Guest Post: Our $3,000 Brooklyn Kosher Wedding

One of my commentors "French Press" was kind enough to share how she and her husband made a wedding for less than $3,000. I'm sure there is something in there for everyone.

Dear SephardiLady,

You once asked me how we got away with making a wedding in brooklyn for under 3,000$ Here it is. Some of it applies to just brooklyn...
*Gemach gemach gemach! Table linens, silk florals, really uncomfy bedecken chair, dress.
*Nice invites from Staples and printed on your printer.
*Invite 100 peeps or less.
*Limited Bar, mostly wine. Joyvin bought by the case in Jersey.
*Rent your local hillel. At Brooklyn College, this can come with Kosher catering if Carmela is still there.
*Photos taken by art student. BEAUTIFUL.
*Even our Delish wedding cake came from a Gemach.
*Day wedding.
*Make your own wedding favors. Get jordan Almonds, little bells at a bead shop some tulle and ribbon.
*Opt for a bridesmaids bouquet rather than full size.
*Get your hillel rabbi to do the ceremony.
*Assign your bridesmaids a color, and let them pick their dresses.
*Hire a Deejay who is a friend.
*Have your brother tape the wedding.
*Have a very artsy friend design your ketubah.

Your really cheap wedding will also lack those odd dudes who crash weddings and eat food and ask for cash!

Hachnasat Kallah: Let Them Eat Cake

Hat Tip: Ezzie

As we enter a period in time where investment values have fallen and frugality is the new black, I'm happy to see a Rabbi who can separate out needs from wants.

Rav Aviner gives a rule of thumb for what should be a cause worth collecting for and what does not qualify: "If a person wants to live with extras it is a personal decision, but living with extras with other people's money is unheard of."

Q: If someone does not have money for Shabbat or a wedding, should he
collect donations?

A: He certainly should not collect donations. Collecting donations is only legitimate for necessary needs like food or medicine, but not for non-essential things. This is written at the end of the Mishnah in Pe'ah (8:9): “Anyone who does not need (to take tzedakah) and does so anyway will not leave this world before being in need of other people (because he is poor); and anyone who needs to take (tzedakah) and does not do so will not die from old age before supporting others from what he has acquired.” This means that a person should not ask for donations for extras. The Gemara says: "Make your Shabbat like a weekday and do not require [the help] of others" (Shabbat 118a, Pesachim 112-113), i.e. it is better to eat simple food such as bread and salt than to receive tzedakah. But if he does not have anything to eat, he should ask for tzedakah. The same applies for a wedding: a person needs to get married but he does not have to make a fancy wedding if he does not have the money to do so. I have friends who do not have a lot of money: one made a wedding in a nice outside area and brought sandwiches and the entire wedding cost 50 shekels. Another friend invited ten of us to the building of the Rabbinate which has a small hall. We drank coke and ate some cake and the entire wedding cost 20 shekels. Getting married is a mitzvah, but there is no obligation to have a fancy wedding. In Jerusalem in the Old Settlement as well as in Poland, people were poor and they made a wedding an hour before Shabbat, then davened ma'ariv and ate their Shabbat meal which was also the wedding meal. If a person wants to live with extras it is a personal decision, but living with extras with other people's money is unheard of.

I wonder how the Rabbi would answer regarding sending a child to sleepaway camp when the family must then turn around and take scholarship funds for tuition, or how the Rabbi would react to collections for Bar Mitzvah parties such as this one.

What a refreshing alternative view that hopefully will become "mainstream."

Related Post: Weddings: We Need Another Model
Up Next: One Orthonomic Blog Reader's Affordable Wedding Model

Another False Homeschooling Assumption

The imamother thread on "The High Cost of Jewish Education and [limiting] size of family" went into a discussion on aliyah and homeschooling. One mother states "Homeschooling is a big expense, it means giving up an extra salary." Well, I'm NOT here to argue about accounting of homeschooling and lost opportunity cost vs. paying private schooling tuitions. Every family is welcome to make their own accounting if they have an interest in alternatives to private education. An naturally cost is only one part of the equation. Needs and personalities of parents and children are other large parts of the equation.

But, I do think it necessary to point out the misconception that a parent cannot earn an income and homeschool at the same time. Yes, it is true that most homeschooling families include a self-identified "homemaker," which may or may not mean translate into "income free" as many a homeschool teacher also operates a small home business. But there is also a growing contingent of dual income homeschooling families in which the primary teacher (usually the mother) is also employed in the professions.

I'm kicking myself because I'm unable to locate a Wall Street Journal article that my husband generously clipped for me a couple of years ago thinking it might be of interest for the blog (can't locate it online either). This article featured the feat an increasing number of dual income families are taking on: simultaneously homeschooling their child(ren). These families were not driven to homeschooling out of any particular ideology except their drive to provide their children with a high quality education that they had concluded could be provided best in the home. Somehow these families found that they were both able to instruct their (generally independent) child(ren) while working side-by-side them on their own paid employment through telecommuting and flexible scheduling opportunities. I did note that both parents generally shared the responsibility of instruction and I don't recall a mention of pre-school aged children in the home either. These were not stereotypical homeschooling families (strongly Christian, often residing in small town or rural areas, numerous children, traditional gender roles), but rather "modern," cosmopolitan, an at least somewhat egalitarian families. The article provided an interesting window into a growing contingent of homeschooling families that few would expect exist.

Trivia Question for all the Sports Fans Reading my Blog (don't click on the following link before making your guess): Which famous NFL star was homeschooled during his high school years? (Yes, apparently you can homeschool and still participate in a public school sports league, another interesting dimension in the continuing exploration of homeschooling).

