Update: A commentor suggested a very nice text for a Halloween letter to trick-or-treaters that will be adopted. Just wanted to make sure that hit the text of this post.
Seems the J-blogs are all discussing what to do about Halloween. For the past decade and a half, I can't recall seeing any trick-or-treaters. Maybe neighborhood trick-or-treating is reclaiming popularity. Honestly, I wouldn't know. I get the feeling that the non-Jewish children in my heavily Orthodox neighborhood head to the mall for a more sanitized version of trick-or-treating.
Amongst the suggestions of how to deal with Halloween is this one which appeared on Hirhurim/Torah Musings. I have to say, it floored me. Here is the posted letter and my response, which I hope I kept respectful because clearly the Rav who employs this method is a far more refined and learned than I will ever be:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTENTION
ALL TRICK OR TREATERS!!!!
Instead of taking money to buy candy and treats to give to all of you, our family takes that money and gives it to an organization which takes care of poor and sick children.
We do this because we want to help other wonderful kids who are not as lucky as you because they don’t have enough money to buy fun things (like Halloween costumes), because they are sick, or because their parents don’t live with them anymore.
For each kid that signs below, we will give $3 to help poor and sick children. The more kids who sign, the more money we give, so please sign!
THE [Name deleted] FAMILY
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
With all due deference, I find the letter to be rather patronizing, to say nothing of insulting. Unless I am mistaken, those who live amongst us see our children dressed in their costumes on Purim and delivering massive quantities of nosh in fancy baskets. They might see our children hopping from Sukkah to Sukkah where they are plied with sweets. Perhaps they see our kids collecting from the shul candy man weekly. Certainly they see us celebrating our holidays and Sabbath in style, from bringing home treats to dressing up in pricey clothing, shoes, and accessories. They may well work for kosher caterers, kosher groceries, or in kosher bakeries, which would make them well aware of our consumption habits. . . habits they likely could never emulate.
To write a letter informing the children/parents that you have no interest in giving them a measly Hershey's Kiss or two because they are lucky enough to have been able to afford a costume and there are children starving in Africa doesn't strike me as an effective way to educate others about the importance of tzedakah. (And, who is to say that the trick-or-treating children come from intact families? Who is to say that they have enough food on their tables just because they are wearing a costume? (L'havdil) On Purim, when a person asks for tzedakah, do we tell them they must not be in need because their child has a costume on which must have cost money? I think a touch of dan l'chaf zechut might be helpful here.)
Many charities use Halloween as a time to promote their charity. I can't imagine any of them saying, don't spend $5-$20 on candy because there are children starving in Africa.
Perhaps I'm just in a bad mood, but so long as my children get to enjoy the ridiculous amounts of candy and junk, guilt-free, at Shabbat kiddushes, Sukkah Hops, and Purim parties, I have a hard time viewing such a notice as anything but insulting. I'd say that if one is so inclined to acknowledge Halloween, why not let the cute clowns, babies, princesses, ballerinas, Buzz Lightyears, and Superheros have their lolly pops, mini-candy bars, and kisses without a big show. If you have a cause close to your heart, do as some of my non-Jewish friends do, and attach a note to the candy that support military vets, medical research, or cancer patients. If you are not inclined to acknowledge Halloween, turn off the lights and refrain from any participation.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
41 comments:
Very well said.
If you are going to give candy, leave the light on.
If you are not going to give candy, leave the light off.
How hard is this to get?
Exactly, Dave. This is the method my parents have used for years, and they're not even "religious."
You said it beter than I did. Kol HaKavod.
Insulting, mean-spirited, ignorant, self-righteous and smug.
Some people have never heard the phrase "lighten up, Dude."
Wasn't there a story floating around about Rav yaakov Kamenetsky ZTL giving some kids candy on Halloween when they knocked on his door? Not sure if it is an urban legend.
YES!
Good for you.
I don't understand this pathological need some in the frum world have to go completely out of their way to show they don't support anything remotely non-Jewish. This is a prime example. Halloween is not a religious holiday - at the very least, dressing up and going door to door is not a religious ritual of any sort. It's just something fun for kids. And having little kids show up at your door and yell "trick or treat" while you give them some 10 cent candy is cute and part of being a good neighbor, not engaging in avodah zara or whatever.
