Tzedakah Watch: No Longer Guaranteed

The newest advertisement from Hidabroot reads "How to Almost GUARANTEE Yourself a Good Year". Is someone reading my posts (see the guarantee for good children for only $12 per month)? I will consider this an improvement. Much more, uh, Jewish, but a lot less enticing. If only I could buy those good children guaranteed. . . . .my work-in-progress children seem far more costly and there seem to be no guarantees.

Can Someone Just Say it Out Loud?

Hat Tip: Jewish Worker

Can someone just say out loud that this (published in Mishpacha) and this (an advertisement I saw in other publications besides the one Marty Bluke noted) are foreign worship/avoda zara!?!

I simply will not give to any organization that promotes such foreign worship. I wish publications would refuse such ads. These same publications have take to obliterating the faces of girls and women of all ages, to say nothing of the stir of recent memory when Clinton was photoshopped out of a picture, in the name of "tznius" yet they run ads for manufactured segulot, the newest being "segula wine" and "silver segula rings" which have been engraved with holy names and dunked in the mikvah three times, and protected with double cover as per the instructions.

What's next Marty Bluke asks? I have no idea. But I think it high time some frum communities stop getting worked up when a missionary step foot in the 'hood. Far more dangerous than a J-Witness handing out literature door to door or a young group of Mormons knocking, are the advertisements making their into frum houses each and every week via snail mail and in publications and advertising booklets.

Rav Aviner on a Segula to Reverse Debt

Hat Tip: Another fantastic reader

Rav Aviner answers a question on a potential segula with a much more Jewish approach!

Q: Our debt continues to grow. Is there a Segula to reverse this trend?

A: Certainly. You should spend less than you bring in and not rely on the miracle of overcoming the rules of mathematics. The Tur wrote that one should limit his expenses. And the Mishnah Berurah wrote that this is a harsh criticism against those who are enticed to spend money on luxuries without seeing the consequences, which will lead to theft and disgrace in the end. Biur Halachah chap. 529. One should plan well.

My type of Rabbi! Also see Rav Aviner on "Cake and Punch" Weddings.

Bad Financial Advice: No Logical Solution?

Hat Tip: One reader who expects many more to email me with the same story. Thanks! I would *not* have caught this one myself.

I hope I don't alienate any readers by questioning the spiritual/financial advice given by the very popular Rabbi Lazar Brody, but the "Emunah option" is based on flawed logic, is guaranteed to make the problem worse, and is likely to cause default on debts which I don't believe is a proper approach from a Torah perspective even if default isn't assur.

With all due apologies, this advice is this week's installment of "Bad Financial Advice."

Rabbi Brody gives advice on the following situation:

We all have seemingly insurmountable problems. Many of them have no
logical solution. Here's a typical example:
John earns $65,000 annually. His minimal living expenses total $70,000. He already owes $40,000, and he foresees his debt increasing by $5000 per year, even before considering the interest he'll have to pay. According to logic, John has no hope; if he views his own situation from "logical" eyes, then he's a candidate for despair, depression, and even worse. He may come to the point where he won't even be able to earn his $65,000 any more, and then his situation will become much worse.

The solution Rabbi Brody offers is:

• Don't succumb to negative thoughts.
• Believe that the Almighty runs the universe and can send a myriad of solutions at any moment.
• Strengthen yourself in emunah and believe Hashem will help because for Hashem miracles are natural.
• Use the emunah solution to turn defeat into victory as no-win situations are the history of our people.

Number 1: Financial problems are not "insurmountable," nor are they without a "logical solution." A family with more expenses than income has options, perhaps unpleasant options (many of them temporary), but options nonetheless. Telling a person that the $5,000 gap between income and expenses plus the previous debt is a "no-win" situation is, quite frankly, is disingenuous.

Number 2: By reinforcing the "logic" that the problem is "insurmountable" you reinforce the feeling of powerlessness that leads to despair and depression which you advise him to overcome through some sort of "emunah option." Chazal didn't compare debt to the bite of a snake for nought. Mounting debt is a terrible predicament, but it can be resolved!

Number 3: This understanding of Torah is completely foreign to me, yet those who promote this form of Torah are immensely popular and increasingly so if you judge by the tzedakah marketing based on promises of segulot and yeshuot. Emunah without hishtadlut? We learn that the Yam Suf was parted when Nachshon ben Aminadav jumped in demonstrating that emunah. Financial problem can be overcome, but certainly not by ignoring the laws of the universe that too were established by Hashem. The mathematics behind compounding interest is also the making of Hashem. Want to beat the compounding interest and take a step towards freedom? Make some drastic changes: find additional sources of income, start selling stuff, cut expenses, pay down debt, and use the "found money" you no longer using to pay so much interest to continue. The Rambam gives us eight different levels of tzedakah. The highest level is to help a person become financially independent. Every day that debt mounts is a loss of independence. The advice did not contain a single suggestion about turning around the situation, instead the Rabbi offers the advice to essentially wait for a miracle. Didn't chazal say something about not relying on miracles?