While I was unable to find the Wall Street Journal article, I did find an informative article from the CATO institute on homeschooling that contained a lot of interesting history, subject matter and even statistics on homeschooling families, as well as confirmed that there are different contingents of homeschoolers.

• A few interesting stats from March 1997 study by the Home School Legal Defense Association, "Home Education across the United States," which is sighted about article shows that the average cost incurred per homeschooled student is $546.
• 87.7 percent of mothers list their profession as homemaker, home educator. Another 12.3% list another occupation. The next highest occupation listed is Professional 1 (Accountant, Registered Nurse, Engineer) at 4.8%.
• The five most popular occupations for fathers included 17.3% Professional 1 (Accountant, Registered Nurse, Engineer), 16.9% Professional 2 (Doctor, Professor, Lawyer), 10.7% Small Business Owner, 8.9% Manager, and 8.1% Technical.

I wonder what the percentages are currently, almost 12 years later. Nonetheless, it is erroneous to conclude homeschooling must equal income free for the secondary income earner, although I imagine the more young children that are in the equation, the more difficult it is to both achieve an income and serve in the role of teacher.

The Catholic School Crisis

Hat Tip: A reader of this blog who is free to self-identify
Please excuse any mistakes or unclear writing. I threw this together between today's many tasks.

The NY Times published an article "For Catholic Schools, Crisis and Catharsis" last week regarding the enrollment and financial issues Catholic schools are facing.

The article identifies the following issues with the way Catholic schools are/have been run which has brought the schools to their present day crisis:

• Shortage of inexpensive labor. Schools used to be run by priests/nuns supported by the church. Today's lay staff receives compensation and pension benefits.
• Relaxation of religious obligations which used to include sending children to church run schools to be a member in good standing.
• A change in demographics from well compensated parishioners to pews filled with the working poor.
• Rising tuition .
• Parents accuse schools of being slow to react to societal change and unwilling to admit problems.
• Priests are not well qualified to run schools (Note this quote: "There is not a single seminary in the United States offering courses in finance, marketing, business management or long-term planning,” said Richard J. Burke, president of Catholic School Management,).

I specifically highlighted some of these issues because I think the same can be said of many Orthodox schools. In regards to labor: as more women turn to higher paying professions, attracting staff becomes more expensive. Some Modern Orthodox schools are trying to bring their level of compensation in line with public schools, which is obviously a very difficult thing to do. In regards to demographics I think it is fair to say that we have our own growing population of "working poor," either young parents who are not yet working/in a career path while enrolling children in school, young parents who simply don't have the resources expected due to high debt loads, etc. Like the Catholic schools, I don't believe that a master's in education and/or semicha requires a practical business management education.

While our schools are growing, I see some of the issues hurting Catholic schools to be very similar. This is the money quote in the article: "It was taken for granted for a long time that Catholic schools would always be there,” said Dr. Karen M. Ristau, president of the National Catholic Educational Association, a lobbying group. “People are beginning to realize that this is a false assumption.”Basically the Catholic Church enjoyed its success and stagnated its development believing that of course they would always be around. But, competition developed in the form of charter schools. Parents struggled to pay already low tuition, sometimes as low as a few thousand a year. And, now there is a realization that business as usual isn't going to cut it.

Different locales are trying different solutions. It should be interesting to see how some of these solutions fare in the long run. I don't know what ideas if any could be borrowed successfully. But, I'm not really sure that the community as a whole is really ready for change anyways.

Engelwood School District Proposed Hebrew Immersion Program
With Religious Accommodation

I found this public announcement on a Facebook group "Yeshiva Tuition is too expensive." I am posting the announcement up as a public service, although my commentors are perfectly welcome to discuss whether or not this is at all an appropriate alternative to a day school education. And I'm sure they will take the liberty to do so. Given the number of families suffering from layoffs and/or reduced income from business ventures, I can only imagine this program will interest some parents, even if these families don't view the program as a permanent solution.

The meeting is coming up very soon and I hope that I can impose on a reader of this blog to attend and guest post on the meeting. Please, please, please, someone step forward.

The Englewood Public School District (EPSD) is proposing to add full day Hebrew Immersion to their award-winning World Languages Program - starting September 2009.

Join with our group of motivated local parents and Rabbi Genack to meet with Dr. Richard Segall, Superintendent of Englewood Schools, tour the newly built facility, hear the proposal, and show support.

Date: Wednesday, February 4th
Time: 7:30 pm
Place: John D. Greico School - 50 Durie Ave. Englewood·

Magnet school open to Bergen County Residents who register for public school
· Grades 1-6 with potential to expand
· World Languages "track" housed separately in new state of the art Greico school
· Nutritious, affordable Kosher meals – reduced meal plans in case of need
· Curriculum to include aspects of Israeli geography, culture, history, holidays, etc.
· Sensitivity and accommodation to Judaic needs
· Full access to “Resources”, special needs, interventions, enrichment, tutoring, etc.
· Free Busing in most cases
· Full access to extra-curricular programs at the Englewood Recreation Center including: violin, ballet, karate, Shabbat friendly league sports (baseball, basketball, soccer) swimming pools, summer camp, trips to amusement parks - and much more - all well supervised and very affordable

Daily, on-site supplemental Jewish identity, prayer and “Limudei Kodesh” optional after school programs provided in cooperation with local Jewish organizations.

For more information on the World Languages Program and the new Greico school: http://www.epsd.org/home.aspx

If you are planning to attend and/or have questions or ideas, please email us in advance to help us prepare: raphael@raphaelbachrach.com or nina@raphaelbachrach.com

Our Socialist Tuition System:
Why Even Bother Working and Trying to Improve One's Lot?