It's small things like this that cause friction between communities. And all over maybe $10 worth of candy.
I almost never post comments on blogs, but I have to say, very well written. Perfectly put.
I agree, wholeheartedly.
I also don't see trick-or-treaters much. Though I do occasionally see groups of roaming teenager later at night, and try to avoid going out if possible.
Ten years ago, a group of kids knocked on our door. I apoligized for not having candy, smiled at them, and wished them a good night. And that was all.
I liked your message and the way you said it.
I particularly appreciated your ability to think through how we appear to others.
Sadly, chareidi trends have included various forms of acute social stupidity- an inability to comprehend how our actions play in Peoria, an inability to appreciate and empathize with decent folks who happen not to be like us.
Until sanity is restored, reading your blog should be mandatory.
Even if our own children did not get to enjoy the ridiculous amounts of candy and junk, guilt-free, at Shabbat kiddushes, Sukkah Hops, and Purim parties, this Rabbi's approach to trick or treating is still patronizing and insulting. If he doesn't want to be neighborly and give children a smile and a piece of chocolate, its far better to do nothing.
The note was sanctimonious and condescending and totally inappropriate. Designed to inculcate guilt in children (at least those old enough to read). Unneighborly. Displays a discomfort with people who are not like oneself, an inability to figure out how to comport oneself with one's non-Jewish neighbors. At one spectrum we have Jews who are totally assimilated, and at the other we have Yidden who are so unassimilated that they are socially inept outside their own community.
Yerachmiel Lopin,
Thank you for your kind words. Just a note on the Rabbi. He is not at all Chareidi and I'm not sure we can accuse this of being a Chareidi trend making its way into more modern Orthodox circles. I can't imagine the yeshiva Rabbis in my own community doing anything but turning out the lights or giving out a little candy with a smile (that is, if there were trick-or-treaters coming through the neighborhood).
Certainly many like to talk the talk about Halloween having a "middos issue" where kids are going collecting demanding a treat. I see no pressing need to get worked up about such a custom. Honestly, we have too many of our own issues and unhealthy ways of dealing with life and money (far more costly too) for me to get worked up about the 7 and 8 year olds dressing up as clowns and pumpkins and collecting a few treats from the neighbors. In small towns, especially, these things are just as much fun for the little ones as for the adults who get to be neighborly and meet the kids and enjoy seeing the little ones dressed as clowns and pumpkins.
I spent enough of my younger years feeling offended by people's holiday celebrations. At this point, I choose to make our chagim as fun as possible for my own kids, and see no reason to reign in on someone else's parade. In fact, I will probably stop by the drug store on Sunday morning to get some candy should some little pumpkin come to my door for a treat. My children are very satisfied with all of their rituals and can handle seeing others enjoying their day of dressing up and getting a few treats. My kids are excited to preview the Purim costumes and pick up inexpensive candy for mishloach manot on November 1. No need to insult and patronize others.
Anonymous above and above that-agreed.
Since the local custom is that you give candy to any child that asks in America on Oct 31st, and this gentlemen is taking that candy away from the children to give to Tzedakah seems a bit like "stealing" to me... especially if cutting someone off in traffic is "stealing..."
I guess it's not stealing if you put a sign that says, I've already taken away your candy, sign here and I'll give something to tzedakah.
That's my halachic concern with his behavior.
On a personal level, it's obnoxious, condescending, self righteous obnoxious behavior...
And since this anti-Halloween hysteria is a Christian Fundamentalist behavior, isn't this adopting gentile customs? Halloween is a harmless non religious American holiday, but anti-Halloween is a religious practice of a few fundamentalist sects...
Great minds think alike, Sephardi Lady. I hadn't yet read your blog when I posted a question on my FB page about this practice. I'll put up a link to it there.
SL - For the past decade and a half, I can't recall seeing any trick-or-treaters.
Maybe they were playing Halloween on their PS-2, Xbox, etc. I suppose this year they can download the Halloween app on their iTouch, etc.
