Auctions and Gemachs (Free Loan Societies)

There are two ways one should NOT attempt to acquire a silver menorah. Both were suggested in a thread on imamother:

1. Enter Chinese Auctions: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. If you want something, don't gamble to get it. Put the money in an envelope. Your odds of actually ending up with that special item will be much higher!

2. Borrow from a Gemach (free loan society). Even if a free loan society does not technically give tzedakah (loans are to be repaid, but there is a still a element of tzedakah insofar as opportunity cost), and even if a free loan society does not ask the recipient of funds what they will be used for, the purpose of a free loan society, as I understand it, is to invest in something bigger. Somehow, a silver menorah doesn't top my list of investments and it seems wrong to suggest that money (a scarce good) should be taken from pot so that a young married can purchase a menorah, leaving less for a proprietor to purchase a new oven for a bakery, a parent to fund an emergency operation for a child, or a student to complete the final semester of medical school. Money is not unlimited.

It is no wonder that the profile of the average tzedakah recipient is changing, the subject of my last post (with thanks to The Jewish Worker). Perhaps tzedakah organizations are becoming bailout agencies because free loan societies are becoming "interest free credit card" companies?

If a couple wants a silver menorah, and they have the means to pay back a gemach/free loan society, then they have the means to SAVE for a menorah. No need to take out a loan on the community, and no need to gamble!

Ben Ish Hai re: Gambling Issues

Continuing with some interesting passages from the Ben Ish Hai's instruction guide to women (translated from Arabic to English). Full disclosure: my children enjoy basic card games, checkers, and backgammon.

In the past, on this blog, I have put out my own theory that certain types of fundraisers, in the name of tzedakah mind you, could possibly tempt people to "give" more than is prudent because they have a proclivity towards gambling. It is nice to see I'm not barking up my own tree on this issue. For whatever reason, the Ben Ish Hai only seems to address mothers keeping their daughters from such games, yet addresses what such games do to "him", although the conclusion is that none are to play such games. Issues of tzniut are only addressed secondly.

Ben Ish Hai on "Innocent Games"

A mother should prohibit her daughter from participating in card games, checkers, backgammon, and other such games. These games cause people to become compulsive players. This obsessive attraction for the game eventually takes its toll on the person 0 he becomes increasingly disinterested in other aspects of his life, such as his means of earning a living and his relationships with people. In order to support his habit, the compulsive player resorts to theft and fraud, as well as other illegitimate means of earning a living. Thus, a mother would do well to keep her daughter away from such games.

Furthermore, these games usually evoke an atmosphere of lewdness and frivolity. When men and women play these games together, the Evil Inclination dances between them and arouses their desires. Many men have lost their money in such games, and, unfortunately, many women their repute. In Bagdad, there have been reports of many wealthy people losing their entire fortunes as a result of their obsession to these games. For this reason, there is a decree prohibiting anyone, both men and women, from playing them.

[Passage continues with resisting the temptation to play even once]

BINGO and Say What?

Some ideas are starting to surface regarding just how costs are going to be reduced in day schools. (I will hopefully find time for an Orthonomics radical brainstorm session). The following six ideas were presented by Rabbi Saul Zucker, OU Director of Day School Services (from an article in The Forward):

• Establishing a health plan for yeshiva school employees nationwide, via the O.U., that will be administered by a corporation that already insures tens of thousands of employees.
• Reducing energy costs by converting schools to alternative power sources, such as solar and wind. Zucker said the O.U. had located an agent willing to do a free assessment of conversion costs for individual schools.
• Setting up a kehilla, or community fund, via local Orthodox congregations to allow schools to broaden their fundraising base beyond the families of their students.
• Using a professional grants consultant, to be made available via the O.U., to identify government and private sources for additional financial support and draft the grant proposals to obtain the funds.
• Having yeshiva students, parents and faculty use and get others to use a custom Internet toolbar offered through the O.U. for their Web browser. With each click, corporate sponsors whose ads jump to the top of searches will contribute to a fund to be maintained by the O.U. and disbursed to the schools.
• Holding bingo fundraising events to generate income.

Admittedly, I have a bit of a, uh, queasy reaction towards introducing BINGO. I imagine that introducing BINGO could be a big money maker (Rabbi Zucker says “Yes, I know there are some naysayers who think bringing up bingo is shameful and ridiculous, but there is a yeshiva school in Norfolk, Virginia, that has organized a weekly bingo night, with the help of parents, that has raised $300,000 per year for their school! The principal told me that without weekly bingo, they wouldn’t have been able to survive.”) But, I really have a dislike for bringing gambling so close into our communities, and as I type this I can feel a lump developing in my throat.

Long time readers know that I am not particularly comfortable with the so very popular Chinese Auctions to say nothing of regular BINGO, but in a brainstorming session, ideas should not be quickly dismissed. Nevertheless, bringing in new money is absolutely essentially, so I can see the utility of BINGO. Ultimately, introducing more gambling as a partial solution to our money problems will have to be on the shoulders of community Rabbonim and Gedolim.

Readers: would you be supportive of introducing BINGO as a fundraiser for your child(ren)'s school?

And, now, onto the SAY WHAT? part of my post.

At the end of the article in The Forward, the vice president of the Los Angeles Maimonides school is quoted regarding the possibility of things getting worse:

"There are people that are not only putting their kids in public schools because it’s cheaper, but they’re also home-schooling them.”

Certainly he met to say *not only home-schooling their children, but placing them in public school*, right? [Updated for clarity: Or is homeschooling possibly considered the greater of the two "evils" by some? I don't want to read too far into his comment, but it seems to me that when the choice is between public schooling and home schooling, giving home schooling a fair shake should be given acceptance as a valid option].

For a related article, see the Beliefnet blog. Thank you to a friend who introduced me to Google Alerts.

