Economic Terrorism II

I finally got a chance to listen to the entire interview with concert organizer Shaya (Shia?) Mendlowitz and Lipa Schmeltzer. I had to do it in small incriments. Towards the end of the interview with Lipa, he mentions he is going to raise tzedakah money for some of the losses incurred (presumably the losses incurred by others, no himself. . . but he talks so fast, I can't really understand him. The radio host, Zev Breener, basically says "how nice."

Frankly, I don't think it is so "nice." If the show would have gone on (even this one time), no money would have been lost and a real tzedakah would have gained. I would say that the case must be fought out in court, blame must sit at however many numbers of doorsteps in lies at, and those responsible for causing this multi-car pile up should be the only ones paying the debt. And, perhaps if they had a taste of their own medicine, these things wouldn't happen on a regular basis.* Destroying someone else's parnasah because you have an inkling is just unacceptabe.

Now that my memory is expanding beyond the past 2 months, I am reminded of another terrible case of "Frum" Economic Terrorism. Approximately 3-4 years ago, Mashgichim with differences in a mid-west facility ran advertisements in the Jewish Press and elsewhere accusing the Star K and its Rav HaMachshir of lax supervision over the meat company Zalman's (or something else with a Z). There were accusations and defenses. But, the fight didn't last long. Zalman's soon went under, as few resturants and caterers would place orders with this company, as no one wanted to take a kashrut risk (I will admit to being scared to purchase the product) and other hashgachot needed to play it safe.

But, back to the idea of collecting tzedakah for the lastest train wreck. . . If tzedakah collections are taken up, those responsible get off free, tzedakah funds are stripped away from *real* tzedakah causes (the pot does have a limit), and I can't even see how the money given would actually count as tzedakah in a halachic way.

If I have a business and someone vindictively destroys it causing me to breach my own contracts with vendors, why should the community have to be the one to pick up the pieces when there are responsible parties? For more on breached contracts, see MO Chassid's post on the sanctity of contracts. He asks, "Why is inducing breach of contracts made in good faith less of an issur than having a concert? Why is inducing a breach of a contract with gentiles less of a chilul Hashem than putting on a concert? Why is tortuous interference with another man's contract acceptable? Is Choshen Mishpat no longer part of the Shulchan Oruch?"

I have an additional question: Why does Kashrut seemingly always win out over Yashrut? Tzadikim and halacha have always been concerned about the money of individuals and the community. What has happened? And what can we do to put the scale back into balance?

I will be away. Please keep the conversation respectful, yet honest.

Economic Terrorism



There is a very disturbing trend, witnessed in Eretz Yisrael, that seems to have hit the shores here in America recently. You don't have to go back further than the past two months for two examples of what I would only consider economic terrorism: the threats made to a wig store on Coney Island Ave and the cancellation of a concert dubbed "The Big Event."



The wig store story is bad enough. What is purported to have went down with "The Big Event" concert is just downright scary, even if you have little interest in pop Jewish music, don't ever plan to take your kids to a J-Music concert, or prefer a "goyish" philharmonic concerts as I do. Stories of Economic Terrorism in the frum community should concern you greatly.

The short of the long, based on what I can deduce, is that a concert was scheduled for March 9, in Madison Square Garden, featuring two singers, Lipa Schmeltzer and Shlomie Gertner with a charitable beneficiary (Simchat Zion, that makes weddings for orphans). Some Askanim (one by the name of Asher Friedman who reportedly heads a different charitable organization that gives tuition assistance) set out to shut Schmeltzer down and convinced nearly three dozen known rabbonim to sign a Kol Koreh.

All involved in the concert (tickets had already been purchased and advertisers had paid for space in the booklet) where unexpectedly rear ended. Lipa backed out of the concert first. Shortly after, he announced he was doing "teshuva" and turning a new leaf with his music. Next, he backed out of yet another already planned concert in London. Shortly after, the show was completely cancelled. Hundreds of thousands of dollars have been lost to the concert organizer (interviewed here), to say nothing of what was lost to the charitable beneficiary.



The whole thing is a massive train wreck. Down payments were made, services were procured and completed. Money has been lost and more money will have to be found to reimburse advertisers and ticket holders. Judging by the interview of the Concert Organizer linked to above, there is some sort of money that will be made available somehow to even the score. OBVIOUSLY since money doesn't grow from trees, if/when money is raised to reimburse those who lost money, less money will be available for other causes. [I don't have the play-by-play nor do I have time to get the play by play, but Chaim Rubin seems to have most of it].

The Jewish Star interviewed signator Rabbi Shmuel Kaminensky, who says that “[the request for a ban came] from rabbis in Eretz Yisroel. We didn’t want to differ with them," "[The request was] from mouth to ear and everyone went along with them,” "They [presumably the community activists/busy bodies] said was that it was a request from Rav Elyashiv and Rav Steinman. I didn’t confirm that,” and "Usually we meet together. This time, with time pressing, we did not get together. And maybe it was not the right thing.”


