PSA: Party City Chanukah Giveaway

I don't normally do links, but this Party City giveaway package over at the Daily Cheapskate is wonderful and I thought some of my readers might enjoy entering in hopes of winning something nice for a Chanukah party.

The Disconnect

Rabbi Berel Wein wrote a JPost column this past week called THE DISCONNECT about the widening disconnect between leadership and the vast bulk of the Orthodox population. He points to a few issues and asks the populace to demand more from "those who claim the ability and knowledge to lead us." Quite frankly, I'm not certain which leaders Rabbi Wein thinks the populace should be demanding more from. What I am certain of is that there is a disconnect, especially from crowned leadership (that Americans are increasingly turning to, bypassing the LOR-Local Orthodox Rabbi) and even from the local Rabbinate who aren't particularly subject to the same demands.

There isn't much in the article that I want to blog about from the article, except to point out something that I'm not certain many 'leaders' are willing to admit (perhaps even to themselves? Leadership of some schools will tell people that the tuition burden is mostly shared even though there is much evidence to say that this is not the case). So it is nice to see some confirmation of what many in the populace believe to be true vis a vis tuition:

The tuition rates for attending Jewish schools are rapidly reaching the breaking point. A small percentage of parents – those who pay full or almost full tuition at schools – are subsidizing the rest of the parent body who cannot afford the astronomical amounts that are termed full tuition. But that group of people – those who can and do pay full tuition – is a rapidly diminishing breed. Instead of addressing this problem – the true time bomb that threatens the future of Torah education – we spread our wealth so thin that we are unable to help the situation.

An issue that Jewish Worker blogs about this week demonstrates this vast disconnect is regarding monetary needs/tzedakah and just how vast and broad the need is. Shas is working on a plan to provide life insurance under a group plan to kollel students. A monthly premium would be deducted from their checks to provide for this need. One would think such an idea would be embraced wholeheartedly. But, as per the Israeli Mishpacha, Rav Shteineman has come out against this plan claiming that it is the zechut of tzedaka to widows and orphans is saving the generation from destruction. As Jewish Worker rightfully points out, even where life insurance could take over from tzedakah, there is no shortage of need and suffering in the Chareidi community. Yet the answer to hishtadult is "no", which Jewish Worker points out is an answer of "let them suffer so we can do a mitzvah" because the needs of the community are growing exponentially.

Dr. E over at Cross-Currents, in response to Rabbi Wein's article, notes the following regarding the disconnect. . . and (dan l'chaf zechut), I can only conclude that Universally recognized great Torah minds are simply shielded from the realities of those that they lead, even if their pictures are plastered on proclamations and advertisements for certain tzedaka organizations. The math is staggering:

Focusing on that, how did it become that way? One obvious culprit is a creation called Askanim. Ma rabu maasecha Hashem! These are the gatekeepers and social engineers who are both the diagnosticians of the ills of our community as well as the technicians who deliver the therapy. They know what is best for the masses and exploit the name recognition of great people, filtering information in both directions. Believe it or not, here was a time in history when great Rabbinic luminaries answered their own phones, opened their own mail, read newspaper, and penned their own signatures after carefully reading the paragraphs above it. But, more importantly, they lived in the communities for whom they led, paskened for, and inspired. (It would make a great doctoral dissertation to pinpoint the year and place when the period of the Acharonim transitioned into the era of the Askanim.) While we have some great Poskim with encyclopedic minds covering the breadth and depth of Torah, they are prevented from developing the other main attribute of previous Gedolei Hador, which is “getting it”. As a result, we have a disconnect that spans not only across oceans but also across the street within one’s neighborhood. It is certainly possible to have Kavod Hatorah, while at the same time stipulating that thanks to the Askanim, many of the Torah giants should be seen in more limited roles.

Speaking of the math, following the passing of Rabbi Nosson Finkel zt"l, the Rosh Yeshiva of the Mir, there is a campaign underway to close the $10,000,000 debt (yes, 10 mil) the yeshiva has. As per Jewish Worker, who once again pulls from Mishapcha (English version), for 5 straight months, Rebbes have not been paid, nor have kollel avreichim. Even if the money is raised to pay off this debt, what of the future operating costs? And, unless one believes the tzedakah pocket is unlimited, what of the other institutions for which might ordinarily be recipients of tzedakah? (Divrei Chaim makes this point) While I believe the free market will sort much of this out, I don't think like the idea of collapse, and with this type of debt is seems that something will come crashing down. I think we'd all prefer to see a more natural consolidation. But the numbers just look bleak.

Rafi at Life in Israel is reporting on desperation from selling baby naming rights to the highest bidder to ongoing, long term theft where the culprit was finally caught: an avreich stealing baby formula because he doesn't have what to feed his 5 children. Chazal's words are being brought to life and it is just painful.

Many turn to a popular Rabbi for advice on life issues (I know a number of followers in my own back yard and I believe the following to be quite large). In a column regarding overwhelming wedding expenses, the advice given is "just pray" and leave the 300,000 shekel debt to Hashem.

Avremel, you don’t make weddings, Hashem does!”

“Reb Lazer, that’s either Baal Teshuva talk or Breslever talk. We don’t think like that. We have to raise the money ourselves!”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Here’s a man of 48, born into a Chassidic family; he learned in cheder, in lower yeshiva, in upper yeshiva, and then for another seven years in rabbinical kollel before he had to go to work to pay his bills. It was pitiful to see such a person with beard, long sidecurls, a long coat and Chassidic knickers with black socks living a life completely without Hashem and devoid of emuna.

Avremel had tears in his eyes and his upper lip was quivering. “Where in the world am I going to get 300,000 shekels in 7 months? It’s impossible!”

“Li hakesef ve’li hazahav, ne’um Hashem!” I quoted the Prophet who tells us that Hashem has all the gold and silver. If we need money, we go to Him. “Why not try talking to Hashem?”

