A Report from a Hebrew Charter School Parent
It is always interesting to hear from parents who are testing an alternative, so it was nice to see a comment from Mark. I'm just reprinting the comment since the thread has a massive amount of comments already and I'd hate for helpful commentary to be lost in cyberspace.
This year, my wife and I decided to try something different. We took our 3 eldest out of Yeshiva day school (the 2 youngest are still at a Jewish preschool) and enrolled them in the local Hebrew Charter School instead. We also enrolled them in the separate Judaic Studies school in the afternoons in a different building nearby. So far, the results are as follows (in no particular order).
Positives:
1. Even though I hate to mention money first, and even though I admit that if I had a much higher income I would not have taken this step, it is the primary issue. Not having to pay the approximately $45,000 tuition payments (yes, about $4,500 a month, scary!) is a great relief. Especially this year after our income has fallen dramatically (and sadly doesn't appear to be rising anytime soon).
2. Their secular education seems to be quite good. Interestingly enough, our 10 year old, who usually does very well in every subject other than math, is suddenly also doing very well in math (On her first quarter report card she received a 98%/A in math, never having exceeded 90% in math before!). I attribute that sudden improvement in math skills almost completely to an online program that the school district (along with many other school districts) is using. It is shocking to see her rush to the computer in the evening to go through the skill sets in math, the very subject that she always described as "hating". The funny thing is that she still says that math is her worst subject even though he grades in math are comparable to the rest of her grades this year.
3. It is a small school (though slowly growing), so there is a good level of individual attention. For example, our 3'rd grader started with 8 students in her class, and it is now probably up to 9 or 10 students.
4. My kids are exposed to more diversity than they were at their MO day school. There are some African-American kids, and some Jamaican-American kids, and some Hispanic-American kids in their school. And, yes, all students study Hebrew (at various and appropriate levels, of course)!
5. The Judaic Studies program has a "Mitzvah fair" every month or two in which they focus on a particular "midah" and each class creates a display stand and an activity. It's really quite nice and I am very pleased that they are also making time to teach, and focus on, the concept of midot rather than spending all their time only on the typical straight Judaics as is done in many/most day schools.
Negatives:
1. The school is a bit of a drive from our home and we have to leave the house at about 7:15 each morning to arrive a few minutes before 8 for lineup before all the kids go to their classrooms.
2. The Judaic Studies program is run by a much more frum crowd than their previous MO day school was run by. The teachers are relatively young and sometimes teach the kids what I call "nonsense". For example a month or so ago, they taught about ESHE"L, or Achila, Shtiya, Leviya, and how important it is to perform all 3 parts of the mitzvah. Then they go ahead and tell the kids a story that "once a man did the mitzvah of Achila and Shtiya, but neglected the Leviya", and when you take away the Lamed from ESHE"L, you are left with ESH (fire), and because the man didn't complete the third part, his house burned down. This is utter nonsense, and shouldn't be taught at all, and certainly not to young children who often take things literally.
3. The Judaic Studies program isn't quite long enough, not so much because there isn't enough time allocated to it, but because it takes the young, and mostly inexperienced, teachers longer to get the kids to settle down, and because they tend to spend a little too much time on "fun things" like games, shabbat parties, etc.
All in all, we are mostly satisfied with our choice and will continue to reevaluate as the year progresses.
One re-evaluation just took place this month and we have decided to move our kids to a different Judaics program. This one was just too disorganized and the teachers just too young and/or untrained to handle a classroom full of kids.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Oops, The Model Is No Longer Working
A very interesting article on VIN that has hardly any comments about the impending Chareidi Housing implosion. An actuary could have pointed out that the "cash gemach" model isn't fiscally sound.
Speaking of other unsound plans, I recently read some comments regarding cash gemachs that people lend to, sometimes in order to shield assets, and others borrow from to pay bills. I have no idea what type of internal controls exist regarding asset protection, to say nothing of yashrut. I don't think my readers would consider such a fund, but I think it is incumbent on the rest of of to point out the obvious: co-mingling money in informal funds carries tremendous risk. "A fool and his money are soon parted." If you want to contribute to a free loan fund, do so. It is a mitzvah. If you want a checking account, head to your local FDIC insured bank and open up an account.
And speaking of other plans that don't work, I've recently seen print and Internet advertisements for a "life insurance" plan of sorts. Groups of frum people are pooled together and if someone passes away, each member's credit card is charged $6 per orphan to alleviate the crisis. The sentiment is lovely and carries plenty of endorsements, but note that the plan is NOT endorsed by actuaries. So much effort is placed into these plans, but they aren't fiscally sound (see CC discussion prior to the launch of this program). I simply just don't understand why tzedakah funds can't be used to help those with less purchase real life insurance plans from a reputable company. Less risk, same intention. Although the organization is honest that this is not a life insurance plan, I can easily see it being construed as a plan of sorts. I understand that many people who would not be inclined to purchase life insurance might be tempted to use their ma'aser dollars and join this plan. But ultimately I think we would be better off to educate people about the importance of life insurance and possibly help those with less purchase a plan.
A very interesting article on VIN that has hardly any comments about the impending Chareidi Housing implosion. An actuary could have pointed out that the "cash gemach" model isn't fiscally sound.
Speaking of other unsound plans, I recently read some comments regarding cash gemachs that people lend to, sometimes in order to shield assets, and others borrow from to pay bills. I have no idea what type of internal controls exist regarding asset protection, to say nothing of yashrut. I don't think my readers would consider such a fund, but I think it is incumbent on the rest of of to point out the obvious: co-mingling money in informal funds carries tremendous risk. "A fool and his money are soon parted." If you want to contribute to a free loan fund, do so. It is a mitzvah. If you want a checking account, head to your local FDIC insured bank and open up an account.
And speaking of other plans that don't work, I've recently seen print and Internet advertisements for a "life insurance" plan of sorts. Groups of frum people are pooled together and if someone passes away, each member's credit card is charged $6 per orphan to alleviate the crisis. The sentiment is lovely and carries plenty of endorsements, but note that the plan is NOT endorsed by actuaries. So much effort is placed into these plans, but they aren't fiscally sound (see CC discussion prior to the launch of this program). I simply just don't understand why tzedakah funds can't be used to help those with less purchase real life insurance plans from a reputable company. Less risk, same intention. Although the organization is honest that this is not a life insurance plan, I can easily see it being construed as a plan of sorts. I understand that many people who would not be inclined to purchase life insurance might be tempted to use their ma'aser dollars and join this plan. But ultimately I think we would be better off to educate people about the importance of life insurance and possibly help those with less purchase a plan.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Private School or Bust
A number of years ago, we took a small outing to a small museum. There we met a most fascinating boy around 10 years old who was an enthusiast of the object in the museum. He was a nice boy and started to give our family a guided tour of the museum. We found out that this young boy was a weekly visitor to the museum and, as soon as he would be old enough, he was planning on working as an intern in their summer programs. The parents were quite engaging themselves and we ended up having a conversation with them about a number of topics. At one point the the conversation turned towards education and the parents told us that they wanted their children to only go a particular private school (which is incidentally super-duper high priced, or about double the cost of a tuition for a similar aged child in a modern Orthodox school), and because of this, they had chose to have only one child.
On the car ride back we ended up having our own conversation about the idea of really limiting a family because of private school tuition. There are limits, and then there are limits. I felt a lot of sadness for them (although perhaps that is not fair, because I have no way to gauge their inner feelings) and I even felt a upset that seemingly dedicated and committed parents would make such a nihilistic choice. I don't mean to be harsh, but such a decision seems so fatal and for what? To send your child to a private school?
I similarly feel a great deal of sadness for families in our own community struggling with the decision to have child #3. The comment was left on my blog motzei Shabbat by an anonymous commentor and I know they are not at all alone.
So sad, At lunch today with 2 other MO couples. All three of us acknowledged that we couldn't afford more than the two kids we already have due to Yeshiva tuition. All 6 of us already work full-time jobs. One of the woman was almost in tears b\c she really wants a third kid but can't afford one b\c her husband already works 3 jobs to make ends meet. This my friends is the state of modern orthodoxy. Enough said.