Are Raffles a Good Idea in this Environment

Like many of you, I am involved in at least on community institution and I think all of us involved understand one simple thing: the money is just simply not flowing in and the word insolvency is on tip of the tongue. Another thing we know is that if someone gives you a donation, they probably aren't going to give you a second donation, so there is little room for failure.

Ariella's son just came home from school with a note that in order to meet payroll, the school must engage in fundraising and that at this time each boy is expected to sell $100 tickets for a $100,000 raffle.

A little simple math is helpful in evaluating such a fundraiser. To cover the costs of such a raffle (and there are so many of them out there) the students/parents/fundraisers must sell 1000 tickets just to break even. In actuality they must sell more because there are also promised incentives for those that sell. I don't know what the likelihood of selling more than 1000 tickets is, but I believe the likelihood is rather low. Perhaps the likelihood of a loss is higher. If I was on a board where such a fundraiser was suggested, I would be at the forefront fighting the idea. Fundraisers are not my game, but I think a large expected prize combined with a very high ticket price is an equation for a potential loss.

Personally I have a distaste for gambling fundraisers and a distaste for children being asked to go door-to-door. Ariella had a more modest proposal that the boys used the time off of school before Pesach to work, helping harried parents with random chores, errands, and babysitting. As I try to get all the things I need to get done before Pesach, I can say this: I would NOT, under any circumstances, entertain buying a $100 raffle ticket (when I get calls to buy such tickets from boys or girls fundraising for their school, I always tell them I will give a small donation to the school and note their name in a note, but I don't want to feed into the pricey fundraising frenzy), but I would entertain paying a bochur to help out with some household projects that need taken care of so long as they show up with their painting clothing on.

Variety Post: Links and Comments on a Whole Bunch of Stuff

Poverty in Eretz Yisrael

(Hat Tip: Esther) Jonathan Rosenblum has just published a column "Can We Talk Seriously About Poverty?"

He details many of the side-effects of crushing poverty:

• Increased defection rates, inability to provide children with services they need to thrive in the Chareidi community, potential association of Torah with deprivation and strife amongst youth.
• Inviting the yetzer hara into financial dealings. This year alone here in America we have had enough arrests here to fill a book. From Spinka earlier in the year to Wextrust just this month, the DOJ, IRS, and SEC have enough work to keep their lawyers busy for a long time to come. Get rich scams are prevelant in the Orthodox community. I detailed my disappointment when the Yated an a free advertisement for one such scheme. Vosizneias recently ran a warning about the Goji scam which has apparantely become quite popular in certain enclaves. Gambling is also a growing problem. And a lot of what passes for "investment" looks more like gambling. Yashrut is seriously lacking, but that really shouldn't come as a surprise because where desperation is the rule, you can be sure that the yetzer hara will win. Chazal told us this long ago in Pirkei Avot.
• Loss of self-respect when one depends on others.
• Putting money first in shidduchim is causing marital problems.
• Serious health issues.

What Mr. Rosenblum does not do is offer any answers. He knows the solutions of the past (greater government support, contributions from Jews abroad, and adopting a simpler lifestyle) have failed and will only continue to fail. And, while he claims not to have any solutions writing, "What the solutions might be I do not know. But it is clear that we cannot afford to hide our heads in the sand and not address the issue," I believe that the real issue is that he, nor any respected member of the Chareidi community, is actually allowed to "Talk Seriously About Poverty." Planting questions is as much "talking" as is allowed, if that.

Talking about poverty will expose an education system that is leaving its constituents unable to thrive in a 21st century job market. (You can't even talk about jobs until you talk about job preparations). Talking about poverty will challenge the community leaders and Gedolim, which challenges the heart of the community. Talking about poverty will bring up questions of prudence in regards to young marriage and extremely large families, defining factors of this community.

Talking about poverty simply isn't something the community is ready to do. In America, we have a similar issue when it comes to Yeshiva Tuition. We all know the problem is huge. But real talking isn't taking place yet. Hopefully it will take place before economic reality really takes over.

Update: The Wolf has also made some comments and Rabbi Horowitz posted the article. A commentor at Cross-Currents believes the problem will solve itself when unemployed/underemployed Chareidim do what immigrant groups always do: work menial jobs, start small businesses, and educate their children. I think we would all like to believe that. But, I would say there has bee a serious change of work ethic and business has also changed. Perhaps in a few years we will all be hiring Chareidi cleaning help?

Reputations, Shidduchim, and Criminals

As Jonathan Rosenblum related in his article, con-men run free in the Orthodox community because of financial desperation. Another type of man that runs free are molesters and rapists. The desperation here is none other than shidduchim. And this desperation turns tzedek, yashrut, and rachamim on its head. In Boro Park, police have DNA evidence that links the abduction and sexual assault of a 4 year old to that of a 14 year old.

Scared that their daughters will lack shidduchim in the future (no thanks to community members who lack the ability to keep their lips zipped), the police can't get much cooperation from the families. And, so another sexual criminal runs free to rape more young Jewish girls.

Chinuch and Crime Control

Rabbi Horowitz posted an article on chinuch written by a Rabbi Brezak. The story behind the article is that boys were caught on camera vandalizing the girls school and causing serious financial loss. After the boys were told that the principal might turn over the video, the criminal activity stopped.

The author then writes, "At first glance, the way this incident was handled appears to be chinuch at its best. The boys were made aware that their unscrupulous deeds would bring them dire consequences, thus discouraging them from similar antics in the future.
However, after careful examination, we realize that this is not chinuch; it is crime control."

Perhaps I am missing something (I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time), but it seems that whatever chinuch these boys should have received vis a vis not damaging other people's stuff was lost upon them and that "crime control" (and under the category of crime control I would include RESTITUTION) is "chinuch at its best" this point. These boys need to understand that their actions have consequences and, while it would have been nice if they understood this before going out and damaging property, they don't and now they need consequences.

More on property damage later. This subject is one that desperately needs addressed and I might as well take the bait later.

Kids Need a Multi-Thousand Dollar Experience to Learn these Skills?

