Guest Post from a Real Live Homeschooling Parent

Thank you to R. Daniel Aldrich who kindly put together a fantastic guest post on the subject of homeschooling, a subject that has come up nearly everytime tuition is addressed on this and on other blogs. I welcome guest posts. If you have a subject you would like to write about, feel free to contact me.

Orthonomics Guest Post: Homeschooling
Daniel P. Aldrich

The topic of homeschooling is a touchy one for Orthodox Jews. School-based chinuch is such a historical and critical Jewish tradition that the idea of parents pulling their children out of the well-traveled standard school system to somehow pass along our precious mesorah sounds somewhat sacrilegious -- many observers must imagine that such parents couldn't really "make it" in the "normal" system. After all, most of us living in Golus pay $10,000 a year or so per child to send our children to our local cheder / day school / yeshiva to be trained as Jews, and we find it hard to believe that we could educate our children for a lot less. Moreover, professional educators are often suspicious of the idea that untrained parents could somehow do as well or better (since my parnassah comes from being a university professor, I admit I can fall victim to such sentiments myself). Another point that is often raised is that homeschoolers cannot provide the excellent mussar and middos training that our Jewish schools are so famous for, and those homeschooled kids receive none of the socialization that our schools are providing. Finally, and most obviously: which families have the time and patience to homeschool their kids?

Or maybe we're wrong. For those of who imagine that homeschoolers have gone off the path established by Jewish history, let's take a closer look at the introduction of schools as described in the Oral Torah. Our avos and imahos only began mass-schooling, i.e. having 20-40 children in one class as an adult tries to engage them, with the coming of the takana of R' Yehoshua ben Gamla as described in Maseches Bava Basra 21a. It is well known that our rabbanim, including Rabbi Yitzchok Hutner, zt'l, have lamented the fact that individual parents - fathers, more specifically - no longer are able to fulfill their obligations in transmitting our Torah. It is clear that until some sort of societal breakdown- perhaps one result of the brutal Roman occupations of Israel - the Jewish tradition was not passed along bygroups, but instead by parents. Only once we collectively lost the ability to work individually with our children – perhaps because of so disrupted families and war orphans - did we turn establish mechanchim and morahs as our shluchim. So it can be argued that homeschooling, not mass schooling, that is the ideal and historical derech for us. To put it in halachic terms, mass schooling is b'dieved, and homeschooling is l'hatchila.

Next, is it possible that homeschooling parents can possibly compete with teachers? One might assume that homeschoolers are not doing as well on at least the three "R"s. This assumption, however, proves to be incorrect. Most large-scale studies of standardized test scores across the North American population show that homeschooled kids do better - around 30 percentage points better - than average. Of course, one explanation is that homeschooling parents have passed along their intellectual genes totheir children, so that no matter where the kids went, they'd do well. (That would just reinforce the argument that these parents, with their higher than average intelligences, are making better choices inseeking to individualize the training for their children, rather than blindly following their peers by putting their children into schools where they may be bored. And, not to drive home the point too finely,but the results from the 1999 National Household Education Surveys (NHES) show that home schooling parents tend to have more education than those that don't home school. ) Or, you could argue that thesechildren score better in areas like math, writing, and reading because they have more one-on-one instruction, which is also pretty obvious. Which is to say, if we are educate each child according to his or her way ('Chanoch l'naar al pi darko') as Mishlei 22:6 instructs us, we must know the child's learning approach and possess the time to alter our teaching style to match it. Once you have 30 children in a class, your time is spent in discipline and teaching to the middle, not establishing 30 different tracks of communicating the lesson. Disagree? Please visit your child's classroom to see if the one teacher there has time to adjust his or her lesson for each child. Even the best trained, highest motivated, and most eager teachers simply lack the time to do this.

Either way, home schooled kids come out being able to read, compute, and write at least as well, if not better, than their counterparts in mass schools.

