We're Ready!!!!

Ready for Yom Tov here. Our sukkah frame is up, lol. True Sephardi Family style.

Chag Sameach.

Sephardi Alternative to Honey Cake: Tispishti

Commentor tdr requested this flourless cake recipe from me. It is a traditional Sephardi Rosh Hashana recipe and those who are accustomed to forgoing nuts will quickly notice it has lots of nuts in it. If you don't eat nuts on Rosh Hashana, but want to give this recipe a try, save it for Pesach. It beats any Pesach cake you can buy on the market hands down, and will put Pesach cake mixes to shame.

My regular readers will also notice it isn't the most frugal of recipes. But, considering I'm using the ground nuts that were leftover from the Pesach charoset, and that have been sitting in my freezer, I can say it didn't cost me anything more than what I already had to spend.

Recipe adapted from Sephardic Holiday Cooking by Gilda Angel (my holiday cooking bible).

Cake batter:

6 eggs separated
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 Tablespoon liquor (the author uses Whiskey, I've used Hazelnut liquor or Almond liquor. Whatever is in our home-which isn't much-should work)
1 Tablespoon water
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
dash of ground cloves
1.5 teaspoons baking soda
2 cups ground walnuts (I imagine almonds would work too)
grated rind of orange and lemon

Syrup: (Heat in microwave or boil over stove)
3/4 cup honey
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/4 cup water

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Beat egg yolks until think and lemon colored. Add sugar and beat until smooth.
Stir in vanilla, liquor, water, cinnamon, cloves, baking soda, ground nuts, and grated rinds.
Beat separated eggs whites until they are stiff. Fold together batter and egg whites.
Pour into a greased baking pan. I used a circle baking pan because it gives a nice presentation.
Bake 30 minutes more or less.

Poke holes in cake with a fork. Drown cake in syrup.

This is a rich recipe. It has been a hit amongst guests, but you can't eat too much of it. I recommend serving with fresh fruit.

When Brisket Runs Over $16 per Pound

I stopped in the kosher store recently to see if I could locate a somewhat obscure ingredient for a Syrian dish I was making, only to later find it (on sale) in a neighborhood grocery shortly after. While I was in the store I noted brisket was a whopping $16.59 per pound. The particular brisket sitting in front of me cost in total over $65 and I don't think it would have made a second showing on the second day of Yom Tov.

The shopping I did for the past Shabbat, the coming Shabbat, and Rosh Hashana right in between hasn't cost me a whole lot more than $65 (of course, I'm using many ingredients on hand like flour, eggs, and canned goods I have already picked up on sale and/or on the damaged rack).

Roasts are a staple for chagim in many houses. But if you are trying to maintain some grocery budget sanity, something has got hit the butcher block. And roasts have hit my chopping block, possibly for good. I skipped pricy cuts of meat this last Pesach and once again will be skipping such cuts for Tishrei.

My secret for managing Yom Tov within the yearly grocery budget is to make sure the main dishes poultry, fish, and meat are kept to small portions and are not the sole focus of the meal. By serving a number of tempting and unique side dishes, the focus shifts from the main dishes to the side dishes and we don't consume $65 of meat in a single sitting. Another secret of mine is to serve hearty soups. For the chagim, I make a hearty chicken soup with good size chunks of chicken and lots of vegetables in it. Once everyone is done having a hearty soup, they tend to control their portions of food better than when they had a chicken broth soup for the 1st course.

Of course, on Yom Tov we should give proper kavod through delicacies (and those who have tried my flourless cake in a honey sauce are in for a treat). But, knowing we will come out of Yom Tov without too many extra pounds and a crushed budget is also a treat.

A Major Budgeting Gap at Yeshiva University

Here is some Orthonomic reading of interest. YU is facing a $24 *million* budget shortfall for the coming year. In the last 5 years YU has increased spending on changing university culture, acquiring real estate, and adding faculty. But now things aren't looking up. Investments have lost ground, fundraising is going to be tough, and salary increases are written into contracts.

No doubt universities have to spend big bucks to make themselves attractive, and that means investing in programming, infrastructure, and faculty. But YU draws its students from one basic demographic, one that is already stretched to the limit. Tuition plus room and board at YU is already a whopping $40,000. I don't know what the enrollment is at YU, but $24 mil seems like a lot of ground to make up even if fundraising is successful. One wonders just how price sensitive the product is because I can't imagine the shortfall being filled in without tuition taking a major jump.

