Since it is that time of the year again (yes, once again I'm behind on mishloach manot), I thought I'd share a few of my own frugality tips while the cookies bake. My kids are funny, they live with the chagim year round, unlike their mother who is thinking, is [insert holiday] really coming?
The day of Purim is when I start thinking about summer and next Purim. All of those packages are art projects in the making. Crafts aren't my strength, but Purim usually leaves us with enough stuff to make some craft projects. I nab the clean plates, tissue paper, and whatever other items look like they could be reused for an art project.
We are always grateful to our friends who bring us mishloach manot in a snack box. My kids each have their own box in the pantry for keeping the snacks they pick up here and there. Boxes get worn out, so Purim has become the time that we replace our boxes where feasible. Any plastic containers and baskets I keep for organizing my own kitchen and pantry.
Purim bags and containers are placed in a box for upcoming Purims. While I tend to package our mishloach manot in a somewhat uniform way, the bags and boxes I'm able to salvage are wonderful for the children to make some packages for their own friends.
We split up fresh baked goods for lunches and snacks. Unwanted candies are great for the candy dish at work, but it has been a while since I have worked in a regular office. When I taught Sunday school, I used to bring treats for the kids. Since we sell chametz, I try to save the majority of the packaged snacks and juice boxes for our summer outings. Any kosher l'pesach items are rinsed and put away with our Pesach things to make their reappearance later. My kids like to pour their own grape juice, so if we receive mini grape juice containers, I put them away for the kids to make their own kiddush. They can be refilled easily.
Speaking of summer, this summer I'd like to try and make our Purim packaging in way in advance. The first half of the year is the most busy for me work wise and every year I find myself rushing to get the baking done. The kids are always excited to color the packages, but they don't have the attention span to sit down and get the job done. So, I'm considering getting a start in the summer and having the kids to a little bit by bit. Upper West Side Mom has a neat packaging project up. I don't drink coffee, but I think we can find something usable and get a head start this summer.
If you have any great Purim tips, please share. And a Happy Purim to all my great readers. We all know what chag is coming next, even if we are still in denial. Guest posts on Orthonomic Pesach subjects are always welcome.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Student Loans: A Tremendous Burden
Hat Tip: A long reader and commentor, feel free to self identify
The Wall Street Journal online edition has an article posted with the title "The $555,000 Student-Loan Burden." The case presented is most certainly extreme, but demonstrative of the tremendous burden that student loans can be, especially when you don't read the fine print. But even where you read the fine print, payments come due, income isn't always earned as planned, and life gets in the way. It was nice to see an article call these loans "one of the most toxic debts" because student loans are often labelled as "good debt" and many people don't consider other options in the face of student loans.
But the structure of the debt is anything but "good." It is near impossible to discharge the debt, or even renegotiate it, something that can be done regarding other debts that do not get discharged in bankruptcy, such as debts to the IRS. The article quotes a figure that absolutely floors me: only 40% of student loan debt is being actively repaid. The remaining debt is in default, deferment, or forbearance.
I think that many people would make different decisions regarding paying for college if they didn't view student loans as a first option. It is no secret that I don't like student loans. I see too many people being crushed by student debt. In the frum community, the burden of K-12 tuition is putting a tremendous strain upon parents, leaving little money to work with come college. This is quite problematic as young families often are dealing with a tremendous debt burden for college tuition (often compounded by other debt run up in addition to the student loans) and the burden of their own children's tuition and/or childcare.
I'd like to hear from my readers who student loan debt is affecting you? Was the debt you took out an active choice or a more passive one? What, if anything would you do differently? And what are your plans in terms of funding an education for your own children?
The Wall Street Journal online edition has an article posted with the title "The $555,000 Student-Loan Burden." The case presented is most certainly extreme, but demonstrative of the tremendous burden that student loans can be, especially when you don't read the fine print. But even where you read the fine print, payments come due, income isn't always earned as planned, and life gets in the way. It was nice to see an article call these loans "one of the most toxic debts" because student loans are often labelled as "good debt" and many people don't consider other options in the face of student loans.
But the structure of the debt is anything but "good." It is near impossible to discharge the debt, or even renegotiate it, something that can be done regarding other debts that do not get discharged in bankruptcy, such as debts to the IRS. The article quotes a figure that absolutely floors me: only 40% of student loan debt is being actively repaid. The remaining debt is in default, deferment, or forbearance.
I think that many people would make different decisions regarding paying for college if they didn't view student loans as a first option. It is no secret that I don't like student loans. I see too many people being crushed by student debt. In the frum community, the burden of K-12 tuition is putting a tremendous strain upon parents, leaving little money to work with come college. This is quite problematic as young families often are dealing with a tremendous debt burden for college tuition (often compounded by other debt run up in addition to the student loans) and the burden of their own children's tuition and/or childcare.
I'd like to hear from my readers who student loan debt is affecting you? Was the debt you took out an active choice or a more passive one? What, if anything would you do differently? And what are your plans in terms of funding an education for your own children?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Shameful
Again, really? Let the jury hear the evidence. But it is disturbing just how often some names seem to reappear. [Updated: Those with the patience can read through the case here. I've done some work in fraud. This one is really different imo].
.459 Blood Alcohol Level (for the math impaired, .08 and you can be arrested on a DUI in many states). And it isn't even Purim yet. The Rabbi has been charged with a misdemeanor. The Rabbi's lawyer says the number isn't accurate. Furthermore, the Rabbi and his wife claim they didn't know the kid was drinking until he threw up. Thankfully someone called EMS since this all happened on a Friday night. Just be glad he is alive. VIN commentors don't like the VIN headline: Child Drank To Unconsciousness At Rabbi's Friday Night Party. Perhaps you have to be a parent to understand.
Commentor #1 thinks "the man" is out to get the Rabbi. Commentor #2 recognizes that the readily available alcohol in campus Chabad houses is problematic. And commentor #8 says, hey that isn't a problem, no one would show up if there wasn't alcohol. I can think of at least one student from my alma mater who came to the Chabad House of Purim, saw the drinking going on by the teenagers in the community, and never returned. There are many campus outreach programs reaching students without the booze.
Meanwhile, Cross-Currents has Rabbi Shafran's response on the Martin Grossman campaign. I don't know if my comment will be published, but I think that the leaders at the Agudah should read every single comment on YWN, VIN, and Matzav. Perhaps they expressed the greatest sympathy for the Park family, but they need to educate themselves on what transpired due to this campaign because it is seriously shameful.
.459 Blood Alcohol Level (for the math impaired, .08 and you can be arrested on a DUI in many states). And it isn't even Purim yet. The Rabbi has been charged with a misdemeanor. The Rabbi's lawyer says the number isn't accurate. Furthermore, the Rabbi and his wife claim they didn't know the kid was drinking until he threw up. Thankfully someone called EMS since this all happened on a Friday night. Just be glad he is alive. VIN commentors don't like the VIN headline: Child Drank To Unconsciousness At Rabbi's Friday Night Party. Perhaps you have to be a parent to understand.
Commentor #1 thinks "the man" is out to get the Rabbi. Commentor #2 recognizes that the readily available alcohol in campus Chabad houses is problematic. And commentor #8 says, hey that isn't a problem, no one would show up if there wasn't alcohol. I can think of at least one student from my alma mater who came to the Chabad House of Purim, saw the drinking going on by the teenagers in the community, and never returned. There are many campus outreach programs reaching students without the booze.
Meanwhile, Cross-Currents has Rabbi Shafran's response on the Martin Grossman campaign. I don't know if my comment will be published, but I think that the leaders at the Agudah should read every single comment on YWN, VIN, and Matzav. Perhaps they expressed the greatest sympathy for the Park family, but they need to educate themselves on what transpired due to this campaign because it is seriously shameful.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Co-operatives and Hybrids
On Wednesday, I received two letters from parents asking me to do a post on co-operative arrangements A-SAP. Registrations have arrived in the mailbox and some parents are experiencing price-shock and some are wondering what options might be out there.