I think I can see the point of the Rabbi. After all, what better way to declare that "I am holier than thou" than by saying instead of giving candy, I am giving charity (except for every shabbat party on Fridays, shabbat at meals and at shul, Purim, Simchat Torah, every brit milah, every shalom zachor, every bar and bat mitzvah, every wedding, etc).
Sephardic Lady,
I agree with everything you said except the buying of Halloween candy for mishloah manot. Come on, October candy for a March holiday?! Don't you know the rule of every frugal frum shopper: 1/2 price Halloween candy for Hanukkah parties, 1/2 price Valentines Day candy for Purim, and 1/2 price Easter candy for post-Pesach maimuna.
JDUB can you point me to a source for where onions are still considered sharp after they are cooked? I've not come across that in my studies.
Julie-You are making me laugh. Seriously, candy doesn't last too long in our home. So, you are correct. We will be using our 1/2 priced candy (plus coupons) for other things.
http://matzav.com/rav-and-rebbetzin-pam-and-holloween
This Sunday, October 31, is Halloween. The following inspiring story from Rabbi Akiva Males of Harrisburg, PA, demonstrates that if we are to be light unto the nations, then the nations must have a positive opinion of us. The behavior of Rav Pam and his wife, Rebbetzin Sarah, was because they clearly understood this.
Rabbi Males related:
“My father-in-law studied in Rav Pam’s shiur in Mesivta Torah Vodaas for several years back in the 1960s.
“When my wife’s older sister became engaged in the 1990s, my in-laws took my (future) sister-in-law and my (future) brother-in-law over to meet Rav and Rebbitzen Pam and receive their bracha and good wishes.
“What’s the most vivid memory they all have of that evening?
“It was October 31st. In contrast to the many Jewish homes around the Pams who had turned off their lights to discourage trick-or-treaters, the Pams left their front light on.
“While they all chatted with Rav Pam in the dining room, his Rebbitzen was in the kitchen working the hot-air popcorn popper and preparing plastic baggies of popcorn to give out with a smile to all the local non-Jewish kids who knocked at their door.
“They all left that night with numerous smiles, brachos, and best wishes from Rav Pam and his Rebbitzen - but what they all remember most is the powerful lesson the Pams taught them about interacting with their neighbors.”
{Dovid Bernstein-Matzav.com Newscenter}
Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to comment on my suggestion. Since not everyone on this blog may have seen my original pieces, please note that it started off by referring to a halachic analysis of participating in Halloween-related activities by R. Michael Broyde; you can read his piece at http://www.tfdixie.com/special/thanksg.htm#A10. His analysis is too large for this comment although I encourage people to read it. His conclusion is:
Applying these halachic rules to Halloween leads to the conclusion that participation in Halloween celebrations -- which is what collecting candy is when one is wearing a costume -- is prohibited. Halloween, since it has its origins in a pagan practice, and lacks any overt rationale reason for its celebration other than its pagan origins or the Catholic response to it, is governed by the statement of Rabbi Isserless that such conduct is prohibited as its origins taint it. (76) One should not send one's children out to trick or treat on Halloween, or otherwise celebrate the holiday.
The question of whether one can give out candy to people who come to the door is a different one, as there are significant reasons based on darchai shalom (the ways of peace), eva (the creation of unneeded hatred towards the Jewish people) and other secondary rationales that allow one to distribute candy to people who will be insulted or angry if no candy is given. This is even more so true when the community -- Jewish and Gentile -- are unaware of the halachic problems associated with the conduct, and the common practice even within many Jewish communities is to "celebrate" the holiday. Thus, one may give candy to children who come to one's house to "trick or treat" if one feels that this is necessary.
[continued in next comment]
[continued from above]
And now, a few of my own thoughts:
May those who follow the ma’aseh rav of R. Pam, R. Leibowitz and R. Kaminetsky, zt”l, by giving out candy to trick-or-treaters be blessed for their fidelity to their teachers’ values, hanhagot and pesakim. However, other contemporary poskim have strict views similar to those of Rabbi Broyde, whose article I cited. Yesterday, for example, I happened to be with Rabbi Mordechai Willig at YU on an unrelated rabbinic matter and I asked him for this thoughts about Halloween. His view was that trick-or-treating and distributing candy on Halloween are both prohibited, for much the same reasons as R. Broyde discusses. Although I did not show him the exact wording of my sign, he liked the general idea. He was astonished to hear that R. Pam and other greats gave out candy on Halloween or participated in Halloween in any way at all. Eilu v’eilu would seem to be the proper approach to this machloket ha’poskim.
