Production: The Ikur or the Tofel?

Enough with Pesach Money saving tips for now. It is time for a little cultural commentary.

[I ask any readers to please make this a discussion of ideas. In other words, no naming names of the school or any staff in the comments should you be familiar].

A reader sent me a letter that went home with middle-school aged girls (from what I believe is a centrist girls school) regarding Production practice schedule that left me stunned. After months and months of "rehearsing, carpools, late nights, and dance practices," the school capped off the lead up to Production with a full week of full day rehearsals for pre-bat mitzvah aged girls! The reader finds the incredible emphasis on Production at the expense of both Torah studies and general education "mindboggling" and wonders where are the priorities, as well as where is the respect for parents who can't simply change their schedules at a whim?

I couldn't agree with my reader's concerns more. As parents of (modern to centrist) day school/yeshiva students, I believe we are primarily looking for a strong education (Torah and general) within a Torah environment, and secondarily we are seeking some low-key experiences within the school environment that will help provide a well-rounded educational experience. A well-rounded experience certainly is not defined as a singular emphasis on a single area for the pre-adolescent set.

Those that kept up with the "Tiger Mom" and the surrounding debate might now easily understand just why such a parent, might categorically reject school plays. . . or in this case PRODUCTIONS. My (public) high school had some self-selected drama-geeks who spent inordinate hours on choir and musicals, some even making a name in the field. But I simply fail to see the benefit of a majority of a student body made up of 11 and 12 year olds (frum or not) putting these type of hours into a single production. For frum students, it is even more puzzling since Broadway or Bust isn't our motto. A little of this and a little of that within the confines of school would suffice for most parents I'm certain. And if a child were particularly driven in an area of their choosing, we can work with that.

So, fellow parents (and educators): Do you think that PRODUCTION has become too much of a production in Girls Schools? Leave your comments. Maybe someone will hear them.

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Just in case you need a definition of full week, full day practices, read the following. And, wow, as a parent I can't think of any more difficult hour of the day than 7PM! The last thing I want to be doing at that hour is getting in the car (with kids no doubt, since what husband is home reliably home in order to make a 7PM sharp pickup?). Talk about a way to throw everyone's schedule off-kilter!

Please note that in order to complete their rehearsals for their upcoming production of [edited], the 6th graders will [meet in a different location. . . ] Monday-Thursday [deleted]. On Monday they will daven at home and arrive at 10, bringing lunch, drinks and snacks. On Tuesday-Thursday, they will come at 8:15 AM for Tefila, followed by two Torah classes, followed by rehearsals ending at 7:00 PM all 4 days.

· Regretfully, all students will need to carpool both ways. The school districts will not provide transportation to an alternate site.

· Tuesday-Thursday, the day will begin with davening at 8:15 AM. [. . . ] Our teachers will supervise davening and then teach 2 regular Torah Studies classes from 8:55-10:20 AM, after which play practice will begin. [. . . ]

· All parents need to make carpool arrangements to pick up their daughters at 7:00 PM on Monday-Wednesday.Please be prompt.

· Students should bring the appropriate text, notebook, and, of course, a pen, for their Torah classes [. . . ].

· The students will be at the practice site for many hours. Although faculty will be there at all times (till 4:30 p.m.), the teachers will not conduct formal classes after 10:30 am, but be available for extra help, clarification or test preparation when students are not rehearsing. Please encourage your daughter to take advantage of the presence of her general studies teachers by preparing a list of topics that need clarification, or decide to engage their teachers in meaningful conversation. [Omitted: rules on I-pods and cell phones].

Destructive to Wealth: Confused as to Your Money Starts and Ends

A "very wealthy" Chassidish man writes to Dr. Yael Respler of the Jewish Press seeking her advice on a dilemma which is apparently quite common, was previously unknown to me (Dr. Respler sees this issue in her own practice amongst Chassidic clientele). I have no idea what standard is being used to measure "very wealthy" (income? savings? property? a healthy combination of all of the above?), but this man and his wealthy friends find themselves paying for their siblings' weddings, from the wedding itself to the accompanying jewelry/shtreimels and setup of the home, as well as providing "bailouts" and what have you.