Another common argument tossed off by opponents is that homeschooling doesn't give our children socialization and mussar, as they get in school. However, in our personal discussions with parents who dislike the idea of homeschooling, the most common argument that they raise, bizarrely enough, is that "events" like bullying, peer pressure (to do things like smoke, drink until passing out on Simchas Torah and Purim, etc.), and negative interactions with teachers who don't get along with our children provide "learning opportunities" in mass-schools that homeschooled children miss out on. This seems to bethe "encountering unpleasant things makes you into better people" approach that stereotyped the basic training of the U.S. military. If we really believe this, then mosdos chinuch should bring skinheads andmissionaries into the schools to provide such challenges to the children - because that is really best for them! I think we all really want our children to receive personalized attention and a supportive environment - so bullies and unpleasantness are not part of the standard curriculum. The broader canard of "socialization" has been destroyed time after time in studies by scholars beginning more than twenty decades ago with the research done by Gustaven (1981), Ray (1990), Shyers (1992) and Stough (1992). You can find these academic studies and read them for yourself (see the source list at the end of this post).

Even when the homeschooling is done, as the name suggests, at home, the children have a major outlet of social interaction in the form of extracurricular activities. Most parents who take the time to homeschool their children think about which activities – whether sports, arts and crafts, or extracurricular group learning trips - will be best for their children. After all, such parents home school precisely because they want to be able to better match their childrens' needs, and parents recognize that academic skills need tobe rounded out by social ones. (One homeschooling mom joked with me that if she really did all of the activities that she could, she wouldn't have time to get the academics underway.)

We've found that most of the classic arguments against homeschooling simply don't hold water, and we believe that the main opposition parents have to homeschooling really boils down to the following issues: most of us don't homeschool because we don't have the time or energy or ability, or think that it would damage our kids or perhaps our reputation in the frum community. If both parents are working out of the home full time, mass schooling is a logical thing to do. Well, perhaps not. If you calculate taxes from the second income, nanny and day care fees, day school tuition, and so on, having one parent stay home full time to homeschool may in fact be financially advisable.

Many of us are probably concerned about what our community might think of us if we didn't put our kids into the local school; I had this discussion with a family in Lakewood that wanted to homeschool their kids because the schools there did not meet their expectations, but they ended up not doing so out of fear of social repercussions. Another family in a Midwestern community told us of the pained looks and strained conversations they have had once they took their daughters out of the local schools to educate them at home. Our community certainly stigmatizes a number of things, and not sending our kids into the "standard" schools might indeed be on that long list.

Alternatively, there are those of us who can handle the social pressures but are worried that we're not "up to it." As one of my chaverim pointed out, parents may not trust themselves to be able to pass along their yiddishkeit. This can be particularly true of BTs, but FFB can have this worry as well. One such refrain could be, "I'm such a b’dieved Jew, and don't even come to the ankles of the mechanchim who are steeped in Torah, let alone the menahel/Rosh Yeshiva. Surely, the less I am mashpiah to my own kids, the better." It is certainly true that as individuals we have less yichus and perhaps even less training than our hard-working teachers. But at the end of the day, who knows our children’s needs better? And who is motivated to ensure that those needs are met? And, think back to the period of time when there were no public schools – even then, generations upon generations of fine Jewish children were raised solely by their families. (For readers interested in Rav Desslers’ thoughts on the concept that most yeshivish schools seek to produce gadolim even at the cost of those [many] students who do not benefit from such an educational approach, see the ongoing discussion at Da’as Torah http://daattorah.blogspot.com/2008/10/r-dessler-produce-gedolim-even-if-most.html ) For parents worried about their personal chesronos, tremendous resources are readily available to back them up and support them in their drive to home school. Resources include the hundreds of lesson plans, worksheets, and curricula at Torah u'Mesorah's Chinuch.org, MorahMoriah.com, as well as virtual support groups from various on-line list servers including Chevra and JewishOrthodoxandHomeSchooling on Yahoo Groups. You don't need to be a professional educator or recreate the educational wheel to be able to work with fantastic and creative materials; with the generosity of these mechanchim and community members all of us can develop our children’s potential.

A final concern from parents who are considering homeschooling is that a lot of the social "glue" in the frum world comes from Jewish geography in which we compare common experiences - schools, camps, yeshivas, neighborhoods – to figure out what we have in common. Are we denying our children normalcy by not enrolling them in a cheder or yeshiva? One simple solution is to ensure that you regularly access,if not live in, a strong frum community where you and your children participate in chagim, shiurim, and events such as Bnos, Pirchei, Father and Son Learning, etc. Another approach – for those with the resources – would involve regular summer camp enrollment. Finally, many homeschooling parents expect that eventually their children will enter a “standard” yeshiva or seminary when they are older – so that those children will also be successful at Jewish geography.