Hope the provocative title caught your attention.

I assume the father writing this letter is already receiving some sort of tuition discount or he would not have been called into a meeting by the principal and asked to cough up more money, but I'm not sure about that because the father mentioned "to top it all off, I end up paying more in tuition because I don't get any breaks!." I've said it before and will say it again, the tuition system looks like something invented in the Eastern Bloc. You can't expect people to work and work and work if the only beneficiary is the state. A tuition system that leaves the workers, from low paid to well reimbursed, with little personal reward is sure to eventually crumble under its own weight.

Read the following letter from this week's Yated and leave your comments. I'm just trying to figure out how a private schooling system will manage to survive as is if the administrator sees it fit to hit up the "rich" parent making $61,000.

TUITION TALK

Dear Editor,

I was called to my son’s cheder to talk about tuition. I was directed to the administrator, who informed me that he would be raising my tuition since, in his words, “You are working in Manhattan and making a nice salary.” (I’m already paying more than most people, as they won’t give me breaks because I’m not learning.)

I tried to explain to him that I am indeed making $61,000 as a computer consultant, but after deducting my work-related expenses, I don’t come out with much more than others. He disagreed with me, and claimed that my salary is a lot higher than what many others earn. And so he decided that I should pay more.

We started discussing the matter and he told me that his salary is $25,000, and that the yeshiva works out his payments so that he is still eligible for government funding. I then explained to him that he makes a lot more than I do. I pay $6,000 in transportation costs a year to get to and from Manhattan, plus another approximately $5,300 for social security, federal and state taxes. (This was a low estimate. I think it’s going to be higher.) I pay another $8,500 for medical insurance. After deducting all these expenses, I am left with $41,200.

He receives approximately $14,500 in HUD, $5,800 in Earned Income Credit, ($4,800 federal + $1,000 state), plus $1,700 in WIC, and $2,100 in HEAP (for utilities). Additionally, his insurance is free (Jersey Care). This leaves him with over $49,000. (This amount is reached even without including other programs, such as free school lunch programs, etc.) This is a lot more than the $41,200 that I make. This calculation also doesn’t include food stamps, because he didn’t volunteer whether or not he receives them. If he does get food stamps, his total income would add up to $56,000. This particular individual is an administrator, but in the event that he was learning full-time and only receiving a kollel check ($4,160) and a night kollel check ($3,000), he would still be making more than $38,000, which is not much less than my $41,200. (This calculation does not include another few thousand dollars possibly earned from morning kollelim, shemiras hasedarim, etc.) To top this all o! ff, I end up paying much more in tuition because I don’t get any breaks.

Add to this the fact that the hours that my wife can work are limited, as she has to carpool the kids and be home with them after playgroup and school hours, since I’m not home until 7 at night. In contrast, this administrator told me that his wife works until later in the afternoon, because he is home between 2 and 4 and takes care of all the carpools and babysitting until his wife returns home from her job.

At the conclusion of this discussion, the administrator told me that he still feels I should pay a higher amount towards tuition since I work.

I am not writing this letter to complain about people being able to manage with the help of government programs. I just want people to understand that just because I work doesn’t mean that I am walking away with more money. In fact, I have the same problems paying tuition as any kollel yungerman may have.

A Yungerman Who Now Works [but probably is wondering why in the world he is busting his rear, even if he is too polite to say so]

You Can't Buy Furniture Outside of New York?

I found this comment at YWN. The misconceptions about living out of town abound. The lack of busing mention is, however, not a misconception. This [unedited] comment is classic.

#1: you’re right that when you live “out of town” you can bring up your family in an environment with much less gashmius which is why we live out of town. In general also the people display more of a finekeit and aidelkeit and that overall people have better midos. however you have to realize what you are giving up by liveing out of town. we do pay lower taxes than in NY but we also get alot less. there is alot of mesiras nefesh involved with living out of town. examples: here in Baltimore we have to pay out of pocket for bussing to school and not all schools offer it. most can’t afford it so we are doing carpools. with 10 kids and 3-4 different schools, each with 3 dismissal times it’s carpool almost every morning and afternoon, sometimes 2-3 per
afternoon. school lunches are also out of pocket and again not every school
offers it so 10 kids=making 10 lunches per day! most people have a big
adjustment to out of town also because you just can’t buy here what you can in
NY (lack of gashmius)but it’s not easy when you really need furniture, clothing etc. and have to shlep to NY. after a while you get used to living with less because everyone else is but it takes time. you have higher taxes in NY but you get so much more. its a trade-off so appreciate what you get and the next time NYers want to complain because of those sunday carpools, think of us out of town and you’ll appreciate what you get! living out of town is a wonderful thing and the dividends of having fine, ehrliche children with beatiful midos will pay off but it’s not the easy life!
Comment by cholent lover — January 21, 2009 @ 11:55 am

I never realized you can't buy furniture or clothing outside of NY! I wonder where I got my furniture? Here's a clue: I didn't buy my furniture in NY. I guess even the pricey Ethan Allen isn't enough for the "heimish" shopper.

It is interesting how the commentor wants to leave the materialism of the big city behind, but can't quite escape it. I guess you can't take the NY our of the NY'er.

And can someone please explain to me why any parent is packing 10 lunches a day? By the time I was in 2nd grade, I'm fairly certain that I was packing my own lunchbox with minimal assistance (remember the days when lunchboxes were all the rage?).

Take the comments wherever you'd like them to go.