Comments such as these are very sad, perhaps because they are so easy to relate to. I don't quite know what to say because I understand the desire to be part of the kehilla at the very basic level which I will define as being a member of the shul and sending your children to day school/yeshiva. But I just don't know that it is a good idea to worship at the day school/yeshiva alter when the desire to expand the family is burning within you, to say nothing of the mitzvah of pru u'revu.
Day schools/yeshivot are already struggling to get by. There is a small stream of students who are leaving the day school system. More and more families that were once paying full tuition are applying for aid. The situation simply doesn't look great, although it is an open miracle imo that schools have lasted to this point. We have no idea if day school will be a reality for the majority of Orthodox families 5 or 10 years into the future. I could imagine a scenario where families such as the one referenced end up without both day school and a that third child that they desire so intensely.
Your thoughts? I am stepping away from my computer until tomorrow, so please be civil. I haven't dared touch the subject before and I don't want my first attempt to be my last.
Update: tesyaa has posted on the same topic based on the comment from my blog.
A number of years ago, we took a small outing to a small museum. There we met a most fascinating boy around 10 years old who was an enthusiast of the object in the museum. He was a nice boy and started to give our family a guided tour of the museum. We found out that this young boy was a weekly visitor to the museum and, as soon as he would be old enough, he was planning on working as an intern in their summer programs. The parents were quite engaging themselves and we ended up having a conversation with them about a number of topics. At one point the the conversation turned towards education and the parents told us that they wanted their children to only go a particular private school (which is incidentally super-duper high priced, or about double the cost of a tuition for a similar aged child in a modern Orthodox school), and because of this, they had chose to have only one child.
On the car ride back we ended up having our own conversation about the idea of really limiting a family because of private school tuition. There are limits, and then there are limits. I felt a lot of sadness for them (although perhaps that is not fair, because I have no way to gauge their inner feelings) and I even felt a upset that seemingly dedicated and committed parents would make such a nihilistic choice. I don't mean to be harsh, but such a decision seems so fatal and for what? To send your child to a private school?
I similarly feel a great deal of sadness for families in our own community struggling with the decision to have child #3. The comment was left on my blog motzei Shabbat by an anonymous commentor and I know they are not at all alone.
So sad, At lunch today with 2 other MO couples. All three of us acknowledged that we couldn't afford more than the two kids we already have due to Yeshiva tuition. All 6 of us already work full-time jobs. One of the woman was almost in tears b\c she really wants a third kid but can't afford one b\c her husband already works 3 jobs to make ends meet. This my friends is the state of modern orthodoxy. Enough said.
Comments such as these are very sad, perhaps because they are so easy to relate to. I don't quite know what to say because I understand the desire to be part of the kehilla at the very basic level which I will define as being a member of the shul and sending your children to day school/yeshiva. But I just don't know that it is a good idea to worship at the day school/yeshiva alter when the desire to expand the family is burning within you, to say nothing of the mitzvah of pru u'revu.
Day schools/yeshivot are already struggling to get by. There is a small stream of students who are leaving the day school system. More and more families that were once paying full tuition are applying for aid. The situation simply doesn't look great, although it is an open miracle imo that schools have lasted to this point. We have no idea if day school will be a reality for the majority of Orthodox families 5 or 10 years into the future. I could imagine a scenario where families such as the one referenced end up without both day school and a that third child that they desire so intensely.
Your thoughts? I am stepping away from my computer until tomorrow, so please be civil. I haven't dared touch the subject before and I don't want my first attempt to be my last.
Update: tesyaa has posted on the same topic based on the comment from my blog.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Entertaining Him
CLIMBING THE TABLES
Dear Editor,
I don’t know if this is the right address for this question. I have a healthy 18-month-old boy who is climbing tables and chairs and is getting hurt from falling down. We tell him not to do so and we try to distract him with other things, but we need more and better ideas. We are in need of age appropriate toys and activities.
We don’t send him to a babysitter, so he needs to be entertained the whole day. Please, fellow readers, share some advice or the name of someone, such as a mechanech, who can assist us in this regard.
Thank you.
Z. M.
A parent writes into the Yated this week looking for ideas on what to do regarding a very active 18 month old. Some kids are more active than others and there are plenty of ways to deal with active children. But I want to look at the highlighted part which is something that is so prevalent in child-rearing to day: the belief that children need to be "entertained."
I believe the first time I ever heard of the concept of entertaining children was when my first was turning two and talk of nursery school ensued. Being that I was not sending to nursery, I was regarded with a bit of curiosity to put it politely and a few first time mother friends asked me, but how are you going to keep him entertained *all day*? I think I was as confused as they were. It seemed as I had uncovered a generation gap, or at least a cultural gap, either being possible since I was a bit older and haven't acculturated into this mindset.
Now when I get the question of how I entertain my kids all day I answer very simply that I don't. Additionally, I believe that the approach that I need to "entertain" my kids is counterproductive, especially because the underlying assumption appears to be that kids must be stimulated continually. I think the 614th commandment is one that makes "boredom" assur.
My own approach to child-rearing is to go about all of the many things that need done and to let my children either participate in these activities (e.g. bring me silverware from the dishwasher to put away or clean a window with their own rag) or to find their own activities. Where they are not productively busy, I will try to direct their attention to something that would be interesting to them or assign a task. If things are really out of control, I've found that a change in environment can make a big difference. To make this more manageable, I have tried to set up a nice home environment for them and, although I sometimes don't always do a good job enforcing our rules, I do make a concerted effort to ensure that they respect their environment by not taking out too much at a time and putting away what is not in use. I do find myself actively involving myself in the organization of the living area because certain things can end up a thorn in the side if they aren't organized in an age-appropriate manner. I've found that an unruly environment affects behavior levels, while a homey, but neat environment promotes increased focus on the things they choose to do.
I do take the time to read with them and to play games because these are important activities for their development and they are quite enjoyable ways of connecting with a children. But I don't view my primary focus as a parent should be on entertaining them.
I think that this generation of parents with younger children put a tremendous emphasis on "entertaining" kids from a young age on. It seems to me that the stimulation seems to lead to a need for more stimulation. I just can't join the constant play date crowd or the must find things for my little ones to do crowd. I guess I don't have a mesorah for this way of doing things. But I can remember my own mother handing me a rag.
CLIMBING THE TABLES
Dear Editor,
I don’t know if this is the right address for this question. I have a healthy 18-month-old boy who is climbing tables and chairs and is getting hurt from falling down. We tell him not to do so and we try to distract him with other things, but we need more and better ideas. We are in need of age appropriate toys and activities.
We don’t send him to a babysitter, so he needs to be entertained the whole day. Please, fellow readers, share some advice or the name of someone, such as a mechanech, who can assist us in this regard.
Thank you.
Z. M.
A parent writes into the Yated this week looking for ideas on what to do regarding a very active 18 month old. Some kids are more active than others and there are plenty of ways to deal with active children. But I want to look at the highlighted part which is something that is so prevalent in child-rearing to day: the belief that children need to be "entertained."
I believe the first time I ever heard of the concept of entertaining children was when my first was turning two and talk of nursery school ensued. Being that I was not sending to nursery, I was regarded with a bit of curiosity to put it politely and a few first time mother friends asked me, but how are you going to keep him entertained *all day*? I think I was as confused as they were. It seemed as I had uncovered a generation gap, or at least a cultural gap, either being possible since I was a bit older and haven't acculturated into this mindset.
Now when I get the question of how I entertain my kids all day I answer very simply that I don't. Additionally, I believe that the approach that I need to "entertain" my kids is counterproductive, especially because the underlying assumption appears to be that kids must be stimulated continually. I think the 614th commandment is one that makes "boredom" assur.
My own approach to child-rearing is to go about all of the many things that need done and to let my children either participate in these activities (e.g. bring me silverware from the dishwasher to put away or clean a window with their own rag) or to find their own activities. Where they are not productively busy, I will try to direct their attention to something that would be interesting to them or assign a task. If things are really out of control, I've found that a change in environment can make a big difference. To make this more manageable, I have tried to set up a nice home environment for them and, although I sometimes don't always do a good job enforcing our rules, I do make a concerted effort to ensure that they respect their environment by not taking out too much at a time and putting away what is not in use. I do find myself actively involving myself in the organization of the living area because certain things can end up a thorn in the side if they aren't organized in an age-appropriate manner. I've found that an unruly environment affects behavior levels, while a homey, but neat environment promotes increased focus on the things they choose to do.
