Friday, March 16, 2012
Tutorial in how NOT to make financial (or other) decisions
ProfK brings up the dirty subject of cleaning help, approving of this wife's methodology in "setting the matter". ProfK concludes her post, " we ought to take the issue of cleaning help out of the public discussion venue and put it back where it belongs--between husband and wife. To blithely put cleaning help into the category of unnecessary luxury or forbidden to those who get a tuition reduction, for instance, is to be blind to the individual circumstances that surround that cleaning help."
The individual circumstance in this case (and others) is the lack of relating as equals. Some signs that you might not be relating as equals:
1. Party one informs the other of their decision.
2. Party two person sets out to "teach a lesson".
3. Party one returns to the status quo.
If a marriage functions on such a methodology, making any change, financial or otherwise, is going to be very difficult.
I often say that something which looks like a financial issue is often just the cover for another issue and the financial aspect is only one manifestation. When it comes to thrift and developing more thrifty habits, certain approaches within a marriage may need to be modified and a more egalitarian approach might need to be implemented. The above scenario is "case in point."
I'd like to explore this issue more, but I'm running up against pushing my own limits as we continue to move from a more defined set of duties to a different model. We all come into marriage with our own 'mesorah' of how things are to function, and when we need or want to make a change, we need to understand what lies under the surface in order to actual broach the subject of change.
(Shabbat Shalom and Happy Pesach Cleaning).