Yeshiva World commenters are praising Lipa for listening to Da'as Torah (practically crowing him the next "gadol hador") and praising Rabbi Kaminensky for his 'anivus.' The Concert Organizer is begging everyone not to blame the Rabbis and saying just how helpful they have been. Others are saying the entire Kol Korei was a fake or doesn't make sense (Rabbi Shafran), But, no matter what, there is a lot of damage is done.

I'm glad some can find the positive in all of this because I am REPULSED by what I have read and listen to, and I've only skimmed the surface and have no contacts. Others might be able to find the positive, but I have pieced together an ugly story of deception, sloppiness, and economic terrorism. I am repulsed that mafia men are allowed to run wild terrorizing Rabbonim, businessmen, and musicians, endangering others parnasah. If there is a need for change (and there probably is a need for change), this is clearly NOT the way to bring about change. I am repulsed that these mafia men have the tools to terrorize, and unfortunately the tool of choice is these Rabbonim who seem to be holding a rubber stamp. I am repulsed that Rabbonim appear to be used again and again and have yet to create (or called on others to create) a better system to disseminate information. I am repulsed that Rabbonim take their rubber stamp without doing their own homework. I spent a number of years in auditing and learned that you can't be too trusting, even when the person should be someone trustworthy. You always must do your own homework. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but where is the concern for other people's parnasah? Where is the concern for the community's money?

And what about others who make their parnasah partially or primarily through working with other people in the community. Would you want to go into business in this environment? Fortunately, I'm only an observer living outside of NY and Eretz Yisrael. But who knows when heavy handed economic terrorism will hit other large frum communities (I can think of examples of smaller terrors).

Ultimately, no matter who pays who, you can't "even the score." No matter how you play with the numbers, hundreds of thousands of dollars have been taken from the klal.

(Please do try to keep it civil, even though that IS asking a lot. I will be away from my computer starting tomorrow).

Choosing an Accountant

I like varied projects, and the very, very part time freelancing I do provides me with quite a bit of variety. This week, I met with someone who needed to get his accounting system in order for his small business to have his taxes prepared. He showed me an old return. The others are sitting in the IRS office under audit. After seeing the current return, it was no mystery why he was flagged for audit. It was obvious that the former accountant pulled numbers out of a hat. Worse yet, the accountant didn't even use the correct forms. Nor did he advise this client of 3 years regarding what expenses were deductible and which were not. Unfortunately, this man was under the impression that buying himself a burger from McDonalds while on the job qualified as deduction, since he was self-employed (ouch!). Plus (I kid you not), the form was handwritten. I've worked with a handful of people who have small business and work as consultants and I'm always saddened when previous accountants have never given them proper guidance.

So, here are a few tips if you are choosing an accountant:

1. Software: This might seem obvious as it is 2008, but the accountant you go to for any service should use software. The handwritten return filled out by a CPA is not the 1st return I've seen where software was not used. Another case I saw was a CPA who typed up a 1040 and missed a basic tax credit. One look at the form told me software was not used because software automatically ties up certain loose ends. Another mistake I saw recently, a W-2 with the incorrect amounts paid to social security and medicare. If you are paying for a service, make sure the professional uses software.

2. Garbage In, Garbage Out: I have seen tax returns where no expenses were taken for a contractor. I find it hard to believe there were no expenses. But, I do believe that no personal attention was given. Anyone with self-employment income should be looking for some personal attention because that additional 7.65% in FICA hurts badly. If the accountant can't prep you on record keeping and bookkeeping, you might want to keep looking.

3. Long Term View: There are some accountants out there who I am convinced just want to make sure that the clients pays as little taxes and/or receives as big a refund back so they client will feel good about the work they paid for. But, the idea of being in business is to maximize profit. If a business is growing and the proprietor has cash flow, the proprietor should look for an accountant who is forward thinking. There is nothing worse than seeing equipment expensed to the max in year 1 and nothing left to expense when the tax bill is going through the roof. Of course, a person could always re-file, but if you are paying for a service, you should only have to pay once.

4. Added Value: One of the accounting publications I receive addresses the subject of keeping the client's overall financial picture in mind. An accountant that has more than your refund on his mind, but can help point you towards financial tools that might be of interest to you (Retirement accounts, Coverdells or 529 plans) will prove far more valuable. While it is fair to charge a fee for time, you probably don't want someone who is going to nickel and dime you, like a friend's former accountant.

5. Yashrut: You have probably seen or heard advertisements lately for certain tax services. One ad claims that this company finds a large amount of missed deductions on average for previous forms brought in. One should know that not every mistake is worth fixing and in tax $1000 might not equal $1000. Don't get taken for a ride if an accountant recommends amending a return. If you pay $200 to get back an additional $100, you are now $100 poorer. Know what to ask. In addition, I've unfortunately seen reconciliations, general ledgers, taxes, etc, where it is clear that numbers were pulled out of a hat. Financial professionals are not magicians. If something doesn't seem right, it may not be. And, if you don't recognize a number, ask.

Glut of Single Men and the Cost of Weddings

In my post "A Study in Wedding Takanot Differences," commenter Hesh brought my attention to a most fascinating article in the New York Times about the growing number of single men in Egypt, unable to raise enough funds to get married.