I do take the time to read with them and to play games because these are important activities for their development and they are quite enjoyable ways of connecting with a children. But I don't view my primary focus as a parent should be on entertaining them.
I think that this generation of parents with younger children put a tremendous emphasis on "entertaining" kids from a young age on. It seems to me that the stimulation seems to lead to a need for more stimulation. I just can't join the constant play date crowd or the must find things for my little ones to do crowd. I guess I don't have a mesorah for this way of doing things. But I can remember my own mother handing me a rag.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Public Service Annoucement: Jewish Cooperative School (Flordia)
I received this annoucement and am publishing it as a public service. This is the second (formal) cooperative school that I know of. A few months ago I ran an annoucement for a Los Angeles Yeshiva alternative. I am pleased to be able to provide a forum regarding alternatives in education.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
I received this annoucement and am publishing it as a public service. This is the second (formal) cooperative school that I know of. A few months ago I ran an annoucement for a Los Angeles Yeshiva alternative. I am pleased to be able to provide a forum regarding alternatives in education.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
JEWISH COOPERATIVE SCHOOL
A Proactive Solution to the Overwhelming Tuition Crisis
Looking to provide a Torah-centered education in an intimate setting for significantly less tuition than a typical yeshiva or day school, a group of parents in North Miami Beach is offering a vastly different model of Jewish education. They have formed the Jewish Cooperative School (JCS). In this model, the school is administrated directly by the parents. The immediate benefits are readily apparent: tuition is reduced and classes are smaller (no class will have more than 10 children). This enables a child-centered curriculum, where the educator can truly focus on each student as an individual. The Cooperative model has existed for decades in the United States. It encourages parents to be more involved in their child’s education by donating time, skills and resources. For example, one parent who is a skilled gardener built a Havdalah Garden with fragrant spices. Each Friday, the students harvest a small bunch of fragrant plants from the garden and bring home scented herbs for the Havdalah ceremony.
“We wanted a high quality, progressive education with smaller classes. And we wanted it to cost less than a typical private Jewish yeshiva or day school,” said one of the founding parents. On almost every level, the Cooperative model makes a lot of sense. After all, a few hundred years ago, in the plethora of small towns throughout Europe, it was common for Jewish families to cooperatively hire a melamed who would be shared by the families.
“We have hand-picked our very own experienced teachers, and ensured that our children are receiving a warm, loving, Torah-based education with high secular subject standards. No one makes a profit - except our children. This is truly streamlining at its best,” said another enthusiastic parent.
One of the most refreshing aspects of this model is that all of the school’s finances are transparent. Tuition goes directly to (1) hiring the most fitting educator, (2) rent, (3) insurance, and (4) supplies. Parents share the cost of each expense. Therefore, with each additional child enrolled, the cost is proportionately reduced for each family.
Now that the model has proven itself to work this year, they have begun plans for beginning a kindergarten and first grade class for the 2010/2011 school year.
“We hope to contribute a proactive solution to the impending tuition crisis while vastly improving the quality of education,” said Daniel Wasserman.
For more information contact them at: JEWISHCOOP@GMAIL.COM
Monday, December 21, 2009
Mumps and Measles Revisited
Do read the CDC report and that looks at the connections between England and the outbreak of mumps in North America, primary areas of New York and New Jersey and Quebec. In England the rates of vaccination are very low and there is a general outbreak there of 4000 in the general community.
The Science-Based medicine blog has some history regarding low vaccination rates in England and makes a prediction that these communicable diseases with spread. I hope this will not be the case.
Meanwhile, the Lower Hudson newspaper is reporting a large Mumps outbreak in Monsey in the Dec 19 edition. According to the article, non-immunizing parents interviewed by health official report they do not immunize because of religious beliefs. I have no idea what religious beliefs they are referring to. Dr. Yakov Tendler, a Monsey internist, is on record stating,
"There are a lot of crazies out there who are putting their children and everyone else at risk."
It is interesting to note that mumps patients are 83% male with a median age of 14. It appears that the separation of genders and the fact that bochurim from the communities most affected tend to reside in yeshiva dorms rather than home environments is containing the mumps somewhat to a certain segment of the population. Given the incubation period, I don't see a great way to stop the spread of the disease without serious steps. Rabbis in Doctors in affected communities are calling for vaccination, but it seems to me that to put a stop to the spread, more than a call for vaccination is needed.
Camp registrations open up very soon and the CDC reports that the mumps outbreak is attributable to a camper from the United Kingdom in a Sullivan County, NY camp. I'm not a doctor and would very much like to hear from any doctors who read my blog what steps should be taken to try and contain the spread of mumps (what a disaster it would be if this outbreak leaves the confines of the community). Summer for many means camps --sleepaway and day camps, weddings, and travel. My unscientific analysis would lead me to think that foreign campers should not be accepted into American camps and that any parent who does decide to send to camp should be asking serious questions of their doctors. I know I'm setting myself to be accused of having the middot of a Sodomite. But, it seems to me that where herd immunity is weak, welcoming in campers from a country experiencing an outbreak shouldn't be repeated. I hope that doctors in the communities affected are working on making sure this disease stays contained.
Doctors? Scientists? Commentors? Your thoughts?
Do read the CDC report and that looks at the connections between England and the outbreak of mumps in North America, primary areas of New York and New Jersey and Quebec. In England the rates of vaccination are very low and there is a general outbreak there of 4000 in the general community.
The Science-Based medicine blog has some history regarding low vaccination rates in England and makes a prediction that these communicable diseases with spread. I hope this will not be the case.
Meanwhile, the Lower Hudson newspaper is reporting a large Mumps outbreak in Monsey in the Dec 19 edition. According to the article, non-immunizing parents interviewed by health official report they do not immunize because of religious beliefs. I have no idea what religious beliefs they are referring to. Dr. Yakov Tendler, a Monsey internist, is on record stating,
"There are a lot of crazies out there who are putting their children and everyone else at risk."
It is interesting to note that mumps patients are 83% male with a median age of 14. It appears that the separation of genders and the fact that bochurim from the communities most affected tend to reside in yeshiva dorms rather than home environments is containing the mumps somewhat to a certain segment of the population. Given the incubation period, I don't see a great way to stop the spread of the disease without serious steps. Rabbis in Doctors in affected communities are calling for vaccination, but it seems to me that to put a stop to the spread, more than a call for vaccination is needed.
Camp registrations open up very soon and the CDC reports that the mumps outbreak is attributable to a camper from the United Kingdom in a Sullivan County, NY camp. I'm not a doctor and would very much like to hear from any doctors who read my blog what steps should be taken to try and contain the spread of mumps (what a disaster it would be if this outbreak leaves the confines of the community). Summer for many means camps --sleepaway and day camps, weddings, and travel. My unscientific analysis would lead me to think that foreign campers should not be accepted into American camps and that any parent who does decide to send to camp should be asking serious questions of their doctors. I know I'm setting myself to be accused of having the middot of a Sodomite. But, it seems to me that where herd immunity is weak, welcoming in campers from a country experiencing an outbreak shouldn't be repeated. I hope that doctors in the communities affected are working on making sure this disease stays contained.
Doctors? Scientists? Commentors? Your thoughts?
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Incentive
Parshat Miketz offers tried and true savings advice recalling that the grain, during the years of plenty, was collected hand over hand, or in the interpretation of some little by little. Often people through up their hands and proclaim why bother savings as it is impossible to do so anyways with all of the numerous bills, etc.
What they haven't quite comprehended is the power or addition in conjunction with the miracle of compounding interest. There were periods of time when we were able to save money in major lump sums, or what I like to call before tuition or BT. Those days have seemingly passed. But, we are still able to see satisfying changes in financial position for the positive despite no longer being able to save the amounts of the past.
Just a few weeks ago I received my statement from my first 401k from my first job. There is something extremely satisfying about seeing that percentage of investment income earned is about to surpass the amount of money invested. I wish I understood this more clearly when I started this first retirement account. If I could go back in time, I would have invested more pre-tax income. At the time I lacked some incentive.
