I want to address this particular comment from my previous post. I'm pasting the comment in full, but I only will be expanding on the first part of the question, "developing a skill set":
SL, you suggest that the parents should be "developing the skills that are keeping them from seeing the possibility in homeschooling." While homeschooling is great for some and some parents are terrific at it, this not something that everyone can simply develop a skill set in. Parents who are not cut out for home schooling would be doing their kids a great disservice. Have we come to the point where we believe kids are better off home schooled just to keep them away from the goyin, even if it means a lousy education, rather than use some of the wonderful free public schools that are available either where you live or simply by moving a short distance? If you are a great teacher and your kids are suited for homeschooling, then go for it, but it is not something that every parent should be considering. . . . My comments: I wasn't so clear in my comment as I was hinting to a larger phenomenon that I see all the time.
I see a tremendous amount of money being spent on care even where parents are available, to say nothing of communal resources (think chessed babysitting hours provided by teenage girls, as well as actual donations ). The biggest expense is summer camp. Whether it is sleep away camp, day camp, or backyard camps, it is rare even for parents who are home to forgo outside care. Then there is after-after care. Many parents hire help for the after-school hours, often advertising for someone to assist them with homework and bedtime. There are groups on yom tov and Shabbat, but no matter the set up, they are rarely manned by parents, most often teenage girls working on a paid or volunteer basis. Break is coming and for some children (with a parent who is also on break), this means more camp. It is also rare for a pre-kindgergarten student to go to pre-school a half day. Nearly all are children are in school a full day.
From what I hear and read, many parents struggle tremendously when they have their children home even for a small school break. And, that is where I think we all need to start and build more "homeschooling" skills regardless of whether or not we ever homeschool. On a purely financial basis, there are tremendous savings to be able to care for all our children when we are available, rather than outsource that care. Beyond the finances of it all, I think it is important to give quantity of time to our children. Furthermore, I think it is important for our children to have the consistency of care that can best be offered by a parent. While I sometimes like my children to go to a Shabbat group or the like, I have sat in and witnessed that the leaders lack authority and that the kids lack the consistency that they should have in their regular home and school environments. I just don't see the benefit of bouncing between school, home, multiple caregivers, multiple summer camp and other care environments.
I'm going to introduce a few of my own tricks of the trade for managing my own crew and I hope readers will add some of their own tips and successes to keep the series active. Apologies if my tips are so obvious that I'm spilling virtual ink by even sharing them:
1.
Get down on the floor: My kids want attention (lots of it!). But, there is just so much to be done. In many homes, laundry is the nemesis. There is just so much of it and the pile never stops growing.
When I work on a task like laundry, regardless of the participation that day of my kids, I try to sit on the floor. While sorting, folding, hanging, I am able to provide an increased level of attention to a child. I can read a story book, or just watch a child color. Playing a game is tough, but doable too.
2.
Regroup: When the behavior is going south, or about to go south, regroup. Have everyone put away what they are doing, take a breather on different chairs or couches, and then start anew. If the kids need to go back to their bedroom and come out again, try that.
3.
Assign a Task: My friends complain that their children are "bored." I can't say that this is something I have personal experience with. But, when I do find that my kids are being unproductive or that they seem to be aimless, I sometimes just assign (not suggest, but actually sit them down with the new assigned task) the "bored" kid something to do. It might be a specific chore, a specific academic task or book to read, or it might be giving them an overlooked toy to play with.
4.
Managing the Environment: I find that when I am disorganized or the home is disorganized, the kids become less manageable. I make it a high priority to keep this home in good shape. Some of my friends take a different viewpoint and I've had many discussions about sticky countertops and happy children, the thought being that the kids should just have fun and the mess can be cleaned up when they are back in school (which falls far too close to Rosh Hashana to add massive deep cleaning into the routinue, imo). Personally I believe that respect for our home and our things is a value right from the Torah itself. Things should be put in their place. Toys should be returned with all the pieces in tact. And items must be cared for.
The bottom line for me is that when the home is neat and organized, I'm a better parent and a better person and the kids function better. If the home is in disarray, so are our attitudes.
5.
Lists: I tend to organize in my head, but I am increasingly finding that physical lists on the wall are key to communicating the expectations and schedules. Investing in the right system of cork boards, whiteboards, markers, dry or wet erase markers, is worthwhile.
Please share your tips for managing your children for those long stretches.
