I am more than convinced that some of my generation and the current crop of young people will go down in the annals of history as a group of very entitled and spoiled people. I'm sure most readers of my blog are aware of the prevailing custom that the chatan's family pays for FLOP (Flowers, Liquor, Orchestra, and Photography) when their son marries. Some have more recently added S (Sheitel(s)) to that list. Now I have learned a new letter is part of this alphabet soup. The letter of the day: B. Bochurim expect their transportation to a wedding be paid for. A poster at YWN has taken the time to inform the readership of this writing:
"I just wanted to point out to the YW readers, that when yeshiva bochurim come to a wedding (and there can be alot to go to, as they and all of their friends are in the parsha), they expect to be compensated for their travel costs. Before everyone starts jumping about this practice, I'm not endorsing it, but I just wanted to bring it to people's attention, as sometimes the uncomfortable situation arises when a bochur who doesn't have money expects his expenses to be paid for, and then by the wedding he is told to fly a kite. The matter only gets more complicated if other bochurim hitch a ride from one who is stuck with the bill (and he doesn't know their names or #s)."
One commentor that writes "How about the boys give a gift instead of exercising their outsized sense of entitlement." Funny how the girls are expected to give a gift and contribute to a wedding shower for their high school classmates and the boys are asking to have their transportation paid for.
But another commentor thinks the others are too hard on the bochurim. She writes, "My son's friend got married in Chicago recently and provided him and 8 other bachurim with tickets to fly in to the wedding. My son said that was the best money that was spent at the wedding; to quote: 'Ma, we didn't stop dancing for a minute. They didn't need fancy flowers or even food. We bachurim are the ones who made the wedding for the chassan.' So, when you look at it in this way, the car fare for bachurim to come to an out-of-town wedding should be included in the wedding expenses."
I can't help but let out a sigh. It seems that a group of young boys are suffering from a large ego trip. Furthermore the mother reminds us that these boys need a helping hand because they are also dating and that is expensive, "i.e. renting cars, paying for drinks, and of course, paying the dry cleaning bill so the suit they danced in at those weddings is presentable at the date." Someone (perhaps the parents who are really paying for the date from behind the scenes) should give these boys a budget and directions to the local Starbucks or ice cream parlor.
Sometimes when we receive an invitation for an anniversary party or even a second wedding a note is attached "Your presence is your gift." Perhaps the parents of the chatan should attach such a note to the invitations of the bochurim lest they get presented with the bill.