Guest Post: Dealing with Debt - introduction
My friend Esther wrote the following on her blog in response to my post Unwilling or Unable? She believes we are missing the point of the letter to the editor which is simply a cry for help as so many people are in over their heads. I want to feature my friends post below. Comments I will have will be added in the comments section at another time. Goodnight for now.
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SephardiLady (author of the Orthonomics blog) is a dear friend of mine. Her blog is dedicated to addressing financial issues in the Orthodox community. She recently has been following the responses to this Yated article, in which a rabbi expressed some sympathy toward a community member who confided his struggles with debt, then proceeded to blame it on trying to live a fancy lifestyle. The letters that followed (those which she has posted with her comments) have been bringing up the reality that some people are struggling financially and not living an expensive lifestyle.
This is obviously a meaningful topic for me, and even more so after I read today's post. SephardiLady and the commentators offers an extensive list of cost-saving techniques for grocery shopping. Now, there's nothing wrong with saving a few dollars. (Unless you end up using more gas to get the savings...) And SL truly lives what she suggests - she is an expert at what she calls the "art" of coupon clipping and finding bargains. Again, this is not a bad thing. But I came away from the post feeling like the point had been lost, and that maybe there is really a lack of understanding of how serious the debt situation is for so many families.
So we have three groups with financial problems:
1. People who make enough to live normally or even well-off, but waste their money on showing off, having fancy clothes, gigantic parties, etc. This is the group that the original article was addressing. This is basically an attitude problem, and antithetical to truly being a religious person. (In any religion, I think.)
2. People who make just enough, and can end up with a better standard of living and more savings for the future by clipping coupons, bargain shopping, etc.
3. What seems to be hard for everyone to understand is that there's a third group of people for whom even saving $1000 a year on grocery costs would make no difference to the depth of their problem. This is the group pleading with the rabbis and the community to figure out how they can do all the things that they have been told are necessary to living a religious life and still have food on the table and shoes for their kids.
The overall focus of financial advice is to look at your monthly expenses and see what you can cut. And the suggestions are usually things like switching to a cheaper car insurance, using coupons, or maybe an extreme like giving up your cell phone.
Now imagine the following (real) situations:
- No health insurance (My husband and I went without for over a year, and my kids still don't have. And I have a friend who went years without.) By the way, no health insurance means forgoing health care too.
- The same friend cut his gas bill - by letting his gas be shut off. So he has no stove to cook on.
- Wearing the same four outfits repeatedly to work because that's what I have. This is something that has kept a number of people from going to shul - they simply don't have even one decent outfit that they won't feel humiliated in. I'm not talking fancy, I'm talking about something that isn't torn.
- Paying only the bills that are threatening to shut off this month. Calling the company and asking what is the absolute minimum to prevent shut off. then not paying again until the next threat.
I truly hope that most people can't imagine getting to this point. I truly hope most people can solve their problems by shopping sales and similar measures.
But for a growing number of people, the financial issues can't be solved with these measures. What I'd like to discuss in the next few posts is another version of looking at your expenses.
I want to look at those areas (mainly in Orthodox life) which are so accepted as "required" expenses that no one wants to consider whether they can be cut or eliminated. Yet these are the high-cost areas that would actually start resolving people's problems.I came up with five categories to start the discussion: food, Shabbat/Yom Tov, clothing/headcovering (both men and women), simchas, and private school (AKA "the tuition crisis").
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
"I Don't Know How to Live Poor"
(For those that aren't regular readers, click here, to see the original Editorial that spurned the Letters to the Editor that I am reproducing for discussion here).
Honestly, I find this next Yated Readers' Write Letter a bit frustrating. Don't get me wrong, I feel absolutely terrible for people suffering from the heavy burden of debt. But, the tone of this letter brings out a different emotion in me, one I would prefer not to have (Perhaps it was her complaints about the clothing donated to gemachs). My comments are in orange. Sorry if they come off unusually rough this time. I do wish to have a softer touch.
LIVING FRUGALLY
Dear Editor,
Thank you for your wonderful Torahdike newspaper.
I am writing in response to Rabbi Avrohom Birnbaum’s article on credit cards. Perhaps I can share another perspective on the topic.
I am a mother of a large family, boruch Hashem, and my husband is a rebbi. Our family income is under $50,000 dollars [Single income? Joint income?]. When the children were younger, we were, to some extent, able to keep up with our bills. Then they grew older. They no longer could wear only hand-me-down clothing, because it’s embarrassing to be wearing a double breasted jacket when everyone else is wearing a three-button suit. The girls need something that fits properly, and something that wasn’t donated to the gemach when someone cleaned out her closet from five-or ten-year-old garments [One should understand that many people have survived to adulthood despite wearing unstylish clothing and suffering the embarrassment that comes with it. I understand the embarrassment the children feel when they are out of style (I was a mostly out of style kid once). And surely 5 to 10 year old tzniut clothing is not unacceptable. Most of my clothing is in this age range and I would hope someone in need would be happy to wear some of it. I find the snub to those donating to gemachs in hopes of helping a gratuitous insult]. It costs money to feed the kids. The schools charge for all kinds of trips and siyumim [The extra, unplanned expenses are an outrage in my opinion. Unfortunately, the parents who are being hurt the most by these expenses need to speak up]. . Gas has gone up. Utility bills have increased fifty percent. There are kids who need extra help to stay afloat academically. And, of course, there is the ever increasing minimum tuition. As a matter of fact, although our take-home pay covers most of our expenses, it does not cover our modest mortgage or tuition. I’ll admit this: I don’t know how to live poor. [I appreciate honesty! But it seems to me that when one is blessed with a large family-bli ayin hara-on a small income, that one must choose to live without certain things. Perhaps some of the things mentioned in this article? Although I realize that even those cutbacks won't solve everything on a $50,000 income for x people.] I don’t know how to make Shabbos without chicken and without meat for the chulent [I realize this letter isn't about starting a forum on more frugal homemaking. But, should a person be interested, you can make wonderful vegetable and legume soups in a crockpot. And even the Kosher by Design series has a vegetarian cholent recipe in it]. I don’t know how to tell a child, “I’m sorry, but you have to wear an out-dated suit because we have no money for the $55.00 suit at Sym’s." I don’t function well in a house that is unbearably hot during the summer. I can’t bring myself to call up someone and ask for a ride because the gas is too expensive.
Life would be so simple if all you had to do was live simply in order to make ends meet. Granted, Rabbi Birnbaum was addressing a certain segment of the population when he made a case for not relying on credit cards [I see no indication he wasn't addressing all of us at some level. Certainly the "bite" of interest that eats one alive is experienced across the board]. However, there are many hardworking people like my family who simply don’t have enough for the basics [Agreed].
I just want to end off as follows. Boruch Hashem, my husband and I are very happy with our lives. Everyone has challenges in life. We realize that in many areas of life we are blessed. My children all know to be careful with money, but they don’t feel deprived [I would be curious how the parents have conveyed this message]. We have a rich life - in Yiddishkeit, in family, and in simcha. And those are things we could never buy - even with credit cards [agreed].
Sincerely,
Treading Water
(For those that aren't regular readers, click here, to see the original Editorial that spurned the Letters to the Editor that I am reproducing for discussion here).
Honestly, I find this next Yated Readers' Write Letter a bit frustrating. Don't get me wrong, I feel absolutely terrible for people suffering from the heavy burden of debt. But, the tone of this letter brings out a different emotion in me, one I would prefer not to have (Perhaps it was her complaints about the clothing donated to gemachs). My comments are in orange. Sorry if they come off unusually rough this time. I do wish to have a softer touch.
LIVING FRUGALLY
Dear Editor,
Thank you for your wonderful Torahdike newspaper.
I am writing in response to Rabbi Avrohom Birnbaum’s article on credit cards. Perhaps I can share another perspective on the topic.
I am a mother of a large family, boruch Hashem, and my husband is a rebbi. Our family income is under $50,000 dollars [Single income? Joint income?]. When the children were younger, we were, to some extent, able to keep up with our bills. Then they grew older. They no longer could wear only hand-me-down clothing, because it’s embarrassing to be wearing a double breasted jacket when everyone else is wearing a three-button suit. The girls need something that fits properly, and something that wasn’t donated to the gemach when someone cleaned out her closet from five-or ten-year-old garments [One should understand that many people have survived to adulthood despite wearing unstylish clothing and suffering the embarrassment that comes with it. I understand the embarrassment the children feel when they are out of style (I was a mostly out of style kid once). And surely 5 to 10 year old tzniut clothing is not unacceptable. Most of my clothing is in this age range and I would hope someone in need would be happy to wear some of it. I find the snub to those donating to gemachs in hopes of helping a gratuitous insult]. It costs money to feed the kids. The schools charge for all kinds of trips and siyumim [The extra, unplanned expenses are an outrage in my opinion. Unfortunately, the parents who are being hurt the most by these expenses need to speak up]. . Gas has gone up. Utility bills have increased fifty percent. There are kids who need extra help to stay afloat academically. And, of course, there is the ever increasing minimum tuition. As a matter of fact, although our take-home pay covers most of our expenses, it does not cover our modest mortgage or tuition. I’ll admit this: I don’t know how to live poor. [I appreciate honesty! But it seems to me that when one is blessed with a large family-bli ayin hara-on a small income, that one must choose to live without certain things. Perhaps some of the things mentioned in this article? Although I realize that even those cutbacks won't solve everything on a $50,000 income for x people.] I don’t know how to make Shabbos without chicken and without meat for the chulent [I realize this letter isn't about starting a forum on more frugal homemaking. But, should a person be interested, you can make wonderful vegetable and legume soups in a crockpot. And even the Kosher by Design series has a vegetarian cholent recipe in it]. I don’t know how to tell a child, “I’m sorry, but you have to wear an out-dated suit because we have no money for the $55.00 suit at Sym’s." I don’t function well in a house that is unbearably hot during the summer. I can’t bring myself to call up someone and ask for a ride because the gas is too expensive.
Life would be so simple if all you had to do was live simply in order to make ends meet. Granted, Rabbi Birnbaum was addressing a certain segment of the population when he made a case for not relying on credit cards [I see no indication he wasn't addressing all of us at some level. Certainly the "bite" of interest that eats one alive is experienced across the board]. However, there are many hardworking people like my family who simply don’t have enough for the basics [Agreed].
I just want to end off as follows. Boruch Hashem, my husband and I are very happy with our lives. Everyone has challenges in life. We realize that in many areas of life we are blessed. My children all know to be careful with money, but they don’t feel deprived [I would be curious how the parents have conveyed this message]. We have a rich life - in Yiddishkeit, in family, and in simcha. And those are things we could never buy - even with credit cards [agreed].
Sincerely,
Treading Water
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Unable or Unwilling? No Room to Cut Back?
In response to the Yated Readers Write Letter, featured in the previous post, which suggested fine tuning one's budget by using software, another writer decries the suggestion as "asinine" claiming that most people who are really struggling have no place to cut back. The letter appears below with emphasis added. My comments follow.