The lack of marriage amongst the youth of Egypt is proving to be destabilizing. Lack of marriage lowers esteem and removes on from attaining independence in a "limbo between childhood and adulthood." Many are turning to extremes in religious practice which is changing the face of Egypt, considering the demographic is so large. According to the article, 60% of Egypt's population is under 25 years of age.

The cost of getting married (per Egyptian custom) is just out of reach: The NYT writes ". . . marriage is so expensive now, the system is collapsing in many communities. Diane Singerman, a professor at American University, said that a 1999 survey found that marriage in Egypt cost about $6,000, 11 times annual household expenditures per capita. Five years later, a study found the price had jumped 25 percent more. In other words, a groom and his father in the poorest segment of society had to save their total income for eight years to afford a wedding, she reported."

Hesh sees the parallels between this mid East community and much of the frum world and asks " how is the frum world different?" He gives three possibilities:
A) Frum people are more willing to go into debt / have more access to borrowed funds
B) Frum people have more economic opportunities, even if some people voluntarily don't take advantage of them
C) Frum people generally become less religious if they can't get married, not more religious.

I see a major parallel to most and/or certain frum circles which is just how how set in stone the expectations of what a wedding must be and just the near impossibility of changing that wedding culture. The US might have a wedding industry, but there is no one wedding culture that basically forbids singles from marrying if the family can't "do it right." In America, one can choose between a cake and punch wedding and an extravaganza, or anything in between. In the Egypt, a minimal wedding is always a relative extravaganza. While I have been to a small handful of minimalist frum weddings, even those deemed "modest" are still far beyond minimalist.

Take a look at this fascinating article and leave your comments.

Yippee!!

Our taxes are done! Our taxes are done! Many, many pages of taxes are ready to be mailed (it was a year of many details). It could have been printed and signed sooner, but a certain bank was 23 days behind me, after being granted an extension on releasing earnings statement by the IRS.

My husband asked me about 20 questions and has signed on the dotted line. I have explained and tied every number on every schedule and every worksheet to the 1040 and State form satisfactorily. All supporting evidence is sitting in the file cabinet safe and sound.

The year's year interesting tax note: We owed less federal tax (excluding employment taxes) than we owed in state tax to the People's Republic (the nickname our state of residence deserves). That will probably change next year. I'm hoping the impending change will be unrelated to the election. But, with an election ahead, I can see both bills going through the roof r"l.

Another note: Our total tax bill (federal, state, and employment taxes) was approximately equal to ONE single high school Yeshiva tuition. Considering we spent 20% of the year working to pay these taxes, I think this is a scary commentary.

But, I'm in a good mood. So, I'm just sharing my joy.

Gambling for School Age Children

Hope I caught your attention! This week's Yated features some responses to last week's Chinuch Roundtable. Unfortunately the email version of the Yated does not include the Chinuch Roundtable, so I'm working off the Readers Write section.

As my regular readers know, I have little interest in elaborate reward systems for children and have many doubts about their long term effectiveness or propriety. There is academic literature to the same effect and any reward system used should be used sparingly in my opinion.

It seems that a number of mechanchim have established a system of rewards where those with tickets must gamble for prizes via a Chinese Auction. I'm afraid that on of my local schools will be doing this, if they haven't started already. Some parents have already told me the rewards system is too over the top for them. But, we aren't attending that school. So, it isn't my personal battle, at least not presently.

My regular readers also know that I am no cheerleader of for current, very popular, fundraising method amongst adults. But, I find it outrageous to be introducing gambling (and that is what a Chinese Auction is plain and simple) into schools, making gambling seem exciting and acceptable. Of course, the kids who worked hard and gambled their tickets away for no return, will hopefully be turned off by gambling (the impetus for the Chinuch Roundtable question I believe). But, those who win will probably be excited by gambling, and that isn't a lesson I expect schools to be teaching children.

In the last post I asked if Financial Education for school children is something we should asking our schools to implement. I voted Nay because I just don't trust that what could be taught will mesh what I would like taught and will actively be teaching. Giving children an option to gamble their tickets away as a "reward" is more evidence that our schools just aren't ready to introduce personal finance into the classroom.

If you seek being active in the chinuch your children are receiving, a review of the rewards system and a letter writing campaign where inappropriate would certainly be in order. I know friends of mine (whose children go to school/attend events where big rewards are used) are concerned that reward system is a negative, creating little negotiators, entitlement, and larger than live expectations. So, I'm sure any parent that decides to be the squeaky wheel will be much appreciated.

Yeah or Nay? Financial Education in Orthodox Schools

There is an idea I've seen floated in various frum publications, at various blogs, and in the comments section of this blog that financial education should become a standard part of the curriculum in Orthodox Schools. ProfK, in the spirit of activism has asked her readers to "Send a note to your high school and tell them that you believe that a course in practical living is essential. Tell them you would have liked such a course and that you really needed such a course. Tell them that many shalom bayis problems center around money, and that a course in high school might cut these problems way down. Lay out some of the general areas that such a course should cover, like budgeting and what the real costs of living on credit are."

