Picture of My 15 Minute Challah

My post on Quick Challah brought in a number of comments and questions including questions about allowing sufficient time for the challah to rise a second time. I thought I'd post a picture of my finished (water) challah so that everyone can answer the question of sufficient rise for themselves. I made my dough in the morning and my oldest quickly braided these for about 10 minutes (no second rise) before jumping into the shower.

My challah recipe uses 5 cups of flour and is kneaded in a Kitchen Aid mixer. Kosher on a Budget has links to a mixer priced at $162 after rebates.

I've been using my mixer for at least 7 years and the engine is still going strong. A good mixer does carry a hefty price tag, but useful workhorses are on my frugal-approved list. If you average out the cost over say 10 years, it equals the cost of 3 bakery challahs.

What appliances have paid dividends in your kitchen? Speaking on dividends, training children to help and take responsibility is a tremendous investment! I'm starting to see the investment pay off in the form of pretty nice looking challah.

Shabbat Shalom.

Quick Challah

I often hear about how much time it takes to make challah. I used to believe the same, but thanks to a friend I learned just how quick it can be to make challah. I spend a bit less than 10 minutes on preparing the dough Friday morning and a bit less than 10 minutes getting the dough from the prep bowl onto a baking sheet shortly before Shabbat. The challah tastes good, but it isn't fancy.

Seriously, it would take me more time to buy challah! (Wish I knew that when I was first married. I would have extra dough in the bank account!) Here is my easy and quick method. The only downside to this challah in my opinion is that it doesn't freeze nicely. Some might consider not being able to take challah a downside, but I make double and triple batches often enough that I don't feel incomplete with a 5 cup recipe. We aren't huge bread eaters.

8 Minutes
1. Combine 1/4 cup of warm water with 2 1/2 teaspoons of yeast and approximately 1 tablespoon of sugar. I buy yeast in bulk, but believe that this equals one package of yeast. I combine all of this right in the Kitchen Aid mixing bowl. I'm told that yeast is best prepared in a glass bowl. But time is of the essence here.

2. Go do something else for about 5 minutes while the yeast gets bubbly.

3. Come back and add 1/4 cup sugar, approx 1/4 cup oil, 2.5 cups of whole wheat flour, 2.5 cups of white flour, and another 1 and 1/4 cups of water. I keep all my challah supplies in arm's reach of my Kitchen Aid.

4. Turn on Kitchen Aid mixer to a low setting and until a ball of dough forms. If a ball isn't forming readily, grab dough and push into a ball. I use this time to wipe the counter clean.

5. Put a (clean) shower cap on top of the Kitchen Aid. Leave in a warm place.

Downtime
6. Go do whatever you need to do for many hours.

7 Minutes
7. Approximately 10 30 (corrected!) minutes before Shabbat, pre-heat oven to 350 degrees F, punch down challah and quickly shape dough (or have your kids shape the dough if you can afford extra time). Put in oven for 25 minutes. Go take a shower, set your table, or set your food up on the blech. Take challah out of oven and enjoy on Shabbat.

Shabbat Shalom all!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Updated for reader comments:
One reader sees I haven't added the time to wash the bowl. I tend to take care of this Saturday night. I'm dealing with a million other dishes anyways.

Another readers sees I have made no cost comparison. I don't even have a clue how much bakery or commercial challah costs anymore. When I stopped buying, it was already $3.50 a loaf. I'm told challah can be as much as $5 a loaf now.

If I'm smart, I can stock up on 5 lb. white flour for as low as a dollar (that deal hasn't come around in a while). But I can normally buy for $2.29 or lower. I can buy whole wheat flour for $2.99. A bag of white and a bag of whole wheat will last me for at least a month, often longer.

Never buy yeast at the grocery store. The jar is massively expensive. For right around $5 you can get yeast in bulk at Costco. There is enough for 9-12 months in that bag!

Sugar has gone up in price. Nevertheless, a bag will last a long time and you can normally buy sugar on sale for $1.99 for a shrinking bag. I think we are down to 4 lbs. now.

I buy oil in bulk size containers for around $4.99. This too lasts a long time.

One thing my readers might notice is that I can't tell you how much a recipe costs. This isn't due to lack of mathematical skill. But I might make a post on how I set a grocery budget and why I don't engage in calculating out the cost or this and that.

Mesila Counselor on Correcting Erroneous Thought Patterns

The following was just published in Mishpacha in response to another letter. It is written by a Mesilsa counselor, an organization that I admire. I'm always thrilled to see well written pieces that help disseminate ideas that are key in helping build financially stable families. This is an excellent response. Rarely is solid financial advice groundbreaking as it is rooted in sechel and a mesorah.


CREDITS CARDS ARE NOT THE ANSWER
[Inbox / Issue 309]
In response to your article entitled “The Newlywed Spending Bubble,” Y.B. from Lakewood writes the following: “For some of us, credit cards are a lifesaver. Shabbos comes every week, no matter what your financial status is, as do the Yamim Tovim, bar mitzvahs, weddings, and the like. Even if you don’t buy the fanciest roast, you still need the basics, which can be burdensome for large families. And when your son’s toe is at the end of his shoe or already popping through, you can’t always wait until the funds are there.”

As a Mesila counselor, I have to respectfully disagree with that statement. For a family that is struggling to pay for its basic needs, creditcards are not a lifesaver, but a dangerous trap. Putting purchases on a credit card is an easy way to pay for immediate needs, but it creates a much worse problem in its wake.

If a family is already having a hard time making ends meet, paying an extra 15–30 percent in interest above and beyond the purchase price of everything on their credit card will surely make things harder.

Even if credit cards are a lifesaver in certain situations, a lifesaver is by definition something that should be necessary only in an emergency. Shabbos is not an emergency; nor are Yamim Tovim or simchahs. And kids don’t outgrow their shoes in a day or two. If a family is feeling the pinch from any of these normal, predictable expenses, credit cards are not the answer.

Y.B. goes on to write: “Some of us must have bitachon that, although we don’t know how we will pay off our credit cards, if we are doing ratzon Hashem, we are confident that He will provide for us in some way or form.”

This is a gross misapplication of the concept of bitachon, for bitachon does not justify acting in a way that is financially irresponsible. Charging things to your credit card and then waiting for money to miraculously appear is a highly dangerous habit, and one that the Ultimate Provider
will not necessarily underwrite.

So what is a struggling family to do when there are bills that need to be paid, but no money to pay them with?

For one thing, they can seek creative, low-cost alternatives to ensure that the family is adequately fed and attired. They can also build a spending budget that maximizes every dollar and allows them to meet their basic needs while avoiding unnecessary expenditures. And a prime example of an unnecessary expenditure is money paid to the bank in the form of
interest on credit card debt!

It is also critical for every family — even a family that is having a hard time making ends meet — to put aside cash on a regular basis. Even if all you can manage to put aside is $10 a week, the money will build up steadily, giving you your own little fund to turn to in a pinch — instead of having to look to greedy credit card companies for illusory salvation.

