A Nation of Whinners?

Phil Gramm, a former Republican Texas senator and now former member of John McCain's campaign, found himself in a bit of hot water when he was speaking about the downturn in the economy saying "We have sort of become a nation of whiners" and "You've heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession."

When I saw last week's letter to the editor in the Yated (see Wolf's blog for the letter) about the low wages your average Lakewood wife commands, the letter to Rebbitzen Jungreis from a mother who wants to *abolish* visiting day--she views sleep away camp as none other than a "necessity" despite tough financial times--because it is too expensive to visit and she always ends up with extra expenses such as taking her kids out to eat because they don't like the camp food (here is a similar letter to the same effect), and I see the responses in this week's Yated to last week's letter about the low hourly wages Lakewood women are being offered as unjust, I can't help but think that someone should invite Phil Gramm to give some mussar (and an even more needed class in Microeconomics) to some our own whiners because this is getting ridiculous with a capital R.

This letter makes you say what in the world? A young lady (married, I believe, but now I'm not quite sure) who has never held a job complains that she makes *less* than our cleaning lady. Earth to "Help Us Make an Honest Living" . . . . . .the answer is that you need to become a cleaning lady. The pay is higher and the market is ready. Do I say that tongue in cheek? Yes and no. I worked an unskilled manual labor job once to make some money and get something on my resume.

Dear Editor,

For many years, I slaved away in school. I had a straight-A average in all subjects. Then I spent a year in BJJ. Now that I am back here and looking for a job, I am told that everything that I learnt is not important and my skills are useless. I applied for many jobs and was offered only one, at a salary less than our cleaning lady.

I was about to accept the offer, but my father didn’t let me. He said that, as a bas Yisroel, I should not permit myself to be taken advantage of in that way. And I don’t even live in Lakewood. I live in Monsey.

Help Us Make an Honest Living

Monsey, NY

. . . . . . .but I imagine if someone dared suggest cleaning for a living the reply would be a "Bas Yisroel" can't do that. Many Rabbonim have pointed out that we have fallen victims to an "instant gratification" culture. They are 100% correct from what I see and what I read. Good thing our grandparents and great-grandparents were more concerned about making a living than keeping their "dignity."

The last post was about encouraging children to save money. Another subject is encouraging our children to WORK and start at the bottom (the place most of us started) . What this father has done to his daughter by preventing her from taking a "low paying" job is criminal! He is damning her to a life of poverty (how do you climb the ladder if you don't get on the bottom rung?), he is stripping her of dignity that comes from contributing to the well-being of your family, he is sentencing her to idleness, and he is helping her feel entitled without a resume to prove her worth.

To the letter writer: you should never allow yourself to be taken advantage of (e.g. stay in a job where you don't get cheated out of your pay). But starting on the bottom rung is not being "taken advantage of" it is simply "taking advantage of an opportunity. If anything, you are the one taking advantage. So, get on the bottom rung and start climbing.

Retirement: Getting a Really Big Head Start

I have read numerous articles and even a few books directed at teaching children how to be responsible with money. One idea that has become somewhat popular is that of providing "matching funds" for children as it regards large purchases, such as a car. The kid works and saves and they parent fills in the gaps. I don't get too excited about many of these ideas. While I am not at all opposed to helping children get some financial footing in a tough world, you have to make sure you are helping them establish a solid foundation rather than feeding into consumerism and materialism.

However, a while back I read a matching funds idea that I really liked because it really captured the concepts of working, disciplined saving, and building wealth through long term investment. The idea presented involves offering a parent matching the savings of a working teen/young 20-something so long as they lock their saved earnings into a retirement account. 'Working,' of course refers to a teenager who is "on the books" either as an employee or by filing a schedule C.

Right now there are a number of teenagers working at summer jobs who are hopefully saving their money (a topic for another post, but I believe dependents who work should be expected to save part of their earnings). Now imagine the head start a child could get on retirement if he/she started funding their first IRA/ROTH IRA* while still young and the motivation he would have to continue to funding that IRA if he saw that reaching a benchmark or goal was manageable in both the short and long term.

Hopefully we all understand the time value of money and how a person who tries to save large amounts for retirement during their 40's or 50's may never catch up to a person who started saving for retirement in their teen's and 20's (and then stopped before the 40 year old got started). The time value of money is a wonder that never ceases to amaze me. And, there are a lot of online financial tools that can help one visualize the difference through graphs and charts.

The 2008 IRA limit is $5000. An individual can only fund their IRA up to the amount they earned. If we are in the position to do so when our teenagers start earning some of their own money, I will consider offering them a match for the amount of earnings they save and invest in an IRA. I think it would be a good investment, far better than the myriad of other ways parents "help" their children.