GET REAL
Dear Editor,
I am writing in response to Y. A., who authored a wonderful letter in your last edition on the spiraling debt in our society. While the letter was truly on the mark, I disagree with one point he mentions. Y. A. suggests getting hold of computer programs to rework one’s finances and try to save money. Perhaps that may be the answer for some people. However, for most people who are simply struggling to make ends meet, such a suggestion is asinine. Most of these people are already cutting corners in virtually every possible area. They are shopping in the cheapest supermarket in town, buying their toiletries in Wal-Mart because it is cheapest there, getting hand-me-downs from wherever they can, and using the same plastic tablecloth for all three meals on Shabbos to save some money. They give themselves their own haircuts and never have meat for supper. Their car is often a tin can on wheels and makes so much noise that it turns heads on the street. Of course these are just examples, but you get the point. So please, let’s get real. Microsoft Money doesn’t seem to have a place in this discussion. Thank you.Sincerely,Kesef Minolon
Excuse me. . . you don't keep a budget on paper and you claim to have no place to cut back??? I'm sorry, but there is always room to cut. It may be pennies, it may be dollars, it may be hundreds of dollars, it might even be thousands of dollars. But, it would be a rare, rare exception to find a family that could not make a cut even if they are already running a tight ship. Unless the frum amongst us who are "struggling to make ends meet" as per above are sitting in a dark room, eating (dried) beans and rice 7 days a week, studying a borrowed sefer by nightlight, than the assertion that there is nowhere to cut back is utterly ridiculous.
Furthermore, the *powerless* of the assertion that there is no room to cut back is *spiritually damaging* in my opinion. Falling into the "there is nothing we can do" trap just makes a person miserable and makes a person feel sorry for themself. I know plenty of people who complain about their lack on money and yet they should be able to do more than squeeze by or fall into debt. But you have to be willing to do your hishtadlut. A few years ago I read a personal finance feature that compared a family that was "just getting by" on some high salary to a woman who was saving money while paying grad school tuition in cash and making only $12,000 a year. The latter's positive attitude and cost cutting measures really inspired me and sent me into action.
Back to the letter. . . . . I can already spot two places mentioned where the family can cut back: plastic tablecloths and toiletries. Regarding the plastic tablecloth covers, why not put the cloth tablecloth into an almost full load of laundry? Even if you have to buy a machine washable tablecloth(s) which run as low as $8-$10 new with a coupon at a big box store, the tablecloths should pay for themselves after you stop buying plastic tablecloth covers. Readers, what does a box of plastic tablecloth covers run? How many are in a box? Another alternative, buy a $7 heavy plastic tablecloth cover and sponge it down after Shabbat. It should last you from Pesach until the next Pesach if you are good about cleaning it. I used to do that, but decided on the 1st alternative. (On the lighter side: you might have better shidduch prospects should you stop using plastic over your tablecloth. But, you might have worse shidduch prospects because you will most likely opt for a darker color tablecloth. So, it is a toss up).
In regards to buying toiletries I will say, if you are paying for (some) of them, you are paying too much! (This is a tip that I picked up from the article mentioned above and I have not paid for a tube of toothpaste since then). The author mentions shopping at Wal-Mart because they have the best price on toiletries. Wal-mart might have the best retail price on toiletries, but if you shop on sale and combine coupons and rebates in drug and grocery stores, you should be able to get toothbrushes and toothpaste for the price of sales tax and other products on full rebate for the price of the stamp, if the rebate can't be done online.
I have an entire cabinet full of toiletries that I have bought for pennies without too much trouble and heartache, just a quick read of the Sunday circulars and an efficient filing system for coupons and rain checks. Just this month I have managed to get 7 tubes of toothpaste, 1 bottle of mouthwash, and 3 toothbrushes for sales tax alone and it wasn't so difficult. I picked up 4 tubes of toothpaste and 1 toothbrush that were on sale for $0.99 and paid for each one with a $1 coupon while at one of my regular grocery stores buying milk and flour. I picked up the next 3 tubes of toothpaste at CVS when I went to stock up on diaper wipes that were on sale (something the real tightwads would consider wasteful). I noticed that a new toothpaste and mouthwash would give me back extra bucks and I was already there to pick up something else. I checked my coupon file and noticed I had a buy one get one free coupon for the toothpaste and a $1.50 off coupon for the mouthwash (I also had a $5 extra bucks coupon from a previous purchase. I paid for everything with my extra bucks, coupons, and $0.16 additional cents and immediately received an extra bucks coupon for more than I paid ($6.8 if you are counting), plus a $2 of $10 CVS brand purchase. I promptly grabbed a second bag of diaper wipes to bring me up to $10, and turned around and paid a $1.47 for approximately 3 months worth of diaper wipes. Not bad and I didn't have to go to Wal-mart, which is not only out of the way, but also is a pain to visit mostly because of its size. (Another benefit: I won't be scrambling to buy toothpaste and toothbrushes, inevitably at full price, Eruv Pesach nervously).
Another trick I have up my sleeve is receiving a $10, $20, or even $25 gift card to (most commonly) Rite Aid, CVS, Target, and Kmart pharmacies for bringing in a new and/or transferred prescription to their pharmacy. I have received a gift card for nearly every prescription I have filled in the past 2 years. Let's just say this is a lot of diapers. Turns out that I had a gift card that was going to be phased out due to a merger of two drug stores. I ended up the remaining balance to buy the other 2 toothbrushes (lest anyone is keeping count) and some shampoo and body wash that were also on full rebate. I'm waiting for my check in the mail!
Frugal homemaking is an art. It takes practice, time, preparation, and work (wish I started learning the art earlier). But it pays off. And it gets easier and easier (plus, you can go through and energetic stage and then slack off a bit). I'm not an artist yet. But I'm getting there. And I (rarely) believe those who claim there is no room to cut back. I know a number of places we can cut back (even if I'm not quite there yet) and I'm guessing that "most people who are simply struggling to make ends meet" can find places too. I know there are people in the frum community who suffer terribly, but I know that "most" who are struggling could do better. But you have to want to.
(BTW--New Yorkers have it particularly rough because you don't have the same availability of regular supermarkets within arm's reach. I'd welcome a post from a NY'er for former NY'er on how to make bargain shopping work for you. After all, the majority of frum American Jews live "in town").
Saturday, October 27, 2007
SPIRALING DEBT IN OUR COMMUNITY:
Another Yated Readers Write Letter
My comments in orange once again. See the Original Article by R. Avroham Birnbaum as well as one other response, "Debt End," that I've posted to date.
Dear Editor,
I was very happy to see the article "Dying To Borrow," by Avrohom Birnbaum, that addressed an issue which has become increasingly more common and devastating in our community: spiraling credit card debt.
He accurately described the dangers of owning "plastic," namely a false sense of security that leads to spending beyond one's means, and then the deathly cycle of paying off only minimums on the credit card each month, leading to an accumulation of ever-larger balances at outrageous rates of interest. [OTOH, rewards offered by credit companies when the balance is always paid off in full is like gravy]. When the Torah calls interest the "bite of a snake"- a venomous snake - it was not exaggerating. Just as venom, slowly at first,but more rapidly as time goes on, affects the inner workings of the victim's body, borrowing on interest one cannot afford, attacks the inner workings of one's self, simchas hachaim and very soul [in addition to eroding one's financial foundation]. This issue needs to be discussed more and brought more into the open. Kudos to the Yated for publishing Rabbi Birnbaum's piece.
However, at the same time, in my opinion, Rabbi Birnbaum oversimplified the problem and how a person in such a position should deal with the issue. He basically said that a person should work on himself to not have kinah. He quotes Rebbetzin Zlata Ginsburg's (daughter of the famed Mirrer andPonevezher mashgiach, Rav Yechezkel Levenstein zt"l) as saying how in America, ostentatious weddings, large houses, fancy cars and expensive clothing have become the new standard, and if one could just train oneself to not pursue such a lifestyle, one would not fall into debt. I'm sorry, but I know numerous situations of people who resisted with all their might ostentatious weddings (try to make one for less than $15k or even $20-25k [Unfortunately even a "budget wedding" is out of range for many, see my post on the need for a new model]), who do not live in large houses, drive fancy cars or need to be adorned in the latest name-brand clothes, but they are still living beyond their means.
Let's talk turkey. I want to share a conversation I had with an executive director of a well-known yeshiva about a year ago. He said that household earning a combined $200,000 or more generally easily meet their tuition responsibilities. Households in the $100-150,000 range, on the other hand,were "making it," but not necessarily easily or were "making it but struggling." He added he was talking about a typical family with 3-4 kids in yeshiva. [Maybe I am only speaking for myself, but $200,000 in combined incomes-both parents working full time and contributing nearly equal amounts-seems like an incredible amount of money, even in 2007, and must come with an incredible non-monetary "price tag" in terms of missed time with the children, exhaustion, coordination, etc.].
What if they have 5-6, or 7-10 or more? And what if one or more of the kids needs extra tutoring or has special education needs? He didn't say, but let's stick with the 3-4 kid cheshbon. Let's say the combined family income is less than $100,000. What does this executive director say about them? They often have "real issues," including "marital" issues, he explained. (Nevertheless, at his yeshiva, even kollel families, he explained, are required to pay at least $3,000 per child. No exceptions.) [I posted on minimum tuitions previously. I believe this post had the most comments to date.]
My point is that most people in a frum community nowadays do not have to live ostentatiously to be beset by extremely problematic and compromising financial situations. These days, with tuitions and other basic necessities, it's hard to imagine how a family with a fair amount of children and without inherited wealth [It is important to try to live frugally even when you can spend more in order to and build a cushion. That cushion will help protect a family from spiraling debts in the future] can survive on anything less than the salary of a doctor, lawyer or successful, independent businessman. [Doctors aren't making what they used to and many who have been to professional school also have $100K of debt to pay back, sometimes multiplied by two if the wife also went to law, med, or dental school. Making the "big bucks" often comes with a big price tag and I know my doctor and lawyer friends don't care for the the assumption that they are rolling in dough, especially when they are just squeezing by].
And, furthermore, what if the yeshiva system really does its job and produces boys and girls filled with the highest idealism who want to continue in kollel life for several years? [Seems the Yeshiva system is quite successful in this area. Even more successful is the Bais Yaakov system]. In case you don't know, the going rate for a solid boy who wants to learn five or more years is approximately $1,000 per month. That's about $50,000 over five years. And that, of course, doesn't include the money paid for the chasunah or the chasunah of other children, their tuitions, daily expenses, etc. [Nor does it include the amount needed to train for a parnasah once a married man decides it is time to leave kollel. Personally, I can't imagine buying a chatan for my own daughter, but it is practically standard in certain Yeshivish communities].
What Rabbi Birnbaum seemed not to understand, or at the least did not address at all in his article, is that there are lots of yirei Shomayim families who truly do not live ostentatiously and yet are faced with bills that cause them to fall into horrific debt despite living a modest lifestyle. I would venture to say that this is true about the vast majority who go into debt [Even a "modest" lifestyle can be beyond ones means]. Yes, there are some who fall into debt because they pursue unnecessary luxuries. However, I think most are not ostentatious, and in fact are repulsed by it.