Speaking of incentive and the parsha, I think there is an important lesson to learn. From a basic reading of the text (I'm ignoring commentaries to the contrary so as to not loose my point), Yosef enacted a one-fifth (20%) tax rate on gross domestic product during the seven years of plenty and the land produced an abundance. He also stored the grains within close proximity of the taxed. Economic theory tells us that overtaxing decreases production, so I think we can reasonably conclude that the tax rate enacted by Yosef was not draconian.
When it comes to yeshiva tuition and tuition assistance, many would like to see parents take on more employment, higher paying jobs, more jobs, etc. It is fantastic that so many parents view tuition as their duty and will go to all lengths to avoid scholarships. But, others simply won't; the incentive is simply not there.
Should schools want to see parents who are on scholarship pay more tuition by increasing their incomes, they need to understand the underpinnings of incentive. If those on tuition assistance believe that if they change their earning situation that the school will nab 100% of the new earnings, they are unlikely to take on additional employment without heavy handed techniques that provide incentive through fear. But, if you only take a smaller amount of the new income and most of the new income can be used at the discretion of the earner, the incentive to earn is kept intact.
Of course, what makes economic sense might not be great school policy. I'm not quite sure how practical it would be to enact a tax on additional income of mothers that return to work, for example, while dual income families are charged tuition at a different rate. There are already plenty of hard feelings on all sides. And speaking of practical, schools really shouldn't be playing big brother any more than they already do. Additionally, when the marginal governmental tax rates (social security + medicare + the marginal federal rate + the marginal state rate) already takes up nearly a third of the income to say nothing of the costs of transport, childcare, and non-tangibles such as decreased family time and stress, there isn't much left for anyone else to grab.
Just some thoughts for this evening. A shavua tov.
Parshat Miketz offers tried and true savings advice recalling that the grain, during the years of plenty, was collected hand over hand, or in the interpretation of some little by little. Often people through up their hands and proclaim why bother savings as it is impossible to do so anyways with all of the numerous bills, etc.
What they haven't quite comprehended is the power or addition in conjunction with the miracle of compounding interest. There were periods of time when we were able to save money in major lump sums, or what I like to call before tuition or BT. Those days have seemingly passed. But, we are still able to see satisfying changes in financial position for the positive despite no longer being able to save the amounts of the past.
Just a few weeks ago I received my statement from my first 401k from my first job. There is something extremely satisfying about seeing that percentage of investment income earned is about to surpass the amount of money invested. I wish I understood this more clearly when I started this first retirement account. If I could go back in time, I would have invested more pre-tax income. At the time I lacked some incentive.
Speaking of incentive and the parsha, I think there is an important lesson to learn. From a basic reading of the text (I'm ignoring commentaries to the contrary so as to not loose my point), Yosef enacted a one-fifth (20%) tax rate on gross domestic product during the seven years of plenty and the land produced an abundance. He also stored the grains within close proximity of the taxed. Economic theory tells us that overtaxing decreases production, so I think we can reasonably conclude that the tax rate enacted by Yosef was not draconian.
When it comes to yeshiva tuition and tuition assistance, many would like to see parents take on more employment, higher paying jobs, more jobs, etc. It is fantastic that so many parents view tuition as their duty and will go to all lengths to avoid scholarships. But, others simply won't; the incentive is simply not there.
Should schools want to see parents who are on scholarship pay more tuition by increasing their incomes, they need to understand the underpinnings of incentive. If those on tuition assistance believe that if they change their earning situation that the school will nab 100% of the new earnings, they are unlikely to take on additional employment without heavy handed techniques that provide incentive through fear. But, if you only take a smaller amount of the new income and most of the new income can be used at the discretion of the earner, the incentive to earn is kept intact.
Of course, what makes economic sense might not be great school policy. I'm not quite sure how practical it would be to enact a tax on additional income of mothers that return to work, for example, while dual income families are charged tuition at a different rate. There are already plenty of hard feelings on all sides. And speaking of practical, schools really shouldn't be playing big brother any more than they already do. Additionally, when the marginal governmental tax rates (social security + medicare + the marginal federal rate + the marginal state rate) already takes up nearly a third of the income to say nothing of the costs of transport, childcare, and non-tangibles such as decreased family time and stress, there isn't much left for anyone else to grab.
Just some thoughts for this evening. A shavua tov.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I Think We Have a Winner
I think we have a winning response regarding Oorah's Monkey from Aaron from L.A.:
You've all overlooked the obvious.The word for monkey in Hebrew is Kof, which in gematria comes out to 186.The word Kesef" or money comes out to 160.The difference is 26,which is a common donation among Persian and other Jews, since that is also the gematria yud-K-Vav-k. The donor is obviously a Persian Jew trying to get a monkey off his back.I'm surprised no one else thought of it.
I think we have a winning response regarding Oorah's Monkey from Aaron from L.A.:
You've all overlooked the obvious.The word for monkey in Hebrew is Kof, which in gematria comes out to 186.The word Kesef" or money comes out to 160.The difference is 26,which is a common donation among Persian and other Jews, since that is also the gematria yud-K-Vav-k. The donor is obviously a Persian Jew trying to get a monkey off his back.I'm surprised no one else thought of it.
Monday, December 14, 2009
A Monkey?
Time to lighten up the mood. I just received my Oorah Chinese Auction catalogue and couldn't resist the temptation to flip through. Last year I noted that more and more prizes come in the form of cash (mortgage payments/rent, groceries, utilities, debt repayment). Practical prizes seem to be the wave of the future.
Prize 35 caused me to do a double take! Prize 35 is a MONKEY. The fine print reads: Winner will receive a gift certificate for the value of the purchase of a capuchin, marmoset, squirrel, lemur or spider monkey. The value of the gift certificate shall not exceed $2,800. In states where licensing is required winner is responsible to license. Winner is responsible to comply with all regulations and requirements relating to monkey. Oorah makes no representation as to the legality in any state where winner may reside. Sponsored by: Anonymous
Time to lighten up the mood. I just received my Oorah Chinese Auction catalogue and couldn't resist the temptation to flip through. Last year I noted that more and more prizes come in the form of cash (mortgage payments/rent, groceries, utilities, debt repayment). Practical prizes seem to be the wave of the future.
Prize 35 caused me to do a double take! Prize 35 is a MONKEY. The fine print reads: Winner will receive a gift certificate for the value of the purchase of a capuchin, marmoset, squirrel, lemur or spider monkey. The value of the gift certificate shall not exceed $2,800. In states where licensing is required winner is responsible to license. Winner is responsible to comply with all regulations and requirements relating to monkey. Oorah makes no representation as to the legality in any state where winner may reside. Sponsored by: Anonymous
Let's face it, the people of Israel in todays day and age aren't known as dog or cat people. Many of our children are terrified by the sight of a dog. I'd love to know the thinking behind offering such a prize.
The reader with the best explaination will be published prior to the end of Chanukah.
Where Have All the Pensions Gone?
I have used my soap box to try and encourage modest living and saving for practical reasons as well as for a higher purpose. In particular, I've stressed the importance of saving for retirement and starting to save for retirement as soon as possible. Just days ago I took issue with a letter from the Rockland County Tomche Shabbos which basically said forget the IRA, there are more pressing needs.
Shortly after I wrote that post and the comments starting coming in, it hit me that there may be an honest disconnect in regards to retirement savings, which I think we should refer to as older age savings*.
Recently we ended up engaged in a conversation with some older family members regarding retirement. Despite their struggles in retirement, some issues which I will detail in a later post regarding the costs of retirement, they didn't seem to understand why so many young people are focused on their retirement accounts. The zinger came when one of them said "but what about your pension?" Uh, pension. What pension?
I have to wonder how many people out there, especially people who are running the opposition campaign and stating/implying that retirement savings are a luxury (see tuition vs. retirement) honestly believe that those saving for retirement are just "hoarding" money because they simply are living in a previous era.
