the word unintentional because I do not believe that the "deception" is neither purposeful nor malicious. It is just a facet of human nature.

In general society I do not see a bias towards believing a financial situation is better or worse than it really is. Unfortunately, in the Orthodox world I see a trend towards believing that their financial situation is better than it actually is, and we often believe that the situation of those around us is just like ours.

In my world an Adjusted Gross Income of $75,000 is quite high (I should note here that I heard the tax credit starts phasing out around $75,000, but is available in smaller amounts through $90,000). And, considering the fact that so many people in our communities begin their marriages and have children before they have completed their educations and have established careers, I can only guess that I am not alone in believing that an AGI of $75,000 will not be reached by many of our community members who, not even established themselves, are already faced with massive tuition bills.

This post really is not as loaded as the previous two posts and was just meant to make the point that one often erroneously believes that those around them are in essentially the same boat as they are financially (some examples to follow). And to understand the impact that a tax credit will have, they one must look beyond him/herself and get the facts about other people.

-->When we first married we lived in an area highly populated by kollel couples. Oftentimes the converation turned to how much WIC one received and for what. In this subset of community, there was an assumption that everyone in the room was on assistance. It wasn't uncommon to be asked what type of WIC you were getting. Incidently, not everyone in the room was on assistance, but it is certainly eye opening to be part of a discussion you can't partake in.

-->Recently while in the store, the clerk behind the counter had to match my credit card to my ID and noticed my card was unique and asked out it. I was explaining that we took out this card because it places money in an investment account and has really benefited us. The man behind me then started telling me how I really need to be careful about this credit card company because their interest rate is high and how we could get a much better interest rate from a different company. Being that we do not carry any credit card debt and that we only charge what there is cash in the bank to pay for, the conversation struck me as odd. But, then I remembered that my husband was privy to an entire discussion with this man and others about refinancing homes to pay off credit card debt and other expenses (tuition would be one of the expenses) and how there was an assumption that everyone there could relate.

For now I will wish my readers a good night and leave you to ponder my ideas above.

Please Excuse Minor Errors

I am a perfectionist by nature. When I worked full time as a professional, I spent the majority of my day putting extensive amounts of procedures, data, and tests into the language an average middle schooler or high schooler could understand. During my years in the workforce I developed a writing style which was clear, concise, and precise. Unfortunately, I have lost some of my touch lately while I spend my days doing things that I consider much more valuable, primarily being completely available to my family.

So, I ask my readers to please excuse my grammatical errors and inconsistencies and my spelling mistakes. Thanks!

A Communal Perspective on the Proposed New York State Tax Credit (Post II of III)

It is imperative that we do not look at ourselves solely as individuals in regards to any potential tuition relief, whether that tuition relief comes from within the community or from outside the community. While not every family or individual will benefit from every program (we won't, since we are blessed to live "out of town"), the fact remains that the community as a whole will benefit. And, when the community as a whole benefits, we all benefit.

We benefit when struggling couples have a few more dollars available when their bills come due, creating less tension in their households. We benefit when it is easier for parents to meet their tuition obligations, thereby making it easier for our institutions to meet their obligations to their staff. We benefit when married children don't have to turn to their parents for help, leaving relationships and dignity in tact. We benefit when parents can afford to turn down an extra dollar here and there and spend more time with their children.

I believe that the already astronomical and rising tuition costs are by far the most pressing issue in the religious community. The Tuition Crisis is not just about money, it is about the emotional wreckage and hate that the tuition situation creates. It is an issue that drives people away from Torah. It causes us to look at our neighbors with derision and suspicion. It causes us to place blame on different doorsteps and drives a wedge between us, making it near impossible to unite and work together as a community (the only way to achieve any success).

The fact that we don't have the compassion to understand that many of our neighbors are struggling is a huge tragedy and a failure of chinuch. We are not in the position to turn up our noses at even small amounts of relief, whether they benefit us or not.

In addition, we do not know what the future holds. If the NYS Teach's Tax Credit comes to fruition and proves successful in improving the academic situation of students in failing school districts in New York state (a benefit for all of America no matter what your race, religion, or ethnicity), even more beneficial programs could come to fruition such as the proposed $3,500 Golden-Lopez bill that our kind poster Michael alerted us to.

Let's not pass up an opportunity to show compassion for our fellow Americans and our fellow Jews. I join Orthomom in urging all those who can attend the rally to do so. And, I urge all of you who are in contact with members of our community who are not supportive of the rally to educate them about the suffering tuition is causing and urge them to have a change of heart.

Welcome Readers and Let Me Pick on One of You (I of III: A Tax Perspective)

I've been blogging for a total of 36 hours and my blog has already been discovered, mostly by the authors of my regular reads. I'm really happy to see the comments coming in and welcome you all.

My most recent comment was left by Joe Schick who writes:

It's important to remember that the $500 credit is only for families making less than $75,000. Let's not overstate the impact - most people will not be eligible for the tax credit.