Since I don't have much to say, I will just take this opportunity to wish all my readers a L'Shana Tovah U'Metukah. May we all be blessed with life, health, happiness, and (yes) parnasah to help make this joyous life of Torah and Mitzvot just a bit easier.

The Older Generation Needs Some Rest
A response to Jonathan Rosenblum's column

Marty Bluke put up a response to Jonathan Rosenblum's column Can We Talk Seriously About Poverty?

I don't subscribe to Mishpacha, but I can see it is one of the braver right wing Jewish publications for printing this response. Excerpts follow:

Jonathan Rosenblum is so close to solving the problem of poverty in the frum community. He mentioned 3 common solutions to this crisis: greater government support from taxpayers: who WORK, increased contributions from abroad (meaning us rich Americans who are up to our own eyeballs in debt and sinking fast but who WORK) and a simpler lifestyle. Are you getting a hint of the answer? If you need more money and Hashem is not handing it to you perhaps you need to go out and WORK. Not working but expecting money to come in is like not cooking and expecting dinner to be ready that evening....

Instead of making bochurim who choose to work feel like failures, we need to promote a balance of working and learning ...

My husband Akiva had a friend Reb Ephraim on the Monsey bus to Manhattan. One day, Reb Ephraim did not appear on the bus. Six weeks later, Reb Ephraim returned appearing pale and gaunt. Akiva asked how he was and what happened. Reb Ephraim said that he had had a heart attack but b"h recovered and was returning to work. Something about the answer didn't seem right so Akiva asked, "You are certainly past retirement age and you are obviously not completely recovered. Why don't you retire and go home to guard your health?" Reb Ephraim replied , "I would love to but I am supporting my married children and must continue to work." Some months later Akiva returned from work head hanging low. Reb Ephraim was niftar from a second heart attack. Akiva with tears shining in his eyes said: " I want to go the shiva house and tell the children they later are murderers for doing this to their father. This is kibud av v'eim?"

Highly related: Once again, ProfK is competiting with the Orthonomics blog :) . Her latest posts are observations about writing a bit about increasing lifespans and the fiscal, emotional, and time demands of families growing at both ends of the age spectrum (see here, here, here, and here). We simply cannot be placing the demands of younger generations on older generations which have their own (important) demands, as well as dreams to pursue.

VOTE

Hat Tip: Ezzie

Leah, founder and editor of Yaldah Magazine, of Sharon Mass has initiative, drive, passion, creativity, vision, focus, determination, and other great qualities, qualities I hope my kids will develop. She recently won a $10,000 Well's Fargo Contest and could win the $100,000 prize which would allow her to take her magazine to the next level (without debt, an Orthonomic plus), but she needs your votes. She is currently in 2nd place, just votes behind another worthy candidate from Utah.

Her story is very inspiring and sets a wonderful example for young Jewish boys and girls. I hope you will join me in casting a vote. Spread the word.

10 Signs You Have Got Too Much Personal Debt
(In no particular order)

In honor of the OU's workshop today in just a short to hours, I have compiled by own list titled 10 Signs You have Too Much Debt. You can take it very seriously or slightly tongue-in-cheek, but please don't take offense.

1. You bought and financed your home thinking things will get easier. After all, salaries always go up, right?

2. Two salaries are needed to pay the mortgage alone.

3. Unless pigs start flying, there is no way, no how your home could ever be paid off before you reach retirement age.

4. You have confused your home with a bank and/or ATM. Worse yet, you think your home is an asset or an investment vehicle. (And you watch home values in your neighborhood the way you might watch a stock you are researching).

5. You think carrying a mortgage makes financial sense because you will save money on taxes. (You also think leasing a vehicle makes financial sense because it leaves you with so much extra to invest--a theory I was introduced to by a date long ago).

6. You don't know how much debt you have.

7. You've got multiple sources of growing debt from mortgage(s) to student loan(s) to credit cards, to car payment(s), to 401(k) loans, to an account at the local kosher butcher. And, that's right, you also owe a few friends some money. It is getting really hard to keep track.

8. You've mastered the art of juggling (and I don't mean bean bags, scarfs, or clubs). Juggling Funds that is.

9. You have no savings and/or are depleting your saving. In other words, the writing is on the wall.

10. You think you can buy your way out of debt with different debt.

Bonus: You think you can "make it" because when you look around everyone seems to be "making it" so why can't you?

(Updated) 5 More Warning Signs:
Self-employment taxes, what are those?
You think you can afford a certain mortgage amount because you qualified for that amount.
You are dependent on outside sources to float you. (Worse, you are dependent on outside sources that are outside of the country).
You think every expense in your budget is necessary.
Budget, what's that?