Where is the yashrut? How destructive is this type of behavior in families and when entering into shidduchim? Yet here is a platform to speak about yashrut, about hishtadult, about being reasonable, and the answer is prayer, and only prayer?

(As one of my valued commentators points out, I am being a bit unfair in my remarks regarding hishtadult. So, I want to clarify the thought. The father is absolutely doing his hishtadult vis a vis effort and work. He is anything lazy holding down more jobs than I ever care to hold down. The effort that I was referring to was not in terms of working more, but in terms of extracting himself from a lifestyle that can simply no longer be maintained and further promises that should not and cannot be made. The point has been reached where this father simply cannot obligate him to pay another bill. The point has been reached where the father must extradite himself from the current situation of supporting growing families. Working yourself to death will eventually leave all those who depend on him in an untenable situation. Hashem does make weddings, but to imply that Hashem will drop 300,000 shekel from the sky--that is approximately $79,000 as per my foreign currency calculator--is not leadership, nor is it a proper way to conduct one's dealings ever! One article I see tells me that average Israeli salary is approximately 95,000 shekel per year. The father is already working more than one job. How is this advice?)

Because I'm out of time, I will deal with another disconnect issue soon.

Authentically American: Minchat Todah Thanksgiving Service

For those that celebrate Thanksgiving and would like something a little bit different to bring to your table for discussion, please follow this link to the Service for Thanksgiving Day of the historic Congregation Shearith Israel and edited by David De Sola Pool (1945).

At Jewish Ideas daily, there is a small bit of history regarding the embrace of Thanksgiving by the Shearith Israel kehillah (and hazzan Gershom Mendes Seixas, an interesting figure in colonial and early American Jewish history) and some interesting history regarding the Plymouth Colonists and their practices.

Apologies that I'm blog delayed (as usual). We were enjoying an uninterrupted Thanksgiving Day. Hodu L'shem Ki Tov Ki L'Olam Hasdo. Happy Thanksgiving to my readers and a Shabbat Shalom.

Ask Orthonomics: Chanukah Present Dilemna

Dear Orthonomics:

I wanted yours and your readers advice on a dilemma that came up, regarding chanukah presents.

My grade school age son wanted a very specific and expensive toy for his birthday that was well over our "birthday present" budget. We told him that if he waits for Chanukah, and gives up his present now, we can combine the two presents, plus Chanukah money from his grandparents, to buy the toy. He agreed and did not receive a birthday present.

Now that Chanukah is approaching, I looked for the toy and saw that the store that was selling it went out of business. This is more of a specialty type toy, and costs significantly more online (over 50% more) than it would have in this (now closed) store.

At this point, we are unsure what to do. My son did the right thing and delayed gratification to get what he wanted later. To now not get him the toy might teach him the wrong lesson. We would not normally be willing to "add" the extra funds, as it is a significant amount of money that is much more than we would generally spend on a present. In addition, the "online" price is really too high to spend on any toy (almost $200), even if he will gain years of use.

So I am torn. Should we provide the extra funds to buy the toy? After all, we did offer to buy it based on the price that it was at the time of the offer. What message are we sending by buying such an expensive toy? My son does not have significant funds of his own to contribute (he offered his piggy bank), but should we could take money out of his savings account (which we would normally never do), and replenish it next birthday? I am looking for ideas on what would be the best way to be a good parent, while still not spoiling my child and still teaching him the value of money.

Thanks,

Nephew of Frum Actuary

Dear Nephew of Frum Actuary,

This is a really interesting dilemma and I'm waiting to hear from my readers. Personally, I don't like the idea of spending hundreds on a single toy, for a single child no matter where the money is coming from. That said, you are beyond that point as you have already promised this gift and to your misfortune the store selling the gift is now out of business and you are looking at paying double unexpectedly.

Unless you see that your child is becoming very spoiled through his behavior, I don't think you need to worry as much about one pricey gift being the spoiler. If you practice restraint in your home and your children generally follow suit, I wouldn't get caught that this gift is going to tip the scales.

In life we sometimes have to "eat the cost." Sometimes we quote a price in the course of business only to discover the work is far more than we counted on. Sometimes we tell out kids we will take them someplace thinking the cost is one thing and we discover we really underestimated (when did certain attractions triple in price?). We might not like eating the cost, but when we have given our word, we have given our word. We shouldn't spoil our children, but they should feel secure that when we give our word, we will follow through.

I am assuming that your son is one who understands deferred gratification and a bit about the value of money as he already chose to delay gratification. Before making the purchase, it might be a good idea to revisit the subject and make sure this is what he really wants. Oftentimes, the coveted item is no longer what is desired. If your son has his eye on something else already, you have some wiggle room. If your child still does still have his/her heart set on this toy and the money is there to spend, I'd follow through and "eat the cost".

There is definitely a lesson to be learned here, it just might not be the lesson that you were aiming towards and that sometimes happens.

One more note: I don't believe that a single (or even a few) large purchases or indulgences will ruin a child. I think that sometimes the "small" things that we do (often without noticing) which create a sense of entitlement. Rather than concentrate on the material (and we can spend some time evaluating the material) we should ask ourselves about the overall environment of the home: Are we, the parents, in charge of our home? Are our children overly demanding? Do our children take direction without constant fuss/Is there too much negotiation going on in our home? Do our children take their discipline without threatening, etc? Do I constantly need to cajole the children just to run this home? Oftentimes we realize that something is amiss and our children are acting like spoiled brats and we haven't bought them overpriced toys or otherwise monetarily spoiled them. Hence, I do not worry that a big experience or purchase is what will take a child into spoiled-dom.

I am not of the opinion that money is the root cause of spoiled children, although how we spend on our children can play into creating an overblown sense of entitlement. I can think of just as many children from poorer homes as I can from wealthier homes who are spoiled!

Readers, let's hear from you.

