A Little Bit of Help for Tuition Payers:
Coverdell Education Savings Accounts

There are not many good solutions for parents facing massive tuition bills for a Jewish Day School Education, but there is a little talked about method of saving for tuition that can provide a small amount of relief. This plan is called the Coverdell Education Savings Account, formerly known as an Education IRA.

The Coverdell Account has been basically replaced by far more beneficial and far more well known 529 College Savings Plan. In fact, when my husband and I went to establish Coverdell Accounts for all our children, the financial planner told us he has not opened one of these accounts in many years, and was naturally curious why we were requesting opening this type of account.

While the 529 Plan can only be used for higher education expenses (tuition and fees as well as required books, supplies, and equipment), the Coverdell Savings Account can be used for qualified expenses at private elementary and secondary schools as well as for qualified expenses at institutions of higher education. Both the Coverdell Plan and the 529 Plan allow account holders to enjoy tax exempt earnings, so long as those earnings are to pay for qualified educational expenses.

A named minor can receive up to a total of $2000 a year in contributions from one or more custodians until said minor turns 18. Any individual, related or unrelated, can contribute to this total so long as their Modified Adjusted Gross Income falls below the income limits: $110,000 if single and $220,000 if married filing jointly. Organizations, such as trusts or corporations, may also contribute and are not limited by income.

While $2000 plus earnings isn't a ton of money, the tax free earnings should make a small dent in massive future tuition bills. And while one might wish for a greater contribution limit, $2000 per student is an attainable goal and possibly even a sustainable goal. Given that one must earn approximately $2 for every $1 they intend to spend, the benefit could be more substantial that it appears.

I believe that the frum parent (grandparent, aunt and uncle, or any other qualified person looking to contribute to some one's yeshiva education) would be wise to consider investing in a Coverdell Account for each designated child as the advantages far outweigh any disadvantages.

The major disadvantage is that the assets in the account(s) are considered to be the beneficiary's (i.e. the frum student) for purposes of College Financial Aid. Given the limited amounts that maybe invested in any given year into a Coverdell Account (see below), I can almost guarantee you that the money will be long gone by the time little Chana or Moshe even gets to the point of filling out a FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid). If, for some reason, the funds have not been used up, the beneficiary can be changed at any time to another person in the beneficiary's family, which should effectively remove them from the student's assets for purposes of financial aid.

The other potential disadvantage is that funds still in the account(s) when the beneficiary reaches 30 years old become his/her property and are subject to taxes and a penalty. But this disadvantage can easily be avoided by rolling the funds over into the name of another family member under 30. With G-d's help, the current beneficiary will be worrying about how to pay for their own children's education and perceived disadvantage (should one be lucky enough to encounter such) will be turned into an advantage.

If you forsee a Yeshiva bill in your future, give this savings plan some consideration.

More information is available via IRS Publication 970: Tax Benefits for Education. The regulations are a bit more complicated that my presentation, but I believe that I have covered the most important points for the reader.

Guardianship Dilemmas

Brooklyn Wolf has posted a list of things every Jewish family should have, both spiritual and practical. On the subject of wills he writes, "make sure that you OK your choice of guardian with the people in question. It's *very* bad manners to just dump your kids on someone without asking."

We are in the process of working up a will that is appropriate for the here and now and we have a dilemma in regards to assigning a guardian (chas v'shalom we should ever need it). The short of the long of it is that we are playing with the idea of doing just that, i.e. writing the guardians right into our will and just forgetting to mention it. Now we agree this is quite rude, and it is probably a far cry from being ethical, but we aren't sure we have any good choices.

Unfortunately, neither of us are from large families and our choices are limited. (Writing a non-family member into the will as a guardian is not a choice we will consider at least at this point in time). Our parents have basically passed the point of being capable guardians. And when it comes to the minuscule pool of siblings, there is only one appropriate choice. There is only one sibling (plus spouse) who can and will raise our children in the path that we desire. Nothing can or will ever be an exact fit, but should the worst happen, we know that our children will receive an appropriate spiritual upbringing.