Reminder

(Thank you readers who have emailed me offline. I'm behind on email, but will catch up eventually).

Coming up:
Orthodox Union Workshop: Credit Meltdown & Practical Solutions

I'm looking forward to see what sort of advice is given and how it will square up with the advice I give myself. Workshop is this Monday, September 22. I hope my kids will give me enough downtime to take some notes and after that we can discuss it.

Shabbat Shalom.

The Big Donors are Going Broke

I have so many topics to revisit and write more on. In the meantime, dare we speculate about what the troubles in our economy mean for the Orthodox world at the Macro an Mircro levels?

Frequent commentor Mark writes, "I want to mention something that really ought to become the subject of another blog entry. This year (and the next few) in particular is going to be very difficult. With all the upheaval going on at Wall Street, and knowing that so many of our wealthy school benefactors earn their money there, I have little doubt that fund raising is going to suffer. And it may suffer a lot. Especially in New York!" I concur.

And an anonymous reader pointed out an article on Hamercaz titled "Jewish Charities Fear Wall Street Chaos Will Hurt Donations." It should come as no surprise that major donations are essential to the budget of non-profit organizations and that these major donations are often cut from investment earnings (passive income) rather than from actively earned income.

One can't but wonder how the Orthodox world is going to fair during this economic downturn. We might not be able to rely on donors who are underwriting large portions of non-profit budgets. Less availability of credit means that families who have been paying tuition "on the house" aren't going to have this source of cash (not that I think home equity lines of credit are a good idea. . . but let's not kid ourselves about how much of this lifestyle is being funded by credit rather than cash). Job loss in the financial sector from executives to the kollel man turned mortgage agent is sure to hurt numerous pocketbooks of tuition paying parents.

And what about those who were already on the edge? Our own local tzedakah organization that helps with utility bills and food has had an increase of requests lately. Another commentor L writes: "The turn in the economy will probably also impact many families as it has already severely impacted the fixed-income elderly. Those who are trying to raise large families might also be asked to give their tzedukah to their own grandparents rather than to yeshivas." L points to an AARP magazine article regarding a trend of the elderly becoming increasingly reliant on their own family to help made ends meet. In the frum world, as we know, there are a number of parents, even middle age parents, who are reliant upon small and large gifts. What happens if those gifts have to start going the other direction because investments are down and prices are up, up, up?

L also asks, regarding tzedakah agencies, "Do the recipients outnumber the donors?" I have no idea. But I do know that tzedakah agencies often have to pick up the pieces after families pay tuition and we already know that schools offer some sort of discount to 1/3 to 75% of students. Therefore, I think we can safely make a guess that recipients outnumber donors, which of course is a problematic factor when we ask what the economy might do to Orthodox community in the next couple of years.

Just some rough comments. I'm not an economist, although I enjoy reading articles dealing with economics. Let's hear your own comments. I'm especially hoping to hear from those involved with tzedakah organizations that help with household bills and those who sit on tuition committees.

Guest Post: The Real Subject we Can't Talk About

Two weeks ago I linked to an Article by Rabbi Rosenbloom, "Can We Talk Seriously About Poverty?" The real subject we can't talk about that is, at the very least, highly correlated with frum financial challenges is family size. This blog has been around for approximately 2.5 years and in all that time, I haven't even directly touched the subject of large families, family planning, etc with a 10 foot pole. Of course, I've directly and indirectly alluded to the subject, but I have yet to give it its own forum. You just can't ignore the matter and write about finances. But, this subject is a halachic subject, a personal subject, a financial subject, a political subject, and a subject you just don't talk about. . . . . and since I don't have any firm opinions on the matter (or more acurately I have 10-20 conflicting opinions on the matter), I don't really find myself able to write anything remotely worth reading on the subject.

A few months ago, my inbox was filling up because Yeshiva World News posted a letter in the "Out of the Mailbag" section addressing Family Planning. By the time, I tried to link to the article, it was gone. I am told the article didn't last more than 3 hours before it was pulled. (I will challenge myself to beating the YWN record as I prepare for the onslaught of comments, despite a different readership).