Sincerely,

Orthonomics

Tuition in Israel

This Arutz Sheva article showed up in my Google Alerts for Yeshiva Tuition today. MK Orlev is setting up a panel to examine why tuition is so high in Israeli Yeshiva high schools. While many here in the US of A speak about how inexpensive tuition is in the state of Israel, tuition in Israel is much lower ($1400 per year per student for commuters and $3200 for schools with dormitories).

Yet, for many Israelis, the tuition is excessive, especially with multiple children. Parents want transparency and cost cutting measures. The committee would investigate budgets and see if they are getting all of their government funds.

I'd like to hear from my Israeli readers regarding this article and whether the calls to do something regarding tuition are widespread and what those who can't meet the costs do in the present.

Beware of Car Warranty Scam

Late last week, I've received two rather official looking notices. Notice #1 mailed from St. Louis, MO from "Vehicle Protection of America Automobile Coverage Headquarters". The company knew year, make, and model of our vehicle and had a lot of official looking prints. It mentioned that our "factory warranty is expiring or has expired, based on year and mileage" and offered to extend coverage. At the bottom of the notice there was an official looking seal from American Consumer Council saying Consumer Aware Winner 2011-2012.

Given that we never had a factory warranty (we bought a used vehicle and purchase a warranty that has not expired), I thought the notice strange, but possibly mistaken. I put it in a pile of things I need to follow up on. I figured that I would call the company that provides our car warranty to see what was happening.

I had not yet figured out I was looking at a scam, and I'm fairly good at sniffing out a scam. One thing I always, always recommend when you receive a notice, either via snail mail or email: do not respond directly to the notice (and never though an email link), but call the company that you deal with directly. In this case, I would pull my warranty and call the company with my name and account number, not respond to the notice.

Today, another notice marked "2nd Attempt came", only days apart. This one from a company "CarSafe", also bulk mailed from St. Louis, MO. This notice was a bit different. It also looked official. The format was nearly undistiguishable. The codes, however, had different names and numbers. The "Urgent and Time Sensitive" "2nd Attempt" notice from CarSafe, the second company, offered a Platinum plan. Vehicle Protection of America offered a Gold Coverage Offer.

Each notice had a second phone number. The CarSafe notice I quickly flagged as a scam as it requested "Please have your mileage and VIN # ready so we may better assist you."

A search of Vehicle Protection of America" and "scam" didn't turn up anything useful. A search of "CarSafe" and "scam" turned up results. As per this Washington Post column, St. Louis is home to car warranty scams and 10 companies are being sued by the state AG.

Be warned and for those who have family and neighbors, particularly elderly family and friends, make sure they are forewarned. I have a good eye for scams and this one has a nice costume.

One last clue that something is terribly wrong: My name was misspelled and I am not the primary name on our auto, my husband is. If they were working with the manufacturer or our warranty company, they wouldn't be sending me mail.

You'll Throw Them a Pumpkin Pie?

Hat Tip:

The Lakewood Scoop

VIN News

Yeshiva World News

Matzav

Simply unbelievable (see full article at Asbury Park Press).

While in the past, private schools waived their right to busing on Thanksgiving, this year that is not the case. From the comments everywhere (and a TLS poll), the majority believe bus drivers should have the day off, although there are plenty of comments from bnei rachamin that are anything but such as they should just be happy to have a job, etc, etc. There is something to be said for reasonable accommodation. It increases morale and creates an environment of mutual respect, something I'd certainly want when I'm placing my child under someone else's care. Additionally, if you stand for families spending time together, this is the day! This is penny-wise and pound foolish ans as many comments point out, if everyone were to act on strict law, bus drivers could refuse to make many accommodations that they make out of kindness. Additionally, local employers might act accordingly and not make accommodations they make for Jewish employees.

But Lakewood Vaad spokesman went on record saying the law is the law and "In the Jewish school system, every day is precious for education. [Thanksgiving is] a wonderful holiday, but there are still (18,000) kids who need to get home." Furthermore he states that with the growth and population of schools, carpooling is not a safe option. Disingenuous? I think so. Unless Lakewood calendars are significantly different than those of the rest of the Orthodox world, I dare say that in addition to yom tov, there plenty of days off. . . . just not Thanksgiving, mind you. And, do Lakewood parents not drive on Sunday?

Next time, Weisberg states, there should be a financial incentive (something I'm certain taxpayers won't be happy about). But this time, the attorney for the township's Board of Education says he will personally buy pumpkin pie or dessert for all drivers at his expense. Do those who speak hear their own voices? I'm sure the bus drivers can buy their own Mrs. Smith's pumpkin pie! What a chutzpah. It comes off as arrogant and insulting, adding insult to injury.

As per this article, it looks like we will see a repeat on Christmas and that the Igud HaMosdos is the body with the power to release the drivers from their duties as NJ law requires busing according to the calendars set by the schools.

Just in, as I go to publish, some schools are declining their right for busing. Hopefully more will follow. I'd suggestnot waiting too long. People need to make their plans.

No, no, no, and no. . . Investing Like You are Poor

In some financial article I have somewhere for the blog, a writer made a very insightful comment which I am paraphrasing about too many people in our communities are investing like they have just stepped off the boat, even though their relative financial comfort should call for a more conservative approach. Yet they are investing recklessly, make it or break it style. It was one thing for our grandparents to put what little they had into a single basket. The worst that could happen: they'd be left with nothing in their pocket. But where they are on the financial spectrum, that type of investing is simply inappropriate. They are simply taking on too much risk, and in the process they often end up loosing more financial footing trying to 'get rich' when normative investing would be more suited.

A team that is mid-game and keeping the score close (i.e., they have a reasonably comfortable life an some good years ahead of them) simply should not be throwing their football into a disorganized, crowded end zone. But, it is happening far too often and I've seen more than enough shares at our favorite frum women's forum to know that this issue is prevalent and relevant.

