Rabbi Horowitz Responds: Keeping Our Children Safe Part II
Rabbi Horowitz tackled a response to my letter in Part I. Part II is now online it is a "Grand Slam." He is a brave man for tackling this issue in response to my letter. And Part II has given me a lot of food for thought in regards to healthy parenting. As always, a must read.
And, do NOT skip the links to past related topics. He also covers a famous sexual abuse scandal that I had intended to address on this blog after it was featured on Nightline. I had typed and trashed so many versions of my post that I finally just gave up. The fact that the only reason this particular predator was reported to the cops was because he abused neighborhood Italian children and that nobody in the frum community would say a word was infuriating. Rabbi Horowitz takes a look at the failed communal policy of "zipped lips."
Take a look. Discuss there and please discuss here too. Unfortunately, I cannot paste the article due to computer difficulties right now. So, follow the links.
Shabbat Shalom.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
What Makes for a Great Leader?
Today I was listening to a talk show in the car and a conversation ensued about the leadership of the now deceased former President Gerald Ford. A caller, who was present at a back room strategy planning meeting for the 1976 Republican Presidential nomination, relayed some words of former President Ronald Reagan. Then former CA governor Reagan made some observations (which I'm sad I can' repeat word for word, because my summary misses the pure brilliance). In opposition to the suggested nomination of Gerald Ford, Reagan pointed out that he had no major accomplishments and lacked strong leadership skills, which would lead to the downfall of the Republican party and the rise and presidency of Jimmy Carter. Reagan made the observation that leaders face opposition, make enemies, and through their strength in the face of opposition, they become accomplished.
This conversation really got me thinking about gadlut and leadership (lay and Rabbinic) in the Jewish world, of present and past. What are the qualities of great leaders? Must they always face opposition?
I'm sure that we can all think of historic accomplishments which came at the hands of great opposition and resistance. I'm sure we can think of serious halachic issues that spurred great debate, some quite vicious.
What qualities must a leader have? Must they always face opposition or resistance? My short answer would be passion, vision, sincerity, [update: integrity], focus on what he/she wants to accomplish without spreading oneself thin (not a jack of all trades), inspires others to action (or even fierce opposition), ongoing commitment to the vision.
But, my answer is far from complete. So I will leave this discussion in your hands.
Today I was listening to a talk show in the car and a conversation ensued about the leadership of the now deceased former President Gerald Ford. A caller, who was present at a back room strategy planning meeting for the 1976 Republican Presidential nomination, relayed some words of former President Ronald Reagan. Then former CA governor Reagan made some observations (which I'm sad I can' repeat word for word, because my summary misses the pure brilliance). In opposition to the suggested nomination of Gerald Ford, Reagan pointed out that he had no major accomplishments and lacked strong leadership skills, which would lead to the downfall of the Republican party and the rise and presidency of Jimmy Carter. Reagan made the observation that leaders face opposition, make enemies, and through their strength in the face of opposition, they become accomplished.
This conversation really got me thinking about gadlut and leadership (lay and Rabbinic) in the Jewish world, of present and past. What are the qualities of great leaders? Must they always face opposition?
I'm sure that we can all think of historic accomplishments which came at the hands of great opposition and resistance. I'm sure we can think of serious halachic issues that spurred great debate, some quite vicious.
What qualities must a leader have? Must they always face opposition or resistance? My short answer would be passion, vision, sincerity, [update: integrity], focus on what he/she wants to accomplish without spreading oneself thin (not a jack of all trades), inspires others to action (or even fierce opposition), ongoing commitment to the vision.
But, my answer is far from complete. So I will leave this discussion in your hands.
Rabbi Horowitz, Bright Beginnings, and Some Clarifications
Here I posted a response from Rabbi Horowitz to my letter. The letter and response has got to be one of the most popular things flying around the ortho j-blogs of all "personalities" (Hirhurim, Mishmar, ShmoozED, DAG, Harry Maryles, Charlie Hall, Orthomom, SerandEz, DovBear, Hayom, Shmarya Rosenberg, Imamother Forum, and probably more but this is what my search turned up-my apologies to those who were missed. Feel free to leave me a note. With nearly the fewest comments, I'm not feeling like a high and mighty blogger).
Without a doubt, this letter is generating a debate on an important subject. Rabbi Horowitz, being a leader, is engaging the services of well-known and trusted lay leaders to produce kosher materials to assist parents with discussing these important subjects with their children, through a division of "Bright Beginnings," an already established program. (See the Rabbi's comments below to learn more about Bright Beginnings and the work engaged in). Since Harry Maryles is much quicker on the keyboard, I will refer you to the relevant program information here. I plan to make a small donation myself, bli neder, after our next paycheck in the next calendar year.
Lastly. Please continue to read the comments on Rabbi Horowitz's piece. However, I specifically want to post some comments of clarification from Rabbi Horowitz. They follow below:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Several points are in order – to you, other readers, and those who posted:
1) Regarding the numbers [of victims] that I noted in my column: A careful reading of my column clearly indicates that this (“hundreds” number) was not to be regarded as a ‘hard number’ by any means. It was rather to stress the point that there are far more than a tiny amount of victims out there (and therefore worthy of seriously addressing the issue.) As for doing the math as you suggest – five times fifty-two would seem to indicate that one therapist alone receives 260 new cases each year. However, Dr. Pelcovitz is one of the acclaimed experts in the field, and not representative of the average therapist. Additionally, as I can attest from people calling my home or Project YES, there are many, many repeat calls and often multiple inquiries regarding the same ‘situation.’ Finally, the words I used in context, “… when I asked if they would say that there are a) tens, b) hundreds or c) thousands [of abused children], each responded that there are surely hundreds…,” hardly sounds like an attempt to minimize the issue. Quite to the contrary, I think the average reader was surprised by the significant number noted, not annoyed that I underestimated the number of victims.
2) Regarding the “fundraising” matter: In the original column, I noted that I’ve been wanting to produce a booklet for members of the Torah community that will help parents speak to their children about abuse prevention (FYI; this is for parents, not anything school-based).
Since posting the column this past Thursday, I received many responses from people who were pleased that I was considering taking concrete steps to help parents protect their children and wanted to assist with this effort. I thought that it would be prudent to create a credible, transparent entity managed by respected lay leaders and one with professional oversight in order to allow people to track the good work generated by their donations.
3) I am not a “one issue” person. I am certainly not an expert on abuse and neglect, not do I plan on making the very noble cause of preventing abuse the primary or even secondary focus of my writing and/or time. This column is #21 in a weekly series of Q&A columns that I started a few months ago. Feel free to review the others on my site (Click here.) They are as diverse as the questions posed to me by the readers of the email columns, and I expect #23 to be on a different topic altogether.
I do, however, take my responsibilities very seriously and felt that I should not dodge a tough question regarding the topic of abuse – one that is certainly on the minds of many parents. It would have been rather convenient (and perhaps prudent) for me to refrain from responding to that question. I’m still glad that I did, and if my response helps raise awareness and prevent even one child from victimization, I will consider it to be well worth the time and energy spent writing the two columns – and responding to posted comments.