The Aish.com Mom Blog author, Emuna Braverman, hails the glory of camp writing:

"At camp, kids learn some basic cleanup skills (can I brag about my daughter's bunks 10+ neatness grade?), some laundry skills and most of all, some interpersonal and conflict resolution skills. They are thrown together with the other girls 24/7 and they have to work their issues out (even when someone dares to touch their things or sit on their bed!). They learn to negotiate the complicated weaving of new friendships and old ones. They learn about kindness and about sharing (woe to the camper who hoards a care package!). They learn about team spirit and how to really create unity through everyone's involvement."

Camp has been sold to the Orthodox community as a complete necessity, rather than a luxury. And, as such, I've seen many articles, letters to the editors, etc, glorifying the learning experience of camp. This is not the first time I've heard about basic cleanup and laundry skills as a big plus. Am I the only one who find it ridiculous to think kids *need* a multi-thousand dollar experience to learn to take some basic responsibility? If so, our kids have been catered to far too much. The skills named certainly can be learned without spending somewhere between $2000 to $6000 a month, especially when the parents are hurting to provide this experience.

A Bunch of Topics: Purim, Rewards, Aggressive Collections, and More

Reader and frequent commentor "Anonymous Mom" asks in the comments section to last post:

I have a Purim-related question. I just found out that the learning for boys that has become en vogue in many Shuls on Purim morning is often sponsored by people financially so that they can get the merits of the learning or some other Zechus for their family. In other words, the boys are being told that if they learn for an hour in the Shul after Megillah, they will get a door prize, plus be entered for a big-ticket item such as an IPOD or expensive bike. I found this out because we asked the Shuls in our area if they could give the boys the name of a sick relative of ours to keep in mind and say Tehillim for while they are there and we were told we would have to cough up some money. Every Shul, but one had the same response. Any thoughts on this?

I'm hoping the readers might have some answers for her.

I think my readers know my feelings on rewards, especially expensive rewards. I want to add one thing. . . .not every parent wants their child to have an IPOD! I'm one of those parents. I'm from the days of Walkmans and my parents did not allow me to have a Walkman. At the time, I thought they were the most terrible parents, not allowing me to have what "everyone" else had.

I wanted to be able to listen to music of my choice in private. My parents thought the boom box (another blast from the past) placed in my own room was enough privacy. They had their preferences in music, so if I was breaking the rules, I had to listen quietly. My parents didn't like seeing kids tuned out from their own families while on vacations, etc, as they were too busy with their walkmans.

Today, I've turned into my parents and I'm sure my own children will be crying that they are the "only" ones without an IPOD (or whatever the next new thing is).

My question would be: is it appropriate for a shul or school to offer a prize that some (terrible) parents would not want their children to receive? And, while I am not a big reward type of parent, but, since the rewards culture seems to be the prevailing culture, what rewards would be motivate teenagers and still be parent approved? (A less expensive bike would be fine by me if I could appreciate the learn for an hour and potentially win a huge reward--sorry, I just can't jump on this boat. . . . 1 hour! Come on!).

Updated: Commentor Rachel asks her own question:

"Can you claim that the Torah that was learned was Lishma? Does the zchus on non Lishma learning count? I know young kids don't usually get the concept of learning Lishma, hence the concept of rewards such as candy. But if the reward is an ipod, clearly these are bigger kids who should be able to understand Lishma. (maybe we are just extending childhood by another 5 years) Anyone knows the answer to this question?"

I'd say she is onto something.

Let the comments fly.

Gambling Literature For Your Yeshiva Student

Recently I highlighted a Letter to the Editor in the Yated labelled the "Gambling Crisis." I'm not sure how much of a problem gambling is in the frum community, but I am sure it is a growing issue (possibly fueled by desperation, lack of a vision for an achievable plan) that has negatively impacted the lives and the finances of many a family in klal yisrael. I also know that gambling comes in many different forms including "investing" which may include putting a lot of (sometimes borrowed money) on risky stocks, businesses, or real estate. It may also take the form of "tzedakah" potentially masking problems that could be more easily diagnosed if the "donor" was going to Atlantic City or Vegas and diverting money away from basic necessities. And, of course, we have gambling with a hashgacha such as the Chareidi Lotto in Israel which I reported on not too long ago.

The proclivity towards gambling can be included in any discussion about the draw to other vices and temptations that will never be eradicated completely. What I have an issue with is mainstreaming gambling, and especially mainstreaming it at a young age.

I'm sure it is obvious that I like to read articles and editorials in frum publications. Recently, while at a friend's home, I picked up a publication geared towards children the young elementary grades called the Binah Bunch. It appears to be a publication geared towards elementary Bais Yaakov students and cheder boys.

Therein was a story about a father and his son. The father was reading the newspaper and recognized the numbers from the lotto. He called to his son, "do you still have the lotto ticket you bought last week?" The son finds his ticket and is thrilled to find out he is now rich. The story continues about his dreams of being a gvir (running into easy money and becoming a "gvir" isn't exactly the dream I have for my own children) and some halachot given over by a pesky little sister who informs him he will have to put his ticket in his pocket during tefilla as he can only hold a siddur. In the end, the boy finds out his ticket is a week old which is supposed to convey some sort of lesson, but it wasn't the message I'm afraid the kids reading it will receiving.

As you noticed, I highlighted the words which indicated the father was knowingly involved in introducing his young son (a son who can't even buy a lotto ticket himself legally) to gambling and the unhealthy focus on making easy money that comes with such (we an all dream and we all do dream, but I don't think this is something to encourage particularly). This (hopefully) fictional character wouldn't be the first father to introduce his sons to gambling, but he might the first portrayed in a large velvet kippah and a long beard.

