How NOT to Make the Case for a Yeshiva Education

A commentor on VIN (see comment 8), responding to an article on the proposed Englewood Public School District Hebrew Immersion program writes:

yiden dont get carreid away becasue of a streesed aconymy dont do this to your children, remeber what happened to the people who imigrated and have send their children to public school.

Nothing more to say.

Pretending it Away Part III



A mother wrote Rebbitzen Jungreis in last week's Jewish Press Column looking for advice on how to cope with their new found financial status (husband's business is hurting badly and they lost a major sum of money on an investment they thought would be a "sure thing"). Like many, this family is large, has undertaken the responsibility to support grown children and a growing number of grandchildren, has another daughter in line expecting a wedding like the first and expecting to join the kollel world, and there are still younger children that they pay tuition and camp fees for.

The mother's biggest concern is how to break the news to the kids. She writes, "we have been trying to shield our children from learning how precarious our situation has become, but I don't know how long we can continue this charade," and "Of course they are aware that we have financial difficulties, but they have such confidence in their father that they are convinced that somehow, as in the past, their Tatty will pull them through." Pulling through seems to mean providing for the next as the first. The mother wants to know how to best break the news without causing stress and anxiety.

I think the first thing the parents need to do is come to a clear vision of what their priorities are and what they are not. It is obvious from the letter that the family has a number of priorities, which have yet to competing against each other (not sinking in this economy, marrying off their daughter in the style they married off the first one, paying for tuition and camp for the younger children, continuing to support the older daughter and her family, continuing to keep up expectations, in this case lavish mishloach manot). No matter what the financial situation is at any one time, it is important to have a clear vision of what the priorities are so that the family can come together and focus on those priorities, and let go of things that don't make the list (perhaps mishloach manot), while holding their head up high.

Next, it is important to part with misconceptions of what will be. For example, no matter what, there WILL be stress and anxiety and perhaps even anger and resentment. I think that after developing a vision, it is important to let go of the hope that everything will be hunky-dory. It won't be! There will be major adjustments, especially if the adult children don't make the top of the priority list and are set free with little preparation in this world.

Another idea that this family and other families will need to part with is that everything must be equal. In November 2008, I reviewed a small section of a book which makes the assertion that the larger the family, the bigger the chance that there will be financial inequalities between children. A good starting point to getting through the stress and anxiety is accepting this reality as truth. These inequalities extend back to Torah times. The resentment over inequality is also a reality of this world, or in the words of the Torah, "there is nothing is new under the sun."

Lastly, the parents need to tell the kids and let the older kids plan accordingly. Procrastination rarely makes things better. The parents should be reassuring that despite the challenge, there will be shelter and food. And the parents should let the kids be active participants in the challenge. Letting the kids have ownership in the challenge will help them feel empowered and less demoralized.

How these parents number these competing interests will of course be their own personal decision. As a community, we also face the same competing interests. Anyone want to put the competing interests in our own communities in order?

Pretending It Away Part II: Camp

Don't let economic realities get in the way of ensuring your children have a camping experience. One Yated reader informs readers that they can work out a payment plan with Camp Agudah. (Note: I don't really have an issue with working out a payment plan. I just find it frustrating that instead of working with reality, people seem to want to keep everything the same: camp, weddings, "support, etc).

Yes, this is yet another letter stating camp is not a luxury, but a necessity. If you say it enough, you might believe it! Of course, if I were going to ask such a question about camp, I hope I would have the good sense NOT to ask a Rebbe, no matter how wonderful, that makes part of his living as via camp. But, that's just me.

This father's situation was solved by a camp scholarship through Camp Agudah. But what happens if/when this necessity or luxury, depending on your point of view, falls out of reach? Is a one year camping break ever an option? Is there any way to replace whatever camping experience(s) are the most important for a child's development?

I think so. But then again I am writing a blog about Orthodoxy (living a Torah observant life) and Economics (i.e. scarcity of resources and alternatives).

One other note: if you plan to send your child on a Shabbaton which is marketing a product that you are considering, you might one to consider your finances first. As a parent, I do try to actively reduce marketing towards my children. I'm perfectly capable of saying no. But, I don't parade them through isles of products I don't intend to buy either.

RESCUED BY RUACH COUNTRY

Dear Editor,
When my son arrived home on a recent Motzoei Shabbos from the annual Camp Agudah reunion all excited about summer 5769, I knew I had the difficult task of breaking the news to him that due to our financial difficulties, we could not afford the luxury of sending him to camp this summer. I contacted his warm and caring rebbi to ask him for guidance in this matter. His wonderful rebbi, who himself is a mechanech in a sleep-away camp (not Camp Agudah), stated very strongly that for my son befrat and for many boys bechlal, camp is no longer a luxury, but more of a necessity in developing within them a cheshek for Torah and Yiddishkeit. [A conflict of interest perhaps?]

He stressed that the wonderful blend of ruchniyus and gashmiyus of Camp Agudah, and especially the experience of Shabbos Kodesh spent b’kedusha and in the presence of gedolim and bnei Torah, could not and should not be so easily discounted. The rebbi suggested that I contact the camp office. After explaining my financial situation to Camp Agudah’s dedicated director, Rabbi Meir Frischman, I was told that arrangements could be worked out with a break in price as well as a payment plan. He well understood the situation and was more than willing to work with me. I am aware that there are many other parents in a similar matzav as me, who don’t feel that their children should miss out on the camping experience.