Perhaps the most critical message here is that we as parents – despite our financial investment in schools – remain responsible for their spiritual, emotional, physical, and intellectual development. If you're dissatisfied with the schools that your children attend, you ALWAYS have another option – going back to the really “old school” technique of raising and teaching your children yourself.

Sources:
Gustavsen, G. 1981. Selected characteristics of home schools and parents who operate them. Doctoral Dissertation, Andrews University. University Microfilms International No. 8205794.

Ray, Brian D. 1990. A Nationwide Study of Home Education: Family Characteristics, Legal Matters, and Student Achievement. Published by NHERI.

Shyers, Larry Edward. 1992. Comparison of Social Adjustment Between Home and Traditionally Schooled Students. Doctoral Dissertation, University of Florida. University Microfilms No. DA9304052.

Stough, Lee. 1992. Social and Emotional Status of Home Schooled Children and Conventionally Schooled Children in West Virginia. ERIC ED# 353 079.

What about Some Personal Responsibility?

This week's parsha was 'teeming' with relevant themes for the Orthonomics blog. But after checking out VIN and YWN I'd say personal responsibility has hit the top of my list of subjects I'd like to give a little time too. In this week' parsha we see two instances of failure to take personal responsibility.

Over at YWN the editors have printed the most chuptzpadik headline I've ever seen: Impatient Employees At Raleigh Hotel Run To Media For Attention. At least VIN was more neutral in their headine and just printed the story: Fallsburg, NY - Employees At Raleigh Hotel Claim They've Not Been Paid.

The general manager of the former Raleigh Hotel, managed by a group of "ultra-Orthodox" Jews, has the chuptzah to go on record and say (to protesting employees who staged a sit-in):
"The Brooklyn office was closed during the two weeks of the Sukkot and Simchat Torah holidays. A payroll company sent paychecks to that office, but nobody was there to mail them to the employees," "the same thing happened last year" (my kids can't get away with this excuse), and "My workers are basically happy there" (they are just "impatient").

I hope the managers clopped 'Al Chet' in advance. The excuses are beyond ridiculous, especially since they have done it before. The Michtav MeEliyahu comments on the future tense of "Vaochel" in Adam's response on why he ate from the Eitz Ha'daat, "I ate and I will eat again" explaining that Adam believes he would succumb if faced with a similar temptation. Mr. Ari Friedman, "I'm sorry, the checks are in the mail, and this will not happen again" is the proper response, not 'I didn't pay them on time and we will do it again because Yom Tov gets in the way.'

Someone should take up a collection for these workers to demonstrate that the Torah specifically commands us to pay workers on time to 1) make things right and 2) to demonstrate to our own brethren that not paying on time is simply unacceptable.

P.S. Sorry if I'm in a bad mood, but I sit and have sat on shul budget committees and cannot even begin to tell you the extent of non-payment. Tzniut and dan l'chaf zechut get a lot of air time and are the subjects of many a "campaign." I'll let my blog be a campaign for some simple, common sense yashrut. Pay these workers already!!!

P.P.S. I'm sure this doesn't apply to any of my readers. But if you haven't paid for this year's arba minim already, put it at the top of your list. I'm no posek, but I sat on a budget committee in a shul and we had a list of people that picked up their lulav but never paid for it. Certainly they couldn't have fulfilled their obligation?

Update: The original story (Headline: Delayed paychecks raise ire of Raleigh Hotel staff) and reader comments.

Quality Time: Blown Away By the Memory

I took my 4 year old out today to get some food for Shabbat and we ended up stuck in tons of traffic, both directions. And when we got to the store they were out of the product we came for, although a customer service agent did manage to find enough inventory to get me through this Shabbat. A trip that should have taken no more than one hour turned into a three hour tour.