Here is a blast from the past my husband and I ended up discussing after seeing this story. When I was in early elementary school (the same grades as the readers of the Binah Bunch magazine), the lotto became legal and it was the craze. There were parents whose children would mimic adults by carrying around their own lotto tickets their parents had dutifully bought for them. My parenets would have no part in any of this and spoke a lot that year about wealth, gambling, and chasing dreams. I recall a lot of these conversations took place at one particular gas station that was littered with discarded tickets (which I wanted to pick up and take to school since it was "cool.") My parents spoke a lot about how wealth is normally built through hard work and discipline, how those who receive a windfall and lack discipline often loose it all, how the gambling industry makes its money by ensuring an large overall loss, how the odds are stacked against this player, and how people can loose tremendous sums of money in the long run as they spend just "one dollar" more thinking it will be the winning ticket out. My parents would also point out how gambling preys on those who can afford it least by pointing out establishments in rough intercity areas (normally stations near a pawn shop and a check cashing establishment).

The teachers were also visibly annoyed with this lotto craze. I remember them telling students to put away tickets, confiscating them at times. They expressed their distaste and eventually the gambling distraction seemed to pass. While advertisers for the lotto were clearly doing their best to sell an entire generation on the lotto, even before any of us could legally buy our own tickets, the teachers were not participating directly or indirectly as I recall (and the public schools were a beneficiary of some of the proceeds).

Unfortunately, it seems that gambling is being mainstreamed in the chinuch of some frum children. I'm not about to come out and say we should live in a world where any game of luck should be made assur (playing card games can be a lot of fun, dreidel is a highlight of Chanukah and part of our messorah, entering a store raffle is something I've done from time to time and once my mother won a necklace during a jewlery demonstration in Sears which was exciting). But, I can't help but be concerned when a story about a young boy buying his own lotto ticket, with his father's knowledge and approval, is featured in a children's publication.

How did such a story make it past the editorial board of a frum children's magazine? (This is cynical, so please excuse me, but there is no way a young girl's elbow would have made it past). Somehow, I'm guessing that a similar story would not have made it past the editorial board of Scholastic Magazine, although perhaps I'm out of touch and mistaken. Parents seem to be demanding more and more frum publications out of fear of the Berenstein Bears (yes, Berenstein Bears as bad reading material was featured in a Yated letter to the editor long ago). But, do these same parents know what their kids are reading about and what values are being promoted?

Ultimately, a society that has 9th graders taking a dreidel spin for $10 a turn, shouldn't be shocked that a "crisis" is brewing. Presuming the Yated Letter Writer did not over exaggerate, it shouldn't be surprising to find out this brewing 'crisis' also has a self-inflicted component.

Perhaps it is time to look deeper into what messages our children are receiving about gambling in particular and money/wealth/material objects in general. Because between the very popular Chinese Auctions, which are highly tempting, to "innocent" stories like the one I have featured in this post, might be sending some messages that we don't particularly want our children to be receiving.

Or, perhaps I'm just off my rocker and there really is not problem with elementary students buying lotto tickets and/or reading about it.

Gambling for School Age Children

Hope I caught your attention! This week's Yated features some responses to last week's Chinuch Roundtable. Unfortunately the email version of the Yated does not include the Chinuch Roundtable, so I'm working off the Readers Write section.

As my regular readers know, I have little interest in elaborate reward systems for children and have many doubts about their long term effectiveness or propriety. There is academic literature to the same effect and any reward system used should be used sparingly in my opinion.

It seems that a number of mechanchim have established a system of rewards where those with tickets must gamble for prizes via a Chinese Auction. I'm afraid that on of my local schools will be doing this, if they haven't started already. Some parents have already told me the rewards system is too over the top for them. But, we aren't attending that school. So, it isn't my personal battle, at least not presently.

My regular readers also know that I am no cheerleader of for current, very popular, fundraising method amongst adults. But, I find it outrageous to be introducing gambling (and that is what a Chinese Auction is plain and simple) into schools, making gambling seem exciting and acceptable. Of course, the kids who worked hard and gambled their tickets away for no return, will hopefully be turned off by gambling (the impetus for the Chinuch Roundtable question I believe). But, those who win will probably be excited by gambling, and that isn't a lesson I expect schools to be teaching children.

In the last post I asked if Financial Education for school children is something we should asking our schools to implement. I voted Nay because I just don't trust that what could be taught will mesh what I would like taught and will actively be teaching. Giving children an option to gamble their tickets away as a "reward" is more evidence that our schools just aren't ready to introduce personal finance into the classroom.

If you seek being active in the chinuch your children are receiving, a review of the rewards system and a letter writing campaign where inappropriate would certainly be in order. I know friends of mine (whose children go to school/attend events where big rewards are used) are concerned that reward system is a negative, creating little negotiators, entitlement, and larger than live expectations. So, I'm sure any parent that decides to be the squeaky wheel will be much appreciated.

Financial Infidelity II: Gambling

The letter that follow is from this week's Yated Letter to the Editor. This letter fits well into the "Our Finances" series (I and II) and adds to the previous topic "Financial Infidelity" and well as the "Get-Rich-Quick" mentality discussed recently. It isn't the more positive post I was looking to post, but that will have to wait. My comments in orange.

THE GAMBLING CRISIS [Gambling in frum circles deserves a "crisis" label imo].

Dear Editor,

I would like to begin by thanking Rabbi Pinchos Lipschutz and the Yated for the wonderful job done on a weekly basis. The divrei Torah and up-to-date news that the Yated provides to Klal Yisroel is a tremendous kiddush Hashem. Of course, like so many others, I especially look forward to the interesting letters in the Readers Write section. I have decided to write this letter to make the public aware of a problem that is affecting us in the frum community, and I hope you publish it. I have been reading the letters about the shidduchim crisis and money issues, which I wholeheartedly agree are matters that should be discussed in public. This issue that I am writing about is not mentioned in our circles at all and I think it is a growing problem in our community. Parents, wives and mechanchim should know about this issue, which can rip apart families and destroy lives. The issue I am writing about is gambling.