From the information I have gathered, cooperative schooling arrangements range in formality as well as price. There are many developed cooperative pre-schools throughout the nation. A quick google search for cooperative preschools will likely lead you to an already existing model in your area. Pricing structures may be based on level of parent participation. E.g., a parent who participates in the school on a bi-weekly basis will pay less than a conventional school. A parent who participates in the school on a weekly basis will pay significantly less than a conventional school. Cooperatives normally provide training to parents who assist in the classroom. The cooperative will hire an administrator, teachers, and some contracted specialists for music or dance.
The same model can be carried into the grade school and secondary school years. On occasion I heard of frum parents arranging a school with paid staff/tutors for their own children. Due to spare enrollments, there is little economy of scale and participation in such a school does not come free. However, in the cases I'm aware of, the price of such schooling has been competitive and the education is tailored to the individual students. Without greater participation it is difficult to sustain an arrangement like this. And such an arrangement may only be available for girls or boys.
Homeschooling Christian families have developed a number of cooperative arrangements for homeschoolers that are worth researching. I have found a number of these programs on line and I am only presenting two just to get the brains churning. The Heritage Homeschool Cooperative in Washington State has over 100 participating families. It meets every Wednesday from 9-2pm where four classes are offered. There is a tuition and materials fee. There are a variety of parent taught classes offered (here is a sample and interested readers can look at all the offerings on the website). Some classes are academic and homework is assigned. Other classes are more extracurricular. The school is K-12, but preschool classes are also offered which is nice for larger homeschooling families looking for a bit of a school experience.
A more formal and intense school experience can be had at a school such as Granite Classical. This school comes with a larger price tag, still a bargain. This particular schools meets twice a week where students are given a classical education (grammar, logic, rhetoric in all subject matter). The schooling days begins at 8:15am with chapel and core subjects end at 2PM and elective courses conclude at 4PM. Unlike cooperatives, where classes are parent lead, this school has a staff drawn (mostly) from outside its parent body. Staff members might be professional lawyers or engineers who look to share their knowledge. This particular school starts at the 3rd grade when children can read. Like other cooperatives, parents must participate in their children's education. I find this hybrid schooling model to be very attractive personally.
There are numerous sources online on parent participatory schooling models. It appears that many churches have been at the forefront of supporting the development of homeschooling and cooperative schooling models. I would recommend that any parents interested in such a model contact churches that host these groups and speak with founders and parents who are interested in sharing their knowledge first hand (perhaps in a neutral location such as a Starbucks). The internet has numerous articles and resources, but there is nothing like a face to face meeting to explore an option. On occasion I run into homeschooling families and have found them to be very willing and interested in sharing. Many of them belong to umbrella organizations which provide some extracurricular opportunities. You would be surprised to find out that many rec centers, gyms, and even businesses have extracurriculars geared towards homeschoolers in the early hours. I imagine that cooperative schooling parents would also be willing to share their experiences and thoughts on cooperative arrangements. I have discovered there is just about every type of cooperative and support model out there. There are homeschooling associations for African Americans, unschoolers, secular homeschoolers, Catholic homeschoolers (my good friend from growing up is a Catholic homeschooler and mom to many). Speaking of development, there are even buyers co-ops for materials.
For those ready to jump in with two feet who want to look at a Jewish model, there is a Los Angeles Yeshiva for boys which has Rebbes and offers a formal sedarim and supervised homeschooling through a charter school program. There is a group of Florida parents who formed a Jewish co-operative preschool and will be expanding their programming to the early elementary grades. The contact email and phone number for more information is in the linked post. The parents have been so kind as to share information with the readers of this blog and I'm sure they would be thrilled to be contacted. Both the Los Angeles Yeshiva and the Florida Cooperative are full time schools, rather than part time cooperatives. In the Florida cooperative the parents take care of the behind the scenes administration as well as some classroom support. Parents involved with the Florida cooperative are dual income in many cases.
Readers, the readers who wrote me regarding cooperatives would like the advice of all who have participated in cooperative agreements. They would like you to share your experiences, pros and cons. Additionally, they would be interested in some of the nitty gritty. Please participate if you have been a part of any cooperative arrangement from a cooperative camp to a cooperative preschool to a cooperative schooling arrangement. This is your chance to share your experiences.
In a future post I will hopefully present from pros and cons I've gleaned from different articles online, etc.
From the information I have gathered, cooperative schooling arrangements range in formality as well as price. There are many developed cooperative pre-schools throughout the nation. A quick google search for cooperative preschools will likely lead you to an already existing model in your area. Pricing structures may be based on level of parent participation. E.g., a parent who participates in the school on a bi-weekly basis will pay less than a conventional school. A parent who participates in the school on a weekly basis will pay significantly less than a conventional school. Cooperatives normally provide training to parents who assist in the classroom. The cooperative will hire an administrator, teachers, and some contracted specialists for music or dance.
The same model can be carried into the grade school and secondary school years. On occasion I heard of frum parents arranging a school with paid staff/tutors for their own children. Due to spare enrollments, there is little economy of scale and participation in such a school does not come free. However, in the cases I'm aware of, the price of such schooling has been competitive and the education is tailored to the individual students. Without greater participation it is difficult to sustain an arrangement like this. And such an arrangement may only be available for girls or boys.
Homeschooling Christian families have developed a number of cooperative arrangements for homeschoolers that are worth researching. I have found a number of these programs on line and I am only presenting two just to get the brains churning. The Heritage Homeschool Cooperative in Washington State has over 100 participating families. It meets every Wednesday from 9-2pm where four classes are offered. There is a tuition and materials fee. There are a variety of parent taught classes offered (here is a sample and interested readers can look at all the offerings on the website). Some classes are academic and homework is assigned. Other classes are more extracurricular. The school is K-12, but preschool classes are also offered which is nice for larger homeschooling families looking for a bit of a school experience.
A more formal and intense school experience can be had at a school such as Granite Classical. This school comes with a larger price tag, still a bargain. This particular schools meets twice a week where students are given a classical education (grammar, logic, rhetoric in all subject matter). The schooling days begins at 8:15am with chapel and core subjects end at 2PM and elective courses conclude at 4PM. Unlike cooperatives, where classes are parent lead, this school has a staff drawn (mostly) from outside its parent body. Staff members might be professional lawyers or engineers who look to share their knowledge. This particular school starts at the 3rd grade when children can read. Like other cooperatives, parents must participate in their children's education. I find this hybrid schooling model to be very attractive personally.
There are numerous sources online on parent participatory schooling models. It appears that many churches have been at the forefront of supporting the development of homeschooling and cooperative schooling models. I would recommend that any parents interested in such a model contact churches that host these groups and speak with founders and parents who are interested in sharing their knowledge first hand (perhaps in a neutral location such as a Starbucks). The internet has numerous articles and resources, but there is nothing like a face to face meeting to explore an option. On occasion I run into homeschooling families and have found them to be very willing and interested in sharing. Many of them belong to umbrella organizations which provide some extracurricular opportunities. You would be surprised to find out that many rec centers, gyms, and even businesses have extracurriculars geared towards homeschoolers in the early hours. I imagine that cooperative schooling parents would also be willing to share their experiences and thoughts on cooperative arrangements. I have discovered there is just about every type of cooperative and support model out there. There are homeschooling associations for African Americans, unschoolers, secular homeschoolers, Catholic homeschoolers (my good friend from growing up is a Catholic homeschooler and mom to many). Speaking of development, there are even buyers co-ops for materials.
For those ready to jump in with two feet who want to look at a Jewish model, there is a Los Angeles Yeshiva for boys which has Rebbes and offers a formal sedarim and supervised homeschooling through a charter school program. There is a group of Florida parents who formed a Jewish co-operative preschool and will be expanding their programming to the early elementary grades. The contact email and phone number for more information is in the linked post. The parents have been so kind as to share information with the readers of this blog and I'm sure they would be thrilled to be contacted. Both the Los Angeles Yeshiva and the Florida Cooperative are full time schools, rather than part time cooperatives. In the Florida cooperative the parents take care of the behind the scenes administration as well as some classroom support. Parents involved with the Florida cooperative are dual income in many cases.
