Fun: A Tuition Solution that is not for the Masses

This tuition solution wouldn't work for us. But if you are from Belgium, you might want to take note.

The Forward reports, "Some 140 years ago, King of the Belgians Leopold II instituted an unusual tradition: The seventh consecutive daughter or son born to a Belgian family gets a special godparent. The queen is responsible for the daughters, and the king gets the sons. To qualify for this honor, the family has to be of good character."

Little Batsheva (an appropriate name if you ask me!) of Riverdale became a goddaughter of the Queen of Belgium on Mother's Day. "The benefits [she will receive include] free education and twice-a-year access to the castle."

I believe that I know Batsheva's aunt, uncle and cousins. I wonder if I will be seeing the 2nd installment of this story in a handful of years.

An Impediment to Gainful Employment: Expecting too much too quickly

There is an insidious attitude that I think underscores many situations of unemployment and underemployment. I've seen it in the world at large. And I've seen it in the frum community. But as I see it, when this attitude rears its head in the frum community (in America or in Israel), the effects on the community at large are far more direct.

The infamous "Ed," who likes to spend his blogging hours disagreeing with Rabbi Harry Maryles posted a comment that underscores this bad attitude in all its glory. It appears below with emphasis added and a minor spelling change or two below.

A Meshulach from Kiryat Sefer knocked on my door, and I offered him a drink which he graciously accepted. He seemed not to mind to relax a couple minutes, so I had a little talk with him.

In a polite way, I asked him why so few avreichim are willing to study and work. He responded along the lines, that to begin with, the Matzav Ha'parnassa is in general very difficult. The million or so Russians which have recently immigrated are willing to work for much less as their needs are much less, and they have overtaken a significant part of the job market.

To have a good job, it usually requires one to be in the Chiloni "territory", where the anti religious atmosphere is very strong. Thus, it is in general a Matzav of Sakana Ruchni and therefore discouraged as many are not able to withstand the constant pressure and ridicule.

He mentioned that in America, this is not so. Here, we are among mainly Goyim and its much easier to create lines that ought not to be crossed.

Whereas there in EY, the lines are very often blurred. (Take for example the Daat Emet site, where he attempts to use Torah to disprove Torah. For one who isn't particularly knowledgeable in certain specifics, his anti Torah arguments can sometimes sound very persuasive.)

Whereas in America, where frum Jews are much more influential and have much unity, its a lot easier having many people in the workforce since they have a strong Torah community as a backbone. Whereas for example France lacks that, and therefore, there's a stronger need for a stricter adherence to Torah.

The attitude underscored is one that cripples employability. An entry level worker who expects far too much, far too quickly in terms of pay, hours, and location is just not an attractive candidate. And, entry level workers are disposable. If this one won't take the job for $30,000 annual salary, there are three in line behind him who will. And if the employee in line behind expresses more flexibility regarding location or shifts, you can be sure that the first entry level candidate will be told to go to the back of the line.

One cannot ask for a salary beyond what the market will bear. One must expect to put in their time and be rewarded later. Those who expect too much too soon are bound to be passed up even when applying for minimum wage jobs! Landing a job is a competitive process, and so one must compete.

I remember landing my first job as an employee during the summer following my first year of college. I called nearly every contact in the classifieds if I thought I was remotely qualified: camp counselor, hostess in a restaurant, secretary, front desk person, telemarketer, ice cream scooper, dish washer. . . .you name it, I applied. Unable to wait it out and watch the summer go by making it more unlikely I would land a job, I took the first job I was offered.

It was a minimum wage job at $4.10 an hour. But I couldn't be unthankful. I was lucky to get that job! The employer didn't really need me. There were other people willing to take the job too. But, I think he chose me over the others because I was willing to work almost any shift that he asked of me. I had scheduled the accounting class that I was taking at 6:30 AM to be available to take nearly any job that would come up, and I ended up with a busy schedule that summer since I often ended up working the late night shift at this job. I also had a second job tutoring and I took a third job later in the summer which involved some heavier labor (at $8.00 a hour).

While the job offered me no marketable skills (unless you can count cleaning up after other people at the end of the day, something I do far too often now), it offered me a chance to prove that I could be a loyal and reliable employee, and it gave me something to put on my resume that involved working for someone besides me or my father.

I'm really glad that at this point in my life I have been able to bury my few jobs in the annals of history. But, I expect that when I return to full time work for an employer someday, I will be expected to demonstrate the same flexbility and loyalty that landed me those first two jobs and the professional jobs that followed.