4) As far as “Bright Beginnings” is concerned, I want to make it perfectly clear that a) this is not something that I thought of or started this past week, and that b) the primary focus of this endeavor is to help Jewish children succeed in school and in life.
For the past number of years, I have written numerous articles about the urgent need to invest in the education of our children. (Click here for several sample articles: #1, #2 , #3, #4, #5 , #6, #7.)
About a year ago, I began discussions with foundations and individual prospective donors to develop programs designed to invest in our children in the areas noted below. Read "Making the Case" – a column that I published in The Jewish Press over a year ago, and you will perhaps get a better understanding of the mindset that created Bright Beginnings.
My vision for the program is to:
a) Expand our on-line listing of resources to help parents access services for their children and familes.
b) Create and disseminate quality materials to help Jewish children acquire skills for Hebrew reading, chumash and gemarah.
c) Create communities of practice for educators to exchange ideas and materials. (I already took some significant steps to begin this process and will inform my readers of this in the coming months.)
d) Create tolerance, honesty/integrity, and safety programs for Jewish children.
We have already made significant progress in the areas of the Listing of Resources (item ‘A’) and are very actively working on the preparation of materials and communities of practice (items ‘B’ and ‘C’). I plan on writing some columns on these initiatives, but I was honestly waiting until they were further developed before doing so. (See the “People helping people” section of my original post. That was my first effort to introduce the concept to the public.)
Bright Beginnings will not be limited to abuse prevention, nor will this be a major component of our efforts. However, due to the outpouring of emotions and requests to have the booklet published, I decided to move forward with item ‘D’ – the abuse prevention booklet, and I will make every effort to work with Dr. Pelcovitz and others to produce a booklet geared to help frum parents speak to their children about protecting themselves from predators. It is in this spirit that I opened Bright Beginnings to the public and invited people who wished to contribute to do so – to the production of the booklet, or other projects that I’ve written about. (Please read the text of my original post. I state that very clearly.)
Quite a number of people requested that I create a venue for those who wish to make [smaller] donations to this particular project (the abuse-prevention booklet) and/or for those who wish to fund some of the projects that I have been writing about in my columns over the past months and years.
To honor these requests and to help actualize many of my dreams for the enhancement of educational and social opportunities for Jewish children around the world, I am pleased to inform my readers that I am initiating the “Bright Beginnings Program.” (Within 30 days, I hope to post a mission statement for Bright Beginnings on my website and list details regarding some of the programs ….)
Will any or all of the things noted above happen? Only time will tell. But I can assure you that they most certainly are needed to help our children succeed in today’s challenging times (click here and here.)
I am deeply committed to devoting time, passion and energy to see that these items move from concept to reality.
Respectfully
Yakov Horowitz
Here I posted a response from Rabbi Horowitz to my letter. The letter and response has got to be one of the most popular things flying around the ortho j-blogs of all "personalities" (Hirhurim, Mishmar, ShmoozED, DAG, Harry Maryles, Charlie Hall, Orthomom, SerandEz, DovBear, Hayom, Shmarya Rosenberg, Imamother Forum, and probably more but this is what my search turned up-my apologies to those who were missed. Feel free to leave me a note. With nearly the fewest comments, I'm not feeling like a high and mighty blogger).
Without a doubt, this letter is generating a debate on an important subject. Rabbi Horowitz, being a leader, is engaging the services of well-known and trusted lay leaders to produce kosher materials to assist parents with discussing these important subjects with their children, through a division of "Bright Beginnings," an already established program. (See the Rabbi's comments below to learn more about Bright Beginnings and the work engaged in). Since Harry Maryles is much quicker on the keyboard, I will refer you to the relevant program information here. I plan to make a small donation myself, bli neder, after our next paycheck in the next calendar year.
Lastly. Please continue to read the comments on Rabbi Horowitz's piece. However, I specifically want to post some comments of clarification from Rabbi Horowitz. They follow below:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Several points are in order – to you, other readers, and those who posted:
1) Regarding the numbers [of victims] that I noted in my column: A careful reading of my column clearly indicates that this (“hundreds” number) was not to be regarded as a ‘hard number’ by any means. It was rather to stress the point that there are far more than a tiny amount of victims out there (and therefore worthy of seriously addressing the issue.) As for doing the math as you suggest – five times fifty-two would seem to indicate that one therapist alone receives 260 new cases each year. However, Dr. Pelcovitz is one of the acclaimed experts in the field, and not representative of the average therapist. Additionally, as I can attest from people calling my home or Project YES, there are many, many repeat calls and often multiple inquiries regarding the same ‘situation.’ Finally, the words I used in context, “… when I asked if they would say that there are a) tens, b) hundreds or c) thousands [of abused children], each responded that there are surely hundreds…,” hardly sounds like an attempt to minimize the issue. Quite to the contrary, I think the average reader was surprised by the significant number noted, not annoyed that I underestimated the number of victims.
2) Regarding the “fundraising” matter: In the original column, I noted that I’ve been wanting to produce a booklet for members of the Torah community that will help parents speak to their children about abuse prevention (FYI; this is for parents, not anything school-based).
Since posting the column this past Thursday, I received many responses from people who were pleased that I was considering taking concrete steps to help parents protect their children and wanted to assist with this effort. I thought that it would be prudent to create a credible, transparent entity managed by respected lay leaders and one with professional oversight in order to allow people to track the good work generated by their donations.
3) I am not a “one issue” person. I am certainly not an expert on abuse and neglect, not do I plan on making the very noble cause of preventing abuse the primary or even secondary focus of my writing and/or time. This column is #21 in a weekly series of Q&A columns that I started a few months ago. Feel free to review the others on my site (Click here.) They are as diverse as the questions posed to me by the readers of the email columns, and I expect #23 to be on a different topic altogether.
I do, however, take my responsibilities very seriously and felt that I should not dodge a tough question regarding the topic of abuse – one that is certainly on the minds of many parents. It would have been rather convenient (and perhaps prudent) for me to refrain from responding to that question. I’m still glad that I did, and if my response helps raise awareness and prevent even one child from victimization, I will consider it to be well worth the time and energy spent writing the two columns – and responding to posted comments.
4) As far as “Bright Beginnings” is concerned, I want to make it perfectly clear that a) this is not something that I thought of or started this past week, and that b) the primary focus of this endeavor is to help Jewish children succeed in school and in life.
For the past number of years, I have written numerous articles about the urgent need to invest in the education of our children. (Click here for several sample articles: #1, #2 , #3, #4, #5 , #6, #7.)
About a year ago, I began discussions with foundations and individual prospective donors to develop programs designed to invest in our children in the areas noted below. Read "Making the Case" – a column that I published in The Jewish Press over a year ago, and you will perhaps get a better understanding of the mindset that created Bright Beginnings.