In this imamother thread a wife brings her concern to the chat room (a bigger issue is that the husband isn't listening to the wife and they aren't a team as he plans to enter into a passive income activity that isn't really passive and is sure to involve her even though he probably doesn't even realize that between sips of kool-aid). She is rightfully concerned about her husband's plan for an inheritance. He heard from a relative about a lady who buys homes in other states, rents them out providing income, and then sells them a few years later.

Ah, investing in a cash-guzzling non-liquid asset with inheritance money, sight unseen, in a state you don't live in because you heard a tip from a relative. Screams bad idea!

I don't want to talk too much about real estate investing and get side-tracked, but I would recommend a first time investor create a situation of maximum flexibility: flexibility in the family budget to cover shortfall/losses, flexibility on the time frame, flexibility regarding property management or self-management.

When people who lack funds run into money (be it an inheritance, a platinum album, the lottery), they often act out of emotion. Below are some questions that I recommend those who run into money to consider. Readers are free to add their own questions.

1. Is our own personal financial situation under control?

2. Have we invested in our own income earning potential?

3. Are we investing in the future income earning potential of our children?

4. What are our predictable future financial needs and what level of liquidity do we need?

5. What level of risk is appropriate for our family?

6. What level of involvement in an investment works for our family?

7. What type of industries/investments interest us?

Especially for non-passive investments (and I'm not talking about passive from a tax perspective):

8. What will it cost to maintain this investment? What are the risks?

9. Do we currently have the relevant skills, experience, and support needed to make this work?

10. Are we on the same page regarding our investment(s) and can our family manage this considering all other needs?

While no one really wants their money sitting around losing money to inflation, there is absolutely nothing wrong with letting your money sit while you explore your get on the same page.

NASI: Is Someone Reading This Blog? and Continued Commentary

While I am not supportive of NASI's newest project for a myriad of reasons, including one which I will discuss below, I have to say I was a bit surprised to see the recent announcement at 5TJT's regarding internal controls and other things. It will be impossible to convince me that NASI will create an "airtight" financial system. There simply is no such thing. But I guess the sales pitch is similar to selling a girl on the market: they are all aaaaamazing! That said, requiring two signatures, only one of which will be a Rosh Yeshiva's signature, is a step in the right direction. I also see NASI has announced that no money from the new program will be used for the debt of the old program. It is almost like someone is reading this blog.

Let's cut to come other commentary in no particular order:

NASI continues to say that if it doesn't work, we are back where we started. This type of thinking is a fallacy. Taking $5,000 - $13,000 out of the bank accounts of families and young women from coast-to-coast surely comes with an opportunity cost, does it not? The time invested alone into the project means other ideas can't be pursued.

NASI is building this program on their belief that the "age gap" needs closed in order for Orthodox Jewish females to marry. They have a tremendous investment in this theory and their (throw-money-at-it) is tied to this singular issue. As I read the newest press release, I can't help but be concerned that they will declare the program a success, which leads to an tremendous communal opportunity cost.

In fact, NASI is already talking about involving communal funds should the program prove to be a success to create "parity between the haves and the have-nots." Creating parity, mind you, isn't a Tu B'Av initiative of wealthier single ladies lending their clothing to poorer single ladies to even the playing field. It involves MONEY. . . . . communal money. . . money that could be used to help fund K-12 yeshiva education. . . .money that could be used to help sick people. . . money that could be used for job programs/education. NASI asks, "Can there be a bigger communal chesed than having identified the price/cost that it takes to get a girl married? And remember, these communal funds will only get used once the girl(s) walks down the aisle."

Making marriage even more expensive and taking even more money out of the tzedakah pot is hardly a "chessed" in my book.

Over at YWN Coffee Room, someone sold on the NASI programwrites:

To everyone what is every bodys problem with NASI .If they set it up right and the money is protected ,show me 1 girl that gets engaged thru them that wont be happy.Trust me i am a shadchan when amotherof a 29 year old girl calls me ,i feel terrible because parents are burned out ,they heard almost every name ever created and the parents dont know at this point what their daughter is looking for.The same problem is with the boys.So please respect this org. and give them a chance to prove themselves to us that they mean buisness and chesed for older girls and telling us shadchanim to work on the older girls and not look for the easy way out.

This is sure to come out the wrong way (and, by no means to I believe that every 29 year old without a spouse has a "problem" at all), but the above is precisely why I think the throw-money-at-shadchanim solution is so faulty. The shadchan above mentions that there are older singles who have heard every name in the book. Some of these singles have even been out on dates with over 100 singles, none which have meant their fancy. Like I mentioned above, for each decision made, there is an opportunity cost. NASI is promoting a throw-money-at-shadchanim solution. But, if singles --or their Mommy/Daddy--have some (dare I say it?) underlying issues (from physical to emotional to employment issues), what good will that money do? There might just be better ways to spend/invest the money and end up under the same chuppah.

Ask Orthonomics: Is This Expense Justified

I received an interesting inquiry which I will present (abbreviated below)

Dear Orthonomics,

We are a family of six living in Israel with a monthly, post tax and post pension/savings plan income of approximately 16,000 NIS, (as per my exchange calculator approx $4300) give or take. Monthly expenses range between 17,500 and 19500 NIS I am in school and he works in the HiTech field. Prior to returning to school, monthly expenses were between 500 and 1000 NIS below our income . Our mortgage is our only debt and we pay approximately 3500 NIS per month.

Our children are in private school and the youngest is in private daycare. Returning to school has entailed additional childcare expenses. We don't have some of the more common luxuries, nor do we return to chutz l'aretz. Our grocery bill is relatively high, varying between 5000 and 6500 NIS/month.

Regarding savings, we have several hundred thousand NIS in savings and other investments. Half are in low risk investments. We draw several thousand NIS from liquid investments to cover the shortfall while I am in school. After graduation, we hope to add another 6000 NIS post tax to household income.

Now that I'm entering a more professional environment, I would like to put together a better wardrobe. I have one custom $1000 sheitel that is 10 years old, snoods, and scarves (my normal covering). I'm interested in purchasing a new sheitel and I have my eye on a 5300 NIS sheitel. I expect to enjoy it for 10 years.