Perhaps there are a good number of people in our communities who are simply unaware that the rules of retirement have changed that that today penions are a rarity and funding those IRAs, 401(k)s, and 403(b)s is how an employee funds a "pension"? Perhaps there are a good number of people who are unaware that social security isn't what it used to be (to say nothing of the fact that anyone with income beyond social security will be handing a good chunk of it right back to Uncle Sam and one's state of residence)? Perhaps there are a good number of people who honestly believe that if the parents don't have money, the kids will be able to step it and take over?
If there are people who just don't understand the level of self-sufficiency that is expected of the younger generation, I'd say that re-education is needed. More notes re: retirement later.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Retirement seems to conjure up images of doing nothing all day long and cruising around the Caribean. All lovely things, but perhaps not things that have great value in the frum community (given that our first "real vacation"--a vacation that doesn't involve crashing with friends of family, might come post-retirement, I'm not going to knock cruising). Older age is something that happens and often comes with a large price tag.
I have used my soap box to try and encourage modest living and saving for practical reasons as well as for a higher purpose. In particular, I've stressed the importance of saving for retirement and starting to save for retirement as soon as possible. Just days ago I took issue with a letter from the Rockland County Tomche Shabbos which basically said forget the IRA, there are more pressing needs.
Shortly after I wrote that post and the comments starting coming in, it hit me that there may be an honest disconnect in regards to retirement savings, which I think we should refer to as older age savings*.
Recently we ended up engaged in a conversation with some older family members regarding retirement. Despite their struggles in retirement, some issues which I will detail in a later post regarding the costs of retirement, they didn't seem to understand why so many young people are focused on their retirement accounts. The zinger came when one of them said "but what about your pension?" Uh, pension. What pension?
I have to wonder how many people out there, especially people who are running the opposition campaign and stating/implying that retirement savings are a luxury (see tuition vs. retirement) honestly believe that those saving for retirement are just "hoarding" money because they simply are living in a previous era.
Perhaps there are a good number of people in our communities who are simply unaware that the rules of retirement have changed that that today penions are a rarity and funding those IRAs, 401(k)s, and 403(b)s is how an employee funds a "pension"? Perhaps there are a good number of people who are unaware that social security isn't what it used to be (to say nothing of the fact that anyone with income beyond social security will be handing a good chunk of it right back to Uncle Sam and one's state of residence)? Perhaps there are a good number of people who honestly believe that if the parents don't have money, the kids will be able to step it and take over?
If there are people who just don't understand the level of self-sufficiency that is expected of the younger generation, I'd say that re-education is needed. More notes re: retirement later.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Retirement seems to conjure up images of doing nothing all day long and cruising around the Caribean. All lovely things, but perhaps not things that have great value in the frum community (given that our first "real vacation"--a vacation that doesn't involve crashing with friends of family, might come post-retirement, I'm not going to knock cruising). Older age is something that happens and often comes with a large price tag.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
"Talmidim are Fuming"
I referenced a teachers strike in 2008 and here we are at the end of 2009 and I am referencing yet another strike, this time in Bnei Brak. After six months of non-payment the school's rabbonim simply didn't show up to class and apparantely the " 'talmidim are fuming' at the fact the rabbonim have decided to strike."
What a mess. Perhaps now is a good time to introduce the talmidim to the basics of economics so they fume productively.
I referenced a teachers strike in 2008 and here we are at the end of 2009 and I am referencing yet another strike, this time in Bnei Brak. After six months of non-payment the school's rabbonim simply didn't show up to class and apparantely the " 'talmidim are fuming' at the fact the rabbonim have decided to strike."
What a mess. Perhaps now is a good time to introduce the talmidim to the basics of economics so they fume productively.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Guest Post: An Orthonomic Chanukah Note
Thank you to Ariella of Kallah Magazine for allowing me to use one of her Chanukah posts as a Guest Post here. I thought this was a very appropriate post for Chanukah here at Orthonomics.
In Made in Heaven: A Jewish Wedding Guide, (Moznaim Publishing, 1983 p. 32), Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan brings up the issue of squandering money on lavish weddings that should be put to better use in providing the couple with necessities. He recalls an illustration offered by his friend, Rabbi Shmuel Mendelson. Hillel and Shamai had different views about the order in which Chanukah candles should be lit. As we know, we follow the opinion of Beis Hillel, which is to begin with one and add on a candle each successive night. However, Beis Shamai’s view was that the candles should parallel the cows offered during Sukkos, which began with the full number but went down one each day.
Rabbi Mendelson observed that Beis Shamai’s approach is followed by those who believe they must start out married life with everything. They are the ones who would register for the expensive china and silver sets, buy full suites of Italian furniture, and set it all up in a home they cannot afford to keep up. “When they begin, they have everything.” But when reality sets in and their income cannot keep up with their expenses, “they find their lives diminishing.”
Then there are couples who see the wisdom of Beis Hillel’s approach in their own life. “They can start off with one candle – with very little.” These are the ones who make do with a modest apartment furnished with second-hand pieces and dishes that are priced by the set rather than the place setting. So they do not begin in a blaze of glory. “But for the rest of their life they are adding.”
A Chanukah Sameach to all of my readers and wonderful commentors.
Thank you to Ariella of Kallah Magazine for allowing me to use one of her Chanukah posts as a Guest Post here. I thought this was a very appropriate post for Chanukah here at Orthonomics.
In Made in Heaven: A Jewish Wedding Guide, (Moznaim Publishing, 1983 p. 32), Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan brings up the issue of squandering money on lavish weddings that should be put to better use in providing the couple with necessities. He recalls an illustration offered by his friend, Rabbi Shmuel Mendelson. Hillel and Shamai had different views about the order in which Chanukah candles should be lit. As we know, we follow the opinion of Beis Hillel, which is to begin with one and add on a candle each successive night. However, Beis Shamai’s view was that the candles should parallel the cows offered during Sukkos, which began with the full number but went down one each day.
Rabbi Mendelson observed that Beis Shamai’s approach is followed by those who believe they must start out married life with everything. They are the ones who would register for the expensive china and silver sets, buy full suites of Italian furniture, and set it all up in a home they cannot afford to keep up. “When they begin, they have everything.” But when reality sets in and their income cannot keep up with their expenses, “they find their lives diminishing.”
Then there are couples who see the wisdom of Beis Hillel’s approach in their own life. “They can start off with one candle – with very little.” These are the ones who make do with a modest apartment furnished with second-hand pieces and dishes that are priced by the set rather than the place setting. So they do not begin in a blaze of glory. “But for the rest of their life they are adding.”
A Chanukah Sameach to all of my readers and wonderful commentors.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Tzedakah Marketing Gone Terribly Wrong
For once I am nearly speechless. I've written about tzedakah marketing campaigns centered around promises of miracles. I've written of tzedakah marketing that is simply obscene given the target audience. But this method of marketing will now top my list as the most tasteless and irresponsible of them all.
To promote tzedakah by guilting people about saving for retirement and creating mass panic about investments? Wow! I'm not quite sure what to say except that this is really low.
How can anyone possibly say with a straight face that the amount that Klal Yisrael (read: the frum community) places into retirement is "staggering" unless we are referring to staggeringly low? [Quote: "Let’s consider the net sum placed by Klal Yisroel in IRAs annually. It’s staggering.] You could say that a staggering amount is spent on tuition as well as debt servicing interest, cleaning help, camps, dating, weddings, sheitels, manicures, clothing, and even food. But retirement savings? No way, no how. I know highly paid professional couples that don't pay cash for their cars/minivans. Let's just say staggering[ly high] isn't the way I would describe the savings rate of the frum community!
Perhaps in response to the verses quoted I will quote birchat hamazon, "Please, Hashem, our G-d, make us not needful of the gifts of human hands nor of their loans -- but only of Your Hand that is full, open, holy, and generous, that we not feel inner shame or be humiliated for ever and ever." Yes, we have a lot of very pressing needs in our communities. And one of those pressing needs is financial stability.
Where will these families turn when they are no longer able to work? That's right! Us. And a note on the 20% rate we are allowed to give. There are many different opinions as to what ma'aser can be used for. Those that count tzedakah and tuition or partial tuition as ma'aser likely need not worry about hitting that 20%.
Trying to guilt people out of putting a little something away for their own future needs: Tasteless and irresponsible.