This week, the author of the original article sent me an email with an attached document of the original article. I'm going to save my comments on his article for the comments section but am happy to give him a forum at my blog. The article follows below:

Family Planning – A Harsh Reality

No doubt there are those that are going to disagree with the following statements, but many would be hard-pressed to dispute the reality it represents. The following statements are not based on empirical research, but rather a data set based on numerous qualitative discussions with young couples in our community. I should also point out that having been in chinuch, both as a Rebbi and administrator, and a family therapist and now working full time in the corporate world, I believe I have some real insight into the different aspects of the following topic.
There are a number of challenges that Klal Yisrael is currently dealing with: shidduchim, parnossah, the internet to list just a few. Each one comes with its unique set of nisyonos and hardships. However, there is a new issue currently start to grow within the young families in our community. Family Planning. There are many young families in our community who are currently restricting the number of children they have due to the current costs of raising children. This is not being done out of choice, but as a practical last resort, as a way of preserving some sanity and shalom bayis in a home that would otherwise have none. As a Family Therapist I can tell you that the number one issue couples fight about are finances. More and more couples are faced with doing something they never imagined when they first got married, not having more children in exchange for not fighting about finances. Many young couples are reaching out to their rabbonim to discuss heterim that are available to them.

First, let’s look at the current fiscal situation for a young couple. A 30 year old couple with 3 children in school could potentially have a tuition bill of up to approximately $35,000, depending on where you live of course. If you add camp to the tab at $2,000 per child per summer the total cost of education per year is approximately $41,000. In order to earn enough money for education and camp the couple would have to earn approximately $55-60,000 per year. They have not yet housed their children, clothed them or fed them.

There will be those who are quick to jump and say, “Where is your bitachon? Have as many children as you want and Hashem will provide”. There is no question that the Ribbono Shel Olam is the ultimate provider, but not everyone can handle the challenges that come with being such a baal bitachon. That’s their reality. Does responsible parenting mean one is lacking in bitachon? We are talking about erliche families, who learn and daven daily in addition to earning 6 figure salaries. Who only want to provide the best possible chinuch and opportunities to their children without having to work 2-3 jobs and not even have the chance to see their children, learn with them or play with them.

Think about the choices that some families have to make: Sending kids to camp, in my opinion, a vital part of bringing up children or having another child? Paying full tuition and perhaps being able to hire a tutor when necessary or growing your family? Having your wife be able to work part time (or maybe not at all) or having another child? These are the choices currently being made by young couples today. Are they lacking Bitachon? Do they not have Emunah Sheleimah?

“Move somewhere cheaper.” Is that the answer? Instead of being able to provide the best svivah, hashkafah and chinuch to our children we should move to a new community that does not have these assets? Young couples should not be allowed to raise their children where they grew up themselves, because of factors beyond their control.

So what are the solutions? There is really no point in bringing up the topic unless there are some possible solutions. The solutions I am laying forth here have to do with the escalating cost of tuition in the Yeshivas and Bais Yaakov’s. For many families tuition represents the largest expense and that’s why many of the solutions lie there. The reality is with the rising costs of housing, food and energy many people are going to be forced to default on their Yeshiva commitments as it is. It’s not as if they are not going to house and feed their children. Yeshiva’s need to start to create solutions for themselves otherwise they will be spending more and more time fighting to collect money.

What can Yeshivas do?

1) Yeshivas should not offer full scholarships, only partial scholarships, even to their own Rabbeim. At one point in my career I ran a high school. Many parents could not afford the full tuition. Once we established the amount they could afford, I would take the remaining amount and tell the parents, “I will raise half and you raise the other half”. Parents were required to fundraise too. If the entire achrayos for the scholarship would have been on the yeshiva we would have had to raise tuition and only further perpetuate the problem. Rabbeim and others who cannot afford tuition must be involved in raising money; they cannot just rely on the yeshiva. There is no company in the world that offers that type of “perk” on top of a salary. Think about it, if a Rebbi has 3-4 children in the yeshiva and pays no tuition, his “perk” is worth $30-40,000 pre-tax! And someone is paying for that perk!

2) Yeshivas should not be allowed to force parents to pay tuition beyond the actual cost of educating the child. The cost of education is the actual cost of maintaining the class (salaries, physical plant and administrative fees) divided by the number of students per class. Yeshiva tuition is typically not a reflection of the actual cost per student. If a Yeshiva charges $11,000 per child and has 25 children per class the total amount of revenue per class is $275,000. It does not cost $275,000 a year to run a class. A percentage of full tuition goes towards supplying scholarships to needy students. Should Yeshivas offer scholarships to some students knowing that families being forced to pay full tuition may need to compensate by regulating the size of their family?