My vision for the program is to:
a) Expand our on-line listing of resources to help parents access services for their children and familes.
b) Create and disseminate quality materials to help Jewish children acquire skills for Hebrew reading, chumash and gemarah.
c) Create communities of practice for educators to exchange ideas and materials. (I already took some significant steps to begin this process and will inform my readers of this in the coming months.)
d) Create tolerance, honesty/integrity, and safety programs for Jewish children.
We have already made significant progress in the areas of the Listing of Resources (item ‘A’) and are very actively working on the preparation of materials and communities of practice (items ‘B’ and ‘C’). I plan on writing some columns on these initiatives, but I was honestly waiting until they were further developed before doing so. (See the “People helping people” section of my original post. That was my first effort to introduce the concept to the public.)
Bright Beginnings will not be limited to abuse prevention, nor will this be a major component of our efforts. However, due to the outpouring of emotions and requests to have the booklet published, I decided to move forward with item ‘D’ – the abuse prevention booklet, and I will make every effort to work with Dr. Pelcovitz and others to produce a booklet geared to help frum parents speak to their children about protecting themselves from predators. It is in this spirit that I opened Bright Beginnings to the public and invited people who wished to contribute to do so – to the production of the booklet, or other projects that I’ve written about. (Please read the text of my original post. I state that very clearly.)
Quite a number of people requested that I create a venue for those who wish to make [smaller] donations to this particular project (the abuse-prevention booklet) and/or for those who wish to fund some of the projects that I have been writing about in my columns over the past months and years.
To honor these requests and to help actualize many of my dreams for the enhancement of educational and social opportunities for Jewish children around the world, I am pleased to inform my readers that I am initiating the “Bright Beginnings Program.” (Within 30 days, I hope to post a mission statement for Bright Beginnings on my website and list details regarding some of the programs ….)
Will any or all of the things noted above happen? Only time will tell. But I can assure you that they most certainly are needed to help our children succeed in today’s challenging times (click here and here.)
I am deeply committed to devoting time, passion and energy to see that these items move from concept to reality.
Respectfully
Yakov Horowitz
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
A J-Blog Interview with Yours Truly
One of my favorite Bloggers, MominIsrael, has decided since Jewish Blogmeister won't be interviewing any female Jbloggers, that she would take up the gauntlet. Her first interview is posted. Enjoy.
One of my favorite Bloggers, MominIsrael, has decided since Jewish Blogmeister won't be interviewing any female Jbloggers, that she would take up the gauntlet. Her first interview is posted. Enjoy.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Budgeting Tool #2: The Cash Flow Analysis
Previous Budget Posts for background:
Budgeting Credit and Debt I
Budgeting Credit and Debt II
Budgeting Tool #1: Monthly Budget Tracking and Budget Summary
Budgets: Putting it on Paper, Defining Priorities, and Doing what it Takes
If your month-to-month budget is tight or you do not have available cash designated to cover occasional budget shortfalls, you run the risk of falling into debt, even if your monthly income exceeds your monthly expenses (which hopefully is the case). To avoid this possibility, you need to ensure that your cash inflows and your cash outflows are timed properly. I like to call this budgeting tool the "Cash Flow Analysis."
As always, while good old fashioned paper and pencil works, a simple electronic spreadsheet is much less tedious, reduces errors, and makes monthly upkeeping a breeze. Just like exercise, it is easier to maintain good habits when you don't have to start from scratch. So, while the initial programming takes time, once the spreadsheet is designed, maintenance is as easy as brushing your teeth.
The Cash Flow Analysis contains column, just like a check register. There is a column for the date, description of transaction, debit (outflow/expense), credit (inflow/income), and balance. However, by maintaining the analysis in electronic form, the user can easily engage in cash flow planning in order to avoid, or at least minimize, extraneous expenses such as late fees, penalties, and interest.
To get started:
1. Design you spreadsheet columns and program your spreadsheet to calculate the balance automatically. Because you do not want to fall into the "red, " I recommend putting negative amounts in red.
2. Gather a list of pay dates and dates that your bills are due. I highly recommend performing an analysis for the upcoming three months or longer.
3. Record all the dates and amounts of the paychecks that you can count on, as well as the dates and amount of expenses that are due. Income that you cannot count on should not be recorded until it is received. Bills that vary from month to month (e.g. credit cards) should be estimated in advance, and you should do your best to stick to that budget. The finalized amount can be recorded when received.
4. At this point your balance column should give you a good indication of your day-to-day cash position. If you are in the black at all times, congratulations. If your analysis shows points that you will be falling into the red at some point, you will need to make adjustments. By looking at a few months at one time, you will probably see certain patterns and should look to adjust those patterns. (So, read on).
5. (!) Work on building a cushion into your budget in order to set aside available cash. A more sound, permanent solution is always is preferable to temporary solutions that are often bad or worse.
6. Request or negotiate billing cycles, payment schedules, or payment due dates that are more favorable to you--where halachically allowed. (E.g., if your credit card bill comes due on the 5th, and you find it difficult to pay in full because your mortgage and tuition payments are due on the 1st, request a later, more favorable billing cycle).
7. Anticipate future expenses, get organized, and plan your spending around your cash flow. (E.g., If Pesach or Sukkot throw you for a loop because that much cash is not available all at once, consider spreading out your expenditures out over the preceding months by buying and freezing meats, looking for clothing sales in advance, etc.)
8. Make sure that there are no surprises by regularily monitoring your checking account balance and updating it in your spreadsheet. Communicate to ensure that those who use the checking account know what they can spend from the account and when.
Please add your tips in the comments. I hope to add a debt management post which looks at ways to cut down on interest paid and tackling debt.
And, like I said before, if cash flow is an issue, make a plan to tackle the problem by building up an available cash resource, rather than living with the nightmare that it causes. This is a budgeting tool that is better off left unused.
Previous Budget Posts for background:
Budgeting Credit and Debt I
Budgeting Credit and Debt II
Budgeting Tool #1: Monthly Budget Tracking and Budget Summary
Budgets: Putting it on Paper, Defining Priorities, and Doing what it Takes
If your month-to-month budget is tight or you do not have available cash designated to cover occasional budget shortfalls, you run the risk of falling into debt, even if your monthly income exceeds your monthly expenses (which hopefully is the case). To avoid this possibility, you need to ensure that your cash inflows and your cash outflows are timed properly. I like to call this budgeting tool the "Cash Flow Analysis."
As always, while good old fashioned paper and pencil works, a simple electronic spreadsheet is much less tedious, reduces errors, and makes monthly upkeeping a breeze. Just like exercise, it is easier to maintain good habits when you don't have to start from scratch. So, while the initial programming takes time, once the spreadsheet is designed, maintenance is as easy as brushing your teeth.
The Cash Flow Analysis contains column, just like a check register. There is a column for the date, description of transaction, debit (outflow/expense), credit (inflow/income), and balance. However, by maintaining the analysis in electronic form, the user can easily engage in cash flow planning in order to avoid, or at least minimize, extraneous expenses such as late fees, penalties, and interest.