My husband has concerns as to whether one wig will last so long and thinks in light of the current financial situation unnecessary expenses should be avoided. Our clothing budget for the past 12 months is approximately 7500 NIS, mostly children's clothing and good special sized shoes.

My question: is a 5300 NIS wig purchased for "mental health" justified.

Dear Readers,

Thank you for a writing. I can understand your dilemna as you begin to enter the working world. The situation in short is that you are currently drawing around $2500 a year on $26,000 of savings while you complete school. Your situation is not long term, nor untenable, especially as you continue to contribute to mandatory pensions.

It seems to me that buying a $1400 sheitel won't make or break the bank and there is something to be said for looking and feeling great while you are on display during clinical work. However, I tend to agree with the sentiment that it is best to hold off on unnecessary purchases, especially because you don't know what the future will bring post-graduation. The unknown is scary.

My suggestion, when faced with a luxury purchase that you really, really want is to seek alternatives. Perhaps there is someone selling a hardly used sheitel (happens all the time here) and you can score something wonderful for $500 or less. Perhaps there is a sheitel gemach and you can trade in your old sheitel for one in nice condition.

Since this is an area of contention, I think the default is to hold off the purchase and seek an alternative that works for both of you. I'm a big believer in coming to a solution that both husband and wife are comfortable with. I'd work to seek an alternative that fulfills the mental need in a way that is much less expensive (I do understand the need to sometimes have a wardrobe 'face lift'. And, you can even work to cut back an expense here or there to help cover the cost of the new-to-you sheitel, even though you are already frugal.

Sincerely,

Orthonomics

NASI: 5TJT publishes response--20 girls enrolled

In "First Class Singles" the editor of the 5TJT publishes a response from Rabbi Moshe Pogrow as well as his own editorial/commentary/free advertising (?). The editor should be called out on the carpet for publishing the rather edited response instead of the originally released drivel and diatribe. What a farce! A response was released that reflected just what the buyer might be getting themselves into and what type of people the buyer would be dealing with, and it gets cleaned up for newspaper publication in a day!

Three important differences I quickly noted, among other:

1) The line "beg, borrow, cheat, or steal" is GONE, replaced by "beg, borrow, or do whatever it takes"

2) The tone is more somewhat more gentle, less accusatory/blaming although a healthy dose remains. E.g. this line is gone: "It isn't only my fault that we as a community have utterly and totally failed these young women."

There is not asking a single hard hitting question asked and answered by the newspaper. Basically it is free publicity courtesy a publication that has some freedom of press, or at least more than the Yated or other publications. I'd say "kid gloves" defines the article, but I think my kids ask harder hitting questions than what we've got here.

Please don't think this post has replaced previous posts. In fact, see the previous post also (super important re: track record). As per the article, 20 are signed up. I don't know if that is emet or sheker, but NASI has found free advertising and I will use my cyberink too.

NASI: "He was Not Asked"

AZ back of the the coffee room asked about the Rabbinic endorsement (of the statement they endorse it, but they must work behind the scenes):

"Feel free to call Rav Shmuel Shlit”a:

Please note: He was NOT asked regarding this specific program and unless he reads the yated/hamodia etc most probably doesn’t even know about this specific program.

He is well aware who is guiding the project on a day to day basis “who is the “daas torah” behind it” and Rav Shmuel holds that person in great esteem and greatly values their judgment."

Pure Sheker. But at least the honest truth is coming through.

P.S. To those people who are going on the board saying that NASI is l'shem shamayim, I want you to understand that this is an attack on an idea, not a person and this attack is also in the name of heaven.

NASI: It just gets worse

AZ in the coffee room is the NASI representative. Below is a reponse which MUST be publicized before anyone takes $5000 or $13,000 to throw money at their singleness or their daughter's singleness. In a response which I believe I understand (the writing is still horrific), he states that yes in fact there are outstanding claims and furthermore that newly raised money can/will be/could be used for 1) Programming and 2) to pay outstanding claims back because in the original throw-money-at-it solution (from here on out NASI Round 1.

In other words, we have what I consider an open admission of a Ponzi program. There are strong defenders out there, but this is simply indefensible and even if "we" have to continue to say something for the sake of Emes. There are strong defenders of this near anonymous program and those who yell "what are you doing? as if a doing something is the be all and end all." Well, sometimes doing nothing is the best course of action. This social re-engineering and throw-money-at-it solutions are only going to drain needed resources and they won't strengthen the family or marriage. I don't like to waste my breathe, but I do believe that if you speak the truth, it eventually penetrates somewhere.

AZ's comments on NASI Round 1: (emphasis mine)

From NASI

re; the first program from a few years ago

The program when launched was subject to funds availability. That point aside, well over 125,000 was given out to shadchanim who made such shidduchim. That money was rasied by one individual . The program was B”H so successful tht we realized it couldn’t last forever. A decision was made to set a date for a few months in the future, after which we wouldn’t accept any new claims. Unfortanetly, what happened was that girls and boys families took advantage. When a qualifying shidduch got engaged, instead of giving standard shadchanus to the Shadchan, they gave 360 and said go to NASI they will give you. This was 1. Totally wrong as that wasn’t the intention of the program 2. Being that we were falling behind with raising the money, the shadchanim, were actually getting stiffed, not from parents and not from NASI. As such the program was stopped abruptly to all new claims.

At present all outstanding claims are still on file, if when we had the money we wuld pay it out. If we raise 2,000 tehn we have a decision to make, should we give to 2 of the outstanding claim, or should we do something like the BMG mailing which has been very effective in changing boys attitudes towards girls there own age or older. The R”Y advising the program have told us to keep our eye on the mission. If we come up with a lump sum (10k or something) we use some for present programs and pay back outstanding claims. If we don’t have that money we simply can’t pay. In the last few years in case you’ve noticed the economy isn’t great and fundraising hasn’t exactly been easy.

