Hat Tip: Jeremy
I thought I'd seen it all vis a vis entitlement, but THIS tops it all. I'm glad I'm not a social worker with a column in the Five Towns Jewish Times because it would be near impossible for me to maintain any civility towards a wife whose maturation process apparently ended around the terrible twos.
This wife of 10 years and 4 children is beyond petty and vindictive. She doesn't want to go to her in-laws for Shabbat or yom tov because they don't give, give, give to her, her, her. She writes, "I don’t think they deserve to enjoy our company. They haven’t earned it." She is mad as could be because her mother-in-law spends money on nice things for herself instead of skimping and giving that money to her and the grandchildren. This is contrary to her own parents habits. While they are not well-off and always look for a bargain, when it comes to their own children and grandchildren "only the best will do." The wife complains that her husband "doesn’t really see what’s wrong with this situation."
She complains that they can't make it without help because her 5 Towns home, purchased 2 years ago at the height of the market, taxes, and tuitions are out of control. And she wants what "everyone" else has: someone else to pick up the tab.
If she wrote me I would have told her that I think it is a miracle that her husband hasn't divorced her!
The columnist writes:
In many circles today, the focus for many young adults is strictly on getting married, and they let the parents figure out who will take care of what bills. I think that we need to step back and ask ourselves whether this is fair to the parents. Some of them have struggled all their lives to manage their affairs, only to finally arrive at a stage of life where their children are grown and moving out of the house. Is it so terrible if they begin to finally stop working so hard and begin to think about themselves for a change?
Are these parents not entitled to take care of themselves and enjoy a little? Is it selfish for such a mother to finally splurge on herself in a way that was previously not possible? Or should this mother continue to deny herself for the sake of her grown and married children and grandchildren? I’m sure there are differing opinions in answer to these questions.
Differing opinions? Perhaps amongst adolescents, 2-year olds, and grandparents who have issues with their grown children being adults and like to experience feeling of martyrdom.
And quite frankly, I think it is irresponsible for parents to exhaust their own resources propping up a generation that not only can't support itself, but refuses to do so. Kol hakavod to this "stingy" mother-in-law who is treating herself, rather that throwing her money down a black hole.
The columnist also writes: "However, if a young couple is fortunate enough to have one or two sets of in-laws who are capable and willing to help out, they are indeed very blessed."
Personally, I beg to differ. While I don't oppose parents assisting adult children (see Better and Worse Ways to Help Adult Children), I don't see any "blessing" this daughter and wife has received from her parents. While they have made sure that she has "only the best," her husband gets to put up with the temper tantrums, pettiness, and selfishness.
I will say this. . . . . . . after we are done raising children and getting them on their own two feet so they can do the same for their own children, I plan to spend some on us and I won't feel a bit guilty!