In the name of kibud av v'em, this man and his wife and others are at a loss as to what to do except to publicize the isue. They recognize the situation is "outrageous" but feel powerless.

Dr. Respler labels the behavior as "narcissistic" and isn't exactly sure what causes such behavior, the heter being that others find it acceptable.

I'd like to come from a different angle inspired by both Pirkei Avot ("What is yours is mine, and what is mine is mine" is [the characteristic of a] rasha) and an interesting discussion in The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America's Wealthy and other financial books I have read. Interestingly enough, those who do better financially and build wealth do not co-mingle their own means with the means of others, namely family. They do not place their own parents (or in in this case, child's) wealth as an asset on their mental balance sheet. They know where their means start and end and don't allow the means of others to play into their own calculations regarding lifestyle and spending. Doing such is a destructive to wealth, to say nothing of the midda demonstrated. I think the situation of the letter writer is indicative this idea.

Dr. Respler suggests potentially bringing in a Rav who can explain what responsibilities belong with whom. I don't know what polite solution exists in circles where funds are co-mingled on mental balance sheets and bills can simply be sent to a child, parent, or grandparent, and uttering a word might be considered an affront. Nor can anyone say what position a Rav would take given that "some of the expenses that you mentioned are actually expected in a shidduch, and it is a big mitzvah for you to help your parents cover the cost of making a wedding for your siblings (hachnassas kallah). " My own option is that providing such funds only continues to enable the parents, who are caught between their own bad habits and the bad habits ingrained in the mores of the kehilla.

I do know that all individuals/couples/family units are well served by establishing boundaries, financial and otherwise, with family. Hopefully writing a letter to the Jewish Press will solve the issue for this chassidish couple, but chances are the only solution that can even begin to resolve such a situation (the immediate result could include some unpleasant fallout) will include a face-to-face sit down where firm boundaries and limits are established.

Rav Henkin on Family Planning

Hat Tip: A reader (thank you!)

Hirhurim has an informative post, written by R. Ari Enkin, summarizing the positions of Rav Y.H. Henkin on family planning. Footnotes include the views of other known poskim. Some commentors, scholars in their own right, have criticized the post, because it features a "lenient" position of one Rav and readers might misconstrue such a position as a psak for them.

I am not a scholar, nor do I play one in cyberspace. I am just an Orthodox woman who is perhaps coming from another angle. So, please allow me to speak. I believe the predominant school of thought that receives play in the Orthodox world is the view that family planning, birth control, etc is simply assur except under exceptional circumstances. Many women, even women married for more than a few minutes, do not know that their own local Rav/Rosh Yeshiva/Rosh Kollel not only allows, but sometimes even encourages, couples to space children/use birth control/etc. If they find out that Rabbi X gave a heter (for lack of a more suitable term), even for rather exceptional circumstances, they will express their surprise. I believe that there are many women who would be well served by understanding that the Torah approach to p'ru u'revu is not cut and dry, just as many other areas of halacha are not cut and dry.

Personally, I don't see the danger in laying out what issues might possibly constitute a reason for engaging in family planning in the free marketplace. Rav Schachter and other Rabbonim also do not fear laying out their ideas in the free marketplace. Listen to Rav Schachter on "being reasonable" regarding having children. As it stands now, many people "self-poskin." Sometimes they are afraid of asking a question, believing they will receive a "no" for an answer. Other times they are embarrassed that they are even entertaining the idea. Sometimes they just assume the answer is no, and engage in practices that are perhaps more problematic. I can only speak for myself, but understanding the parameters of halacha has not caused me to constantly lean to the left and always taken the lenient position. Rather, it has given me a basis for understanding when we should consult with the Rav and permission to not feel like a sinner for not having the capability to have "whatever Hashem gives." Just recently, I features a story about families turning to abortion. Such a story should, at the very least, give us pause regarding the appropriateness of allowing families to know what "lenient" positions exist in the halachic framework.