While we were in line, a man from a nearby neighborhood wished us a chag sameach and I realized that we had met him two years prior at a shiva house and mentioned such. Somehow this short discussion leads my son to tell me he didn't like sitting at a "kids' table" at the shiva. I ask him "where was the kids' table?" wondering what exactly he was referring to since I don't recall ever being in a shiva house (and we were in this one for all of 5 minutes because I had ids in tow) with a kids' table.

He goes on to tell me the name of the family with the kids' table, the instruction from Mrs. K that all the kids should sit at the kids' table because there wasn't enough room, and how he ate a bowl of a very specific dish that I cooked for the sheva berachot which he liked very much. Sheva, shiva. . . . . . well 7 is 7.

This sheva berachot was almost exactly one year ago to the week. If I recall, the wedding took place shortly after Sukkot. I helped my friend, Mrs. K, cook for the sheva berachot and the dish I cooked was picked out by none other than my son. I probably would have cooked something different, but he insisted that this dish was so great and everyone would want it (how can you say no to that?).

But my point isn't to talk about what I cooked or a kid mistaking the mention of a shiva for a sheva berachot. I am writing about this incident because it literally blew me off of my feet. I am a strong believer that you need quantity time to create quality time and that you can't artificially create quality time. Tonight I was reminded of my own parenting theory went an event came up out of nowhere from one year ago.

For the next half hour we talked about how much he didn't like sitting away from Mommy and Daddy (as I recall he ended up on one of our laps shortly into the sheva berachot), how he only sat at the table because a Mommy told him to sit there, and how he doesn't want to sit away from us. Fortunately for him (and for us), we don't seem to frequent meals where children are removed from the table their parents are at . I don't look particularly favorably at making this a regular practice (nor does Mrs. K), perhaps because I have my own negative childhood memory of being pushed to the kids' table. After expressing that I was sad that he was hurt by the incident, I promised that we would do everything we could to make sure he is seated with us on the rare occasions we are invited out. I also mentioned the possibility that a kids' table could be something set up at a family affair. After getting last year's incident he seemed fine with joining his cousins at a kids' table if need be, so long as he can make kiddush for the girls. I had to laugh a bit at that.

Shabbat Shalom! I want to hear your own young children's random memories and where they came out of. I'm still blown away.

Needed: A Mass Marketing Campaign on Savings and Frugality

I finally read an article in Business Week that nicely stated what I have been saying to my husband for years now:

*The negative savings rate in this country is going to ultimately hurt the economy. The Business Week article stated that a positive savings rate will eventually strengthen the economy. Another Business Week article predicts that hit number 2 to the financial institutions will come when massive amounts of unsecured debts from credit cards is unable to be sold and will be written off.

*This nation needs to *market* good old fashioned saving as "cool." The Business Week article mentioned the success of the the Just Say No campaign for smoking and other government marketing campaigns as models to emulate.

Turns out frugality is making a comeback as families who have been living beyond their means get their wake up call. The Business Week article titled "The New Frugality" profiled a family that got their wake up call that frugality was a necessity when they went to sale their home, which had doubled in value, and only pulled out $60,000. They then realized that they had eaten nearly $200,000 of equity on consumables.

(Hat Tip: Dave) The New York Times has an article this week, The Frugal Teenager, Ready or Not which shows teen discretionary spending is dropping (My word! At the peak the average US teen had been spending more on discretionary items than we do as a family). For teens that are unaccustomed to hearing the word "no" the new economic reality is going to be a bumpy ride.

For the first quarter in 17 years, consumer spending has not grown and is in fact negative . (Stop and digest this figure for a moment please). An entire generation of teens and young twenties has lived an entire lifetime without a period of time where cutting back was on the national agenda. This is really incredible the more you think about it. Marketing is powerful (with a capital P) and this generation has lived during an era of buy now, pay later, creative and even more creative financing (ARMS, interest-only, nothing down), "your home as an investment/piggy bank/ATM", "housing always goes up," leverage your credit to invest, etc, and now we as a nation are getting a taste of (great) grandma's personal finance rules.

The Washington Post had an article on consumers' changing habits which is no Tightwad Gazette, but perhaps more a demonstration about how weak the frugality muscles have become. Buying what you "can get some use out of" seems more like common sense than thrift. There is a story about a mother checking out books for her daughter instead of buying them new, a grandmother paying for her grandson's *Stride Rite* pair of shoes because the mother can't afford them (my husband would like to point out that putting the burden on someone else is in no way an exercise in frugality), and a college sophomore watching tv instead of buying (not renting, buying) movies, certainly underscores the fact that a mass marketing campaign on frugality and saving is in order.