Yet, debt is a real issue. And generally, the larger the family and the longer one is in the game, so to speak, the more of an issue it becomes. The first thing we have to realize is that despite all the fantastic wealth we are surrounded by in the modern world, living modest frum lives today requires an enormous, enormous amount of money. [My motto: no need to make a frum life more expensive than it needs to be]. We cannot blame those who don't make that $200,000 or more. We cannot tell them that it is a simple matter of working on the middah of kinah and not living ostentatiously [Agreed]. Is there a solution to this problem? [Teaching our children how to run a frugal home--and running one ourself--is part of the solution, although it still doesn't touch the tuition issue. Just like debt spirals out of control, savings increase and become their own additional source of income. In tax terms it is known as "passive income."]. I don't know, but the beginning of any solution has to encompass the entire community, including those with means who are not in debt (whose responsibility Rabbi Birnbaum brushed off). Those with money need to reach a little deeper into their pockets or at the least reassess their tzedakah apportionment. Direct a greater portion of your tzedakah dollars toward yeshivos. Many people give away large portions of their tzedakah money to all sorts of worthy causes, but don't realize that there is arguably no greater tzedakah than your local yeshiva. Yeshivos can start a sponsor-a-family fund to help pay tuition for families who simply can't meet even minimal tuition requirements even after a scholarship has been calculated. [Probably best if these funds are run by a separate organization]. Such tzedakah arguably goes further than any other tzedakah dollar you give and is tax-deductible. [A note: Required, i.e. non-voluntary, donations to a scholarship fund are not deductible]. Furthermore, some of the yeshivos themselves, including their tuition committees, could develop greater sensitivity to situations of families in genuine financial distress [Yeshivot need to pay their bills to, making sensitivity difficult, albeit necessary. Perhaps an easier area to be sensitive in would be to stop nickle and diming parents/students for less than necessary trips, parties, etc. Here is an example: I once watched a girl tell a principal she didn't have the money for a skate party. The principal told her, no problem, I'll pay and you give me an IOU. The girl really was resistant to signing an IOU and was trying to wiggle out of the party. The principal said the event was required. I will never know what the real situation was, but IMO the principal should have let her out of the event or treated the girl herself. She was one of the oldest in a family of 8 or 9 kids and either she didn't have the cash or didn't want to spend her cash on a skate party. And, I'd say that was her right].
At the same time, those who are in financial havoc have to see if there is any way to produce more income or at least reduce expenses [Reducing expenses is sometimes easier than finding new income. I routinuely "save" half or more than half the price of retail for groceries through smart shopping. It requires a lot of work, but every dollar I save is approximately $1.40-1.50 pre-tax dollars earned.]. One of the best ways of doing the latter is by keeping a detailed log of every penny spent [Review your receipts too or, better yet, have a frugal friend review them]. Inexpensive computer software like Quicken and Microsoft Money are great tools to follow your dollars and find hidden places where you may be able to cut back. [Excel works great too . See my Budgeting Label, especially Tool 1, Tool 2, and Tool 3]. Most financial planners will tell you that the first step toward regaining financial well-being is eliminating high-interest debt. One possible way to do this is to refinance your home or take out a line of credit [Home Equity Lines of Credit interest rates are climbing up and they do put your home on the line. Sometimes it is a good idea, sometimes it could be disastrous. The most important thing to do is get your budget in line even when re-aligning debt]. This is "good debt" [Update: I would not ever call a HELOC "good debt," but tax-advantaged debt to a limit]. in that it has tax advantages and is sure to incur interest at a rate less than the sinful rates of credit cards. And, of course, take as much advantage of interest-free gemachim as possible. The bottom line is that responsible yirei Shomayim families falling into debt is a growing problem that is everyone's problem. Not just those in debt [Agreed!]. There is arguably no more common type of mussar in the writings of Neviim than that addressing the insensitivity of those who have power and wealth toward those who don't. How the powerful and wealthy in a community relate to those without such means is a barometer of the spiritual health of a community. If they relate positively, it is a zechus for the community. If, chas veshalom, they do not, it can be well, let's not go there. There is perhaps no greater lesson at this time of year than this message.
As a community, we can do it. Together, we can do it. But as individuals pursuing our own agendas, immersed in our own pursuits, we will all fail. We have to help each other, reach out to each other and work together. Otherwise, what are we on this Earth for? What is the "klal' in Klal Yisroel?
Y. A.
Another Yated Readers Write Letter
My comments in orange once again. See the Original Article by R. Avroham Birnbaum as well as one other response, "Debt End," that I've posted to date.
Dear Editor,
I was very happy to see the article "Dying To Borrow," by Avrohom Birnbaum, that addressed an issue which has become increasingly more common and devastating in our community: spiraling credit card debt.
He accurately described the dangers of owning "plastic," namely a false sense of security that leads to spending beyond one's means, and then the deathly cycle of paying off only minimums on the credit card each month, leading to an accumulation of ever-larger balances at outrageous rates of interest. [OTOH, rewards offered by credit companies when the balance is always paid off in full is like gravy]. When the Torah calls interest the "bite of a snake"- a venomous snake - it was not exaggerating. Just as venom, slowly at first,but more rapidly as time goes on, affects the inner workings of the victim's body, borrowing on interest one cannot afford, attacks the inner workings of one's self, simchas hachaim and very soul [in addition to eroding one's financial foundation]. This issue needs to be discussed more and brought more into the open. Kudos to the Yated for publishing Rabbi Birnbaum's piece.
However, at the same time, in my opinion, Rabbi Birnbaum oversimplified the problem and how a person in such a position should deal with the issue. He basically said that a person should work on himself to not have kinah. He quotes Rebbetzin Zlata Ginsburg's (daughter of the famed Mirrer andPonevezher mashgiach, Rav Yechezkel Levenstein zt"l) as saying how in America, ostentatious weddings, large houses, fancy cars and expensive clothing have become the new standard, and if one could just train oneself to not pursue such a lifestyle, one would not fall into debt. I'm sorry, but I know numerous situations of people who resisted with all their might ostentatious weddings (try to make one for less than $15k or even $20-25k [Unfortunately even a "budget wedding" is out of range for many, see my post on the need for a new model]), who do not live in large houses, drive fancy cars or need to be adorned in the latest name-brand clothes, but they are still living beyond their means.
Let's talk turkey. I want to share a conversation I had with an executive director of a well-known yeshiva about a year ago. He said that household earning a combined $200,000 or more generally easily meet their tuition responsibilities. Households in the $100-150,000 range, on the other hand,were "making it," but not necessarily easily or were "making it but struggling." He added he was talking about a typical family with 3-4 kids in yeshiva. [Maybe I am only speaking for myself, but $200,000 in combined incomes-both parents working full time and contributing nearly equal amounts-seems like an incredible amount of money, even in 2007, and must come with an incredible non-monetary "price tag" in terms of missed time with the children, exhaustion, coordination, etc.].
What if they have 5-6, or 7-10 or more? And what if one or more of the kids needs extra tutoring or has special education needs? He didn't say, but let's stick with the 3-4 kid cheshbon. Let's say the combined family income is less than $100,000. What does this executive director say about them? They often have "real issues," including "marital" issues, he explained. (Nevertheless, at his yeshiva, even kollel families, he explained, are required to pay at least $3,000 per child. No exceptions.) [I posted on minimum tuitions previously. I believe this post had the most comments to date.]
My point is that most people in a frum community nowadays do not have to live ostentatiously to be beset by extremely problematic and compromising financial situations. These days, with tuitions and other basic necessities, it's hard to imagine how a family with a fair amount of children and without inherited wealth [It is important to try to live frugally even when you can spend more in order to and build a cushion. That cushion will help protect a family from spiraling debts in the future] can survive on anything less than the salary of a doctor, lawyer or successful, independent businessman. [Doctors aren't making what they used to and many who have been to professional school also have $100K of debt to pay back, sometimes multiplied by two if the wife also went to law, med, or dental school. Making the "big bucks" often comes with a big price tag and I know my doctor and lawyer friends don't care for the the assumption that they are rolling in dough, especially when they are just squeezing by].
And, furthermore, what if the yeshiva system really does its job and produces boys and girls filled with the highest idealism who want to continue in kollel life for several years? [Seems the Yeshiva system is quite successful in this area. Even more successful is the Bais Yaakov system]. In case you don't know, the going rate for a solid boy who wants to learn five or more years is approximately $1,000 per month. That's about $50,000 over five years. And that, of course, doesn't include the money paid for the chasunah or the chasunah of other children, their tuitions, daily expenses, etc. [Nor does it include the amount needed to train for a parnasah once a married man decides it is time to leave kollel. Personally, I can't imagine buying a chatan for my own daughter, but it is practically standard in certain Yeshivish communities].
What Rabbi Birnbaum seemed not to understand, or at the least did not address at all in his article, is that there are lots of yirei Shomayim families who truly do not live ostentatiously and yet are faced with bills that cause them to fall into horrific debt despite living a modest lifestyle. I would venture to say that this is true about the vast majority who go into debt [Even a "modest" lifestyle can be beyond ones means]. Yes, there are some who fall into debt because they pursue unnecessary luxuries. However, I think most are not ostentatious, and in fact are repulsed by it.
Yet, debt is a real issue. And generally, the larger the family and the longer one is in the game, so to speak, the more of an issue it becomes. The first thing we have to realize is that despite all the fantastic wealth we are surrounded by in the modern world, living modest frum lives today requires an enormous, enormous amount of money. [My motto: no need to make a frum life more expensive than it needs to be]. We cannot blame those who don't make that $200,000 or more. We cannot tell them that it is a simple matter of working on the middah of kinah and not living ostentatiously [Agreed]. Is there a solution to this problem? [Teaching our children how to run a frugal home--and running one ourself--is part of the solution, although it still doesn't touch the tuition issue. Just like debt spirals out of control, savings increase and become their own additional source of income. In tax terms it is known as "passive income."]. I don't know, but the beginning of any solution has to encompass the entire community, including those with means who are not in debt (whose responsibility Rabbi Birnbaum brushed off). Those with money need to reach a little deeper into their pockets or at the least reassess their tzedakah apportionment. Direct a greater portion of your tzedakah dollars toward yeshivos. Many people give away large portions of their tzedakah money to all sorts of worthy causes, but don't realize that there is arguably no greater tzedakah than your local yeshiva. Yeshivos can start a sponsor-a-family fund to help pay tuition for families who simply can't meet even minimal tuition requirements even after a scholarship has been calculated. [Probably best if these funds are run by a separate organization]. Such tzedakah arguably goes further than any other tzedakah dollar you give and is tax-deductible. [A note: Required, i.e. non-voluntary, donations to a scholarship fund are not deductible]. Furthermore, some of the yeshivos themselves, including their tuition committees, could develop greater sensitivity to situations of families in genuine financial distress [Yeshivot need to pay their bills to, making sensitivity difficult, albeit necessary. Perhaps an easier area to be sensitive in would be to stop nickle and diming parents/students for less than necessary trips, parties, etc. Here is an example: I once watched a girl tell a principal she didn't have the money for a skate party. The principal told her, no problem, I'll pay and you give me an IOU. The girl really was resistant to signing an IOU and was trying to wiggle out of the party. The principal said the event was required. I will never know what the real situation was, but IMO the principal should have let her out of the event or treated the girl herself. She was one of the oldest in a family of 8 or 9 kids and either she didn't have the cash or didn't want to spend her cash on a skate party. And, I'd say that was her right].