Readers, the readers who wrote me regarding cooperatives would like the advice of all who have participated in cooperative agreements. They would like you to share your experiences, pros and cons. Additionally, they would be interested in some of the nitty gritty. Please participate if you have been a part of any cooperative arrangement from a cooperative camp to a cooperative preschool to a cooperative schooling arrangement. This is your chance to share your experiences.
In a future post I will hopefully present from pros and cons I've gleaned from different articles online, etc.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Grossman Circus: Kind or Cruel?
I wasn't planning on saying a word about the Grossman execution, but I cad hardly take it anymore. Starting on Wednesday or Thursday last week, I started to receive requests to sign the petition for the Florida Governor to grant clemency for Martin Grossman who had been sitting on death row for a quarter of a century. After a ridiculous amount of time, Grossman had exhausted appeals and the time to carry out the sentence was nearing. I was surprised to see how many known organizations, from the spectrum of Orthodoxy, had joined together in protest and the strength of the campaign certainly made me feel like I was doing something wrong by not penning the letter.. I am not a bold talk show host who throws out predictions, but I had some misgivings.
Shortly after the execution, a circus began confirming every single one of my misgivings and leaving me, and others, in pain.
My first concern was that the petitions were only giving the information they wanted to give. Turns out that information was withheld. I know of some people who sought advice and wrote letters that feel very duped. One person stated if he knew what he knew now, he would not have petitioned. Read Govenor Crist's statement:
On December 13, 1984, Mr. Grossman violated the terms of his probation by leaving Pasco County and having a stolen firearm in his possession. In a routine stop, Florida Fish and Wildlife Officer Margaret Park found the weapon. When she reached for the radio in her patrol car to report him, Mr. Grossman attacked her with her own large flashlight, beating her over the head and shoulders 20 to 30 times. When Officer Park tried to fight back, Mr. Grossman took her .357 Magnum revolver and shot her in the back of the head, killing her.
Mr. Grossman took several carefully planned steps to cover up this horrible crime. The weapon was buried, and Mr. Grossman attempted to burn his clothes and shoes, which were later disposed of in a nearby lake. The following day, Mr. Grossman thoroughly cleaned the van and changed its tires to mislead law enforcement.
Officer Park’s autopsy revealed lacerations on top of her head, hemorrhaging inside the scalp and extensive fracturing of the skull. All of these injuries resulted from Mr. Grossman’s attack. The facts of this crime clearly meet the definition of heinous, atrocious and cruel, and his actions afterward demonstrate his well-reasoned attempts to cover it up.
The defense being pushed by major Orthodox Jewish groups is that the death sentence was inappropriate because he was mentally deficient, a drug user, and had a very bad childhood. How many murderers are not at least one of the above, it not all of the above? This summary of the murder is sickening, and worst yet are the comments at YWN, VIN, MATZAV, and the letters that will soon come to other major Jewish publications. The comments being made about the Governor are especially sickening, and those disparaging the legal system that protects us are downright irresponsible.
Which brings me to my next concern: Why did the Jewish Organizations involved in this campaign seek the involvement of the Jewish public? I'm saying this as someone who is politically active and has intentions of becoming more politically active in the future. A mass campaign was asking for trouble. A number of years ago, I attended a meeting within the Jewish community where there was going to be a small push for greater funding for private schools. Those who came to the forum were able to meet with state and local politicians. I believe every politician there was Democrat and not particularly open to additional funding for private schools, and certainly not vouchers. After some nice back and forth, a hot tempered man in the community (a loose cannon by all means), attacked one of the female politicians shouting her down and accusing her of all sorts of things. I think nearly everyone was horrified as the scene developed for what felt like at least 10 minutes. I was waiting for one of our leaders to kindly escort this man out of the room to take a breath. He was doing our cause no favors! Spend a short amount of time on any Jewish news website, and it should be obvious that we have plenty of loose canons in our midst. Letters from the NCYI, or the OU, or the Aleph Institute, sent to the Governor's Office would have made the point that they wanted made without the embarrassment that transpired.
It has been reported that Ms. Park's mother was harrassed by people in the Jewish community. While everyone pats their back for their rachmanus, I am horrified. I don't know the extend of the harassment, but this is certainly an example of being cruel to the kind! I am not going to speculate if the rachmanut for Mr. Grossman was misplaced, but I do believe that this massive effort has been completely cruel to the Park family, from the calls (of hopefully only a few) to the comments that are being made all over the news sites and blogs. Even in the stories where Ms. Park's mother expresses her feelings, people have the audacity to rub salt in her wounds by accusing her of being revengeful and asking if she would support the death penality had her child murdered. Her child did not murder. This is shameful. This is painful. This is not rachmanus, this is cruelty! And this is the state of chinuch.
Speaking of chinuch, over at imamother, what in the world was a school doing discussing an execution with 8 year olds?
The real circus has been developing ever since the execution. Have we no busha? A very public funeral attended by thousands in Monsey. I don't think anyone would disagree that Mr. Grossman should have a proper Jewish funeral. But the frum community is walking a very fine line between making this man a hero, and just providing a kosher and modest funeral. (If anyone can translate this video through the raw emotion, please do). There are people speaking as if he died al kiddush Hashem. There are people speaking of his great teshuvah. That is for Hashem to decide. But as a parent, I am very concerned about the elevation of criminals (and accused criminals) of various stripes to tzaddikim.
I think now it is time for the News Blogs and every other publication to just lay low and exercise some self-control. Let's not pile on the governor trying to referee his every move in executing justice, such as being done on Matzav right now. Let's not make anymore asinine comments for the family or friends of Ms. Park to read. Let's take some time to think about her, rather than pat ourselves on the back. Let's not threaten to derail the governor's career or accuse him of acting only politically. If you disagree with the death penalty, fight that battle instead.
Shortly after the execution, a circus began confirming every single one of my misgivings and leaving me, and others, in pain.
My first concern was that the petitions were only giving the information they wanted to give. Turns out that information was withheld. I know of some people who sought advice and wrote letters that feel very duped. One person stated if he knew what he knew now, he would not have petitioned. Read Govenor Crist's statement:
On December 13, 1984, Mr. Grossman violated the terms of his probation by leaving Pasco County and having a stolen firearm in his possession. In a routine stop, Florida Fish and Wildlife Officer Margaret Park found the weapon. When she reached for the radio in her patrol car to report him, Mr. Grossman attacked her with her own large flashlight, beating her over the head and shoulders 20 to 30 times. When Officer Park tried to fight back, Mr. Grossman took her .357 Magnum revolver and shot her in the back of the head, killing her.
Mr. Grossman took several carefully planned steps to cover up this horrible crime. The weapon was buried, and Mr. Grossman attempted to burn his clothes and shoes, which were later disposed of in a nearby lake. The following day, Mr. Grossman thoroughly cleaned the van and changed its tires to mislead law enforcement.
Officer Park’s autopsy revealed lacerations on top of her head, hemorrhaging inside the scalp and extensive fracturing of the skull. All of these injuries resulted from Mr. Grossman’s attack. The facts of this crime clearly meet the definition of heinous, atrocious and cruel, and his actions afterward demonstrate his well-reasoned attempts to cover it up.
The defense being pushed by major Orthodox Jewish groups is that the death sentence was inappropriate because he was mentally deficient, a drug user, and had a very bad childhood. How many murderers are not at least one of the above, it not all of the above? This summary of the murder is sickening, and worst yet are the comments at YWN, VIN, MATZAV, and the letters that will soon come to other major Jewish publications. The comments being made about the Governor are especially sickening, and those disparaging the legal system that protects us are downright irresponsible.