Yesterday a woman called with similar "taynos". After a brief discussion she had a much better understanding. She then suggested why didn’t we write a letter to all those people explain what I just wrote. And she is 1000% correct. Unfourtanetly we simply don’t have the manpower. I wish and beg that we had more people. This isn’t my day job, nor is it the day job of anyone (one other person) involved in the running (of the program). When I offered to send her the list and allow her to send out the letters in our name she politely declined. I’d make the same offer to any of you.

NASI Response to Those Who Question: Beg, Borrow, Cheat, or Steal,

For those looking forward to more bread and butter posts, please be patient. I'm a one trick pony this week and we are focusing on the train wreck at hand. See previous two NASI posts.

(Hat Tip: another fantastic reader) This letter is the response from the NASI director, Moshe Pogrow, that is being sent to those who have attempted to engage in conversation regarding their newest tactic and ad. NASI has moved from "proven" theories of an age gap to a recent advertisement and program that some believe threatens to inflate the market rate of "shadchanus."

This poorly written, mostly unintelligible, rambling letter is published below without comment. I will briefly state, however, that when I got to the line "beg, borrow, cheat, or steal" that just about summed up the entire farce for me. Sadly, the level of communication and clarity of thought leaves much commentary, little of it positive. Please be careful to keep comments civil and avoid:light-headedness". I simply have little to say except all who have bought into any of the "proven" theories and are acting accordingly should, after reading this, rethink all. Without further ado, the response in the original.

In the last few days feedback has been across the spectrum (as we knew it would be) and every single unhappy person one who has bothered to call and discuss it has left with a great appreciation and understanding as well as answers to all their questions and a 180 degree shift in the attitude towards the project. See the letter “before and after” for one just such example.

In addition, a key reason why the NASI Project has been so successful is because we know that no one has all the answers. Everything we have done has been based on myriads of insight from across the spectrum. At the same we cherish and value feedback from anyone and everyone. Every program is consistently, tweaked, adjusted and we attempt to constantly improve to accomplish maximum results. We appreciate look for everyone’s input.

That being said I realize that it isn’t realistic to speak to each and everyone on the phone, and thus I reluctantly will pen this letter. It is crucial theit be read in its entirety (although it is lengthy). In it we will deal will all the issue raised in this specific letter as well as all the issue others have raised as well.

In order to understand this program in particular we need to understand the big picture. We can then explain each and every detail of this program up to and including why (as it seems shortsighted) we have consistently decided to not put the names of the “Daas Torah” in writing.

1. Let’s being with a scientific definition of the shidduch crisis.

The number of non chassidishe orthodox young women who have been dating 5-10 years exceeds the number of non chassidishe orthodox young men who have been dating 5-10 years, BY HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS IF NOT THOUSANDS. Allow that to sink in. In other words, after a certain number of dating years, the number of available young women exceeds the available pool of young men. If I need to spell it out further, unless a situation develops that 23 year old boys suddenly look to date 32 year old young women, there are simply not enough young men for the young women past a certain age.

This is a tragedy of epic proportions with colossal ramifications.

(Allow a disclaimer. Because the last thing I want to do is hurt any young woman. For each individual young woman there are some opportunities, but bderech hateva there are a staggering number of young women who will suffer the tragedy of not getting married. I wish it wasn’t so and I certainly don’t want to write this, but we can pretend all we want this is the tragic reality.)

2. What is the undeniable root cause of this travesty?

The short answer is Age Gap. This has been acknowledged by a historic letter from 70 Roshei Yeshiva.

Every single person in Klal Yisroel is collectively and individually responsible for allowing this terrible situation to develop. Hashem did NOT cause this, he simply allowed us as a community to be blind to the results of our actions and we have thus CREATED and are RESPONSIBLE for the tragic situation.

I would hope by now that this concept which has been explained in this very forum numerous times is understood by all. If we have a island and place 100 boys and 100 girls on the island. At the end of the year it is simply impossible for there to be more single girls than boys, IMPOSSIBLE. If on that island we place 150 young women and 100 young men, than there will undoubtedly be a minimum of 50 young women who don’t get married. Even if all 150 has everything “going for them” with all the silly things we give importance to in shidduchim, there will still be 50 who can’t get married. Even if all 100 young men had no interest other than getting married to a nice young woman without any other criteria, there are 50 young women who can’t get married.

In the non chassidshe community, instead of it being 100 to 100 is it the situation of 100 to 150 (this is illustrative only, it is closer to 2,000 young men, and 22,00 young women). Approximately 200 young women have no realistic marriage opportunity. Not at 19 and not at 35.

The reason is simply because we have a structure where the young women enter Shidduch Island at approximately 19 and the young men at approximately 22.5. Being that B”H our population is continuously growing rapidly the younger age groups (by both boys and girls) are consistently larger than the older age groups. Song as young women get their passport to the island and 19 and young men only get it at 22.5 we continue to have each and every a large number of more girls starting to date than boys. The next year

the same thing occurs, and the next year as well. Thus even if every single boys gets married to a girl, there will be 200 girls each year (or 300 from one year and 100 from the other year) who simply can’t get married. Fast forward 10 years and we have the tragedy we are experiencing.

3. The Solution:

B’direch Hateva, the only way to alleviate the problem going forward it to close the Age Gap. This has and continues to be the sole foucs of the NASI Project. To alleviate the shidduch crisis by closing the Age Gap. For the last four years no stone has been left unturned in trying to make this happen.

This is accomplished by

a. Educating the community as to the core problem because without this absolutely no significant progress or change could be accomplished.

(Great strides have been made)

b. Breaking the stigma that previously existed against doing a shidduch with a young woman the same age or even a bit older.

Wonderful progress has been made as attested to by shadchhanim, mothers of boys, mothers of girls and girls themselves)

c. Figuring out way to encourage boys to begin dating slightly younger.