Given the current economic realities in the frum community, I would encourage parents to talk to their children when they start working about how important it is to save money for the future (be it for an emergency fund, a starter home, or retirement). Often there is only a limited period of time to build a healthy financial future. I see nothing wrong with showing a teenager it is do-able while the increments needed are far smaller.

*I recommend a ROTH IRA over an IRA, especially for teenagers who probably are not earning enough to take advantage of the present tax savings on an IRA anyways. If they aren't paying taxes as it is, it makes sense to use after-tax dollars and withdraw them tax free at 65+.

Costco: A Budget Help or a Budget Hurt?

Those looking for ways to slash their spending are frequently told, "join Costco (BJ's, Sam's, etc)." There is no question that there are many products in these warehouse stores that are good bargains (Empire chicken, gas) and there some products that are absolutely fantastic bargains (olive oil, pine nuts, and yeast (!!!)). But, shopping in these stores can also be a budget breakers. Perhaps the biggest challenge is being faced with so much bulk, often for a lesser price, but buyer beware the price isn't always less than that of your regular grocery store's regular price, to say nothing of sale price or sale price combined with coupons. Bulk at a lesser price is only bargain if you are buying a product you already use. Buying something in a larger quantity because it is a good price when you would opt for a lesser priced produce for the same purpose isn't a bargain at all.

Another challenge posed by warehouse stores is that so much is under one roof. There are also discount department stores like Walmart and Target introducing grocery sections which makes for a similiar challenge. Not only can you buy milk, eggs, cereal, chicken and pasta while you are there, you can also fill in your children's summer wardrobe, pick up swimsuits for summer camp, grab some socks and underwear, get some office supplies, buy some things for the kitchen, pick out some music or books, and perhaps even get that new refrigerator while you are there. It is just so convenient and the price is right, right?

Well, maybe. The price might be "right" compared to the regular price at another store, but warehouse stores often have a way for convincing the shopper to buy things that they never really needed in the first place, buy more than they needed, and perhaps most insidiously buy it now because it is right there and will save time and who wants to go back later (plus the item might be gone then). A Blogger at Getting to Enough agrees with my sentiments and so do the commentors.. . . . and so do I. I rarely have left Costco without buying something that is not on my list and that I would have found a better replacement for.

My recommendation for those who are not members (I tend to tag along with my father-in-law or a friend) is to see if a friend with pick up something on your list (perhaps yeast or olive oil) while that friend is there anyways. That way you can get the few products that really are worth buying without the experience that is bound to throw even the most disciplined off their game. r

Updated: Check Out the NY Times on "The Costco Effect." Highly recommended article.
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Also, I can't help but point out the MSN Money article "Can a Family Eat on $100 a week?" The rules the author set up for her challenge included no paper goods or cleaning products, shopping only in regular grocery stores (i.e. no warehouses or ethnic markets), and no coupons. She didn't meet her budget, she felt deprived, didn't eat enough fresh produce, but did come close to her budget and learned some things during the challenge.

Frankly, the challenge window was far too short. It didn't allow for stockpiling sale items nor bulk cooking and freezing. While the idea of a one week challenge is *cute,* it just isn't realistic. Keeping a slim grocery budget is a long term project, not a one week diet. Perhaps we eat less, but I just calculated out our average weekly grocery and drug store bills though July 31, 2008 and I am averaging handful less than $100 a week and I don't think anyone feels deprived. We eat a large variety of food, enjoy a lot of interesting dishes on Shabbat, and enjoy a nice amount of produce. Not only that, but we keep Kosher, diapers are included in this figure, we made Pesach, and we had company for an extended period. But I'm sure if I took the same challenge the author did, I'd exceed the allowance too. Diets rarely work. Small changes in habits in small increments will yield more permanent results.

Another MSN columnist tried a cut the bills in half challenge over a one month period. Her household did come out ahead, but didn't meet their target. The one month challenge period was a more realistic time period, but still not really long enough for a serious examination. She learned that two cooks in the kitchen isn't the most efficient way to grocery shop, but that it wasn't worth eroding their "shalom bayit" over her husband's less efficient shopping habits. Good advice, I'd say. She is certainly spot on with her assertion that it is most efficient for one person to be in charge of the grocery budget.

You Can Wash It?!?!

I've long maintained that dry cleaning is a money drain in the budget of a frum family. Personally, I avoid clothing that really needs to be dry cleaned like the plague. Not only do I want to avoid the extra expense, but I prefer to avoid the trouble of adding an extra errand to my schedule. Plus, I prefer comfort.