On a related note: a couple of Pesachs ago, my son took an interest in watching a family that would drive through the neighborhood collecting trash that had value to them. For little children, dirty work does not seem to lack respect, as even the trash collector can be a hero for a little boy. We saw this family at least three times during the Chag as they would appear in various parts of the neighborhood.

It sparked an interesting conversation between me and my husband about what types of work we would be willing to do should that ever become necessary. While we never reached a hard and fast conclusion (nor do I wish that upon us), we did conclude that employment is far superior to unemployment.

That's Obscene!!!

A week ago, while we were eating our Shabbat seudot outside of our own home and community, I took a little time before seudah shlishit to review the last chapter of Pirkei Avot where the following is said "This is the way of Torah: Eat bread with salt, drink water in small measure, sleep on the ground, live a life of deprivation--but toil in the Torah!. . . . . " which is followed by "Do not seek greatness for yourself, and do not crave honor. . . . . "

Not even a half hour later, one of the parties present starts talking about an engagement party that someone in their community made for which they had paid he local catereer $20,000. (Just in case you think I added a zero I will verify that: $20,000, $20,000, twenty thousand dollars, a two followed by 4 zeros). I'm not kidding when I say that no one present, except my husband and I, blinked an eye.

I'm not so bold in person, but I couldn't refrain from saying something . So, I inquired "don't you think that its a bit much for only an engagement?" to which this father of married children and modest means started detailing the costs of their son's aufruf, as if spending massive amounts of money was just the most normal thing in the universe and a perfectly acceptable thing for observant Jews to do.

(Just in case you are wondering, there is no way that their *catered* aufruf kiddush alone cost less than $3000 as they paid for 900 heads 10 years ago. I'm not sure how many people were at the seudah following the aufruf, but my husband estimates around 200 people. At another $15 a head, that would be another $3000. And, I'm probably estimating far too low. But I'm not so familiar with NY costs 10 years ago. Maybe I should double all of my guesstimates to $12,000?).

Nonetheless, spending $20,000 on engagement party in 2007, is more than excessive. It is not only immodest, it's obscene!

While I can be more forgiving regarding expensive and lavish weddings complete with many excesses, I just cannot do the same for such an engagement parties (aka "l'chaims" or "vort"). The engagement, in the modern era, has no religious significance, unless one is chassidish and signs a ta'anaim at the time of the engagement. The engagement is not a wedding, nor should it be turned into such.

While few people I know throw a sit-down meals for an engagement party or even hire a one-man band or photographer, few couples forgo a public l'chaim or vort, and one has to ask why? Why have engagement parties taken on such a significant role in the life of a young couple? When did such parties become a "requirement?"

Any other comments on l'chaims or vorts are welcome. Do you feel obligated to attend such events? Have you ever put on a vort for someone whose family didn't put one on? If you had one, did you enjoy it? (At one l'chaim we attended, the young couple told us they'd rather be somewhere else but was just making an appearance). How did you celebrate your engagement? (I insist we didn't have a l'chaim/vort, but my husband insists we did because our parents were both present when we announced an engagement over lunch and we opened a bottle of win. Ultimately I'm just thankful to Hashem that I married someone who thought the simplicity of our engagement was a party. Now that is sweet. Happy upcoming anniversary to us!)

Life Insurance: A Reasonable Request

At its recent annual meeting, the Rabbinical Council of America called upon all Orthodox Families to purchase life insurance of at least $1,000,000 for the breadwinner and $500,000 for the spouse. The RCA points out that there are numerous occurrences of young parents passing and that the fundraising efforts that follow put a tremendous financial strain on the Jewish community.

The RCA puts forward the following suggestions to encourage the fulfillment of this resolution:

• Institute the Zichron Dov life insurance fund in every shul to ensure that every member of every shul has life insurance.
• Educate young brides and grooms on the importance of buying life insurance before marriage.
• Lobby their local schools to provide life insurance for every teacher working more than 20 hours a week, increasing tuition by no more than $20 a year.
• Speak from the pulpit one time during the Yomim Noraim on the importance of this issue.
• Compile lists of insurance brokers in their respective communities to make the process easier for every congregant and student.

These are all fine suggestions and if you keep reading you will see that I have some of my own (bolder) suggestions.

I believe that an insured Orthodox public is vital to the financial health of the community. I wrote about the important of life insurance in one of my opening posts and received positive feedback. I still believe that many young couples do not have life insurance and was pleased to see the RCA put forward this resolution (I plan to increase my premium as suggested, my husband's policies total a bit over the proposed million).