The Gemara says in Maseches Sanhedrin (24a) that a person who is a mesacheik b’kuvya - who bets on pigeons (one who gambles) - is posul for eidus. There is a machlokes as to the reason that this is so. The Gemara discusses whether it is because if you gamble, you are not really letting the other person take the money, and if you win, it’s like stealing, or because since you don’t have a real job, you might take a bribe to say false testimony. Whatever the reason is, it is definitely something that the Torah does not allow (creates distasteful character traits too). What makes gambling such a problem (and anyone who has been involved with it can attest to this) is that like drugs and alcohol, it is very addictive. Whether it’s because of the thrill of winning or the dream of becoming instantly rich, it can make someone obsessed with playing “just one more hand.” There are many types of gambling. There is gambling on Chanukah, where a spin of a dreidel in a ninth-grade class can go for $10 (parents should be outraged if schools allow money, as opposed to candies, to be used in school for Chanukah. . . . I know I would be), or where a quick office game of kvitlach can lose your husband a week’s paycheck in a matter of minutes! (Not mentioned is Chinese Auctions, which I discuss here. My readers know I'm no fan of this popular fundraising method and I wonder if the "gateway" to other types of gambling can start innocently through giving).

Then you have lottery tickets, which can be purchased by a 16-year-old boy using his bar mitzvah money or weekly allowance. (I have yet to discuss "Their money" in much details on this blog, with the exception of this post, but I do think parents must hold their children to an agreement of what is and what isn't an appropriate expenditure with "their money," i.e. the money that have to spend while food, shelter, and education are being provided for them. Money for lotto tickets would not be one of those appropriate expenditures).

The greatest addiction for most men involved in gambling is the game of poker. It has become extremely popular since the turn of the century, with millions getting hooked. There are many places to play, some that are legal, some that are not. There are also online poker sites (they are illegal in the United States, but the owners are very smart and base them out of other countries), where one can play and lose lots of cash from the comfort of one’s own home and with the click of a mouse! The options are endless. It’s an addiction that has caused many people their friendships, their jobs, and, chas v’shalom, their marriages.

I know of cases where wives think their husbands are at work or elsewhere, when they are really wasting their precious time and money playing poker (I have read cases of female "financial infidelity" involving gambling also. But, I think that in general, gambling, would top the list of expenditures a husband does not want his wife to find about, just as designer clothing a wife didn't need would top the list of expenditures a wife doesn't want her husband to find out about).

I know of a few instances where boys have gone into their marriages with thousands of dollars of debt because of gambling and credit card bills. It is hard enough financially for most young couples; starting off in debt and having a gambling problem surely doesn’t help. (Next topic on my list: Should singles ask for a credit report in addition to the Dor Yesharim number?)

I am writing this letter to help publicize this growing issue in the frum world. If you know of someone with this terrible addiction or suspect someone of having it, help them. Rabbeim, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, family members and friends, please help out those who need it.

We have to keep an eye on this growing problem.

May Hashem help us in overcoming any problems or addictions that might be prevalent.

Dice K.Flatbush, Brooklyn

Our Finances: Welcome to the 21st Century

In my first post in the developing "Our Finances" series, I used two threads on the Imamother Chat Board as a starting points. My written piece, in which I stated the necessity of both spouses being aware of the basic details of their household's finances, was posted on the Imamother chat board by a participant. Soon a participant asked exactly made my opinion profesional and why I needed to denigrate the traditional approach. It is actually rather humorous that my opinion was questioned for its professionality since the beginning of my written piece points to professional experience and since many of the women on the site seem to have no problem asking and receiving advice (much of it ranging from bad to terrible advice) from lay people on matters like investing in rental properties, buying life insurance, or selling a home to get out of debt.

Unfortunately, when I address the dangers of not having a clue about household finances, I'm not just talking out my blog. What I write about is based on real life work experience, fielding questions, and reading a lot of personal finance articles. I don't normally feel the need to defend my every opinion and am open to other perspectives, but in this case I feel very strongly that in today's world, yesterday's method of household finances (i.e. keeping one person in the dark, normally the wife) when combined with the yetzer hara, or communication issues, is fraught with danger. I've seen the damage that can be done, I've read about the danger that has been done, and therefore I feel the need to use my soapbox to open up the discussion.

Imamother participant Motek seems to think shalom bayit can be improved when one spouse sees their way out of the finances if it is causing arguments (the idea that resignation is a sign of a healthy marriage deserves a whole post of its own) and she writes that tradition falls out on the side of letting the husband/provider take care of everything. Another poster writes there is no "wrong or right way. . . . as long as it keeps peace in the home."

Motek also brings "daas Torah," writing ". . . . .Rabbi Y. Zweig of Florida . . . said that his grandmother was given a weekly allowance by his grandfather and she knew nothing about his business. He gave her the allowance when things were going well for him and also when they were not, and she was none the wiser. She was a happy, secure woman. Her husband provided."

I am sure the "husband knows best" approach worked, at least somewhat, for Jews and non-Jews alike 50 years ago. I am NOT here to denigrate families (especially families of talmidei chachanim) who lived by this approach. But, I sure wouldn't recommend it today.

Times have changed drastically. Besides the fact that the workplace is flooded with working women, there have been other significant changes. Probably the biggest change in the world of finances is the liberal extension of credit. The availability and ease of getting and using credit was unheard of, even 25 years ago. Today, people can take money out of their homes using a HELOC with the push of a button at the ATM. Another change is mobility, especially virtual mobility. One doesn't even have to leave their home to shop as it can be done from the convience of their own computer with the click of the mouse. And what about gambling (which includes playing the stock market) without anyone ever knowing or seeing you? Another significant change is the proliferation of credit cards and the death of the Mom and Pop store. While credit is still extended at many kosher grocery stores, one need not approach a store owner/manager for a personal loan when they don't have the funds, .