3) There must be a discount given for multiple children in the yeshiva. I.e. if one has 3+ children in one yeshiva they should be able to get a “multiple children” discount. If not, those being provided with free or heavily subsidised tuition are being encouraged to have more children while those being charged full are being forced to not.

Nothing is easy about these issues, neither the problems nor the solutions. If no one chooses to do anything about it though, there are many who will start to look for solutions that will at least give them some peace of mind, even if it means doing something drastic like family planning.

Love, Marriage, and Money

Hat Tip: Larry Lennhoff

The NY Times business section published an article "The Key to Wedded Bliss? Money Matters." This article underscores the importance of couples being on the same page financially and gives some practical guidelines on how to achieve such. I will give this article a recommended mark. It is a short, quick read.

I am a firm believer that speaking about finances before marriage is a must. However, when I get involved in a shidduch and ask about the other party's approach to finances, I get the distinct feeling I am asking for too much information (never mind that it is a-ok to discuss how much the parents are willing to do for their daughter/son). Somehow every other aspect of a person's life can get analyzed, but no one wants to delve further into this hashkafah/behavior although it is certain to affect the couple one way or another way.

The NY Times article begins, "IF you ask married people why their marriage works, they are probably not going to say it’s because they found their financial soul mate." Perhaps I'm the anomaly, but I am certain our marriage works because we are clearly on the same page in this arena and knew this going into our engagement.

If we were not on the same page, it would be hard to face pressure from parents/in-laws/siblings who don't share the same views regarding how we should earn and/or spend out money. If we were not on the same page, we would have far more difficulties when it comes to raising children. Finances come into play in so many parenting decisions, e.g. do we pay for the textbooks our kids lost or hold them accountable for the payment? Do we take a second job so they can go to camp or do we make do with alternative arrangements? Where do we draw the line on extra-curricular activities and trips? To what extent, if any, do we give support to our adult children? Do we say yes or no to optional school lunches perhaps making our thereby dooming our children to the status of "nebs" (see discussion at this post)?

Something the NY Times article does not touch upon when addressing finances as a couple is an issue that I wish I would NOT have to blog about, now or ever. But, sadly, I don't think there has been a frum fraud free quarter since I started this blog. That issue: none other than Yashrut. (Of course, this is not just a frum issue, although I do believe the pressures of a frum life make the issue a very relevant one).

For the second time in only a month, there is a major financial fraud case involving a "frum" Jew. The first case is the now famous Wextrust case involving $255 million of theft, much of the money stolen from the pockets of the Orthodox community. The newest case involves Leib Pinter. He plead guilty to mortgage fraud of $44 million dollars and it isn't the first time he has run into serious legal trouble. It seem the book he published through Artscroll is no longer available (I believe it was pulled between this morning when I started penning this post and this evening when I returned to finish the post). Hopefully he has a copy of Don't Give Up to help him get through the next 10 years.

I hate to have to have to put forward the same message again and again. . . . . but how your spouse earns money is your business and it is important business at that. And, this is an issue that I'd like to take more time to discuss because in certain circles there is no mesora for women in particular to make themselves full partners in the household and business finances. In the last letter I posted Mrs. A writes, "Believe it or not, there is even a mindset among parents that one must not discuss money issues with children because it will cause them unnecessary anxiety." There is also a mindset that women should be left in the dark about finances. . . . which obviously isn't working out too well. I do hope that my blog brings awareness of the importance of discussing finances BEFORE marriage and continue to come to function as a team regarding finances into marriage.

And, ladies and/or gents, if you know your spouse is walking a risky line, file separately. It won't save you or the kids from the consequences of a jail sentence in the case of a conviction, but it could save you from facing IRS charges yourself.

Teaching Children Respect for Belongings, Money

Mrs. A wrote to the Yated with a cry for help. She sees that the generation is a spoiled and wasteful one and wants camps to scale back, teachers to scale back, and children to be taught responsibility. In the style I've come to expect from those who write to the Yated, she calls for everyone else (primarily camps and schools) to take responsibility, but there is hardly a call for parents to take the bull by the horns.

One item she mentioned stands out to me. The letter writer, a teacher in a frum school, mentions that parents are stuck with sizable bills for lost textbooks at the end of the year. Can someone please explain to me why parents are paying the tab for lost textbooks??? I don't recall many lost texbooks during my school days, but then again I can't think of too many students whose parents would have paid that tab.

The road to responsibility and respect for property begins and ends with accountability. Simple as that.