Over at Hirhurim, I had an exchange with a commenter who thought that the life insurance recommendation was excessive. He wrote "The RCA's resolution on insurance is plain silly. Life insurance depends on circumstances. 1 million assumes a high income-like residents of Woodsburgh, Fieldstone etc. typically have. How many times replacement economic value does the RCA feel people must have. You don't want a spouse to be better off if the other spouse dies."

In sum, I wrote that if anything the recommendations were probably too low (although reasonable nonetheless). In many homes, if the primary breadwinner were to pass away (or loose a job), the secondary income earner (or potential income earner) would very likely be unable to pull in enough cash to support the necessary regular monthly expenditures, much less the massive tuition expenditures that they were incurring or are sure to incur in the future. I also pointed out that a death of a parent/spouse is extremely jarring and that "being forced to sell a home, pull kids out of day school, etc because of that death would be horrific."

The poster I was conversing disagreed with my assertion that the kids would have to be pulled out of day school, writing, " the one time they will generally give scholarships is in the fortunately rare case of young breadwinner being niftar. Of course, they more than make up for it in Scholarship Dinners etc."

While the poster is correct that schools generally come through in the face of such tragedy, I think the RCA is making a very reasonable suggestion. I would estimate that no matter how you cut it and no matter where, a family will need somewhere around $150,000 (probably more) in today's dollars to educate each child that they have for the years K-12 alone. I read that the average Orthodox family has 4.5 children. A family with 4-5 children who looses their primary income earner will need a massive amount of funds. Either the living spouse (and/or their family) will need to provide the funds, or the community will need provide the funds.

Due to the tremendous strain already on the Orthodox community, it is certainly a reasonable request that we all buy adequate life insurance policies. The question is, how do we get the job done?

Above I posted the RCA's proposals to encourage life insurance. Here are some additional proposals of my own:

1. Work with the Agudah (and Chabad and Chassidic groups) and encourage them to put out their own "takanahs." G-d willing such a takanah will be more successful that the infamous simcha guidelines. My anecdotal evidence would suggest that the families that most need to hear this suggestion are not affiliated with the more modern Orthodox element and they need their own leadership's encouragement. Nevertheless, we are all brothers and I receive enough mail in my box to know that more needs to be done.

2. Require day school and yeshiva parents to maintain a current life insurance policy and keep a copy of the updated policy in the school office as part of the tuition payment contract.

3. Don't just educate chatanim and kallot about life insurance (see RCA suggestion above). . . educate their parents. I have yet to open a series parents, children, and money, but a preview of a planned subjects includes an entry about what expenses a parent might want to pick up should their (married) adult child be unable to (or refuse). One expenses that should surely qualify is life insurance. And considering just how many families draw up contracts with the mechutanim regarding "support," it might be wise to draw up a contract with the children who are spending the support and let them know that life insurance is a top priority and a must.

Let's all put it on our to do list to review our own life insurance policies. But, please G-d, we should never have to use them.

Life Skills

Rabbi Horowitz's next Mishpacha column is up on his website here. He looks at the necessity of teaching "life skills" to our children and how it falls under the umbrella of the obligation to teach one's son a vocation.

Quite frankly, the fact that we need to even have a discussion about acquiring basic life skills is astounding and borders on insane. The world is such that your average person must utilize basic math, composition, and oratory skills on a regular basis. To allow children to graduate high school without these skills is nearly criminal.

In my two former workplaces, management administered a written exam before they would even conduct an interview for hiring. I do not believe that this is common procedure in most offices or most professions, but I think it is a fine idea and if I were to ever open my own firm and hire my own employees., I would conduct a written exam. As the employee who was more often than not assigned to take new auditors out into the field to teach basic audit technique and work paper composition, I have found that employees lacking communication skills are like dead weight. Imagine what it would be like working with those who didn't even get through the interview process!

Unfortunately, many of our children are lacking basic life skills. I had the opportunity to teach in a Girls High School and had students who could not produce an organized, concise, grammatically correct short paragraph or even sentence. Forget spelling! One would think that they had unintentionally entered a conversation on Instant Messenger if they saw the work that was submitted to me. (Girls, the word before is not spelled b4, too/to is not 2, and for is not 4!). I had other high school students who did not know the order of operations or who could not add fractions with different denominators, much less apply their skills to a basic word problem (heck, they were not even being assiged word problems). I'm not sure that these girls will be able to project a household budget, although some of them are now engaged/married and will be expected to support or partially support their household. And when I pulled out my red pen, they cried bloody murder all the way to the administrator's office, where I got slapped on the wrist for hurting their self-esteem.