Which brings me to my next concern: Why did the Jewish Organizations involved in this campaign seek the involvement of the Jewish public? I'm saying this as someone who is politically active and has intentions of becoming more politically active in the future. A mass campaign was asking for trouble. A number of years ago, I attended a meeting within the Jewish community where there was going to be a small push for greater funding for private schools. Those who came to the forum were able to meet with state and local politicians. I believe every politician there was Democrat and not particularly open to additional funding for private schools, and certainly not vouchers. After some nice back and forth, a hot tempered man in the community (a loose cannon by all means), attacked one of the female politicians shouting her down and accusing her of all sorts of things. I think nearly everyone was horrified as the scene developed for what felt like at least 10 minutes. I was waiting for one of our leaders to kindly escort this man out of the room to take a breath. He was doing our cause no favors! Spend a short amount of time on any Jewish news website, and it should be obvious that we have plenty of loose canons in our midst. Letters from the NCYI, or the OU, or the Aleph Institute, sent to the Governor's Office would have made the point that they wanted made without the embarrassment that transpired.
It has been reported that Ms. Park's mother was harrassed by people in the Jewish community. While everyone pats their back for their rachmanus, I am horrified. I don't know the extend of the harassment, but this is certainly an example of being cruel to the kind! I am not going to speculate if the rachmanut for Mr. Grossman was misplaced, but I do believe that this massive effort has been completely cruel to the Park family, from the calls (of hopefully only a few) to the comments that are being made all over the news sites and blogs. Even in the stories where Ms. Park's mother expresses her feelings, people have the audacity to rub salt in her wounds by accusing her of being revengeful and asking if she would support the death penality had her child murdered. Her child did not murder. This is shameful. This is painful. This is not rachmanus, this is cruelty! And this is the state of chinuch.
Speaking of chinuch, over at imamother, what in the world was a school doing discussing an execution with 8 year olds?
The real circus has been developing ever since the execution. Have we no busha? A very public funeral attended by thousands in Monsey. I don't think anyone would disagree that Mr. Grossman should have a proper Jewish funeral. But the frum community is walking a very fine line between making this man a hero, and just providing a kosher and modest funeral. (If anyone can translate this video through the raw emotion, please do). There are people speaking as if he died al kiddush Hashem. There are people speaking of his great teshuvah. That is for Hashem to decide. But as a parent, I am very concerned about the elevation of criminals (and accused criminals) of various stripes to tzaddikim.
I think now it is time for the News Blogs and every other publication to just lay low and exercise some self-control. Let's not pile on the governor trying to referee his every move in executing justice, such as being done on Matzav right now. Let's not make anymore asinine comments for the family or friends of Ms. Park to read. Let's take some time to think about her, rather than pat ourselves on the back. Let's not threaten to derail the governor's career or accuse him of acting only politically. If you disagree with the death penalty, fight that battle instead.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Westchester Day School LOWERS Tuition
I wish I could report news like this every day. As per the Jewish Week Article, Day School Parents Now Getting Some Tuition Relief, it is being reported that Westchester Day School has implemented some targeted tuition decreases for grades K-3, ranging from $500 to $1,600 in an effort to attract and retain students.
The tone of the article is that tuition increases are inevitable in the future, however, because certain expenses will continue to go up, namely scholarships and health insurance costs. Scholarships has been beat to death. My personal opinion is that scholarships should mostly be handled by an organization set up for that purpose, rather than each individual school. At the very least, it shouldn't be each school for itself. Better to have a huge banquet than a bunch of smaller banquets. But the current mode of operation is for tuition and fundraising to absorb these costs. I believe that the sticker shock we have experienced in regards to 2010/2011 tuition is based mostly on increased tuition discounts being granted (but I don't have enough information to make that determination). My eyes are still bugging out!
As for health insurance costs, I'd like any teachers/administrators who read my blog to help inform readership if co-pays have increased yearly. I think most in private industry have seen their own insurance burden rise. I don't know if this is the case in schools. It is important to recognize that indeed pay has been increased for staff if the school absorbs the increases.
The tone of the article is that tuition increases are inevitable in the future, however, because certain expenses will continue to go up, namely scholarships and health insurance costs. Scholarships has been beat to death. My personal opinion is that scholarships should mostly be handled by an organization set up for that purpose, rather than each individual school. At the very least, it shouldn't be each school for itself. Better to have a huge banquet than a bunch of smaller banquets. But the current mode of operation is for tuition and fundraising to absorb these costs. I believe that the sticker shock we have experienced in regards to 2010/2011 tuition is based mostly on increased tuition discounts being granted (but I don't have enough information to make that determination). My eyes are still bugging out!
As for health insurance costs, I'd like any teachers/administrators who read my blog to help inform readership if co-pays have increased yearly. I think most in private industry have seen their own insurance burden rise. I don't know if this is the case in schools. It is important to recognize that indeed pay has been increased for staff if the school absorbs the increases.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Guest Post from Kollel Guy
I agreed to host a guest post from Kollel Guy. I had referenced his blog just last week.
Below is the Guest Post. Feel free to add your comments.
Title: Kollel Has Become a Dirty Word
It seems that kollel has become a dirty word these days, especially around middle aged frum women in their 40s and 50s who are finding themselves having to support their children whose husbands are of course "learning in kollel". It seems that although they profess pride that their daughters married "learning boys," nevertheless, they resent being forced into footing the bill.
How would they feel if their daughter had married a doctor who was still struggling through medical school, with another 3-5 years of residency and fellowship after he gets out? Would they still resent supporting them through that time? Obviously not, because the son in law is actively involved in the pursuit of a (hopefully) successful career, one in which he will be able to readily support his family on his own when he finally finishes. They are able to overlook the short term and focus on the long term picture, which for them is a highly successful doctor making good money.
If you are in kollel and are being supported by your parents, know these two things:
1. Your mother (and mother in law) resent having to support you
2. You have the ability to change their attitude very quickly
If kollel was not just an end, but a means to a bright future, then supporting you would be a delight instead of drain. Not only would they be happier supporting you, but you too would feel better being supported by them.
It's tough to pick yourself up and leave kollel, but it's even harder to stay in kollel when you are not welcome. Tagline: I got out of kollel myself, and you can do it too. For inspiration, strategies, and down to earth advice on how to make a graceful exit from kollel, visit http://www.kollelguy.com/.
Below is the Guest Post. Feel free to add your comments.
Title: Kollel Has Become a Dirty Word
It seems that kollel has become a dirty word these days, especially around middle aged frum women in their 40s and 50s who are finding themselves having to support their children whose husbands are of course "learning in kollel". It seems that although they profess pride that their daughters married "learning boys," nevertheless, they resent being forced into footing the bill.
How would they feel if their daughter had married a doctor who was still struggling through medical school, with another 3-5 years of residency and fellowship after he gets out? Would they still resent supporting them through that time? Obviously not, because the son in law is actively involved in the pursuit of a (hopefully) successful career, one in which he will be able to readily support his family on his own when he finally finishes. They are able to overlook the short term and focus on the long term picture, which for them is a highly successful doctor making good money.
If you are in kollel and are being supported by your parents, know these two things:
1. Your mother (and mother in law) resent having to support you
2. You have the ability to change their attitude very quickly
If kollel was not just an end, but a means to a bright future, then supporting you would be a delight instead of drain. Not only would they be happier supporting you, but you too would feel better being supported by them.
It's tough to pick yourself up and leave kollel, but it's even harder to stay in kollel when you are not welcome. Tagline: I got out of kollel myself, and you can do it too. For inspiration, strategies, and down to earth advice on how to make a graceful exit from kollel, visit http://www.kollelguy.com/.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Pushers
My vote in answer to the YWN letter writer's question is the police (I do want to believe the letter writer is just pulling legs with this letter. I've never seen drugs laid out on a lunch table in the really rough public school I attended for a summer. Smokers, (drug) users, and dealers had the sense to go across the street, a place I sure as heck wasn't going to).
1) the police because they are the only ones with the authority, capability, and know-how to take care of the PUSHER(S). There is no doubt in my mind that a drug dealer is a rodef. I have life experience to stand on as well as some professional experience. But those who are uncertain are more than welcome to ask their Rav. While I don't care in the least for users, PUSHERS are a different sort of animal. Drug pushers are the ones who entice the young and seek to addict them. PUSHERS infect a community. And PUSHERS are often entangled in a messy and dangerous web. I wouldn't approach a pusher directly. I would absolutely seek professional advice from people who understand the drug trade and have some experience regarding pushers and dealers.