To get started:
1. Design you spreadsheet columns and program your spreadsheet to calculate the balance automatically. Because you do not want to fall into the "red, " I recommend putting negative amounts in red.
2. Gather a list of pay dates and dates that your bills are due. I highly recommend performing an analysis for the upcoming three months or longer.
3. Record all the dates and amounts of the paychecks that you can count on, as well as the dates and amount of expenses that are due. Income that you cannot count on should not be recorded until it is received. Bills that vary from month to month (e.g. credit cards) should be estimated in advance, and you should do your best to stick to that budget. The finalized amount can be recorded when received.
4. At this point your balance column should give you a good indication of your day-to-day cash position. If you are in the black at all times, congratulations. If your analysis shows points that you will be falling into the red at some point, you will need to make adjustments. By looking at a few months at one time, you will probably see certain patterns and should look to adjust those patterns. (So, read on).
5. (!) Work on building a cushion into your budget in order to set aside available cash. A more sound, permanent solution is always is preferable to temporary solutions that are often bad or worse.
6. Request or negotiate billing cycles, payment schedules, or payment due dates that are more favorable to you--where halachically allowed. (E.g., if your credit card bill comes due on the 5th, and you find it difficult to pay in full because your mortgage and tuition payments are due on the 1st, request a later, more favorable billing cycle).
7. Anticipate future expenses, get organized, and plan your spending around your cash flow. (E.g., If Pesach or Sukkot throw you for a loop because that much cash is not available all at once, consider spreading out your expenditures out over the preceding months by buying and freezing meats, looking for clothing sales in advance, etc.)
8. Make sure that there are no surprises by regularily monitoring your checking account balance and updating it in your spreadsheet. Communicate to ensure that those who use the checking account know what they can spend from the account and when.
Please add your tips in the comments. I hope to add a debt management post which looks at ways to cut down on interest paid and tackling debt.
And, like I said before, if cash flow is an issue, make a plan to tackle the problem by building up an available cash resource, rather than living with the nightmare that it causes. This is a budgeting tool that is better off left unused.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Overheard in the Kosher Grocery
Feel free to use this forum to add your own stories of the strangest things you have ever heard in the Kosher Grocery, or any other store geared toward the frum. Here are my top two:
1. Yesterday while waiting in line for my chickens which were being de-skinned in the back, the man in front of me says to the man behind the counter, "I'm here to pick up my Christmas Turkey." I'm glad that kosher stores get non-Jewish business. But, I can't imagine paying kosher prices if I didn't have to.
2. Months ago, I was in another kosher grocery and there were about 5 ladies in kippot. One of them exclaims to her friends, "these prices are soooo low!" Where does she shop regularly?
That's it. After Chanukah, back to our regular programming. Chanukah Sameach and Shabbat Shalom.
Feel free to use this forum to add your own stories of the strangest things you have ever heard in the Kosher Grocery, or any other store geared toward the frum. Here are my top two:
1. Yesterday while waiting in line for my chickens which were being de-skinned in the back, the man in front of me says to the man behind the counter, "I'm here to pick up my Christmas Turkey." I'm glad that kosher stores get non-Jewish business. But, I can't imagine paying kosher prices if I didn't have to.
2. Months ago, I was in another kosher grocery and there were about 5 ladies in kippot. One of them exclaims to her friends, "these prices are soooo low!" Where does she shop regularly?
That's it. After Chanukah, back to our regular programming. Chanukah Sameach and Shabbat Shalom.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Rabbi Horowitz Responds:
Keeping Our Children Safe
A week ago, I composed and sent a letter to Rabbi Horowitz, looking for information on the problem of sexual abuse in our communities, as well as information on how to approach the subject with our children. And, Rabbi Horowitz responded! So let it be known that "I started this Forest Fire."
Rabbi Horowitz responded this week in his Parenting Column with an article entitled "Keeping Our Children Safe: Part I." The response is lengthy, so I encourage you to read the response via the link. In brief, Rabbi Horowitz acknowledges the issue (and reminds us that "school faculty members commit only a tiny fraction of the abuse perpetrated on victims. Abusers are far more likely to be older kids in the neighborhood, family friends, neighbors, peers, extended or even close family members") , recognizes its importance of the issue, points out that the longer we let the problem fester the more problematic it becomes. He points out that abuse and neglect are the number one risk factors for children abandoning observance. He also writes " I assure you that things will not improve until we gather the energy and courage to change the culture of denial and stop the destructive habit of hoping that problems will self-correct and go away."
Please read the first part of the response and join me in wishing Rabbi and Mrs. Horowitz a Mazal Tov on their daughters impending chatunah.
In addition, I want to point out some information that Dr. Nachum Klafter presented in the comments of my letter here, as well as additional information on the subject here.
More posts on financial issues and Orthonomic issues to follow after Chanukah.
And a Chanukah Sameach. Also, HaSephardi was kind enough to post another Sephardi receipe for Pan D’Espanha. This is not in my regular lineup, but I'm looking forward to trying it sometime. Thank you.
Keeping Our Children Safe
A week ago, I composed and sent a letter to Rabbi Horowitz, looking for information on the problem of sexual abuse in our communities, as well as information on how to approach the subject with our children. And, Rabbi Horowitz responded! So let it be known that "I started this Forest Fire."
Rabbi Horowitz responded this week in his Parenting Column with an article entitled "Keeping Our Children Safe: Part I." The response is lengthy, so I encourage you to read the response via the link. In brief, Rabbi Horowitz acknowledges the issue (and reminds us that "school faculty members commit only a tiny fraction of the abuse perpetrated on victims. Abusers are far more likely to be older kids in the neighborhood, family friends, neighbors, peers, extended or even close family members") , recognizes its importance of the issue, points out that the longer we let the problem fester the more problematic it becomes. He points out that abuse and neglect are the number one risk factors for children abandoning observance. He also writes " I assure you that things will not improve until we gather the energy and courage to change the culture of denial and stop the destructive habit of hoping that problems will self-correct and go away."
Please read the first part of the response and join me in wishing Rabbi and Mrs. Horowitz a Mazal Tov on their daughters impending chatunah.
In addition, I want to point out some information that Dr. Nachum Klafter presented in the comments of my letter here, as well as additional information on the subject here.
More posts on financial issues and Orthonomic issues to follow after Chanukah.
And a Chanukah Sameach. Also, HaSephardi was kind enough to post another Sephardi receipe for Pan D’Espanha. This is not in my regular lineup, but I'm looking forward to trying it sometime. Thank you.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
BIG Mazal Tov and some Fun Chanukah Things
I want to take this time to wish all of my friends and readers a Chanukah Sameach and a Shabbat Shalom. Please keep reading and discussing. A great readership really helps the writer behind the computer screen.