Notice I used the word really in reference to dry cleaning. I can't speak for men's clothing (I do dry clean my husband's suits, but he fortunately only wears a suit once a week), but at least when it comes to women's clothing the recommendation to dry clean often has little to do with what must be done and more to do with protecting the clothing manufacture.

Yes, much of what you might be dry cleaning would do perfectly fine going through a delicate cycle in your own washer (not necessarily some washer in the laundry mat) and then hung up to dry.

What prompted this post? Well, we are in the 3 weeks, so I'm going to be sticking more to money saving tips posts so we don't cause needless controversy. But, the real impetus was that we went to a wedding last week. I decided to wear a suit that I haven't worn in at least 2 years. When I took the suit off the hanger and removed the dry cleaner's tag I noticed the navy blue lining was a discolored purple. I had to have the suit dry cleaned because 2 years ago I had no access to a personal washing machine. For the 5 years prior to that, I had always washed the suit on the hand wash and/or delicate cycle and there was never any discoloration.

I don't know what the average dry cleaning bill runs for your average frum family, but when 4-6 year old are having their dresses dry cleaned, I know it has got to be a pretty penny. Next time, try the hand wash cycle or perhaps hand wash with Woolite if you are less daring. It might help bolster the family budget in a tough economy.

Now, has anyone had good or bad experiences with self-dry cleaning kits for men's suits? Has anyone ever stuck a men's suit in the wash on delicate? Add your comments please.

Grocery Shopping: Three Other Notes

I forgot to make these two notes in my last post:

1. Experiment with different brands. You probably won't want to stock up when trying a new brand the first time you try it, but chances are you will probably be quite pleased with a lot of the store brands sitting on the shelf. The higher priced brands, or brands with the biggest profit margin, tend to sit at eye level. So look up and down while shopping.

2. Get to know your grocery store layout. It is no longer the case that all pasta is in aisle 5. Today you might find pasta in two aisles as many grocery stores are setting aside "ethnic" brands in different isles. Spices are almost always priced less (far less) in the ethnic section. I've found pasta is priced less also, as is olive oil.

3. Check your receipt. Stores make mistakes and it can happen more often than you think. Watch the cash register carefully and try to check your receipt.

Organizing Cost Effective Grocery Shopping


Readers in my previous post are making a lot of requests from me. I will try to be at your service, but I'm hoping that there is a life insurance expert out there will kindly submit a guest post because this is not an area of expertise of mine. When it came to selecting life insurance for our family, we called up a friend who sells insurance through a well known and highly rated company and got the ball rolling. We also are required to enroll for a certain level of coverage through my husband's employer, so we don't have all our eggs in one basket so to speak. But I'd like to learn more from a reader of this blog and am putting out my request for a guest post. Otherwise, I will have to do some research, which isn't a problem by any means. But a guest post would be more expedient.

Now, back to the subject at hand. I am passionate about controlling the food/household goods budget. I think anyone trying to gain control over their household budget would do best to start in an area they can exercise a healthy level of control over without having to make changes that might be too drastic. Of course, tackling this area of a diet might involve quite a bit of change if you have to change the way you eat, but it still may be less traumatic than selling your home, car, or pulling the kids off the soccer team.

Many are under the impression that controlling the food/household goods budget is far too bothersome, providing far too little return. I disagree. Getting the hang of it does take some practice and the initial stages can be time consuming (especially as you make menu changes and learn new cooking habits) but once the basic skills have been mastered, it gets easier and easier. Those who haven't learned more frugal skills have to exercise the muscles, and the beginning of any exercise program can be a bit difficult.

Here are a few things necessary to get the ball rolling in the right direction:


1. Spend $1. For at least a year I tried the coupon thing, but could never seem to get a handle on it. I had an envelope with diaper coupons in it, another envelope with cleaning product coupons in it, and another envelope with hygiene product coupons in it. But once I was in the store, I couldn't locate the envelopes for the life of me. Months later, I'd find them while cleaning out the car or cleaning up the desk. Of course, by then the coupons were useless.


Then one day we were in Target and I saw a coupon purse in the dollar section. I spent one dollar and have saved hundreds since then. An compact and organized coupon fits nicely in my purse. I don't leave home without it. And its size and simplicity helps keep me organized.

I try to cut coupons once a week. When my kids are more cooperative, I will put one of them to work leaving me with only the responsibility of organizing the coupons. I file coupons as follows: diapers, food products, household cleaning products, toiletries, gift card offers for new and/or transferred prescriptions, rainchecks, and retail.