Getting Started on the Right Foot:
Develop a Sense of Control and Choosing Your Friends

I have written about developing a "Can Do" attitude before and I think it is particularly important when it comes to handing personal finances. The comment has been made that (excluding the very wealthy) a frum Jew will not be able to live debt free and/or build up savings. If one adopts such an attitude, and many have, he/she takes a position of powerlessness. Sitting in the backseat, the attitude becomes, "what can I do?" Once one has accepted lack of savings, debt, living beyond their mean as "normal," they become resigned to their situation.

I prefer an attitude of control over finances. The paradigm might look something like this:

• I put in appropriate effort towards earning a living (getting a proper education, not letting my ego interfere with earning a living, maintaining integrity, continuing to develop new skills, new contacts, seeking increased opportunities, etc.)
• Hashem blesses my efforts by granting the support I need.
• I exercise control over my budget by making choices according to the means I have been given (not worrying too much about what "they system" requires of me or what "the Goldberg's" are doing).

I've worked with a handful of people on budgets and there is a different approach between those who are tend to demonstrate a greater sense of control and those who lack a sense of control. The person who is resigned and lacks a sense of control will start the budgeting process by telling you about all the expenses they have to meet. The person who seeks greater control tends to start the budgeting process by looking at sources of income first. Perhaps they seek greater income, but their current plans revolve around what they have, not what they must have. Most of us probably fall somewhere between "resigned" and "in control." A look at some of the comments in money saving idea posts will clearly demonstrate this human characteristic.

The book I reviewed via another finance blogger's book review is a good example of a completely resigned attitude. In the book Strapped: Why American's 20-and 30-Somethings Can't Get Ahead, individuals and couples make shortsighted and expensive choices in terms of education, employment, relationships, weddings, childcare, and more, and then wonder why they just can't get ahead. Fortunately there is another book out there that isn't offering up the victim mentality on a silver platter. I too have not read this book yet, but would like to precisely because it promotes what I believe is a healthy "can do" attitude. Personal finance blogger Trent (A Simple Dollar) writes a very positive review of the book "Scratch Beginnings: Me, $25, and the Search for the American Dream." This book has 14 chapters where the author shows that creativity, persistence, motivation to change, delayed gratification, and frugality, will result in getting ahead. Trent writes "the primary lesson [in Chapter 10] is playing the game with the hand you’re dealt. If you spend all your time complaining and griping about the situation you’re handed, you’re going to simply miss out on tons of chances to succeed."

Now would be a good point to insert a word about the friends you choose. Middle class society in general, and frum society in particular, tells us that a whole litany of things are a necessity. Of course, some things are highly desirable or even a necessity, but that doesn't eliminate the fact that there are alternatives and choices in life. Friends ("circles" and social groups) are a powerful influence in our lives, after all we are social creatures.

A person who wants to be able to more comfortably make choices that will allow him/her to live within their means would be wise to seek friendship with those who do live a more frugal lifestyle. The family that spends $30,000 a year on food isn't likely to let you know when pasta is on sale 2/$1 at the grocery store. The family that goes broke after taking their children on daily chol ha'moed trips and plying the kids with gifts and nosh isn't likely to invite your kids over for backyard games, nor accept your invitation for a trip to the park. The mother who has full time household help, isn't likely to agree to a babysitting exchange so you and she an get some much needed work one.

A college student seeking a less expensive living situation isn't going to find the girls whose credit card bills are paid off by mom and dad every month, no matter what the balance with no questions asked, a likely candidate to share extremely small living quarters. A single bochur whose friends all take their dates on $100 first dates (I read Lakewood has a dating fund so everyone can be "equal"), isn't likely to have the guts to take his shidduch date for a cup of coffee. But if he makes friends with some guys who do this, it becomes a more palatable option. A girl who is getting married and lives in a world where all her friends are receiving a laundry list of jewlery and other luxury items, isn't likely to make the suggestion that the chatan forego pearl earrings in the yichud room, unless she has made friends that have done without. A family in a social circle where all the kids go away to sleepaway camp, is a lot less likely to consider day camp or piecing together some activities as a possible alternative.

I'd say it is important for like minded parents to actively form connections with like-minded parents. As it is said, "there is strength in numbers." It is really difficult to speak out about school policy, be it an issue with cleanliness, a religious issue, bullying, the cost of an activity/trip, or some other issue. It is a lot easier to affect change when more than one squeaky wheel is willing to speak out.

Of course, one can have friends of all stripes (and it is certainly helpful to have a wide variety of friends when it comes to networking), and I feel fortunate to have many friends of many different income levels and spending styles. But, when you are trying to keep your lifestyle under control, it is important to have company.

Getting Started on the Right Foot:
Too Much Too Soon

A reader wrote me an email asking if I can provide some advice to those getting their start on how to build a solid financial future. I figured I would go back to a post I worked on, but never got around to posting, many months ago and use it to start a new series.

A financial planner interviewed in an advice column directed at recent college graduates warned them not to take on "too much too soon." If there was ever a better way of summing up how easy it is to erode a potentially financially healthy future it would be it would be by over committing funds far too early in the game. Next time you are ready to purchase a "big ticket" item or commit to a recurring expense, ask yourself "Is this too much too soon?"

The following is my own list of 5 "too much too soon" traps that I see young people, especially young couples fall into:

1. Too Much House

Whether you are renting or owning, it is a good idea to start small and increase slowly. Last year I got a call from a father of a chatan who was looking for a place to rent in our community. Someone gave the chatan's father my name believing I "in the know" about such things. The couple was only planning to stay only one year while the chatan learned, and then they planned to go to Israel where he would continue to learn. The kallah had yet to work a fulltime job in her life, wasn't willing to work more than 40 hours a week (even though 50 plus hour workweeks are standard in her field of choice), did not have a job lined up (and her field of choice is not big in this area), nor did she have any contacts (I provided her with some contacts). This couple would consider no less than a two bedroom apartment! Definitely a case of "Too Much Too Soon."