[Meslia Counselor]
Baltimore

Potpourri: Chanukah Gelt, Fundraising, Lending, and Fraud

---The time has come in which schools and Parent Teacher Associations start collecting for holiday gifts. I turned over my check last week and the money is being handled by the president of the PTA who is picking out gifts for the staff and will be letting us know shortly what was collected and what was gifted. School administration is uninvolved with collection and distribution of the funds and contributions are optional. Thankfully we were able to contribute the modest amount requested.

In other schools, the dance is a bit different. Years ago, a friend of mine told me that the Rebbes in her children's school go home with thousands of dollars each Chanukah. In her school, gifts are given to the Rebbes directly by parents/students in a custom known as Chanukah Gelt. Let us leave aside the tax issues for a moment (I do believe this money should be processed through payroll and subject to normal with holdings) and consider the inequity such a practice could potentially create. This custom, as well as the expectation of tipping camp counselors to increase their pay, are problematic and create plenty of animosity.

---The Jewish Standard has another article on the community funding model . I'm glad some people are more optimistic than I because being told that a large and growing communal fund isn't going to lower tuition, but rather just stem the tide of future increases isn't particularly encouraging. I mean, how much higher can tuition go?

The reader who kindly sent me the story informs me that the lowest listed tuition for a school funded by NNJKIDS is $15,000. After five months of fundraising, eight elementary schools received money each received a little over $22,000. There are still many influential people who believe that more fundraising is the answer to communal issues. And certainly where communal fundraising helps the schools communicate, there is a positive benefit. But, as far as I am concerned, the only way to get to the bottom of the issue is to shrink the infrastructure. Meanwhile, I'm told that the infrastructure continues to expand at a multi-million dollar cost.

---Meanwhile, the Jewish Worker asks an important question based on a Mishapacha article, namely are (money lending) gemachs harmful? I do believe there is a prohibition in extending a loan for which payment is simply impossible. Yet in Israel, running from gemach to gemach is a known sport. Borrowed money is known to play into increased costs. I read an interesting article recently in an economic publication that made the argument that had mortgage borrowers been required to place a traditional down payment on homes, there would not have been a bubble to burst.

Here in our own little bubble we are seeing that unsustainable spending habits, fueled largely by credit, have pushed the cost of Orthodoxy into the stratosphere. The extension of credit isn't being used to fund new businesses or learning vocations. It is mostly being used to fund consumption. A return to the (very Jewish) concept of thrift coupled with an avoidance of debt would be most helpful in restoring some economic sanity. It is time to leave this culture of debt behind at the individual level and the organizational level. See a previous post of mine: A Plan that Starts with Debt isn't Must of a Plan.

---Remember that offhand comment from the 5Towns Newspaper Editor to the visiting Rebbe about laundering money to the Eida faction through American schools? Well, it seems that someone is one step ahead because something fraudulent (or is more tzniut language "not nice") is going on in Yerushalayim as Education Ministry officials have discovered that 20,000 Eida Haredit children's names have been used by other Haredi schools that do accept "Zionist money." I'm not quite sure how those names and identification numbers ended up in the hands of the other G-d fearing administrators, but something is definitely fishy. The Eida has proclaimed that they are "aware of the phenomenon." Nevertheless, they refuse to cooperate in the investigation out of ideological motives. I guess theft isn't tzniut or Shabbos, so it isn't important.

Guest Post: Seminary and Shabbat

I'm thankful to all of my guest posters who are keeping this blog active while I deal with some other things and catch up on some work. Thanks Mom in Israel! Post follows:

Guest post for Orthonomics on Seminary Girls

Many thanks to my blog-friend and now real-life friend 'Sephardi Lady' for inviting me to post.

The scene: Monday evening in the dormitory hallway. Girls crowd around the public phones, trying to organize a place for Shabbat. I finger my asimonim and my address book, searching for someone I haven't been to in a while. People know that girls need places and are always inviting them for Shabbat, but I am shy. Also, my mother taught me that it wasn't polite to invite yourself to someone's house, so I don't call people that I felt weren't sincere. The people I reach sound disappointed when they say, "This week isn't good for us, but you can call back in a couple of days if you're really stuck." A couple of days is too late; I have to sign up my Shabbat location by Wednesday morning. And who wants to go to someone on an inconvenient week?

The school doesn't leave us completely at loose ends, and maintains lists of families that have offered to host students. You can also stay in the dorms and be invited within the neighborhood, or cook for yourselves in your apartment's kitchen. The catch is that you have to be with a friend, and my friends have more Shabbat invitations than they can handle. So Tuesday evening finds me knocking on my friends' doors, hoping that their hosts' generosity can be expanded to include an out-of-town hanger-on.

When Sephardi Lady mentioned that girls have been asking their parents for money for Shabbat meals [link], I sympathize with the girls. It's no fun to go away every single week, unless you are visiting close relatives. Parents who can afford to send their children to Israel should be expecting to pay for all of their daughters' meals, and not be dependent on the graciousness of near strangers.

One friend agrees to get "set up" with me for Shabbat, and we go to a kollel couple. It turns out that the hostess has "setting up" of a different kind in mind; she is looking for shidduchim for her husband's colleagues. She sees that I am not interested so she concentrates on my friend, pumping her for details whenever I go to the bathroom.

Now I'm on the other side, and I still think the system doesn't work. I live in an out-of-the-way, unglamorous place as far as overseas programs are concerned. So on the rare occasion that I am asked, I am usually glad to host. If not, I say no. But I gather that families in other locations get asked quite frequently, and may feel pressured to agree.

There are two reasons programs for girls don't provide for Shabbat. One is shul. When my college had a rare in-Shabbat, we were brought to the yeshiva next door for davening, and ushered out before we had a chance to socialize. Also, yeshivas consider Shabbat an important part of the bonding experience, while girls traditionally spend Shabbat in a family environment (and are expected to help, whether they go home or to hosts).

I met a woman recently who spent a year in a Bet Yaakov type seminary in Israel. Most of the families that the seminary sent her to welcomed her, but a few seemed more interested in the household help than in having a guest. From the moment she walked in, she was on duty to help with the children and housework. Some families did not have enough food even for themselves. Once, she was shown a bed with sheets that reeked of urine. Often the wives were overwhelmed with caring for small children and desperate for a break. The seminaries felt that this was good training for the girls and a fair exchange for meals. The woman I met added that she complained if the situation was bad, and the seminary would stop sending girls to that family.

Then there are the summer programs. One of them asked a community to host high-school-age girls for Shabbat. My friend told me that at noontime Friday, the bus dropped off two girls who were expecting lunch. Why should baalabatim, who are already hosting guests for Shabbat meals, provide Friday lunch for girls whose parents can afford to send them on a summer tour? Mimi of Israeli Kitchen describes a similar situation. Mimi told it as a humorous story, but there is a dark side as well. What if those girls hadn't been so friendly and well-mannered, or Mimi couldn't have spared the extra food? I remember being advised to eat lunch on Fridays so I wouldn't arrive at my hosts starving.