Note: CVS Extra Bucks sit in my wallet in front of my credit cards and Rite Aid receipts are filed there due to their valuable rebates. I have found I need these items to be very visible lest I forget I have them.

2. Create a grocery flex fund, say $200-$300. I do not adhere to a rigid budget for groceries. I know it works for some people to put $100 in an envelope at the beginning of the week and call it quits when the money is gone. But, frankly, I'd never survive because inevitably when tuna goes on a 2 for $1 sale, cereal is also on sale at a bargain price, as is cottage cheese, as is pasta, and then, lo and behold, I run into packages of diapers that end up running me less than $5 after coupons. I rarely go to a warehouse store, but when I do hitch a ride with a friend, I can quickly spend $100 on some basics, and while those basics can easily last 6 months, I can't drink the olive oil for dinner. Therefore, I need the flexibility to spend more some months and less other months, hence the flex fund. Sometimes you have to spend money to save money. Hence my stockpiles of goods we use regularly.

3. Create organized storage area(s). If you are stocking up you need space. The space should be as easy to use with good visibility so you can make a quick inventory by sight. I highly recommend buying a stand up freezer (try to find a floor model, you will likely save nearly half) because having this storage area is one of the keys to saving, both time and money.

4. Grocery List on the refrigerator. I keep an inexpensive magnetic pad of lined paper on the side of my refrigerator. Everyone has been instructed that if they want something, they need to add it to the list (supplies don't appear magically). When I notice we are running low on a non-perishable staple, I try to get it on the list before the situation is "desperate." That way I can buy it in the place that I know it is priced best at, rather than the place I need to go.

Now, onto the shopping tips:

1. Get your paper and pencil ready. The day that the circulars arrive in my mailbox, I quickly scan through the ads, circling everything of interest to me. Once you have figured out how the stores lay out their circular you will learn which pages to look at and the time spend will quickly be cut in half. The kosher consumer can often skip more than half the ad. The front page normally contains any super sales (e.g. cereals, produce bargains, ice cream bargains). The middle pages are mostly filled with items of no interest to the kosher consumer (meat, cheese, deli, seafood). If I believe I have a coupon for an item, I note "coupon" right on the ad and move that coupon to the front of my file. The real deals often come from matching up coupons with items on sale. How I got cereal for 80 cents: the store was selling general mills cereal 10 for 10. You had to buy 10 at a time. At checkout they gave you a coupon for $2 of 5 boxes on your next purchase. So, I went back and the next 10 boxes cost me 80 cents, as did the next 10 and the next 10. I found a hiding place for the cereal and bought a huge supply.

2. Get to know different store's policy on coupons. Presenting coupons is unfortunately the only way to get to know the policy, but it has been well worth it for me. Some stores will double coupons 55 cents and below, others 99 cents and below. This means the same coupon is far more valuable in store b than in store a. Some stores don't care if you are buying the exact product in the exact quantity so long as the manufacturer is the same (e.g. a coupon for one type of Kellogg's cereal can be used to buy a different Kellogg's cereal). Some stores are more than happy to take coupons that have recently expired, other stores are strict about the expiration date. I tend to throw out all coupons past their expiration date because I don't want my file to become overwhelming. But one drug store is happy to take expired diaper coupons, so if I have a more valuable diaper coupon, I hold onto it.

3. Note non-sale prices on basics either mentally or in a notebook. Just because something is on sale doesn't mean it is a good price. Also there are large discrepancies on basics between many stores. I refuse to go to 6 grocery stores a week. So I stock up on things we need that don't regularly go on sale whenever I am at the grocery store that has the best price.

4. Shop with a calculator. Bulk doesn't mean less expensive and unfortunately grocery stores don't always match their units. You can't compare pints with gallons without a calculator.

5. Ask for a Raincheck. If there is a really good sale on an item, it will often be gone be gone by the time you get there. I keep rainchecks behind a separate tab in my coupon wallet so they are easy to locate.

6. Damaged Goods. I can't even begin to tell you how much money I've saved buying slightly dented cans, cereal and foil in crushed boxes, and packages of diapers with damaged packaging. I have paid 5 cents for small cans of tomato sauce, 25 cents for cans of pineapple, and I've even picked up free cereal after applying coupons. Find out where the damaged items are kept and visit that part of the store religiously.

7. Stock up only on what you use. Buying in bulk is only good if you regularly use the item. Buying an item that is a good price for that item, but not really a good price, will only put you behind. I stock up on frozen vegetables, canned tomato products, cereal, and cuts of poultry/meat that we regularly use.