And, I am honored to wish a big Mazal Tov to Rabbi Yakov and Udi Horowitz, on the upcoming marriage of their daughter Faigy to Dovid Meir Loeb on week from this Sunday. Rabbi Horowitz's articles and parenting column are excellent and well worth the time. May Faigy and Dovid Meir build a bayit ne'eman b'yisrael. What a lucky couple to have such parents to look to when their time to parent comes.
I've tried to make it a point to post some interesting Sephardi tidbit before each Yom Tov. So, in continuing with this tradition, I thought I would post a cute little Ladino Chanukah Song, "Ocho Kandelikas," which I was teaching one of my children this week, and a recipe for the food mentioned in the song.
The song can be heard in full here. (A word of warning for those who don't listen to kol isha on recordings, this recording includes kol isha. Sorry.)
Lyrics:
Hanukah linda sta aki, ocho kandelas para mi, Hanukah Linda sta aki, ocho kandelas para mi. O...
(Beautiful Chanukah is here, eight candles for me. )
Refrain: Una kandelika, dos kandelikas, tres kandelikas, kuatro kandelikas, sintyu kandelikas, sej kandelikas, siete kandelikas, ocho kandelas para mi.
(One candle, two candles, . . . . eight candles for me)
Muchas fiestas vo fazer, con alegrias i plazer. Muchas fiestas vo fazer, con alegrias i plazer. O...
(Many parties will be held, with happiness and pleasure)
Repeat Refrain.
Los pastelikos vo kumer, con almendrikas i la myel. Los pastelikos vo kumer, con almendrikas i la myel. O... (We will eat pastelikos [see below] with almonds and honey).
Repeat Refrain.
I want to take this time to wish all of my friends and readers a Chanukah Sameach and a Shabbat Shalom. Please keep reading and discussing. A great readership really helps the writer behind the computer screen.
And, I am honored to wish a big Mazal Tov to Rabbi Yakov and Udi Horowitz, on the upcoming marriage of their daughter Faigy to Dovid Meir Loeb on week from this Sunday. Rabbi Horowitz's articles and parenting column are excellent and well worth the time. May Faigy and Dovid Meir build a bayit ne'eman b'yisrael. What a lucky couple to have such parents to look to when their time to parent comes.
I've tried to make it a point to post some interesting Sephardi tidbit before each Yom Tov. So, in continuing with this tradition, I thought I would post a cute little Ladino Chanukah Song, "Ocho Kandelikas," which I was teaching one of my children this week, and a recipe for the food mentioned in the song.
The song can be heard in full here. (A word of warning for those who don't listen to kol isha on recordings, this recording includes kol isha. Sorry.)
Lyrics:
Hanukah linda sta aki, ocho kandelas para mi, Hanukah Linda sta aki, ocho kandelas para mi. O...
(Beautiful Chanukah is here, eight candles for me. )
Refrain: Una kandelika, dos kandelikas, tres kandelikas, kuatro kandelikas, sintyu kandelikas, sej kandelikas, siete kandelikas, ocho kandelas para mi.
(One candle, two candles, . . . . eight candles for me)
Muchas fiestas vo fazer, con alegrias i plazer. Muchas fiestas vo fazer, con alegrias i plazer. O...
(Many parties will be held, with happiness and pleasure)
Repeat Refrain.
Los pastelikos vo kumer, con almendrikas i la myel. Los pastelikos vo kumer, con almendrikas i la myel. O... (We will eat pastelikos [see below] with almonds and honey).
Repeat Refrain.
Bimuelos recipe
The following is a Sephardi pastry recipe for Chanukah. It is essentially a doughnut, but instead of putting jelly inside, it is dipped into a sweet syrup or warm honey. They can be made in advance, stored in an airtight container. But, if you make it in advance, warm the syrup for dipping in when you serve. (Since we are serving these for Shabbat Chanukah, I will be keeping the syrup warm on the blech for dipping at dessert time and may even warm the pastries up for a brief time).
- 1 package or 2.5 teaspoons active dry yeast
- 2 cups warm water
- 1 teaspoon sugar or honey
- 2.5 cups flour
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
- Vegetable oil for deep-frying
- 1 recipe of sugar syrup cooled
- Dissolve yeast in 1/4 cup of water. Stir in sugar or honey and let stand 5-10 minutes until foamy.
- Combine flour and salt in a large bowl and make a well in the center. Pour yeast mixture and remaining water into the well and stir until dough is smooth. Cover and let rise at room temperature until it doubles, approximately 1.5 hours. Stir again.
- Heat 2 inches of oil of a medium heat to 375 degrees.
- Dip spoon in cold water to drop doubt into hot oil. Deep-fry until golden brow on all sides. Drain on paper towels.
- Dip warm doughnuts into cooled syrup. If you prefer, you can dust with confectionery sugar (or see above for Shabbat method).
Sugar Syrup
Combine 2 cups of sugar (or 1 cup of sugar and 1 cup of honey) with 1 cup of water and 2 teaspoons of lemon juice. Bring to a boil, stirring frequently. Reduce heat to simmer and simmer without stirring until a syrup forms. Cool in the refrigerator. You can add a 1/2 teaspoon of ground cinnamon, a tablespoon of orange zest, or even a tablespoon or rose water or other fragrant water.
And a Halachic Concept
Rabbi Mansour answers the question, "Chanukah- When Your Neighbor Does Not Have Enough Money To Buy Oil To Light The Menorah," what the halacha is when your neighbor does not have the money to buy enough oil to light the minimum, while you have only enough money to fulfill lighting all of the candles (a hiddur, as we are only required on light on each night as a minimum). The answer in short is that the neighbor with money for all of the lights, but no more than that, sacrifices his hiddur so his neighbor can fulfill the mitzvah of lighting too.
Rabbi Mansour states: "Although this Halacha may not have direct, practical relevance nowadays, the underlying principle is an important one: a person should be prepared to help others perform Mitzvot at the minimum level, even at the expense of his own performance at the highest standard."
This principal hopefully will serve as a nice lead in to a future topic. (!) Stay tuned. . .and Happy Chanukah.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Just a Note
Some commentors have made the point that in cases of abuse that one can and should call the police in reaction to a point I made, which can be found here.
I agree that one can and should call the police. This is the psak that I hold by and I hope that I would have no problem following through with such an action should I need to.
However, I still believe we need a centralized place to report abuse to for a number of reasons. For starters, not every parent "holds" as I believe most of my self-selecting group of readers do. While we can and should put Torah based psakim out on the open marketplace for people to digest, we cannot expect change to happen overnight and, as it stands currently, there are those who will not make a report to the authorities (out of fear, hashkafah etc), and we need a hotline where they can make a report and where it will be dealt with responsibly for there.
In addition, even if everyone where to accept the psak that you can report, we still need our own records, I believe. Not every true claim of abuse has enough evidence to stand up in court. But, if there is a pattern of problems that follow an educator, hopefully, it could be dealt with properly. I'm not sure how we are to know if there is a problem of problems if we don't have our own records and there never is a conviction.