I benefited so much from the hospitality of others. As a single, I was grateful, although I didn't understand all that was involved. But at what point does it cease to be hospitality, and become taking advantage?

I don't blame the students at all. I simply believe that the girls' programs need to limit the number of free Shabbatot. And we haven't touched on the issue of holidays, and harder still, the days before and around the holidays.

I don't see the situation changing anytime soon. So unless your daughter has close friends or relatives she can use as a base, I suggest the following to parents:

1. Ask the programs when and how they arrange home hospitality. Try and choose a program that does not rely on weekly hospitality .
   
2. Teach your children how to act in the homes they are visiting. Jameel posts some guidelines.
   
3. If your children are spending a lot of time in the home of another family, send a note to the family thanking them. Consider sending a gift as well. (In general I don't appreciate or expect gifts for hosting, but long-term is different.)
   
4. Find out where your children are going for Shabbat, with whom, and how they know the hosts.

We're Ready!!!!

Ready for Yom Tov here. Our sukkah frame is up, lol. True Sephardi Family style.

Chag Sameach.

Sephardi Alternative to Honey Cake: Tispishti

Commentor tdr requested this flourless cake recipe from me. It is a traditional Sephardi Rosh Hashana recipe and those who are accustomed to forgoing nuts will quickly notice it has lots of nuts in it. If you don't eat nuts on Rosh Hashana, but want to give this recipe a try, save it for Pesach. It beats any Pesach cake you can buy on the market hands down, and will put Pesach cake mixes to shame.

My regular readers will also notice it isn't the most frugal of recipes. But, considering I'm using the ground nuts that were leftover from the Pesach charoset, and that have been sitting in my freezer, I can say it didn't cost me anything more than what I already had to spend.

Recipe adapted from Sephardic Holiday Cooking by Gilda Angel (my holiday cooking bible).

Cake batter:

6 eggs separated
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 Tablespoon liquor (the author uses Whiskey, I've used Hazelnut liquor or Almond liquor. Whatever is in our home-which isn't much-should work)
1 Tablespoon water
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
dash of ground cloves
1.5 teaspoons baking soda
2 cups ground walnuts (I imagine almonds would work too)
grated rind of orange and lemon

Syrup: (Heat in microwave or boil over stove)
3/4 cup honey
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/4 cup water

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Beat egg yolks until think and lemon colored. Add sugar and beat until smooth.
Stir in vanilla, liquor, water, cinnamon, cloves, baking soda, ground nuts, and grated rinds.
Beat separated eggs whites until they are stiff. Fold together batter and egg whites.
Pour into a greased baking pan. I used a circle baking pan because it gives a nice presentation.
Bake 30 minutes more or less.

Poke holes in cake with a fork. Drown cake in syrup.

This is a rich recipe. It has been a hit amongst guests, but you can't eat too much of it. I recommend serving with fresh fruit.

When Brisket Runs Over $16 per Pound

I stopped in the kosher store recently to see if I could locate a somewhat obscure ingredient for a Syrian dish I was making, only to later find it (on sale) in a neighborhood grocery shortly after. While I was in the store I noted brisket was a whopping $16.59 per pound. The particular brisket sitting in front of me cost in total over $65 and I don't think it would have made a second showing on the second day of Yom Tov.

The shopping I did for the past Shabbat, the coming Shabbat, and Rosh Hashana right in between hasn't cost me a whole lot more than $65 (of course, I'm using many ingredients on hand like flour, eggs, and canned goods I have already picked up on sale and/or on the damaged rack).

Roasts are a staple for chagim in many houses. But if you are trying to maintain some grocery budget sanity, something has got hit the butcher block. And roasts have hit my chopping block, possibly for good. I skipped pricy cuts of meat this last Pesach and once again will be skipping such cuts for Tishrei.

My secret for managing Yom Tov within the yearly grocery budget is to make sure the main dishes poultry, fish, and meat are kept to small portions and are not the sole focus of the meal. By serving a number of tempting and unique side dishes, the focus shifts from the main dishes to the side dishes and we don't consume $65 of meat in a single sitting. Another secret of mine is to serve hearty soups. For the chagim, I make a hearty chicken soup with good size chunks of chicken and lots of vegetables in it. Once everyone is done having a hearty soup, they tend to control their portions of food better than when they had a chicken broth soup for the 1st course.

Of course, on Yom Tov we should give proper kavod through delicacies (and those who have tried my flourless cake in a honey sauce are in for a treat). But, knowing we will come out of Yom Tov without too many extra pounds and a crushed budget is also a treat.

I'm Bored

The Aish mom blog has caught my eye. The current article begins with these statements: "It strikes terror into the heart of every mother, paralyzes the best of teachers, antagonizes even good-natured babysitters. It's a short expression that packs a lot of punch. No one wants to hear their children say those dreaded words, "I'm bored."

The author is correct that many parents fear boredom. People I have met and articles I have read include possible boredom as one of the reasons camp is a must. Perhaps my opinion is not a popular one, but I welcome "boredom" in moderation. Capitalized upon, boredom can be translated into productivity.

The author writes, "It's particularly frustrating after all the money we've lavished on summer camp, the latest computer games, the newest toys...." A commentor hits the nail on the head when he writes "Could this be why more mundane activities are boring? They've been desensitized with so much of the latest gadgets and technology that traditional activities just do not suffice."

The author asks, "Do [our kids] see us flit from project to project, unable to sit down and really see something through to the end, excited by the vision and not the nitty gritty work?" and recommends that we take a more active interest in the world around us writing, "If our children see us enthralled with everyday vistas and experiences, they will learn to do the same."

This is fine no doubt. But, to tell you the trust, I can't ever remember seeing my own parents regularly and actively enthralled, nor were they always excited by the vision because the "nitty gritty work" is, well, work. And yet, I can't remember spending a summer bored, although by the end of break I was certainly ready to go back to school. As I recall, there was always something to do. I have no doubt that my mother welcomed boredom too. The result of my own "boredom" often ended up in learning something new, reading, exercising, bike riding, or just cleaning the house. And if I didn't find something, my mother suggested something. (In no way do I endorse letting children randomly roam the streets, although it is a shame that seeing kids bike ride around a neighborhood is a rarity today).

The real problem, in my very amateur parent opinion, is not so much that the adults don't demonstrate enough enthusiasm, although a little more probably couldn't hurt, but that we have engaged in over scheduling both our children and ourselves and that our children simply don't know what to do with "downtime." They are so used to being "entertained" and stimulated by the excitement of something, they have lost some ability to just choose some work and see it through. I have to say that if I see a topic in the Yated one more time about what to do to "entertain" kids, I will scream. I'm afraid all of the entertaining has worked against parents.

