The Rest of the Homeschooling Responses

Hate to start asubject line and never finish it up, so below are the other Yated Chinuch Roundtable responses. The most revealing, often insensitive and jaw-dropping responses (e.g. "I can't ever see a reason to homeschool a child") are in my first post: An Epidemic? Do I Detect Some Fear?

Below are the rest of the responses with some comments in [brackets].

Menahel, The Toronto Cheder

The decision to home-school your daughter is a huge, possibly life-changing decision. [As is choosing a school in many cases]. Often, searching parents end up soliciting information from other home-schooling parents, but they may not receive an impartial view from the home-schooling parents, who tend to defend their choices instead of giving accurate pros and cons to home-schooling. [Funny, because in this entire series of responses there hasn't been much reflection --except an insinuation that the parents might want to avoid tuition--as to why homeschooling is a word that is rolling off tongues of yeshiva parents. Might there be some real issues in yeshiva schools that parents are responding too? Social issues? Emotional issues? Family issues? Learning issues? Academic issues? Hashkafic issues? Pedagogic issues? As for homeschooling parents, I've spoken with the Jewish and non-Jewish homeschoolers and the responses regarding their reasons to homeschool and the planned duration are very diverse, ranging from "some time off" to tackle an issue to "we're going for the finish line"]. If you decide to go ahead with the home-schooling and you feel that your daughter is succeeding, it is most likely that you will continue this throughout her elementary years. You shouldn't only consider her situation at this juncture of her young life. It's important to look ahead at the big picture of her life now. [See above. There are no set rules].

There are serveral enticing reasons to home-school a child:
safety
no bullying issues
curriculum is tailor-made according to the child's strengths and challenges
anxiety and stress of homework are non-factors
child's self-esteem remains intact throughout
emotional bond between parent and child is greatly reinforced
can generate stability if a family is going through a transition or ordeal
children are generally well-rested
the obvious fact that a home-schooled child can accomplish more in one day than their peers do in a week at school

[Ahhhhhhh, some reasons, from emotional to academic].

There are also compelling reasons not to home-school a child:

they miss out on all the "extra" and memories that schools provide, including outings with a teacher, extracurricular activities, and healthy competition. Most adults don't remember the actual Gemara or Chumash that they were taught, but they do remember the way it was taught or the time that a rebbi or morah went out of their way for them. [Once again the argument that yeshiva schooling isn't really for the academics. For me, that is what school should be about: laying an academic foundation. And the rest can be supplemented outside the classroom.]

the parents may fancy themselves as great teachers, but in reality they're not. This will impede the child's progress [There are no less than adequate teachers that might be going the same, hence an interest in homeschooling?]

the lack of socialization learning to get along with peers, and understanding a teacher's social cues. Being in school also teaches a child how to succeed even when others are creating adversity, as well as how to interact, discuss and disagree with peers. [Sorry, but I'm stepping onto a soap box. . . I happen to think well facilitated discussion groups are an advantage of school, although that too could be taken into a different venue, but as the person who had to pick up the slack in nearly every, single group that I was assigned to from late elementary school through high school, I don't believe that all of the group work that many teachers love and is so fashionable is at all healthy, Rather than teaching "succeeding even when others are creating adversity." my experience is that the majority of kids learn that they can push off their responsibilities onto others, without penalty, because someone will do the work. Personally I think a lot more character development happens on the sporting field/gym than in the classroom because no one can hit the ball for you, run your leg of the 4*100, or, moving over to another venue, play your trumpet solo or recite your lines in the musical]. In addition, some children will exceed expectations that parents and teachers have of them due to healthy peer pressure. [What of negative peer pressure?]

loss of emotional support other than parents. Many adults credit a particular rebbi or morah with changing their lives. Often, a child needs to have a mentor or confidant other that their parents. Rabbeim/moros can open up topics in ruchniyus or topics within topics, that appeal to the child, which maybe the parent hasn't even heard about [many homeschoolers go work with tutors and Rebbis. And, and issue many schooling parents express is the lack of time (and money) to seek out opportunities that would help their children grow).

Chazal say in Pirkei Avos: "Kol sheruach chachomim nocheh heimenu ruach habriyos nocheh heimenu." Since Yehoshue ben Gamla's time, chadorim have been set up for talmidim. Adults who are most matzliach in life are the ones who are me'urov im habriyos.

A friend related that in his elementary school years, there was an illui in his class who was two years younger than the rest of his classmates. While this boy excelled in learning, he never learned how to communicate properly and it unfortunately affected him as an adult and as a husband and father. [Uh, marriages and parents have issues! Nonsensical argument, besides the boy was in school]. Home-schooling your daughter will cause her to be different and may create issues with her choice of high schools and seminaries later on. [Finally, the crux of the issue: being different]. Since you are blessed with a choice of several schools in you kehillah, choose the one that best suits your daughter's needs. Allow the capable menaheles and moros/teachers to succeed with your daughter along with your encouragement and close contact with the school. [How different are these schools really, as the responses aren't much different].

Hatzlacha.

Dean, Beth Jacob Seminary, Montreal

Your reason for wanting a one year respite from school for your daughter so that she can "benefit from a year away from the social pressures and stress." To me, this implies that you are running away from a problem and hoping that it will go away. Not only will it not go away, but it will fester and, like any other problem not dealth with, it will only grow in reality and in her imagination and will probably multiply itself twofold or more. [What a strange response. Yes, we need to deal with problems, but sometimes getting away from an issue is a starting point, even for adults]

If she is having stress, you must find the reason for that stress and try, to the best of your ability, to alleviate the underlying causes that brought it about. I also do not understand how removing your daughter from her society will remove her social pressures. She can only overcome such social pressures by learning how to deal with others. I also do not agree with you when you say that she will benefit from being removed from the social scene. She must try to understand what is causing the problem and try to minimize it. She may not be able to do it on her own and may need expert held. [If the environment of the school is hefker and the staff is on a different page, it will be near impossible to deal with the issue. I've heard such sad stories (public school stories too) and sometimes a fresh start is the best course. Reading in between the lines I hear the "deal with it" hashkafa which can be vastly inappropriate depending on what you are dealing with).

If one moves one's child from one school to another because the school is more difficult academically than what the child can handle, then I would agree fully with such a move, as one should always try to place one's children in school where they fit academically and where they can grow.

However, social situations are something else. Our children should be taught to get along with all types of people no matter the school. I therefore do not think that taking her out of school for a social reason will solve any of her stressful problems or any of the social pressures.

The only time that I would recommend home-schooling is when there is absolutely no other alternative to any conventional type of schooling. Examples would include living in a community which does not provide the type of hashkafah and education necessary. One of my nieces, who is from a chareidi Yerushalayim background, married a young man from London with a similiar background. They went into the field of kiruv and are living in Capetown, South Africa. Since the schools there do not provide the type of education they need for their children, their only option is home-schooling.

You say that there are several possible schools that your daughter could attend. If that is so, then you should turn over heaven and earth to find a solution to her problem and create a situation where she will be more socially adept. In the long run, the social aspects of conventional schooling are what will be ingrained into her personality. (Oh YES they will!).

More in Part 3, my final post on the subject. I have a lot of saved articles of interest. IF anyone has the letters to the editor section and if any of them address this round table, shoot me an email.