There are just some scattered thoughts. So, in conclusion, I'm willing to call the authorities if I ever need to, chas v'shalom. But, I still think a central database is a good idea.
Some commentors have made the point that in cases of abuse that one can and should call the police in reaction to a point I made, which can be found here.
I agree that one can and should call the police. This is the psak that I hold by and I hope that I would have no problem following through with such an action should I need to.
However, I still believe we need a centralized place to report abuse to for a number of reasons. For starters, not every parent "holds" as I believe most of my self-selecting group of readers do. While we can and should put Torah based psakim out on the open marketplace for people to digest, we cannot expect change to happen overnight and, as it stands currently, there are those who will not make a report to the authorities (out of fear, hashkafah etc), and we need a hotline where they can make a report and where it will be dealt with responsibly for there.
In addition, even if everyone where to accept the psak that you can report, we still need our own records, I believe. Not every true claim of abuse has enough evidence to stand up in court. But, if there is a pattern of problems that follow an educator, hopefully, it could be dealt with properly. I'm not sure how we are to know if there is a problem of problems if we don't have our own records and there never is a conviction.
There are just some scattered thoughts. So, in conclusion, I'm willing to call the authorities if I ever need to, chas v'shalom. But, I still think a central database is a good idea.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
My Letter to Rabbi Horowitz
Rabbi Horowitz runs a fantastic column on parenting. I’ve been planning on reviewing some of his answers on my blog, since he brings a unique perspective to the table. . . one that I wish were more common, but more on that at another time.
Since I enjoy the column and find the Rabbi to be a reasonable man, I thought I would write him a letter with some questions about the topic that has, unfortunately, reared its ugly head. (The letter appears below).
It doesn’t appear that much has been put forth on the subject from official Orthodox channels or from Yeshiva educators. But, in the age of instant communication, maybe I have come to expect too much too quickly.
I’d like to believe that I’m not afraid to address abuse with my own children. Yet, I can honestly say that I don’t really don’t know how to go about it. My parents never addressed the subject with me, which was rare since my parents did NOT leave sensitive subjects up to the school to address. And, when my (public) elementary brought in people from the abuse crisis center to address the issue, and my parents saw the information sent home, my parents remarked that these volunteers tend to exaggerate the number of people abused. So, while I feel confident as a parent and I write confidently on the subject, I have to admit I’m a bit afraid of the subject myself.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Rabbi Horowitz,
I am the proud mother of some very lovely young children who are growing up much too quickly. In general, I’d like to think of myself as a confident parent that tries to approach important issues a healthy balance. But, there are some issues out there for which the proper balance remains a mystery to me. And that is why I am seeking your advice sooner, rather than later.
Recently I have heard a number of stories about abuse in the frum community and would like to know just how prevalent abuse is in the frum community? In general, I’d like to preserve my children’s innocence while dealing with realities that need to be dealt with.
What responsibility do schools have when it comes to addressing children about this issue? And, what responsibility do parents have? At what age should parents begin to address the issue with their children, and in how much detail? And, what is the proper way to even begin the conversation?
Also, while my children are not teenagers yet, what should parents of teenage children say to their children, who are bound to either see headlines in the newspaper or hear about such terrible news through friends?
Sincerely,
A mother looking for balance and perspective
Rabbi Horowitz runs a fantastic column on parenting. I’ve been planning on reviewing some of his answers on my blog, since he brings a unique perspective to the table. . . one that I wish were more common, but more on that at another time.
Since I enjoy the column and find the Rabbi to be a reasonable man, I thought I would write him a letter with some questions about the topic that has, unfortunately, reared its ugly head. (The letter appears below).
It doesn’t appear that much has been put forth on the subject from official Orthodox channels or from Yeshiva educators. But, in the age of instant communication, maybe I have come to expect too much too quickly.
I’d like to believe that I’m not afraid to address abuse with my own children. Yet, I can honestly say that I don’t really don’t know how to go about it. My parents never addressed the subject with me, which was rare since my parents did NOT leave sensitive subjects up to the school to address. And, when my (public) elementary brought in people from the abuse crisis center to address the issue, and my parents saw the information sent home, my parents remarked that these volunteers tend to exaggerate the number of people abused. So, while I feel confident as a parent and I write confidently on the subject, I have to admit I’m a bit afraid of the subject myself.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Rabbi Horowitz,
I am the proud mother of some very lovely young children who are growing up much too quickly. In general, I’d like to think of myself as a confident parent that tries to approach important issues a healthy balance. But, there are some issues out there for which the proper balance remains a mystery to me. And that is why I am seeking your advice sooner, rather than later.
Recently I have heard a number of stories about abuse in the frum community and would like to know just how prevalent abuse is in the frum community? In general, I’d like to preserve my children’s innocence while dealing with realities that need to be dealt with.
What responsibility do schools have when it comes to addressing children about this issue? And, what responsibility do parents have? At what age should parents begin to address the issue with their children, and in how much detail? And, what is the proper way to even begin the conversation?
Also, while my children are not teenagers yet, what should parents of teenage children say to their children, who are bound to either see headlines in the newspaper or hear about such terrible news through friends?
Sincerely,
A mother looking for balance and perspective
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Looking Beyond the Kolko Case
There is no need for me to recount the sorrid accusations involving Yeshiva Torah Temimah and Rabbis Yehuda Kolko and Margulies. As I do not live in Brooklyn, my familiarity with this particular case only stems from various newspaper reports, blog posts, and their accompanying comments, most of which are a complete waste of time to read. While there are some commenters who offer constructive and purposeful comments, many commenters are throwing accusations that serve no purpose but to tar an entire set or subset of Jews and promote an unhealthy level of cynicism, while another set of commenters are out to convince us that the arrest and accusations spanning 30 years are completely baseless. These commenters seek to uphold the kavod of the Rabbinate by undermining the integrity of the alleged victims, labelling their accusations as "personal vendettas" and making comments alluding to their "problems." With these types of neighbors, it is no wonder that we are all so afraid of our own shadows!
Back in May 2006 when this topic came to light, I wrote a (hopefully constructive) post titled "Protecting Our Children, Protecting Ourselves: Sexual Abuse and Necessary Guidelines." I still stand by my original premises of the post including that "there are sexual predators in every community out there, including our own, that we need to protect our children from." In short, sexual predatorship (is that a word?) and sexual deviancy are human issues. And, frum society (both "Chareidi" and "Modern") are not immune to these issues.
My husband and I can claim more than a passing familiarity with a good handful of communities in the US: some small, some medium, and some large, and some super-sized. Outside of our current residence (for which I do not have enough historical knowledge), every single one of these communities that we have lived in has suffered from issues of sexual abuse perpetrated by authority figures. [And, even in our current community, there is a convicted sexual offender. While cries of lashon hara went out when someone publicly mentioned the offender database on the internet, I was personally glad to find out this tidbit of information as we were considering making a bid on a home within a stone's throw of this man's home at the time. While one man told us that his mistake that resulted in a conviction shouldn't affect our children, as a parent, I would rather play it safe and choose a different block to live on. (In the end, the home went for a price well above our range, and the issue became a non-issue-the story).]