Readers: If you were designing a mass marketing campaign on savings and frugality, where would you start? What slogans would you use? What points would you drive home? And, to keep with the Ortho part of the blog, what messages does the Orthodox community need to hear most?

Bonus: If anyone puts together a quality commercial of their own as a digital file, I will feature it on my blog if you tell me how to do that (sorry, I'm technologically challenged).

What's Happening in the Not For Profit World in General?

I like to bring a variety of subjects to my blog and sitting on my desk in front of me are two articles on the economic crisis and non-profits (NFP). Unfortunately, there are so many newspapers and magazines in front of me that I've lost the Newsweek article which had some good substance. So, I will have to stick with the front page of the most recent Accounting Today publication: "Tough time cause belt-tightening at nonprofits." Newsweek is available to the general public anyways. I doubt Accounting Today is sitting on the desk of most of my readers, although no doubt it is sitting on some desks.

Here are my notes on the highlights from the article regarding trends in giving:

• Donor Giving is Down, especially in the social service organizations.
• Social service organizations are far more dependent on smaller donations given by individuals, and donations in the $1000 and under range have fallen. Additionally, the average amount of a smaller donation is down.
• Major donor gifts are not particularly falling (although the Newsweek article disputed this, especially considering the large gifts from financial firms). Major donors have made an investment in their favorite organization, made giving a part of their estate plan, and are generally following through according to Accounting Today.
• Large donors are reducing their gifts. Large donors often donate appreciated property (stocks, real estate) because they can take the donation at fair market value, while avoiding paying capital gains tax. However, as the value of assets plummet, large donors loose some of their incentive to donate valuable property. These donations are at stake.

• Organizations with broad missions are feeling the pinch, while organizations with a more narrow cause are still gaining support.
• Donors will give to the organizations they are most passionate about, even where the general trend of giving is down.
• More donors are giving "restricted funds," i.e. funds that are for a specific program or initiative, rather than leaving the donation open to be used as the NFP sees fit.
• Donors are seeking higher levels of accountability and are asking for more financial reports in order to track how their restricted donations have been spent.

How organizations are tightening their belts:

• Scaling back staff costs by reducing staff hours.
• Consolidating administrative offices. (Regular readers will know why I put this in bold).

Suggests for NFP Organizations from Accounting Today:

• Diversity funding sources.
• Create or strengthen major gifts programs.
• Find new ways to communicate the impact of their mission.
• Do not drop marketing. Organizations must communicate results, effectiveness, factual data (highlighted because it it important to relate the trend of donors asking for more accountability with the need to market accountability), and differentiate themselves.

Certainly a lot to consider and now that I've recorded my notes I can send this publication to our recycle bin.

Truthfulness in Weights and Measures

It is almost 9:00 AM following Rosh Hashana and my son has pointed out that our Yom Kippur yartzeit candle (overstock from Pesach) is still going strong, or in his words "maybe it will burn forever." An early Chanukah miracle?

Unfortunately, the yartzeit candles I bought right before Rosh Hashana haven't been so kind to us. (Good I still had one left over from Pesach). On Rosh Hashana during first day lunch, my son noticed that the candle looked like it was about to go out. Fortunately we noticed this in time because within about 20 minutes after transferring the flame, the flame sputtered out. The second candle didn't make it to lunch the next day, but fortunately I no longer needed a light by then.

The bad news is that I bought this particular brand of candles for the entire Tishrei and now I realize that it will take me double candles to make it through the chag. (I bought double, so at least I don't have to run to the store). Yes, I did pick this brand over another because they were on a better sale. But, each candle contains the same amount of wax and each candle makes a claim to be a yartzeit candle for the chagim.

Perhaps we just happened upon two defective candles this Rosh Hashana and that Sukkot will be different (I will report back if that is the case). But right now I would like to send a message to those who manufacture goods for our communities that truth in weights and measures is a mitzvah. Perhaps it is high time that yashrut gets some posters of its own?