One of the things I hope to accomplish through my blog is to help promote a feeling of control over our lives and our finances. I believe it was Rav Moshe Feinstein who said that statement "it is hard to be a Jew" ruined an entire generation. I think that throwing up our hands and reinforcing that "it is expensive to be a Jew" is basically proclaiming "it is hard to be a Jew."

If "John" is a real person who wrote to Rabbi Brody, but there are a log of "Johns" in the frum community and I do hope someone else offers John some practical advice that will ultimately give him some real emunah. John, take control and gain menuchat hanefesh as you get the burden of debt off your shoulders and re-gain your freedom. Hatzlacha!

Financial Blog Roundup, June 16, 2006:

Hello readers, I have plenty of posts planned including one important one on pending legislation on protecting the children of private schools in New York. I'm not a New Yorker, but I imagine that many of my readers are and I will have the information up soon, as it is very important.

Well, in other news, Harry Maryles has been covering "Orthonomics" this week with great zeal and vigor. Since my postings have been few and far between, it is nice someone else is getting the work done! All I can say is Chazak u'Varuch. The subjects of the posts are:
*Extortion (a takeoff on my post on Coveting),
*Wedding Takanos: Living within One’s Means (where we take a different approach to a subject, but agree that social pressure is the underlying issue),
*Lavish Bar Mitzvahs.

JH of Jewish Community Professionals has a post up on the Ten Laws of Fundraising. Considering the fact that so many of us end up involved in community fundraising at one time or another, this is a good read for all, not just the professionals.

Gil Student covers a piece in the Prospect Park newsletter on the costs of running a school and Yeshiva Tuition. For those of you paying "only" $6000 in tuition don't realize just how lucky you are, although even $6000 can be a lot to cover without a doubt.

Ariella of Kallah Magazine is "Segula Central" this week and covered a lot of practices that people like myself like to ask, what source, if any allows for this practice? So, if you are interested in the proliferation of Segulot in Orthodox society, this is the blog to visit.

By the way, Ariella sent me a copy of the most recent Kallah Magazine since she used pieces of this post in her article. The magazine is quite nice and has a lot of different articles and Divrei Torah of interest. Goodluck to her in her publishing enterprise.

Shabbat Shalom to everyone, and more posts to come.

Hishtadlut, Segulot, and Shidduchim II:
A Follow-Up

I believe that my post on Hishtadlut, Segulot, and Shidduchim has generated the most comments and possibly even traffic than any post to date so far. So, I thought it would be appropriate to follow the post up with a very, very short, real life story about this very subject and my response.

I was visiting my friend, a divorced lady who would very much like to be remarried, not too long after I wrote my last post. I wasn't sure how relevant my post was to real life until she began a conversation with me regarding her quest to marry.

She was recounting to me how so many women keep suggesting segulot for her to try to get married. It was difficult to keep a straight face being that I had only written the post on hishtadlut, shidduchim, and segulot days before.

She also told me how her friends are trying all sorts of segulot, but nothing is happening. Apparently, one friend of hers has flown to Israel to visit Amuka seven times. I really hope her friend did go on some dates after such an effort, because seven flights to varied locations could really gain a person a lot of exposure.

My response: Tell the ladies that suggest segulot to suggest shidduchim instead! I don't want to cast too many aspersions on segulot that I am not particularity educated in, but I do know that without dates, one is highly unlikely to get married even if they drink the entire cup of kallah's wine from sheva brachot. And, unfortunately, not one segulah suggestor, has suggested a shidduch.

No Mention of Hishtadlut?
Some Comments on Shidduchim

A "older single," which could mean anyone over 22, has complied a list of 19 Segulot and presented them to the readership of the Yated. She has included an additional reminder that singles should continue to daven and have emunah and bitachon.

I was surprised (well, not really, this is the Yated) that after listing 19 segulot in a row (of which I question how many of these, if any, actually have a mesorah, but that is a subject for another time), there was not a single reminder about hishtadlut!!! Emunah, bitachon, and tefillah are important (I can't say the same for tefillot), but so is hishtadlut!

The list of segulot includes visiting holy places in Europe or the kotel, an endeavor that costs in terms of time and money, but there is no mention of picking up a phone or getting in your car to visit a city outside of your immediate metro area to make a connection.

And, let me tell you, there is no shortage of people who are line up for the next challah baked by a tehillim saying group of ladies, or singles ready to hold your jewelry during the chuppah (there is a shortage of jewelry though!), but there are a shortage of people who are willing to look beyond the resume/profile, be proactive, and make a phone call directly to the subject of interest. All of the segulot and tefillot in the world won't do much for you if you don't actually go on dates.