At the same time, those who are in financial havoc have to see if there is any way to produce more income or at least reduce expenses [Reducing expenses is sometimes easier than finding new income. I routinuely "save" half or more than half the price of retail for groceries through smart shopping. It requires a lot of work, but every dollar I save is approximately $1.40-1.50 pre-tax dollars earned.]. One of the best ways of doing the latter is by keeping a detailed log of every penny spent [Review your receipts too or, better yet, have a frugal friend review them]. Inexpensive computer software like Quicken and Microsoft Money are great tools to follow your dollars and find hidden places where you may be able to cut back. [Excel works great too . See my Budgeting Label, especially Tool 1, Tool 2, and Tool 3]. Most financial planners will tell you that the first step toward regaining financial well-being is eliminating high-interest debt. One possible way to do this is to refinance your home or take out a line of credit [Home Equity Lines of Credit interest rates are climbing up and they do put your home on the line. Sometimes it is a good idea, sometimes it could be disastrous. The most important thing to do is get your budget in line even when re-aligning debt]. This is "good debt" [Update: I would not ever call a HELOC "good debt," but tax-advantaged debt to a limit]. in that it has tax advantages and is sure to incur interest at a rate less than the sinful rates of credit cards. And, of course, take as much advantage of interest-free gemachim as possible. The bottom line is that responsible yirei Shomayim families falling into debt is a growing problem that is everyone's problem. Not just those in debt [Agreed!]. There is arguably no more common type of mussar in the writings of Neviim than that addressing the insensitivity of those who have power and wealth toward those who don't. How the powerful and wealthy in a community relate to those without such means is a barometer of the spiritual health of a community. If they relate positively, it is a zechus for the community. If, chas veshalom, they do not, it can be well, let's not go there. There is perhaps no greater lesson at this time of year than this message.
As a community, we can do it. Together, we can do it. But as individuals pursuing our own agendas, immersed in our own pursuits, we will all fail. We have to help each other, reach out to each other and work together. Otherwise, what are we on this Earth for? What is the "klal' in Klal Yisroel?
Y. A.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Totally Unprofessional:
Cell Phones in the Classroom
I was at an event when a cell phone started playing a tune. Someone remarked on the tune and the owner of the cell phone, a teacher in a girls' high school, proceeded to tell the group how she pays a dollar to download different rings on her cell phone because it entertains her students when her phone goes off in class.
Well, let me tell you. . . . I am NOT entertained. Not only am I not entertained, but I am angry. Parents pay $15,000 a year for this? This is so unprofessional that I don't even know where to begin. And I know this is no isolated case: she isn't the only teacher with a cell phone attached to at the hip and ear during class time (although I do hope she is the only one wasting funds on the downloads).
Such interruptions basically guarantee that the precious little time in class that is not already wasted by tardiness, behavior, bureaucracy, or other events, is interrupted by breaking up the flow.
A friend of mine defended teachers having cell phones in the classroom saying there could be an emergency. This friend is a good deal younger than me (especially in 'tech time'), so perhaps she has forgot that schools have a secretary sitting at the front desk whose responsibility it is to answer the phone.
Back in the old days, we all managed somehow. I think we should demand cell phone free classrooms, both teachers and students.
Cell Phones in the Classroom
I was at an event when a cell phone started playing a tune. Someone remarked on the tune and the owner of the cell phone, a teacher in a girls' high school, proceeded to tell the group how she pays a dollar to download different rings on her cell phone because it entertains her students when her phone goes off in class.
Well, let me tell you. . . . I am NOT entertained. Not only am I not entertained, but I am angry. Parents pay $15,000 a year for this? This is so unprofessional that I don't even know where to begin. And I know this is no isolated case: she isn't the only teacher with a cell phone attached to at the hip and ear during class time (although I do hope she is the only one wasting funds on the downloads).
Such interruptions basically guarantee that the precious little time in class that is not already wasted by tardiness, behavior, bureaucracy, or other events, is interrupted by breaking up the flow.
A friend of mine defended teachers having cell phones in the classroom saying there could be an emergency. This friend is a good deal younger than me (especially in 'tech time'), so perhaps she has forgot that schools have a secretary sitting at the front desk whose responsibility it is to answer the phone.
Back in the old days, we all managed somehow. I think we should demand cell phone free classrooms, both teachers and students.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Super-Sized Families and Their Budgets
In the comments section of a previous post, a reader asks for advice:
Please expert budgeters out there--HELP! Maybe I am doing something wrong. I earn $100,000 per year and have ten kids (eldest is 18). My wife earns enough money to pay for a cleaning woman once a week and is a stay-at-home mom. Groceries, tuition, car expenses, simchas, gifts, clothes, health and dental costs not covered, medication and orthodonture are not at all covered, etc. total more than our income. I am posting from a friends computer as we have no tv or internet at home.
Anyone with experience raising a super-sized family should weigh in. Anyone with real life experience on how to stay debt free (excluding a mortgage) while raising a very, very, very large frum family on a limited income should chime in and offer their advice. If you have real-life experience, whatever you are able to say will be far better than what I have to offer (especially without a previous year's budget in hand). In the meantime, I hope the advice I can offer will not completely fall upon deaf ears. (Also, please see the Budgeting Label for past material).
The first thing that I think is crucial to discuss is expectations. In general, I would say that those in the Orthodox community expect to provide their children with a "upper-middle-class" lifestyle regardless of circumstances. Playgroup/Pre-school, Camp, and a year in Israel (and usually years in Beis Medrash for boys) are givens in frum families. Cleaning ladies and other household help are near staples in most frum households. But not everyone can live the "(Frum) American Dream." And I believe it is important to make peace with that fact.
In the frum world, there is little diversity of experience. For the most part, we expect parents to "help" post-marriage and certainly pre-marriage. Attend any shidduch meeting and you will see that this assumption is practically written in stone.
Rarely, if ever, do you meet Jewish teenagers who are expected to work to help the family put food on the table, take a full time job immediately after graduation, or take a job during high school and save the money (not spend it on stuff) to pay for college in cash (not student loans). I'm sure most of our grandparents/great-grandparents were expected to do one or all of the above, but in today's Jewish world we just don't see these things happening and probably haven't even considered them as options. Yet there are American teenagers doing all of the above and they live perfectly functional lives (I went to high school where most parents expected their children to be somewhat self-supporting shortly after graduation, so I still experience culture shock when young married couple's parents are paying their car insurance).
I think the first thing that any family that can't meet their expenses must do is sit down with their children and discuss the situation in the most non-threatening way possible. They need to reassure their children that they will have shelter and clothing, but that they will be making cuts and that it is important to come together as a team and decide how to support each other while expenses are cut and income is perhaps increased.
I know many parents who just don't want to let their children know they can't "provide." But, ultimately lack of funds/debt catches up with a family and my own opinion is that it is best for children to live with the reality of the situation rather having whatever fantasies the children have built up (a 400 guest wedding, parents paying for college, uninterrupted years in Beis Medrash, etc) come crashing down.
Truth be told, I'm not sure a family of 12, with 10 school aged children can avoid "the red." But, I'd like to think that it is possible. I think the most important thing to understand is that commitment to take the budget out of the red isn't going to be easy and will most likely require a major overhaul.
Here are my semi-solicited ideas:
1. Find a Financial Coach: Hopefully there is someone in your community who is willing to serve as the "bad guy," by reviewing your budget and receipts. Having an outsider serve as the "bad guy" brings in a new set of eyes and ideas and takes some pressure off of the team. Lately, I'm reading more about "financial coaches" and I think it is an idea worth exploring.
2. Increase income: All household members that can babysit or can work outside of the home can contribute to the budget. Babysitting on evenings so mom can work in or out of the home or so that dad can work overtime is an extremely valuable contribution.
3. Cut the Extras: The author mentions his wife works just enough to pay a cleaning lady. This expense is probably the most obvious expense to go. Any child over 5 should be able to join the cleaning team. I personally can't imagine how to keep a house with 10 children even somewhat clean and understand the desire for help. But, something has to go. I don't know what the author does for simchas, but since they were mentioned, I would say if the money isn't there, a kiddush will have to suffice. Orthodontic work is another expense mentioned that I would say is extra.
4. Cut the Utility and Food: Get everyone in the habit of turning out lights, taking short showers, turning off the facet while brushing teeth, running full loads of laundry, etc. Get the kids involved in reading the circulars, cutting coupons, collecting the neighbors coupons where possible, and cooking inexpensive meals. Coordination is key, so all teenagers should get involved. Consider the (possible) change a valuable lesson in home economics. Challenge the kids to come up with a healthy inexpensive dinners that will feed 12. I have a few "Three dollar meals" that are filling. And if you are keeping chumrot in kashrut, consider a change (I know this is never popular advice).
In the comments section of a previous post, a reader asks for advice:
Please expert budgeters out there--HELP! Maybe I am doing something wrong. I earn $100,000 per year and have ten kids (eldest is 18). My wife earns enough money to pay for a cleaning woman once a week and is a stay-at-home mom. Groceries, tuition, car expenses, simchas, gifts, clothes, health and dental costs not covered, medication and orthodonture are not at all covered, etc. total more than our income. I am posting from a friends computer as we have no tv or internet at home.
Anyone with experience raising a super-sized family should weigh in. Anyone with real life experience on how to stay debt free (excluding a mortgage) while raising a very, very, very large frum family on a limited income should chime in and offer their advice. If you have real-life experience, whatever you are able to say will be far better than what I have to offer (especially without a previous year's budget in hand). In the meantime, I hope the advice I can offer will not completely fall upon deaf ears. (Also, please see the Budgeting Label for past material).
The first thing that I think is crucial to discuss is expectations. In general, I would say that those in the Orthodox community expect to provide their children with a "upper-middle-class" lifestyle regardless of circumstances. Playgroup/Pre-school, Camp, and a year in Israel (and usually years in Beis Medrash for boys) are givens in frum families. Cleaning ladies and other household help are near staples in most frum households. But not everyone can live the "(Frum) American Dream." And I believe it is important to make peace with that fact.
In the frum world, there is little diversity of experience. For the most part, we expect parents to "help" post-marriage and certainly pre-marriage. Attend any shidduch meeting and you will see that this assumption is practically written in stone.
Rarely, if ever, do you meet Jewish teenagers who are expected to work to help the family put food on the table, take a full time job immediately after graduation, or take a job during high school and save the money (not spend it on stuff) to pay for college in cash (not student loans). I'm sure most of our grandparents/great-grandparents were expected to do one or all of the above, but in today's Jewish world we just don't see these things happening and probably haven't even considered them as options. Yet there are American teenagers doing all of the above and they live perfectly functional lives (I went to high school where most parents expected their children to be somewhat self-supporting shortly after graduation, so I still experience culture shock when young married couple's parents are paying their car insurance).
I think the first thing that any family that can't meet their expenses must do is sit down with their children and discuss the situation in the most non-threatening way possible. They need to reassure their children that they will have shelter and clothing, but that they will be making cuts and that it is important to come together as a team and decide how to support each other while expenses are cut and income is perhaps increased.
I know many parents who just don't want to let their children know they can't "provide." But, ultimately lack of funds/debt catches up with a family and my own opinion is that it is best for children to live with the reality of the situation rather having whatever fantasies the children have built up (a 400 guest wedding, parents paying for college, uninterrupted years in Beis Medrash, etc) come crashing down.
Truth be told, I'm not sure a family of 12, with 10 school aged children can avoid "the red." But, I'd like to think that it is possible. I think the most important thing to understand is that commitment to take the budget out of the red isn't going to be easy and will most likely require a major overhaul.
Here are my semi-solicited ideas:
1. Find a Financial Coach: Hopefully there is someone in your community who is willing to serve as the "bad guy," by reviewing your budget and receipts. Having an outsider serve as the "bad guy" brings in a new set of eyes and ideas and takes some pressure off of the team. Lately, I'm reading more about "financial coaches" and I think it is an idea worth exploring.
2. Increase income: All household members that can babysit or can work outside of the home can contribute to the budget. Babysitting on evenings so mom can work in or out of the home or so that dad can work overtime is an extremely valuable contribution.
3. Cut the Extras: The author mentions his wife works just enough to pay a cleaning lady. This expense is probably the most obvious expense to go. Any child over 5 should be able to join the cleaning team. I personally can't imagine how to keep a house with 10 children even somewhat clean and understand the desire for help. But, something has to go. I don't know what the author does for simchas, but since they were mentioned, I would say if the money isn't there, a kiddush will have to suffice. Orthodontic work is another expense mentioned that I would say is extra.