I can't remember ever commenting on the Japan bochurim case, but let's not forget that behind those boys was a grand PUSHER. Millions of tzedakah dollars and a lot of energy has been expended by kehillot all over the world regarding that case. A shame that the PUSHER was allowed to operate in at least somewhat of an open manner.
As for tellinga Rebbi Parents, and Menahelim, I'd say that they should all be informed too, but probably after seeking the advice of the police (even if you don't involve the police, I think you can still call the police department to ask for guidance). It is hard to know how enmeshed in the drug trade the boy with the scale is and if his point of access is coming from within the community or from the outside.
One thing that I know should NOT be done is to approach the boys directly to befriend them in hopes of "changing their [lives]." Save you compassion and chessed for issues you understand and have the capability of dealing with. As my parents told me before going into high school, [and I'm dating myself, so younger readers, don't feel bad if you miss the reference], "you are not to go near, talk to, or be friends with anyone who wears a beeper." These kids had drugs and a scale out of the table. That is the signal to stay away! You aren't speculating about the use of the beeper. It is right in front of your face. I think PUSHERS are best dealt with by the police, but a person is welcome to talk to the baalei simcha hosting this mess, the wedding hall director, the (kashrut) mashgiach since the boys brought in outside drink, the boys parents, teachers, and menahelim. But befriending the boys; I give that the royal thumbs down.
1) the police because they are the only ones with the authority, capability, and know-how to take care of the PUSHER(S). There is no doubt in my mind that a drug dealer is a rodef. I have life experience to stand on as well as some professional experience. But those who are uncertain are more than welcome to ask their Rav. While I don't care in the least for users, PUSHERS are a different sort of animal. Drug pushers are the ones who entice the young and seek to addict them. PUSHERS infect a community. And PUSHERS are often entangled in a messy and dangerous web. I wouldn't approach a pusher directly. I would absolutely seek professional advice from people who understand the drug trade and have some experience regarding pushers and dealers.
I can't remember ever commenting on the Japan bochurim case, but let's not forget that behind those boys was a grand PUSHER. Millions of tzedakah dollars and a lot of energy has been expended by kehillot all over the world regarding that case. A shame that the PUSHER was allowed to operate in at least somewhat of an open manner.
As for telling
One thing that I know should NOT be done is to approach the boys directly to befriend them in hopes of "changing their [lives]." Save you compassion and chessed for issues you understand and have the capability of dealing with. As my parents told me before going into high school, [and I'm dating myself, so younger readers, don't feel bad if you miss the reference], "you are not to go near, talk to, or be friends with anyone who wears a beeper." These kids had drugs and a scale out of the table. That is the signal to stay away! You aren't speculating about the use of the beeper. It is right in front of your face. I think PUSHERS are best dealt with by the police, but a person is welcome to talk to the baalei simcha hosting this mess, the wedding hall director, the (kashrut) mashgiach since the boys brought in outside drink, the boys parents, teachers, and menahelim. But befriending the boys; I give that the royal thumbs down.
Kashrus Magazine
I received an apology for using the comments of my commentors from a previous post re: chalav yisrael. The apology was very gracious and I apologize for not pulling the post down earlier this week as I was occupied with a number of projects. As such, I have pulled that post letting it go into the dustbin that is cyberspace. The orignal post regarding food preservation remains in the archives as it meets the criteria I have for this blog which is to discuss issues of personal finance, economic issues pertaining the the community at large, and auxilary issues that interest me (marriage, family, and parenting).
I received an apology for using the comments of my commentors from a previous post re: chalav yisrael. The apology was very gracious and I apologize for not pulling the post down earlier this week as I was occupied with a number of projects. As such, I have pulled that post letting it go into the dustbin that is cyberspace. The orignal post regarding food preservation remains in the archives as it meets the criteria I have for this blog which is to discuss issues of personal finance, economic issues pertaining the the community at large, and auxilary issues that interest me (marriage, family, and parenting).
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Power to the Parents
I often receive notes and comments from readers about my blog making a difference in their budget, perhaps they dropped a service they had previously through was necessary or have changed some spending habits for the better.
Today I received a note from a commentor who had a moment of hashgacha who took the message regarding culture in the last post and took some ACTION. You did the right thing Mom and I'm sure that your son with thrive outside of his current Yeshiva environment with parents who are willing to take action and do the right thing.
I hope that this blog and blogs like it help to change the culture for the better.
Comment below:
This post is hashgacha pratis. My son was assaulted in his right-wing yeshiva dorm last week for the second time this year. He said the wrong thing to a kid and was hit in the eye, has lacerations on his forehead. Worse, he was held down and poked in the butt (clothed) and called gay.
The menahel has done nothing. He told my husband "it's just boys." There is NO dorm supervision during the day. We are outraged by the lack of concern from the school. In fact, they are trying to make us seem like over-protective parents.
I'm so ashamed to say we were considering sending him back to finish the year as we don't want to send him out-of-state, or home-school, but after reading this, it is clear. We're pulling him out immediately. His yeshiva career may be over for mesivta (he's 15), but he will learn REAL Yiddishkeit with caring tutors.
I have to say, I have slept better having him home for the last week than I have all year. That should tell me something. This has been the worst experience for us and has given me such a feeling of revulsion for the frum community that supports this Chillul Hashem.
Today I received a note from a commentor who had a moment of hashgacha who took the message regarding culture in the last post and took some ACTION. You did the right thing Mom and I'm sure that your son with thrive outside of his current Yeshiva environment with parents who are willing to take action and do the right thing.
I hope that this blog and blogs like it help to change the culture for the better.
Comment below:
This post is hashgacha pratis. My son was assaulted in his right-wing yeshiva dorm last week for the second time this year. He said the wrong thing to a kid and was hit in the eye, has lacerations on his forehead. Worse, he was held down and poked in the butt (clothed) and called gay.
The menahel has done nothing. He told my husband "it's just boys." There is NO dorm supervision during the day. We are outraged by the lack of concern from the school. In fact, they are trying to make us seem like over-protective parents.
I'm so ashamed to say we were considering sending him back to finish the year as we don't want to send him out-of-state, or home-school, but after reading this, it is clear. We're pulling him out immediately. His yeshiva career may be over for mesivta (he's 15), but he will learn REAL Yiddishkeit with caring tutors.
I have to say, I have slept better having him home for the last week than I have all year. That should tell me something. This has been the worst experience for us and has given me such a feeling of revulsion for the frum community that supports this Chillul Hashem.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Horrifying. . .And, yes, Hold The Tuition
A link to this thread on Imamother came through my Google Alerts. A mother has an 8th grade son who is being bullied. No, this isn't your run of the mill teasing or even rough housing. The boy has suffered damage to orthodontia (I never broke any orthodontia, and if anyone would have been able to pull off that feat, I guarantee you, it would have been me) and had a chair thrown at his head, both incidences requiring doctors visits. The boy has been locked in a closet during recess. Additionally, when the boy stood up to give a presentation in class, he was laughed every time he went to speak, and eventually the teacher just asked him to sit down. Oh, and the menahel is not returning messages now.
What is the mother's question: should she stop payment to the school (a step she labels as "super-drastic"), especially before high school applications have gone out.
My long time readers know the one crisis I have been certain exists is a "parenting crisis" or perhaps a "sechel crisis." If you read the responses to this mother you should be able to see this crisis is *not* imaginary.
Other women seem to agree that it best to lay low until high school acceptances are out. Another woman recommends perhaps sending him to an Out of Town Yeshiva (I'd say the last thing you should do is take a kid who has been bullied since Kindergarten and send him out of town to dorm where your contact with him will be limited and where, quite frankly, there will be a new set of animals to deal with!!!). First, put first things first. Where a kid ends up for high school is not important at this very point in time. Quite frankly, you'd be better off finding the best public option out there and enrolling your child there. I went to public schools from 1st grade on, including one summer school program for which there was a daily fist fight, and I cannot imagine administration not acting, especially after a visit from the parent(s). I believe the teachers and administrators were l'sheim shomayim when it came to combating bullying and violence, but at the very least they understood the word LAW$SUIT.