The view I have heard expressed more than any other regarding having children is that birth control is NEVER allowed for financial reasons. The footnotes in the article indicate that this may not be the case. Personally, I wish people would stop shouting this line from the rooftops. From the perspective of a person who writes about finances I think I can safely say that behind many financial issues is a larger shalom bayit issue.

I like the free marketplace of ideas and I comment Gil Student for publishing such a discussion on his blog, which is probably the premier Jewish blog.

Humor: Let's Hope this Good Habit Sticks Around

So tonight over dinner, our 4 year old announces he is saving up for a house. I suggested that maybe he set his sights on a condo as a first stop informing him that sometimes you have to start small and trade up and I reminded him our current home wasn't the first stop. He countered that he would much rather a house because "it's better," and he is saving 'a lot' of money. I smiled and told him it is great he is getting a head start and he should keep up the hard work. Now if only everyone could learn and/or retain this lesson! Here is hoping this kid does.

Signing off for now. Expect some new posts in the upcoming week.

Overheard in the Sukkah

Don't worry, I'm really going to be back to blog about subjects of substance (tuition, homemaking, etc, etc, etc). But, in the meantime, I thought I would share the strangest thing said in our sukkah to date.

Shortly following a dvar Torah about the arba minim and different types of Jew, my son screams out (and I quote): "Jews come in every color. . . .There are even white Jews!"

Let's just say that we were left laughing for the next hour and still have no clue what he was talking about. Somehow, I'm guessing it had nothing to do with race.

And speaking of race, not long ago a black technician visited our home. After observing him working, the same child comes up to me and announces that the technician is not Jewish. My heart skipped a beat since I have heard other kids who aren't much older (as well as their parents) speak about non-Jews in a way that we will not tolerate. So, I asked him why he reached such a conclusion. He looks at me and says, "Mommy, he isn't wearing a kippa." Wow, that simple, albeit an erroneous way of determining if a person is a member of the tribe. Later, we decided it would be fun to go to the park. So, he asks me to invite the technician to come with us.

What is the strangest thing your kids (nieces or nephews) have said or done in the sukkah?

I'll Just Keep Attending "Goyish" Concerts, Thank You Very Much

Seems every blog I turn to is discussing the most recent ban on Jewish Music Concerts. I've never been to a Jewish Music Concert and probably won't be attending one in the near or far future. So, what goes on (or does not go on) at a J-Music concert is beyond me. And, since I've never been to a rock, pop, or rap concert either, what goes on or does not go on is also beyond me (although I have much more of a clue since I have seen the Super Bowl halftimes--boring! Bring me a groovy marching band like Southern or Grambling, please).

Like the Indian Sheital ban, I'm on board for this ban too (by default only). As I get older, I seem to be unable to face the loud music. Unfortunately, I left every wedding this season with a larger than life headache. I can't imagine paying to get a headache, and then paying to get a bottle of advil, and then filling out the paperwork to get reimbursed from our FSA. When I was younger, I probably would have had a fun time attending a big mob scene concert if my parents would have allowed it.

But now that I'm older, I think I will have to stick with the tried and true "goyish" concerts I've been attending since elementary school: orchestras, symphonies, big band/jazz band, and military band concerts.

Admittedly, a good half of the concerts I attended without choice, i.e. I was performing. But, even today I love to catch a concert in the park. Unfortunately, the bedtime routine or the weather gets in the way of catching these small concerts and I miss them.

Of course, it has been made clear to me that my choice in music (Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, or Brahms) is "goyish," and therefore undesirable. But now it appears that the J-Music is also considered undesirable.

So for now I will just say. . . . . .I'll stick to my "goyish" concerts, thank you very much.

Eight Things Meme

I got tagged with the Eight Things Meme. Seems like I'm the last on board which is fine by me. I don't have to tag anyone. Since Memes are not part of the expected blogging material here at Orthonomics, I thought I'd tie this in to my blogging in general. Add your comments about you.