If one lives in a neighborhood where there are trick-or-treaters and they (and often their parents) decide which houses or apartments to approach depending on whether it looks like someone is home and it is not possible, for whatever reason, to extinguish all of one’s lights for several hours on Halloween eve, then trick-or-treaters will come to the door. If one holds that giving them candy is assur or not preferred halachically, then what to do?
Not coming to the door is very un-neighborly because they can see people are home. In thinking back on how I developed this sign, I remembered that it was partly to deal with my then young children. They were part of the reason we couldn’t turn off the lights and pretend we weren’t home (bedtime, dinner, etc.) and it was they who got all excited when the neighborhood kids kept ranging the doorbell every few minutes. In those days, we lived in an apartment and leaving the lights off wouldn't have helped, either. Neither were we blessedby the more recent practice of some apartment buildings requiring residents to sign up if they want trick-or-treaters to come to their door; they just came. The sign let my kids run to the door and enjoy the excitement but gave them a nice mitzvah to do, instead.
Over the years, some trick-or-treaters have walked away disappointed since they didn’t get candy or don’t “get” it, many sign quite happily. We’ve received nice comments from their parents over the years, too, but not one egg.
Regarding the text of note, I can certainly understand why some are put off by it. I’ll try to improve the wording this year and appreciate the comments. Keep in mind, though, that the intended audience are simple little kids who’ve just learned how to read, not sophisticated adults. If one chooses to use the sign idea, then the wording needs to be very simple and direct so they can understand it.
A great Shabbat to one and all!
Barry Kornblau
And now, a few of my own thoughts:
May those who follow the ma’aseh rav of R. Pam, R. Leibowitz and R. Kaminetsky, zt”l, by giving out candy to trick-or-treaters be blessed for their fidelity to their teachers’ values, hanhagot and pesakim. However, other contemporary poskim have strict views similar to those of Rabbi Broyde, whose article I cited. Yesterday, for example, I happened to be with Rabbi Mordechai Willig at YU on an unrelated rabbinic matter and I asked him for this thoughts about Halloween. His view was that trick-or-treating and distributing candy on Halloween are both prohibited, for much the same reasons as R. Broyde discusses. Although I did not show him the exact wording of my sign, he liked the general idea. He was astonished to hear that R. Pam and other greats gave out candy on Halloween or participated in Halloween in any way at all. Eilu v’eilu would seem to be the proper approach to this machloket ha’poskim.
If one lives in a neighborhood where there are trick-or-treaters and they (and often their parents) decide which houses or apartments to approach depending on whether it looks like someone is home and it is not possible, for whatever reason, to extinguish all of one’s lights for several hours on Halloween eve, then trick-or-treaters will come to the door. If one holds that giving them candy is assur or not preferred halachically, then what to do?
Not coming to the door is very un-neighborly because they can see people are home. In thinking back on how I developed this sign, I remembered that it was partly to deal with my then young children. They were part of the reason we couldn’t turn off the lights and pretend we weren’t home (bedtime, dinner, etc.) and it was they who got all excited when the neighborhood kids kept ranging the doorbell every few minutes. In those days, we lived in an apartment and leaving the lights off wouldn't have helped, either. Neither were we blessedby the more recent practice of some apartment buildings requiring residents to sign up if they want trick-or-treaters to come to their door; they just came. The sign let my kids run to the door and enjoy the excitement but gave them a nice mitzvah to do, instead.
Over the years, some trick-or-treaters have walked away disappointed since they didn’t get candy or don’t “get” it, many sign quite happily. We’ve received nice comments from their parents over the years, too, but not one egg.
Regarding the text of note, I can certainly understand why some are put off by it. I’ll try to improve the wording this year and appreciate the comments. Keep in mind, though, that the intended audience are simple little kids who’ve just learned how to read, not sophisticated adults. If one chooses to use the sign idea, then the wording needs to be very simple and direct so they can understand it.