In the week between school and camp, conversations amongst mothers focus on how hard it is to have the kids home, how they are "bored" and how they are "driving me crazy." Perhaps I live in an alternative universe, but we haven't experienced any of the above. My kids have been occupying themselves quite nicely. The oldest seems to have found a new interest. And the kids have been so engrossed with reading each other books every morning this week, that I've been free to tackle some projects. I might be the only parent out there who actually is experiencing a small tinge of sadness that school starts next week.

Recommended book I read this summer: Hyperparenting: Are You Hurting Your Child By Trying Too Hard? which was later reprinted as The Overscheduled Child. These books are far too detailed to review in one sentence, but one recommendation was to let the child live amongst the parents in his life, rather than separating the child out into his/her own activities. The authors recommend abandoning the notion that parents' lives revolve solely around their children and revisits the concept of children being a part of the daily discourse of a family, where they learn a great deal more about living by having the opportunity to observe adults in an adult world. Today it seems that many children are removed from the day to day life of their parents. I imagine much of the difficulty the week between camp and school or school and camp is that parents and children don't have a regular non-Shabbat rhythm when they are together. And being together outside of Shabbat and Yom Tov is a rarity as boys have school on Sundays and then there are the Sunday extracurriculars.

Just some thoughts. As always, I await your comments.

A Little Fun: Our Children, Our Guarantors

On the even of Shavuot, I just want to wish my readers a Chag Sameach. I am hoping to put together some 'Orthonomic' thoughts on Pirkei Avot to share after the chag, but in the meantime, I thought I'd share some strange moments from our kitchen today which I have mentally filed under the timely theme of our children being our guarantors to Hashem in exchange for the gift of Torah.

What we find as parents is that children really do learn by osmosis. Sometimes we get so caught up in "teaching" that a busy week (like the week before any Yom Tov) we start questioning, have we done enough? Could we have gone through the megillah one more time? Could we have taught another song from the machzor? Perhaps we could have read one more story? And we forget that our kids are just learning by being.

Today I was reminded that, yes, our kids are learning despite me! Around lunchtime, I was making the most amazing looking Moroccan fish and cheese spirals. My son says to me, "Mommy, what are you making?" I showed him my list and talked a little bit about some of the foods and what Sephardi area they came from. He turns to me and asks, "Can Ashkenazim eat these foods?" At first I dismissed him with an "of course." Then I realized he was asking a really serious question. In our home, when we discuss halacha, we always discuss the predominate (Ashkenazi) halacha/minhagim that the kids will likely see around the neighborhood, and then the (various) Sephardi minhagim. He really did want to know if Ashkenazim could/would eat these foods and my husband pointed out that he is probably concerned because Pesach always brings these issues to the forefront and that was only 7 weeks ago. I explained that the Shavout food was acceptable by the community standard and that our guests would eat the food if they liked the taste. For the main course I am serving Moroccan fish with chickpeas, borekas, cheese spirals, rice with lentils and yogurt, and a spinach salad.

Fast forward 6 hours and I find him taking rubber bands and "locking" up all the meat cabinets. As a Sephardi lady, I do not count the omer. But, the boys have been counting the omer every night and are making that connection between Pesach and Shavout in a very concrete way. Last night as my husband was setting up havdalah, I mentioned how strange that the china only gets used for only one Chag, Rosh Hashana (plus all Shabbats, but that is not Chag). On Yom Kippur we don't eat. On Sukkot my husband insists on disposables. On Pesach we use Pesach dishes, and on Shavout we use our weekday dishes, which are thankfully very beautiful. I guess our son took the idea of putting away the meat "literally" and out of nowhere, he started locking up what we weren't using. We don't serve any meat meals because it just becomes a nightmare in the kitchen. Perhaps next year I will need to correct the perception that the meat needs locked up and will serve one meat meal, despite the challenge.

I always find the conclusions that little kids draw from the information they have received fascinating. Please share your stories!

Chanukah Gelt

I'm not sure how widespread the practice of giving Chanukah Gelt (cash gifts) to Rebbes is. The first time I heard about the custom was a number of years ago when I was a frequent guest of a family in a large community which a very wealthy block of families. These families were known to give very, very sizable gifts to their children's Rebbes on Chanukah. The discussion left me wondering about the practice.

This week, I caught this letter in the Yated, which brings forward numerous issues. Here is the letter below:

CHANUKAH GIFTS FOR REBBI AND MORAH
Dear Editor,
My husband and I have always felt that Chanukah is a great time to show our appreciation to our children’s teachers. How much is given and what is given are dependent on one’s financial situation. This year, we were not able to give as much as in past years.

When my daughter gave her teacher the envelope with the Chanukah gift, the teacher got up in class and told the students that this is the appropriate way for parents to show hakoras hatov to teachers. The comment rubbed me the wrong way completely. It made me think that there may be kids in the class whose parents contributed to the PTA gift, but could not afford to give more.

Why do teachers think it is their right and that we as parents are expected to give them gifts? As I recall, last year, the Yated printed letters going back and forth about it. The bottom line is that I don’t expect my boss to give me a gift when I make him/save him money, because that is what he hired me for. And if he does give me a gift, I have to show him my appreciation. The same applies here. We contract the teachers through the schools to give our children an education. The fact is that rabbeim’s and teachers’ salaries often don’t cover their expenses and they do deserve to earn more money. But parents do not owe them gifts and it is important for teachers to realize that.

Thank you.

I Tip When I Can

I like to write about "Orthonomic" issues that affect the lives of various sectors. Admittedly, Chanukah Gelt is not something we currently deal with. But, the public way that gifts are given from student to teacher directly strikes me as inappropriate (the letter writer was rubbed the wrong way by the teacher's comment. The teacher's comment does appear to be tasteless, but presenting a gift in class doesn't seem to classy either).

In the past, I have written about my distaste for involving children as the middle men when schools and/or teachers solicit additional money for a party or project. Here too I feel a similar distaste. I can only imagine that involving one's children in giving gifts to teachers in front of their peers makes for uncomfortable moments for other students (especially students who aren't presenting a gift, or are only presenting something "unrespectable"), as well as for the student presenting the gifts. G-d knows that we don't need to add to the material competition that many children, as well as adults, experience.

And, I'm sure many teachers experience discomfort too when they receive gifts directly. A teacher who receives less than others may feel slighted. A teacher who receives a ridiculous sum of money from a certain parents is sure to feel pressure. Knowing what parents gave what can feel like "too much information."

Now, I am not criticizing the practice of giving gifts to teachers, although if parents have not cleared their obligations to the school vis a vis tuition, I believe there would be a problem. But, I don't like the idea of students presenting gifts in front of other students and teachers receiving gifts directly. I think gifts of this manner are best presented discretely, although I'm sure teachers don't open them in front of the class.

And, of course, as an accountant, I can't help myself but to wonder about the tax issues surrounding these "gifts," especially where they are very sizable, as is the case at my friends' school. Being no expert in this area of tax law, I'll let the more experienced chime in.

