I am quite frankly shocked that the mothers at Imamother seem to think that the $50,000 in student debt one of the posters has hidden from her husband is no biggie. The poster is (rightfully) scared what the fallout when the inevitable comes. And, the husband had planned to support his wife as a SAHM.
The other posters are trying to reassure her that school costs money:
-school costs money, so of course you have debt and that is normal
-it will *only* cost a couple hundred dollars a month to pay it back
-it is normal to spend the first few years after school working to pay back the loan
Some posters think the wife should drop her husband hints about the debt(!).
Whether or not the financial burden is manageable (unless the husband does really well, it will likely be very difficult to manage because the extra payment will have to be absorbed into the excess she earns, the greater taxes she will pay on a second income, and the childcare for the kids that they have), isn't the crux issue. The issue is one of betrayal!
Can you imagine these same posters thinking that an undisclosed extramarital affair is not biggie? What about a woman who doesn't disclose that she can't have children?
Label me unromantic and a total dud, but marriage is largely an economic arrangement. The ketubah makes that no secret and the ketubah isn't kept a secret as it is read under the chuppah (not particularly romantic if you think about it). Or in the words of
The husband has ever right to be very upset and feel betrayed. I hope that they could work through the betrayal, but the poster who thinks that some husbands might just give kisses and reassure the wife that he will be there for her seems pretty naive to me.
I put out the jury to only one husband, but you should have seen the eye's bulge out of my husband's head. Even if the husband takes the news standing up, chances are there are a lot of life unexpected life changes. Before kids, such a situation would have been much more manageable. After kids, an additional debt load like that could mean public school, moving into a smaller apartment (hope they did not buy a home during the real estate boom), or liquidating savings. And, what if the wife is unable to find a job in the current economy?
Let's take a lesson out of this: family finances should always be an open book!