I was also told that due to the economic situation, as well as its expansion, Camp Agudah has set aside reserved slots for its old-timers to be able to come back for 5769.I strongly suggest to all parents looking to see their son blossom in a wonderful atmosphere to pick up the phone and call 212.797.8172 (no, this is not an advertisement) and speak to Meir Frischman about registering their son under a payment plan that they are comfortable with, as I did. Yasher kochacha.

Eli’s Proud Father

Pretending It Away

While some deal with reality gracefully, others would rather play a game of pretend. Two loyal readers of my blog emailed me with the same post from the 5 Towns listserve. In a similar spirit to the email taking up a collection for the oldest boy in a family for his Bar Mitzvah in order that the family be able to provide the bells and whistles of a modern day party, including prizes for the kids, the following collection for a kallah, about to be married, is now being spearheaded by a member of the community:

Dear Friends,
I turn to you today to ask if you could please find it in your heart to help parents marry off their daughter. They do not want the girl to know that they don't have the money to make the wedding and are so embarrassed to be put in this situation but unfortunately have no choice. Please could you help out?

I am looking for contacts in the following areas of business, so that we might get discounts in the various items we need for this bride. If you know of anyone in these businesses, please respond with their contact information.

If you would like to donate money to the cause and receive a tax deductible receipt, please contact me and I will give you the information. Additionally if you have new items to donate, please contact me as well.Thank you so much!
Clothing stores
Jewelry (to get cuff links for the groom)
Judaica
Linen
Kitchen sets
Beds
Furniture

Thanks again,
[name]

Pray tell, how long does the family intend to keep up this facade? And for the purpose of providing a young chatan and kallah with *cuff links,* judaica, linens, and furniture? And what sort of house of straw are these parents setting up for a couple? One only hopes that the presumption of money is not one that the shidduch itself is based upon. Many young couples have an expectation of receiving "help" well into marriage itself. Here it looks more likely that the couple themselves will need to prepare for helping their own parents out!

Facades are futile. I know one person that found out things weren't are rosy are assumed then the family car was reposed (makes it hard to get to work too). I know another person that found out her 'well to do' family wasn't so well to do when she lend the her credit card before her wedding and never was paid back.

I can only imagine that there will be a lot of anger as the masks come off and families discover just how much money was invested in shtus like cuff links and how little has been invested in paying off a home, buying life insurance/long term care insurance, putting away for retirement, and paying for an education.

My advice to those being solicited for cuff links while many of our families are facing unemployment and salary cuts and our institutions are facing liquidity problems: send your tzedakah elsewhere. Young couples will not only live without cuff links and overpriced linens, but it will be character building. But you can send them a link to Craigslist or the address of the nearest Target in the spirit of Hachnasat Kallah.

Dealing With Reality Gracefully

I have three posts lined up about those unable to deal with reality, but I thought I would rather start with examples of two people who are dealing with reality because their stories are inspiring. Plus, a valued reader of this blog kindly suggested I try to lighten things up despite the seriousness of the subjects being addressed (as of late, I've perhaps made one too many tuition posts). With Adar in the wings, I want to try to keep things a bit lighter, so I am going to try to insert more informative posts and even inspiring posts with some heavier subject matter.

Hat Tip: VIN. I really liked this CBS News Story. What a beautiful approach this elderly, but spry couple has to loosing it all: they deal with it with no shame! The 90 year old husband, who once had a business of his own, has come out of retirement to work for $10 an hour in a grocery store.

Another Madoff victim, 60 years old, from West Goshen Township, PA has started working as a maid and caretaker for an elderly friend's mother. She has some assets she is selling and is actively working to reduce her expenses. But at 60 years old she realizes she needs to rebuild and is taking on the challenge. I wish her much success in re-certifying as a registered nurse. I find both of these rebuilding stories inspiring.

I also recently read a story about older Americans, some who have lived through the depression, returning to work as their retirement assets are proving inadequate. One man told the reporter, "I'll take what I can get." I have a feeling this attitude will bring much success.

Update: Dave in DC these stories aren't happy, make you dance, but lately people and/or organizations dealing with reality, rather than trying to pretend it away makes me happy.

Oy! The Octuplets Case Gets Worse

Sorry if you aren't interested in hearing more about the Octuplets (see previous post). The story continues to intrigue me for numerous reasons and I know I'm not alone.

So the newest turn in the story is not only was the mother bankrupt earlier this year, but the grandmother's house, where the daughter her children are living (and in the case of the Octuplets are supposed to live), is under foreclosure.

The grandmother is a caregiver to these 6 children before the Octuplets and reports that she spends her entire retirement check raising the 6 children prior to the birth of the octuplets. But obviously her check doesn't stretch far enough because soon they won't have a roof over their head should the bank follow through with the foreclosure. May 5 is the date the bank can auction off the house.

I think the story intrigues me so much partly because the mother, despite coming off very sympathetically, appears to suffer from a terrible case of entitlement (entitlement on steroids), a subject that has its own tag on this blog. She bankrupts, moves in with her mother, continues to have children through IVF she pays for, continues to go to school while her mother spends herself into foreclosure. She has stated that she will need a tremendous amount of help when the Octuplets come home (if there is a home to come home to) and expects her friends to volunteer. What's next? This is beyond ridiculous.

I'm a mad taxpayer and I don't even live in the currently broke State of California.

That's a Lot of Staff to Layoff

I feel like my blog is on tuition post overload, so I promise a change of pace soon.