And with that note, a friendly reminder that you have until tax day 2010 to fund your IRA or ROTH IRA. In a recent post, the letter writer looking for solutions stated: "At this point, we need a lot of money just to get by, no matter how simply we live. We have children to feed and our expenses are only growing." If she only knew just how expensive older age can be she'd plotz. Having some hands-on knowledge about such things I will state unequivocally that we NEED community members to be saving for their future. Aging isn't inexpensive.
For once I am nearly speechless. I've written about tzedakah marketing campaigns centered around promises of miracles. I've written of tzedakah marketing that is simply obscene given the target audience. But this method of marketing will now top my list as the most tasteless and irresponsible of them all.
To promote tzedakah by guilting people about saving for retirement and creating mass panic about investments? Wow! I'm not quite sure what to say except that this is really low.
How can anyone possibly say with a straight face that the amount that Klal Yisrael (read: the frum community) places into retirement is "staggering" unless we are referring to staggeringly low? [Quote: "Let’s consider the net sum placed by Klal Yisroel in IRAs annually. It’s staggering.] You could say that a staggering amount is spent on tuition as well as debt servicing interest, cleaning help, camps, dating, weddings, sheitels, manicures, clothing, and even food. But retirement savings? No way, no how. I know highly paid professional couples that don't pay cash for their cars/minivans. Let's just say staggering[ly high] isn't the way I would describe the savings rate of the frum community!
A GUARANTEED INVESTMENT
Dear Editor,
I would like to suggest an excellent and fully guaranteed investment vehicle for this year’s IRA contribution. It’s called Klal Yisroel. It’s the oni who knocks at your door, it’s the local yeshiva that can’t pay their rabbeim, it’s the neighbors who can’t afford to make a wedding for their daughter, it’s the people in your community who have had their electricity shut off, it’s the many people facing eviction from their homes.
Let’s consider the net sum placed by Klal Yisroel in IRAs annually. It’s staggering. Can we collectively really afford to place that money in an investment that either will make or lose money, in an investment house that may or not be in existence when we retire? Is this prudent at a time like this? Can we find a better investment for our IRA? Permit me to present my suggestion:
Safety & Return: Hakadosh Boruch Hu Himself guarantees both the security of the
principal of our tzedakah investments, and a substantial return as well. To cite just one of numerous sources for this, the Torah tells us, “Aser te’aser es kol tevuas zarecha” (Devorim 14:22). Rashi tells us, “Aser bishvil shetisasher - Give tzedakah so that you become wealthy.” Rashi, with his ruach hakodesh, reveals for us the path to financial wealth. There are far more sources that can be cited to bring home the same point, but permit this one source to speak for them all.
Limits: We are free to invest as much as a chomesh, one fifth of our income, toward this guaranteed investment. “Beshuv Hashem” (Tehillim 126), once we have returned to seeing things with clarity, only then will we realize that “hoyinu kecholmim,” we were like dreamers. We were so wrapped up in our faith in the US banking system, which is weak, and the investment houses, many of whom failed and the rest of whom are weak, and had so much faith in the strength of America (uninvited guests dropping in on the President of the United States in the White House), that we completely lost sight of reality. Our faith was misplaced.
My friends, we’ve all been fooled. There is no stronger guarantee than the Torah, and no stronger Guarantor than Hakadosh Boruch Hu. Let’s begin by taking any
money we were going to place in IRAs this year and invest those dollars in alleviating the tzaar of Klal Yisroel. May I suggest we call the local yeshiva rather than waiting for them to call us? Let’s inquire whether the rabbeim and other staff members are up to date in their pay. Let’s take a deeper interest in the plight of the aniyim of our
community. Is there a local tzedakah fund that we can contact? Our rov probably knows which situations require the most immediate assistance. Let’s take a
deeper interest in aniyei Eretz Yisroel. The next time an oni knocks at our door, let’s try a little harder to focus on his plight.
Now, I’m not advocating a reckless abandonment of the US banking system. Rather, I’m suggesting that we place our IRA investments in a far better and more secure long-term investment, shoring up our more pressing needs right here in ouro wn Torah community.
These concepts are not new. Rather, they are the oldest and most proven concepts
in existence. Let’s be mechazeikeach other to reevaluate our priorities.
[Director of] Tomche Shabbos of Rockland County
Perhaps in response to the verses quoted I will quote birchat hamazon, "Please, Hashem, our G-d, make us not needful of the gifts of human hands nor of their loans -- but only of Your Hand that is full, open, holy, and generous, that we not feel inner shame or be humiliated for ever and ever." Yes, we have a lot of very pressing needs in our communities. And one of those pressing needs is financial stability.
Where will these families turn when they are no longer able to work? That's right! Us. And a note on the 20% rate we are allowed to give. There are many different opinions as to what ma'aser can be used for. Those that count tzedakah and tuition or partial tuition as ma'aser likely need not worry about hitting that 20%.
Trying to guilt people out of putting a little something away for their own future needs: Tasteless and irresponsible.
And with that note, a friendly reminder that you have until tax day 2010 to fund your IRA or ROTH IRA. In a recent post, the letter writer looking for solutions stated: "At this point, we need a lot of money just to get by, no matter how simply we live. We have children to feed and our expenses are only growing." If she only knew just how expensive older age can be she'd plotz. Having some hands-on knowledge about such things I will state unequivocally that we NEED community members to be saving for their future. Aging isn't inexpensive.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
What Messsages are Our Kids Getting?
There was a letter to the editor in a recent Yated that addressed an advertisement that came home from his son's cheder. The advertisement was for a Sunday "fun school" for ages 2-6, or the boys who don't normally attend school on Sunday. The letter writer was disturbed not by the fact that such a school exists, as there are people who do need care on Sundays, but the advertising method. The advertisement stated:
“How in the world is a mother supposed to accomplish anything if the kids are home?”
This feeling, which was put into writing is in no way an aberration. I've seen this thought expressed very openly by mothers, teachers, and other chashuv people and quite frankly I find the expression of such a thought to be rather horrifying. In fact, I was planning a post on this very subject early this summer when a camp director approached me and asked if I hadn't enrolled my kids in camp because of the cost (I believe she had some extra spots and would have been happy to work a deal). I responded that we didn't need to send our kids because I was able to handle the work I do with the kids around. Her response: "but how can you stand them around all day?"
I was taken aback to say the least and wanted to say something like "what are you saying about MY children?" But I realized that she isn't talking about MY kids, but expressing her own feelings and thinking that I would relate. Instead of saying something snotty I'd be sure to regret, I just responded that we have a very lovely time together and that the summer is a great time to do things that are harder when you are on a schedule, which is true. And, I do enjoy my kids, but I'm not superhuman. At time, I feel like kicking everyone out of the house so I can get "something done."
But I find expressing that sentiment so openly to be extremely problematic and distasteful for that matter. Obviously the sentiment is strong enough that a school thinks it is a good way to advertise their program! Psychologists talk about self-fulling prophesies and I find that the more we talk about something unpleasant the bigger the monster becomes. And, our kids pick up on that too. There is a lot of talk about kids-at-risk, antisocial behavior and bullying, tzniut issues, etc. It seems to me that regarding children as a burden is a good way to cause many of the social ills that writers are writing about.
Just something to think about. More on the subject later I'm sure.
Update: Shortly after I had posted this post, I noted that blogger and homeschooling mom Avivah posted some thoughts on the subject "How can you stand to be around them all day?". The comments coming in on her site demonstrate once again that mothers are being told that being around their kids in large doses should make them crazy. My own observation is the opposite. When I'm around my kids in very large doses, such as in the summer, we fall into a nice rhythm. When we are dealing with the regular routine, a lot of tension can arise. It seems this observation is shared by others.
There was a letter to the editor in a recent Yated that addressed an advertisement that came home from his son's cheder. The advertisement was for a Sunday "fun school" for ages 2-6, or the boys who don't normally attend school on Sunday. The letter writer was disturbed not by the fact that such a school exists, as there are people who do need care on Sundays, but the advertising method. The advertisement stated:
“How in the world is a mother supposed to accomplish anything if the kids are home?”