Second, stop outsourcing chinuch. The reason the parents sent to this school was based on the reputation of a "stronger" limudei kodesh program. The principal of the school has recommended social skills training for the boy and that the mother should dress him in "cool clothes" (both suggestions other mothers agree with). Is it not obvious that the school is ill prepared to handle chinuch, reputation notwithstanding? I had my fair share of incidences of bullying growing up (nothing like what is taking place here), and in each and every incidence that became public, the instigator had his/her feet held to the fire. Not once was I told to get a new wardrobe, and it might have been nice to be slightly more in style. Also, "in my day" parents didn't just contact the school when they needed to step in (and parents weren't particularly prone to step in either!). If there were real issues, they made some of their own calls to other parents. Naturally, you will run into a parent that seems to believe in the "Lord of the Flies" method of chinuch. We eliminated one school because too many parents and teachers we have had contact with seem to believe in this method of child rearing.
Third, many of the mothers seem to believe that bullying is a lifelong problem, so he might as well learn to deal with it. This sentiment says a lot more about the insular communities "we" live in than it does about life. My own experience, and that of others I have spoken to, indicates that bullying reaches its high point around the middle school years and continues to lessen as each year goes by. Sure, there are bad bosses and bosses that bully. But, bullying should not be a lifetime problem. And if people view it as such, it is time to take a good hard look in the mirror because something is terribly wrong. And, yes, something is terribly wrong. It seems we have a number of adult bullies prominently situated as is clearly indicated by the comments of what could happen should the mother call the police, what could happen if the parents stop paying tuition vis a vis high school admissions.
Just to make one thing very clear, I am a bit of a tougher parent and I tend to think this generation of parents is over protective, denying their children some valuable opportunities to work out some issues on their own, experience disappointment, and grow a bit tougher. But this is horrifying and a parent that stands by worrying about tuition and high school admissions is negligent. My blood boils reading this threads. Have we lost all sechel? High school admissions, worrying if it is proper to withhold tuition, warnings about mesirah should the mother call the cops re: physical assault. Feh!
Regarding withholding tuition. . . . . I don't even see the question. It is a basic responsibility of a school to provide a safe environment where a child can be educated. The breach of contract happened when the desk hit your son's head, when the teacher told your son to sit down rather than deal with his classmates who heckled him every time he tried to speak, and when the principal suggested "cool clothing." There is very good reason to pursue legal action against the school and receive a judgement for all tuition paid + medical, dental, and therapy. The school should be so lucky that you are only considering pulling him out.
Leave turning the cheek to other religions and nip this in the bud. You can file this under the strange worship of yeshivot.
What is the mother's question: should she stop payment to the school (a step she labels as "super-drastic"), especially before high school applications have gone out.
My long time readers know the one crisis I have been certain exists is a "parenting crisis" or perhaps a "sechel crisis." If you read the responses to this mother you should be able to see this crisis is *not* imaginary.
Other women seem to agree that it best to lay low until high school acceptances are out. Another woman recommends perhaps sending him to an Out of Town Yeshiva (I'd say the last thing you should do is take a kid who has been bullied since Kindergarten and send him out of town to dorm where your contact with him will be limited and where, quite frankly, there will be a new set of animals to deal with!!!). First, put first things first. Where a kid ends up for high school is not important at this very point in time. Quite frankly, you'd be better off finding the best public option out there and enrolling your child there. I went to public schools from 1st grade on, including one summer school program for which there was a daily fist fight, and I cannot imagine administration not acting, especially after a visit from the parent(s). I believe the teachers and administrators were l'sheim shomayim when it came to combating bullying and violence, but at the very least they understood the word LAW$SUIT.
Second, stop outsourcing chinuch. The reason the parents sent to this school was based on the reputation of a "stronger" limudei kodesh program. The principal of the school has recommended social skills training for the boy and that the mother should dress him in "cool clothes" (both suggestions other mothers agree with). Is it not obvious that the school is ill prepared to handle chinuch, reputation notwithstanding? I had my fair share of incidences of bullying growing up (nothing like what is taking place here), and in each and every incidence that became public, the instigator had his/her feet held to the fire. Not once was I told to get a new wardrobe, and it might have been nice to be slightly more in style. Also, "in my day" parents didn't just contact the school when they needed to step in (and parents weren't particularly prone to step in either!). If there were real issues, they made some of their own calls to other parents. Naturally, you will run into a parent that seems to believe in the "Lord of the Flies" method of chinuch. We eliminated one school because too many parents and teachers we have had contact with seem to believe in this method of child rearing.
Third, many of the mothers seem to believe that bullying is a lifelong problem, so he might as well learn to deal with it. This sentiment says a lot more about the insular communities "we" live in than it does about life. My own experience, and that of others I have spoken to, indicates that bullying reaches its high point around the middle school years and continues to lessen as each year goes by. Sure, there are bad bosses and bosses that bully. But, bullying should not be a lifetime problem. And if people view it as such, it is time to take a good hard look in the mirror because something is terribly wrong. And, yes, something is terribly wrong. It seems we have a number of adult bullies prominently situated as is clearly indicated by the comments of what could happen should the mother call the police, what could happen if the parents stop paying tuition vis a vis high school admissions.
Just to make one thing very clear, I am a bit of a tougher parent and I tend to think this generation of parents is over protective, denying their children some valuable opportunities to work out some issues on their own, experience disappointment, and grow a bit tougher. But this is horrifying and a parent that stands by worrying about tuition and high school admissions is negligent. My blood boils reading this threads. Have we lost all sechel? High school admissions, worrying if it is proper to withhold tuition, warnings about mesirah should the mother call the cops re: physical assault. Feh!
Regarding withholding tuition. . . . . I don't even see the question. It is a basic responsibility of a school to provide a safe environment where a child can be educated. The breach of contract happened when the desk hit your son's head, when the teacher told your son to sit down rather than deal with his classmates who heckled him every time he tried to speak, and when the principal suggested "cool clothing." There is very good reason to pursue legal action against the school and receive a judgement for all tuition paid + medical, dental, and therapy. The school should be so lucky that you are only considering pulling him out.
Leave turning the cheek to other religions and nip this in the bud. You can file this under the strange worship of yeshivot.
Sunday, February 07, 2010
A Practical Suggestion
Readers of the Orthonomically focused blogs are looking for solutions. I would like to respond to a comment left here and on Honestly Frum:
[A Bergen County Yeshiva] just mailed out requests for $950 application fee and will not tell us what tuition will be until the spring. they state that it is common courtesy for parents to send in the application fee on time apparently they do not think it is common courtesy for the yeshiva to tell parents what the tuition will be before they commit to another year of tuition.
I'm not the protesting type as I've said before. If I was dealing with administrations playing this type of game, I wouldn't even bother hanging on for another year. But for those that are determined to hang on, but are feeling bitter as could be, I suggest it is time to take a risk and do something. . . . anything.
I humbly suggest that parents of the Yeshiva referred to above return the application with the following note. You don't even need to write your own letter, I've penned a letter below and you are welcome to give your friends a word document so they can fill in the blanks and submit it themselves. This is hardly drastic, but if enough tuition paying families made such a
To the Board and Administration of [Yeshiva],
We have noted that a tuition schedule for the 2010/11 was not included in the admissions package. As such, we cannot in good conscience enroll [list of names], for the upcoming school year without knowing if tuition is within our reach. Certainly an institution of Torah, which looks to instill proper character traits, will understand the gravity of entering into a binding contract for which we cannot ascertain our obligation.
As such, we will not be enrolling our child[ren] until a tuition schedule is received. Additionally, if we make the determination to re-enroll our children, we will submit the registration fee of $950, no more and no less, despite missing the registration deadline, because you have failed to provide a complete enrollment package and as such it is unreasonable to expect parents to register with incomplete information.
Sincerely,
[Signatures]
Parents, if you want to continue to play cat and mouse, register blindly. If you want to end monopolistic practices and introduce some free market principles back into the world of day schools and Yeshivot, flex a bit of muscle.