Marvin Schick is back to writing a lot about the tuition crisis. While this article is about the possibility that some Modern Orthodox families will crack under the current pressures and withdraw their children from day schools as charter schools and programs like the proposed Hebrew Immersion program in Englewood develop, the note that jumped out at me was this:

Charedi or fervently Orthodox schools invariably live with tight financial shoes, even in the best of times. These institutions are, in the main, relatively generous in providing scholarship assistance to needy families and their tuition base is weak. The sharp economic downturn is making matters a good deal worse. A large girls school in Brooklyn is months behind in payroll and is planning to reduce its faculty by forty. A yeshiva tells me that it is five months behind and another that it is seven months behind and so it goes, without a silver lining to be seen.

What school has 40 employees to lay off? Goodness, my own public high school of 1500 only employees 60 teachers!

While Mr. Schick focuses on the troubles that lie ahead for the Modern Orthodox world (in an earlier article he writes, "greatest damage will occur at non-Orthodox day schools and perhaps also Orthodox schools that serve a modern clientele because a combination of high tuition and lost income and savings will result in the withdrawal of students who will transfer to public school."), I think it should be self-evident that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the hill. At least he doesn't make the call for voucher or government funding realizing that it just won't happen.

What he does suggest are the following:

• Jewish Education, Inc.-Stop spending money of expensive training programs, trips, conferences, and conventions. The money is better used at the local level.
• Merger - The least likely approach. Mr. Schick points out that 40% of all yeshivas and day schools enroll fewer than 100 students (and yes, many of them are in large metro areas).
• Cooperative Activities - If mergers are impossible, sharing resources amongst smaller schools.
• Annual Dinner - Cut costs around the edges.
• Trips - Give parents a break and reduce trips.
• Conventions and Conferences - Schools should not be spending on these trips, especially while their obligations are not being met.
• PTA - Should consider how to directly assist school officials with their obligations.
• Attitude-"What is essential is the recognition that there is a crisis, that this is not a time for business as usual. Nor is it the time for denial of reality or its corollary in our religious life that faith is essential and that with faith alone Torah institutions will get by."

Can the Burden Be Spread?

An article printed in the 5TJT appears on VIN prompting over 150 comments. The article as printed at the 5TJT was titled "Getting Serious About the Tuition Crisis," while at VIN it was titled "New York - Economic Hardship Prompts Jewish Couples To Postpone Childbearing Until They Can Afford It" hence the proliferation of comments.

The article did mention briefly that there are some young people who discuss postponing children until they can "afford it," although that wasn't the entire focus of the article, just a note in the article that was highlighted by VIN. I'm not sure that the impact of tuition on family size is really anything new. What I do believe is new are the challenges that young people face.

Many couples are entering married life with limited income. The income issue isn't limited to kollel couples in the least! For every current kollel couple, I can think of several couples for which at least one spouse is a full time students (sometimes both). These families are in a highly transient stage of life and the working spouse might end up moving from job to job during this time, never quite setting down roots anywhere.

Compounding the limited income issue is that of debt, especially student loan debt. Student loan debt has become the norm and it isn't uncommon to find a couple carrying amounts topping six figures. As many of these young families do have children they find it more and more difficult to meet their debt obligations and their increased costs of day care, food, etc. A number of people will postpone payment on the student loans where they can show hardship to make room for cash needs now, but the loans are left to fester and often other debts creep up, what I like to call debt begetting debt.

But enough of that. While the VIN commentors scream about emunah and bitachon, I want to take a look at the author's three suggestions to alleviate a crisis that he properly acknowledges was years in the making:

1. Shift the financial burden of educating our children from a parental one to a communal one.
2. The schools need to reexamine their costs structures.
3. Get personal spending under control.

Number three really strikes a chord with me. When Yosef starting tackling the famine in Mitzrayim he started in year one. We are well into our own famine, but during the seven fat years, the level of spending can only be defined as obese (not in every household, of course, but in far too many). It sure isn't going to be easy trying to tackle the issues in year 9.

One has to wonder how different things would be for our Torah institutions and individual households if restraint had been exercised in nearly every area of spending for the past decade, two decades, or three decades. But you can't go back in time, so we have to lie in the bed we made. And the bed we are lying in was put on a credit card!

Which brings me to suggestion one. I have a number of other articles in my files suggesting the same, i.e. that the cost of a day school/yeshiva education needs to be shared by the entire community. I happen to agree with that suggestion. But, I also have to ask:

What percentage of households in the Orthodox community are NOT paying for education?

Is there any significant sliver of the Orthodox population that is not doing one of the following:
1. Paying off their own education(s),
2. Paying for at least one child's education
3. Paying for their grand children's education directly or indirectly through some type of support including non-monetary support such as regular babysitting so the adult children can make ends meet.

I sure do hope that there is a sizable population that with a bit of convincing will come to the rescue of our schools and lift some of the burden. But, when I look around my own shul, I don't see a large number of people who are not in the midst of paying for Jewish Education and/or teaching their son (daughter) a trade, or for that matter teaching them self a trade.

Is Jewish Education Inherently More Expensive?

There is a common belief in the Orthodox world that a day school/yeshiva education is by design simply more expensive to offer than the education offered in public schools as the Yeshiva offers a "dual curriculum."

As a person who not only attended public school, but also has been through my own public school's budget at the young age of 15 years old in a concerted effort with a group of friends and parents to save a particular public school program that benefited nearly half of the student body at the time, I think I have at least some idea of the many expenses lining your average school district's budget. And the idea that yeshivot offer MORE (i.e. the dual curriculum) and therefore will be inherently more expensive leaves me shaking my head.