See a bit later in the article where I will come back to this. Herein lays the real yeshua.

d. Encouraging shadchanim to keep ages in mind when redding shidduchim

e. Encouraging shadchanim to focus on the girls who didn’t just start dating instead of spending almost all the energies on 19/20 year olds.

If/when shadchanim focus on young women who didn’t just start dating inevitable more close in age shidduchim will take place. If a 23 your old boy is redd to fifteen different 19 year old and two different 22 year olds, in all likelihood he will end up marrying a 19 year old. If a

23 year old boy is redd to fifteen, 22 year olds and two 19 year olds in all likelihood he will end up marrying a 22 year old.

Let’s now focus on point E/F. A year ago March a extremely effective program was launched in Montreal. It has now spread to Toronto, Chicago, Kew Gardens, Prospect Park HS, Machon (for the graduating class of 2004, and 50 Shuls in Flatbush/Five Towns and Far Rockaway. It will imy”h be coming to Monsey and Lakewood in the near future.

When it was initially launched it met with great resistance. The concept is that Shadchanim don’t make shidduchim. That the Ribbono Shelo Olam does. Shadchanim set up dates. Enough quality dates for girls who didn’t just start dating and bderech hateva they’ll get married.

The program is simply, is a Shadchan set up a young woman (above a certain age) on date #1 then in appreciation of the time and effort that is required to and goes into redding shidduchim Shadchan receives S 100. If it’s a quality idea the Shadchan receives $400. This money does not come from the parents, they don’t even know about the program.

The initial resistance was huge, and yet B”H the results of the program has been fantastic. With a tremendous amount of shidduch attention as measured by dates gone out, date number $ gone out (and yes engagements as well although that is a poor measuring stick because that is out of the hands of a shadchan. Quality attention is what we are after.

Let’ now discuss the present program.

Let’s imagine that Eliyahu Hanavi came to town and told a 22-year-old young woman that you if you help this poor person pay his medical bills by giving 5,000k I GUARNATEE you will be married by chanuka.

What would the 22-year-old young woman do?

Suppose he said that any 30-year-old-girl who donates 11,000, would be married by Chanuka. What would a 30-year-old, young woman do?

You know and I know that every SINGLE young woman would beg, borrow, cheat or steal but she would give Eliyhu Hanavi the money...

NASI isn’t Eliyahu Hanavi. We don't promise a weeding, we don't promise a date, we don't even promise a phone call. All we say is that not a penny of your money will be spent until after you walk down the chuppah.

If you would give it to Eliyahu Hanavi then obviously

A). A young woman girl feels it’s worth that amount

B). A young woman could come up with it.

What is the risk a .025 percent interest on a savings account?

A girl could try it for a month. If nothing happens take it back. If she gets married we all agree it will be well worth it.

Now let’s deal with some specific FAQ about the program

Q: Why does it go higher each year? It’s degrading insensitive and thoughtless to let a young woman know each year she gets older it costs more.

Q: Why does it start at 22? It’s so insensitive to make the 22 years-olds to feel like they are “older” or nebach cases.

Let’s imaging the program was for all young women 25+ the shadchanus is 5,000. Nice idea. Shadchanim will tell you that generally speaking the work involved in helping to bring a 35 young woman to the chuppah is exponentially more difficult (for myriads of reasons, one significant reason is as we discussed earlier the continuously diminishing pool of boys). If the compensation was the same for a 25 year old young woman as it is for a 35 year old young woman, then many many people would choose to put their kochso into a 25 year old young woman. The exact people who are upset about part of the program, are precisely the ones who will helped by it, no one else.

Let’s explain why it absolutely must start at 22. It’s not because they are Nebach’s. The vast majority of shadchanim (both fully time/part time and everything in between) probably well over 80% barely spend any time on the young women 25 and up. This is because the the larger pool of dating young men

are 22-24. The shadchanim spend their time on compatible matches for boys in that age range. As a result of a program for 25 and up there will certainly be more attention piad to those young women, but the vast majority of attention will still be focused on the young men 22-24.

Are the shadchanim going to redd those boys to 19 year old young women or to 22 year olds. The answer to this question will determine whether today’s 22 year old young women get married or whether today’s 22 year old young women become tomorrow’s 32/42 single young women.

If this program started only at 25 then shadchanim will continue to redd the 19 and 20 year olds to the larger pool of dating boys. By starting the program at 22 there is NO doubt that the tremendous group of 22 year old young women will NOT become 42 and single

We MUST start at 22 precisely because we want to do everything in our power to make sure that today’s 22 year olds do NOT become tomorrow’s 32 year olds.

Q: What about the girls who can’t afford.

As I showed earlier, for Eliyahu Hanavi they would come up with the money. What’s the risk? However and far more important is that this is a opportunity for poor young women to get the attention that previously only the wealthier did. Now a young woman who is not from a wealthy family has the change to get quality attention from 150 shadchanim across the country with NO RISK to her.

Q: Why are the dollar amounts so high

If there is significant added shidduch attention for the young women on the list, could that have been achieved for 3k instead of 5k. Frankly that's a minor question in the big picture. Certainly something that maybe should be adjusted if necessary but not a deal breaker. Basically, if a young woman gets married and pays 5k and maybe she could've gotten married and paid 3k.... Nu nu.... If a 30 year old gets married and spends 13k and could've gotten the same attention for 10k.... Nu nu

If the program doesn't help in any significant way then it will disappear, go the way of the horse and buggy and be forgotten very quickly.

Q: The feeling people have is their being blacklisted if they don't participate and no one will help anyone not joining

If 50 girls join the list. Do you really think every other girl will be blacklisted? If 150 girls join the list do you really think other girls will be blacklisted. It would be awfully hard to redd shidduchim to the 2,000 dating young men, if only 150 girls get dates....

If 2,000 girls join the list will the other girls be blacklisted? Maybe.

Remember, the only way 2,000 young women join (and stay in the list) is if it's so wildly successful and young women are getting married left and right. In that case, I think it's kedai to beg borrow or steal (a phrase a mother used) to get your daughter married.

