Chag Sameach and a Nice Commentary on the Four Questions

Since this will most likely be my last post before the Yom Tov, I want to take this time to wish my readers and my friends a Chag Kasher V'Sameach. Pesach is a great holiday in our family and we have been looking forward to it for a while now. Besides some of the great Pesach foods, it is really great to be around the table with all of the siblings and cousins. It is heartwarming to see their enthusiasm, hear them sing songs, and share their haggadot.

Since we have really been looking forward to Pesach, we got an early start on looking through the Haggadah. I thought it would be fun to share a Torah thought from one of our Haggadot on the Four Questions. These thoughts are so relevant to how we raise our children, and it will be nice to take this Pesach (one of the New Year's) into the rest of the year.

Rabbi Shelomo Halevy Alkabets explains that the child does not ask because he is afraid of making a mistake. He does not know how to phrase his question and lacks confidence. Therefore, the parent should try to lead him into a conversation, to encourage him, to strengthen him, to strengthen his confidence. Through the conversation, the child will have the opportunity of expressing himself. This child has understanding and knowledge, and it is the parent's responsibility to help the child express himself. (Rabbi Hayyim Yosef David Azulai, Geulat Olam.)

The child who does not even know how to ask lacks imagination and curiosity. The parent has an obligation to tell the story of the miraculous exodus, thereby stimulating the child's imagination. Even such a child can advance intellectually if he is encouraged to ask questions, to find out the meaning of things. (Rabbi Yaacov Houli, Me'am Lo'ez).

The four children are paralleled by four kinds of parents. The wise parent encourages the child to learn and to ask. The wicked parent treats religious symbolism with scorn, separating himself form the community. The naive parent does not trouble to student and learn, and has no deep knowledge of Torah and Jewish tradition. In each of these three cases, the children follow the models set by their parents.

The child who does not know how to ask is the most unfortunate child. Children are naturally curious and are always asking questions [tell me about it!]. To find a child who is unable to ask is shocking, even frightening. Such a child exists because of the domineering nature of the parent. A parent who is constantly criticizing the child, always silencing him, and frequently showing him disrespect-such a parent deprives the child of self-esteem. The child suppresses question because he is afraid, because his parent have not given him self-esteem.

The Haggadah teaches parents to reevaluate their own roles in relationship to their children, to open channels of communication. If parents and children can sit around the same table, can celebrate the festival, can discuss words of Torah-then there is hope.