I believe that what we include in a yeshiva or day school curriculum should be deliberate. I do not believe that we need to teach every subject that is taught in other schools. But we cannot afford to ignore basic skills that are necessary for everyday living.

Many will argue that the lengthy school day and the demands of a proper kodesh curriculum do not allow enough time to concentrate on these skills. I would argue that many of these skills can be incorporated into the kodesh curriculum, bringing with them a side benefit of increased respect for the general studies staff (the current disrespect being a large impediment to successfully teaching these skills). I do not believe one need to write and present their thesis on a theme in a Shakespeare work to become proficient in composition. One could present an essay on a theme in the parsha that could be reviewed by the Rebbe and the English teacher. A student could orally present Divrei Torah throughout the year and be graded on their presentation and speaking skills.

Or, as my 9th grade English teacher used to say, I won't tell you what you write about in your journal, just write, write, and write because you will be writing for the rest of your life. I don't know if I believed him at the time. . . . but I'm still writing!

What Convenience do you Dream of?

After a handful of heavy Orthonomic posts, I always say it is time for something lite. So, here it is. Let me know what convenience you dream of and why.

A big errand day, usually brought on by near complete depletion of the basics and beyond, usually includes stopping at 2-3 grocery stores, one drug store, the bank, and the (lastly) the kosher "grocery" store. Our home is still traveling circus in tow.

Getting kids in and out of the car for grocery shopping isn't too fun. But, I make this part of errand day minimally painfully by having my lists prepared in advance using my stored knowledge and the weekly circulars. I know where most items are located and I don't veer off beaten path if I don't have to. I enlist all the help I can get by giving age appropriate assignments and I try to move as quick as possible. Minimal distraction and interruption keeps the "gimmes" under control and I just pray that we will go straight through check out without having to buy what the little ones touch.

After grocery shopping, I can really appropriate the convenience of the drive through bank teller. I enjoy this convenience so much that I keep a handful of deposit slips in the glove compartment of each car, along with a pen. Some love the ATM, but I prefer to have a human process my deposits. While my kids have seen the inside of a bank plenty of times, I'm glad that I don't have to take the traveling circus into the establishment every single time.

The last stop I usually make on a major stock up trip is the kosher grocery store. Being in the kosher grocery is the opposite of shopping of shopping in a chain grocery store, at least for me. I generally limit my purchases to cheese, poultry, and meat (as well as a handful of middle eastern items, speciality items, and frozen items, from time to time). I tend not to make the decision of what I am buying until I see the current prices. I usually have the butcher remove the skin from any chicken since I hate handling the poultry myself. All of this takes time and results in disciplining a little kid so he doesn't "pop" the saran wrap on every meat package in sight. On top of that, I never know where any non-meat or cheese products are, and because the stores are small, it is hard to steer clear of the things that give the kids the gimmes. All together, a trip to the kosher grocer can turn an almost pleasurable errand day experience into a nightmare.

My dream: a website with the current prices of the meat and a drive through window. I'd call in advance and place my order and they would give me a deadline on pickup. When I go to pickup, I would just drive through and load the groceries into the trunk. My husband says it will never happen because such a convenience would require too much manpower and would result in less impulse purchases (especially prepared food) on the part of customers. But, let me tell you, if I could call in my order hours before and drive through to pick it up, let me tell you, I'd happily patronize the store that could offer me this convenience.

The Competition Heats Up

Somehow I made the finals for the JIB Specialty Award, Best Contribution / Blog that Made a Difference. And let me tell you, the competition is stiff. In fact, I'm up against my own favorite Rabbi, educator, and columnist Rabbi Horowitz. I'm also up against a Avraham who writes the DafNotes blog, the ever popular Muqata, and many other popular bloggers. So check it out and vote for whoever you believe is deserving.

The Highest Level of Tzedakah

Hat Tip: Greg

Over a year ago, I wrote a post titled "A Fantastic Cause, but a Ridiculous Claim." I was writing about a ridiculous claim made by a tzedakah organization. The brochure stated "you have the power to determine how many families will be able to escape the vicious circle of poverty, distress and despondency!"

Being that I would love to invest in such a cause I read on, but was disappointed to find that the organization did not seek to put families on their own two feet through vocational training, apprentice programs, or job counseling and placement services. It only sought to provide temporary relief.