Those who argue that a General + Judaic Education equals more staff apparently have never seen what public schools offer. Obviously public schools are not offering a Judaic Education, but nearly every school district offers a number of (daily) classes and electives beyond the three R's offered by both public schools and yeshiva schools. My own high school offered a very comprehensive vocational program including drafting, auto shop, construction, metal shop, wood shop, typing, and bookkeeping. The school district even employed a vocational career counselor to guide those entering the workforce immediately. Anyone wonder what costs go into running a serious auto shop program?

Electives included various visual art programs including computer aided graphic arts and photography. Academic electives included journalism and creative writing. And there was a jazz band, two levels of concert bands, an orchestra, marching band and auxiliaries, strings, various levels of choir, and drama courses, to say nothing of the student run choral groups and musical ensembles. Are there any yeshiva schools that own an inventory of percussion instruments, oboes, tubas, trombones, and cellos, all of which require repair?

But even if one ignores the cost of running an auto shop or a technology program or a vocational hospitality program (read: vocational programs where students cook all day) because these programs take up less time that they typical yeshiva day, it is impossible to ignore the SPORTS programs which I believe give public schools their own "dual curriculum." Few yeshiva schools that I know offer much more than a once or twice a week PE program and a small handful of sports. My own high school offered 24 sports. Each sport has a junior varsity (jv) program in addition to the varsity program. And larger high schools also offer a freshman teams in a select number of sports. Lest you think the coaches work for free, they don't! Each program coach receives a stipend for the season. I recently was able to access the figures for the school district I live in currently and the stipends were give or take $5000. Coaches alone for a school sports program can easily run a $250,000. How many Rebbes will a quarter million hire?

Anyone want to take a guess about how much it costs to insure a sports program for liability? My recollection of the figure is a bit fuzzy, but it isn't cheap. Add in an athletic director for each high school. Add in busing for games. Add in wages for the bus drivers. Add in sports equipment. Add in maintenance for sports fields. Add in maintenance or rental costs for pools. And, of course, when you are playing football in the stadium or basketball in the gym, the lights need to be on until late into the night.

By this point, I've hopefully made my point that pubic schools aren't offering a "half curriculum" but rather there own "dual curriculum." Now you can add in summer school (read: more payroll costs), ESL programs, comprehensive special education programs some of which include extremely low staff to student ratios, mass busing, some night school programs, some alternative programs, and, oh, day care for some of those alternative programs. At this point it appears that the public schools, which were rumored to only offer a "single curriculum," now seem to be paying for a lot more than staff to teach reading, writing, and math (subjects I'd prefer see get more emphasis).

Sorry, at this point I have a hard time accepting that a Day School/Yeshiva education is inherently more expensive than a regular school program. And we haven't even touched upon discrepancies in salaries and benefit programs, although more modern day schools/yeshivot are trying to catch up here.

Now I do believe that there is plenty of reason to believe that a yeshiva education in its current format IS more expensive and that is based on small school and small classroom size. Simply put it is very expensive to pay for a large staff for a not so large student body. The dual curriculum doesn't appear to be the driving cost as much as the structure. But that is just my opinion.

Add your comments and let me know if you believe day school education is inherently more expensive than its counterpart or if the difference in cost lies in factors having less to do with a dual curriculum and more to do with other factors.

Guest Post: A suggestion for parents struggling to pay yeshiva tuition.

I figured I would present one reader's way of working out tuition with their children's school. I know that not one school in my on area would agree to this method. Read on and leave your comments. Nonetheless, I always love hearing the experiences of those who have found their own personal solutions.

When my first child started school a number of years ago I sat down with the executive director and had a discussion about what I could afford to pay. My wife and I both work for large non-jewish companies and our complete annual earnings are directly reflected in our W-2's.

I showed him what I make and offered to pay a percentage of our net income. He was more then happy to accept it. It was not the full tuition, but was a relatively large portion. 5 years later and with more children in yeshivos I am still using this method. It has worked in different yeshivos as needed.

One of the biggest challenges the yeshivos face is the inability to adequately gauge an individuals ability to pay vs their willingness to pay. There are still many out there who believe that vacations, pesach in a hotel and 2 leased cars come before paying full tuition. In addition, many work for themselves or work "off the books" and come up with ridiculius numbers of what they actually really earn.

If you are willing to come forward with a fair solution and are willing to be completely open and honest, yeshivos will act in kind.

When the debate centers around what is a fair price
to charge you will never find an answer

Could Public Schools Handle An Enrollment Increase?

There is a large group of people who believe that if the Orthodox community could come together and enroll all of its students in public school for one year that the public schools officials would start to sweat profusely and would start asking for school vouchers as there is no way that they could handle the influx of new students.

Perhaps it is only because I have a bit of passing familiarity with public schools, but I have yet to buy into this theory which I have seen thrown about. My friend MominIsrael sent me this article which hopefully will help put this theory to rest so that we can start to move from the dream mode that with a bit of achdut/achdus we can make vouchers a reality,* and into the reality mode that (at least for now) we are on our own, cannot rely on a miracle, and are going to have to keep funding our schools on our own.

The author of this article was responding to the assertion in a previous letter that objected to the half day public, half day religious model for many reasons including: "Lastly, the absorption of the yeshiva students to the public school would overwhelm the public system in Teaneck and other locations in North Jersey as well in parts of New York City. How does Ms. Citron suggest that the public schools deal with the special requirements imposed by the absorption of a large number of Orthodox students?" The author writes about a time when he had sat down with previous superintendent of the Teaneck schools to talk about some sort of half day school plan that could accommodate the Orthodox student. The superintendent liked the plan and, surprised, the author asked "Won’t it strain your system?”