8. Past its Prime. I have made large batches of soup for almost nothing by buying produce that is past its prime. So long as you have time to put up a soup and space to freeze, I recommend looking for produce past its prime. I made a sweet potato soup from onions and carrots on hand combined with 6 sweet potatoes I picked up for a dollar. I believe I had enough soup to serve for six Shabbat meals. More recently I made an entire stockpot of minestrone soup from not so fresh tomatoes and other vegetables I had on hand. The tomatoes cost me $2.50. This Shavuot I was planning a dessert, but ended up spotting a beautiful raspberry tart for $1.50 on the day old bakery rack. I would not have thought of looking on the bakery rack, since the items baked at the store are not certified. But a kosher certified package caught my attention and we were out the door with a great treat (and it really was tasty).

9. Package your own snacks. Enough said.

10. Water. Challah. Soda, seltzer, and juice can put a hit on any budget. Sometimes you have to wean your family off their drinks. Fortunately water is good for the waistline too. And do learn to make your own challah. I can mix up a water challah (five cups of mixed flour) in five minutes for almost nothing. To think that only 5 years ago I was spending at least $6 a week on challah. It is almost embarrassing.

And lastly, don't wear yourself thin. Good habits take time to build and get easier with time. My food/household goods budget has been just about the same for the past few years despite a growing family. But I've expanded my menu options, learned how to juggle my cooking, learned how to substitute ingredients, learned more about freezing, and I've learned new skills like making a variety of soups and baking challah. I've also managed to settle into better cooking routines that don't take away great amounts of time. I really see this part of homemaking to be a lot like an exercise plan. It takes some time to settle into and learn to enjoy it.

Audit Your Trashcan

We were in New York recently and it was garbage day (yuck!). As I took my kids on a walk to the park, I couldn't help but notice just how much some people spend on groceries. The evidence was simply right in front of my nose. You see, where we were staying everyone shops at small local stores that put the price of the item right on a small sticker. So when you sit down for a bowl of cereal, you know your host paid a ridiculous $4.59 for a small box of cereal. Or when you go to grab a snack for the kids, you know just how many dollars they are inhaling. "Out of town" you would have a much harder time knowing how much that same box of cereal sitting in my pantry costs (between $0.80 and $1.00, if you are curious).

I wasn't looking at people's trash, but when I bent down to tie a shoe and saw a chalav yisrael carton of ice cream with a sticker saying it cost $8.59, my antennae went up and I started to look at the contents of the trash. I imagine that the ice cream was a special treat, but I simply cannot fathom paying that much money for ice cream, but I don't keep chalav yisrael.

Sometimes I feel the answer to the financial crunch of some families is right in front of their eyes, or in this case the answer is in the trash can. When a week's worth of garbage includes at least 5 big bottles of apple juice, it is no wonder people are struggling. When trash cans are overflowing with boxes of prepared blintzes, macaroni and cheese, and pizza, I don't have to wonder how in the world a family spends $30,000 per year on food alone.

Perhaps what is most interesting about trash in the frum community is just how many disposables are used. It seemed every trash can was overflowing with aluminum cookie sheets and bakeware, plastic silverware, and used paper plates. ProfK this morning is writing about the cost of acquiring two sets of dishes, cookware, and bakeware, but the real cost is NOT acquiring such. If you shop smart, dishes and even bakeware/cookware will not break the bank. But, disposables inevitably will.

Unless you live in a rabbit hole, I'm sure you as painfully aware as I am that the price of groceries is going through the roof. Now is the time to make sure that you are controlling what you can control and a trash can audit is the perfect tool to really get a handle on what you are spending.

Tacky?

Couples in Israel can now rent an ATM at their wedding hall in order to accept gifts. Strikes me as extremely tacky. I know the rules are changing, but this is over the line for me. What do you think?

And on a related note, a year ago almost to the date I asked my readers if Thank You Cards have become passe (not in our home, mind you!). Recently I received two thank you cards thanking me "for the check" and "for $18." My mother always told me when thanking someone for a monetary gift it is best to work around such by saying "thank you for the (generous) gift, it is very much appreciated." I recently read it is appropriate to write a bit how the gift intends to be used, e.g. "we are looking forward to buying a home to share" or something of that nature. I imagine it is best to make sure you know your audience when stating intent of use. Reminds me of a thank you card I received from a Bar Mitzvah boy in my Hebrew School class. He thanked me for my gift and told me he bought a tape of a heavy metal band. Perhaps he didn't know my feelings towards metal. Oh well. :)

Another note: There is something very uncomfortable about over exaggeration. This week I received a call from a well known tzedakah. The lady starts flattering me for my "very generous gift" from last year and asks if they can "count on me again." I thought to myself, she must be mistaken about who she is calling we didn't give anything "very generous" although I do recall giving $18 through a local school charitable drive. Turns out the amount on her record was $18. Please, don't try to flatter me too much. I think a simple "thank you for your gift" would suffice for $18.