The trend follows that of the general public as more and more middle schools and high schools across the nation are introducing courses in personal finance into the curriculum. I believe most high school students in the US have always taken a course in Economics, micro and macro, but this type of course is centered around supply and demand graphs, not 1040's, budgets, credit, and financial tools. At my high school, Economics was a high school graduation requirement. Seeing some of the ridiculous complaint letters in the Yated regarding the price of camp and the price of pizza, I think an academic economics course would be a fine addition into an Orthodox Yeshiva/Day School education. Supply and demand theories, the drive for profit, etc, shouldn't be a mystery to the yeshivish consumer. I do not believe any of the local schools where I live offer a course in economics. I'd say that is a shame.

But back to the subject at hand, teaching personal finance in Day Schools, Yeshivas, and Bais Yaakovs. Yeah or Nay?

The arguments for yeah are obvious. Learning how to handle money (and the relevant halachot) is essentially for daily living. Not knowing the basics can lead to serious shalom bayit problems. I know of people who have gotten in over their head tax wise because of mistakes when filling out a W-4, or because they didn't know they were responsible for their own taxes as contractors. I certainly do not want my children to walk out of my own house without knowing some halachic basics, some tax basics, some budgeting basics, some savings basics, some investing basics, and some smart shopping basics. But, I have no fear they will leave my house ignorant because we make it a regular point to speak about choices. And as they get older we will start to involve them in banking and tax preparation.

But, as most of us have learned, running a fiscally sound home is really far less a function of knowledge and far more a function of BEHAVIOR. I can reconcile accounts, calculate amortization schedules, and engage in tax planning and savings (marginal tax rates, retirement, Coverdell IRAs, 529 Plans, depreciation schedules, stock options, 1031 exchanges, etc). I know how to invest in mutual funds, stocks, and bonds. But, ultimately, if I can't DISCIPLINE myself, my knowledge is only theoretical, and the unsavvy grandma who just puts her cash "under the matress" is going to live better when that rainy day comes. And, it will come.

Like I mentioned before, personal finance was *not* a feature of my own high school education. But, there is a moment that sticks out in my mind which makes me weary of allowing any teacher (or at least a teacher I haven't grilled to the bone and run a credit report on) to take over teaching about personal finance on my parental buck.

One day during a discussion about debt financing and the economy during my high school Economics class, the teacher veered off into the area of household finances. He mentioned that the guys would probably debt finance a big ticket item in the near future (we were seniors). The example he named was not a home, not a college education, not a first car. .. . . . .but an engagement ring (!). He had no problem with this rather expensive proposal, and seemed to consider this type of debt financing as a "reality" of life (note: outside of the frum world, gifts are generally regarded as the responsibility of the couple, not the parents).

I raised my hand, absolutely repulsed by the idea that a young man (future husband and father) would finance a ring, get married with the debt, and then stick the bill (now a shared responsibility) with his new wife, basically asking her to pay for her own ring! I raised my hand and said: "I'm sure as heck not going to pay for my own engagement ring. If he can't pay cash for a gift, he needs to buy something less expensive or not buy it at all. And, any guy who would surprise his wife with a proposal on credit, would be a surprise of him own." An entire argument ensued in class. The girls tended towards my sentiments. The guys were more evenly split.

My example should be demonstrative of what might happen if we left the teaching of personal finance in the hands of a school: an endorsement of an idea that we as parents might find really repulsive, ideas we would rather our children not internalize as "normal." Even if the curriculum is acceptable, discussion will ensue and personal opinions will be introduced and great weight could wrongly be placed on those unsound opinions; perhaps the idea that Retirement is Goyish, or that your parents want to give you soooooo much and will be more than happy to help you after marriage/if you get into debt/need babysitting, or that there is a mesorah for a chatan to get a watch upon engagement and naturally a young chatan should expect one, or that women dedicating themselves at least temporarily to homemaking is financially impossible, or that "everyone" uses credit--the idea my high school econ teacher was promoting. . . . and he was a good teacher when he stuck to supply and demand graphs).

And, unless a school were to start a personnel hunt for just the right personal finance teacher, I imagine that the teachers that you will get are the teachers you see in front of you right now. They might be great at teaching their subject, but is this a subject you want them to teach too? In some (but not all) cases, that would be enough to ask for a dispensation for my children, as this is a subject I'm more than happy to continue homeschooling.

I think we all know that the state of personal and communal finance isn't very rosy. I vote nay, at least until the state of personal and communal finance in the frum community changes enough that I am more trusting or those who could be teaching the subject and building the curriculum.

You have the potential to be your child's best personal finance teacher, so jump on the opportunities you find.

Retirement Revisited: Un-Jewish by Necessity

ProfK, my newest favorite blogger on the block, offers a perspective informed by maturity that is needed in the Orthonomic discussions. Months ago I wrote a post, Retirment: Goyish or Jewish?, which generated a fair amount of healthy discussion.

Prof K offers her own perspective and I think she is right on the money! The idea that retirement is "un-Jewish" is not an idea being floated by the older generations, it is an idea that is being floated by the younger generations our educational institutions and communal organizations. Why? Simple. They know from where the gravy flows are shaking in their boots that the gravy train could pull into station.