The answer: “Yes," “That would happen in the short run. But the thought of having all those bright kids and their involved parents is extremely appealing. Those parents care deeply about their kids’ educations, and the entire school system would benefit from their input and involvement.”

I think it is time to put the theory to rest that the public schools would throw vouchers at us if we were to enroll our student in mass in the public school system to make a statement. As it stands now, many public schools facing crowded conditions have implemented alternative schedules. E.g., one school I lived near had two kindergarten schedules a day, early morning start and afternoon start. Somehow, they accommodated these students in older grades too. If the community where to buy into the theory that the public schools would throw funding and/or vouchers to keep our kids should be enroll in mass in public school, I'm afraid the joke would be on us.

Note: This post should not be construed as supportive of a half day public-half day religious model. I am ony looking at the assertion that the public schools wouldn't be able to handle the enrollment increase.

*I happen to support school vouchers, but the widespread public support needed is simply not there at this time, nor do I believe it is likely to materialize in the middle of a recession when public school students are seeing their own programs cut.

New Yorkers: This Is For You

Hat Tips: Rosie and Ezzie

Just in case you were wondering why you just can't seem to get ahead, it might be that you live in New York, the most expensive place to live in the USA, or even Queens, the 5th most expensive place to live in the USA. A new study by the Center for an Urban Future shows that NYC is so costly that a salary of $123,322 buys the same standard of living as $50,000 in Houston and a $60,000 salary in Manhattan, is equivalent to a $26,092 salary in Atlanta. Rents are 53% higher than the ridiculously priced San Francisco, the 2nd most expensive place to live in the USA.

New Yorkers also pay more for phone service, heating costs, and day care (although I do believe that within the Orthodox community day care is actually far, far less expensive in the boroughs than in any out of town community).

Tuition Won't Decrease/Stabilize Until. . . . . .

You fill in the blank!

I have it on good word that some camps have decided not to increase prices for this summer. I also have it on good word that there are pre-schools that are not going to increase tuition either.

There are private schools that are stabilizing tuition. There are non-Orthodox schools lowering tuition across the board . MominIsrael kindly pointed me to another article about two more non-Orthodox school in the Philadelphia area that are offering large tuition reductions regardless of financial need, but only for new students. This aggressive program is being headed by a new foundation, the Kohelet Foundation. The Kohelet Foundation appears to be looking to offer similar incentive programs in all schools. To qualify for funds, a school needs to submit a 10 year plan and give a summary of how the plan will impact "one or more of the following overall objectives: (a) growth in enrollment; (b) economic efficiencies; and (c) improvement in quality." I have no idea or not if the tuition subsidy programs that non-Orthodox schools are rolling out thrive in the long run. But it is obvious that these schools are making every attempt to compete in the face of shrinking enrollments and a down economy.

I have yet to hear about an (Orthodox) school that has not raised tuition. Some schools I have been tracking raised tuition a lesser percentage than in previous years, throwing my prediction of what tuition would be off by a few hundred dollars (I wish my predictions would be off by a few thousand dollars). Sadly, tuition rates for middle school and high school have climbed so high that at this point I don't really think that it matters to me if they raise tuition in coming years by 0% or by 50%. We have officially been priced out.

Why is it that camps are stabilizing prices and offering incentives to get parents in the door, while schools continue to operate like it's business as usual? I think the answer is simple! Camps, pre-schools, and private schools know that parents have alternatives and realize that they need to be competitive. In some cases, this may be a new realization, but nonetheless the realization has set it.

Orthodox schools I believe still believe they have a captive audience and despite talk in the blogosphere about things schools might want to consider, e.g. ProfK's latest posting "Yet Another Schooling Option" which is another variation on the cheder model," the schools aren't going to start experimenting with these ideas until/unless they believe that parents have become price sensitive. And, at this point, I think the schools have good reason to believe that Orthodox parents are not yet price sensitive.

Chime in please.

I'll Let My Husband Know He Should Park Elsewhere

This letter to the editor (emphasis mine) appeared in this week's Yated. I will let my husband know not to park our paid for, yet highly unfashionable car far away from the local Yeshiva Gedolah. I really, really, really hope this letter is a pre-Purim joke!

THE PARKING LOT
Dear Editor,
I would like to raise an issue that I know many of my fellow talmidei hayeshiva and yungeleit feel strongly about. When parking a car in a yeshiva parking lot, it is important to remember that your car is reflecting a makom Torah in chutz la’aretz. Therefore, it is highly inappropriate to park certain vehicles in a yeshiva parking lot.
If your car looks like it has been used for drag racing, it does not belong in the parking lot.
If your car is so high off the ground that you need clearance from the air traffic controller, then your car does not belong in the parking lot.
If your car has undergone so many surgical procedures that it now bears more resemblance to an antique piece of furniture than a car, you should find another place to park.
Last, but not least, if your car has doors that are a different color than the frame of your car, or if your car has been dented so many times that it should have a bumper sticker reading, “This car made it through the asteroid belt,” your car certainly should not be parked in the parking lot.
If you are a true ben Torah, then you should look like a ben Torah, act like a ben Torah, and drive like a ben Torah.
Sincerely,
Yankel Shprecher
A Bochur in Yeshiva

Number 1, I could teach some of these b'nai Torah a few things about driving. And regarding our worn down car and those like it, I will quote a famous bumper sticker: "Don't laugh, it's paid for." Perhaps someone can print a bumper sticker for the car pool line that reads: "Tuition assistance made possible this jalopy."