Your comments?

Overheard in the Sukkah

Don't worry, I'm really going to be back to blog about subjects of substance (tuition, homemaking, etc, etc, etc). But, in the meantime, I thought I would share the strangest thing said in our sukkah to date.

Shortly following a dvar Torah about the arba minim and different types of Jew, my son screams out (and I quote): "Jews come in every color. . . .There are even white Jews!"

Let's just say that we were left laughing for the next hour and still have no clue what he was talking about. Somehow, I'm guessing it had nothing to do with race.

And speaking of race, not long ago a black technician visited our home. After observing him working, the same child comes up to me and announces that the technician is not Jewish. My heart skipped a beat since I have heard other kids who aren't much older (as well as their parents) speak about non-Jews in a way that we will not tolerate. So, I asked him why he reached such a conclusion. He looks at me and says, "Mommy, he isn't wearing a kippa." Wow, that simple, albeit an erroneous way of determining if a person is a member of the tribe. Later, we decided it would be fun to go to the park. So, he asks me to invite the technician to come with us.

What is the strangest thing your kids (nieces or nephews) have said or done in the sukkah?

Approaching Shabbat Calmly

I have discovered an incredible blog written by a mother of a large family who shares her fantastic ideas complete with pictures (many of them mouthwatering-yum!). As a "mom in training," I'm enjoying myself as I take a look, try to take in some of her wisdom, and find ideas that I could adopt as my own.

In this post, "Adventures of a Supermom," Juggling Frogs writes a little story about dealing with the frustration and chaos before Shabbat by taking getting a bit of fresh air and refocusing.

The adrenaline rush before Shabbat plays out differently in every family. Just as some athletes perform well under pressure, I am convinced that families use the adrenaline rush before Shabbat to their benefit. They experience a "high" and keep fighting. And when the game is over they feel satisfied and exhilarated.

But other athletes crumble under the pressure. They get a lump in their throat and start to choke up. They feel frustrated and can't seem to find their pace. Despite their talents, they just can't find their groove amidst the adrenaline rush. I've been in some homes where the looming deadline causes tempers to heat and the kids suffer the consequences. I can't imagine that the pressure is good chinuch.

This athlete who falls into the second category must take a different approach to the competition. He or she must learn to control the adrenaline because anything else is disastrous.

Not too far into our marriage, I discovered that our "team" fell into the second category. I think I was a bit surprised because when I was single and I hosted others for Shabbat I worked well under pressure. Not so married. And certainly not so with children.

Since this discovery, I started to play with different ideas to find the right pace so that stepping into Shabbat/Yom Tov is a pleasant experience, and one that leaves me with enough left to actually enjoy the day.

Here is what works for me and help me keep my sanity:

1. My dishwasher: As I cook, I throw in the things that need washed. As soon as I have a full or almost full load, I get the dishwasher started. I tend to take out things and stick in other things as needed. But an almost empty sink helps me feel less overwhelmed.

2. Keeping with a schedule: I try to do my inviting on Monday, my menu planning on Tuesday, my shopping on Wednesday, and the bulk of my preparations on Thursday, and my baking on Friday. Whatever I do on Friday, I try to include my kids since they relate to Shabbat when they help with anticipation. Adrenaline hasn't got the best of them yet.

3. My freezer: I keep a supply of frozen soups in the freezer and frozen challot. If I'm feeling crunched for time, I raid my supply and replenish another time.

4. Cleaning and Delegation: I try to keep up with my cleaning during the week and avoid getting into a major cleaning project on Friday. I can't take dirty messes, but have learned to put up with unfinished, but neat, piles of work like laundry, papers waiting to be filed, etc.

I try not to involve myself in a major cleaning project on Friday even if I have the time with the exception of cleaning up unexpected dirty messes. For me, cleaning is contagious. So, it is better to bite off cleaning is spurts during the week than try to pile it on before Shabbat.

I've also learned to delegate the last minute toy cleanup to my husband and kids, as well as bathtime. He also helps the kids get dressed and I stopped putting them in Shabbat clothing on Friday night. Pajamas it is.

5. Shabbat Seudot: Over the years, I've tried to do away with the fear that we will not have enough food and make what we will need and enjoy. My basic Shabbat dinner is usually made up of three courses: soup, the main course, and dessert. For Yom Tov I usually add in a fish course. Otherwise we eat our fish on Shabbat at seudah shlishit.

What I like about soup is that it is easy to make in bulk and it freezes well (with some minor exceptions). I enjoy all types of soups and this adds the variety that I seek. The chopping can be time consuming, but I can usually get 2 meals worth in one batch.

My main course normally includes three main entrees: a meat or chicken dish, a starch, and a vegetable dish. I try to limit my efforts to two of three of the dishes. If I am spending time making meatballs and the vegetable dish, I will just make steamed rice or couscous If I am spending time making a fancier rice, I might just steam vegetables for a side dish.

Dessert is normally just fresh fruit or a mix of frozen fruits. If I'm having a bigger crowd I might make a dessert. If it is just us, I usually avoid it because I don't really want the leftovers around.
Lunch I approach with flexibility. Many of the foods I serve on Friday night can also be served at room temperature again on Saturday. So we often eat smaller portions of the dinner menu on Saturday. If I'm having guests I might add a cholent or soup from the crock pot, or a nice salad or two. But, we tend to host on Friday night, so more often than not, we just see a repeat of everything that can be heated on a blech or served cold or at room temperature.

If I am feeling sick during the week, or I just have too much to do, I pull out a one dish meal. My favorite is a Moroccan Chicken stew with a side of couscous. It can be served hot or cold. I call this a wonder food! I once saw a letter decrying households that do not prepare a proper Shabbat meal. The writer theorized that parents who do this are hurting their children's religious development by not treating Shabbat with the proper kavod. I can guarantee you that my family would be far worse off if I tried to pull out all the stops every week.

I learn so much from my readers. So please share your tips for entering Shabbat calmly. I love to hear them. Chances are I will find something I can adopt now or later.

Post-Pesach Tidbits (Some Should have been Pre-Pesach, Oh Well)

This Pesach's experiences will prompt a number of the next few posts. But in the meantime I thought I would add a few random things on my mind before getting back on the blogging block too soon.

First off, while I was computer free, AlazLaz tagged me to find out what Haggadah we use. While we have a growing number of Haggadot on our shelves with commentaries, all of which are fantastic resources, a simple Pesach Haggadah serves us best at the Seder. There is a particularly enjoyable Haggadah that we enjoy using, compiled by Rabbi Marc Angel of the Spanish Porteguese Synagogue Shearith Israel, complete with various commentaries from Sephardi Chachamin, past and present and a complilation of various minhagim. The index also has a very brief biography on each of the commentators which is easy to reference and is in and of itself a fantastic feature.