Another friend of mine decided apartment living was too hard they must have a home immediately. They were owners, but the wife was insistent that they sell now, although they could have walked away with a tax free gain if they had only waited another half a year or so. Soon after they moved I ran into her and found out they were renting out rooms in their home in the basement. I asked her if they liked the arrangement or if it was hard to maintain privacy with such an arrangement. She said to me, "we don't have any choice. It is the only way to pay the mortgage." Oy vey.

Ariella recalls an email that appeared on her community's listserve. A lady is looking for suggestions on how to get her property taxes lowered before closing because buying this house has thrown them "over budget." Goodluck there. Taxes rarely go down. Nor do utilities (larger homes are more expensive to heat and cool). And, oh, by the way, stuff breaks. Be prepared.


2. Too Much Car (Too New Car)

This is probably the easiest trap for young people to fall into. A good friend of mine was telling me how difficult it is for them to make ends meet and how much stress it causes them. They live busy lives and haven't quite found regular employment or jobs they enjoy. I have to say that I was quite surprised when a few months later, they drove up in a brand new car. It wasn't a fancy car, but it was brand spanking new, with that new car smell. And, yes, it was purchased on credit. They could have bought the same model car three to five years older for half the price. Another friend of ours had to reluctantly part with a really fancy SUV he purchased on credit for a loss because the gas was running something like $400 a month. He simply could no longer afford to drive it. Ouch!

The bigger the car, the more gas. The newer the car (and the younger the driver--especially those of the male gender), the more expensive it is to insure. My advice: save up and buy a reliable used car. They are cheaper to insure. If you can't pay cash, you can rid yourself of whatever debt you carry on the carry as quickly as possible.

3. Too Much Furniture

It took us a year into our marriage to buy couches and a table that sat more than 2 comfortably and four less comfortably. At the time, a kollel couple was headed off to Israel where the husband would continue his learning and the wife mentioned to me that they were trying to sell their furniture (they were married one year at the time). My husband was not yet convinced we needed a couch, but I thought it would be nice to have a comfortable place to sit down since I was already 5 months pregnant. I figured this would be a win-win situation. I could buy some lightly used furniture at a price my husband thought reasonable. . . . .that is, until I actually paid them a visit. This couple had bought upscale furniture at an upscale price. They had paid over over $10,000 for the dining room and living room set and were looking for at least $7000.

I don't know if they ever liquidated their furniture at their price, or if they ended up paying for storage until they returned to America. But I have no doubt that if they had spent a more reasonable amount on a new dining room and living room set, they would not have endured the loss they took by buying too much upscale furniture.

4. Too Much Baby Stuff

Even the budget conscious can fall into this trap easily. The first baby is such a miracle and a joy. The marketers know what they are doing when it comes to selling you baby stuff. It seems like you need everything and they can easily convince you that you need the item labelled for babies, even if you have a perfectly find cup, plastic plate, or stool laying around. Most baby equipment is only good for a short period of time. If you insist on actually buying a swing, bouncer, carrier, etc, etc, etc, it is time to get acquainted with a nice consignment shop where clean, lightly used equipment can be purchased.

A post wouldn't be complete without a word on strollers. I'm sure the lobby in your shul looks like an upscale baby store's stroller display (I know that mine does). I do believe in buying a quality stroller. But, cost, quality, and function aren't always in a direct relationship and plenty of mothers who have bought a "status" stroller have found the darn thing doesn't really meet their needs. If your stroller purchase wipes out your savings, you are definitely spending too much.

5. Too Many Services

Cleaning help, haircuts, sheitel wash and sets, dry cleaning, and telecommunications can easily suck a budget dry. For the services you can't avoid, it makes sense to seek out a reputable, but less expensive service. When we first married, I dropped my husband's suits from the wedding and pre-wedding at the local dry cleaner that I saw people from the community going in and out of. The bill was big enough I felt like we just paid for half a suit. Soon after I learned that for those times we do need a dry cleaner, that there are cleaners that charge less than $2 a piece.

I've taken some heat for mentioning that cleaning help sucks a budget dry. People who go the cleaning lady route don't want to turn back. My advice: avoid starting down the cleaning help path and learn to divide and conquer.

Hoarding Money

I haven't written about the Madoff scandal because I don't have anything to add that had not been editorialized, and also the story leaves me with tremendous sadness that I can't express well in writing.

However, I do want to discuss an attitude I have seen in many Orthodox blogs regarding the principal (and all of its future proceeds) that is lost forever. At the outset, I will just say that the lack of rachmanut/compassion is tremendously disheartening. The lack of respect for someone else's losses is quite astounding.

This letter to the editor in the Jewish Press expresses many of the opinions I've seen in the past month: the opinion that no person or organization should "hoard" money. Many commentors seem to take offense that not every penny is immediately given away. The choice of the word "hoard" is quite interesting because of it's definitively negative connotation. Halacha defines how much a person should give and keep of their own funds, and at least my own study of halachot on tzedakah and ma'aser seems to indicate that a person *should* have savings, and that lack of funds exempts one from optimal fulfillment of the mitzvot surrounding ma'aser. The halacha also does not require the wealthy to give it all away, although they are likely subject to a higher tzedakah requirement.