4. Cut the Utility and Food: Get everyone in the habit of turning out lights, taking short showers, turning off the facet while brushing teeth, running full loads of laundry, etc. Get the kids involved in reading the circulars, cutting coupons, collecting the neighbors coupons where possible, and cooking inexpensive meals. Coordination is key, so all teenagers should get involved. Consider the (possible) change a valuable lesson in home economics. Challenge the kids to come up with a healthy inexpensive dinners that will feed 12. I have a few "Three dollar meals" that are filling. And if you are keeping chumrot in kashrut, consider a change (I know this is never popular advice).
5. HaKarat HaTov: Make sure to show appreciation for all the team members and find small way to reward everyone as goals are met (e.g. ice cream).
(I'm reposting readers comments in the comments section. Thanks to all the readers of this blog!).Saturday, October 20, 2007
Jewish Press Editorial: Our Chelm-like Leadership And The Crisis In Jewish Education
The following editorial was featured in the September 19, 2007 edition of the Jewish Press. The author, George Hanus, is a visionary and I am reprinting his editorial without comment below.
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In Yiddish folklore, the real-life Polish town of Chelm was characterized as a legendary community of fools. According to this folkloric tradition, Chelm’s residents were exceedingly proud of their tradition of non-wisdom and convoluted insight into the world’s problems. They viewed themselves as brilliant.
There are many hilarious stories about the backwards logic of Chelm. Even Chelm’s beggars had their own matrix for proper conduct: Shlomo the beggar went every week to solicit money from a wealthy merchant to help feed his family. Each week the merchant gave Shlomo the same amount of money. One week, the merchant gave Shlomo a little less money saying that business was very bad that week. Feeling aggrieved, Shlomo responded with the famous line, “Because you had a bad week, why should I suffer?”
Chelm’s citizens lived with certain basic standards of expected behavior. The “fallen buttered toast rule” was commonly known and generally accepted. When toast was dropped on the floor, it would always fall with the buttered side facing up. One day a woman dropped her toast and it fell with the buttered side facing down. She ran to the Grand Illustrious Council of Wise Men of Chelm for an explanation as to how this unexpected violation of a rule could happen. After much deliberation, fumbling and arguing, the Council determined that she had obviously buttered the toast on the wrong side.
With that stroke of wisdom, the woman and the rest of the town were satisfied and reassured that all was well with the world.
These Chelm stories would be funny if they were confined to fairy tales. But sometimes our current American Jewish leadership act as if they were members of the Grand Illustrious Council of Wise Men of Chelm.
America is a country of many organizations. There are groups to monitor the environment, save the whales, rescue pit bulls, and restore abandoned buildings. The number of non-profit advocacy and charitable organizations ranges in the tens of thousands.
In our community, too, there is a plethora of specialized organizations. The Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations represents 50 national Jewish agencies from across the political and religious spectrums. There are Jewish organizations that focus on saving trees in Israel, maintaining water levels in the Sea of Galilee and preserving Jewish cemeteries. Everyone is aware of the myriad local Federations and rabbinic organizations.
The list of special interest Jewish organizations is lengthy. All these organizations are very important and do wonderful and magnificent things on behalf of the Jewish people.
But strange as it may seem, there is not one national Jewish fundraising organization whose sole focus is ensuring that every Jewish child has access, if his or her family seeks it, to a quality and affordable Jewish education, irrespective of stream of affiliation or financial resources.
Impossible, some will say. If there is not a national Jewish organization that is solely focused on funding Jewish education for all of our children, then surely the existing national philanthropic Jewish charity chests and Federations and rabbinic organizations have made funding Jewish education their number-one agenda item?
Every year, most organizations hold annual conventions to discuss the issues most relevant to their constituencies. Yet there has not been one national Jewish fundraising organization, lay or rabbinic, that has dedicated its entire annual plenary or general meeting to the crisis of funding Jewish education.
Not one rabbinic organization – Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, or Reconstructionist – has convened its national convention and put communal funding of Jewish day schools at the top of the agenda. One rabbinic organization did find time in 2005 to pass a resolution that opposed the prominent display of the Confederate flag on the front lawn of the South Carolina state capitol.
Assimilation, intermarriage, and general spiritual malaise are dramatically impacting the trajectory of Jewish continuity. It is widely known that there is a direct correlation between increased Jewish education of children and their subsequent involvement in the Jewish community as adults. It is also well documented that many Jewish families would love to send their children to Jewish day schools but can’t afford the high tuition.
The answer is clear: Lower the cost of Jewish day schools so that they are universally affordable (or, better yet, free) and many more kids can attend; increase the quality of the educational experience by dramatically increasing salaries for teachers who can then earn a dignified living wage. This will attract more of the best and the brightest to the profession.
These suggestions, if implemented, would reverse the rapid course of American Jewish assimilation. Logic and self-preservation would dictate that every national Jewish philanthropic and rabbinic organization stop business as usual and hold national emergency meetings to discuss and implement massive funding of Jewish education.
In many ways we live in a surreal modern-day Chelm, and our Jewish leadership is reminiscent of the Grand Illustrious Council of Wise Men of Chelm.
Should our contemporary version of the Grand Illustrious Council of Wise Men of Chelm meet in the near future to discuss the problem of exorbitantly high tuitions preventing Jewish kids from receiving day school educations, the first thing they would do, in all likelihood, is convene important sounding committees and blue ribbon commissions to study the issue. If past performance offers any indication, they would, after much self-righteous and tortuous hand wringing, publish a very lengthy report with fancy graphs and charts and then do absolutely nothing.
And after all that they would probably implement the precedent of the “fallen buttered toast rule” and opine that Jewish kids are prevented from receiving a day-school education because their parents are obviously not working to full capacity and not earning enough money to pay tuition.
Chelm is a nice place to hear about in fairy tales. It is an altogether different story in real life. Let’s stop this institutional foolishness and join together to demand that every Jewish child be granted his or her legitimate birthright: communally funded Jewish education.
George Hanus is chairman of the Superfund for Jewish Education andContinuity; Jewish Broadcasting Network; World Jewish Digest; and the JewishEducation Leadership Institute Graduate School of Education at Loyola University. He is chairman emeritus of the Ida Crown Jewish Academy in Chicago.
The following editorial was featured in the September 19, 2007 edition of the Jewish Press. The author, George Hanus, is a visionary and I am reprinting his editorial without comment below.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Yiddish folklore, the real-life Polish town of Chelm was characterized as a legendary community of fools. According to this folkloric tradition, Chelm’s residents were exceedingly proud of their tradition of non-wisdom and convoluted insight into the world’s problems. They viewed themselves as brilliant.
There are many hilarious stories about the backwards logic of Chelm. Even Chelm’s beggars had their own matrix for proper conduct: Shlomo the beggar went every week to solicit money from a wealthy merchant to help feed his family. Each week the merchant gave Shlomo the same amount of money. One week, the merchant gave Shlomo a little less money saying that business was very bad that week. Feeling aggrieved, Shlomo responded with the famous line, “Because you had a bad week, why should I suffer?”
Chelm’s citizens lived with certain basic standards of expected behavior. The “fallen buttered toast rule” was commonly known and generally accepted. When toast was dropped on the floor, it would always fall with the buttered side facing up. One day a woman dropped her toast and it fell with the buttered side facing down. She ran to the Grand Illustrious Council of Wise Men of Chelm for an explanation as to how this unexpected violation of a rule could happen. After much deliberation, fumbling and arguing, the Council determined that she had obviously buttered the toast on the wrong side.
With that stroke of wisdom, the woman and the rest of the town were satisfied and reassured that all was well with the world.
These Chelm stories would be funny if they were confined to fairy tales. But sometimes our current American Jewish leadership act as if they were members of the Grand Illustrious Council of Wise Men of Chelm.
America is a country of many organizations. There are groups to monitor the environment, save the whales, rescue pit bulls, and restore abandoned buildings. The number of non-profit advocacy and charitable organizations ranges in the tens of thousands.
In our community, too, there is a plethora of specialized organizations. The Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations represents 50 national Jewish agencies from across the political and religious spectrums. There are Jewish organizations that focus on saving trees in Israel, maintaining water levels in the Sea of Galilee and preserving Jewish cemeteries. Everyone is aware of the myriad local Federations and rabbinic organizations.
The list of special interest Jewish organizations is lengthy. All these organizations are very important and do wonderful and magnificent things on behalf of the Jewish people.
But strange as it may seem, there is not one national Jewish fundraising organization whose sole focus is ensuring that every Jewish child has access, if his or her family seeks it, to a quality and affordable Jewish education, irrespective of stream of affiliation or financial resources.
Impossible, some will say. If there is not a national Jewish organization that is solely focused on funding Jewish education for all of our children, then surely the existing national philanthropic Jewish charity chests and Federations and rabbinic organizations have made funding Jewish education their number-one agenda item?
Every year, most organizations hold annual conventions to discuss the issues most relevant to their constituencies. Yet there has not been one national Jewish fundraising organization, lay or rabbinic, that has dedicated its entire annual plenary or general meeting to the crisis of funding Jewish education.
Not one rabbinic organization – Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, or Reconstructionist – has convened its national convention and put communal funding of Jewish day schools at the top of the agenda. One rabbinic organization did find time in 2005 to pass a resolution that opposed the prominent display of the Confederate flag on the front lawn of the South Carolina state capitol.
Assimilation, intermarriage, and general spiritual malaise are dramatically impacting the trajectory of Jewish continuity. It is widely known that there is a direct correlation between increased Jewish education of children and their subsequent involvement in the Jewish community as adults. It is also well documented that many Jewish families would love to send their children to Jewish day schools but can’t afford the high tuition.
The answer is clear: Lower the cost of Jewish day schools so that they are universally affordable (or, better yet, free) and many more kids can attend; increase the quality of the educational experience by dramatically increasing salaries for teachers who can then earn a dignified living wage. This will attract more of the best and the brightest to the profession.
These suggestions, if implemented, would reverse the rapid course of American Jewish assimilation. Logic and self-preservation would dictate that every national Jewish philanthropic and rabbinic organization stop business as usual and hold national emergency meetings to discuss and implement massive funding of Jewish education.
In many ways we live in a surreal modern-day Chelm, and our Jewish leadership is reminiscent of the Grand Illustrious Council of Wise Men of Chelm.
Should our contemporary version of the Grand Illustrious Council of Wise Men of Chelm meet in the near future to discuss the problem of exorbitantly high tuitions preventing Jewish kids from receiving day school educations, the first thing they would do, in all likelihood, is convene important sounding committees and blue ribbon commissions to study the issue. If past performance offers any indication, they would, after much self-righteous and tortuous hand wringing, publish a very lengthy report with fancy graphs and charts and then do absolutely nothing.
And after all that they would probably implement the precedent of the “fallen buttered toast rule” and opine that Jewish kids are prevented from receiving a day-school education because their parents are obviously not working to full capacity and not earning enough money to pay tuition.
Chelm is a nice place to hear about in fairy tales. It is an altogether different story in real life. Let’s stop this institutional foolishness and join together to demand that every Jewish child be granted his or her legitimate birthright: communally funded Jewish education.