The highlight of this Haggadah is the inclusion of key Ladino translations and songs including Quen Supiese, a Ladino version of Mi Echad Yodea, and Un Cavritico (One Kid/Had Gadya). What we discovered when we ordered this Haggadah is that there is more than one Ladino version to each of these songs. While extremely similiar, there are some differences. And that is what an Oral Messorah is for. Fascinating! And Pesach is filled with oral family mesorahs that are so numerous and so interesting and often myterious. This Haggadah is really is a great edition to any library (and no, I'm not being paid to say that). What is does lack is a Ladino translation of the Four Questions. Next year, iy"h, I will insert this into the Haggadah.

Some of the notable differences in the seder are 1) Only two berachot over cups of wine are made, keeping in mind the 2nd and 4th cup 2) Mah Nishtana follows the order of the Gemorah and the 3rd Question (afilu pa'am achat) is asked first, 3) Kos Eliyahu and hiding the Afikomen were adopted from the Ashkenaz tradition while not originally Sephardi customs, and 4) Men and Women all lean which is not a universal practice in Ashkenazi circles. I will stop at four for now. Gives me more to blog abour next year and four is just an appropriate Pesach number.

Onto other tidbits:

--> The Four Questions: I was a big nervous that my pre-schooler would get stage fright and be unable to "perform" the four questions which he had been working on quite intently (Last year at not quite yet 2 he did one Mah Nishtanah and one question with a bit of help) .

Despite the fact my MIL/FIL never sent their children to 2-year old or 3-year old nursery (formerly known as day care), they have become big believers so to speak as my SIL/BIL set the stage. As the younger sibling, my husband and I receive rather large clues that we aren't doing things right and we are going to put our children behind academically through these choices.

While I should just ignore all of this since I'm armed with my own facts and my kids are performing remarkably well for only have me as a teacher, I still put pressure on myself to perform. So when my almost 3-year old son stood up and performed the 4 questions flawlessly in beautifully accented Ivrit. I burst into tears.

Incidently, the younger cousin in nursery didn't even attempt a question. I've got to stop pressuring me. Fortunately, I'm not pressuring my own kids. This boy is probably as driven as they come and he takes to everything like a sponge. I should have recorded him singing on the Purim Podcast. He could have sung nearly any song from Eishet Chayil to Chag Purim to Shalom Aleichem.

--> Berachot: One little issue, after learning the beracha "al achilat matzah" he nows says "al achilat yadayim." I think we can straighten that out soon.

--> Confusing Environments and New Rules: While I can't complain about not having to clean and kasher my own home for Pesach as we joined my husband's family for the festivities, I don't believe it is easy to go away either. Taking little children (and some adults too) out of their environment for 2 weeks (extended trip) isn't easy by any means. It isn't just the living out of a suitcase, bouncing from place to place, and throwing off any semblance of a schedule that is difficult. It is all of the other things that happen (or don't happen) when you outside of your environment. Probably the biggest difficulty when traveling with small and curious children is that the new environment has not been tuned to their impulses and neither have the hosts. To make a long megillah short, I'm not sure that there was a place untouched despite very vigilant parents (that's us). Now our family host has her own children, but it appears they not one has been a tenth as mechanically inclined, athletic, etc as ours. If so, the house, set up, etc would have been completely different. And because of the bad weather, my son did not see a ball for the entire trip (is that a form of child neglect?).

--> Diet: Another difficulty is diet when outside of your home, and not just the Pesach diet! In our home regular Shabbat seudot include vegetable based soups, a little bit of poultry or meat, a variety of vegetables and/or salads, and a starch. More often than not, dessert is fresh fruit with a cookie. Our hosts are the opposite: heavy on meat/poultry/gefilte fish, extremely light on veggies which usually appear in the form of a kugel or in the form of a garnish if and when they appear, and heavy on potato starch/matza meal prepared desserts. Lunches and snacks are matza and cheese, matza brie, and matza rolls: not a fruit in sight, but thank G-d for the overpriced Pesach yogurt. And the biggest killer of all: Coca Cola served at every meal. There is a reason I don't bring sodas into our home. I spent the week after Pesach weaning my son off the Coca Cola. Now that we are home it is cold turkey because we have none here (baruch Hashem). The stuff is a drug, yet present at every meal, every kiddush, etc. Now I'm no health food fanatic, but putting Coca-Cola out at every meal? I can't think of a worse idea.

--> Needing Explicit Instructions: Lastly, I like to help wherever I go and I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that I want to be told what to do! As a guest in a kitchen that is not my own and that I did not grow up in I need explicit instructions, especially on Pesach, when a kashrut messup could be devestating (even if it really isn't a problem, but I digress-I ranted about women's learning in my last post).

Unless a host family is super organized and has all utensils clearly labelled, all chometz utensils locked away (and I do mean locked because small children and even sitting babies can easily pull tape off cabinets if you blink an eye), and clearly written receipes, helping in the kitchen is not a "do it yourself" project. I can't walk into a kitchen and just know which utensils are milk, meat, and parve if they are not clearly labelled. I also do NOT know how so-in-so family member's Bubbe or Savta made their chicken soup. So, if you don't have the secrets clearly recorded, I really can't help you.

It isn't fair to grumble about lack of help if you don't create an environment that is safe to help in. Baruch Hashem this year things were more spacious and I was able to help much more. So while this issue is one of the past, I just figured I would put it out there.

Next Up: When a couple blows a simcha in the eyes of one set of parents?

Shabbat Guests

Rabbi Horowitz responded this week to an inquiry about having Shabbos guests where the spouses are not in agreement. The guidelines he provided are applicable in many areas of life. But, the subject gave rise to some of our thoughts on Shabbat, guests, and family time. Baruch Hashem, this is not a subject of contention in our home, but we maintain flexibility in our approach, as our grows and family changes.

In general, we prefer to have single guests (singles, divorced, and widowed), but also enjoy having married couples on occasion. Having families with younger children tends to be a bit more challenging, but can be fun on occasion. Since we both enjoyed the hospitality that others provided us when we were single, we feel that hosting those who wouldn't have family to eat with is the best way to repay the kindness shown to us.

Sitting down for family meals is a great way to bond with each other and create proper "attachments," and Shabbat is the one time when those dinners go almost completely uninterrupted by design: no phone (although I'm thinking about turning off the ringer during weekday dinnertimes when our children are older), no appointments, no chores that have to be continued from the day. Fortunately I am home fulltime and our kids are young enough that they don't have activities or schooling that conflict with regular family dinners or with Sundays. I can only imagine just what a pleasure Shabbat meals are for families that do not enjoy regular meals together.

But even given our blessed schedule, I have still found that Shabbat is an important and unique time to bond at the table and, although we love hachnasat orchim, we have settled into a pattern of normally limiting ourselves to guests just on Friday night-although we happily make exceptions.