A scary, but true fact she brings forward is that many grandparents are broke, passing away with debt (no yerusha). No mystery to the budgeting experts. It just is impossible to pay for (or pitch in for) the major expenses of each family. And, yet, tuition assistance forms now insist on grandparents being asked before the school. I've been reading more and more in general publications about young families on their own two feet scared by their own parents financial habits and if/whether they should be planning a contingency plan for if/when their own parents go belly up. This subject, which I believe could also be of interest to frum families, takes on a different angle if the parents have been providing money for tuition, contributing to debt issues.

Another related discussion is the highly valuable services being provided by parents or expected to be provided by young people. A quote from ProfK's post:

One woman, older then I am, spoke many years ago about the things she and her husband would do when they retired. She doesn't speak of retirement any more. As she put it "Sure, my kids can't wait for me to retire. That way they won't have to pay a baby sitter any more if the wife is working. I can rotate going between all their houses, watching the kids, cleaning up, doing the laundry and the shopping and all the other things they are "too busy" to do. No thanks."

This is another discussion on the topic of dependence that needs to be addressed, and I hope to open up a forum for it very soon. In the meantime, head on over to ProfK's blog. If you like good blog reading, that is a place to find it.

A Study in Wedding Takanot Differences

In 2002, the Agudah released a set of simcha guidelines, which continue to be posted b'kitzur in each Jewish Observer. The published guidelines, which have been more or less ignored at least from my perspective, include the follwing recomendations:

• The Vort: Discontinue the vort. The L'chaim held at the time an engagement is announced, should not turn into a Vort. I'm curious how engagement parties became such regular affairs in Orthodox circles. Honestly, I don't really see much purpose in such affairs, but I've already said my piece here.
• The Wedding: Typical families may only seat up to 400 invited guests at the seudah. The kabbolat panim smorgasbord should be limited to basic cakes, fruit platters, a modest buggest, and the caterer's standard chicken or meat hot dishes. The seuda menu is limited to three coures plus a regular dessert. No Viennese table. No bar.
• The Music: A band should consist of a maximum of 5 musicians or four plus vocalist. Recommended: a one man band.
• Flowers and Chupa Decor: Total cost should not exceed $1,800.
• Recommendations: The full text of the simcha guidelines included far more recommendations, including recommending against the nearly universal, practice of matching/coordinating gowns for siblings of the chatan and kallah, as well as "overgifting" during the engagement.

In June of 2007, I wrote a post "Fur Roadblocks." It dealt with trying to change the wedding culture in Satmar from the bochurim up. Recently, the Jewish Press Machberes is reporting on the new Satmar Wedding Takanos (see here, 12/27/07 and here, 1/23/08). As reported, many families are falling into debt over these weddings, and borrowing money they will never be able to pay back.

Much of the Takana deals with organizational aspects of the wedding. Who can attend what events? What time each aspect of the wedding must conclude by? If you aren't Satmar, the details aren't particularly relevant. But, the gift giving details are rather interesting. Parred down parred down from previous expectations, it still sets a high standard imo. Imagine raising 10 children and doing this 10 times over!

• What The Kallah Receives Under the New Rules ("Only four pieces of jewlery are to be given"): Watch, Pearl Necklace, Earrings, Cubic Zircona Engagement Ring (no diamond) to be given first or second Shabbos after engagement.
• What the Kallah Could Receive: Machzor, Tzenah Ur’enah, Siddur, Kerchief and apron (white silk, ceremonial for lighting Shabbos and Yom Tov candles.)
• What the Chassan receives under the New Rules: A watch, A Shas, Kiddush Cup, Menorah, Tallis, Tallis and tefillin bag, Kittel.
• For the Couple: Candelabra (if not purchased by other relatives should be purchased jointly by both sets of parents), Shtreimel costing no more than $1,200 (purchased by the parents of the chassan), Sheitel or head covering (purchased by the parents of the kallah).

What is interesting to me is the difference in the style of the takanot. This is a fascinating case study in differences between communities. The Agudah guidelines do read much more as what an Orthodox wedding should look like at its height (the ceiling). While still allowing for a considerable amount of wiggle room, both a relatively fancy wedding and a very simple wedding (the ceiling and the floor) are proper, as they both fit under the umbrella of this takana. If two sets of parents were to agree to abide by the guidelines, there is still a lot left for discussion and negotiation. But, all those who adhere to the takana, from the floor to the ceiling, can say they made a wedding that met the guidelines.

The Satmar Takana, one the other hand, reads as "benchmarks," with little room for flexibility*. While many parents I'm sure will be saved a near heart attack from the old standards, those without means are still going to have to break the bank by thousands of dollars (times x number children) to pay for the required list of gifts alone. I certainly can't imagine one set of parents going in to tell their new mechutanim why the future SIL/DIL is not going to receive a menorah, pearl necklace, or watch when the standards are laid out so clearly (although there is still room to push the envelope). So, rather than creating an umbrella to huddle under, it appears Satmar adherents will have to walk on a balance beam to meet the benchmarks, not stepping to far to the right or the left.

Nevertheless, I wish all communities that are trying to fight the conspicuous consumption surrounding smachot, weddings in particular, hatzlacha in their efforts. I just with the accumulating efforts would start to speed up.