I have seen halachic sources throughout the years that endorse having an "emergency fund," and define one without liquid assets as "poor." Personal finance experts recommend having an emergency fund of 3 to 12 months of expenses on hand, depending on the vulnerability of one's employment situation. A person with larger obligations and responsibilities (perhaps a business owner with employees), will need a much larger emergency fund if he/she doesn't want to put their business at risk during economic downturns or make severe cuts in staff through unexpected layoffs.

Let's all take a deep collective breath and meditate on the latest goings-on ("Madoff Scandal Rocks Jewish Philanthropic world," news story, Dec. 19). The lives of the billionaires who've lost a couple million won't change much. As for the rest of us poor slobs who have taken to lowering the thermostat's temperature indoors due to the high cost of heating and today's precarious economic times, or who are wondering for the umpteenth time this year how our next month's mortgage payment will be met, we could sure do with some of that pocket change.

The language expressed also is that of envy and class warfare, an "us vs. them" mentality. Those millionaires and billionaires were not born as such. In fact, given their ages, many of them lived through The Great Depression. They worked hard, they took risks, and, yes, they probably turned down their thermostats to get themselves started in business. And while they were in business, they probably continued to scrimp and save to ensure that their businesses have two legs to stand on because the larger their businesses became, the more they needed to "hoard" because their obligations and responsibilities became larger. Their risk taking in starting businesses, their investments, their charitable giving, their tax paying, and even their spending have 'created' thousands on jobs. Perhaps some of us can credit a current or past job or client, directly or indirectly, to someone with wealth.

Truth be told, some of us are finding it difficult to muster much sympathy for the synagogues, organizations and institutions that decry their tens and hundreds of millions that have been sucked up in a whirlpool of fraud. Perhaps it is because of the ordinary folks we are personally acquainted with - like the ones who are spending sleepless nights over their children's school tuition that's been in arrears for too long now; or who are weighed down by the expense of an upcoming child's wedding that is an onerous burden to bear, to say the least; or who were recently laid off due to the sluggish economy and are now left wondering how long they have before their meager savings are depleted.

Passive income is the secret to a healthy budget, and perhaps the secret to getting a good night's rest. A budget that does not completely depend on what might come in tomorrow to pay yesterday's bills is a healthy budget. I don't want to see any one's "meager savings depleted" because what comes next is the exercise that too many Orthodox institutions, businesses, and families do every month. That exercise: let's decide who gets paid and who doesn't. Those who "hoarded" some funds along the way, don't have to do this dance month after month and can weather a down economy, at least for the short term.

I wish more "ordinary folks" had a little something "hoarded" in the bank so that they could get a better night's sleep.

So while all the big losers cry foul and shout "ganif!" at Bernie Madoff, forgive me for asking, "Why did you hoard that stash? Couldn't you have at least invested it in any number of free loan institutions that help alleviate the monetary hardships of the many needy among us?"

The answer, of course, is greed - and, ironically, investors are now mad at Madoff for his greed.

The investors with Madoff are reported to be generous donors. Many of the investors carefully set up foundations funded with the "[hoarded] stash" so that the money could continue to provide dividends for many generations to come. Perhaps their causes were not her causes (or my causes), but making sure that your tzedakah funds will continue to give many times over, certainly isn't my definition of "greed."

I too find it hard to relate to a multi-millionaire who has lost a sliver of their wealth (although there were also reports of individuals and families who really did loose everything and must start from scratch). But, the budget struggles in the frum community are not the fault of these wealthy individuals either and it is a low blow to suggest such.

The letter writer would do far better learning about how "The Millionaire Next Door" lives his/her life rather than stewing in anger that the wealthy are not doing enough for "us." If you want to sleep like a millionaire (even a millionaire who took a hit, as has everyone with nearly any investment aside from Walmart stock has), chances are the answer isn't buying a better mattress, but hoarding saving a little money.

Note: the book I link to above is an excellent read and worthy of a book review sometime in the future.

Ask Orthonomics:
Help Me Solve Reader Dilemmas

I am sorry some of the questions have been sitting in my inbox for so long. I apologize for having lack of blogging inspiration. Below are questions from readers. Add your comments please. I am thinking of this blog as a g'mach of sorts, where we exchange cost effective advice, instead of money or goods.

A reader writes:

In an effort to cut our grocery bill, I dutifully went out in November and got a freezer. Its a stand-up freezer (as opposed to a chest) and it isn't energy start, but I distinctly remember the energy sign saying that it cost about $60/year to run the freezer. They delivered it the first week of December and set it up in our (cold) basement. Its been running at a 4 setting- which is what is suggested. Its only about 1/4 full right now (I'm still trying to fill it up) and everything is frozen solid inside. I noticed that it runs a lot. We just got our December electricity bill and it jumped from $200 to $330. I know, I know, most people would wish for a $330 bill, but $200 is typically the high end for us. We budget about $190 a month, which evens out in the Spring and Fall. Anyway out kWh jumped from 528 to 815kWh, with an average daily use was 21.6 in November and 23.3 ion December (I honestly have no idea what this means, but it may be important). Anyway- could this freezer be increasing our bill that much? BTW- I've found some great sales and really have tried to be mindful to set aside money to be able to buy food when it comes on sale.

Sounds like you have an issue with a defective freezer. I only hear our energy star upright freezer running for a brief time after I close the door and from time to time it comes on. If you hear yours running all the time, it is possible that the freezer is faulty. I'd call the company and speak to them first. My reader Miriam points to this product, http://www.smarthome.com/9034/Kill-A-Watt-P4400/p.aspx , where you can find out what energy culprits are in your home. Before I'd spend on another product, I'd speak with the company, stuff your regular freezer and unplug this freezer until the next utility bill. I'd also consider whether the culprit is from another source (fan on the heater, workman and their equipment, or perhaps a neighbor doing work and using your outside plug). And, please report back.