Recently, the father of the desired guardians overheard us speaking about our will and he stated that potential guardians are far too busy with their own children and jobs and that we should not ask them. He is certain that they will say no. We really don't have any other good options, and if they say no we are essentially up a creek.

What to do is obviously a question of great proportions and any decisions that we make will be in consultation with appropriate Rabbinic and legal advice. The courts give weight to the will of the parents, but it is not the final word in matters of guardianship either. Obviously we hope to never use a will except after 120. But we are unaware of Hashem's plans must do our hishtadlut in regards to our children.

Given this situation, what would you do. . . . . . write the guardians of choice into the will without telling them, knowing that it is human nature to step up to the plate in the face of tragedy ch"v, or do you ask their permission knowing that all other choices just are not good choices in the spiritual sense?

Make the Parents (Of the Smokers) Fund It!

I caught this story on Yeshiva World News about a program in the works to help bochurim quit smoking. The article states "Anecdotal evidence suggests that in certain well-known yeshivot, a majority, or close to a majority, of young men use cigarettes." I believe it. I've seen it, I've smelled it, and I've breathed it. And not too long ago I got so fed up I pulled a local administrator aside and told him the (often pregnant) mothers in the neighborhood were tired of having their children subjected to the images of smoking bochurim, to say nothing of the pollutants.

I've already written about smoking on this blog and the importance of preventative programs and making it socially unacceptable. I support preventative education and believe that these should be mainstays of a well-rounded health and physical education program.

It appears that some very well known figures in the community, Rabbis and physicians, are working on some sort of smoking cessation program, for which I applaud them. They state "it would be premature to offer too many details while funding is sought from various sources," and they hope to role out the program "in several [New York] yeshivot in time for the Elul zman (semester), with its intense focus on Teshuvah and personal improvement.

I wish them much success with an endeavor that is quite literally life or death. However, I say let the parents (of the smokers) pay for it!

This might be highly controversial (your comments will be the anecdotal evidence), but I see no reason to seek funds from anyone besides the parents of the smokers. Either directly or indirectly, these parents provided the funds for their children to get started and built their cigarette smoking habit.

The medications and therapies needed to help them quit might not be cheap, but they are a bargain in comparison to allowing a child continue smoking, a disgusting habit that can cost several thousands of dollars a year (cigarettes + increased price of private health insurance + increase price of life insurance). Getting your own child to quit smoking is an investment in their physical future and their financial future. (I imagine the argument for having the community fund the program is that it will free up tuition dollars that are currently be inhaled).

If I were in charge of a yeshiva implementing this program, I'd just add the smoking cessation fee right onto the bill alongside the activity fee and the book fee. The parents whose kids smoke pay and the parents whose kids don't smoke get a little "discount." But that is just me.

Fire away, but don't light up!

Who (Should) Run the Schools?


The Jewish Education Blog "SchmoozED" has the following post by Rabbi Zvi Grumet:

One of the perennial questions I struggle with is who should be running the show in Jewish day schools. On the one hand, schools are started by and designed to serve the community. As such, the community should determine what is appropriate for it - policies, educational agenda, pedagogical approach, etc. On the other hand, community people and lay leaders are neither religious authorities nor are they educational professionals (I assume the principals and heads of school are educational professionals). Then again, are the parents the ultimate consumers, since they pay the bills, or is it our students?

Another way of viewing this is the question of the nature of schools. Are schools communal organs, part of the religious establishment, or professional environments in which the professionals direct the show?

In the ideal there would be convergence between the groups - communities would hire leaders and educators who are completely in sync with the community. But we don't live in an ideal world.

I'm interested in hearing your thoughts? I too wish we lived in an ideal world where convergence happened naturally. But, we don't.

Please discuss. And hopefully I will be back with another set of posts soon.

NYS Mandatory Fingerprinting Bill

The following is a message from Elliot Pasik. If you live in NY State, please take appropriate action.