George Hanus is chairman of the Superfund for Jewish Education andContinuity; Jewish Broadcasting Network; World Jewish Digest; and the JewishEducation Leadership Institute Graduate School of Education at Loyola University. He is chairman emeritus of the Ida Crown Jewish Academy in Chicago.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
DEBT END: The Readers Respond
In the previous post, I posted an article about families sinking *spiritually* and financially via debt. I commented that I liked the mussar in the article, but thought it was disingenuous to ignore one of the driving factors behind debt in the frum community: i.e. tuition.
Now I will start to present some of the readers' write articles with my comments in orange once again.
DEBT END
Dear Editor,
Rabbi Avrohom Birnbaum wrote in his essay "Dying to Borrow"that we have to live within our means, and stop borrowing to keep up with the Joneses.
While for those who indeed borrow to keep up with their friends and neighbors, of course he is right on the mark. However, Rabbi Birnbaum must realize that for the vast majority of middle-income frum families, it is simply impossible to live within means without running an operating deficit.
Take myself for example. I am earning what would be considered a "decent living" - approximately $130K/yr. We have been blessed with a family in the double digits, boruch Hashem. Over 40% of my income goes to tuition [Quick Calculation: Assuming he calculates from income, rather than post-tax income, that would be $52,000, a relative bargain with such a large family. That amount is about what is needed to enroll 4 kids in my OOT schools, both modern and not so modern] (the only financial investment that we will take with us to the NextWorld!). Otherwise, we live very frugally. Our children don't go to sleep-away camp [I presume they go to camp. We could and should open up a discussion about camp, but as you will see at the end of the letter the writer makes suggestions of what can be done, so I might as well put camp and what other models could be pursued to my forever increasing list of subjects to discuss], 50% of our clothing are hand-me-downs, chasunos are bare-bones, with no video, a one man-band, and minimal flowers [For an example of how other religious groups do weddings, see this post. I have yet to see a DJ at a frum wedding and I have yet to go to a wedding without flowers for centerpieces, except my own: see here. In that post I also mention vorts/l'chaims, which is something that is not a chiyuv, yet ever chatan and kallah I know has made one (except us), and many engaged couples make more than one, each in their respective hometown, and sometimes in their adopted hometown too]. . Our home has no room for our married children to visit without outsourcing our small ones to neighbors. Our cars are old. Believe it or not, we run an operating deficit of approximately $40K/yr. [Easy for me to believe, especially given the number of children]. As the kids continue to get married and as the cost of food and fuel continue to skyrocket, this number keeps ongoing up. [Shouldn't expenses FALL as children get married? Presumably one would need less food, less fuel. I imagine these parents are expected to help "support" which drives their costs continually up. Of course, it also may be that less children in school costs just as much between rising tuition and less scholarship awarded]. So, with all due respect to Rabbi Birnbaum, we don't need to be keeping up with anyone to enjoy the status of "The Debt-Ridden Folks." This status is being obtained much quicker these days for younger couples, as the cost of housing is approximately four times higher than when I bought my house. [Many young couples also have significant student loans, another factor that can't be ignored for the younger population.]
What is there to do? While I can't suggest solving the entire problem, I would like to suggest a few things that can help alleviate some of it:
1) We Yidden must do more to support our own community. Every dollar spent in-house has a ripple effect on our economy and our mosdos. [A whole post could be written on this alone. I find frum owned businesses, like kosher markets, to be prohibitively expensive. Some might try to guilt trip those who avoid the kosher markets, but I am certain if I did use them as a primary grocery store, rather than just for meat and cheese, products we use sparingly, that our grocery bill would double if not more!]
2) While there are, boruch Hashem, many gemachs out there, we need more money from the wealthy to help subsidize the cost of basic necessities in the form of low-cost food and clothing stores - in every community. [I'd prefer to see the super wealthy supporting the schools, underwriting tuition. This point doesn't seem to go with number 1. My own suggestion: don't rely on others to step up to the plate. If there is an area where money can be saved, get together with other families and make it happen, or start your own gemach. Here is how Mom-in-Israel puts together an almost free camp (I and II). There is no reason cooperatives couldn't be employed for pre-school, babysitting, etc. See Mom in Israel's tips for setting up cooperatives].
3) Our mosdos must work hard on building endowments in our schools so that the percentage of our income going to tuition can be reduced. [Agreed. In addition, staff costs are by far the biggest cost. Perhaps staff can be shared more effectively. My own experience is that hiring part-time costs does not cost half, more like 3/4's. And let's look at what is being duplicated and consolidate].
4) We must create a system for our chasunos like they have in Antwerp,where, together with volunteers, the cost of simple weddings can be lessened by a large margin. [See Harry Maryles' post on "Simcha Weddings" in Chicago. A good place to start might be modest bar mitzvahs. A challenge of weddings is that two parties are involved and there is a ton of emotion. More than one parent I know has just coughed up the wedding to make things more peaceful, or even save the engagement. Perhaps what we really need is volunteer mediators. :) ].
Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts and for a great paper. [None of my comments are meant to be critical of this family. The notes are just an easier way to jot some thoughts down quickly].
Ezriel Schwartz
Brooklyn, N.Y.
Avrohom Birnbaum responds:
I thank Ezriel Schwartz for his important contribution to this discussion. Indeed, the plight of the middle class in our communities is one that truly warrants discussion. As a collective community, we must band together to think of ways that will make it easier for people who earn a living honorably to be able to meet their expenses without falling into debt. The suggestions put forth in the letter are a good start.
Nevertheless, I think we would be fooling ourselves to imply that "keeping up with the Joneses" is a reason that accounts for only a small minority of those who borrow themselves into a spiral of debt. There is no doubt that a very large segment of the population does borrow money in an irresponsible way so that they can make simchos that they won't be ashamed of [like I said, time for someone to roll out a better model. For an example of leading by example, see "Gashmius NOT on parade"] or buy a car or house that they won't be ashamed of [we need to better transmit the message that modesty isn't just hemlines and necklines]. It is that large segment of the population, or those contemplating joining that group, to whom my words were addressed [I still like the original article, but it seems like the white elephant is still being ignored. Oh well].
Yours Sincerely,
Avrohom Birnbaum
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Spiritually Sinking Via Debt
“Debts?” I asked. “What debts?”
Chazal tell us that paying interest is like getting bitten by a snake. The snake bite is tiny, but its venom slowly envelopes the entire body, eventually killing the person. When a person starts leaving a balance, even a small balance, on a credit card, he may soon be doomed to a life of constant debt, bankruptcy and, challila, geneiva. [Emphasis added].
Plastic gives a false sense of security, practically empowering a person to buy something without knowing how he will pay for it. It allows one to pretend that he is also one of the affluent, even though he is not.
Parents put themselves into debt buying clothing for their children, because the child is embarrassed to be dressed in a “shmatta” if a classmate is bedecked in a fancy, name-brand outfit or suit. [I would pin the embarrassment as much on the parent as the child. When we are in certain communities, we see even babies, infants, and preschoolers dressed in dry clean designer European clothing. Last I checked, preschoolers are happy to make a choice between two to three items the parent has picked out. The "minhag" of matching Yom Tov outfits for all girls, and even coordinating outfits for the boys, is just plain wasteful, and yet nearly every family that is more to the right partakes of this minhag, even those who I know really shouldn't. This is probably one of the most wasteful things seen in the frum community].
In the event that a person is absolutely compelled to borrow money, l’maan Hashem, it is not advisable to borrow from credit card companies whose venomous interest can kill. It is preferable to do all one possibly can to borrow from interest-free sources. Kinah kills.
Hat Tip: A Reader of This Blog
Below is the a Yated article, written by R. Avroham Birnbaum in the August 31 edition of the Yated. It has prompted numerous responses, many of which I hope to post. The article makes many important points, but fails to even acknowledge the big white elephant in the room: tuition, which is on of the driving factors of debt in the frum community. Nevertheless, this the points in this article about the nature of debt, living beyond one's means, etc, ring true. My comments are in orange.
Dying to Borrow
by Avrohom Birnbaum
It was just a casual conversation with an old friend. Commenting on the fact that I could not believe that Rosh Hashanah and the Yomim Noraim were around the corner, I wistfully recalled the spiritually uplifting, intense Elul that we experienced in yeshiva. Despite what Rav Yisroel Salanter used to say, that “The whole year should be like Elul, but Elul is still Elul,” no place can rival a yeshiva during the month of Elul. The days of Elul in a yeshiva affords one a special closeness to Hashem and an intense ruchniyusdike experience.
Dying to Borrow
by Avrohom Birnbaum
It was just a casual conversation with an old friend. Commenting on the fact that I could not believe that Rosh Hashanah and the Yomim Noraim were around the corner, I wistfully recalled the spiritually uplifting, intense Elul that we experienced in yeshiva. Despite what Rav Yisroel Salanter used to say, that “The whole year should be like Elul, but Elul is still Elul,” no place can rival a yeshiva during the month of Elul. The days of Elul in a yeshiva affords one a special closeness to Hashem and an intense ruchniyusdike experience.
Looking at me with a pained expression, my friend exclaimed, “Elul in yeshiva? I wish I could have Elul anywhere! I can’t even think about the upcoming Rosh Hashanah. I can’t begin to contemplate spiritually preparing myself for the impending Yom Hadin, because my chovos, my debts, simply do not give me respite.”
“Debts?” I asked. “What debts?”
My friend then proceeded to relate that he owed what to me was an astronomic sum to credit card companies. “I have no yishuv hadaas and I get depressed simply thinking about how I will ever repay my debts and leave behind this spiraling black hole of debt,” he said. “The second I awake, I think about my balances and how impossible it will be for me to earn enough to pay them off. It is terribly depressing to wake up with such heavy, unsolvable issues weighing on one’s heart, every morning. And you wonder why I have no emotional energy left to think about Rosh Hashana, Yom Hadin, Yemei harachamim v’haratzon and teshuva?!” [Many young people are told not to worry about money, Hashem helps, and when things get too tough, and switching gears is extremely difficult. I have heard plenty of Rabbonim talk about the challenge of wealth, yet little is said about the challenges of debt including the spiritual erosion that can happen when a family is overextended. In addition, I've attended shiurim on giving tzedakah, yet I have never seen a shiur advertised that addresses the halachic question and practical questions about who/what gets paid first when the cash just isn't there].
We sat down together and tried to plan a strategy to somewhat alleviate the crushing burden. It soon became clear that every month, he was paying the minimum balance or a bit more on his credit card just to keep the creditors at bay, but meanwhile, the interest was making it impossible for him to emerge from his perpetual state of debt. [It is great to have well meaning people sit down and coach those in a dire prediciment. However, is there a frum credit counseling agency? It seems like this is a void that needs to be filled. . . and fast! I often hear commercials for Christian agencies that specialize in credit counseling. I wish I had the know how to start a frum credit counseling agency].
We sat down together and tried to plan a strategy to somewhat alleviate the crushing burden. It soon became clear that every month, he was paying the minimum balance or a bit more on his credit card just to keep the creditors at bay, but meanwhile, the interest was making it impossible for him to emerge from his perpetual state of debt. [It is great to have well meaning people sit down and coach those in a dire prediciment. However, is there a frum credit counseling agency? It seems like this is a void that needs to be filled. . . and fast! I often hear commercials for Christian agencies that specialize in credit counseling. I wish I had the know how to start a frum credit counseling agency].
This particular individual was making enough money to cover his monthly expenses, sometimes even earning a surplus which he paid to the credit card company in an attempt to make a dent in the balance. Nevertheless, he was simply unable to procure sufficient funds to repay the thousands and thousands of dollars of debt that had amassed over the years. [Please read my previous post on getting out of small amounts of debt quick. Once debt is no longer controllable, a complete overhaul and/or bankruptcy is needed. The new bankruptcy laws could very possibly preclude a Yeshiva Education].