We have found that hosting for lunch is a bit more difficult for us. Primarily, there is more shopping and more cooking, all of which ties me down during the week. Secondarily, when the weather is beautiful, it becomes really hard to pull the kids away from the park to make it home in time get everything together in time greet our guests. When we don't have anyone expecting us home, we can be flexible about our schedules and enjoy more time letting the kids play, socialize, or whatever else. Thirdly, if lunch goes on too long, we miss out on a small window of uninterrupted time to do things that interest the kids, whether it be legos/megablocks, reading, or games. Also, one of my kids has a lot to say at the table, but gets shy when other non-family members are around. So, if we want to hear about groups, the parsha, or the songs he wants to sing, it is better done without an audience. (Baruch Hashem he loves our guests and even talks about a few of them regularly and asks if he can set up their place next to Daddy-hello to one of you :) ). And, lastly, my culinary strength is in the dinner meal.

When I was single, I had a friend with a rapidly growing family who used to tell me about her plan of attack for preparing Shabbat (something she had gleaned from a book and adopted). She would start on Monday and finish on Friday, preparing and freezing or refrigerating along the way. I thought she absolutely nuts! That was until our family grew and I discovered that trying to pull off a whole meal, from the shopping to the cooking, on Friday (even on Thursday and Friday) was going to make me absolutely nuts! So a pattern was born that serves us well. An entire week's meals are planned in advance, shopping takes place at the beginning of the week, and cooking for Shabbat takes place in stages, just as the cleaning schedule rotates. Friday is basically a relaxing day where we put together one or two small dishes just so my little helper can connect Shabbat with the preparations, but not connect Shabbat to the stress and mayhem that goes on in a lot of households.

While there are people out there that will criticize mothers who don't make Shabbat a Shabbat by doing the unthinkable and serving pasta, when a family member has spent the sick during the week or the week was just too busy week, I have been known to serve spaghetti with meat sauce, or something else that lacks the kavod we prefer to accord Shabbat. Our guests may never see spaghetti with meat sauce in front of them, but we have at least one regular guest who would probably prefer this meal over any other.

I try to remember our guest’s culinary preferences, but don't always succeed (maybe I need to maintain another list). We have our "meat and potato" guys who need potato something or other. We have our non-fish eaters, only tuna eaters, and our not too fishy eaters. We have our vegetarians. We have our guests with allergies to nuts, wheat, eggs, and spinach, and nearly everything else under the sun. Then there are the times when the meal is already cooked and a guest ends up needing a place after all is cooked and completed, and they aren’t too fond of whatever I have made, or worse yet, won't even eat it. We had one meal where the hospitality committee failed to warn us that the guests they asked us to host kept chalav yisrael and it is Shavuot! Fortunately, our guests were able to eat something.

While we have had a few difficult guests, for the most part having company is really our pleasure. We try not to invite guests that are going to clash at the table, but have had our fair share of uncomfortable instances. We usually invite only guests of one gender, but would be willing to venture out into mixed gender groups if we knew the guests would be comfortable with the prospect and that last minute cancellations wouldn't leave us on a "double date" with a guy and a girl who would prefer not to be on such. In addition, we have one guest that we will NEVER invite with a person of the opposite gender because he is liable to ask her out (even if she is 25 years younger, but that my friends is a post for another time).

Our special pleasure is celebrating smachot with a number of regular guests, and we have been fortunate to do so on a regular basis. In fact, we are currently looking forward to a very special simcha.

Guests bring a whole new dimension to the table that we don't want to miss and don't want our children to miss now, and especially in the future. We have been blessed to have survivors, Rebbeim, and other wonderful people at our table, all of whom bring their own unique perspectives, experiences, and divrei Torah to our table. When we have guests there is also a level of simcha that manifests itself in song that we cannot reproduce without guests.

We get a lot of pleasure out of both arrangements, guests and no guests, and continue to find our balance. I often wonder how certain families that are known for hosting lots and lots of guests regularly do it. But, I also wonder if some families who rarely if ever have guests get lonely. I can't imagine Shabbat without at least one guest, preferable two to three. And, I sometimes wonder if the shana rishona couples who specifically don't invite-a shita we never adhered too, despite the strong recommendation to do so-ever itch for a change of pace that guests inevitably bring.

Since we have great pleasure in both types of ways to spend Shabbat and see benefits to both, we have worked to find a balance that works for us. Hosting guests really comes with a whole myriad of dynamics that probably have never occurred to those who don’t make hosting a regular activity. We have learned through trail and error. I hope the couple in Rabbi Horowitz’s column works out a balance that is appropriate for their family.

Your thoughts?

BIG Mazal Tov and some Fun Chanukah Things

I want to take this time to wish all of my friends and readers a Chanukah Sameach and a Shabbat Shalom. Please keep reading and discussing. A great readership really helps the writer behind the computer screen.

And, I am honored to wish a big Mazal Tov to Rabbi Yakov and Udi Horowitz, on the upcoming marriage of their daughter Faigy to Dovid Meir Loeb on week from this Sunday. Rabbi Horowitz's articles and parenting column are excellent and well worth the time. May Faigy and Dovid Meir build a bayit ne'eman b'yisrael. What a lucky couple to have such parents to look to when their time to parent comes.

I've tried to make it a point to post some interesting Sephardi tidbit before each Yom Tov. So, in continuing with this tradition, I thought I would post a cute little Ladino Chanukah Song, "Ocho Kandelikas," which I was teaching one of my children this week, and a recipe for the food mentioned in the song.

The song can be heard in full here. (A word of warning for those who don't listen to kol isha on recordings, this recording includes kol isha. Sorry.)

Lyrics:
Hanukah linda sta aki, ocho kandelas para mi, Hanukah Linda sta aki, ocho kandelas para mi. O...
(Beautiful Chanukah is here, eight candles for me. )

Refrain: Una kandelika, dos kandelikas, tres kandelikas, kuatro kandelikas, sintyu kandelikas, sej kandelikas, siete kandelikas, ocho kandelas para mi.
(One candle, two candles, . . . . eight candles for me)

Muchas fiestas vo fazer, con alegrias i plazer. Muchas fiestas vo fazer, con alegrias i plazer. O...
(Many parties will be held, with happiness and pleasure)

Repeat Refrain.

Los pastelikos vo kumer, con almendrikas i la myel. Los pastelikos vo kumer, con almendrikas i la myel. O... (We will eat pastelikos [see below] with almonds and honey).

Repeat Refrain.

Bimuelos recipe

The following is a Sephardi pastry recipe for Chanukah. It is essentially a doughnut, but instead of putting jelly inside, it is dipped into a sweet syrup or warm honey. They can be made in advance, stored in an airtight container. But, if you make it in advance, warm the syrup for dipping in when you serve. (Since we are serving these for Shabbat Chanukah, I will be keeping the syrup warm on the blech for dipping at dessert time and may even warm the pastries up for a brief time).

