The Price of Smoking (and Tuition)

There is a popular tuition blog on which a poster proposed a "point system" for tuition assistance. It read as the form of a magazine quiz and if a parent exceeded the allotted points, they would be uneligible for reduction. I can't say that I was in agreement with the point value of each triggering item.

But, there is one thing I can think of that is such a tremendous waste of money (to say nothing of the negative health impact), that if schools were to withhold assistance, you wouldn't find me shedding any tears.

A 24 year old woman smoker will spend an average of $86,000 over a lifetime on cigs; a 24 yr old male smoker will spend $183,000. (link) Hat Tip: today's Dave Ramsey update

Time to smoke out this expensive habit.

Make the Parents (Of the Smokers) Fund It!

I caught this story on Yeshiva World News about a program in the works to help bochurim quit smoking. The article states "Anecdotal evidence suggests that in certain well-known yeshivot, a majority, or close to a majority, of young men use cigarettes." I believe it. I've seen it, I've smelled it, and I've breathed it. And not too long ago I got so fed up I pulled a local administrator aside and told him the (often pregnant) mothers in the neighborhood were tired of having their children subjected to the images of smoking bochurim, to say nothing of the pollutants.

I've already written about smoking on this blog and the importance of preventative programs and making it socially unacceptable. I support preventative education and believe that these should be mainstays of a well-rounded health and physical education program.

It appears that some very well known figures in the community, Rabbis and physicians, are working on some sort of smoking cessation program, for which I applaud them. They state "it would be premature to offer too many details while funding is sought from various sources," and they hope to role out the program "in several [New York] yeshivot in time for the Elul zman (semester), with its intense focus on Teshuvah and personal improvement.

I wish them much success with an endeavor that is quite literally life or death. However, I say let the parents (of the smokers) pay for it!

This might be highly controversial (your comments will be the anecdotal evidence), but I see no reason to seek funds from anyone besides the parents of the smokers. Either directly or indirectly, these parents provided the funds for their children to get started and built their cigarette smoking habit.

The medications and therapies needed to help them quit might not be cheap, but they are a bargain in comparison to allowing a child continue smoking, a disgusting habit that can cost several thousands of dollars a year (cigarettes + increased price of private health insurance + increase price of life insurance). Getting your own child to quit smoking is an investment in their physical future and their financial future. (I imagine the argument for having the community fund the program is that it will free up tuition dollars that are currently be inhaled).

If I were in charge of a yeshiva implementing this program, I'd just add the smoking cessation fee right onto the bill alongside the activity fee and the book fee. The parents whose kids smoke pay and the parents whose kids don't smoke get a little "discount." But that is just me.

Fire away, but don't light up!

Purim Sameach

Since the Orthonomic posts relating to Purim have been covered (see MominIsrael and Ari Kinsberg) and the auxilary topics of Drinking on Purim have been covered (see IndependentFrum Thinker, SerandEz, Moshe Abelesz, Yingerman, DAG, Married and Navigating Jewish Brooklyn, Orthomom). Most importantly see what Rabbi Tzvi Hirsch Weinreb, Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski (posted by DovBear), Rabbi Horowitz have to say.

I'm just sitting back and wishing my readers a Purim Sameach and most importantly a safe Purim. The only thought I feel is worth adding at this point is that the Yeshivot who allow (and even encourage or push) drinking (or smoking or other substances) do a tremendous disservice to the parents who are trying their best. There are enough bad sights and unsavory places that we need to be weary of. The Yeshiva should not be one of those places even one day a year! The scene on Purim is oftentimes deplorable. I hope that we will have the strength to tell our children that they cannot go to the local Yeshiva on Purim when they are old enough because based on the stories that some of the teenage boys who have befriended my husband tell, we just cannot allow it period. And it makes me sad.

