Goodbye NASI and their meshugas, hello Yitti Halberstam who seeks to raise the price of shidduchim beyond the price of pearls and rubies (those are already on the list of required shidduch gifts anyways!) Now you can add elective surgery into the budget along with shadchanus gelt, the long list of gifts, the big wedding, and the after wedding support/help because as we know "money ain't a thing" and eugenics is a yiddishe maise.Were they in denial about the qualities young men are seeking in future wives? Yes, it is somewhat disillusioning that men dedicated to full-time Torah learning possess what these girls might perceive are superficial values, but brass tacks: they want a spouse to whom they are attracted. The young men themselves might be too shy or ashamed to admit it, but their mothers won’t hesitate to ask what for some is the deal maker/deal breaker question, namely: “Is she pretty?”Recently, an acquaintance of mine reported the happy news that her first cousin had become a kallah for the first time at the tender age of forty. “She wowed her chasan with her beauty,” she said. “That’s what gave her an edge over the other women her age.” Then she paused. “Let’s see…she had a nose job….gastric bypass …botox injections….her teeth were capped…..and she wears violet-blue contact lenses…There’s practically nothing about her that’s real!” she laughed. “But…guess what? She’s getting married next month!”Mothers this is my plea to you: There is no reason in today’s day and age with the panoply of cosmetic and surgical procedures available, why any girl can’t be transformed into a swan. Borrow the money if you have to; it’s an investment in your daughter’s future, her life.So, my dear sweet mothers who are bristling with indignation at my thesis and feel deeply offended by my proposition: please do not be hurt by what I am suggesting. I truly want to help. If your daughter’s shidduch prospects are being hampered by a flaw or problem that can be banished or remedied, please give her the emotional and financial support to correct it. Yes, I know that we all want to be cherished for who we are inside, but whether we like it or not, appearances do count. And no Yom Tov demonstrates that reality more than Purim.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
And You Thought NASI Was Raising the Price of Shidduchim?!?!
And all this money to buy what? News to the "mothers of boys", your (best) boys aren't all that! Few of them have had much in the way of responsibility. Most of them have yet to pay an electric bill of their own. Since they haven't worked, they haven't had to take on much responsibility or face much frustration. For the most part, they haven't lived at home and needed to uphold responsibilities there either. Chessed hours are girl territory. And, most of the boys will require an even bigger cash infusion after marriage because few of these princes are men. . . . . . .but make sure frumma Barbie is there to accessorize.
Speaking of "mothers of boys," do not these same mothers have daughters of their own? It is simply astounding that these mothers can hate (themselves) and bnot yisrael while worshipping their sons.
And, while I'd like to believe that this is just the rantings of one woman (the Jewish Press did make a choice to publish it), if you've played in the shidduch sandbox long enough you will know that many mothers are either 1) allowing their son's sexual drives to drive the shidduch process without enough torat imecha or 2) super-imposing what the want. . . a great accessory.
For years and years and years I've heard about how exploitative and degrading towards women the outside world is. And yet for all the arguments for a more formalized shidduch system, I can't think of much more exploitative than recent shidduch phenomena, from the myriads of rules, to high priced shidduchim being fed by the "shidduch crisis" and capitalized upon by NASI, to this drivel. My take on the outside world is much more kind. While there are major issues and a shidduch crises of its own brewing as more and more boys are under accomplished, underemployed, and stuck in an adolescent rut, I don't see looks and other superficialities as an the prominent players among those who are marrying and building homes. Ultimately, good marriages are build foundations of friendship, giving, trust, and respect. My overweight or "plain" friends are as likely to be married as my bombshell beautiful friends. If they can give to another person and offer love, companionship, and friendship, they can marry. In a world where first impressions aren't everything, as first impressions need not be last impressions, this isn't particularly surprising.
As I've said before, just when you think a society can't sink lower, something else comes around the bend to make sure that we witness the decent to the 49th level of tumah. One would have thought that this was Purim Torah (has the author ever learned Megillah and commentaries?), but it appears to be more of a redux of our years in mitzrayim, a country where physicality was king and tzniut of spirit was a message unheard.
More on other topics of shidduchim another time.