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Imamother Chassidish participant writes vis a vis flexibility (edited): ". . . .these takonos are so important. In our sect there is no such a thing as a backyard chasunah, Balloons instead of flowers and buffet style instead of a full meal. Everyone has the exact same type of chasuna whether you have the money or not. The same goes to jewelry. There is no such a thing that a girl should get less then a 1ct diamond ring, Bracelet, pearls, watch, earring etc.. Really the ideal would be you have the money you make a big fancy chansunah spend what you want and if you dont you dont make a big chasunah this is what our grandparents did inderheim. There was nothing embarrasing about it. But I am looking forward to see how it plays out. . . . . ."

Job Satisfaction, Not Just the Pay


Marvin Schick has a article up on his website "The World of Jewish Day Schools," about the low salaries paid to teachers (both kodesh and chol) and the difficulties that yeshiva schools in particular have in attracting qualified competent teachers. He points out that general studies were once taught by public school teachers who moonlighted. But, the pay offered are no longer attractive. He also points out that Orthodox women are less interested in working in education, low pay being a primary reason.

I would like to put forward another reason that it is hard to attract, and perhaps more importantly to retain teachers (both fulltime and part time): student behavior. To put it lightly, it can leave a lot to be desired.

Over the years I have met both Jewish and non-Jewish teachers who have given teaching a try in Orthodox schools and who express misgivings based on student behavior and will not return. I know a handful of frum public school teachers that work in public schools in some of the roughest areas who have told me that their public school students show them far more respect. I know of another frum school that lost around 6 general studies teachers in a single year. They got up and quit mid-year. I was acquainted with one non-Jewish teacher who left a frum school through another avenue and she told me the behavior was the sticking point (not the pay).

On the other hand, I know many talented teachers in Orthodox schools who most certainly could take higher paying jobs in public schools, yet they enjoy their jobs and are happy to pass on greater salary potential for the non-monetary benefits they receive.

Job satisfaction is something that cannot be valued in monetary terms. But, if schools are having a hard time attracting and retaining teachers, perhaps instead of looking at only the monetary issues, it is time to look at the bigger picture, of which monetary compensation is only one piece of the puzzle.

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A practical suggestion: Conduct exit interviews with all staff (from subs to permanent staff, from the janitor to the principal): Why are they leaving? What would entice them to stay? If they were dissatisfied with their experience, what were the causes of dissatisfaction? (Not enough support from administration, too little/too much guidance, student behavior, scheduling issues, monetary issues, etc).

Parental Time as a Reward?

I am a fan of Rabbi Horowitz and appreciate his timely columns, practical advice, and willingness to look at controversial issues. However, I was saddened to see this advice on rewards/incentives given in a recent column on appropriate ways to reward children:

"It is important to keep in mind that rewards and incentives need not be financial in nature. For your children, your time and attention is often a far more valuable commodity than money. In fact, a friend of mine offers an hour of his time as an incentive program for his kids. Each child who earns a number of points over weeks or months for contentious attention to schoolwork/homework, or for completing chores at home gets an hour to spend with him – and he/she gets to decide how that time will be spent."

There are some things in life that I believe should be given freely. Giving time to your children is one such thing. Using time as a currency is so mind-boggling to me that I find myself with a distaste in my mouth and without the words to explain the distaste. Our children need us, even when they (say they) don't or appear not to need us. Children should not have to earn time with us. Rather, we should be 'forcing' it upon them so to speak.

Once again, I will recommend a book called Hold on To Your Kids which looks at the importance of parental attachments over peer attachments. I wouldn't rate the book as an exciting read, but it is definitely a worthwhile read. Somehow, denying a child time (the flip side of the reward coin, especially if/when other siblings are "earning" that time), seems to me like an excericse in cutting off your nose to spite your face.

So readers, if you use rewards/incentive (my regular readers know I'm not a regular chart keeper, reward giver-everything in moderation as it is said), do you vote yeah or nay? I vote Nay. I don't make my children earn their dinner, nor will I make them earn my time. They are getting it whether they want it or not.

Financial Infidelity II: Gambling

The letter that follow is from this week's Yated Letter to the Editor. This letter fits well into the "Our Finances" series (I and II) and adds to the previous topic "Financial Infidelity" and well as the "Get-Rich-Quick" mentality discussed recently. It isn't the more positive post I was looking to post, but that will have to wait. My comments in orange.

THE GAMBLING CRISIS [Gambling in frum circles deserves a "crisis" label imo].

Dear Editor,

I would like to begin by thanking Rabbi Pinchos Lipschutz and the Yated for the wonderful job done on a weekly basis. The divrei Torah and up-to-date news that the Yated provides to Klal Yisroel is a tremendous kiddush Hashem. Of course, like so many others, I especially look forward to the interesting letters in the Readers Write section. I have decided to write this letter to make the public aware of a problem that is affecting us in the frum community, and I hope you publish it. I have been reading the letters about the shidduchim crisis and money issues, which I wholeheartedly agree are matters that should be discussed in public. This issue that I am writing about is not mentioned in our circles at all and I think it is a growing problem in our community. Parents, wives and mechanchim should know about this issue, which can rip apart families and destroy lives. The issue I am writing about is gambling.