1. I wrote my first letter to the editor when I was in the 1st grade. It was my mother's idea: a thank you card. A men's service club built a little playground area in the local park and it was a bit hit. I spent a good part of my summer walking around the neighborhood collecting signatures from all of the kids for the thank you letter which was published in the letters to the editor section of our local newspaper.


2. I have attended a Chinese Auction. My neighbor asked me to accompany her and I tagged along. Watching Yeshiva educated, grown men, whooping and hollering over the winners like they were at a Monster Truck Rally, was far more disturbing than spending ridiculous amounts of time deliberating which box to put my tickets in, as if I was going to actually walk away with the set of silver that made me drool. I don't intend to ever go back.


3. I used to want a lot of children, as in more than 10. Since I've become certifiably Orthodox, the number of children that I desire continues to drop and I sometimes feel fairly guilty about it. I have to remind myself I can only have as many children as I can physically and mentally handle, and that number doesn't seem to be anywhere near 10 lately.


4. I have regular dreams. The most recent one involved one of our siblings building a tropical rain forest, complete with waterfalls, next to their dining room. Of course, everyone was ooohing and aahing the beautiful home renovations over the Shabbat meal. I too was enjoying the view until my mother-in-law turned to me and said, you should really consider doing something beautiful like this to your home. I was about to loose my temper. . . . and then I woke up.


5. I am the "spendthrift" in our house. My husband often needs convinced as to why we "need" certain things. In one of our more memorable convincing sessions, I had to convince him that we "needed" couches because I wanted to have something soft to sit on. He figured we had plenty of chairs for us and our guests and just couldn't see the need for another place to sit. Usually, these discussions are resolved when I remind him that as a homemaker, I spend far more time and home than he does and our home should be a pleasant place for me to raise our kids in (and sitting on hard chairs all day just isn't pleasant).


6. I practically run my own warehouse of non-perishable goods. I can't resist a bargain deal on things we use regularly. Lately I've been striking gold. I probably have 30-40 cans of canned tomato products in the 28 oz. size. I use no less than 2 a week it seems. I also have about 20 packages of diapers, and I'm heading out to get 3 more packages at rock bottom prices this week. After that, I probably will stop. I hope to have all children in diapers trained by the time I work through this huge supply. Instead, I will use our food budget to stock up on grape juice at the anticipated pre-Rosh Hashana sale. I'm down to 2 or 3 huge grape juices and I'm hoping the sale will be annouced before we are out. The lack of supply is making me nervous. At the anticipated $2.89, I will probably buy enough to get us through Pesach.


7. I don't think there is a countertop spice rack big enough to hold all of the spices I own (and use). I'd like to have them at arm's reach from the stove, but I'm thinking they will have to go in the pantry on an over the door organizer.


8. I dream of catering my own sons' bar mitzvah parties. I'm sure this would not go over well at all with my in-laws in the least. But I think the idea is fantastic. If I'm blogging when the day comes, I'll write up a post about the good, bad, and ugly of catering your own affair.

When your Family dislikes your ("Cheap") Simcha

At the risk of outing myself to the other side of my family (my in-laws), all of which I love dearly, I am going to write about a real and personal incident that happened over Pesach (1st days) which hurt us very much. My husband encouraged me to write about this incident because of the unique perspective that it brings to the discussion of simcha craziness, even though it violates some of my own blogging rules. I held off writing about this incident to calm down and gather my thoughts. But, at this point I might as well put pen and paper, or fingers to the keyboard as the case might be.

I know we have discussed various external pressures when it comes to making smachot. What will the neighbors think? What will the mechutanim say if we don't agree to do x, y, or z? Will my son or daughter be treated differently if we deviate from the "standard" Bar or Bat Mitzvah format that their classmates are following? Will my son/daughter feel badly if we put on a lesser wedding for him/her than the standard?

What I have not discussed in great detail up until this point is internal pressures from family in regards to smachot. But that time has come.