Dear Friends,

Last year, the NYS Legislature passed a law allowing the yeshivas and all nonpublic schools to fingerprint their employees, and conduct national FBI criminal history background checks. The law becomes effective July 1, 2007, and enables our schools to avoid hiring convicted sex offenders, and other dangerous criminals who should not be working near children.

The law received a good reception in our community, and this year, State Senator Dean Skelos, the Deputy Majority Leader, has sponsored and introduced a bill that will make the fingerprinting and background checks MANDATORY, just as it is for all public schools. Mandatory fingerprinting has twice been endorsed by the Rabbinical Council of America, in formal Resolutions enacted in May 2005, and May 2007 (they can be read on the RCA web site, rabbis.org; click onto Policies and Positions).

The bill was introduced in the State Senate on April 20, 2007, and was ordered printed on Thursday, June 14, 2007. That is usually the last step before a bill is voted upon. The Legislature session ends Thursday, June 21, 2007.

You can make a difference. PLEASE email the following State Senators and Assembly members, and express your support for the MANDATORY NONPUBLIC SCHOOL EMPLOYEE FINGERPRINT BILL - S. 04707A.

Senator Skelos: skelos@senate.state.ny.us;Senator Saland (Chair, Educ. Comm.): saland@senate.state.ny.us;

Assembly Speaker Silver: speaker@assembly.state.ny.us;Assembly Member Nolan (Chair,Educ.Comm.): nolanc@assembly.state.ny.us;Assembly Member Weisenberg: weisenh@assembly.state.ny.us.

You can also be a big help by immediately spreading the word about this bill, such as by sending similar emails through other Yahoo groups in our community.

Tizku l'mitzvos, and feel free to contact me by email with any questions.

Elliot Pasik,
Esq.NYS Yeshiva Parents Association
Long Beach, New York
efpasik@aol.com

Fur Roadblocks

Hat Tip: Ari Kingsberg for pointing me to the Wolf's Post who gave credit to DAG who pointed readers to the Machberes section of the Jewish Press

Plenty of blog ink has been spilled about ridiculous engagement and wedding gift expectations, but I just can't pass up leaving another note on the subject. This time the note is from the Chassidish world. The Jewish Press reports about a meeting in Williamsburg, Brooklyn dedicated to getting the cost of marriage under control. It reports (emphasis mine):

On Monday, June 4 a large assembly took place, of Williamsburg Satmar yeshiva students, all of marriageable age. The focus of the meeting was the ongoing effort to stem the accelerating costs of marrying off children, particularly the cost of a shtreimel. Traditionally, the father of the kallah purchases two shtreimels for his future son-in-law. One, more expensive, is an elegant shtreimel meant to be worn under the chuppah, as well as for special occasions. The second, somewhat cheaper, is called a raigen shtreimel meant to be worn in inclement weather, thus preserving the other more costly shtreimel. The price of a first class, top-shelf shtreimel has exceeded $4,000.00.

The students at the meeting, future chassanim agreed to become part of Ateres Chassanim, and will not accept any shtreimel costing more than $1,200. The less expensive shtreimel is made from less rare furs, a distinction that only an experienced furrier could determine. This is a giant step in the battle to tide wedding expenditures.

Chevra Kol Chassanim, was recently established for students at the Kiryas Yoel Yeshiva for the specific purpose of “eliminating the pressure and high costs” of marrying off children, with its first target, the traditional chassan shtreimel. They, too, agreed to cap acceptance of shtreimels
to the $1,200 level. Both Ateres Chassanim and Chevra Kol Chassanim are admirable initiatives in the battle to limit unnecessary expenditures in the marrying off of children in chassidishe communities, very much in line with the “Simcha Guidelines” effort in yeshivish circles. Chassidishe communities, and Satmar in particular, are more cohesive, and the prognosis for successfully reducing luxury spending is promising.

Now I won't make any economics predictions about whether a group of bochurim will be successful in bringing down the price of a streimel, nor will I dare suggest that Satmar do away with the minhag of wearing a streimel. What I will say is: who put the bochurim in charge?

I respect the bochurim for taking steps to help bring down the cost of getting married. But, the idea that a future chatan thinks he can dictate the terms is just downright scary! It hardly seems tzniut, nor does it seem to jive with the concept of kibud av v'em.