The Gemara says in Maseches Sanhedrin (24a) that a person who is a mesacheik b’kuvya - who bets on pigeons (one who gambles) - is posul for eidus. There is a machlokes as to the reason that this is so. The Gemara discusses whether it is because if you gamble, you are not really letting the other person take the money, and if you win, it’s like stealing, or because since you don’t have a real job, you might take a bribe to say false testimony. Whatever the reason is, it is definitely something that the Torah does not allow (creates distasteful character traits too). What makes gambling such a problem (and anyone who has been involved with it can attest to this) is that like drugs and alcohol, it is very addictive. Whether it’s because of the thrill of winning or the dream of becoming instantly rich, it can make someone obsessed with playing “just one more hand.” There are many types of gambling. There is gambling on Chanukah, where a spin of a dreidel in a ninth-grade class can go for $10 (parents should be outraged if schools allow money, as opposed to candies, to be used in school for Chanukah. . . . I know I would be), or where a quick office game of kvitlach can lose your husband a week’s paycheck in a matter of minutes! (Not mentioned is Chinese Auctions, which I discuss here. My readers know I'm no fan of this popular fundraising method and I wonder if the "gateway" to other types of gambling can start innocently through giving).

Then you have lottery tickets, which can be purchased by a 16-year-old boy using his bar mitzvah money or weekly allowance. (I have yet to discuss "Their money" in much details on this blog, with the exception of this post, but I do think parents must hold their children to an agreement of what is and what isn't an appropriate expenditure with "their money," i.e. the money that have to spend while food, shelter, and education are being provided for them. Money for lotto tickets would not be one of those appropriate expenditures).

The greatest addiction for most men involved in gambling is the game of poker. It has become extremely popular since the turn of the century, with millions getting hooked. There are many places to play, some that are legal, some that are not. There are also online poker sites (they are illegal in the United States, but the owners are very smart and base them out of other countries), where one can play and lose lots of cash from the comfort of one’s own home and with the click of a mouse! The options are endless. It’s an addiction that has caused many people their friendships, their jobs, and, chas v’shalom, their marriages.

I know of cases where wives think their husbands are at work or elsewhere, when they are really wasting their precious time and money playing poker (I have read cases of female "financial infidelity" involving gambling also. But, I think that in general, gambling, would top the list of expenditures a husband does not want his wife to find about, just as designer clothing a wife didn't need would top the list of expenditures a wife doesn't want her husband to find out about).

I know of a few instances where boys have gone into their marriages with thousands of dollars of debt because of gambling and credit card bills. It is hard enough financially for most young couples; starting off in debt and having a gambling problem surely doesn’t help. (Next topic on my list: Should singles ask for a credit report in addition to the Dor Yesharim number?)

I am writing this letter to help publicize this growing issue in the frum world. If you know of someone with this terrible addiction or suspect someone of having it, help them. Rabbeim, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, family members and friends, please help out those who need it.

We have to keep an eye on this growing problem.

May Hashem help us in overcoming any problems or addictions that might be prevalent.

Dice K.Flatbush, Brooklyn

Financial Infidelity

Sometimes blogging material just falls in my lap. Today in the car I caught the following radio spot, narrated by Donald Trump. Normally I wouldn't bring Donald Trump into my blog, but it fits right into the "Our Finances" series, so I had to share it (fortunately, I was able to find the transcript online). Mr. Trump's voice on his radio spot adds a lot, but I can't upload the voice.

"Sure, you’ve heard about normal infidelity, but what about financial infidelity? That’s when women hide their spending from their spouses. [I'd say that is when one spouse, any spouse, hides pertinent information from the others. . . .but, for some reason Mr. Trump decided to focus on the women].

According to several recent stories I’ve read, women are likely to buy expensive designer items with cash. That way, it’s easier to hide their spending from their husband or boyfriend.

In fact, it gets so serious sometimes that more than 80 percent of American women go so far as to actually hide department store shopping bags from their men so they don’t even suspect they were out buying things.

Some people say it’s only fair. Lots of guys cheat in the bedroom, so what if lots of women cheat at the mall?

I say cheating is cheating, whatever kind it is. Sooner or later, you’re going to get caught so decide whether the thrill is worth the price you’ll pay in the end."

Donald Trump focuses on the women in his radio spot. We know that men hide a lot of financial information from their wives also. Either way, it is a form of infidelity and undermines the marriage.

From a halachic standpoint, "Financial Infidelity," involves many issurim. The Ben Ish Hai addresses the issue of a wife's responsiblity to guard the husband's assets in his sefer for women. Unfortunately, "Financial Infidelity" is a problem amongst the am yisrael, as it is amongst the general public.

I think a smart rule of thumb to follow is that if you feel uncomfortable telling your spouse about a purchase, investment, or business scheme, you shouldn't be buying, investing, or engaging in it until the issue is hashed out. I am a believer that trust is probably the most important element in a healthy marriage. Without trust, the foundation is cracked.

Short and sweet. Up next, advice for singles.