I asked him why he does not borrow from interest-free gemachs to pay off his balances and then make a payment plan with the gemach. “It may take time, but eventually you might even be debt free,” I said. My friend replied, “The gemachs are a pain. They only lend you a certain amount and you must get co-signers. The whole thing is so embarrassing.” [Interest free loans can help, but a financial overhaul an absolute must if someone remain debt free].
I asked him why he does not borrow from interest-free gemachs to pay off his balances and then make a payment plan with the gemach. “It may take time, but eventually you might even be debt free,” I said. My friend replied, “The gemachs are a pain. They only lend you a certain amount and you must get co-signers. The whole thing is so embarrassing.” [Interest free loans can help, but a financial overhaul an absolute must if someone remain debt free].
I convinced him that perpetual debt was a bigger “pain”. Being enticed by the relative ease of plastic was a recipe for disaster, debt, depression and illness. “You are in the throes of that illness already,” I continued. Indeed, the increased reliance on credit cards as a form of taking
long-term loans is a very troubling development.
Jews have reached an amzing level of affluence, residing in the benevolent golus in which we live. This affluence has enabled Yiddishkeit to flourish. Beautiful mosdos haTorah have been built and are sustained, and post-marriage kollel learning has become a norm. [I don't expect the Yated to draw the connection between kollel learning as a norm and the reliance on credit, home equity loans, etc. But, it doesn't take a financial expert to draw the connection].
long-term loans is a very troubling development.
Jews have reached an amzing level of affluence, residing in the benevolent golus in which we live. This affluence has enabled Yiddishkeit to flourish. Beautiful mosdos haTorah have been built and are sustained, and post-marriage kollel learning has become a norm. [I don't expect the Yated to draw the connection between kollel learning as a norm and the reliance on credit, home equity loans, etc. But, it doesn't take a financial expert to draw the connection].
Simultaneously, affluence and the accompanying lifestyle have also exposed our communities to a culture where wealth has become a status symbol. The house in which one lives, the car one drives, the chasuna one makes for his children, even the amount of support one gives to his married children, have all become wealth barometers that engender envy.
Many less than-affluent people seek to show that they also belong to this elite club, putting pressure on themselves to build status symbol houses and make status symbol weddings, etc. The massive mortgages, the constant pursuit of money, combined with the increased work load and work hours, wreak havoc on families. Parents are so busy trying to earn money that, inevitably, their children and shalom bayis are neglected. [It is shocking that tuition was not mentioned].
One of the most troubling developments over the past several years is the increased reliance on credit cards by segments of our tzibbur. According to prominent askonim, in both America and Israel, the number of families in our communities who live on plastic and revolve large sums of money from one credit card to another has reached dangerous proportions. [!]
Many less than-affluent people seek to show that they also belong to this elite club, putting pressure on themselves to build status symbol houses and make status symbol weddings, etc. The massive mortgages, the constant pursuit of money, combined with the increased work load and work hours, wreak havoc on families. Parents are so busy trying to earn money that, inevitably, their children and shalom bayis are neglected. [It is shocking that tuition was not mentioned].
One of the most troubling developments over the past several years is the increased reliance on credit cards by segments of our tzibbur. According to prominent askonim, in both America and Israel, the number of families in our communities who live on plastic and revolve large sums of money from one credit card to another has reached dangerous proportions. [!]
Chazal tell us that paying interest is like getting bitten by a snake. The snake bite is tiny, but its venom slowly envelopes the entire body, eventually killing the person. When a person starts leaving a balance, even a small balance, on a credit card, he may soon be doomed to a life of constant debt, bankruptcy and, challila, geneiva. [Emphasis added].
Plastic gives a false sense of security, practically empowering a person to buy something without knowing how he will pay for it. It allows one to pretend that he is also one of the affluent, even though he is not.
Fiscal responsibility is not just a good policy; it is an insurance that one will not be overwhelmed by the crushing burden of massive debts, that one will not sink into depression when he sees no way out or that one will not ultimately stoop to geneiva to try to extricate oneself from a spiral
of debt.
of debt.
Rebbetzin Zlata Ginsburg, the daughter of the famed Mirrer and Ponevezher mashgiach, Rav Yechezkel Levenstein, was widowed at a young age when her husband, the Mirrer rosh Yeshiva, Rav Ephraim Mordechai Ginsburg was niftar at a young age. She was left with five orphans. This was in 1960, before the times when massive collections were made for widows and orphans. When they stood up from shiva, she had seven dollars and fifty cents in the
bank…
bank…
She single-handedly served as father and mother to her children, while simultaneously serving as the family’s breadwinner. She raised them l’shem ulitiferes and merited to see her children become great talmidei chachomim, prominent roshei yeshiva and marbitzei Torah. I once asked her, “How did you manage? How did you support your children and eventually marry them off, all alone, without any help?” She answered with a simplicity that made a lifelong impression on me: “I never spent a penny that I didn’t have. If I didn’t have the money, I skimped and simply didn’t buy.”
She would often say that it less than productive to simply ask people who do have means not to overindulge in gashmiyus; rather, it is even more important to focus on teaching those who don’t, not to have kinah, not to envy others. In pre-war Europe, she said, it was unheard of for a non-wealthy person to mimic the lifestyle of the wealthy. People understood their place in society, their means and lived accordingly. [I'm not sure it is really fair to compare America and Israel. Being frum in America means putting your children in private school, which among the general public, is basically reserved for those with wealth, or is something parents do for a short time. Nearly every one of us has areas that we can cut, but there are also areas that are near impossible to cut. For example, in nearly every community I've lived in, there is no choice but to have a car(s). You can't send young children alone on a bus and the schools are miles outside of the kehillah]. In America, she said, everyone has to be equal. There are ‘equal rights’ and therefore, if people who can afford luxuries indulge by making ostentatious weddings, building large houses or buying fancy cars and expensive clothing, it seems that everyone thinks these luxuries should become the new standard for all segments of society. [In the Jewish community, frum and otherwise, this seems the case, especially the weddings. But I'm not willing to pin this as an "American" thing. My (non-Jewish) friends from high school made plenty of backyard weddings or just headed to the courthouse. A hotel wedding was far more rare. There was plenty of variety in how people spent their summers, put on weddings, etc. There is plenty of variety in America, but it is rarely seen in the frum community].
Parents put themselves into debt buying clothing for their children, because the child is embarrassed to be dressed in a “shmatta” if a classmate is bedecked in a fancy, name-brand outfit or suit. [I would pin the embarrassment as much on the parent as the child. When we are in certain communities, we see even babies, infants, and preschoolers dressed in dry clean designer European clothing. Last I checked, preschoolers are happy to make a choice between two to three items the parent has picked out. The "minhag" of matching Yom Tov outfits for all girls, and even coordinating outfits for the boys, is just plain wasteful, and yet nearly every family that is more to the right partakes of this minhag, even those who I know really shouldn't. This is probably one of the most wasteful things seen in the frum community].
The egalitarian nature of American society has many advantages, but it comes with disadvantages too, one of which is its tendency to encourage unmitigated kinah, envy.
If we want to have yishuv hadaas to serve Hashem; if we want to have the necessary time to learn, daven or prepare for Rosh Hashanah; If we want time to spend time educating our children, learning with our children, playing with our children and not agonizing over new money-making schemes to repay ever growing debts, we must learn how not to spend what we don’t have…even if it makes us socially uncomfortable. [Still no mention of tuition].
If we want to have yishuv hadaas to serve Hashem; if we want to have the necessary time to learn, daven or prepare for Rosh Hashanah; If we want time to spend time educating our children, learning with our children, playing with our children and not agonizing over new money-making schemes to repay ever growing debts, we must learn how not to spend what we don’t have…even if it makes us socially uncomfortable. [Still no mention of tuition].
In the event that a person is absolutely compelled to borrow money, l’maan Hashem, it is not advisable to borrow from credit card companies whose venomous interest can kill. It is preferable to do all one possibly can to borrow from interest-free sources. Kinah kills.
[All and all a good article. But the failure to mention tuition is huge and the "Reader's Write letters reflect that].
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Catching the Downward Sprial of Debt before it Catches Up with You
This is a small post dedicated to those who find themselves with a minor amount of credit card debt and who want to get out of debt quickly. Even small amounts of consumer debt can quickly catch up with a family and erode their financial stability. Debt builds on itself quickly and it wasn't without reason that our sages called neshech/bite. For example, a seemingly small amount of credit card debt, say $4000-$5000, can easily cost a family over $100 more a month. If the pattern of increasing debt plus interest is not tackled quickly, a downward spiral is nearly inevitable. But, the good news is that small amounts of debt can be tackled and overcome, relatively quickly.
Below are five "emergency ideas" that I am putting forward to help readers who are mostly living within their means, but have faced unexpected expenses, to get our of the "red" as quickly as possible. Those who are not in debt, but don't have enough in their emergency fund, will hopefully find these ideas useful too. This isn't a post about a total budget overhaul, but more about keeping the day to day and month to month expenses under control.
Just a tip for those whose debt is spread across more than one credit card: pay the credit card with the highest Annual Percentage Rate first, while paying only the minimum on the other credit card(s). Once you have knocked off the balance on one card, apply the new found money to pay off the next card. . . . and repeat!
1. Stop using your credit card and start using cash. There are studies that show consumers spend more when they use their credit card. In short, it is easier to hand over the credit card than to hand over the green stuff. With cash, you know that when you are out, you are out. When you need to be able to serve an entire weeks worth of meals on the amount budgeted, you will have no choice but to compare prices (make sure you have a calculator on hand when you go shopping) and you will be forced to think twice about buying that snack on the way out.
2. Make that dollar stretch by going on a "financial diet: All unnecessary purchases have to wait until you are out of debt and can go back to the drawing table. Prepare menus around stocks of food on hand. Make challah, pizza dough, and pie crusts by hand. Eliminate extra courses. Think of alternatives to your regular fare. Get out your cookbooks (or borrow a friend's cookbooks) and find inexpensive meals to make. Do you have a week's worth of "three dollar" meals up your sleeve? The world of legumes and grains is tasty, healthy, frugal, and hearty. Protein can be found in places besides meat. And as we all know, meat and cheese are the two products that can eat the kosher consumer's budget up alive. Use sparingly.
Turns out lights when you leave the room. Set the heater at a lower temperature and wear a sweater (that one if for my dear husband should he be reading my blog this week!). Arrange your schedule to make trips by car more productive. Walk whenever possible.
3. Review your "Fixed Expenses:" Can you save money by switching your telephone service to basic and using a calling card for only necessary long distance calls? Chances are, your family/friends have unlimited and can call you. Compare your current auto insurance policy to few others and make sure you are not overpaying. Could you possibly go without a cell phone or cleaning help, at least until you get out of debt? If you use childcare, could you cut hours by working a different schedule for a few months?
4. Increase you Income: Can you work overtime? Is there a job you could take after hours or on a Sunday?
5. Get everyone on board: Don't leave the kids out of the loop. It isn't fun to have to cut back. But, if you have kids who can read circulars, cut coupons, plan menus, and wash dishes (eliminate those paper plates!), you can include them and make it more fun. Put a chart on the wall and show them how their efforts have freed up funds.