Approximately six months ago we were blessed with a beautiful and loving baby girl. Making a simcha for a girl is much less involved than making a brit milah and accompanying Shalom Zachar/Brit Yitzchak for a boy. But when it comes to the festivities for babies of each gender, I appreciate the manner in which each simcha is celebrated (at least in every community I've lived in). Not only is there normally an open invitation to all who want to partake in the celebration(s), but the simcha is one of modesty and simplicity as is appropriate as well as practical, for the time of birth carries with it its own stresses.

For our recent simcha, we decided to sponsor the seudah shlishit at our synagogue. I wanted to make the event there so that all would be welcome and feel welcome. And, my husband didn't want it in our home. He was having a enough difficulty holding down a the home in my extended absence and this was just easier. Being that it was a winter simcha, we decided not to keep the seudah shlishit simple and just sponsor it without changing the regular fare. After all, who wants more and more food an hour or two after they finished eating lunch? In the summer, one might be hungry by the time of seudah shlishit. In the winter months, one has to just fulfill this obligation because it is an obligation.

During lunch of the 1st day of Pesach, I believe the "incident" started when we were explaining to our children that there is no seudah shlishit on yom tov and that eating this meal was an obligation only on Shabbat.

And then my mother-in-law flipped. Nearly six months later, and basically in tears, she started to yell at us about our simcha. How could we have been so cheap? The birth of a daughter is a simcha too and we should have added more food and fancier food. It wasn't nice enough. It was embarrassing! Where I [Sephardi Lady] grew up (a small town), it might be appropriate to make such a "cheap" simcha, but where they are from [one of the more ostentatious communities in the US] this was nothing but an embarrassment. And lastly, if we didn't want to pay for something nice, they would pay for it. But, they wanted something better and we can't do this again.

My husband was as shocked as I was. Primarily we were not sure what triggered such outraged over an event so long ago. My husband couldn't believe that his parents (or mother) could be so embarrassed when they didn't have any friends in attendance. And I couldn't figure out what was so "cheap" about the simcha because, I argued, we did what everyone else does (minhag hamakom).

I'm not sure where this event leaves us. We can't undo the past, nor do we want to (although we had a similar incident hours before our wedding which I wish could be undone because the fight over the centerpieces my mother brought hurt here as well as my husband-and it scared me since I overheard it). We were perfectly happy with our choice then and remain happy with it now. Baruch Hashem, we could have paid more for a simcha, but didn't see the need to do so just for the sake of doing so. [Note: at our son's brit milah we had to give away cakes because there was too much food and no place to freeze it].

But I have to wonder what the future holds for us. With G-d's help we will have more children. And of course there are the Bar and Bat Mitzvah celebrations, all of which my husband's parents will attend with G-d's help.

Will we just pay for more than is necessary for future smachot just because in-laws are insistent upon it? (I don't plan on accepting money, but it is nice they offered since they are the one's wanting more). Will we just continue to do what we want although it "embarrasses" them despite the fact that we are well within the standard in our community?

And despite my meanderings about the future. What really hurt most was the fact that not one other person who was present at the seudah and our simcha said something simple and nice like, "I enjoyed it."

Readers: Just how big of a factor is family when it comes to Simcha Craziness? We've all heard about parents who spend more to impress their friends/family. What about kids who feel the need to spend more to please their parents?

Yuck. Shabbat Shalom.

Prasa NOT Pasta

Short post as not only is Pesach approaching quickly, but so is the end of tax season.

So with Pesach just around the corner, I decided it was time to start seriously prepping our preschool aged son for what to expect. So far it is proving to be a humorous adventure.

Like many children, my son is fascinated by sedarim (orders/routines), but more so. He remembers every details of a routine. For example, when recounting the previous visit to a certain high rise building that we regularly visit, he names every step of the process down to the seemingly insignificant detail of how Daddy must lift him to reach the elevator button because it is "soooooo high up!" Seems like we have a "1st son" on our hands.

While he declares every holiday or event as his favorite, I'm predicting that Pesach will become the highlight of his year, just like it is the highlight of Daddy's year. He loves order and routines, and Pesach offers just that. It also offers a lineup of other things he absolutely loves: grape juice, a warm breakfast on yom tov, the opportunity to be with family, and songs, songs, and more songs. This kid loves singing and chazanut.