TEACHING THEM TO RESPECT WHAT THEY HAVE
Dear Editor,

I would have preferred to involve the mechanchim of the Chinuch Roundtable in the discussion of this letter, but I have chosen to open up the following topic in this forum so that public interaction can begin.Rabbi Yitzchok Hisiger wrote an excellent article in last week’s Yated titled “Not ‘Just’ Pachim Ketanim” about the baal tashchis that goes on at the end of camp. Parents go all out for their children so that they can go to expensive summer camps. The children go to camp loaded with food, accessories, clothing and money. Today’s children have no clue how their parents agonize over paying for several children to attend camp each year at a total cost of at least $2,000 per child (once all extra related expenses are included). When they leave camp, their lack of responsibility is quite evident to the camp administration.

Rabbi Hisiger also mentioned that the same lack of responsibility continues in school. As a teacher in a local high school, I am appalled each year at the amount of money parents have to send in at the September orientation because their children didn’t return all their school textbooks in June. The amounts range from $20 to as much as $175! The children lack responsibility and they have no concept, as Rabbi Hisiger stated, of being “chas on their parents’ money.”

This generation is a spoiled one. They expect just about everything from their parents. They don’t know that everything comes with a price tag. Believe it or not, there is even a mindset among parents that one must not discuss money issues with children because it will cause them unnecessary anxiety. This is the issue that I would love to see discussed by mechanchim and parents.

Anyone who is in touch with reality is quite aware of the state of the world economy. People are losing their homes and their jobs, and others can’t pay their tuition bills. I don’t have to mention that the price of gas and groceries has adversely affected our financial situations. This is no longer a personal issue. It isn’t about Family A or Family B. We’re all in the same boat, regardless of color, race or religion. I think that it is time to enlighten our children that the world economy is in trouble. I think that the schools should address the issue by scaling back the extra curricular expenses and explaining to the students what the reason is. Teachers should scale back the list of school supplies needed, and include only those items that are absolutely necessary. Camps should address this issue by scaling back the types of trips, breakouts and narishkeiten that add to the excitement but subtract from the parents’ wallets. I challenge the camps to budget next summer in a way that will minimize camp expenses and maybe even bring down the price of camp. The baal tashchis that goes on in camps on the administrative level is unacceptable. Children should understand that they cannot expect from their parents what they used to expect automatically.

I have spoken to the menaheles of the high school that I teach in, and she is in total agreement with me. Almost everyone today is feeling the painful pinch of living expenses that have jumped to unaffordable numbers. It is time for our children to be made aware of the situation, so that they can be more sensitive. I believe that children who are old enough to spend money should be taught a sense of real responsibility. They should protect their possessions, assess what they really need for the coming year, and determine what they can do without. If we teach them this concept now, it will give them the tools to be responsible adults later.

I would love to hear feedback from principals, teachers, parents, and, yes, boys and girls as well.

Sincerely,
Mrs. A.

Foolish!

I see that some arayot are to be actively fought (i.e. bike lanes in Williamsburg that might bring non-tzniutly dressed bike riders through a neighborhood), while other, far more serious, arayot are to be tolerated/covered up/protected (i.e. molestation of children, the NY Post, and here ). I'm so disgusted. Want to read more, see Rabbi Horowitz, Gil Student, the Wolf, and ProfK. The Wolf also has a number of links.

I am going to stay out of this conversation and let the other bloggers comment. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. Here you have an entire community that not only won't help, but wants to keep others from helping. The foundation could be caving in, but these people are painting their walls. Foolish!

Book Review: Strapped: Why America’s 20- and 30-Somethings Can’t Get Ahead
by Tamara Draut

(Please also see the Guest Post on Life Insurance following this post).

I keep walking by this book on the library shelf. Tempted to pick it up and give it a quick read, I've passed on the opportunity. Fortunately finance blogger TheFinanceBuff has posted his own 6 part review and I can see that my initial guess about what the contents would be was correct. I guessed the book detail financial stories of young people showing that they can't get ahead because of external factors when much of their problem (certainly not all of it) is their own fiscal behavior. I also correctly guessed that the author would then conclude with a call for more government action, rather than a cry for personal responsibility, which is a cry we could use more of.

Seems my guess was right on the money. The Finance Buff recommends highly against this book writing, "1 star, harmful more than helpful. Getting hung up on entitlement and developing a victim mentality will not help our younger generation get ahead." Couldn't agree more. Seems this conclusion has been echoed on my blog on a weekly basis no less in regards to the frum community.

The reason I bring the review to my own pages is to outline how financial trouble starts brewing. While the stories in the book are not profiling frum Jews, the patterns are similiar. If you want to get ahead, don't do what the people in this book are doing.