Add your comments and tips too! (I realize I did not deal with finding lower rate credit cards, taking an interest free loan from family, etc. Those things can all help. But there are no magic solutions and a little hard work can pay off quick. Just remember that as the debt falls, so does the interest and money frees itself up).
This is a small post dedicated to those who find themselves with a minor amount of credit card debt and who want to get out of debt quickly. Even small amounts of consumer debt can quickly catch up with a family and erode their financial stability. Debt builds on itself quickly and it wasn't without reason that our sages called neshech/bite. For example, a seemingly small amount of credit card debt, say $4000-$5000, can easily cost a family over $100 more a month. If the pattern of increasing debt plus interest is not tackled quickly, a downward spiral is nearly inevitable. But, the good news is that small amounts of debt can be tackled and overcome, relatively quickly.
Below are five "emergency ideas" that I am putting forward to help readers who are mostly living within their means, but have faced unexpected expenses, to get our of the "red" as quickly as possible. Those who are not in debt, but don't have enough in their emergency fund, will hopefully find these ideas useful too. This isn't a post about a total budget overhaul, but more about keeping the day to day and month to month expenses under control.
Just a tip for those whose debt is spread across more than one credit card: pay the credit card with the highest Annual Percentage Rate first, while paying only the minimum on the other credit card(s). Once you have knocked off the balance on one card, apply the new found money to pay off the next card. . . . and repeat!
1. Stop using your credit card and start using cash. There are studies that show consumers spend more when they use their credit card. In short, it is easier to hand over the credit card than to hand over the green stuff. With cash, you know that when you are out, you are out. When you need to be able to serve an entire weeks worth of meals on the amount budgeted, you will have no choice but to compare prices (make sure you have a calculator on hand when you go shopping) and you will be forced to think twice about buying that snack on the way out.
2. Make that dollar stretch by going on a "financial diet: All unnecessary purchases have to wait until you are out of debt and can go back to the drawing table. Prepare menus around stocks of food on hand. Make challah, pizza dough, and pie crusts by hand. Eliminate extra courses. Think of alternatives to your regular fare. Get out your cookbooks (or borrow a friend's cookbooks) and find inexpensive meals to make. Do you have a week's worth of "three dollar" meals up your sleeve? The world of legumes and grains is tasty, healthy, frugal, and hearty. Protein can be found in places besides meat. And as we all know, meat and cheese are the two products that can eat the kosher consumer's budget up alive. Use sparingly.
Turns out lights when you leave the room. Set the heater at a lower temperature and wear a sweater (that one if for my dear husband should he be reading my blog this week!). Arrange your schedule to make trips by car more productive. Walk whenever possible.
3. Review your "Fixed Expenses:" Can you save money by switching your telephone service to basic and using a calling card for only necessary long distance calls? Chances are, your family/friends have unlimited and can call you. Compare your current auto insurance policy to few others and make sure you are not overpaying. Could you possibly go without a cell phone or cleaning help, at least until you get out of debt? If you use childcare, could you cut hours by working a different schedule for a few months?
4. Increase you Income: Can you work overtime? Is there a job you could take after hours or on a Sunday?
5. Get everyone on board: Don't leave the kids out of the loop. It isn't fun to have to cut back. But, if you have kids who can read circulars, cut coupons, plan menus, and wash dishes (eliminate those paper plates!), you can include them and make it more fun. Put a chart on the wall and show them how their efforts have freed up funds.
Add your comments and tips too! (I realize I did not deal with finding lower rate credit cards, taking an interest free loan from family, etc. Those things can all help. But there are no magic solutions and a little hard work can pay off quick. Just remember that as the debt falls, so does the interest and money frees itself up).
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
"Starter Marriages"
Ariella ponders about the sad and seemingly increasing number of quickly dissolving marriages in the frum community. I personally know a handful of frum people who have been in short marriages (some lasting no more than 3 or 6 months, others lasting in the 3-5 year range) and I have heard of numerous other cases. While all divorce is clouded in mystery, very short marriages, especially of the very young, are even more clouded in mystery.
While the Jewish Observer and other frum publications concern themselves with the "shidduch crisis" where 22 year old girls remain unmarried, I am increasingly concerned about the 22 year old girls who are divorced (sometimes with kids). I have yet to see this addressed in any frum publication, although I only can read a small sliver of what is written so I likely will be proven wrong.
All in all, I think the increasing number of short marriages, kids or no kids, is something that the frum community should be concerned with. But I won't be waiting to see the issue on the front page of any popular frum magazines anytime in the near future.
Ariella ponders about the sad and seemingly increasing number of quickly dissolving marriages in the frum community. I personally know a handful of frum people who have been in short marriages (some lasting no more than 3 or 6 months, others lasting in the 3-5 year range) and I have heard of numerous other cases. While all divorce is clouded in mystery, very short marriages, especially of the very young, are even more clouded in mystery.
While the Jewish Observer and other frum publications concern themselves with the "shidduch crisis" where 22 year old girls remain unmarried, I am increasingly concerned about the 22 year old girls who are divorced (sometimes with kids). I have yet to see this addressed in any frum publication, although I only can read a small sliver of what is written so I likely will be proven wrong.
All in all, I think the increasing number of short marriages, kids or no kids, is something that the frum community should be concerned with. But I won't be waiting to see the issue on the front page of any popular frum magazines anytime in the near future.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Shidduchim: Will She Travel?
The topic of courtship has been on my mind since for a time now, but I figured it would be appropriate to visit the topic this week since we were just given the instruction: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife."
I can't think of anything more key to a relationship than the application of this multi-faceted instruction. And, as such, I am disturbed by the increasing number of girls and their mothers who make it known that they will travel to meet potential dates, as well as the increasing number of boys who have no qualms about saying they would like the girl to come visit them.
I understand that in today's competitive shidduch dating world the girls, especially, want to make themselves as attractive to date as possible (especially out-of-town girls who can easily be passed over because they are inconvenient to date). Nevertheless, I don't particularly care for the growing trend.
Call me old-fashioned if you may (you won't be insulting me, I guarantee), but I really think there is something to be said about "courtship," or a young man making a deliberate and concerted effort to seek out the girl, impress her, and win her over.
Lately, I am frustrated by bringing suggestions to young men who don't seem to show any enthusiasm for dating. Sometimes suggestions are met with such a lukewarm response that you wonder what you did to insult them. Sometimes it is clear that a young man is firmly under the thumb of his parents (like on mid-30's guy in a high powered job who could not even give me a "maybe" on a suggestion before consulting his parents). Anyways, the lack of drive sometimes leaves me asking if these young men really want to be married or if they are just going through the motions as expected.
I guess you could say I am becoming increasing impressed by shows of "manliness." For example, approximately a year ago, I received a call from a gentleman I'd never met. He was at an Orthodox singles event and took an interest in a particular young lady. After a number of calls to contacts in my community to seek her out, he was told to call me. While their date did not end in marriage, I was honored to be able to facilitate the shidduch date. This young man was really quite pro-active. It isn't easy putting oneself out there. But, I think it shows a characteristic that bodes well for marriage. But, the fact that I was left impressed by this, doesn't particularly speak well of what is going on in the dating world.
Another friend of ours really took us by surprise. He had been dating a young lady and it really seemed met to be. But, somewhere along the line the relationship sputtered to an end. After a number of months and some changes, he really took the "bull by the horns" and got permission to call her and literally won her back. It was made for TV shidduch dating!
Your comments. . . . .
The topic of courtship has been on my mind since for a time now, but I figured it would be appropriate to visit the topic this week since we were just given the instruction: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife."
I can't think of anything more key to a relationship than the application of this multi-faceted instruction. And, as such, I am disturbed by the increasing number of girls and their mothers who make it known that they will travel to meet potential dates, as well as the increasing number of boys who have no qualms about saying they would like the girl to come visit them.
I understand that in today's competitive shidduch dating world the girls, especially, want to make themselves as attractive to date as possible (especially out-of-town girls who can easily be passed over because they are inconvenient to date). Nevertheless, I don't particularly care for the growing trend.
Call me old-fashioned if you may (you won't be insulting me, I guarantee), but I really think there is something to be said about "courtship," or a young man making a deliberate and concerted effort to seek out the girl, impress her, and win her over.
Lately, I am frustrated by bringing suggestions to young men who don't seem to show any enthusiasm for dating. Sometimes suggestions are met with such a lukewarm response that you wonder what you did to insult them. Sometimes it is clear that a young man is firmly under the thumb of his parents (like on mid-30's guy in a high powered job who could not even give me a "maybe" on a suggestion before consulting his parents). Anyways, the lack of drive sometimes leaves me asking if these young men really want to be married or if they are just going through the motions as expected.
I guess you could say I am becoming increasing impressed by shows of "manliness." For example, approximately a year ago, I received a call from a gentleman I'd never met. He was at an Orthodox singles event and took an interest in a particular young lady. After a number of calls to contacts in my community to seek her out, he was told to call me. While their date did not end in marriage, I was honored to be able to facilitate the shidduch date. This young man was really quite pro-active. It isn't easy putting oneself out there. But, I think it shows a characteristic that bodes well for marriage. But, the fact that I was left impressed by this, doesn't particularly speak well of what is going on in the dating world.
Another friend of ours really took us by surprise. He had been dating a young lady and it really seemed met to be. But, somewhere along the line the relationship sputtered to an end. After a number of months and some changes, he really took the "bull by the horns" and got permission to call her and literally won her back. It was made for TV shidduch dating!
Your comments. . . . .
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Overheard in the Sukkah
Don't worry, I'm really going to be back to blog about subjects of substance (tuition, homemaking, etc, etc, etc). But, in the meantime, I thought I would share the strangest thing said in our sukkah to date.
Shortly following a dvar Torah about the arba minim and different types of Jew, my son screams out (and I quote): "Jews come in every color. . . .There are even white Jews!"
Let's just say that we were left laughing for the next hour and still have no clue what he was talking about. Somehow, I'm guessing it had nothing to do with race.
And speaking of race, not long ago a black technician visited our home. After observing him working, the same child comes up to me and announces that the technician is not Jewish. My heart skipped a beat since I have heard other kids who aren't much older (as well as their parents) speak about non-Jews in a way that we will not tolerate. So, I asked him why he reached such a conclusion. He looks at me and says, "Mommy, he isn't wearing a kippa." Wow, that simple, albeit an erroneous way of determining if a person is a member of the tribe. Later, we decided it would be fun to go to the park. So, he asks me to invite the technician to come with us.
What is the strangest thing your kids (nieces or nephews) have said or done in the sukkah?
Don't worry, I'm really going to be back to blog about subjects of substance (tuition, homemaking, etc, etc, etc). But, in the meantime, I thought I would share the strangest thing said in our sukkah to date.
Shortly following a dvar Torah about the arba minim and different types of Jew, my son screams out (and I quote): "Jews come in every color. . . .There are even white Jews!"
Let's just say that we were left laughing for the next hour and still have no clue what he was talking about. Somehow, I'm guessing it had nothing to do with race.
And speaking of race, not long ago a black technician visited our home. After observing him working, the same child comes up to me and announces that the technician is not Jewish. My heart skipped a beat since I have heard other kids who aren't much older (as well as their parents) speak about non-Jews in a way that we will not tolerate. So, I asked him why he reached such a conclusion. He looks at me and says, "Mommy, he isn't wearing a kippa." Wow, that simple, albeit an erroneous way of determining if a person is a member of the tribe. Later, we decided it would be fun to go to the park. So, he asks me to invite the technician to come with us.
What is the strangest thing your kids (nieces or nephews) have said or done in the sukkah?
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