This feeling, which was put into writing is in no way an aberration. I've seen this thought expressed very openly by mothers, teachers, and other chashuv people and quite frankly I find the expression of such a thought to be rather horrifying. In fact, I was planning a post on this very subject early this summer when a camp director approached me and asked if I hadn't enrolled my kids in camp because of the cost (I believe she had some extra spots and would have been happy to work a deal). I responded that we didn't need to send our kids because I was able to handle the work I do with the kids around. Her response: "but how can you stand them around all day?"
I was taken aback to say the least and wanted to say something like "what are you saying about MY children?" But I realized that she isn't talking about MY kids, but expressing her own feelings and thinking that I would relate. Instead of saying something snotty I'd be sure to regret, I just responded that we have a very lovely time together and that the summer is a great time to do things that are harder when you are on a schedule, which is true. And, I do enjoy my kids, but I'm not superhuman. At time, I feel like kicking everyone out of the house so I can get "something done."
But I find expressing that sentiment so openly to be extremely problematic and distasteful for that matter. Obviously the sentiment is strong enough that a school thinks it is a good way to advertise their program! Psychologists talk about self-fulling prophesies and I find that the more we talk about something unpleasant the bigger the monster becomes. And, our kids pick up on that too. There is a lot of talk about kids-at-risk, antisocial behavior and bullying, tzniut issues, etc. It seems to me that regarding children as a burden is a good way to cause many of the social ills that writers are writing about.
Just something to think about. More on the subject later I'm sure.
Update: Shortly after I had posted this post, I noted that blogger and homeschooling mom Avivah posted some thoughts on the subject "How can you stand to be around them all day?". The comments coming in on her site demonstrate once again that mothers are being told that being around their kids in large doses should make them crazy. My own observation is the opposite. When I'm around my kids in very large doses, such as in the summer, we fall into a nice rhythm. When we are dealing with the regular routine, a lot of tension can arise. It seems this observation is shared by others.
Monday, December 07, 2009
Huh? Infidelity
VIN has an article reprinted from the 5TJT (site down at the time of this post) regarding marriage counseling and problems that young couples are having, something that has come up in recent posts.
Never in a million years would I have suspected that enough young Jewish couples to warrant a mention are divorcing/contemplating divorce because of issues of infidelity*. But, this is what both the author and Rabbi Peretz Steinberg of Young Israel of Queens Valley claim.
Let's hope that any such infidelity isn't full blown. Yes, even I am having a difficult time with this report. The rest of the reasons named (abuse, poor communication, lack of respect, financial stress, and parental influence) all pass the "smell test" as to why there are an increasing number of short marriages within the klal. But infidelity?. . . . . I'm just having a hard time believing that this reason makes the top 10 (6) list, so to speak.
*Yes, I am aware that some uniform wearing, kosher keeping, Shabbat observing men do visit brothels. And I am aware of some women who have stepped outside of their marriage. But this article seems to be hinting at something other than the rumored and known.
VIN has an article reprinted from the 5TJT (site down at the time of this post) regarding marriage counseling and problems that young couples are having, something that has come up in recent posts.
Never in a million years would I have suspected that enough young Jewish couples to warrant a mention are divorcing/contemplating divorce because of issues of infidelity*. But, this is what both the author and Rabbi Peretz Steinberg of Young Israel of Queens Valley claim.
Let's hope that any such infidelity isn't full blown. Yes, even I am having a difficult time with this report. The rest of the reasons named (abuse, poor communication, lack of respect, financial stress, and parental influence) all pass the "smell test" as to why there are an increasing number of short marriages within the klal. But infidelity?. . . . . I'm just having a hard time believing that this reason makes the top 10 (6) list, so to speak.
*Yes, I am aware that some uniform wearing, kosher keeping, Shabbat observing men do visit brothels. And I am aware of some women who have stepped outside of their marriage. But this article seems to be hinting at something other than the rumored and known.
Friday, December 04, 2009
Shidduch Vision: A Solution or More Social Engineering?
News Flash/Full Disclosure: I'm a student of free market economics who don't care for social engineering, but my readership already knows that. So on with the likely predictable post.
Shidduch Vision is a new teledating program that is being touted as new and innovative. As per the website FAQ, shidduch vision is supposed to help singles avoid unnecessary travel, loss of time, emotional savings, as well as be "extremely economical" (at only $18 for a 50 minute appointment, 2 date minimum so the math works out to $36).
Perhaps I am just missing something, but I simply don't understand why a young man can't simply pick up a telephone, chat, develop a connection, and if a connection develops plan an in person date? If the goal is to help people save money, the phone would be the way to go. Long distance is nothing like what it used to be. But economics aren't the only factor at play here. . . . .
When I was dating, the "rule" on the street was that when a young lady receives a call to confirm/schedule a date, that the call should be short and sweet as talking on the phone was deemed "awkward." Personally, I found the phone quite comfortable and thought the phone was a nice way to break the ice before meeting face-to-face. I'd like to hear from readers in the dating population about your comfort level with meeting in a 50 minute teledating session. Personally, this strikes me as very awkward.
Let's get back to the claims because I think this is part of where the "shidduch system", defined loosely, is failing its participants. Let's look specifically about the claim "emotional savings." While dating is a serious venture, I don't think it is fair to singles to desensitize dating, nor do I think it is right to suck every last vestige of fun out of meeting your potential partner (if there is any fun left in the process, either in the outside world or in the frum world). Certainly the barrage of rules (and Shidduch Vision comes with quite a few rules and threats of its own also) has done quite a bit to drain any enjoyment out of meeting and dating. Not too long ago, we ended up at a table with girls who appeared to be right around seminary ago. They were reviewing the rules of dating as reported to them by their NY friends and talking about how much they dreaded jumping into shidduchim. I just felt sad for them. They hadn't even been on a date yet and already they weren't having fun.
In regards to taking out the emotions, I raise my hand in opposition. I do believe that dating is a process of discovery and learning, and when we look to help singles "save emotions," we strip them of an important aspect on the road to finding a spouse. As parents know, hurt and disappointment in reasonable amounts fuel growth and drive. Somehow, dashed hopes seem to go with dating as peanut butter goes with jelly. Perhaps the myriad of rules to help singles cushion the blow of being let down is hindering the process, rather than helping?
I think Ariella sums up some of my thoughts on social engineering over at at WolfishMusings writing: "the more innovations I see in the shidduch system (the resume, the proposal to reward shidduchim with older girls, etc.) the more I think we have to gain by returning to the simple, direct approach used in the days when the girls lent each other dresses and went out into the vineyard to meet someone to be their husbands."
One last point I want to touch on before summing this up: as per the FAQ on Simcha Vision, there is a great deal of emphasis on tznius and privacy. However, I have to wonder if a system of teledating really will promote this ideal. If tnzius is the means to help our daughters maintain their dignity and be seen as more than sexual objects, I think we would do best not to reduce the frame of the discussion of young men meeting more geographically distant girls in the terms of wasting time, money, and emotion! I don't reject the claim that teledating will perhaps increase the likelihood of certain meetings leading to marriage, but then again, I think that a few telephone calls and an exchange of pictures can increase in-person meetings too without the need to another program to be sponsored and more establishment of rules that further isolates singles from being part of a pro-active process.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
More on Gemach Loans
Don't pass over my second post on the age gap below, but I want to make sure this gets out there too, with thanks to "The Jewish Worker."
Wow! If this letter isn't eye opening, I don't know what will be. The idea of having this many bills to pay is simply mind boggling. I can only imagine the consumption of time. I manage clients with too much going on and this is far and beyond. This is simply ridiculous! A principal of good financial management is to keep things simple. We've opened up far too many accounts over the years and are trying to consolidate and par down where wise. Read these excerpts from this Mishapacha letter [emphasis mine]:
...When I began marrying off children, I saw no way over the fence except to take out gemach loans. ...I knew that the only way I could keep going was to continue to juggle loans. I"ve married off five children and have another six to go. I"m currently juggling about 45 gemachim. My days and nights are consumed with payback schedules deadlines and possibilities for other loan sources. For me it's to late to get out of the web. But it's not too late for others to not get sucked in.