Bill of Rights for Children

Hat Tip: A commentor on Rabbi Horowitz's site posted something called the John Rosemond's Bill of Rights for children. It rings true to me and really hits home, especially in light of my last batch of posts. Read on and leave your own comments. I love this. Perhaps I will post it up on our refrigerator!


Because it is the most character-building, two-letter word in the English language, children have the right to hear their parents say "NO" at least three times a day.

Children have the right to find out early in their lives that their parents don't exist to make them happy, but to offer them the opportunity to learn the skills they - children - will need to eventually make themselves happy.

Children have a right to scream all they want over the decisions their parents make, albeit their parents have the right to confine said screaming to certain areas of their homes.

Children have the right to find out early that their parents care deeply for them, but don't give a hoot what their children think about them at any given moment in time.

Because it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, children have the right to hear their parents say "Because I said so" on a regular and frequent basis.

Because it is the most character-building activity a child can engage in, children have the right to share significantly in the doing of household chores.

Every child has the right to discover early in life that he isn't the center of the universe (or his family or his parents' lives), that he isn't a big fish in a small pond, that he isn't the Second Coming, and that he's not ever - in the total scheme of things - very important at all, no one is, so as to prevent him from becoming an insufferable brat.

Children have the right to learn to be grateful for what they receive; therefore, they have the right to receive all of what they truly need and very little of what they simply want.

Children have the right to learn early in their lives that obedience to legitimate authority is not optional, that there are consequences for disobedience, and that said consequences are memorable and, therefore, persuasive.

Every child has the right to parents who love him/her enough to make sure he/she enjoys all of the above rights.

Unwilling to Start at the Bottom of the Ladder

Since I'm on the subject of entitlement, I might as well continue blogging on the subject. The good news in the following letter is that there seems to be some recognition that work is a necessity and it seems that some young men actually desire to work.

The problem, you ask? (You knew there was a catch, right?) While they claim to be willing to work, they expect to be paid an "average" wage. They want you, a potential employer, to offer them at least $10 an hour. Anything less would be insulting. Never mind that plenty of other people would happily take you up on an offer for less.

Let me tell you boys something and I will tell it to you straight. If you have nothing on your resume, you aren't worth $10 an hour. If you want to start and build a resume, you need to humble yourself and be willing to accept what you can get, which will likely be minimum wage. You have got to leave your ego at the door and just stick a foot in because it is very likely someone else in line. Once you have landed a starter job, you need to demonstrate loyalty, willingness to work, and commitment to learning and advancing your skills.

If your first job is unskilled, be prepared to start at the bottom. If your first job is skilled, be prepared to start at the bottom. You value as a new employee is very little to nothing. Your employer is taking a risk on you, and often an expensive risk at that because he has to train you and after spending good money on you, you may prove yourself less than capable and then he is stuck trying again. You need to be demonstrate you are a team player. You need to open yourself up to criticism and accept it to better yourself.

The following is the letter that got my goat. It is beyond asinine so I'm reserving my comments (or otherwise I'd blog a sociology PhD thesis). But, I know ProfK will have something to say. G-d help us all.

Update: ProfK came through with a link to an older post of her that works hand in hand with this post. Thank you for getting me to this link without having to backtrack through your many posts.


YISSOCHORS AND ZUVULUNS

Dear Editor,

I would like to “put out there” some ideas that I believe can be implemented in our communities to alleviate a common but unnecessary situation and to receive constructive feedback. I feel, and I believe many parents and teachers do as well, that we can and must create opportunities and networks for our young adults to get jobs. The reason I say this is because I know from my personal experience and what I have heard from my siblings that it is difficult to find a steady, average-paying job ($10 an hour or more) during the summer months and after leaving the yeshiva world. The ages that I am referring to are between 14 and 26.

There are many parents who cannot afford camp and their children must remain home for the summer. Not everyone is capable and personable, or has the skills required or the family connections, to find a job as a counselor, waiter, tutor, or lifeguard. Many young adults need to be guided to work efficiently and professionally, but they do not want to do it for free. They should not have to. I suggest that we deal with this problem. I would like to equate it with the shidduch crisis and suggest that we find similar creative solutions found for the shidduch crisis:

1. Regarding shidduchim, many high schools have a yearly gathering for alumni to meet with shadchanim. Similarly, every yeshiva should set up an alumni meeting to help alumni find jobs after they leave yeshiva. I also include those who want to learn full-time. Our yeshivos and high schools should be responsible to find their former talmidim jobs in kollelim, as mohalim, as sofrim, as shochtim, as rabbeim, etc. around the globe.