A great Shabbat to one and all!
Barry Kornblau
Rabbi Kornblau,
Thank you for taking the time to respond to all the blogs who carried your suggestion. Unlike others, I don't have any issues with non-participation and I understand the need to be practical, although we simply don't have to "deal" with the holiday since I haven't been trick-or-treated from in years.
What I do think all of us do need to be aware of is that our non-Jewish (and non-Orthodox) neighbors do notice (and wonder about) our consumption habits and our socialization habits. That is why I think the text of the letter is ill-advised because of what it says and how it could be perceived (not so much by the young one's, but by the parents and even older children).
Telling kids how lucky they are is overstepping a boundary in my opinion. For all we know, the kids stopping by might not be so lucky in life. They might be sick. There might be financial problems at home. The parents might be fighting.
Since you are so kind as to engage in conversation, I think that the saying "less is more" might be the way to approach a letter.
Dear Rabbi Kornblau: I want to offer my apologies for one of the harsh anonymous comments. You obviously meant well. Unfortunately, good intentions don't always present that way. May I humbly suggest an alternative note along the lines of the following:
Dear Neighbor: Thank you for your visit. I do not have candy, but in honor of your visiting my home, I would like to make a gift to help other children. If you write your name below, I will make a donation in your name to [fill in name of non-sectarian children's charity, such as a local children's hospital or a prgram that helps homeless children]. Thank you for helping me to help other children.
Dear Anonymous,
I like the text of your note better. I think we'll use it this year unless the Mrs. and I can figure out a way to get out the house with all the kids so we don't have to be bothered with the whole thing and can just leave our lights off. May I post it over at Hirhurim?
Thanks!
Dear Orthonomics,
I only responded to this blog and Hirhurim. I saw that Harry Maryles also posted a critique but his blog doesn't accept comments so I couldn't reply. Did I miss somewhere else?
Separately, if you wouldn't mind dropping me an email (r a b b i @ y i h o l l i s h i l l s . o r g), I'd appreciate it. Thanks so much.
Shavua Tov!
"The sign let my kids run to the door and enjoy the excitement but gave them a nice mitzvah to do, instead."
What makes you think that giving charity for a holiday is less halachically problematic than giving candy?
Rabbi Kornblau-I attempted to send an email, but it bounced back. I just want to say that I hate posting rough commentary, so I hope no one was hurt as I do get passionate about the topics I do tend to touch.
I don't know that anyone except R. Gil Student and Harry Maryles commented. You can post a comment on Haemtza, they just don't go up in real time since he moderates comments.
I am very impressed that the Rabbi took the time to post over here and to reconsider the text of his note. What a wonderful example that we can all learn from. I'll consider that my halloween "treat."
I am the commenter who called Rabbi Kornblau's note "sanctimonious". I apologize for my overly critical tone, especially since his intent was to follow his Rav's guidance, and he has sincerely taken our suggestions to heart by responding as he has. I appreciate his remarks and his openness to new ideas.
Our proper role in Halloween is total non-participation, free of all explanations.
My neighborhood recieves a large number of trick-or-treaters every year (100 or more, and even more this year with it being a Sunday) , apparently because we're in a historically middle-class neighborhood surrounded by a sea of inner-city areas, and they know that we can afford to give treats.
"Vaguely threatening"? - no, at least not where I live. Sweet kids, ranging from toddlers with parents to mildy sullen teenagers, ranging from mildly polite ("thank you") to really sweet ("that's a nice skirt!" to my 9-year-old daughter).
Celebrating Halloween, which is not our holiday? Come on! I'm giving a bit of candy to poor kids of all ages who know nothing and care nothing about the historic origins of the day, and who are just going around dressed in some cute costume and expecting adults to help them fill their bags...this is as close as one can get to what we do on Purim with Shalch Manos - show some generosity and increase friendship between people.
The take-away for me and my kids? These folks with differently colored skin, who we usually encounter only through the locked doors and rolled-up glass of our minivan, are normal, sweet children and adults who have expereinces similar to our Purm and who can safely be regarded as fellow human beings.