The Finance Buff's reviews include the following:

Stories from Strapped: College Education

Here is the secular version of the frum story I've seen:

Renee’s parents couldn’t afford to pay for her college, so she attended community college while working full time and supporting an unemployed boyfriend. A new job created conflicts with her class schedule. She dropped out with $4,500 in student loans. Four years later she’s still paying the loan. Without a college degree, Renee works as a legal secretary earning $28,000 a year. Renee regrets not being able to earn a four-year degree.

Renee's problem is not the small student loan, although she would be better off without it. Renee's problem is that she is trying to support two people on her own low salary and because her boyfriend isn't financially contributing, she has no time to plan for the future because there are bills coming due now. If Renee was frum, she might be trying to support a husband (either in kollel or in training for parnasah post-kollel) and young children on her low salary. And in addition to having more mouths to feed, she has daycare bills to pay, tuition bills looming, a minivan that has been financed because she needs to run carpool, and she can't get onto a career path with more potential because there are simply too many balls in the air at once. Renee should be able to turn her situation around rather quickly. I'm not so sure about her frum counterpart unfortunately.

Stories from Strapped: Paycheck

The author is trying to make the case in Chapter 2 that young people can't get ahead because they lack good jobs. No doubt that the global economy and outsourcing have made it harder to compete. But the stories to prove the case do anything but.

Here is the secular story:

Susan had seven jobs in six years after she graduated from college. She quit her first job because she wanted to live close to her future husband. She left her second job because another job offered a higher salary, and she quit her third job because the hours were too long. She left her fourth job because a startup gave her substantially higher salary and commission. After the startup failed, she was unemployed for a while. Then she got into retail, her sixth job. She left the retail job for law school. Now she works for a non-profit while attending law school.

With the exception of being laid off, Susan's inability to command a better salary doesn't have to do with lack of work, but rather her inability to stick with the same employer for an extended period of time.

I met the frum version of this story more than once when I was dating. It came in the form of young men who blamed the Yeshiva system for not encouraging them to pursue higher education, yet the higher education wouldn't have helped them get off the starting block because they would up and leave their employers regularly. One man around 30 years old who I spoke with seemed very lovely. When I asked about jobs, it turned out he had 10 jobs in his 10 years job history. He wished he would make more money. But, employees who don't stick around much past the time frame it takes to train them, don't tend to get raises. Other times the story revolves around a young man who sincerely wants to learn, but also wants to work and bounces between jobs and Yeshiva, settling into neither one.

I don't find the girls to bounce as much, but that often changes with marriage. Today it is popular for young couples to take a year to learn in Eretz Yisrael. The wife, barely into her career path moves. Perhaps the most dramatic bouncing I have seen was a young couple that lived in three locations in three years, each move coming with a change in kollel. The wife had taken on sole support, but of course was switching jobs like no tomorrow. . . . and she threw in some maternity leaves for good measure. I can only imagine that despite having taken on the primary earner role, she has been placed on the "Mommy track."

Stories from Strapped: Debt

The author makes the case that young people can't get ahead because they are strapped with debt, student debt and consumer debt.

Here is the secular story:

Lori, a 33-year-old living in Manhattan, still has $40,000 in student loans debt. She earned only $16,000 a year in her first job as a social worker and community organizer in New York. Her income "inched upward" over time but it’s still not enough to pay all her bills and loan payment. So she deferred payments on her student loans.


The frum version of the story is a young modern Orthodox lady who is working as a teacher's assistant, yet must live on the Upper West Side because she believes this is the place she must be to get married, yet her salary is not at all commensurate with living in one of the most expensive locales in the US. She also has student loans that are astronomical because she had to go to college in New York in order to get married.

Starting to see a theme? Once our friend gets married, her story starts to resemble those of Elaine, David and Lisa who have used their credit cards to fund furniture, weddings, and traveling for friends weddings.

Stories from Strapped: Housing

Did I mention weddings? Here the author makes the case that Housing is Too Expensive. I'd agree that housing is a stretch, even moreso for frum families who can't live just anywhere. But, the house of cards isn't just toppling because of housing costs, it is toppling because other expensive choices are being piled onto a shaky house. And some of those stories are about putting on weddings that couldn't be paid for in cash.