Here in my world, when someone gives you a gift, the correct response is "thank you very much," not I've picked out the [item of choice] and you can go pay for it at your convenience.

But, of course, the social expectations of the Orthodox world have made it so that gifts aren't really gifts. In both the Chassidish and non-Chassidish (even Modern Orthodox) world, providing gifts is an exercise in meeting social expectations. While we all have expectations (e.g., a diamond engagement ring is standard), there is a point where one should just say dayanu!

Ariella blogged about her son's 7th grade class being taught what they will receive when they get married. (For those out of the loop, a chatan can expect an expensive watch among an entire laundry list of other gifts).

While parents throughout history have provided their children with gifts upon marriage, creating inflated social expectations (applied nearly equally across the board) is highly insensitive. But socializing our children to expect these gifts is cruel. Should they not receive, they will believe they are missing something. Should they receive, they won't be able to fully appreciate the gift. On top of that, many young couples don’t even have a reference point to appreciate what they are receiving.

Call me a Homemaker, Please

Don't worry, I'll be back with more Orthonomic posts. . . . . but in the meantime, try this on for size. :)

I don't know when the term "Stay at Home Mom" (SAHM) replaced the term "homemaker," but I really dislike (read: can't stand) the former term, even though I often find myself using the term to tell people what I do . . . . And that is precisely why I hate the term, because it does absolutely nothing to describe what I do.

A teacher teaches, an accountant accounts for the accounts, an administrator administrates, a therapist provides therapy, a driver drives, a cleaning lady cleans, and a stay at home mom stays home, correct?

Unless you want to find another term to describe all of my duties (caregiver/babysitter, preschool teacher, camp director, chief dean of discipline, counselor, driver, librarian, project manager, cleaning lady, chef, baker, hairdresser, buyer, inventory supervisor, organizer, handy woman, bookkeeper, tax preparer, tax planner, investment advisor, financial planner, and budget analyst, etc), than feel free to call me a homemaker.

But my function is not to "stay at home," my function is to make this house into a home. So, I'd much prefer the chashuve title homemaker rather than the new and ever so popular title SAHM. The title homemaker makes me feel professional, and I try to treat my duties here with the care of any CEO. Being called a SAHM makes me feel lazy. And that I am not.

Excuse me now while I return to eating my bon-bons (errrrrrr, scrubbing my counter tops and managing the cookie and challah baking. . . . . not in that order of course).

To the SAHMs out there, what do you prefer to be called?

JO Review: Guidelines for Tuition

It may take me a very long time to finish my review of the Jewish Observer's Tuition Dilemma issue, but I'm trying. Below are links to my first two reviews. There will be more to follow, I hope.

JO Review: Tuition, A Dilemma?
JO Review: Of Facts and Figures

The second article in the "Tuition Dilemma" feature was titled "Guidelines for Tuition." It is basically a question and answer session with HaRav Yaakov Kamenetzky zt"l regarding guidelines for tuition policies for Yeshiva Bais Dovid in Monsey. These guidelines were not presented as halacha le'ma'aseh, as every Yeshiva and community is different, but as an expression of "da'as Torah."

I found the following exchanges interesting [My (highly disorganized) notes are in orange]:

1. Regarding Setting the Tuition Schedule: [As part of a larger exchange] Rav Yaakov Kamenetzky zt"l states "What is the fair share? You must take the entire budget and divide it by the number talmidim, to arrive at "cost per child." If the parent can afford to pay the entire "cost," he must do so, out of his own pre-tzedaaka funds. If he cannot afford to pay the entire "cost," then he should pay some of his tuition out of pre-tzedaka funds, and he may pay the balance out of his tzeddaka funds. The directors must decide how much he must pay. The parent should ask his own rav to determine what portion may come from his tzeddaka funds."