So please, quit it with the increasingly extreme and self-righteous inventions in our communities.
Our proper role in Halloween is total non-participation, free of all explanations.
Non-participation is one thing; non-acknowledgment is another. It's moronic to pretend things that are obviously happening are not taking place.
Now that Halloween is over and done with for another year, thoughts turn to another goyish custom coming up all too soon. You know what I'm talking about. Here is my Public Confession: When we were children, my parents celebrated (gasp!) Thanksgiving. There! I've said it. We were a totally Shomer Shabbos family, went to day schools, and my mother served turkey with all the trimmings on that Thursday. Let me assure you though that this was the early 60's, a less enlightened age. (We also went to see The Sound of Music and Mary Poppins at the movie theater, another shocking confession.) Now that members of my family are musmachim of Mir and kollel yungeleit in Lakewood, if this information got out about Thanksgiving, much less Mary Poppins, it would ruin the shidduch prospects of our children. When I speak of our checkered past with my Lakewood sister, we do so in hushed tones, privately, and refer to it as "Hakaras Hatov Day", so as to remove the goyish aura that surrounds that Norman Rockwellian possibly pagan rite. Nonetheless, I must remain Anonymous so as not to cause shame to my frum (from birth!) family.
Every year we hear about how the Rav ended shiur early on Thanksgiving day to return to Boston for the turkey dinner, and this year the story about Rav Pam making Halloween popcorn made the rounds, but nothing seems to stop the community on its rightward slide... because we all know better now :(
Kornblau doesn't get it, the revised letter is no better. "We don't have candy"??? You knew 10/31 was coming for a whole year. The grocery stores have candy on mega-sale. How often do you get to make a kiddush hashem with dozens of goyim, to give them a real smile and show them you appreciate their cute costumed kids ... ? They can see the mezuzah on your door, right? And you know what, this same crap is what is going on now between Yidden on Purim. We rarely get mshloach manos anymore, we get little postcards with a note that a dollar was given to a shul I don't even belong to. How about doing some real chesed for a change? You can't buy chesed for money regardless of how worthy the cause. R''L, we can give money away, but we can't even bring ourselves to give to our neighbors?! At least the goyim get it right once a year. What a dysfunctional society we have become.
Here's a little history. Until "Trick or Treat" was invented people awaited Halloween with trepidation. It was a day where "kids" felt it was okay to vandalize houses, throw rocks through the windows, light fires, egg porches, spill creams and paints and etc. Whole towns burned on this day.
When the concept of "Trick or Treat" came along it became "here take some candy so please don't vandalize my home." Everyone happily went along, because it's so much easier to spend a few dollars on candy than deal with the "Tricks" the next day.
A few years ago our neighbor refused to open the door for kids and ended up with a porch full of shaving cream. Not everyone is oblivious to the real reason behind the custom.
All of you who are quoting halocha about the holiday miss the point that giving out candy is not a celebration of a holiday but a simple pay off in exchange for a clean house.
mlevin,
Only problem with that viewpoint...
Mischief night vandalism was a big problem in the United States mid-Atlantic states region.
Trick-or-Treating evolved on the United States West Coast and spread to the east after WW2.
Without getting into the fantasies of old world Pagan rituals related to this day that are popular with Evangelical Christians and Orthodox Jews, any connections between Trick or Treating and Mischief Night seem to be mostly coincidence.
As the post-television unified American culture took hold, two generations of Americans grew up with the harmless trick or treating custom, which combined with active policing basically snuffed out mischief night.
OTOH, to someone who grew in New Jersey, it would be easy to combine these actions in their own mind and see Trick or Treating as a quid pro quo to not pull a "trick" as in destructive pranking.
There probably is some Spanish Day of the Dead inspiration in American trick or treating, but it is actually a separate historical evolution from the mischief night terrorizing of the east coast in the early 20th century.
Miami Al, I don't know where mischief night came from, and it's irrelevant to this discussion. The original point was that there are people who equate giving candy on Oct 31 with Avodah Zara. But since candy giving is a bribe it should be obvious that it is totally mutar to give out candy to Trick or Treaters.
Post a Comment