Another reader writes:

Here is a situationt that has come up in our family that you may want to write about in your blog.

My family has been fortunate to get a fair number of hand-me-downs, especially for our younger boys. I dislike shopping and try to save money, so the hand-me-downs have been very helpful. Some bags have a lot of clothes we want; others have just a few, and some have no clothes we want. I pass clothes we don't want to WIZO (like a g'mach).

My children understand that we look through these free clothes before filling in with new clothes. Sometimes they reject a shirt or pants that I think they should accept, but I am generally willing to respect their preferences. After all, they have to wear the clothes, not me. And I don't want my kids to develop negative associations with hand-me-downs, like "those yucky clothes Ima makes us take". This system works pretty well for us.

Except for coats for my 11yo. We get some nice coats as hand-me-downs. Sometimes they're even name-brand coats, like Lands' End. They are good, warm, well-made coats. There's nothing wrong with them. They're not girly or stained or nerdy, just a little plain. But my son doesn't like them and wants a new coat. But a new coat is expensive. It seems unreasonable for me to lay out money for a new coat just to give into his whim. OTOH, he will probably avoid wearing the free coat except if he is really freezing. I know this from experience, since this situation has come up with him before.

I explained the situation to him. I also asked him if having a coat he *likes* (as opposed to just a coat he doesn't particularly care for) is important enough to him to spend some of his own money on. Of course, I woudn't expect him to pay for all or even most of the cost himself. But I explained that if it was important enough to him to spend *some* of his own money on, then I would be more willing to spend my money on it too. He said it wasn't at that level of importance, but he is clearly still unhappy about the situation.

So, two questions: In this specific situation, am I doing the right thing? And in general, how do other people approach giving kids choices about which hand-me-downs to accept?


I'm more interested in how my readers will respond than what I have to say. I think it is important to respect kids preferences in dress (to an extent) and I think you are doing this. We basically employ the same method: take what you like and we will fill in around the edges as needed and within a budget. Some kids are pickier than others, and I have one of those kids, so I'm symathetic. I won't give into whims that are expensive and go against the values we are trying to inculcate (although I haven't been asked), but I'm happy to respect the preference that pants have pockets in the back and front, or whatever the flavor of the month is, at the time clothing is picked out.


If your son isn't willing to pitch in a few of his dollars for a jacket of his own, I'd probably let the situation go. If the motivation becomes stronger to have a certain jacket, I'd state the budget before heading out, and make sure it is understood that not every jacket in the mall is a valid choice. Unfortunately, the post-holiday season markdowns have not been particularly strong.

Readers, share your ideas.

Another reader writes:

As one of those people who can't seem to get my food budget down below $250/week for family of 5, I'd like to see some more details on how people do this.


Some questions are:
1) How do you get your kids to eat the food you make. I can't seem to make them eat meals other than the standard "kid" fare. Do you bribe? Force? Deprive them of after-school snacks until dinner is ready? (I am usually scrambling to make dinner when I get home in the afternoon). How much after-school snack do you give? It's hard to give them enough to make them not hungry and yet not kill their appetite to eat a dinner they don't love (eg pizza). I have a hard time forcing my kids to eat meals even I don't find appetizing -- usually the cheaper, pareve meals. Likewise leftovers. So much food gets thrown out even though I do plan many meals. Just because I plan it, doesn't mean they will like it. Anyhow -- I find my food spending goes up when I plan because I tend to plan large vegetarian meals and produce is expensive. In the trash it goes most of the time.


When I got married my husband was like your average kid. His diet probably resembled your kid's diets. I started by introducing a new dish, and alternating with meals he would recognize. Soon, he started really enjoying my meals and the chicken nuggets became something of the past. Fortunately, this happened before the first kid started eating, so I never had to wean a kid off of pizza, nuggets, or fish sticks. I tell my kids that if they don't like what I'm serving, that they can make themselves a bowl of cereal or a sandwitch. And, I try to put meals I know they like into the lineup, rather than pack each night with something experimental. This way everyone feels that their preference is being listened too, and we also get the variety of a good diet.

As for snacks, my own kids love bananas (didn't always), which are filling and not full of fat and sugar. Hard boiled eggs also work. Some parents let kids put snacks in a box at the beginning of the week and take as they like, but when you are out, you are out. I use this for yogurt because my kids could easily eat three at a time. They conserve a bit because they know what they see is what they get until the next sale comes along.

2) How do you keep track of what you spend at the supermarket while you are shopping? Walk around with a calculator? Someone told me recently she does exactly that -- she uses a calculator and buys her essentials first, extras next depending on how much money she has left. I'm planning to get a calculator soon and try it.

A calculator works. I keep a calculator hany while I shop, but tend to add (and subtract coupons) in my head as I go along. I think it is important to keep track because shopping registers do make mistakes. Today I realized that something went wrong because the bill was a lot higher than what I had in my head and it turned out my club card didn't register. Glad I caught that before having to stand in line at customer service.

3) I'd really like to see some weekly menus for those of you spending $100/week on food. Especially from those of you who work full-time and don't really have time to cook. What do you serve for breakfast? Kid lunches? And, of course, dinner. Someone posted in a comment once that they eat fish and meat during the week and yet spend $60-$75/week on food budget? I'd love to know how. I do have a pressure cooker.

