Hat Tip: VIN
An article at the 5TJT looks at a Shaar Press book on relationships with in-laws. I'm sure there is plenty in there to keep a reader glued.
In the article Rabbi Twerski goes on record saying:
“The problem is that today more than ever, parents are meddling in children’s lives, and they believe that they have a right to do so,” Rabbi Twersky said in our Sunday-morning talk. He added that the prime reason that in-laws or parents get more involved in children’s lives nowadays is that in an inordinate number of situations in our community, children are no longer independent just because they’ve gotten married. He says that today in our social structure no one is really independent, and that fact is a significant contrast to the way things were not so very long ago.I find this talk that we can't change the social structure, much of which is largely self-created rather defeating. Why can't we push the rewind button and instill some expectations that existed not too long ago? There is a mitzvah for a man to leave his parents and cleave to his wife. A wife is to put her husband before her parents in terms of honor. The ketubah, hardly a romantic document, details the obligations of a husband to his wife. Our sages instruct a man to plant a field, build a home, and marry in that order, stating a fool does the opposite. And we recognize the problems created when dependent children, rather than increasingly independent young adults, marry. So why throw up our hands in defeat if it is our best interest to tackle the issue? Granted, today's adolescent period might be more lengthy due to the increasing education required for jobs. But I believe that we can still give our children increasing levels of responsibility and consequence to propel them towards independence for the sale of all involved.
Rabbi Twersky recalled that back not so long ago, when you turned 18 you went to work and were on your own—that is if your parents were not depending on your efforts to help keep the family unit afloat, which today is an unthinkable option. In discussing whether the situation of such profound dependence of married children on their parents is healthy or not, Rabbi Twersky said, “We can’t change the reality of our social structure. It is what it is and we need to deal with it as such.”
As for in-laws who can't let go (I think I might know a couple!), the best defense to meddling is to provide fewer opportunities for such meddling. Dependency creates too many opportunities.
Weigh in please on the question of why we seem to feel so powerless today?