As for mishloach manot, I have to wonder when those who really go "all out" on in the mishloach manot department find the time and the energy, much less the money. A few baked goods and some candy or a piece of fruit in a bag is plenty of work for me. Let's just say that baking in the kitchen with my kids is a bit of a zoo. My son really enjoys "helping" Mommy and I am mastering the art of guestimating when it comes to baking. He has probably memorized all of ingredients that go into baked goods, but has no clue about the science behind the art. Why not throw in some extra flour? How about some vanilla Mommy? You mean there is a difference between the 1 on the teaspoon and the 1 on the tablespoon? Doesn't look like a difference to me, they both say one!

This year my husband encouraged me to buy the Purim cards and just fulfill the minimum when it comes to Mishloach Manot. I seem to give it thought every year, but once I'm baking it doesn't really make a difference if I'm dong one batch or four batches. And my packages are so minimal that I'm sure we aren't contributing to any out of control spending. I probably make everything for somewhere between $15 and $30. We like to deliver our little bag of cookies and candies to neighbors, mostly widows or widowers if possible. I don't think I will be switching to the cards anytime soon, especially since I don't want to do away with the spirit that I associate with Purim. But, on that note, I think the cards are great!

One other note regarding Mishloach Manot, please don't be shy about telling people that you do not accept homemade items. The fact that it defies the spirit of Purim, nonewithstanding, I hate to think that perfectly kosher food could be going to waste. There is a comemntary that I read (sorry, no source) that because the Jews did full teshuvah that people could trust their neighbor's kashrut and exchange gifts of food as a sign of that. I don't know the best way to convey that you don't accept homemade items, but RaggedyMom has a neighbor that throws out everything homemae. At the very least you could give it to someone who has no issue.

Today I helped my son make and wrap little packages of his own to give to his friends. We try to make all of the Chagim into a big deal and I try to include our kids in the preparations to the best of my capabilities It isn't easy, but I try to make it fun and keep it under control. We put on our CDs of different Shabbat and Holiday music and have a great time singing and working together. When people hear my preschooler sing they oftentimes ask where he goes to school. Well, the "preschool" is right here in our home, and we don't even have formal lessons. And the biggest benefit is that I don't have to put up with music I don't like as we go straight in for the "real stuff" (nearly all Hebrew and Ladino, but I even tried a little Yiddish Chanukah time-nothing wrong with exposing your children to various sounds and languages). :)

Purim Sameach.

Combating Smoking in Our Communities

Back in May, I made an entry on cigarette smoking that attracted a number of comments from readers, probably the most comments of any post up to that point. I planned to return to the subject quickly, and now it is already July.

However, a post at Hirhurim entitled "Smoking in Halacha" about a recent RCA Teshuvah that states that smoking is assur, reminded me that I should return to this important subject.

While the Teshuvah is a "breath of fresh air," so to speak, and addresses a subject that is important and pertinent to the Orthodox community, I do not believe that halachic psak is ultimately the way to combat this serious problem in our communities, even if the psak comes from "the Gedolim." While it does appear that psak can be quite successful (it certainly sold a lot of water filters and lit up a lot of sheitels), my guess is that psak in this area will not cause anyone to put out their cigarette butts.

While psak is certainly an important part of the picture in combating cigarette smoking, especially amongst our Yeshiva Bochurim, I believe that ultimately if we want to rid our communities of this addiction, we need to employ some of the methods that were employed as part of the "Just Say No" Campaign of Mrs. Nancy Reagan in the 1980's and make cigarette smoking socially unacceptable.

Cigarette smoking needs to be seen as disgusting, uncool, and an activity for loosers. We all know that social ostracization in the frum community is a most powerful weapon. And, if we really want to fight this disgusting addiction, we need to be done through our most powerful means.

When I was very little, I remember driving by the local high school and, in the mornings before school and in the afternoons after school, the entire block across the street from the campus was filled with cigarette smokers. By the time I was in high school, that same block barely made a Reform minyan (girls included).

What changed during those years? Many things. Social Engineering and education are the two things that I can pinpoint.