Too Cute

I don't feel like writing anything of substance right now. But I have to share a few 'Orthonomic' moments in our house that were just too cute:

Before Rosh Hashana, my son announces: "We need to buy a pomegranate even if it isn't on sale. It is ok to buy it even if it is not on sale because we need it for Rosh Hashana."

Today I was at the pharmacy and my not yet 2 year old who is also not so verbal got into my coupon pack. She starts pulling out coupons and yelling "free, free." Turns out she found a coupon for tissues that were on sale and we walked out of the pharmacy with free tissues. My word, a toddler who knows the purpose of a good coupon.

Last week I was going over the schedule with my kids. I mentioned Mommy had a stack of checks from clients and we were going to go to the bank. My son asks, "Mommy, are you going to put that money in the bank so you have it when you are too old to work." The moment was too funny.

Seeking Guest Posts

I am looking for guest posts on numerous Orthonomic subjects. Have any of my readers used a People to People lending service (like Prosper), either as a lender or a borrower, who fill me in on halachic issues of using the site (are you direct lending or are you really investing in the Prosper company?) and how they worked with the issues. Assuming the halachic issues I'm seeing can be overcome, I'm most interested in the experiences of lenders. So I'm looking for both the Ortho and the nomic sides of this equation.

I am also hoping a reader who is trying to get out of debt would like to start a monthly diary to share their experiences in making a major life change. It would be great if the diary could include chizuk, feature practical advice, talk about challenges, and include some hard data (e.g. debt left to pay off so readers can track and cheer for the progress). I'd love a regular and empowering column from someone who is experiencing success.

Any subject you want to hear about as a reader, let the readership know by adding your comments. I've had requests for posts on Special Education and the Orthodox parent and Homeschooling and the Orthodox Family. The number of subjects are endless, so suggest anything you want and let's hope someone picks up the ball and runs with it.

Those who have emailed: Please forgive me for not getting back promptly. I will answer emails, but I'm under a pile of work and emails are on the back burner.

Some Frum Financial Factiods

Given that there have been no statistical studies on the financial health of the Orthodox community, we have to take whatever bits of information that we can get to try to gain some perspective on the "State of the Union." My Baltimore correspondent sent me two pieces of information published in the recent Where What When that might help give some perspective.

The first from an article "An Affordable Baltimore Wedding:"

"I did not set out to write an article concerning the issue of expensive weddings, however allow me to make a point: Since I spend a lot of time working with frum families discussing budgets and finances, I see the issues that plague us. It is my opinion that (much) more than 50 percent of families with children are in some form of financial crisis. This means that middle-aged couples are going to elderly parents for help or are borrowing money from lines of credit or credit cards. The financial pressure takes a serious toll on people."

One can only wonder what the estimated percentage would be if you included those without savings or who are raiding their savings prematurely, not just those who can't live on their salary alone.

The second comes from an advertisement and write-up regarding an event being put on by a Maryland Yeshiva to benefit the scholarship fund:

"[The scholarship fund] benefits 60 percent of its student body, currently numbering 187 girls and 86 boys. . . . . . . Last year, the Yeshiva awarded over $1.5 million dollars in scholarships."

Take out your calculator and do the math to find out the average scholarship amount is and you might be surprised. $1,500,000/((187+86)*60%)=$9,168*. At least in my own mind, this is a HUGE amount of assistance to be providing per student on scholarship.

Many have, rightfully, made the call to support local yeshiva and day schools. I've dedicated plenty of posts to this subject myself. But when you see just how much filling in is needed (and I believe most schools have a similar percentage of kids on scholarship--see a past article here where the director of Toras Emes in Los Angeles reveals only 32% of students pay full tuition), your eyes will end up bulging out. Filling in the gap in tuition as it stands currently, isn't a matter of providing a thousand dollars a student, it is a matter of providing nearly $10,000 per student (and this after grandparents are already kicking in significant amounts). Of course there are students who aren't on scholarship, but these families are definitely feeling the squeeze and could use some relief too.

I will leave my comments at that. The figures I find here and there continue to just boggle the mind.

*I looked up tuition at this school online it ranges between the mid-$15,000 to the mid-$17,000.