2. Yeshivos and Jewish organizations should set up a hotline for any student to call for a job and promptly be set up with one. For example, there should be a babysitter hotline where parents can call and be set up with someone who is looking to baby-sit.

3. Yeshivos should set up a similar program to the NASI initiative for shidduchim that should be funded with tuition funds. You pay tuition so that your children can have practical skills to earn money. And I don’t mean scholastic skills. Tuition funds should go directly for that purpose. Understandably, employers don’t want to pay more than they have to, as basic economics show, but the program will reward cash initiatives to those who provide someone with a steady job. The payment schedule can be, for example, $400 for three months for someone age 14 to 18. Even if the employer did not have available job openings that he would be willing to pay for, he can hire a student with the funds from the school and teach him valuable skills and have extra help. Even the school can use those funds to hire students to clean the classrooms or restrooms. Why should we hire illegals or people from the outside to do these jobs? As we know, money talks. If we pay our students $15 to clean the classroom or the restroom, they will probably take it. No, they don’t have the skills, so have someone teach them. Hire one maintenance worker who will show them how to do it. Money should go to pay student babysitters more money than $6 an hour. It is not always worthwhile to baby-sit for the ‘going rate.’ I believe parents will be happy to pay tuition when they know that their hard-earned money is being used to give their own children money.

4. Jobs specifically for high-schoolers should be posted in the school lobby and mentioned in the classrooms. Teachers should ask their students if they need a job.

5. Teachers can be network hubs for their students. They should speak with parents who are owners of stores and inquire about jobs for their students.

6. Allow the yeshiva dorms to be used if someone wants to go to work. What better way is there to show our children/students that we are not elitist than by allowing the Zevuluns to share the dorm with the Yissochors? Many people can make a Yissochor-Zevulun contract inside the dorm room. Our yeshivos need to actively show that they truly believe that Torah does not look down on those earning a parnassa, not just profess it behind closed doors. We must show it from our elementary and high school grades. No student should be without a well-paying job. It will give them the skills and pride to be a helper and a productive member of our society. Isn’t that what we want? They should even get paid above their economical worth if it will stimulate them to acquire good skills.

Jobs are acquired in two ways:

1. The person has a skill that an employer is willing to pay for at the market rate.
2. You have an ‘in’ connection with an owner/employer.

I believe we can cultivate the second way to include all our students. They should never feel like they don’t have a rich uncle to help them get a job when they need it the most.

Wishing I Had Enough Money to Be a Rich Uncle

Pay My Way: FLOP+S+B

I am more than convinced that some of my generation and the current crop of young people will go down in the annals of history as a group of very entitled and spoiled people. I'm sure most readers of my blog are aware of the prevailing custom that the chatan's family pays for FLOP (Flowers, Liquor, Orchestra, and Photography) when their son marries. Some have more recently added S (Sheitel(s)) to that list. Now I have learned a new letter is part of this alphabet soup. The letter of the day: B. Bochurim expect their transportation to a wedding be paid for. A poster at YWN has taken the time to inform the readership of this writing:

"I just wanted to point out to the YW readers, that when yeshiva bochurim come to a wedding (and there can be alot to go to, as they and all of their friends are in the parsha), they expect to be compensated for their travel costs. Before everyone starts jumping about this practice, I'm not endorsing it, but I just wanted to bring it to people's attention, as sometimes the uncomfortable situation arises when a bochur who doesn't have money expects his expenses to be paid for, and then by the wedding he is told to fly a kite. The matter only gets more complicated if other bochurim hitch a ride from one who is stuck with the bill (and he doesn't know their names or #s)."

One commentor that writes "How about the boys give a gift instead of exercising their outsized sense of entitlement." Funny how the girls are expected to give a gift and contribute to a wedding shower for their high school classmates and the boys are asking to have their transportation paid for.

But another commentor thinks the others are too hard on the bochurim. She writes, "My son's friend got married in Chicago recently and provided him and 8 other bachurim with tickets to fly in to the wedding. My son said that was the best money that was spent at the wedding; to quote: 'Ma, we didn't stop dancing for a minute. They didn't need fancy flowers or even food. We bachurim are the ones who made the wedding for the chassan.' So, when you look at it in this way, the car fare for bachurim to come to an out-of-town wedding should be included in the wedding expenses."