Let's analyize the comment from three different perspectives:

1. A Tax Perspective
2. A Communal Perspective
3. An Individual Perspective

A Tax Perspective

Let's start with a simple lesson in tax. Adjusted Gross Income is generally the amount used to determine tax status which is level you are taxed at and the credits you are eligible for. Adjusted Gross Income (AGI) does NOT equal your salary (or combined salaries).

AGI is calculated by adding together all income producing activities (some of the more common activities include income from W-2's, interest income, dividends, state or local tax refunds, self-employment income, rental income, unemployment, pensions, alimony, annuities, IRA distributions). Sometimes when a person is just starting a business or has just recently rented out a property they net a loss in one of the areas, bringing down their income before even taking any of the adjustements to income which reduce income (some of the more common adjustments that some qualify for include moving expenses, 1/2 of self-employment, alimony deduction, IRA deduction-this is in addition to the 401(k) through an employer, and student loan interest deduction).

One should know that the amount that appears on your W-2 for tax purposes has three major missing pieces that, if added back in, will equal your actual salary. The first piece is the amount taken out of your salary for retirement. The second piece is the amount taken out to pay healthy expenses with pre-tax dollars (i.e. the excess in your health premium + the amount placed in a Health Savings Account). The third piece is the amount taken out to pay for dependent care expenses with pre-tax dollars (i.e. child care to a legal day care or nanny).

• Some extraneous information: Once AGI is determined, there are a number of reductions taken to determine the amount of income that is actually taxable. The first is either the standard deduction or the itemized deduction (which includes state and local taxes paid or sales tax paid, mortgage interested paid, charitable gifts made, and property tax paid). The second reduction is the exemptions which vary by household size. After the taxable income is determined, credits are taken out to reach an actual taxable amount. It is quite possible that a household may command $100,000 in salaries, but only be taxed on $50,000 and after that they may still qualify for various tax credits. Credits are reductions of the tax owed.

AGI is the important number needed to determine eligibility for tax credits. It is impossible to know how many people will qualify for a tax credit at the state level because it is impossible to know each family's unique tax situation. The main thing to remember is that AGI and actual salary are two completely different animals and it is very possible that a family earning $90,000 or even $100,000 will qualify for this tax credit after all adjustments to income have been made.

So now that I've gone through all that confusing information, I hope you understand that many people WILL qualify for this credit. And, it is difficult to determine who will qualify and who will based on salaries and perceptions. Tax is like a puzzle and each puzzle is cut differently.

Seeing that this post has already went from a manageable read to a massive read, I will take a break and come back to talk about the other two very important aspects as to why New Yorkers should support the NYS Teach's tax credit.

What can $500 Buy?

A recent post on Orthomom's blog discussing the proposed New York State tax credit for parents of students in failing school districts prompted a discussion about the value of a mere $500 when tuitions in exhibit and Day Schools have reached astronomical proportions.

Because it is obvious that some people do not understand the value of $500 to a family trying to juggle Yeshiva tuition with other necessary and prudent expenses. I stated that it is necessary to educate our communities regarding the value of $500.

While I may be an amateur blogger, I am an experienced home budgeter. Nearly every expense we make is readily available at my fingertips thanks to modern technology. So, in an effort to educate, I am going to share a bit about the prudent expenditures that our small family makes in terms of $500 (for simplicity I am looking at expenses between $400-$600). Obviously many of us can argue about what is necessary and what is unnecessary, so when I refer to our personal expenses I will term them "prudent."

• Six months of auto insurance for two (old and older) cars driven by two adults: ~$450.
• One year of dental insurance: ~$450.
• Two months of utilities: ~$500.
• Six months of property tax: ~$450.
• One month of grocery store, drug store (includes pharmacy), and gas station purchases: averages ~$450 per month.
• Six months of automotive repairs and maintenance for two cars: ~$500.
• One year of medical, dental, and vision (excludes pharmacy): ~$600.
• One year of life insurance premiums for my husband and me (with Hashem's help we will never need to use this insurance), combined premiums totaling about $1,000,000: ~$575.

In an effort to create some compassion for struggling families and the benefit a $500 tax credit could provide them, I've listed some of our expenditures in terms of $400-$600. I hope my readers (a growing list I hope) will share some of their necessary and/or prudent expenditures in an effort to educate people about how much $500 means to struggling parents looking to make ends meet. I hope after an examination of the value of $500, or even the examination of the value of $25, we can all become more compassionate people.

Hello and Welcome

Hello and welcome to my blog. I've thought about blogging for many months, but I just hadn't got around to it. Finally reading months worth of posts of other bloggers about very important topics, I decided that it was time to give blogging a try and express my ideas and concerns about some of the hot button issues in the Orthodox Jewish community. Since I have a financial background and tend to comment a lot on economic issues, I figured it would be fun to choose a blog that reflected that concern of mine. After throwing around a number of names that didn't seem to have the right ring, my husband suggested Orthonomics and, alas, a blog was born.

I post under the name SephardiLady. The name came about when another blogger (sorry, I can't remember who) posted a topic on halacha that involved a dispute between Ashkenazim and Sephardim. Since I was representing the Sephardi interpretation, I posted under the name SephardiLady and I kept with the name.

Shavua Tov and welcome to my blog.