The only problem with the new routine is that he wants a different, more familiar, routine. This week my husband made him a "mock seder" while I got ready to go out. So after making the first kiddush of the seder, Sephardiboy stands up and tells Daddy that he forgot to sing Shalom Aleichem and Aishet Chayil. Fortunately, the idea of making kiddush twice (yes, you read that correctly) was quite thrilling to him and seemed to make up for the disappointment he had experienced earlier.

And if the routine is confusing, even more confusing is the concept of Chometz. When I first starting teaching the concept, I had asked him what foods he thought were chometz. What did he list first after bread? Drumroll please. . . . . . . . rice. I quickly made a mental note that I will have to introduce the subject of kitniyot before a future Rebbe introduces it in school since our approach is more nuanced. But, it is too early to introduce the concept now.

At this point my son has catagorized an entire list of food as either chometz or not chometz, and rice is no longer in the chometz list. He knows he will not be having his favorite food (pasta) for Pesach "because Pasta is Chometz."

So yesterday, he overheard me and Savta discussing the Pesach menu. I asked how much Prasa (A meat patty made with prasa, ladino for leeks) we will be making and in runs our little tzadik screaming "But, pasta is chometz. We do NOT eat chometz on Pesach." I respond, "PraSA, not PasTa."

So far I am 0 and 2 in teaching about Pesach.

I Needed that Nachat(s)

I think every mother out there (and some fathers too) should be able to relate to the type of week we have had. There was a lot of important things that had to be done and there were deadlines looming overhead. I had a number of phone calls to make and needed cooperation. Whatever I cleaned got messed up again. The baby refused to be put down, went through an entire closet full of clothing, and wouldn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time. I developed a huge headache and it seemed like nobody was listening and absorbing the conversations that I was trying to have.

Then, because a certain neighbor of the Bubbe variety saw me tearing my hair out during the two brief times that she saw me , she felt the need to give me unsolicited advice that made me doubt my parenting (if only for a second).

So, just when I was feeling a bit low about the week, my 2 year old trounces into my room while dinner was on the stove and says very loudly, "Ki Le'olam hasdo. Mommy, what does THAT mean?"

Fortunately I had the answer and this inquiry made a difficult week end on a high note. Shabbat Shalom. Ki Le'olam hasdo indeed. I'm sure Shabbat and the coming week will be just fantastic.

Back to Life, Back to Reality

Anyone remember that song? I don't have a clue what the lyrics are beyond the six words noted above, but I've found myself humming the tune of the song with some trepidation and a lot of excitement.

Those who know me know that I need normalcy, predictability, and consistency. Having a new baby in the home is absolutely wonderful. But, the circus that accompanies it (and I mean circus in the nicest possible way) is anything but normal or predictable. And, it brings no consistency.

When I came back from the hospital, it was like entering another universe. Regular schedules and disciplines were not followed. Already too late bedtimes were hours later. My toddler was completely thrown off during my all too long hospital visit, and he was overwhelmed by the change of routine. He didn't recognize this household any better than I could. From who sat where at the table to who was in charge of the household (apparently him!), things were confusing.

In addition, things had been rearranged and finding what I needed proved a challenge fit for an investigator (fortunately, I have some experience!). Let's just say, if it wasn't screwed into the wall, there was a good chance that it had been moved. Apparently, I don't stack my dishes appropriately and my chemicals should be arranged differently. While these are minor things for a regular visit with family, when your hormones are going nuts, theses little molehills are mountains.

The flood of family visitors--a wonderful beracha-- is also a character test from shamayim. Fortunately, I didn't blow a fuse or withdraw. But, I can' say I passed with an A plus either.

Last time we did this, we had a spare bedroom and I was overwhelmed by having our house taken over and by the feelings of complete powerlessness brought on by a myriad of changes introduced into my house. Things were moved, foods I don't like were brought in, and things I wanted to use were being occupied 100% by others. I know it sounds petty, but when I am in my home I want to be able to be able to find things I need, eat food I like, and use my telephone and computer when I need to.