Juggled to Death Jerusalem
Consumption debt does more than destroy a financial base, it can destroy one's time and ability to earn a living (a theme that Mesila has taken up in their newsletters). It is clearly time to acknowledge that some things simply aren't working. Let's hope that with the next 6 kids, they serve cake and punch to the neighbors instead of taking on more obligations to juggle. As any juggler knows, at a certain point the clubs can't be controlled and they hit you in the head.
Don't pass over my second post on the age gap below, but I want to make sure this gets out there too, with thanks to "The Jewish Worker."
Wow! If this letter isn't eye opening, I don't know what will be. The idea of having this many bills to pay is simply mind boggling. I can only imagine the consumption of time. I manage clients with too much going on and this is far and beyond. This is simply ridiculous! A principal of good financial management is to keep things simple. We've opened up far too many accounts over the years and are trying to consolidate and par down where wise. Read these excerpts from this Mishapacha letter [emphasis mine]:
...When I began marrying off children, I saw no way over the fence except to take out gemach loans. ...I knew that the only way I could keep going was to continue to juggle loans. I"ve married off five children and have another six to go. I"m currently juggling about 45 gemachim. My days and nights are consumed with payback schedules deadlines and possibilities for other loan sources. For me it's to late to get out of the web. But it's not too late for others to not get sucked in.
Juggled to Death Jerusalem
Shidduch Hysteria
I have already posted some thoughts on the very popular age gap theory [Age Gap or Faulty Math?]. I'm still not sold despite commentors trying to explain its validity and even a friend walking me through the theory. At the Agudah convention, there was a showing of an official Age Gap video which can be seen on Matzav.com.
I don't intend to revisit the "math," but let's just say that when a major social change is being proposed, it would be worthwhile to present more information than a study showing that 14% of Bais Yaakov graduates ages 25-29 from 20 well-known schools remain single. What, are the men chopped liver? I'd like to know where all of the men have gone. I guess they all married younger women. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Now, back to the subject at hand. The goal of the video is to show that if the "age gap" is removed that everyone will live happily ever after. But I personally think the video does nothing more than create hysteria. And that is the last thing that the Orthodox dating population needs.
No matter what background you come from, religious or non-religious, Jewish or non-Jewish, younger or older, if you are a marriage-minded individual, especially a female marriage-minded individual, you probably have experienced your own, often self-induced, feelings of hysteria regarding dating and marriage.
For yours truly, these self-inflicted feelings of inadequacy, worry, and general lack of emunah started midway through high school! By the time I had planted my feet in the world of shidduchim, I can say that I was quite a wreck, convinced I would never marry. At that time (and it wasn't that long ago), I don't recall hearing about vast numbers of women who would be left out in the cold to live out there days as a maiden. But, I was very aware of all of the numerous things that would render a single second-class or even third-class. And, of course, there were the "dating rules" that you were expected to follow, many of which rendered a young lady petrified on a 3rd date when you were supposed to reveal your soul, or at least give a public accounting of any skeletons in your closet that might render you flawed. Because, as everyone knows, if you make it beyond 3 dates, you are "serious" and well-meaning people now have the permission to ask "nu?"
Whatever worries I had of never meeting that someone when I was 21 and unattached when heading out into the real world were compounded exponentially in the brutally honest shidduch world. Thankfully, a serious of really terrible dating experiences which made me feel like throwing in the towel completely, lead me to relax and simply not care so much about getting married. Not long after that, I did meet that someone.
While I certainly believe there are far too many singles that need to be brought down to earth, trim down their laundry list of requirements, take more action in terms of shidduchim and pound the pavement, I really think that we also need to be helping singles out by giving them an ego boost. So much of a single's life and spirit can be sucked out of them as they worry endlessly about what might be and I think that can translate into bad mazal. We are believers in a personal G-d and we believe that Hashem continues to work as a shadchan day in and day out. I'm sure that most married folks have a great story of how Hashem moved the chess pieces to make their shidduch happen. It would be nice if singles were given the message that Hashem has a match for them even if their yichus is flawed, even if they have a few extra pounds, even if their hair is frizzy, and even if their parents aren't marching to the Goldberg's drummer.
Video presentations that place X marks through female figures with the message YOU WON'T GET MARRIED unless there is major social re engineering (social engineering that would have made my our own shadchanit think twice about setting us up since she is a rules follower), strikes me as cruel, and I'm not exactly the type to ignore issues. The video awakened some emotions I left behind at the chuppah. I can only imagine the arrow it sent through already torn hearts.
I do think some social rewinding is in order. I don't think we need any more hysteria! There is enough hysteria out there already and an entire army of teachers, mentors, Rabbis, friends, parents, and other singles feeding into the hysteria. Let's try to give our not-yet-married single friends (both male and female) some room to breathe and some positive encouragement. And let's also remember that a healthy marriage and a bayit ne'eman is the goal of all of this dating.
I have already posted some thoughts on the very popular age gap theory [Age Gap or Faulty Math?]. I'm still not sold despite commentors trying to explain its validity and even a friend walking me through the theory. At the Agudah convention, there was a showing of an official Age Gap video which can be seen on Matzav.com.
I don't intend to revisit the "math," but let's just say that when a major social change is being proposed, it would be worthwhile to present more information than a study showing that 14% of Bais Yaakov graduates ages 25-29 from 20 well-known schools remain single. What, are the men chopped liver? I'd like to know where all of the men have gone. I guess they all married younger women. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Now, back to the subject at hand. The goal of the video is to show that if the "age gap" is removed that everyone will live happily ever after. But I personally think the video does nothing more than create hysteria. And that is the last thing that the Orthodox dating population needs.
No matter what background you come from, religious or non-religious, Jewish or non-Jewish, younger or older, if you are a marriage-minded individual, especially a female marriage-minded individual, you probably have experienced your own, often self-induced, feelings of hysteria regarding dating and marriage.
For yours truly, these self-inflicted feelings of inadequacy, worry, and general lack of emunah started midway through high school! By the time I had planted my feet in the world of shidduchim, I can say that I was quite a wreck, convinced I would never marry. At that time (and it wasn't that long ago), I don't recall hearing about vast numbers of women who would be left out in the cold to live out there days as a maiden. But, I was very aware of all of the numerous things that would render a single second-class or even third-class. And, of course, there were the "dating rules" that you were expected to follow, many of which rendered a young lady petrified on a 3rd date when you were supposed to reveal your soul, or at least give a public accounting of any skeletons in your closet that might render you flawed. Because, as everyone knows, if you make it beyond 3 dates, you are "serious" and well-meaning people now have the permission to ask "nu?"
Whatever worries I had of never meeting that someone when I was 21 and unattached when heading out into the real world were compounded exponentially in the brutally honest shidduch world. Thankfully, a serious of really terrible dating experiences which made me feel like throwing in the towel completely, lead me to relax and simply not care so much about getting married. Not long after that, I did meet that someone.
While I certainly believe there are far too many singles that need to be brought down to earth, trim down their laundry list of requirements, take more action in terms of shidduchim and pound the pavement, I really think that we also need to be helping singles out by giving them an ego boost. So much of a single's life and spirit can be sucked out of them as they worry endlessly about what might be and I think that can translate into bad mazal. We are believers in a personal G-d and we believe that Hashem continues to work as a shadchan day in and day out. I'm sure that most married folks have a great story of how Hashem moved the chess pieces to make their shidduch happen. It would be nice if singles were given the message that Hashem has a match for them even if their yichus is flawed, even if they have a few extra pounds, even if their hair is frizzy, and even if their parents aren't marching to the Goldberg's drummer.
Video presentations that place X marks through female figures with the message YOU WON'T GET MARRIED unless there is major social re engineering (social engineering that would have made my our own shadchanit think twice about setting us up since she is a rules follower), strikes me as cruel, and I'm not exactly the type to ignore issues. The video awakened some emotions I left behind at the chuppah. I can only imagine the arrow it sent through already torn hearts.
I do think some social rewinding is in order. I don't think we need any more hysteria! There is enough hysteria out there already and an entire army of teachers, mentors, Rabbis, friends, parents, and other singles feeding into the hysteria. Let's try to give our not-yet-married single friends (both male and female) some room to breathe and some positive encouragement. And let's also remember that a healthy marriage and a bayit ne'eman is the goal of all of this dating.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)