Unfortunately, many spouses are "none the wiser." I hate to bring up the subject of fraud again, but we have many, many, many frum men sitting in jail today (soon to be joined by other, r"l) because they were involved in shady business deals, schemes, and other "victimless" crimes. While I'm convinced some of the wives were perfectly aware that their husband's were engaged in illegal acts and knew that their household could face disaster should the crimes be discovered, I am equally convinced that some wives were sideswiped when their husbands were arrested and convicted. Being "none the wiser" while their husband "provided" certainly doesn't lend credence to the saying "ignorance is bliss."

But, I hate being alarmist. So, let's take a step away from high profile cases and talk about things that could be happening to a person in your neighborhood. I just completed reading a book called Green with Envy: Why Keeping up with the Jonses is Keeping us in Debt, by Shira Boss. The book practically jumped off the library shelf into my bag and it was a worthwhile quick read. In one story, a husband who married right out of high school, but managed to climb up the ladder despite his humble background and lack of higher education end up living "behind the gates," surrounded by Joneses. The family started spending more than they ever spent on country club memberships, Disneyworld annual passes, matching clothing for the kids, high end vacations, cars, home improvements, cleaning help (the neighbors 'convinced' them it was a necessity even though they never knew anyone before with such help), and more. The wife always took care of the finances, and the husband didn't concern himself too much, that was until they cashed out his last stock options. He knew things couldn't be good, but "everyone else was managing" and his wife couldn't seem to give him any hard numbers (a common problem I will hopefully get around to addressing in a post soon). The wife, herself, never actually ran tallies and didn't know the debt totals. In the end, he had to order their credit reports online and had to smell the coffee as they had $100,000 in credit card debt alone, this in addition to the HELOC. A long story short, this high income family ended up bankrupting and can no longer live the way they used to. Here you have an all too common problem of too much credit and too little information in the hands of too few.

I have another friend who was also "none the wiser" about their financial foundation, until her divorce that is. They didn't argue about money. She had seen her way out. She knew her husband had debts, but didn't get involved. . . . until she had no choice. He had borrowed every penny of equity in the house and lost most of it in the stock market. She had made, what would have been a very nice decision to stay home and raise her baby, but nearly ended up facing financial ruin when she found out there was no money in their home and she had no real finances of her own. Baruch Hashem her family came through in a pinch and she is establishing a future for herself now. Divorce or no divorce, she would have been thrown out to the working world eventually because at some point the husband wouldn't have been able to provide.

More to come iy"h, next time on a more positive note I hope.

Stupid Tax for the Chareidim Too

Hat Tip: The Muqata

I wish I were making this up, but sadly enough, I'm not (although the first drawing does take place in Adar, so I'm still holding out hope that this is really just an early Purim joke).

YNet is reporting a new lotto system designed for the Chareidi public. It comes complete with endorsements from Rabbis Rafael Wint and Rabbi Yaakov Zonenfeld (names I am completely unfamiliar with). Tickets run a whopping $26 and proceeds will go to charity. The impetus for the lotto: a growing need for charity funds to help the poor.

This lotto not only plays on the "get rich quick" personality trait that many ticket buyers certainly possess, but it also allows players to feel good about playing the lotto as the profits will go to charity. As project founder Elisha Cohen states, "they can donate to charity as well as personally gain and keep donating from the same money they earn." [Emphasis added]. And, not only is the dream of winning nearly promised (no possibility of loosing has been mentioned), but one can win using ma'aser funds, as per the psak of the Rabbis endorsing the project.

As far as I am concerned this is an outrage! This is a segment of society that can least afford to introduce a vice into the mainstream, even for a "good cause." Does the Chareidi Public really need a "stupid tax" of their own? I'm sickened by this report.

Gambling Addictions and Chinese Auctions

In this week's Jewish Press, a social worker wrote to the "Dear Rachel" column about gambling addictions that she has seen manifested through the ever popular Chinese Auctions. She claims that there are families who diverted needed funds for food or clothing in hopes of winning a coveted prize in a Chinese Auction.

I share her discomfort with using gambling as a form of fundraising (although the suggest that we return to the bake sale and yard sale model strikes me as ludicrous at best) and I have stated so in other forums on j-blogs like Hirhurim.

Rachel dismissed the letter writer's concerns and I think the Jewish Press should be called on the carpet for publishing her advice when it is clear that she knows very little about the subject, its many forms, and the way that the problem can manifest itself. I may have to sit down and pen a well written letter myself this week, even though I am hardly the expert and would prefer to hear from the psychologists/psychiatrists in the frum community that deal with addictions.

I am not that expert needed to address the question, but I have seen enough to know that gambling takes on many forms and that Rachel's assertions are severely mistaken. Two of the assertions include the following (please, please read the entire letter and response for full context):

• If one is a gambler at heart, his/her craving will not be satisfied at a Chinese Auction charity gathering..
• The person who was of the opinion that people need to exercise self-control is onto something. Everyone knows his/her own limits. If someone ends up spending more than what s/he originally intended to in order to secure a better chance to win a preferred item, then the money will have been well spent.

Regarding the first assertion: Gambling takes on many forms. Some people gamble in a regular way, e.g. casinos and their addiction can be more easily spotted. But other people gamble in a hidden way, under the cloak of another activity, for example "investing" or "recreation."

I know a (now ex) husband who borrowed nearly six figures against their home to "invest." He would sit in front of his computer for hours on end watching his "investments," neglecting his (now ex) wife, child, and other obligations/interests in the process. He thinks of himself as an "investor," but I believe he would be diagnosed as a "gambler." I don't believe this person has ever spent any time in casinos, but he satisfies his problem through borrowing to invest with the intention of making money.

Regarding the second assertion: I'm in shock!!! This is probably one of the most ridiculous assertions I've ever seen in a Torah Oriented Jewish Publication. "Everyone knows [their] own limits." Surely if every individual and every family knew their own limits, we would not need a program to help bochurim quit smoking. We would not have a problem with young men and not so young men drinking themselves into comas on Purim. We would not have a problem with fathers or mothers taking money needed for the basic upkeep of their homes and spending it on luxuries.

