Concern About Day Care from a Young Age



This summer things were so busy that we had no choice but to employ short term temporary day care while we took care of some major projects. Turns out some wonderful high school girls in our community, with whom we are family friends, decided to put on a "camp" during the weeks we needed. The leaders of the camp are trusted individuals who already have a relationship with our son as they have helped us during the occasional pinch. So, we happily set out our pre-school aged kid on his first no-parent-present half day excursion.


As expected, our son had a great time. He loved the counselors, he loved the projects, and he loved the water play. And I loved hearing reports back about his outstanding and independent (!) behavior. Of course, we expected only good reports back. But, it was gratifying to hear about how cooperative he is, how independent he is, and how beautifully he played with *all* of the children. . . . always sharing and trying to help everyone.

You see, for what seems like an eternity already, I've been on the defensive against those who strongly believe that we are hurting our children by not placing them in care outside of the home. We have been told our children will not know how to "socialize," will not learn how to share, and will not learn independence. Meanwhile, this kid will dress himself, make himself a sandwich, clean up small messes, throw laundry into the machine, help set the table, help prepare food by stirring or cutting soft fruits and vegetables (on a good day). But what do I know? Maybe other 3-4 year olds are cooking full dinners, cleaning the kitchen table, and doing the laundry while my kids are just bumbling around?

The other report from camp was not gratifying. Until the last day of camp, the counselors did not share with me the fact that while my son tried to play with everyone and was nice to everyone (their words, not mine), that he was routinely pushed away by many of the children. It certainly stung to hear this, but I was not particularly surprised.

Now I am not the type of parent who believes in sheltering my children from social disappointments and/or rejection. Not everyone is going to want to play with you, like you, or include you and sometimes you just have to "deal with it." Plus, I believe children to be resilient. But, I'm not sure that young children feeling rejected (which I imagine is a feeling even young children experience) is a positive growth experience, especially as they do not verbalize effectively.

A number of years ago, I was in the park listening to a group of mothers talking about the need to make sure they all got their children into a certain pre-school by age 4 because (quote) "by then they kids have their friends" (and they wanted to make sure their kids friends were of a certain social group). The conversation struck me as particularly odd and snotty at the time (still strikes me as such). Of course, where I grew up, one started forming their social circle around 5 or 6, rather than closing their social circle around age 4.

Times have obviously changed and I don't think it is particularly positive. At this point I will just end this post and let others voice their own thoughts. I'm experiencing writer's bloc.