No wonder the frum community is up to its eyes in debt!!!

Right on Topic: Patronizing Frum Businesses

This week's Yated has a letter from a wife who would like to support Orthodox owned businesses, but is tired of the business practices. As much as people yell and scream about our halachic obligation to patronize Jewish owned businesses, even if it costs a bit more (and all too often, the price differential will quickly relieve the consumer of any such obligation), I still maintain that these businesses need to become more competitive and diversify their clientele. As families find their budget increasingly squeezed, if you don't run a competitive business, you will see less business.

THE PRICE IS RIGHT
Dear Editor,

There was talk a while ago in the Readers Write column of purchasing products mainly in heimishe owned businesses and the like. I tried to commit myself to doing this, yet I was a bit troubled by a phenomenon that kept recurring in some (maybe even many) heimishe supermarkets or stores. This includes some of the upstate supermarkets as well.

Where are the prices? Where are the signs displaying that one product is cheaper than the next or individual price tags on the packages?

How can a mother or anyone go shopping if she cannot compare one product to the next in terms of price?

Some stores say, “We have an in-store scanner,” or, “Ask the cashier.” So every time I want to compare the price of a product I have to run to the scanner or cashier?! Who has the time for that?

I walked into a food store recently and began shopping, but I couldn’t decide what to buy - because there were no prices shown! I was approached by the owner who asked me, “Can I help you? What are you looking for?” I answered, “I am looking for prices.” The storeowner looked at me and didn’t know what to say. I just left and shopped elsewhere.

I am a cash-paying customer, and there are many like me who would like to continue patronizing Jewish groceries and stores. However, if this keeps up, we will have to patronize the stores (heimish or otherwise) that have prices on or near their products in order to save money in these trying times.

Name Withheld

Business owners who are looking to improve their lot need to study the market they are in. Besides the suggestion above about clearly marking prices, here are a few more:

• Improve customer service. Here is a personal example: I recently called a certain out of the way kosher grocery that carries a product that is very competitively priced to find out if it was in the refrigerator case, as I have made the drive before only to find out they are out of stock. The lady answering the phone told me if I wanted to find out, I would need to come in the store. Never mind that her phone is about 20 steps away from where the product sits. I ended up taking my business to a regular grocery store that offers some great coupons for large orders which brings me to just about the same price on this product and while I'm there I can get everything else, as well as use my (double) coupons.
• Put your advertisements up on your website or on a community list serve before your sale starts. You may have specials, but if I don't find out about it until your sale is finished, I'm not going to shop in your store. I make a list for the week and decide where I am going. You need to draw me into your store by letting me know what you are offering. I don't have time or patience to drop in your store to find out what you have on special.
• And, I'm still waiting for the drive-by window. I don't care to bring my kids into cramped kosher markets. Shopping in the regular market is a pleasure with the wide aisles and fireman carts that hold the attention of my kids. Walking into most kosher stores makes my blood pressure rise.

Orthonomic Poppouri

More Fundraising
YWN reports that the Chinuch Atzmai system in Eretz Yisrael is broke. Per protocol, rabbis flew from Israel to Lakewood to draw attention to the urgent situation and an asifa was held in Lakewood. The solution (drum roll please) more fundraising. The address where you can send donations is at YWN.

This article has made HonestlyFrum scream dayenu! He writes at YWN:

"Where do they expect the money to come from? We are going broke trying to send our own kids to Yeshiva. The unfortunate reality is that in these tough times after we finish paying our own bills and tuition (those who pay some or all) there is no money left."

And on his own blog:

"The schools cannot, and have not been able to for a while, sustain themselves without looking outside for funding sources. The problem is all those sources are currently, and for the foreseeable future, dried up. Both the MO and charedi system need to be revamped and overhauled, and they need to be done together without senseless bickering about hashkafah. The current model needs to be broken down and in its place something different and better needs to be built. It's time that our community left its comfort zone and began radically rethinking the model of Jewish Education. "

I find it ironic that the meeting was held in Lakewood, the city that saw their own teachers go on strike due to non-payment only 2 months ago. Perhaps they found a hoard of money somewhere and can now go on to not only support education in their own city, but education in Eretz Yisrael?

I don't want to be rude, but it seems that leadership is not in touch with the plight of the average American tuition paying parent.

Speaking of appeals, yet another (very needed) appeal.
YWN is reporting that this Shabbat all Young Israel, Orthodox Union and Agudah affiliated synagogues will be making an "Emergency Parnasa Appeal." The press release reports the growing unemployment rates in cities such as Passaic and Brooklyn and the growing pressure on Tomchei Shabbos in Lakewood. It appears that funds will be designated to the same community as the donor. Monsey, Flatbush, and Boro Park have dollar-to-dollar matching funds available.

Bizarre economics are not surprisingly alive and well amongst YWN commentors. One commentor appeals to readers to keep making lavish simchas and keep shopping (by frum vendors). Another commentor believes we need to open our pockets more and shop at frum businesses so that they can hire more frum people. Another commentor yells "We must buy everything we can from [J]ews. This will help their family stay above the line, and then they will pass it on to another [J]ew."

In my (hopefully more educated opinion) the economic problems the frum community is experiencing are related to a low (perhaps negative) savings rate, high consumption lifestyle, and too much dependency on the frum community. Yes, we should patronize Jewish businesses, certainly where the halacha requires such. But, what is very needed is OUTSIDE money coming in. Jewish business owners need to be seeking a larger client base that is not solely or even heavily dependent on the community at large. Cutting back is going to become a way of life out of necessity, like it or not. It is sink or swim time and business owners are going to need to find ways to diversify their client base so that you are not dependent on one particular type of client.