• 1 package or 2.5 teaspoons active dry yeast
• 2 cups warm water
• 1 teaspoon sugar or honey
• 2.5 cups flour
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• Vegetable oil for deep-frying
• 1 recipe of sugar syrup cooled

1. Dissolve yeast in 1/4 cup of water. Stir in sugar or honey and let stand 5-10 minutes until foamy.
2. Combine flour and salt in a large bowl and make a well in the center. Pour yeast mixture and remaining water into the well and stir until dough is smooth. Cover and let rise at room temperature until it doubles, approximately 1.5 hours. Stir again.
3. Heat 2 inches of oil of a medium heat to 375 degrees.
4. Dip spoon in cold water to drop doubt into hot oil. Deep-fry until golden brow on all sides. Drain on paper towels.
5. Dip warm doughnuts into cooled syrup. If you prefer, you can dust with confectionery sugar (or see above for Shabbat method).

Sugar Syrup

Combine 2 cups of sugar (or 1 cup of sugar and 1 cup of honey) with 1 cup of water and 2 teaspoons of lemon juice. Bring to a boil, stirring frequently. Reduce heat to simmer and simmer without stirring until a syrup forms. Cool in the refrigerator. You can add a 1/2 teaspoon of ground cinnamon, a tablespoon of orange zest, or even a tablespoon or rose water or other fragrant water.

And a Halachic Concept

Rabbi Mansour answers the question, "Chanukah- When Your Neighbor Does Not Have Enough Money To Buy Oil To Light The Menorah," what the halacha is when your neighbor does not have the money to buy enough oil to light the minimum, while you have only enough money to fulfill lighting all of the candles (a hiddur, as we are only required on light on each night as a minimum). The answer in short is that the neighbor with money for all of the lights, but no more than that, sacrifices his hiddur so his neighbor can fulfill the mitzvah of lighting too.

Rabbi Mansour states: "Although this Halacha may not have direct, practical relevance nowadays, the underlying principle is an important one: a person should be prepared to help others perform Mitzvot at the minimum level, even at the expense of his own performance at the highest standard."

This principal hopefully will serve as a nice lead in to a future topic. (!) Stay tuned. . .and Happy Chanukah.

Guarding The Lulav

This morning when my husband returned from the Shachrit of Hoshanah Rabbah, I breathed a sigh of relief. With a small home and a toddler in that home, we have been standing guard over the arba minim like hawks all week, ensuring that only those who are authorized to shake the lulav (that wouldn't include me) actually handle the lulav.

Unfortunately, we don't have any safe place to keep this prized possession, and it cost more than a set of our china. Our very curious toddler has been eyeing the arba minim set ever since it was picked up. And, he has been trying to sneak a shake of his own.

So, when my husband came home from the Beit Knesset and we told him it was finally his turn, the simcha was tangible. So, what happened next? He asked Mommy if he could get a red lulav of his own, or maybe a black lulav. I've never considered buying a chinuch set. But, I imagine that if we left the arba minim outside until next year, he might be able to have a black set of his own.

Chag Sameach.

Mentschlekeit in the Sukkah

My family and I were just sitting down in a restaurant sukkah to enjoy a seudah in honor of the chag when we were joined by a group of young boys, probably between the ages of ten and thirteen, who were traveling from "in town," through "out of town" on a Chol HaMoed trip.

I was a bit nervous. We had already paid for our meals. We were seated. And, we were really looking forward to enjoying a seudah in the sukkah to celebrate the chag, when a sizable group of boys whose fathers were inside ordering entered the sukkah.

Sadly enough, we've become so accustomed to less than acceptable behavior that we expected the worst, or something like that. We were gearing up for what looked like it might become a less than pleasant experience. But, the food was on the way, so there was no turning back at this point.

But, we were very pleasantly surprised!

Not only were these boys quiet and well-behaved in the sukkah, enjoying their meal and making conversation amongst themselves and their fathers who came later. But, their mentschleikeit went above and beyond what might be expected of pre-teen boys.

Shortly after the boys had joined us in the table (their fathers were still inside at this point), the wife of an older couple we know walked in the sukkah. The "in-town" and "out-of-town" crowds couldn't have looked more different. The pre-teen boys were all in black and white. Some had a few light pinstripes on their shirts, certainly nothing loud. The wife wore short sleeves and had her hair uncovered. We were holding the "middle ground:" suede kippah, hair covered with a hat, and colorful plaid shirts for the boys.

As soon our friend, the "wife" entered, the boys got up, offered her a chair, and then carried the chair over for her to sit on. And, when her husband entered the sukkah carrying the food, they brought him another chair from their table.

It was so heartwarming to see (completely unprompted) chivalrous and polite behavior from such young boys. I'm sure that their parents have a lot of nachas from them. And, G-d willing, we will all instill such mentschleikeit into our own children.

And, next time we are joined by a group of young boys, I will just try and relax and expect only the best. Why should we expect less anyways?

Interesting Halacha for Sephardi Ladies:
Beracha Leshev BaSukkah

Here is a link to an interesting halacha regarding Sephardi Ladies and answering Amen to the beracha leshev basukkah which follows boreh pri hagefen and can cause a hefsek for those who are not obligated in this particular beracha.

While the Rav recommends explaining this halacha to your wife slowly, so they may understand, I just finished explaining it to my husband and it seems logical to me. But, maybe when a man comes to me in shul begging me to to take his lulav and etrog into the sukkah to make a beracha lest I miss out on such an important mitvzah (happens every year), I will slowly explain to him that not only do Sephardi women NOT say a beracha on lulav and etrog (fairly common knowledge, I assume), but we also do not answer Amen to the beracha of leshev basukkah. . . unless we already made our own kiddush and therefore do not need to hear kiddush and have no issue of making a hefsek.

A Yom Kippur Lesson from my Toddler

(Other bloggers are much, much better at taking everyday activities and deriving spiritual lessons, so please excuse my first attempt).

Recently, we had to discipline our toddler. The event that called for serious discipline couldn't have come at a worse time. After loading the dishwasher and tidying up, I was steps from the door, headed to a much awaited pre-Yom Kippur shiur. But, often, we parents have to put our own plans aside for the good of our children. And, this was one of those moments. Sadly, the pre-Yom Kippur shiur will have to wait until next year.

After the regular routine of walking our son back into his room each time he left it, he finally calmed down. My husband went into his room to give follow-up the discipline and told him that he needed to apologize to Mommy before he could continue with the regular bedtime routine.

At first he whispered "I'm" and stopped short. We snuggled him, held his hand, and gave him small kisses as we encouraged him to speak a little louder. But, he just couldn't, even though we could see how much he wanted to. Finally, after a short time, I fed the words one by one into his mouth and he softly whispered them back, averting his eyes much of the time.

To me, asking for mechila is a similar exercise. The desire is there, the incentive is there, but the words just will not leave the mouth, even when you know that the person from whom you are asking will only return your request with love.

On that note: please forgive me for any unkind words. And, to my very best friends who read my blog and know the personality behind the name. I love you very much and hope you will grant me mechila.

May everyone have an easy fast and may we all be sealed in the book of life.