This approach to setting tuition is so logical that one assume that this is exactly how every school would set tuition, yet I don't believe I know a single school that sets tuition using this formula (perhaps the school that receive the guideline from R' Kamenetzky ?). Any school offering automatic tuition reductions, sibling discounts, etc is not using this formula. A friend of ours told us that his son's school is in a bind because it has relied on a particular donor for many years, and this donor has "subsidized" (for lack of a better word. . . .regular readers know I am in favor of community wide support for schools) the tuition of all, regardless of whether or not the parents should have been contributing/paying more to their children's schools.

Of course, there are also solid reasons why tuition would be set in a different fashion and I believe the majority of schools do not set tuition using such a straightforward method. Some schools don't want to charge "full price" because they already see that a large number of students (even the majority) receive reductions as it is and they don't want to have to force more parents in front of the scholarship committee, which is bound to create bitter feelings. In other schools, parents might leave the school, forcing those who stay to carry an even heavier burden.

I am unsure of what the best approach is in terms of setting tuition. In an ideal world, funding Jewish education would be a first priority. But, it seems that Jewish Education for elementary, middle, and high school students gets the short stick. I do think that no matter how tuition is set, a "price per student" should be disclosed.

2. Sons vs. Daughters: "While there is an obligation on every father to educate his daughters, it is not correct to split tuition money evenly amongst boys and girls, for the father has a great obligation for his sons, and he should therefore allocate a larger portion of his tuition funds for them."

I have to wonder how this works in practice! Does the Bais Yaakov down the block willing take less tuition for siblings because they are educating girls, or does the committee ask for their "fair share" too? In co-ed schools and in "associated" boys and girls schools (separate campuses, but shared faculty and overhead), I don't think such is particularly relevant as parents are really paying per family, boys and girls together.

As for me, I just can't see putting this into play as a parent. Should we need tuition reductions and our children are in completely separate schools, as opposed to "associated" schools, I just can't see myself bargaining for a bigger reduction from a girls school than a boys schools. I can't argue on the priority of putting a son's Torah education above a daughter's, but when it comes to K-12 education I don't make a distinction between my sons and daughters. I figure they are each just picking up basic literacy.

3. Documentation for Tuition Reductions: The question asked is as follows: Is there as "percentage of income" rule that can be applied to tuition? We have heard that other yeshivos apply a 10-15% of Gross Income Rule, in order to determine the amount of tuition. Is there any basis for this in din or otherwise? Rav Kamenetzky zt"l: "The 10-15% of Income Rule does not work at all, since people resent submitting their income tax returns to a tuition committee, and we should not make an effort in that direction. It is not productive. Rather, the committee should take note of the year-round-life style of the parent, and then negotiate with him."

First off, I had to laugh about a 10-15% of gross income rule. All in all, 10-15% of our gross income is a large chunk of money. . . . . . . the sad thing is that this amount will not cover tuition for ONE high school student, although it will cover one tuition for elementary. . . and my husband does pretty well, baruch Hashem. I know families paying well over 50% (and higher) of their gross incomes to educate their children.

I don't know about the standard operating procedure for tuition reductions "in town" (The 5 Boros and Monsey), but here in my "out of town" community, submitting tax returns is standard. The scholarship form also includes detailed information about income (including food stamps/WIC/Section 8), savings, and expenses and even asks how much money your children earn from their own jobs like babysitting a year (!). Besides the cost of a family's last simcha and the wife's last sheitel purchase, I don't see any stone left unturned.

Maybe there was a time where parents would not submit tax returns and it was too much to ask (my parents are of this school of thought and never had us apply for financial aid for college). Do you feel a tax return is overly invasive? I think it is invasive, but I find the scholarship form and all of its disclosures far more uncomfortable.

In addition, I really can't imagine how a scholarship committee can evaluate the year-round-lifestyle of a family and maximize tuition dollars *collected* without being invasive. There are extremely modest people out there with plenty in the bank and people living the lavish life that just won't be able to pony up the cash for tuition because they are maxed out. (A side note: the tax return isn't a magic pill either. With a complicated return, self-employment, etc, it can be near impossible to figure out what a person actually brings in).

Your thoughts?