This time, we had even less house per capita. There is no longer have a spare bedroom. And, familial guests were making the place seem really squishy. During Shabbat, I couldn't find a quiet place to sit. Even the master bedroom was like public territory due to an unfortunate problem with our second bathroom. This time I have vowed (bli neder, of course) that if we are ever blessed enough to have another child (or even if we aren't), that we will be living in a larger place-preferably with a basement to which we can send everyone so we can maintain the regular environment for those who are suffering attachment issues because I will (sadly enough) never have a short hospital visit. My goal this year is to save money like mad to get a sizable enough downpayment to make this happen.

Of course, the upside of having family around is huge and I couldn't be more thankful for the help with stocking up the pantry, getting to doctors appointments, running small errands, playing with the kids, letting me run into the pharmacy without taking the kids in, and more.

But this week everything changed, and for the positive, I think. All extra persons returned home. I started and even finished some work for some clients. I got bedtimes back on schedule with a lot of persistence, and the baby is even sleeping better at night. And yesterday, I had a few hours to sit and regroup.

And, after all of that I have declared BACK TO LIFE, BACK TO REALITY. And, I am so glad. I'm nervous to venture out by myself with an overeager toddler and baby in weather that is getting colder by the day. But, at a certain point, I just need to settle into normal life, even when that normal life is now different.

Can anyone else relate?

Mazal Tov!

Since it has been announced in the j-blogs, I might as well write a few random and not so random thoughts about our most recent simcha: the birth of a now healthy and happy baby girl. She is beautiful, snuggly, calm, and content. There is nothing more we could ask for and we have such hakarat hatov to HaKadosh Baruchu for the opportunity to be mechanech a child once again.

G-d willing, I will have a smooth recovery and be able to get off these pain killers which make me feel terrible and make me wonder why anyone would take such things voluntarily. Unfortunately, the past few days, I've had a number of complications, many of which explain my absence. Giving birth is apparently not my forte. But, ultimately, what counts is how one raises their children, and my life goal is to do that successfully.

Bring a baby into klal yisrael is always exhilarating. But, one of the things I marvel at the most is the pure chessed that exists in our communities. Whether new parents needs meals, assistance with chores or errands, help with other children, etc, there are always ample volunteers seeking you out, young and old. Ma Tovu?

The other thing I marvel at is the miracle of modern medicine. Unfortunately, as I mentioned before, giving birth is not my strength. And, I have to be thankful to Hashem that I was placed in this generation and not in a past generation.

That is it for now. I want to wish everyone a Shabbat Shalom, a Good Shabbos, and that we only celebrate smachot together.

Next. . . back to our regular programming.

The Rudest, Most Unsolicited Advice You Have Ever Received

Although I prefer pen names or John Hancocks, I welcome anonymous posts for this topic: Have you ever received completely unsolicited advice from someone, stranger or not, that was so rude that you have yet to come up with that snappy comeback? If so, feel free to share.

I'm slow with the comebacks, since they aren't really my style. But, usually when I receive really, really rude advice, I brush it off and think up a snappy comeback in my head an hour or two later that makes me feel better. Not so with this unsolicited, and downright rude, advice.

So here is my story:
I'm in a well known health food store, standing at the checkout line with only one child. And, I'm visibly expectant. Yes, just one child, not 4, or 5, or 6 children. But, as you will see, I hope the rude lady that I met never has occassion to meet anyone passing through with a large number of children in tow!

Said child is being just a cutie-pie and we are having a fun time together. We are joking around and giggling together quietly, when he turns to the lady in line next to us and says with a big smile, "oh, you are buying bananas." I'm not sure if it was a statement or a question. This kid is really inquisitive and observes everything. The lady then asks him if he would like to hold the banana, and I smile and politely tell her, that we will pass on her kind offer, since we would prefer her banana stay in one piece (another story, possibly for another time).