I agree with the original letter writer: we should be concerned about the proliferation of Chinese Auctions. One never knows who the blind person is and what his/her stumbling block is. While the issue of gambling is one of halachic discussion, the fact that a professional gambler is excluded from eidut should give us a clue that gambling is not a preferred way to raise funds or spend our recreational time.

The Jewish Press should have never published her response.

Tax deductibility Status of Certain Tzedakah

In my last post about making a year analysis of where our tzedakah funds ended up going versus our goals of where we would like them to go, I received a question that deserves a follow-up post because it represents one of many legal misconceptions and potential pitfalls when it comes to filing tax returns.

An anonymous commenter asks:

"Do you actually donate to K-12 schools or do you consider your tuition, which is tax deductible, your tzeddakah?"

As tuition is NEVER tax deductible on a Schedule A* as a "charitable contribution," I believe this commenter was asking if we donate beyond what many schools require in "donations" if your child is going to be a student in their school, which I will call "tuition extras." The short answer is yes, this is our primary charitable priority, but is basically irrelevant to the topic of this post.

Many schools divide their tuition statements up into numerous components: tuition, textbook fee, activity fee, scholarship fund, synagogue fee, script fee, and banquet fee. Some expenses are per child, others are per family. I believe, and others concur, that the schools try to lessen the blow of tuition by making some the components "charitable."

The problem is that from a legal standpoint, these tuition extras are NOT considered charitable, and as such as not tax deductible. IRS Publication 526-Charitable Contributions states:

"Tuition, or amounts you pay instead of tuition, even if you pay them for children to attend parochial schools or qualifying non-profit day care centers. You also cannot deduct any fixed amount you may be required to pay in addition to the tuition fee to enroll in a private school, even if it is designated as a "donation."

If you aren't hiring me to do your taxes, I cannot tell you what to do. But, consider yourself forewarned.

Now you might be asking: is there anything else that I might assume is deductible which isn't? (Possibly).

Common fund raising techniques in the Orthodox Jewish world include banquets, concerts, theatrical performances commonly put on by girls' schools, the very popular "Chinese Auction," and raffles. I will give my analysis of each one below.

IRS Topic 506-Contributions states: "If your contribution entitles you to merchandise, goods, or services, including admission to a charity ball, banquet, theatrical performance, or sporting event, you can deduct only the amount that exceeds the fair market value of the benefit received."

The tax deductible portion of the banquet fee is usually accounted for by the organization that hosts the banquet and, as such, is straightforward. Where the organization does not provide such documentation, an honest assessment of what the Fair Market Value (FMV) of such a meal would cost you in an equivalent setting is in order.

Admission to frum fundraising concerts and theatrical performances are more complicated, since I've rarely seen these organizations provide you with a base amount beyond which everything else is deductible. As nearly all public performances of frum Jewish Music concerts are put on by charitable organizations, it is difficult to determine what the FMV would be in the "real world." If you want to play it safe, I would consider the lowest priced ticket to be FMV and any amount paid beyond that to be charitable, unless you can find an equivalent performance to help determine value. Theatrical performances are often put on by public high school also, and therefore, I believe one could compare ticket prices and assume any additional cost is charitable.

The extremely popular "Chinese Auction," as well as raffles, are considered gambling by the IRS, and as such are not at all deductible (although if you do win and claim your winning as income, you can take your losses too). The IRS does not assign a FMV to gambling and considers whatever the consumer pays to be the FMV:

"Costs of raffles, bingo, lottery, etc. You cannot deduct as a charitable contribution amounts you pay to buy raffle or lottery or to play bingo or other games of chance."

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But, if you are the victim of an IRS audit, you might thank me. :)

Please see: IRS Topic 506-Contributions , IRS Publication 526-Charitable Contributions.

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*Tuition for pre-school, as well as for before and after, and camps may qualify for the the Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit, subject to certain regulations and limitations. In short, one may take a tax credit which amounts to 20-35% of the for qualified child care expenses of up to $3000 for one child or $6000 for two or more children, which amounts to a credit of $600-$1050 for one child or $1200-2100 for two or more children.

Combating Smoking in Our Communities

Back in May, I made an entry on cigarette smoking that attracted a number of comments from readers, probably the most comments of any post up to that point. I planned to return to the subject quickly, and now it is already July.

However, a post at Hirhurim entitled "Smoking in Halacha" about a recent RCA Teshuvah that states that smoking is assur, reminded me that I should return to this important subject.

While the Teshuvah is a "breath of fresh air," so to speak, and addresses a subject that is important and pertinent to the Orthodox community, I do not believe that halachic psak is ultimately the way to combat this serious problem in our communities, even if the psak comes from "the Gedolim." While it does appear that psak can be quite successful (it certainly sold a lot of water filters and lit up a lot of sheitels), my guess is that psak in this area will not cause anyone to put out their cigarette butts.

While psak is certainly an important part of the picture in combating cigarette smoking, especially amongst our Yeshiva Bochurim, I believe that ultimately if we want to rid our communities of this addiction, we need to employ some of the methods that were employed as part of the "Just Say No" Campaign of Mrs. Nancy Reagan in the 1980's and make cigarette smoking socially unacceptable.

Cigarette smoking needs to be seen as disgusting, uncool, and an activity for loosers. We all know that social ostracization in the frum community is a most powerful weapon. And, if we really want to fight this disgusting addiction, we need to be done through our most powerful means.

When I was very little, I remember driving by the local high school and, in the mornings before school and in the afternoons after school, the entire block across the street from the campus was filled with cigarette smokers. By the time I was in high school, that same block barely made a Reform minyan (girls included).

What changed during those years? Many things. Social Engineering and education are the two things that I can pinpoint.

Cigarette smoking started to be portrayed in a different manner. The schools and social agencies fought the attractive advertisements with some of their own that made smokers look like ugly loosers. At this time it was an uphill battle because every grade schooler could name the different cigarette companies and identify their billboards if they had ever been on a highway in the "big city." And, every news magazine's back page had a cigarette ad.