And while giving money to families to relieve building debts, feed their family, etc, is a form of tzedakah, this type of relief is only temporary. Without permanent changes, a family will not be able "to escape the vicious circle of poverty," as this unnamed organization claimed and chances are, that in only a small number of year, they will be back in a terrible position.

Not too long ago I received a solicitation confirming what I already knew. A family who was bailed out of debt year earlier (much of which was "Marriage Debt") was back in the very same situation just years later.

Letters like this make me want to scream: Why are we perpetuating a system that is failing so many? Why do we not seek to give tzedakah at a higher level? Even Gedolim (see quote below) tell us that this sector is in imminent danger. But why do we only receive solicitations for temporary help rather than permanent solutions?

[Note: Bad budgeting practices are not the property of kollel couples alone. I know people making six figures who need to make permanent changes too].

Today, Greg of Presence, posted an article from the Baltimore Sun.: "Subsidy cuts send students from Yeshivas to Outside Jobs." The article nicely profiles the journey of one particular 50 year old Kollel Student and father of 5 into the working world. While still maintaining his high standards of observance and remain in learning, he has found work in a unique field and is able to support his family modestly and in dignity.

One organization responsible for funding these training programs, in addition to the Israeli Government and some private corporations, is the Joint Distribution Committee. For the most part, I ignore the many non-Orthodox solicitations that hit my mailbox.

But maybe I should be taking a closer look at Organizations like the JDC and ignoring solicitations like the latest one sitting on my desk which reads more like a a personal attack: "Heed the Call of the Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah, . . . . .the pain and suffering of the citadels of Torah. The holy yeshivos and the Torah community in Eretz Yiroel. . . due to incredible cuts in the budget, have been put into imminent danger of collapse. . . and the food and sustenance necessary has not been forthcoming."

I want to sustain Torah in Eretz Yisrael, even where I align myself with a different segment of the Orthodox population. I don't want to see a community collapse. And that is why I want to give the few tzedakah dollars that leave my own community to organizations seeking to build a healthy financial future, not try to temporarily save a community from the "imminent danger of collapse."

Your thoughts?

Hareidi Buying Block

Hat Tip: Ari Kingsberg and Bob Miller

Like I have said in the past, I shy away from discussing Israeli Orthonomics, or Hareidinomics as the case might be, because I am wholly unfamiliar with the people and structure of the communities therein. But that doesn't mean that articles about such do not interest me. They most certainly do, especially as the Orthonomics of Israel and America intertwine.

Per this JPost article, Chareidi Yeshiva schools and Bais Yaakov schools are teaming up to form a consumer buying bloc, eliminate the middle man, and force down prices by up to 30%. This initiative is not a religious one, but a purely practical one.

The idea of a buying bloc would seem to be a very good idea, but I have to wonder if the idea will translate into a succesful model. Initiazling the idea will require a tremndous investment of man-power, business acumen, patience, and (yes) money (!). Seeing the return on investment, if they plan ever gets off the ground cannot and will not happen overnight and that could detract from the great amounts of an investment of time and money that will be required.

I will be watching and I think the entire US community should be watching too as forming buying blocs for American Day Schools and Yeshivot is an idea that has been floated and could be piloted.

But in the meantime, I have a few thoughts that I'd like to discuss. The first of which is the mission statement. It seems that the initiator of the plan has a lofty goal, but perhaps it is far too broad. It seems that the goal is not only to benefit the hareidi educational system, but is to benefit the average hareidi household (see mention of sodas and diapers). To keep the initial momentum going, I believe one must be able to demonstrate that the objectives are being achieved or tangible progress is being made to achieve those objectives.

Secondly, I have to wonder if any marketing research has been performed. While the community is sizable, is the buying power as sizeable? El Al was sited as an example of a success. But plane tickets and diapers or soft drinks are far different products (btw-would it really be a good idea to make liquid sugar an even less expensive item?). Judging from the increasing number of solicitations that I receive, the severity of the solicitations, the perceived desperation, etc, I have to wonder if the buying bloc is as significant as the leaders would believe.

Lastly, what really caught my eye was this paragraph about Israeli demographics:

"Every fourth baby born in Israel is haredi and so is 52% of the Jewish population under 18 year old."

I'm scratching my head trying to figure out exactly how large the hareidi population is relative to the entire population (See: Cross-Currents for more scratching) or even if these statistics are even accurate. But one can't help but wonder such demographics mean for the Israeli hareidi community as a whole and the American Orthodox community.

Your thoughts please.