Approaching Shabbat Calmly

I have discovered an incredible blog written by a mother of a large family who shares her fantastic ideas complete with pictures (many of them mouthwatering-yum!). As a "mom in training," I'm enjoying myself as I take a look, try to take in some of her wisdom, and find ideas that I could adopt as my own.

In this post, "Adventures of a Supermom," Juggling Frogs writes a little story about dealing with the frustration and chaos before Shabbat by taking getting a bit of fresh air and refocusing.

The adrenaline rush before Shabbat plays out differently in every family. Just as some athletes perform well under pressure, I am convinced that families use the adrenaline rush before Shabbat to their benefit. They experience a "high" and keep fighting. And when the game is over they feel satisfied and exhilarated.

But other athletes crumble under the pressure. They get a lump in their throat and start to choke up. They feel frustrated and can't seem to find their pace. Despite their talents, they just can't find their groove amidst the adrenaline rush. I've been in some homes where the looming deadline causes tempers to heat and the kids suffer the consequences. I can't imagine that the pressure is good chinuch.

This athlete who falls into the second category must take a different approach to the competition. He or she must learn to control the adrenaline because anything else is disastrous.

Not too far into our marriage, I discovered that our "team" fell into the second category. I think I was a bit surprised because when I was single and I hosted others for Shabbat I worked well under pressure. Not so married. And certainly not so with children.

Since this discovery, I started to play with different ideas to find the right pace so that stepping into Shabbat/Yom Tov is a pleasant experience, and one that leaves me with enough left to actually enjoy the day.

Here is what works for me and help me keep my sanity:

1. My dishwasher: As I cook, I throw in the things that need washed. As soon as I have a full or almost full load, I get the dishwasher started. I tend to take out things and stick in other things as needed. But an almost empty sink helps me feel less overwhelmed.

2. Keeping with a schedule: I try to do my inviting on Monday, my menu planning on Tuesday, my shopping on Wednesday, and the bulk of my preparations on Thursday, and my baking on Friday. Whatever I do on Friday, I try to include my kids since they relate to Shabbat when they help with anticipation. Adrenaline hasn't got the best of them yet.

3. My freezer: I keep a supply of frozen soups in the freezer and frozen challot. If I'm feeling crunched for time, I raid my supply and replenish another time.

4. Cleaning and Delegation: I try to keep up with my cleaning during the week and avoid getting into a major cleaning project on Friday. I can't take dirty messes, but have learned to put up with unfinished, but neat, piles of work like laundry, papers waiting to be filed, etc.

I try not to involve myself in a major cleaning project on Friday even if I have the time with the exception of cleaning up unexpected dirty messes. For me, cleaning is contagious. So, it is better to bite off cleaning is spurts during the week than try to pile it on before Shabbat.

I've also learned to delegate the last minute toy cleanup to my husband and kids, as well as bathtime. He also helps the kids get dressed and I stopped putting them in Shabbat clothing on Friday night. Pajamas it is.

5. Shabbat Seudot: Over the years, I've tried to do away with the fear that we will not have enough food and make what we will need and enjoy. My basic Shabbat dinner is usually made up of three courses: soup, the main course, and dessert. For Yom Tov I usually add in a fish course. Otherwise we eat our fish on Shabbat at seudah shlishit.

What I like about soup is that it is easy to make in bulk and it freezes well (with some minor exceptions). I enjoy all types of soups and this adds the variety that I seek. The chopping can be time consuming, but I can usually get 2 meals worth in one batch.

My main course normally includes three main entrees: a meat or chicken dish, a starch, and a vegetable dish. I try to limit my efforts to two of three of the dishes. If I am spending time making meatballs and the vegetable dish, I will just make steamed rice or couscous If I am spending time making a fancier rice, I might just steam vegetables for a side dish.

Dessert is normally just fresh fruit or a mix of frozen fruits. If I'm having a bigger crowd I might make a dessert. If it is just us, I usually avoid it because I don't really want the leftovers around.
Lunch I approach with flexibility. Many of the foods I serve on Friday night can also be served at room temperature again on Saturday. So we often eat smaller portions of the dinner menu on Saturday. If I'm having guests I might add a cholent or soup from the crock pot, or a nice salad or two. But, we tend to host on Friday night, so more often than not, we just see a repeat of everything that can be heated on a blech or served cold or at room temperature.

If I am feeling sick during the week, or I just have too much to do, I pull out a one dish meal. My favorite is a Moroccan Chicken stew with a side of couscous. It can be served hot or cold. I call this a wonder food! I once saw a letter decrying households that do not prepare a proper Shabbat meal. The writer theorized that parents who do this are hurting their children's religious development by not treating Shabbat with the proper kavod. I can guarantee you that my family would be far worse off if I tried to pull out all the stops every week.

I learn so much from my readers. So please share your tips for entering Shabbat calmly. I love to hear them. Chances are I will find something I can adopt now or later.