Blame it on my professional background. . . but, while others continue to argue about the Kolko case, I prefer to concentrate on a different issue, one that extends beyond the shelf-life of this case, or similar cases. Namely, how can the Jewish community provide reasonable assurance that Jewish children are safe in day schools, camps, synagogues, and youth groups?
As it stands today:
*I have a list of numbers to call when I need to know if a product is kosher. And, if I find an unauthorized heksher, I know where to call to report it.
*I have a list of poskim who I can call for questions of all sorts.
*I know where to call when I need to borrow a wheelchair for my visiting grandmother or request a Shabbat box in the hospital.
*I know where to call if we need hospitality in an out-of-town community, and I even know where to call should we need to borrow a porta-crib or stroller.
*I know where to call when there is a family desperately in need of funds to pay their rent.
. . . But, I do NOT know where to call if (chas v'shalom, it should happen to no one) my child is abused by an authority figure!
When the Rabbis and the Yeshiva in question have had their day in court, the case will have come to a close. But, the issues that have come to light will be here to stay. And parents need to know where to turn to should there be a problem, and our institutions also need to know where to turn to before there is a problem.
While it is impossible to give a 100% guarantee of safety, we must institute a structure that gives us reasonable assurance that our children are safe. Fortunately, we have community members like Elliot Pasik who are actively involving themselves with these issues, especially on the lobbying end, which requires a special skill. However, I believe, as parents we also need to be asking the "hard questions" to let the administrators in our children's schools know that we want structure.
Your (constructive) thoughts?
Recommended links:
Rabbi Michael J. Broyde: Informing on Others for ViolatingAmerican Law: A Jewish Law View
Lecture by Rav Herschel Schacter "Nobody Talks About It"
Ari Kinsberg: "A Failure of the Orthodox Community"
P.S. Please keep it clean.
There is no need for me to recount the sorrid accusations involving Yeshiva Torah Temimah and Rabbis Yehuda Kolko and Margulies. As I do not live in Brooklyn, my familiarity with this particular case only stems from various newspaper reports, blog posts, and their accompanying comments, most of which are a complete waste of time to read. While there are some commenters who offer constructive and purposeful comments, many commenters are throwing accusations that serve no purpose but to tar an entire set or subset of Jews and promote an unhealthy level of cynicism, while another set of commenters are out to convince us that the arrest and accusations spanning 30 years are completely baseless. These commenters seek to uphold the kavod of the Rabbinate by undermining the integrity of the alleged victims, labelling their accusations as "personal vendettas" and making comments alluding to their "problems." With these types of neighbors, it is no wonder that we are all so afraid of our own shadows!
Back in May 2006 when this topic came to light, I wrote a (hopefully constructive) post titled "Protecting Our Children, Protecting Ourselves: Sexual Abuse and Necessary Guidelines." I still stand by my original premises of the post including that "there are sexual predators in every community out there, including our own, that we need to protect our children from." In short, sexual predatorship (is that a word?) and sexual deviancy are human issues. And, frum society (both "Chareidi" and "Modern") are not immune to these issues.
My husband and I can claim more than a passing familiarity with a good handful of communities in the US: some small, some medium, and some large, and some super-sized. Outside of our current residence (for which I do not have enough historical knowledge), every single one of these communities that we have lived in has suffered from issues of sexual abuse perpetrated by authority figures. [And, even in our current community, there is a convicted sexual offender. While cries of lashon hara went out when someone publicly mentioned the offender database on the internet, I was personally glad to find out this tidbit of information as we were considering making a bid on a home within a stone's throw of this man's home at the time. While one man told us that his mistake that resulted in a conviction shouldn't affect our children, as a parent, I would rather play it safe and choose a different block to live on. (In the end, the home went for a price well above our range, and the issue became a non-issue-the story).]
Blame it on my professional background. . . but, while others continue to argue about the Kolko case, I prefer to concentrate on a different issue, one that extends beyond the shelf-life of this case, or similar cases. Namely, how can the Jewish community provide reasonable assurance that Jewish children are safe in day schools, camps, synagogues, and youth groups?
As it stands today:
*I have a list of numbers to call when I need to know if a product is kosher. And, if I find an unauthorized heksher, I know where to call to report it.
*I have a list of poskim who I can call for questions of all sorts.
*I know where to call when I need to borrow a wheelchair for my visiting grandmother or request a Shabbat box in the hospital.
*I know where to call if we need hospitality in an out-of-town community, and I even know where to call should we need to borrow a porta-crib or stroller.
*I know where to call when there is a family desperately in need of funds to pay their rent.
. . . But, I do NOT know where to call if (chas v'shalom, it should happen to no one) my child is abused by an authority figure!
When the Rabbis and the Yeshiva in question have had their day in court, the case will have come to a close. But, the issues that have come to light will be here to stay. And parents need to know where to turn to should there be a problem, and our institutions also need to know where to turn to before there is a problem.
While it is impossible to give a 100% guarantee of safety, we must institute a structure that gives us reasonable assurance that our children are safe. Fortunately, we have community members like Elliot Pasik who are actively involving themselves with these issues, especially on the lobbying end, which requires a special skill. However, I believe, as parents we also need to be asking the "hard questions" to let the administrators in our children's schools know that we want structure.
Your (constructive) thoughts?
Recommended links:
Rabbi Michael J. Broyde: Informing on Others for ViolatingAmerican Law: A Jewish Law View
Lecture by Rav Herschel Schacter "Nobody Talks About It"
Ari Kinsberg: "A Failure of the Orthodox Community"
P.S. Please keep it clean.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Flexible Spending Accounts
The end of the calendar year is quickly approaching, and many employees are currently being asked if they want to fund a "Flexible Spending Account" (FSA). While the subject is relevant, I wanted to write a brief overview of these accounts, in addition to discussing their advantages and disadvantages.
In brief, the advantage of an FSA is the tax savings. The program allows an employee to put aside "pre-tax" money from earnings each pay period to help pay for two types of expenses:
1) Qualified Out-of-Pocket Health Care expenses and/or
2) Qualified Dependent Care expenses, i.e. childcare or adult dependent care expenses for qualified dependents that are necessary to allow you or your spouse to work, look for work (so long as you find a job and earn income), or attend school full-time.
An employee can put aside funds for one or both of these purposes, but funds must be designated separately for the entire calendar year. Both spouses can contribute the maximum amount allowed to their own Health Care FSA (HCFSA), however the amount allowed for the Dependent Care FSA (DCFSA) is limited per household.
Question: Just how much tax can you expect to save on your designated funds?
Answer: No less than 7.65% (FICA withholding that all employees are subject to) to upwards of 50%, although most will fall somewhere between 20 and 40%. To estimate your tax savings, add together your respective federal marginal tax bracket (ranges between zero and 35%), your respective state marginal tax (can range up to approx. 10%), and the 7.65% FICA withholdings.