[A Bergen County Yeshiva] just mailed out requests for $950 application fee and will not tell us what tuition will be until the spring. they state that it is common courtesy for parents to send in the application fee on time apparently they do not think it is common courtesy for the yeshiva to tell parents what the tuition will be before they commit to another year of tuition.
I'm not the protesting type as I've said before. If I was dealing with administrations playing this type of game, I wouldn't even bother hanging on for another year. But for those that are determined to hang on, but are feeling bitter as could be, I suggest it is time to take a risk and do something. . . . anything.
I humbly suggest that parents of the Yeshiva referred to above return the application with the following note. You don't even need to write your own letter, I've penned a letter below and you are welcome to give your friends a word document so they can fill in the blanks and submit it themselves. This is hardly drastic, but if enough tuition paying families made such a
To the Board and Administration of [Yeshiva],
We have noted that a tuition schedule for the 2010/11 was not included in the admissions package. As such, we cannot in good conscience enroll [list of names], for the upcoming school year without knowing if tuition is within our reach. Certainly an institution of Torah, which looks to instill proper character traits, will understand the gravity of entering into a binding contract for which we cannot ascertain our obligation.
As such, we will not be enrolling our child[ren] until a tuition schedule is received. Additionally, if we make the determination to re-enroll our children, we will submit the registration fee of $950, no more and no less, despite missing the registration deadline, because you have failed to provide a complete enrollment package and as such it is unreasonable to expect parents to register with incomplete information.
Sincerely,
[Signatures]
Parents, if you want to continue to play cat and mouse, register blindly. If you want to end monopolistic practices and introduce some free market principles back into the world of day schools and Yeshivot, flex a bit of muscle.
Refreshing
Excuse me for beating this subject to death, but I just received my tuition schedule for next year. . .
"Always raise tuition. Parents must know what to expect in the future. They will always find a way to pay."
Honestly Frum has posted a sicha on the parsha from Rav Ozer Glickman, YU Rosh Yeshiva, which is quite refreshing, not particularly because there are tangible solutions we can implement tomorrow offered, but because he has acknowledged certain realities that I haven't seen acknowledged elsewhere.
One acknowledgement he made is that "[t]here cannot be money for everything." While such a statement should be self-evident, our communities as a whole have been operating with an assumption that there is always more money out there available for the taking and it is just a matter of cornering that money. I can't think of a community/metro area I have either lived in, or spent considerable time in, that has not grown its infrastructure in recent years. Perhaps it is a new school. Perhaps it is new programming or staffed positions within existing schools. Perhaps it is a new shul or a newly renovated shul. Perhaps it is a new mikvah. Perhaps it is a new kollel or kiruv staff. When I look around I see a growing infrastructure and a shrinking base of available funds. Furthermore, the Rabbi states re: scholarships, "And if every Jewish family deserving of help asked for tuition relief, the yeshivot would not have the resources to respond."
Another acknowledgement he made is something I have not heard stated too loudly: "[There are voices in the Orthodox community that eloquently and intelligently raise these issues. Some appeal to the rabbis to fix this problem]. Rabbis sadly usually don't know much about finance and economics." This statement should give parents who are waiting for someone else to do something some pause.
I found it very comforting that Rav Glickman, while addressing the need for Rabbonim to stress tzniut in regards to displays of wealth, did not come down hard on parents as a whole. He states, "The answer is not belt-tightening in the Jewish home. Many families have already cut way back, eliminating any luxury whatsoever. One just has to sit down with young families with elementary school commitments and listen." Granted, there is plenty of belt-tightening left in many a household, but as a frugal, coupon cutting, home cooking, thrift store shopping, thermostat adjusting mom who has only spent $5 for a single manicure in her lifetime, I can appreciate this.
When it comes to solutions, the Rav acknowledges that there may be some areas for belt-tightening. He does make mention of small class size. His bigger recommendation is that shuls constrain their budgets. My readers are welcome to comment on this idea further. I don't think spending on shul programming where I am is beyond the pale, nor do I believe that lessening the spending by a large chunk would make much of a difference vis a vis tuition. Perhaps some different decisions could have been made in the past, but a more expensive mortgage than perhaps minimally necessary isn't what is driving up school tuitions into the stratosphere.
"Always raise tuition. Parents must know what to expect in the future. They will always find a way to pay."
Honestly Frum has posted a sicha on the parsha from Rav Ozer Glickman, YU Rosh Yeshiva, which is quite refreshing, not particularly because there are tangible solutions we can implement tomorrow offered, but because he has acknowledged certain realities that I haven't seen acknowledged elsewhere.
One acknowledgement he made is that "[t]here cannot be money for everything." While such a statement should be self-evident, our communities as a whole have been operating with an assumption that there is always more money out there available for the taking and it is just a matter of cornering that money. I can't think of a community/metro area I have either lived in, or spent considerable time in, that has not grown its infrastructure in recent years. Perhaps it is a new school. Perhaps it is new programming or staffed positions within existing schools. Perhaps it is a new shul or a newly renovated shul. Perhaps it is a new mikvah. Perhaps it is a new kollel or kiruv staff. When I look around I see a growing infrastructure and a shrinking base of available funds. Furthermore, the Rabbi states re: scholarships, "And if every Jewish family deserving of help asked for tuition relief, the yeshivot would not have the resources to respond."
Another acknowledgement he made is something I have not heard stated too loudly: "[There are voices in the Orthodox community that eloquently and intelligently raise these issues. Some appeal to the rabbis to fix this problem]. Rabbis sadly usually don't know much about finance and economics." This statement should give parents who are waiting for someone else to do something some pause.
I found it very comforting that Rav Glickman, while addressing the need for Rabbonim to stress tzniut in regards to displays of wealth, did not come down hard on parents as a whole. He states, "The answer is not belt-tightening in the Jewish home. Many families have already cut way back, eliminating any luxury whatsoever. One just has to sit down with young families with elementary school commitments and listen." Granted, there is plenty of belt-tightening left in many a household, but as a frugal, coupon cutting, home cooking, thrift store shopping, thermostat adjusting mom who has only spent $5 for a single manicure in her lifetime, I can appreciate this.
When it comes to solutions, the Rav acknowledges that there may be some areas for belt-tightening. He does make mention of small class size. His bigger recommendation is that shuls constrain their budgets. My readers are welcome to comment on this idea further. I don't think spending on shul programming where I am is beyond the pale, nor do I believe that lessening the spending by a large chunk would make much of a difference vis a vis tuition. Perhaps some different decisions could have been made in the past, but a more expensive mortgage than perhaps minimally necessary isn't what is driving up school tuitions into the stratosphere.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Rav Henkin on Family Planning
Hat Tip: A reader (thank you!)
Hirhurim has an informative post, written by R. Ari Enkin, summarizing the positions of Rav Y.H. Henkin on family planning. Footnotes include the views of other known poskim. Some commentors, scholars in their own right, have criticized the post, because it features a "lenient" position of one Rav and readers might misconstrue such a position as a psak for them.
I am not a scholar, nor do I play one in cyberspace. I am just an Orthodox woman who is perhaps coming from another angle. So, please allow me to speak. I believe the predominant school of thought that receives play in the Orthodox world is the view that family planning, birth control, etc is simply assur except under exceptional circumstances. Many women, even women married for more than a few minutes, do not know that their own local Rav/Rosh Yeshiva/Rosh Kollel not only allows, but sometimes even encourages, couples to space children/use birth control/etc. If they find out that Rabbi X gave a heter (for lack of a more suitable term), even for rather exceptional circumstances, they will express their surprise. I believe that there are many women who would be well served by understanding that the Torah approach to p'ru u'revu is not cut and dry, just as many other areas of halacha are not cut and dry.
