Wedding Gifts: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Baruch Hashem, we have been invited to and have attended a number of weddings in the last few years and have enjoyed each simcha greatly. However, for some reason choosing the appropriate gift often seems like a huge challenge.

I am the type of person that likes to give a more personal gift, and I often feel that my check isn't particularly sizable, whereas the gift that I paid the same amount for is a substantial contribution to building a new bayit ne'eman b'yisrael. I analyze the gift registry, think about the couple and their likes and needs, and after a ridiculous amount of thought, I settle on a gift and actually go make the purchase. (Just a note: One factor I do not consider when making a gift is the price of the wedding. Those who have made expensive weddings have received similar gifts to those who have made modest weddings. I think it is ridiculous to expect others to ).

SephardiMan likes life to be less complicated and would be more than happy to just pull out the checkbook and write a check. This is often what we do when invited to a wedding that we are sadly unable to attend and for which the couple will not be living anywhere close to us. Somehow, it is much easier to write a smaller check when you don't attend the wedding.

I wonder if the (over)analysis of the gift registry and the future couple's living situation is a "girl thing" since the few times the discussion has come up at our house the guys all state the practically uncontested, unanimous opinion that it is just easiest to write a check. Somehow, the guys seem to see no need to make a wedding gift personal or thoughtful, and view a check with the couples names on it to be personal enough (their name is on the check, right?).

Well, baruch Hashem, we are back in the wedding gift market (or shall I say, I am back in it since SephardiMan sees no need to agonize about such things) and I am faced with the ever difficult decision of what to buy some of our friends who are marrying soon.

Each couple is so different and their situations are so different. Even though most couples make a registry, which should give me a clue, I still find gift giving a challenge and sometimes I wander about the wisdom of buying them another set of china, for example, when only two have been purchased from the registry. Will they want to purchase the rest of the china themselves? Are they in the position to do so before that design is discontinued? And, yes, sometimes I question the wisdom of the registry, since I know that silk bedsheets for apartment dwellers that will be sharing a communal laundry facility is not, perhaps, the best choice.

A long time ago I used to be tempted to buy couples pretty serving pieces, until I was told by an unestablished couple that this demographic doesn't need pieces they don't have room to store, but need the basics like cookware and bakeware. Now I always keep this advice at the back of my mind when looking for the choose the right wedding gift. When I married, I already had many of the basics and had really enjoyed receiving extras that I probably would not have make room in my own budget for, but enjoy immensely. And, when it comes to second marriages, the challenge is even greater since the chances of two households combining and needing or even wanting something (besides and edition on the house and a mediator to help decide what stays and what goes) is unlikely. In these situations, even I don't mind heading for the checkbook , or at least the gift certificate counter.

I'd love to hear the opinions of my readers (guys you can participate too!) and find out what you think the best ideas are for different types of couples and what you greatly appreciated getting and why.

Mazel Tov to all the new couples out there. May you have a wonderful marriage.