Question: What Out-of-Pocket Health Care Costs qualify for coverage?
Answer: Basically all expenses except insurance premiums (e.g. dental and vision insurance) and items like over-the-counter vitamins. Of course, the list of allowable and unallowable expenses is a long and tedious read. But, before you go about designating your earnings, you should become familiar with it.
Question: What are the disadvantages?
Answer: The prime disadvantages are the following:
1) "Use it or Lose it" Whatever money is left in your account at the end of the Benefit Period (usually March of the following year, I believe) you forfeit for good. There are no refunds. This is a requirement of federal law.
2) If you are laid-off or leave your job without spending your account, it is gone forever.
3) The paperwork and recordkeeping. Proper documentation (receipts, bar codes on over the counter medications, etc) will need to be submitted with claims. Organization is key and those who lack time will suffer. Update: Many companies do have paperless reimbursement for certain expenses like co-pays.
Question: Can I still receive a tax credit for my childcare on my 1040 Tax Return if I am using a DCFSA?
Answer: No and Yes. You cannot receive the tax credit for the amount you designated in your DCFSA, but the incremental excess amount that you spent beyond your DCFSA designation can be claimed. (It is a bit complicated, but here is an example: A household with two children can claim a credit on a percentage of $6000 in childcare costs or $3000 per child. If the family only designates $4000 to their DCFSA, they can claim a credit on the excess $2000.)
Note: The same goes for trying to deduct health care expenses above 7.5% of your adjusted from income on your Schedule A (Itemized tax deductions).
Question: Is it better to use the tax credit or the DCFSA?
Answer: It depends. Because a greater dependent care tax credit is offered to those with lower household incomes, some will benefit more from using the tax credit.
Question: Does my childcare provider need to be paid "over the table?"
Answer: Yes, yes, yes. Don't make your designation unless you know your provider is filing their taxes. You will need the Tax ID or Social Security number for your daycare provider or babysitter. Without this vital information, you will not be reimbursed. You also might want to make sure that your provider understands why you are asking for this information(!).
Question: Is camp a qualified DCFSA expense? What about yeshiva tuition?
Answer: Day camp for a child 13 and under is a qualied expense. But, overnight camp is not, unless there is itemized billing for day services only! And, no tuition for an elementary school child does not qualify either. But, before and after-care services do if they are separately itemized.
Question: How much should I designate to my FSA?
Answer: Review your prior years expenses (I assume everyone has been tracking their budget now?)to determine your future expenses, but be careful not to overestimate what you will spend because of the "Use it or Lose it" clause. Also, be very careful you only include qualifying expenses. You don't want to end up buying ridiculous amounts of over-the-counter drugs because you stand to lose a significant amount of money otherwise.
Disclaimer: Please do your more research if you have questions and read your enrollment forms carefully. This is a primer on the subject and is in no way a complete overview. Goodluck.
The end of the calendar year is quickly approaching, and many employees are currently being asked if they want to fund a "Flexible Spending Account" (FSA). While the subject is relevant, I wanted to write a brief overview of these accounts, in addition to discussing their advantages and disadvantages.
In brief, the advantage of an FSA is the tax savings. The program allows an employee to put aside "pre-tax" money from earnings each pay period to help pay for two types of expenses:
1) Qualified Out-of-Pocket Health Care expenses and/or
2) Qualified Dependent Care expenses, i.e. childcare or adult dependent care expenses for qualified dependents that are necessary to allow you or your spouse to work, look for work (so long as you find a job and earn income), or attend school full-time.
An employee can put aside funds for one or both of these purposes, but funds must be designated separately for the entire calendar year. Both spouses can contribute the maximum amount allowed to their own Health Care FSA (HCFSA), however the amount allowed for the Dependent Care FSA (DCFSA) is limited per household.
Question: Just how much tax can you expect to save on your designated funds?
Answer: No less than 7.65% (FICA withholding that all employees are subject to) to upwards of 50%, although most will fall somewhere between 20 and 40%. To estimate your tax savings, add together your respective federal marginal tax bracket (ranges between zero and 35%), your respective state marginal tax (can range up to approx. 10%), and the 7.65% FICA withholdings.
Question: What Out-of-Pocket Health Care Costs qualify for coverage?
Answer: Basically all expenses except insurance premiums (e.g. dental and vision insurance) and items like over-the-counter vitamins. Of course, the list of allowable and unallowable expenses is a long and tedious read. But, before you go about designating your earnings, you should become familiar with it.
Question: What are the disadvantages?
Answer: The prime disadvantages are the following:
1) "Use it or Lose it" Whatever money is left in your account at the end of the Benefit Period (usually March of the following year, I believe) you forfeit for good. There are no refunds. This is a requirement of federal law.
2) If you are laid-off or leave your job without spending your account, it is gone forever.
3) The paperwork and recordkeeping. Proper documentation (receipts, bar codes on over the counter medications, etc) will need to be submitted with claims. Organization is key and those who lack time will suffer. Update: Many companies do have paperless reimbursement for certain expenses like co-pays.
Question: Can I still receive a tax credit for my childcare on my 1040 Tax Return if I am using a DCFSA?
Answer: No and Yes. You cannot receive the tax credit for the amount you designated in your DCFSA, but the incremental excess amount that you spent beyond your DCFSA designation can be claimed. (It is a bit complicated, but here is an example: A household with two children can claim a credit on a percentage of $6000 in childcare costs or $3000 per child. If the family only designates $4000 to their DCFSA, they can claim a credit on the excess $2000.)
Note: The same goes for trying to deduct health care expenses above 7.5% of your adjusted from income on your Schedule A (Itemized tax deductions).
Question: Is it better to use the tax credit or the DCFSA?
Answer: It depends. Because a greater dependent care tax credit is offered to those with lower household incomes, some will benefit more from using the tax credit.
Question: Does my childcare provider need to be paid "over the table?"
Answer: Yes, yes, yes. Don't make your designation unless you know your provider is filing their taxes. You will need the Tax ID or Social Security number for your daycare provider or babysitter. Without this vital information, you will not be reimbursed. You also might want to make sure that your provider understands why you are asking for this information(!).
Question: Is camp a qualified DCFSA expense? What about yeshiva tuition?
Answer: Day camp for a child 13 and under is a qualied expense. But, overnight camp is not, unless there is itemized billing for day services only! And, no tuition for an elementary school child does not qualify either. But, before and after-care services do if they are separately itemized.
Question: How much should I designate to my FSA?
Answer: Review your prior years expenses (I assume everyone has been tracking their budget now?)to determine your future expenses, but be careful not to overestimate what you will spend because of the "Use it or Lose it" clause. Also, be very careful you only include qualifying expenses. You don't want to end up buying ridiculous amounts of over-the-counter drugs because you stand to lose a significant amount of money otherwise.
Disclaimer: Please do your more research if you have questions and read your enrollment forms carefully. This is a primer on the subject and is in no way a complete overview. Goodluck.
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