In addition, the education in elementary school was pretty intense. Health class included presentations from local doctors who came armed with x-rays of smoker's lungs and non-smoker's lungs. And, the doctors would show x-rays of a one year cigarette smoker, a 10 year cigarette smoker, and a 20 year cigarette smoker. Probably the most memorable moment was when my 5th grade teacher pulled a janitor into the classroom to speak. Well, not quite speak. You see, this janitor had cancer in his voice box from smoking and had it surgically removed. He went around to every table and what we saw what still turns my stomach today when I think about it. There is nothing pretty about a man missing a good part of his neck!

My husband went to (modern) Yeshiva schools the entire way through. Last night I asked him what his Health education was like in regards to cigarette smoking. He couldn't recall much, except for a brief talk during high school. Quite frankly, in my opinion, addressing the issues by high school is far too late!

G-d willing, this teshuvah will get communities putting their heads together and thinking about how to combat this terrible addiction. It know that it won't be an easy battle since so many role models smoke and since for many boys, smoking is viewed as sort of a right of passage (Dare I tell you about a family I know who begs their children not to lit up a cigarette at Bar Mitzvah parties. Apparently, in their circle, cigarettes are given to the boys as part of the celebration by the parents-term used lightly).

I don't have too many ideas, but here are a handful:
1. Parents need to make it absolutely clear that not only are their children not to smoke cigarettes, but their children are not to hang out with other children that do this.
2. Parents should be careful not to give too much cash to students, especially if cigarette smoking (or gambling) is an issue in their social circle.
3. The first question in shidduch research should be, "Is he a cigarette smoker?" If the answer is "yes" or even "sometimes, but he is not addicted" (a stupid answer at that) and the conversation ends enough times, the message may sink in that cigarette smoking is not acceptable and that it is a character flaw that is so bad that there is nothing further to discuss. As we all know the fear of not finding a shidduch is overwhelming.
4. Policies need to be put into place for staff members who smoke cigarettes that they are not to do so in front of students, either on or off campus. The same goes for Beit Midrash boys.
5. Education programs need to be instituted at the elementary school level and x-rays and other resources that should "gross out" students need to be used.
6. Lastly, I hear many people make excuses for young cigarette smokers saying that they have no other "outlets" given their schedule and the number of activities that are pas nisht. If this is the case, than I would suggest providing some activities because these cigarette smokers are the future fathers of klal yisrael, and I'm sure we would like healthy fathers and healthy grandchildren.

Hope to hear some of your ideas. And, if your community has instituted programs, are those programs showing signs of success?

In many ways, we are lucky that today the cigarette industry has been limited in their ability to advertise. Those highway billboards and slick magazine ads are basically a thing of the past and it is easier to show cigarette smokers with yellow teeth, stringy hair, porous skin, and more, when you don't have airbrushed models on billboards overlooking the highways, making this terrible addiction look so attractive.

Chazak U'Varuch to the Rabbonim who have issued this psak. May your words reach the ears of many and may you be rewarded for speaking out on an issue that is all to important to ignore.

The "Parenting Crisis":
Parents, you are allowed to say no to your children

Cries for help are littering the pages of the latest Letters to the Editor section of the Yated. The pressing issue: Gedolim Cards. Apparanetly Gedolim Card collections are the newest "crisis" and since I will be covering many a "crisis" on my blog, I figured I would take a look at one particular letter that caught my eye. The letter reads as follows:

Dear Editor,

I am writing in resonse to the reader who wrote about the gedolim card crisis. Finally, someone has brought attention to this!

I hear so much about it from many people - but nobody is doing anything about it. My son started out buying one pack a week and trading his doubles. It came to a point where he had very few cards, so he started buying more and more hoping that he would be one of those lucky few to finish his book. Currently he needs one more card. He started going from store to store, trying his luck, thinking that maybe this store has the lucky card.

Unfortunately, he still doesn't have that card - and he has given ! Do you know how much money I have spent to get this last card?! Many of his friends have said that they are also giving up. It costs a fortune for the parents, and many children spend their own personal money on wasted cards.

Perhaps the tzibbur can do something about this problem.

Thank you Yated for your wonderful newspaper and for giving me the opportunity to voice my opinion.

Fortunately, my readers, I can assure you that there is no "Gedolim Card Crisis," although it is quite from the many letters (this just being one of them) that we have a "Parenting Crisis" on our hands. In contrast to the "Parenting Crisis" this crisis is something that you, the parents of b'nei and b'not Torah, can do something about single-handedly. The entire tzibur need not be involved to solve this crisis. A simple word from you to your child will do. And, fortunately, that word only has two letters. The word, NO! No, my dear son, you cannot spend your money or our money on these cards. No, my dear son, you cannot go from store to store searching for the last card you need.

While I am positive that these Gedolim Cards were introduced to some of our schools with the nobelest intentions, it comes as no surprise that the fad has spun out of control. Nearly every child on this universe has a proclivity for collecting, and boys are probably worse than girls, especially since their collections tend to be more trendy (anyone else out there remember Garbage Pail Kids?) and more corporate. In addition boys tend to be more competitive than girls and their collections often become a status symbol, as opposed to a manifestation of a unique interest. These collections should have never been introduced into Yeshivot, but once they were introduced and parents started noticing their chilren engaging in unhealthy competition, parents should have just put a stop to their own children participating and made it clear to them that their interest had spun too far out of control and was no longer healthy. There is no reason to take to the pages of the Yated asking others to find a solution when the solution is you!

Now, back to the letter. It seems that they mother herself has become so emotionally attached to her son's collection that she laments the fact that her son has given up only one card short of completing his collection. This mothers should be happy that her son has lost interest and has realized that he is only GAMBLING away his money in an effort to get the last card. I certainly would rather my son learn not to chase pipe dreams at a young age, than to find himself 35 years old gambling his money away in a casino or a "get rich quick" scam.