The latter commentor also tells business owners they need to hire Jews, even if you have to pay a higher rate. Perhaps this commentor isn't familiar with just how thin the profit margin is in business? I'm an accountant and will tell you that 1) hiring employees is very costly and 2) profit margins are thin and there often isn't much breathing room to start throwing more money at one employee over another, to say nothing of the potential legal liability. And, no, not *every* dollar you spend in a Jewish business will land in Jewish hands.

Sadly, we learn that a man who operated a 'free' grocery store in Brooklyn can no longer continue doing so as his rainy day has sadly come, may he have a refuah sheleima.

What is the State of the Union?
Meanwhile, Ezzie has put together a Jewish Economics survey. I'm not sure what he will do with it. But the survey is fairly comprehensive and I'm hoping Ezzie will send the date to the OU, the Agudah, Young Israel, and some day schools and yeshivot so that they understand the few are holding out, but rather trying to hold on (as I believe is the general case).

And speaking of dependency
Kiryas Joel is the most dependent locale in the United States. Yeah, not a badge of honor and certainly not good news as the American taxpayer gets increasingly tired of bloated social services budgets while their own kids are seeing classroom sizes increase, etc.

But Speaking of Badges of Honor. . . I'll Wear This One
Meanwhile, frequent commentor Ariella of Kallah Magazine kindly pointed an imamother poster to the Guest Post on a $3000 Brooklyn wedding. The poster writes that she and her husband both work, but between living costs and tuitions they have "NO" money to make a wedding. She states they have a large family and there is no way to make a small wedding (how can she not invite 1st cousins?) and is therefore looking to "find help in paying/arranging this wedding"

The ideas of the Guest Poster were dismissed out of hand by another poster who writes:

"as for the orthonomics post - half of the things she mentioned we dont even do (wedding cake, wedding favors, fancy kesubah) and half the things are not shayich (not everyone has a brogther who can videotape the wedding, a rabbi isnt an expense - anyone is siddur kidushin, you just tip them - , we dont do a bar, the badeken chair comes as part of the wedding hall package, inviting 100 people isnt shayich as our family is bigger than that), and there's a lot more to making a chasuneh other than the wedding itself - the gifts, theh furniture, the trousseau... "

I will tell you what isn't "shayich" having NO savings, especially in a down economy! The poster reports were daughter only wants the parents make a wedding, which is good, because quite frankly anything more for a large family living paycheck to paycheck that will likely be repeating this process in the not so far off future would be ridiculous.

Not that anyone is listening (the advice at this blog isn't "shayich"), but here is my advice. It is good advice for anyone lacking savings or in debt that senses the urgency of building an emergency fund and/or getting out of debt:

• Go on a complete spending freeze and place all saved funds into a separate, interest bearing account. Unless you absolutely need something, and by that I mean every pair of shoes in your closet has a hole through to the foot, don't buy it.
• Get rid of services you can do without from now until the wedding. Bake don't buy; clean don't outsource; and day camp is a clear winner over overnight camp. Should either parent be off in the summer-the kids stay home unless they are working.
• For everything else that you do need (food, utilities, etc), declare a 20% budget cut. Heat gets turned down; showers get taken in 5 minutes; laundry gets hung up to dry; coupons get cut; if someone can walk to do/get something, they walk; beans, rice, and vegetable soups become dinner staples.
• Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. Will the caterer come down on the price? Would he come down on the price if you skip the salad course? Is a sheet cake less expensive than a plated dessert? (I know, I know, it's not "shayich).
• Decide what your top priority is vis a vis the wedding, and put every other want on the back burner until you have covered the cost for the biggest desire. E.g., if you want to feed 200, don't even think about renting dresses for all the sisters from a gemach when the dry cleaning bill will run the cost of 10 meals. Shabbat outfits will do. My readers tell me using a gemach can be expensive, so you need to be careful.

Shiurim on "Perui U'revu" and Halachic Issues of the Tuition Crisis

March 22nd (Sunday Evening) in Teaneck at Congregation Bnai Yeshurun - 641 West Englewood Rd., Teaneck, N.J there will be two back-to-back shiurim with REITS Roshei Yeshiva Rav Mordechai Willig and Rav Hershel Schachter.

I am hoping that I can get at least two readers of this blog to take detailed notes for this blog on both shiurim, If you are willing to step up to the plate, please email me sooner than later.

Thanks.

Money and Marriage and Getting Off on the Right Foot:
Speak Up and Don't Hold Your Peace

Frequent commentor Rosie alerted me to a new section at Chabad.org on The Economy: Surviving and Surmounting the Current Financial Crunch. There are a number of columns up ranging from inspiration to tips. I will probably review some of the better ones, as well as the ones that require some alternative commentary. The one I am taking a look at now definitely requires some alternative commentary.

I don't know if the "Dear Rachel" column that is featured here is the same Rachel that dismissed a possibly gambling problem writing, "Everyone knows his/her own limits." Clearly if everyone knew there limits, blogs like this would be completely unnecessary. If this is the same Rachel, she is near to striking out in my book when it comes to giving financial advice. Here is another example. I have been kindly informed that the Dear Rachel Q & A at Chabad.org is NOT the same 'Rachel' that writes for the Jewish Press. My comments on the column stand, but there is NO connection between the JP's Rachel and Chabad's Rachel. My apologies.

A newlywed wife writes to Rachel with the complaint that her husband, a freelancer with an inconsistent income, is spending like he has endless resources. She is watching the credit card bills mount and doesn't want the things he keeps buying for her.