I think a lot of our savings is in the shopping, rather than the meals. We use a lot of tomato products, e.g., and I will buy lots of cans when the 28 oz can is on sale for $1. For breakfast I serve whatever cereals I bought for a $1.25 or less a box. If we run out, my kids make oatmeal. Lunch varies, but probably includes some season fruit and a peanut butter sandwitch. We have a lot of dinner options. Sometimes I serve legume based soups such as Indian red lentil soups, vegetable and pasta soups such as ministrone, a veggie and cheese bake that uses mostly cottage cheese, homemade pizza with smaller sprinkling of cheeses, bean and rice burritos. My kids love pasta and I try to vary the sauces, sometimes by adding a can of tuna for each 28 oz can of tomato sauce (a receipe no one thought they would like, but that we all enjoy). I sometimes serve tuna patties with frozen brocolli.

4) If anyone wants to work with me :-) I'll send you a sample of my weekly menu as well as an overview of my supermarket tape -- I'd really love some feedback/training in this area. Actually, that wouldn't be a bad idea -- to write down what I buy, what I cook, and then what I throw out to see where all that money is going. I've never done that before. If I get around to it I'll let you know what I come up with.

Sounds like a great idea. Send it over.

5) I work practically full-time and do 99.9% of household chores. I get up at 5 am and go to bed at 11 or 12 almost every day. I justify eating meat several times/week because I have no time and no household help whatsoever and it's really easy to prepare. When I come home really stressed out and in what I call "nervous breakdown" territory -- rather than order pizza out, I'll roast a chicken and make rice. It's easy. It's satisfying. It's a heck of a lot cheaper than pizza. I really can't feel guilty about this because I work my tail off. How do other "newly frugal" or FFB (frugal from birth) people deal with this?


Sounds like you need a little help. I'd collapse on this schedule. I'd say that before tackling a new menu, you need to get everyone on board with a vision and some responsibilities because you shouldn't have to shoulder it all.


Hope that helps. I'm sure my readers will be even a greater help.

Budgeting Tool #4: Year by Year Budget Summary

This is a continuation to my original Budgeting Series Posts. I probably should switch to a more sophisticated software, but my excel spreadsheets continue to work for our purposes. See
Budgeting Tool #1: Monthly Budget Tracking and Summary
Budgeting Tool #2: Cash Flow Analysis
Budgeting Tool #3: Asset and Liability Tracker

My fourth, and newest budgeting tool is a spreadsheet where I line up every year's budget by category. I have inserted a column in between each year with a formula that calculates the percentage difference in incomes from year to year.

Often, when a person lays out a budget, he/she looks at the previous year's incomes and expenses to predict the coming year. This year I decided to lay out all of our budgets from 2005 to 2008 (I'd have budgets going back further, but we lost a hard drive in 2004) side by side.

When I lined up our budgets a month ago so I could start to get a handle on 2008, I noticed some patterns to help plan the coming budget. One pattern I noticed is that every other year we seem to have a number of car expenses. In a good car year, such as 2008, our maintenance expenses have basically been limited to oil changes, wipers, and perhaps a flat tire. But in 2007 and 2005 we had some major cash outlays.

No sooner than I placed funds into the budget for major car repairs for 2009, as per the emerging pattern, did my mechanic tell me following our December oil change, that I need to bring the car back in January for a brake job. Glad I was prepared.

In good news: I was very worried about increasing food and gas prices and was convinced that despite my efforts in cost effective grocery shopping, that we would be hit by high food prices. We were hit by high gas prices, even though we didn't make our normal summer driving trip. However, we spent LESS (2.7% less to be exact) on groceries and household products (hygiene products, diapers, cleaning products) in 2008 than in 2007. We made all yom tovs (in the past we went away for Pesach), we hosted my parents for about 3 weeks during the year, and my ate "real" food all year long.

My favorite coupon, as must have, are those offered by drug and grocery stores offering a cash gift card ranging from $10-$30 for a new and/or transferred prescription. This is the "must have" coupon. CVS Extra Bucks and Rite Aid rebates have made a huge difference in our budget also (I count the check rebates against the food/household product budget). See CVS 101 and Rite Aid 101. I have yet to pay for mouthwash, toothpaste, toothbrushes, shampoo, conditioner, or even lotion this year after coupons and rebates. I often leave with more money/extra bucks than I started with.

Bonus Food Costs Post: When Brisket Runs over $16 a pound deals with controlling yom tov expenses.

Many people, including financial planners, are convinced coupons don't make a difference. But those of us who "specialize" in coupons and read our receipts know this is not the case. I regularly save between 25-60% on groceries between circulars and coupons. At CVS I do even better. My Fall spending was listed at just over $60 for around $550 in merchandise, which includes diapers. Now granted, if I wasn't getting muh of this stuff for free, I would choose a different brand, but coupons do make a difference.

Happy new calendar and tax year.

A School Lowers Tuition

Don't jump up and down yet. . . . . your school is more likely to raise tuition.

I have been searching for information about what private schools across the nation are doing and was surprised to find out that a Jewish Day School (non-Orthodox) has decided to lower tuition. Kadima's administration hopes that the result of this untried strategy will be an increase in donations from families who can paid, combined with an increase in enrollment. It should be interesting to see how his strategy plays out. The article mentions that such strategies have failed in the past and that the general strategy is to raise tuition while making more financial aid available. Time will only tell if this is the right move.

The school blog has lined up current tuitions with the tuitions for the coming year, and the school has committed donors ready to make up the difference according to this article. I think the fact that the school can even think to make a bold move is that the parent body is generally hesitant to ask for any type of tuition assistance. Chances are, every family still pays a significant amount.

More on what other private schools are doing as I continue to research. Comment away and happy new tax year.