Personally, I don't see the danger in laying out what issues might possibly constitute a reason for engaging in family planning in the free marketplace. Rav Schachter and other Rabbonim also do not fear laying out their ideas in the free marketplace. Listen to Rav Schachter on "being reasonable" regarding having children. As it stands now, many people "self-poskin." Sometimes they are afraid of asking a question, believing they will receive a "no" for an answer. Other times they are embarrassed that they are even entertaining the idea. Sometimes they just assume the answer is no, and engage in practices that are perhaps more problematic. I can only speak for myself, but understanding the parameters of halacha has not caused me to constantly lean to the left and always taken the lenient position. Rather, it has given me a basis for understanding when we should consult with the Rav and permission to not feel like a sinner for not having the capability to have "whatever Hashem gives." Just recently, I features a story about families turning to abortion. Such a story should, at the very least, give us pause regarding the appropriateness of allowing families to know what "lenient" positions exist in the halachic framework.
The view I have heard expressed more than any other regarding having children is that birth control is NEVER allowed for financial reasons. The footnotes in the article indicate that this may not be the case. Personally, I wish people would stop shouting this line from the rooftops. From the perspective of a person who writes about finances I think I can safely say that behind many financial issues is a larger shalom bayit issue.
I like the free marketplace of ideas and I comment Gil Student for publishing such a discussion on his blog, which is probably the premier Jewish blog.
Hirhurim has an informative post, written by R. Ari Enkin, summarizing the positions of Rav Y.H. Henkin on family planning. Footnotes include the views of other known poskim. Some commentors, scholars in their own right, have criticized the post, because it features a "lenient" position of one Rav and readers might misconstrue such a position as a psak for them.
I am not a scholar, nor do I play one in cyberspace. I am just an Orthodox woman who is perhaps coming from another angle. So, please allow me to speak. I believe the predominant school of thought that receives play in the Orthodox world is the view that family planning, birth control, etc is simply assur except under exceptional circumstances. Many women, even women married for more than a few minutes, do not know that their own local Rav/Rosh Yeshiva/Rosh Kollel not only allows, but sometimes even encourages, couples to space children/use birth control/etc. If they find out that Rabbi X gave a heter (for lack of a more suitable term), even for rather exceptional circumstances, they will express their surprise. I believe that there are many women who would be well served by understanding that the Torah approach to p'ru u'revu is not cut and dry, just as many other areas of halacha are not cut and dry.
Personally, I don't see the danger in laying out what issues might possibly constitute a reason for engaging in family planning in the free marketplace. Rav Schachter and other Rabbonim also do not fear laying out their ideas in the free marketplace. Listen to Rav Schachter on "being reasonable" regarding having children. As it stands now, many people "self-poskin." Sometimes they are afraid of asking a question, believing they will receive a "no" for an answer. Other times they are embarrassed that they are even entertaining the idea. Sometimes they just assume the answer is no, and engage in practices that are perhaps more problematic. I can only speak for myself, but understanding the parameters of halacha has not caused me to constantly lean to the left and always taken the lenient position. Rather, it has given me a basis for understanding when we should consult with the Rav and permission to not feel like a sinner for not having the capability to have "whatever Hashem gives." Just recently, I features a story about families turning to abortion. Such a story should, at the very least, give us pause regarding the appropriateness of allowing families to know what "lenient" positions exist in the halachic framework.
The view I have heard expressed more than any other regarding having children is that birth control is NEVER allowed for financial reasons. The footnotes in the article indicate that this may not be the case. Personally, I wish people would stop shouting this line from the rooftops. From the perspective of a person who writes about finances I think I can safely say that behind many financial issues is a larger shalom bayit issue.
I like the free marketplace of ideas and I comment Gil Student for publishing such a discussion on his blog, which is probably the premier Jewish blog.
Monday, February 01, 2010
Sure, I Have Some Ideas
From this week's Yated:
NOT MAKING IT FINANCIALLY
Dear Editor,
I was thrilled to see last week’s letter regarding frum families in debt. I guess it means that we are not the only ones. We have a large family, kein ayin harah, and my husband does have a well-paying job. I am at home, since it would be impossible to have both of us working with all the demands of a full house. There is nothing more that either of us can do, but we have the problem that my husband’s salary alone cannot cover all our bills. I am talking about the basics, including tuition, mortgage payments, utilities, insurance, car expenses, groceries, clothing, and minimal cleaning help.
You will notice that I am not including any luxuries and yet the paycheck is already
long gone.
Does anyone out there have any ideas?
Thank you.
Struggling To Pay My Bills
Here are some ideas that are bound to be unpopular:
1. Drop the cleaning help. With a large family, you have cleaning help. Yes, it won't be easy and despite plenty of arguments as to why cleaning help is so super important, it still isn't a "basic."
2. And speaking of basics, I don't know that we really can call tuition a basic. Tuition certainly makes most of ours lists as a high priority. But money only goes so far. If you were faced with a choice between necessary medical treatment or tuition, would tuition still be a basic? At least the writer didn't include camp as one of the basics. Perhaps a first when it comes to letters I've published.
3. Drop the attitude that there is nothing more you can do. There is always something you can consider to either cut costs or bring in additional income. Look at every budget item and consider an alternative. Reprice all services. Call providers and ask for discounts. Look into bulk buying. I am always amazed by the areas I can find to save the pennies and dollars. I reprice our car insurance every 6 months. Recently we signed a contract locking us into lower utility rates. If you really want to get out of a rut, consider the big ticket items.
4. Look for additional sources of income that you can generate while the kids are asleep or otherwise occupied. Emergency babysitting springs to mind as something that is always in demand. There are plenty of families who could use a daily babysitter. Check your state's laws and regulations regarding paid babysitting, but don't discount it. I can think of plenty of at home mothers, even mothers with large families, that have taken in a child needing care part time. If you have a specialized skill, print up free business cards at Vista Print and make it known that you are now freelancing.
5. Get everyone on board and go on a financial diet. Getting out of debt and then sticking to a budget, even a hand to mouth budget, is a quick way to increase your income because you will no longer be paying interest.
None of this will solve the tuition factor of course. At some point the community as a whole will have to face the fact that large families + universal private schooling doesn't quite add up.
NOT MAKING IT FINANCIALLY
Dear Editor,
I was thrilled to see last week’s letter regarding frum families in debt. I guess it means that we are not the only ones. We have a large family, kein ayin harah, and my husband does have a well-paying job. I am at home, since it would be impossible to have both of us working with all the demands of a full house. There is nothing more that either of us can do, but we have the problem that my husband’s salary alone cannot cover all our bills. I am talking about the basics, including tuition, mortgage payments, utilities, insurance, car expenses, groceries, clothing, and minimal cleaning help.
You will notice that I am not including any luxuries and yet the paycheck is already
long gone.
Does anyone out there have any ideas?
Thank you.
Struggling To Pay My Bills
Here are some ideas that are bound to be unpopular:
1. Drop the cleaning help. With a large family, you have cleaning help. Yes, it won't be easy and despite plenty of arguments as to why cleaning help is so super important, it still isn't a "basic."
2. And speaking of basics, I don't know that we really can call tuition a basic. Tuition certainly makes most of ours lists as a high priority. But money only goes so far. If you were faced with a choice between necessary medical treatment or tuition, would tuition still be a basic? At least the writer didn't include camp as one of the basics. Perhaps a first when it comes to letters I've published.
3. Drop the attitude that there is nothing more you can do. There is always something you can consider to either cut costs or bring in additional income. Look at every budget item and consider an alternative. Reprice all services. Call providers and ask for discounts. Look into bulk buying. I am always amazed by the areas I can find to save the pennies and dollars. I reprice our car insurance every 6 months. Recently we signed a contract locking us into lower utility rates. If you really want to get out of a rut, consider the big ticket items.
4. Look for additional sources of income that you can generate while the kids are asleep or otherwise occupied. Emergency babysitting springs to mind as something that is always in demand. There are plenty of families who could use a daily babysitter. Check your state's laws and regulations regarding paid babysitting, but don't discount it. I can think of plenty of at home mothers, even mothers with large families, that have taken in a child needing care part time. If you have a specialized skill, print up free business cards at Vista Print and make it known that you are now freelancing.
5. Get everyone on board and go on a financial diet. Getting out of debt and then sticking to a budget, even a hand to mouth budget, is a quick way to increase your income because you will no longer be paying interest.
None of this will solve the tuition factor of course. At some point the community as a whole will have to face the fact that large families + universal private schooling doesn't quite add up.
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