Cigarette smoking started to be portrayed in a different manner. The schools and social agencies fought the attractive advertisements with some of their own that made smokers look like ugly loosers. At this time it was an uphill battle because every grade schooler could name the different cigarette companies and identify their billboards if they had ever been on a highway in the "big city." And, every news magazine's back page had a cigarette ad.

In addition, the education in elementary school was pretty intense. Health class included presentations from local doctors who came armed with x-rays of smoker's lungs and non-smoker's lungs. And, the doctors would show x-rays of a one year cigarette smoker, a 10 year cigarette smoker, and a 20 year cigarette smoker. Probably the most memorable moment was when my 5th grade teacher pulled a janitor into the classroom to speak. Well, not quite speak. You see, this janitor had cancer in his voice box from smoking and had it surgically removed. He went around to every table and what we saw what still turns my stomach today when I think about it. There is nothing pretty about a man missing a good part of his neck!

My husband went to (modern) Yeshiva schools the entire way through. Last night I asked him what his Health education was like in regards to cigarette smoking. He couldn't recall much, except for a brief talk during high school. Quite frankly, in my opinion, addressing the issues by high school is far too late!

G-d willing, this teshuvah will get communities putting their heads together and thinking about how to combat this terrible addiction. It know that it won't be an easy battle since so many role models smoke and since for many boys, smoking is viewed as sort of a right of passage (Dare I tell you about a family I know who begs their children not to lit up a cigarette at Bar Mitzvah parties. Apparently, in their circle, cigarettes are given to the boys as part of the celebration by the parents-term used lightly).

I don't have too many ideas, but here are a handful:
1. Parents need to make it absolutely clear that not only are their children not to smoke cigarettes, but their children are not to hang out with other children that do this.
2. Parents should be careful not to give too much cash to students, especially if cigarette smoking (or gambling) is an issue in their social circle.
3. The first question in shidduch research should be, "Is he a cigarette smoker?" If the answer is "yes" or even "sometimes, but he is not addicted" (a stupid answer at that) and the conversation ends enough times, the message may sink in that cigarette smoking is not acceptable and that it is a character flaw that is so bad that there is nothing further to discuss. As we all know the fear of not finding a shidduch is overwhelming.
4. Policies need to be put into place for staff members who smoke cigarettes that they are not to do so in front of students, either on or off campus. The same goes for Beit Midrash boys.
5. Education programs need to be instituted at the elementary school level and x-rays and other resources that should "gross out" students need to be used.
6. Lastly, I hear many people make excuses for young cigarette smokers saying that they have no other "outlets" given their schedule and the number of activities that are pas nisht. If this is the case, than I would suggest providing some activities because these cigarette smokers are the future fathers of klal yisrael, and I'm sure we would like healthy fathers and healthy grandchildren.

Hope to hear some of your ideas. And, if your community has instituted programs, are those programs showing signs of success?

In many ways, we are lucky that today the cigarette industry has been limited in their ability to advertise. Those highway billboards and slick magazine ads are basically a thing of the past and it is easier to show cigarette smokers with yellow teeth, stringy hair, porous skin, and more, when you don't have airbrushed models on billboards overlooking the highways, making this terrible addiction look so attractive.

Chazak U'Varuch to the Rabbonim who have issued this psak. May your words reach the ears of many and may you be rewarded for speaking out on an issue that is all to important to ignore.

Not My Idea of a Role Model

One of the marketing claims of our local Yeshiva is the close relationship the high school kids can develop with the bochurim in the Beit Midrash and have role models. I think this is a nice idea and ideally we would like our children to meet frum people who love their line of study or work who can serve as positive role models for our children.

So, when I ran into at least 10-15% of these bochurim on a recent outing and was greeted by cigarette smoke being blown in my direction, I was a disappointed to say the least. There was not a bochur in this group without a cigarette in his mouth or his hand.

To make a long story short, this is not the type of role model that we are seeking for our children. At the very least, it would be nice if these "role models" could smoke in places where young, impressionable children don't see them.