A Purim Message for the Husbands Out There
Year after year the Shabbat following Purim when the ladies get together before their husbands come home from shul, the discussion inevitably turns to their husband's "simcha" of the season. One by one the women tell their stories and while they appear proud, you can really see that many of the women are quite pained, but will not admit so publicly, even if put of the spot (I once did that).
I have heard a story about husband who have passed out in front of their children on a neighbor's doorstep. The wife and another man had to pick up the husband and carry him to the car to return home. I have heard the stories of husband's vomiting all over the house. I have heard stories of a group of kollel husband who got drunk and rowdy at a Rav's home and said some rather obnoxious things.
Husbands, it is fine to have some extra wine on Purim, but if you are passing out or vomiting all over your home, you are being 'over on who knows how many mitzvot and it is disgusting. Creating a huge mess for your wife to clean up is inexcusable. Passing out so that you are unavailable to help with your children is not at all conducive to the chinuch of your children even if done in the name of Purim. And, embarrassing your wife in front of your friends and Rebbeim, is terribly demeaning to her.
The women may try to tell their stories proudly, but it is obvious to all that they are pained by the behavior. So, think before you drink.
Baruch Hashem I have no stories to tell.
15 comments:
Oh G-d, how I would love to tell some of my Purim stories. But most of them would give up my identity, so no go.
Regarding vomiting: if you don't have enough control to make it to the toilet, you have no business getting drunk in the first place.
I think that drinking on Purim ( and Simchas Torah) by those who can't handle it cannot be squared with those Rishonim and Poskim who deny that there is such a mitzvah at all. Take a look at the discussion in HaMoadim BHalacha on this issue. R D A Twerski strongly believes that one should drink a little wine and no more. Look at it this way-According to many Poskim , one can fulfil Arba Kosos with grape juice either for medical reasons or if drinking four cups of wine will not enhance one's Simchas YT and sense of Parsumei Nisa on Leil Seder. Why not apply the same logic to Purim , where the obligation is rabbinic in nature?
Amen, Sephardi Lady!
I saw a great announcement from our former rabbi on this subject. He begins, "With Purim, it is amazing that many who are not well versed in Gemorah or Halacha , all of a sudden know a Chazal by heart, verbatim. The Gemorah in Megilla (7b) states “Chayav Einesh LeBesomay B’Purmai”- that one is obligated to get drunk on Purim. We also see that not only do people know this Gemorah by heart but in practice people who might not be so careful about other halachos are very machmir (stringent) with this halacha." Thanks for addressing the subject - B"H I don't have this problem either.
גוט געזאגט !
Out of curiosity, I wonder if any of the readers have any such tales involving females on Purim (not to defend the men in the stories above, just wondering if the problem is as gender-specific out there as in the portrayal).
My wife and I will be celebrating Purim in an alcohol-free environment. There are two alcohol-free Orthodox synagogues in our neighborhood. :-)
Here is a link to an organization that is trying to do something about alcoholism and substance abuse among Jews:
http://www.jacsweb.org/
Alcohol free Shuls ? Do they not make kiddush there on Shabbos or Yomtov either ?
I have seen many getting drunk from seltzer, they are acting AS stupid, but at least they dont vomit ;)
Many who know the gemara, don't know the poskim.
The Rema says b'ferush to have a little more wine than usual and go to sleep.
The Mishna Berurah also implies that one should be sameach in the mitzvah and become confused as to whether he's happy that the Jews were saved or that Mordechai was elevated to viceroy. In other words, one should try and rejoice in both and therefore become confused as to which he's really happy about. Liquor isn't really part of it.
I intend on drinking a glass or two of wine (the mitzvah is in wine, too, not single-malt) at my seudah and that's it.
' Do they not make kiddush there on Shabbos or Yomtov either ? '
Grape juice.
The men and women always seem to be at odds on this one. I posted about this on my blog and got a lot of feedback. I will agree that people who don't know how to handle their liquor should not drink. Also, those that will act obnoxious shouldn't either. However, I believe that not all the drinking that goes on on Purim is bad. You all need to realize that some people do not vomit everywhere, some people do not make fools of themselves, and some people don't have negative feelings they harbor about their wives. The carte blanche attitude of anti drinking is not correct either.
Speaking as a husband who does a good deal of housework and taking care of the baby, I don't think it is so terrible that the wives do a little more cleanup work one day a year. If their husbands never help out, that's a different problem.
check out my blog for a discussion of the halachah regarding who is really in charge -- the husband or the wife
>>>Speaking as a husband who does a good deal of housework and taking care of the baby, I don't think it is so terrible that the wives do a little more cleanup work one day a year.
So long as a husband doesn't need his vomit cleaned up, it wouldn't be so terrible. In this case I was particularily referring to cleaning up vomit. I can see we both agree that that level of drinking is really beyond the pale.
You are correct about how it has gotten out of control, Sephardilady. We hosted a seudah and thank G-d it worked out very well. You're right, drinking to the point of throwing up is not advisable. People should try to perfect getting drunk without throwing up; I've perfected that art over the years.
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