So after this very brief and friendly exchange, the lady says to me: "You should get your tubes tied." I just stammered, "huh." And, she repeats herself, "You should get your tubes tied now." Then she goes on to explain that it is best to have your tubes tied while you are pregnant and how I better have this procedure done NOW.

Whoa! I've never met this lady at all and she is telling me this. Talk about invasive. Talk about rude. Talk about personal. And, talk about unsolicited advice. I probably turned as white as a piece of typing paper. I just looked away and got myself through the checkout as quickly as possible. (I hope I said thank you to the nice clerk at the checkout).

Fortunately, on the way out of the parking lot I met an Israeli lady and her husband who was a real Savta type. She was entertained by my son's renditions of Shabbat that she had witnessed throughout the store. She wasn't the only one. :) She wished me nachat, hatzlacha, mazal, beracha, and a b'sha'a tovah and shared with me that her daughter-in-law was due with twins at any minute. I was briefly uplifted after my previous exchange. We shared in her excitement, and wished her a happy life as a new Savta.

But, a week later, I still cannot shake the most rude experience I have ever had with a stranger in my life and there is no snappy comeback to wipe away the shock of the experience. I'm just glad that my son was able to share in the excitement of a soon-to-be Savta and had no idea that there are people out there that just hate life so much that the mere image of a mother with children makes them unable to control themselves.

Feel free to share your terrible experiences involving completely unsolicited advice.

A Yom Kippur Lesson from my Toddler

(Other bloggers are much, much better at taking everyday activities and deriving spiritual lessons, so please excuse my first attempt).

Recently, we had to discipline our toddler. The event that called for serious discipline couldn't have come at a worse time. After loading the dishwasher and tidying up, I was steps from the door, headed to a much awaited pre-Yom Kippur shiur. But, often, we parents have to put our own plans aside for the good of our children. And, this was one of those moments. Sadly, the pre-Yom Kippur shiur will have to wait until next year.

After the regular routine of walking our son back into his room each time he left it, he finally calmed down. My husband went into his room to give follow-up the discipline and told him that he needed to apologize to Mommy before he could continue with the regular bedtime routine.

At first he whispered "I'm" and stopped short. We snuggled him, held his hand, and gave him small kisses as we encouraged him to speak a little louder. But, he just couldn't, even though we could see how much he wanted to. Finally, after a short time, I fed the words one by one into his mouth and he softly whispered them back, averting his eyes much of the time.

To me, asking for mechila is a similar exercise. The desire is there, the incentive is there, but the words just will not leave the mouth, even when you know that the person from whom you are asking will only return your request with love.

On that note: please forgive me for any unkind words. And, to my very best friends who read my blog and know the personality behind the name. I love you very much and hope you will grant me mechila.

May everyone have an easy fast and may we all be sealed in the book of life.

Please Excuse Minor Errors

I am a perfectionist by nature. When I worked full time as a professional, I spent the majority of my day putting extensive amounts of procedures, data, and tests into the language an average middle schooler or high schooler could understand. During my years in the workforce I developed a writing style which was clear, concise, and precise. Unfortunately, I have lost some of my touch lately while I spend my days doing things that I consider much more valuable, primarily being completely available to my family.

So, I ask my readers to please excuse my grammatical errors and inconsistencies and my spelling mistakes. Thanks!

Hello and Welcome

Hello and welcome to my blog. I've thought about blogging for many months, but I just hadn't got around to it. Finally reading months worth of posts of other bloggers about very important topics, I decided that it was time to give blogging a try and express my ideas and concerns about some of the hot button issues in the Orthodox Jewish community. Since I have a financial background and tend to comment a lot on economic issues, I figured it would be fun to choose a blog that reflected that concern of mine. After throwing around a number of names that didn't seem to have the right ring, my husband suggested Orthonomics and, alas, a blog was born.

I post under the name SephardiLady. The name came about when another blogger (sorry, I can't remember who) posted a topic on halacha that involved a dispute between Ashkenazim and Sephardim. Since I was representing the Sephardi interpretation, I posted under the name SephardiLady and I kept with the name.

Shavua Tov and welcome to my blog.