I'm looking forward to hearing all of your comments. I did enjoy this part of the JO Tuition Dilemma piece and I'm glad they included it. It gave me a lot to think about and I'm looking forward to your comments.

Carving Out Quality Time

Rabbi Horowitz's question for next week is posted on his website. The question comes from a set of parents of four children, ages 2 to 9, who recognize the importance of spending time with their children, but can't seem to find any. The parents states: "Balancing our career, family and social obligations – as well as doing homework, carpooling, arranging play dates, attending parent-teacher conferences – is a bit overwhelming at times." They then ask, "Do you have any practical tips for spending quality time with your children when there does not seem to be much in the way of quantity?. "

I think that this is a question that so many American parents are asking. However, the challenge seems to be particularly acute for Orthodox parents as family sizes are far larger, school days are far longer, and Shabbat and Chagim require a tremendous amounts of preparation.

It probably isn't fair of me to offer much of a critique since I have yet to walk in the shoes of dual income families. But I think the subject is important enough to offer a few ideas.

I personally don't believe that "quality time" can be created artificially. I believe that quality stems from quantity and it just happens. In other words, time is like energy, it has "potential," but that potential might not ever be used. So my own ideas of how to create quality time would revolve around creating "quantity time."

Here are some of my ideas:

1. Free Up Our Own Time.

It would be very easy to say to parents, have one parent leave the workplace and become a full time homemaker, people don't take well to suggestions that they are not open to or that won't work for them for whatever reason. Also, there are some parents that do replace work with other commitments, so that in and of itself isn't much of a suggestion. So, while I won't suggest making any major changes in employment (although it is tempting, especially in some cases such as when parents spend much of their time on travel), I will suggest looking at how we spend the rest of our time. That said, I think there are many parents out there who need to reconsider their "social obligations" or other communal commitments and extracurriculars.

A while back, I went to a parenting talk at a local shul that featured a panel or speakers (a principal, a Rav, and a psychologist). All in all it was a worthwhile way to spend an evening. But, I wasn't so impressed by one of the panelists. Why? He accepted the social commitments of parents as a given! As an example to emulate, he told the audience about a very busy Rabbi and parent with whom he carpooled to an event. He was impressed that the Rabbi used 10 minutes (!) of his time to learn with a child over the phone. I was left saying, that is nice, but impressive it is not. The principal went on to tell us how we can use our "downtime" in the car going to and from our obligations as time we can use to bond with our children through learning.

To me, this suggestion was akin to suggesting replacing story time with a book on tape. Supplementing is one thing. But, one cannot replace human contact and it scares me that there are educators out there that take the easy way out and suggest we replace real time with our children with virtual time, via our cell phones. The other thing that really scared me was that the example brought to emulate was about "learning" with our children. Learning with our children is certainly important. But so is just talking with them.

Another area to be wary of as parents biting off too much. Some people like to talk about just how "amazing" the "superwoman" with 6 or 8 kids who works full time or nearly full time, is involved with numerous school and shul committees, bakes her own challah, and hosts guests every week. In life, something has to go. And, I have seen cases where the children or the marriage is what goes.

2. Limit interruptions

Speaking of cell phones, how about not answering every call (or even more radical, leave it home). Let's start talking to our kids and once we are talking, not letting the conversation be constantly interrupted.

When I was a new parent, I was in the grocery store chatting away with my then one year old and a Bubbe from the neighborhood approached me to tell me how wonderful it was to see a parent talking with their child and that parents today just don't do this. I'm not sure I ever noticed, but after this talk with a local Bubbe I realized that most parents go about their errands without a whole lot of interaction with their children. This is a missed opportunity and it is a real shame.

But worse yet, so many parents allow their cell phones to invade potential "quality time." So many parents spend the time with their children present only in body, as their cell phone is glued to the ear (sometimes quite literally). You'd think we were all high-level business executives or on-call doctors judging by our use of cell phones. No matter where you turn, there is a parent with a child who is on the phone: the park, the grocery, the car, the carpool lane. Some parents are so busy that they forget to say hello to their kids who are so busy talking on their phone that they forgot to say hello to their children before herding them into the car. Of course, I'd like to believe that each one of these parents is dealing with an emergency, but I know this isn't true.