I can't help but let out a sigh. It seems that a group of young boys are suffering from a large ego trip. Furthermore the mother reminds us that these boys need a helping hand because they are also dating and that is expensive, "i.e. renting cars, paying for drinks, and of course, paying the dry cleaning bill so the suit they danced in at those weddings is presentable at the date." Someone (perhaps the parents who are really paying for the date from behind the scenes) should give these boys a budget and directions to the local Starbucks or ice cream parlor.

Sometimes when we receive an invitation for an anniversary party or even a second wedding a note is attached "Your presence is your gift." Perhaps the parents of the chatan should attach such a note to the invitations of the bochurim lest they get presented with the bill.

Life Insurance and the Kollel Family

Hat Tip: Charlie Hall

Yeshiva World News has an interesting article about a new life insurance program for the yungerleit of the Lakewood Yeshiva. As a group they face a very significant problem obtaining enough life insurance for their large families. They have no employer and therefore are not eligible to join in on a company plan and underwriting a significant plan for a student is not normal procedure. The maximum amount of coverage an average kollel husband is eligible for is $250,000 and under.

Thanks to the tireless work of one particularly dedicated man, a retired insurance agent Mr. Markowitz, a new plan is being implemented which looks to be a fantastic bargain. Beis Medrash Gohova will serve as the guarantor for a life insurance plan of $500,000 per eligible yungerman (full time, below the age of 50). The cost of the plan is $295 a year. If a husband joins up now, he will not have to undergo standard medical testing or financial disclosures. The plan is portable or 2 years after leaving the Yeshiva, albeit with a reduced death benefit of $300,000.

The biggest hurdle at this point will be getting 2/3rds (yes two-thirds) of the students to join by July 30. If 2/3rds don't join, no one can benefit from this plan. And, based on the massive amount of mailings that seem to land in my own mailbox and in the mailbox of other Orthodox Jews throughout the world, I would say that when a member of the klal takes out a sufficient life insurance plan that we ALL become beneficiaries of such. The strain that is placed on the Jewish community from death of a parent is significant.

We have chatted about "help" or "support" on this blog. My last installment on such an item had to do with couples who hate the "strings" that come attached with support. I have countered that of course help comes attached with strings, that is the nature of the relationship. I don't think the Lakewood crowd and those who "help" (parents, grandparents) read my blog. But if they do, I would recommend that parents do attach strings to their help and require their children/grandchildren to maintain sufficient insurance as a condition of support.

Which brings me to my next subject: those supporting the talmidim, both the wives and the grandparents.

The article referenced states "the importance of coverage for mothers, particularly if they are also breadwinners, cannot be overlooked." Let's face it (!) in kollel circles the wives are the primary income earners, although not always the primary financial supporters. I'm not going to dance around this fact even though the article does make a little quickstep over this fact.

In the case of a kollel family the roles are reversed and pretending otherwise is just silly. The wives should be carrying a policy that a "traditional" husband would carry and the husbands-say 1 mil- and the husbands should be carrying a policy your average homemaker would be carrying-say one-quarter mil. In the case of rapidly growing families, much more is needed, hence the need to move the husbands from $250,000 to $500,000. But should a wife, chas v'shalom, die early, it is absolutely imperative that she be covered because the loss of her income and the loss of her services combined with the possibility that the husband cannot enter the job market without training and/or schooling and the very likely possibility that many of their children will need a lot of outside care and support during this major transition will leave the family in terrible, terrible bind and, yes, possibly a worse (financial) bind than if the father were to pass untimely, G-d have mercy.

And now for the last life insurance topic. . . . what about grandparents and life insurance? My rule of thumb for insurance is that if someone is counting on your monthly income, you should be maintaining proper insurance coverage. In the Orthodox world, so many children and grandchildren are dependent to some degree or another on their own parents and even grandparents. I have no idea if those parents are still carrying their life insurance policies, but it seems to me that it is probably a good idea to maintain that coverage although it it is prohibitively expensive in your 50's and 60's. But I could easily see the fiscal ruin that could ensue if parents supporting a couple and their children (or perhaps many couples and their children) were to pass. Parents whose children are independent may not need to worry about life insurance for the sake of their children. But I'd say that parents whose children/grandchildren are dependent might be wise to find that money for the premiums.

I'm ready to hear all of your thoughts, especially since life insurance isn't my area of expertise. And I'm hoping to hear that 2/3's of the students signed up. To jump through as many hoops as Mr. Markowitz jumped through only to experience failure would be quite discouraging. Should the plan succeed, I hope those with the expertise in insurance will work to bring such a plan to other communities.