I have tried to arrange many a shidduch date and as of late, I can say that I have sadly lost a lot of drive and fire to work on shidduchim. I used to spend many hours on the phone, trying to help make connections and help arrange dates. But, as of late I have come to find the task frustrating.

Of course, there have been some easy going singles who are just a pleasure to set up. They hear about a potential date, trust my recommendation, and are more than eager and enthusiastic to make a phone call and take things from there. These friends make arranging dates pleasurable and satisfying.

But, then there are the rotten moments that can easily overshadowed the pleasurable moments. For example:

• I presented a fantastic Ben Torah with a great professional career and the ability to support a family to a person looking for just that profile, but was told he was too short. There was no chance of these two people even talking on the phone, must less going on a date.
• I gave a friend references for a young lady that might be appropriate for her sincere and kindhearted son who is learning at YU and has a Chareidi bent and would like to learn as long as possible, possibly in Lakewood. One of the Rabbis on the reference list actually yelled at my friend's husband for daring to suggest that their YU boy would be good enough for this girl who was looking to marry a learner. Never mind that the girl's yichus is flawed and nobody in the neighborhood is knocking down doors to land a date with this very sweet girl. Never mind that the boy is a real Ben Torah who is known for his middot, his devotion to learning, and his drive to learn Torah from all who teach it (that wasn't even discussed). Never mind being nice and polite and asking further questions. Just shoot the messenger and make the middleman (that would be me) feel terrible that the father received such abuse! There was no possibility that these two people would ever speak, even for a minute.
• I suggested an idea of a shidduch and worked on most of the odds and ends for approximately three months, until both would be in the same country to meet. Both mothers were excited about the possibility, but the Rosh Yeshiva had to approve the match before the boy and girl went out on a date. Three months of work was halted after the Rosh Yeshiva said no. And, at that time, I didn't lack fire, so I called the Rosh Yeshiva and spoke to him (bold move for an unconnected woman). It was a rather painful experience as I was told that all I had were two names out of a phone book when both mothers were my friends and I'd put in hours and hours of work. In just minutes, the possibility of these two young people speaking was a lost possibility.

I wish that I could re-kindle the flame and get some of my enthusiasm and drive back, but I am a person who likes to complete tasks. I get a high from completing a professional project, and I get a high from completing a load of laundry. If I could manage to actually manage to get two people on the phone speaking to each other more often, I'd feel a sense of accomplishment and want to feel that sense of accomplishment again.

It is probably not fair that this letter struck such a bad chord with me. After all, the single lady only is seeking to provide a service to the readers of the Yated. But, providing a service is all that amateur shadchanim want to do too. Somehow a list of segulot touched a bad nerve with me, since I believe that more success could be met by actually making phone calls and going on dates than by eating the "zeroah from the ke'orah on Pesach" or by "opening the door by Shefoch Chamoscha at the Seder."

Looking forward to hearing comments from the readership. And, of course, lots of mazal to those who are "in the parsha."

Here is the text of the Letter to the Editor Below:

SEGULOS FOR SHIDDUCHIM

Dear Editor,
Thank you so much for your stimulating and insightful newspaper. As an older single, I am writing this letter to share with those in the same matzav some ideas that people have suggested to me as a segulah for finding oneÂ’s zivug.
1. Say Shir Hashirim for 40 days.
2. Say Perek Shirah.
3. Daven at the Kosel for 40 consecutive days.
4. Daven at Amuka (the kever of Yonason ben Uziel).
5. Visit mekomos hakedoshim in Europe.
6. Eat the zeroah from the ke'orah on Pesach.
7. Open the door by Shefoch Chamoscha at the Seder.
8. Drink from the kos shel bracha at a sheva brachos.
9. Organize 40 women to bake challahs and say specific kapitlach of Tehillim.
10. Daven at the kever of the Baal Shem of Michelshtodt.
11. Daven at the kever of Rav Aryeh Leib - the Plotzke Gaon, the Maharal Tzintz - and give money toward the publishing of his seforim.
12. Hold a kallah's jewelry at her chasunah during the chupah.
13. Say korbanos every morning during Shacharis.
14. Say the special tefillah every day from the Shela Hakadosh.
15. Daven early and say Tehillim Purim morning.
16. Learn Sefer Shemiras Halashon every day.
17. Have a 24-hour mishmeres on shemiras halashon.
18. Perform the mitzvah de'oraisa of Shiluach Hakan.
19. Give matanos la'evyonim to aniyim in Eretz Yisroel.
The list could go on and on.…
Yes, I am sure that all these things help and the right one will come at the right time iy'H. I would like to share one additional point: I strongly believe and I am sure that the best segulah is to have a lot of bitachon and emunah and to keep on davening to Hashem. And remember, kol hamispallel b'ad chaveiro onin lo techilah.

Sincerely,
Name Withheld On Request
Monsey, N.Y