3. Be Wary of Overscheduling Children:

I think it is fantastic to involve kids in activities that they really want to do. I had my activities growing up and I'm sure you did to. But, it seems that the modern parent has convinced themselves that their child needs to have every minute of their day occupied. I think that downtime and free time are vital to developing interests and it is better to hold off on putting kids into extracurriculars until they express an interest in getting involved. And even then, I think parents should make sure the amount that a child is biting off is reasonable.

Please add your ideas for carving out time here and put your comments on Rabbi Horowitz's website too. (Or, let the flaming begin).

Bullying and Cheating: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Rabbi Chaim B. posts about the rampant cheating in his son's school and he is none too thrilled. Fortunately his son is disgusted by the cheating which is an indication of good chinuch. The is an area where a person must be guided by a strong moral compass, since those who lie, steal, and cheat often get ahead in this world.

R. Brown asks: " So who is to blame here - the students doing the cheating, or the administration and staff that seems either oblivious to what is going on or powerless to stop it?"

I don't have the answer, but I would say that it is a little of each. I've seen cheating in my own public schools, in a frum school I taught in, and in the working world. Each experience was different, but the commonality was that of bullying.

At one time (4th grade to be exact), I was the cheater. A notoriously bad speller and a nervous test taker, I decided that I would place a list of the vocabulary words for the Friday spelling and vocabulary test inside my desk where I would be able to see it if I leaned back just slightly. About 2 or 3 weeks into discovering this technique, I was caught red handed by the teacher. She took away my cheat sheet, pulled me aside, and told me that if she ever saw me doing this again she would speak with my parents. It was purely a kindness on her part not to go directly to my parents and she pretty much solved my cheating problem, although I can't claim to be a tzadekes.

Unfortunately, many years later I became a victim of cheating. There was one girl in my high school who would take your homework right out of your binder if someone went to the bathroom or left their desk. That was frustrating and someone who squealed about copying day to day homework was sure to be burnt by the whole class since this type of cheating was all too common. So I never talked.

Another time, this same classmate turned around in her desk and copied my final exam and I was livid. I kept looking towards the teacher's desk hoping he would notice, but this teacher was not like the others and he did not closely watch the class, even during the final exam. Every other teacher in high school was vigilant and would walk up and down the isles during class trying to ensure that the honor code was upheld (actually, I don't believe we had an actual honor code, but it was understood that cheating was wrong and if caught you would score a zero and talking was presumed to be cheating and I do remember a few exams hitting the trash can cerimoniously).

Come graduation when this classmate was honored as one of the Valedictorians and I was just shut out of being Salutatorian, I was kicking myself. She was not the type of person who was a strong armed bully, but she made you feel powerless even in a school environment where such behavior was not tolerated.

My experience with exams, teachers, and students in a frum school was completely different. The cheating (or potential for such) was not hidden. The entire exam process was very casual and talking was tolerated. In one instance, I pointed out a group of girls chatting away with each other during the exam to their teacher. He defended them and told me not to worry, the girl that was being "helped" had fallen behind in class and those she was talking to were not going to be able to provide her with the correct answers anyways! (I guess one could say that everyone at that table was a victim of cheating, even the cheater). Well, I guess if you are going to be so non-chalaunt about behavior during an exam, you are asking for the students to cheat.

In public school, I would say that when it comes to cheating the students primarly bully each other. In private schools, I'm not sure who is bullying who: Could the various scenarios be sung to the melody of Chag Gadya?

Do the students feel intimidated by the other students?
Or, conversely, do the students intimidate the teachers? Who are intimidated by the administrators? Who are intimidated by the parents (especially the parents who give generously to the school)? Who are intimidated by the neighbors?

Well, I don't have any good solutions to offer regarding cheating in public schools or in private schools. But I would theorize that the problem is harder to fight in private school because loosing certain students often times means loosing lots and lots of money and that is. . . . .well, scary.

Your thoughts?