Our Finances: Welcome to the 21st Century

In my first post in the developing "Our Finances" series, I used two threads on the Imamother Chat Board as a starting points. My written piece, in which I stated the necessity of both spouses being aware of the basic details of their household's finances, was posted on the Imamother chat board by a participant. Soon a participant asked exactly made my opinion profesional and why I needed to denigrate the traditional approach. It is actually rather humorous that my opinion was questioned for its professionality since the beginning of my written piece points to professional experience and since many of the women on the site seem to have no problem asking and receiving advice (much of it ranging from bad to terrible advice) from lay people on matters like investing in rental properties, buying life insurance, or selling a home to get out of debt.

Unfortunately, when I address the dangers of not having a clue about household finances, I'm not just talking out my blog. What I write about is based on real life work experience, fielding questions, and reading a lot of personal finance articles. I don't normally feel the need to defend my every opinion and am open to other perspectives, but in this case I feel very strongly that in today's world, yesterday's method of household finances (i.e. keeping one person in the dark, normally the wife) when combined with the yetzer hara, or communication issues, is fraught with danger. I've seen the damage that can be done, I've read about the danger that has been done, and therefore I feel the need to use my soapbox to open up the discussion.

Imamother participant Motek seems to think shalom bayit can be improved when one spouse sees their way out of the finances if it is causing arguments (the idea that resignation is a sign of a healthy marriage deserves a whole post of its own) and she writes that tradition falls out on the side of letting the husband/provider take care of everything. Another poster writes there is no "wrong or right way. . . . as long as it keeps peace in the home."

Motek also brings "daas Torah," writing ". . . . .Rabbi Y. Zweig of Florida . . . said that his grandmother was given a weekly allowance by his grandfather and she knew nothing about his business. He gave her the allowance when things were going well for him and also when they were not, and she was none the wiser. She was a happy, secure woman. Her husband provided."

I am sure the "husband knows best" approach worked, at least somewhat, for Jews and non-Jews alike 50 years ago. I am NOT here to denigrate families (especially families of talmidei chachanim) who lived by this approach. But, I sure wouldn't recommend it today.

Times have changed drastically. Besides the fact that the workplace is flooded with working women, there have been other significant changes. Probably the biggest change in the world of finances is the liberal extension of credit. The availability and ease of getting and using credit was unheard of, even 25 years ago. Today, people can take money out of their homes using a HELOC with the push of a button at the ATM. Another change is mobility, especially virtual mobility. One doesn't even have to leave their home to shop as it can be done from the convience of their own computer with the click of the mouse. And what about gambling (which includes playing the stock market) without anyone ever knowing or seeing you? Another significant change is the proliferation of credit cards and the death of the Mom and Pop store. While credit is still extended at many kosher grocery stores, one need not approach a store owner/manager for a personal loan when they don't have the funds, .

Unfortunately, many spouses are "none the wiser." I hate to bring up the subject of fraud again, but we have many, many, many frum men sitting in jail today (soon to be joined by other, r"l) because they were involved in shady business deals, schemes, and other "victimless" crimes. While I'm convinced some of the wives were perfectly aware that their husband's were engaged in illegal acts and knew that their household could face disaster should the crimes be discovered, I am equally convinced that some wives were sideswiped when their husbands were arrested and convicted. Being "none the wiser" while their husband "provided" certainly doesn't lend credence to the saying "ignorance is bliss."

But, I hate being alarmist. So, let's take a step away from high profile cases and talk about things that could be happening to a person in your neighborhood. I just completed reading a book called Green with Envy: Why Keeping up with the Jonses is Keeping us in Debt, by Shira Boss. The book practically jumped off the library shelf into my bag and it was a worthwhile quick read. In one story, a husband who married right out of high school, but managed to climb up the ladder despite his humble background and lack of higher education end up living "behind the gates," surrounded by Joneses. The family started spending more than they ever spent on country club memberships, Disneyworld annual passes, matching clothing for the kids, high end vacations, cars, home improvements, cleaning help (the neighbors 'convinced' them it was a necessity even though they never knew anyone before with such help), and more. The wife always took care of the finances, and the husband didn't concern himself too much, that was until they cashed out his last stock options. He knew things couldn't be good, but "everyone else was managing" and his wife couldn't seem to give him any hard numbers (a common problem I will hopefully get around to addressing in a post soon). The wife, herself, never actually ran tallies and didn't know the debt totals. In the end, he had to order their credit reports online and had to smell the coffee as they had $100,000 in credit card debt alone, this in addition to the HELOC. A long story short, this high income family ended up bankrupting and can no longer live the way they used to. Here you have an all too common problem of too much credit and too little information in the hands of too few.

I have another friend who was also "none the wiser" about their financial foundation, until her divorce that is. They didn't argue about money. She had seen her way out. She knew her husband had debts, but didn't get involved. . . . until she had no choice. He had borrowed every penny of equity in the house and lost most of it in the stock market. She had made, what would have been a very nice decision to stay home and raise her baby, but nearly ended up facing financial ruin when she found out there was no money in their home and she had no real finances of her own. Baruch Hashem her family came through in a pinch and she is establishing a future for herself now. Divorce or no divorce, she would have been thrown out to the working world eventually because at some point the husband wouldn't have been able to provide.

More to come iy"h, next time on a more positive note I hope.