Rachel's advice all falls into the "gentle" category:

• The wife should make the husband feel secure so he doesn't need to resort to shopping as an outlet. It is true that some people get a (temporary) feeling of control when making a transaction.
• The wife should refrain from making comments about material things because it might be putting the husband under pressure is he feels he is not supporting the wife as she would like. Earlier Rachel wonders if the husband is spending because he thinks that is what he should do to keep a wife happy. In the frum world, sometimes it can look like buying is a competitive sport. And young newlywed husbands are often advised to buy their wife trinkets and flowers for Shabbat. This is not advice I'm fond of.
• The wife should look for alternatives to lessen overall spending and replace extravagances. As an example, Rachel suggests "Surprise him and cook a nice dinner for the two of you or make a picnic."
• The wife should remind the husband that she didn't marry him for his money and that she doesn't love him for the things he buys for her.

Unfortunately, if the husband keeps up his current spending pattern, despite such assurances, he may find that the marriage begins to crumble because of, yes, money. Women generally marry with the expectation that the bond of marriage will better our lot in life as we undertake the task of having and raising children. The ketubah puts the onus of supporting a wife and family on the husband, and a husband who lacks impulse control is going to make marriage a lot harder.

If the letter writer wrote a Dear Orthonomics letter, the advice would be a lot less "gentle." Instead of recommending the wife reassure her husband that she didn't marry him for his money and recommending that the wife undertake the task of finding more and more ways to lessen spending while the husband runs up credit card bills laden with compounding interest that will quickly overtake the money saving ideas she implements until it is simply no longer to keep up, I would recommend a direct and urgent approach.

I see no reason why a wife should not approach her husband and just say want needs to be said (no dropping clues, no sugar coating, no infantalizing the husband because he should be able to handle hearing that the budget isn't working out, well, it isn't), e.g. she could say, "We need to get on a spending plan NOW because if we do not get on a spending plan immediately there will be long term consequences." There is a place in life for the gentle approach, but I believe that dropping clues to the husband while he reinforces behavior patterns and a "lifestyle" and the interest continues to compound, is doing neither the husband or the wife any favors. Eventually debt will catch up to them (I noted the newlywed wife refers to the credit cards as "his" but finances in marriage "ours" even if you keep separate accounts), and compound whatever other challenges come their way.

Rachel does writes, "If over time you see that there is no way for the two of you together to bring your (or his) spending under control, you may want to consider seeking the advice of a financial planner or even a therapist." I wouldn't wait to tackle the problem because it will only get bigger because that is what debt does: gets bigger.

Back to the beginning of the letter to Rachel, I noted that the newlywed wife was under a false impression about her husband's means. She writes: "I always thought he could afford his more lavish lifestyle." Those in the shidduch parsha, please take note. Appearances are deceiving and the extension of ridiculous amounts of credit makes appearances even more deceiving. Part of due diligence should be to ascertain what the financial position will be in the marriage. In a world where credit is extended so easily, you cannot trust your eyes.

Is There a Such Thing as Too Many?

If you haven't heard, a story hit the news earlier last week about a California woman who gave birth to Octuplets after only expecting seven. She asked for privacy, but more details have continued to leak including the following:

* The mother is 33 years old.
* She has six other children ages 7, 6,5, 3, and 2 year old twins, bringing the total number of children to 14 all 7 years and younger.
* One of the children is autistic.
* She declared bankruptcy earlier this year.
* She is unmarried. (It is unclear how she became a fertility patient and what methods of fertility treatments were used as the only information that is known to this point is based on the grandmother's statements).
* The grandmother isn't particularly supportive of her child's choices, but didn't want to kick her out as the grandmother's therapist recommended.
* She lives with her parents in a home, reported to be no larger than 1500 square feet.
* Her father is going back to Iraq to help "support" the children (me thinks he may have other reasons for wanting to leave the home).
* She has a degree in child development.

I've been accused of being 'chicken' when it comes to addressing the topics relating to large family. I was accused of this in the comments of a "Guest Post: The Real Subject We Can't Talk About." I'm hoping to get a little braver by using this ridiculous story as a starting point for some more frank discussion. Since the mother/family involved in this story is not Jewish, it is a little easier to be frank since they don't live next door.

So here is my still wimpy start to a discussion about family size and finances:

*Is there a such thing as too many children?
*Is there a such thing too many children too close together?
*Is there a such thing as not being able to afford to have children?
*Is the household situation ever bad enough to preclude having children? (I.e. marriage on the rocks, too much dependence on outside help including grandparents).
*Is there a such thing as too many children living in too small of a place?
*Is it a good idea to have more children when the demands of existing children are high (special needs, autism, downs syndrome)?
*Is it appropriate to continue to have children if going on welfare programs is the only real solution to feeding them?

My own answers are perhaps and/or yes to every single question. I love seeing large families that really have it together. But this story is so problematic, "mazal tov" isn't the response I'm having. And judging from the comments on this story all over the web, I don't think there is a taxpayer in the completely broke State of California that is screaming out "mazal tov" either. The only group that seems to think the story is cute in any way shape or form are those commenting at VIN and at Imamother who are still mad at Nancy Pelosi for her comments on contraception and reducing costs to the government. (I might completely disagree with her approach, but she is correct that the US and State governments are drowning under the weight of social programs).

Take this thread wherever you want to. I'm hoping my next few posts will be on the subject of DEPENDENCY. Unfortunately, the frum community has one again made their mark in the news in a story about welfare.