Only time will tell if it works or not. If it works (meaning girls join and girls get married) then it's all good. If it doesn't, meaning either girls don't join, or they join and don't get married, then no harm no foul. No one spent any money other than NASI on some ads.

Before I answer the final question regarding the names of the Rabbinic supporters, I word regarding shadhcanim is critical.

This whole article and perhaps the program itself has the potential to paint shadcahnim as heartless money hungry ruthless mercenaries. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Allow me to explain.

In speaking to people I’ve asked them how many shidduchim do they think a typical very very busy Shadchan make each year. Peoples response where very telling 50 a year. 300 shidduchim a year.

It is totally out of touch with reality. The typical very very busy Shadchan makes 6 or 7 a year. To make 6/7 a year means that the Shadchan has forfeited their family life, they have zero menucha, can’t go to weddings without being bombarded, they can’t do homework with their children, they are called and besieged at all hours of the day and night and people are upset at them. Why they don’t call back etc. For a typical shidduch a shachan receives total from both sides together between 2,000 and 3,000 dollars. 6/7 shidduchim equals a whopping grand total of a whopping 12,000 to 21,000 a year. (and many many times the Shadchan receives far less. It is on RARE occasions that they receive more).

There are three kinds of full time shadchnim

1. Those who are so prolific that they actually make a parnassah sufficient to basically support their family with it. There are perhaps 4 such people in the country. They make 23 a year, they may be hired by cities, there may be some people who “hire them privately” and with everything together they put together a parnassah to pay their tuition (barely) grocery etc.

2. People (usually women) whose husbands make a good enough parnassah to enable to spend their time as they wish. Some women are good souls and instead of spending their time shopping etc, they have dedicated their lives to try their utmost to help make shidduchim. We can well understand the the number of woman who nowadays are not called on to help support the family is very very small. (and of those who could, what would motivate a regular person to chose for themselves the lives I’ve depicted.)

3. People who are either insane or simly saints. Their families really need their parnassha, they don’t earn a parnsaah from shidduchim. Yet they are cut from a different cloth then they rest of us and they do it anyway. It would be great if we could clone these people but realistically the nuber of people like this you can count on one hand. (subliminally we as a community expect everyone who redds a shidduch to be such a person. They are supposed to be available all times day and night etc. we think somehow by virtue of someone trying to redd shidduchim a little bit, they automatically become obligated to take on the role of a saint. Clearly this is simply unrealistic and unfair and simply a result of UNDERSTANDABLE pain and frustration on the part of the singles, but it won’t changes the reality.

Now we wonder: Why don’t we have more people redding shidduchim. Why don’t we have more people who are redding shidduchim they should redd shidduchim to the slightly older, young women.

Is the answer obvious now? Who can afford the time it takes to dedicate hour and hours to redd shidduchim in general. Bringing a 30 year old young woman to a chuppah it immeasurable more work than making a shidduch for a 20 year old. For the time and effort shadchanim are putting in the would like to at least she nachas. Forget the 2/3 thousand dollars. They would at least like to she a shidduch happen. Isn’t it clear why we have so few people who dedicated their time to this? Why the VAST MAJORITY of those who do try of course are severely limited in the amount of time they can spend as the need to work to help support their own families!

This program is an effective way of achieving two separate goals.

1. Going forward it can effectively continue to close the age gap and thus we will not be in the same devastating situation we ate today.

2. For the young women today who already past a certain age at which they are now in a precarious situation. This can give them the opportunity to get as much and as vast shidduch attention which will afford them the greatest possible opportunity of walking down the aisle.

Finally: Why aren’t the Rabbinic supporters named in the any of the NASI ads

The true and short answer is because I was specifically told not to. I will offer you a glimpse into part of the reasoning behind that directive, although as will be self is evident there is a risk in what I am writing.

Far greater than any of these programs that are in the public eye is the work behind the scenes that has the ability to practically totally solve the crisis going forward. There is a plan on the table that if/when implemented will bdirech hateva save/protect close to 1,000 girls over the next 8 years. This plan needs to be implemented by the Roshi Hayeshiva and Rabbonim only. Perhaps Askanim can get involved to help move it along. It calls for a minimal structural change with almost no downside that will bring with it many side benefits in addition to saving 1,000 girls. The “Daas Torah” if you may, feels they have a much greater chance of effecting that change if their involvement is behind the scenes.

Unfortunately, change is hard to come by and thus it is a process that is taking far to long and the victims of this inexcusable situation are the precious Bnos Yisroel

Rav Shmuel Kametzky Shlit”a and many many well respected and well known Roshei Yeshiva and Rabbonim know who is the guiding force of the program and under whose guidance everything takes place. Feel free to ask them. It isn’t only my fault that we as a community have utterly and totally failed these young women.

Over the last two years we as a community have collectively expended inordinate amount of time energy and resources on all kinds of wonderful and important issues. R’ Shalom Mordechai Rubashkin, the boys in Japan and others. There is no doubt that the lives of 1,000 of our precious bnos Yisroel, is far far more urgent than any of these programs.

In addition, WE CAUSED THE TRAGEDY, WE ARE RESPONSIBLE. Yet day after day they and their families continue to suffer in silence. Where is the kinus demanding that these changes be implemented? Where are the articles, WHERE IS THE COMMUNITY.

And therefore, if the best chance to hopefully/ maybe bring to fruition such change (and other ideas) and save 1,000 of our precious daughters and sisters requires that the NASI Project is accused of hiding behind the cloak of anonymity. It’s well worth it.

After 120 year we want to be able say yadeinu lo shafchu es hadam hazheh.

I hope that those who read this article in it’s entirety and take the time to understand it, will then have a better understanding and have answers to their questions. I wish I could explain it in person to every single person, but I realize it is simply not feasible.

Hachosem b’dema, but with hope and knowledge that the yeshua is very attainable.

Moshe Pogrow

Director

NASI Project