I'd say the secular and the frum stories have a similar ring. Debt undertaken in the name of marriage or to get to friends weddings. The difference might be that the major portion of wedding debt in the frum world is undertaken by parents, so one could say that this is a reason America's frum 40, 50, and 60-somethings can't get ahead and/or are sinking in a sea of debt. Even the travel costs to weddings are often undertaken by the parents of bochurim, or perhaps even the parents of the chatan as we learned in this post. Nonetheless, between the costs of dating, marriage, and being mesameach your friends, plenty of money is expended.

Stories from Strapped: Child Care

In this chapter, the author makes the case "and baby makes broke." Can't argue with the author that child care is expensive; darn expensive. Unsurprisingly, the author proposes the cost of childcare be undertaken by big brother.

The secular story and the frum story have a similar ring, but in the frum story "big brother" is the childcare provider who some feel should be doing a chessed and providing cheap care. Of course, in the frum story the costs are multiplied many times over, normally by 2, sometimes by 4, and even by 5 and 6. . . . .and then comes tuition and camp (which is not considered a necessity, not a luxury as we are continually being told).

Regarding the feeling that those who provide childcare are providing a chessed, my friends are always talking about how terrible it is that (frum) childcare providers charge so much (as if they don't have families of their own to feed). My friends also complain there are just simply not enough Jewish and frum childcare providers. My friends who are have been frum childcare providers tell me they have said enough because they didn't get paid on time, that the mothers were constantly asking for discounts because they "can't afford" so much (note to any babysitters out there. . . . never, ever, ever agree to give one mother a discount because it will come back to bite you when every other mother wants the same deal because people talk), that they were constantly being pressured into providing additional hours that the provider had specifically specified she would not do, and that they felt like shmattas by the end of the experience.

Conclusion

It is by no means easy to get ahead and stay ahead in this competitive world. But none of these stories are really about people who can't get ahead at all. They are stories about people who won't get ahead because they are making very expensive choices and are loosing financial ground while those making more frugal choices are gaining financial ground.

No doubt that in the frum world we have more limited choices. But, within those choices, we can't squander the parnasah that Hashem grants us. It is wonderful to have large and larger families. It is wonderful to attend friends weddings. It is wonderful to buy nice furnishings, clothing, etc. But, choices have to be made and if you make too many expensive choices equals broke.

I agree with the author that books like this do nothing but promote a victim mentality. I do hope my blog promotes a feeling of empowerment, because empowerment is what is needed to gain some footing in a tough world.

Guest Post: Life Insurance Basics

Thank you to my Guest Poster, an employee of Prudential who kindly wrote up a post on the basics of life insurance. I am always indebted to my guest posters. Once more I will take the opportunity to stress the importance of life insurance. Post follows:

There are two types of life insurance – permanent and term. Permanent, as its name implies, provides coverage until you die, as long as you don’t lapse the policy. Term offers coverage for a specified time period. Permanent insurance generally has a cash value that belongs to you even if you lapse the policy, while term provides pure insurance coverage with (usually) no cash value.

A few quick words about permanent insurance. Types of this insurance are Whole Life, Universal Life, and Variable Universal Life. These are basically complicated investment vehicles in addition to providing life insurance. Investment return accumulates tax free until cash value is withdrawn. Most people are better off keeping their insurance and investment needs separate, since permanent insurance doesn’t offer the most competitive investment returns. Certain very high net worth individuals or couples who have insurance needs may benefit from these policies for estate planning purposes. If this is you, you and your financial advisor know who you are.

This discussion will focus on term, which, thanks to competition within the industry, has become quite economical. I’m not going to show sample rates because they vary by age, sex, whether or not you smoke, and your health, but several hundred dollars a year of outlay can buy several hundred thousand dollars of coverage, or much much more.

The type of term you can buy today is generally what’s known as level term. Level term lets you buy a fixed amount of coverage for a period, such as 10, 15, or 20 years, paying the same premium each year. The price is calculated to be level even though the cost of insuring you goes up each year (after all, you’re getting older and you might be getting sicker). The flexibility to buy term insurance for periods as short as 5 years or up to 30 years, depending on your personal needs, is one of the great things about level term.

As I said, there is a great deal of competitiveness in the industry and there is not a lot of price difference among the cheapest 10 companies, so don’t feel you have to shop for the absolute lowest rate. You can buy through an independent agent, which means that he/she is not representing any one company and can search for the policy that’s best for you. I don’t recommend buying life from the same company that sells you homeowners’ or car insurance, though it might be convenient. Many times a property insurer will offer a couple of life products just for this reason, but they are not life specialists and therefore don’t have the most competitive rates.

Your agent should also consider the claims paying ability of the company you are choosing. Ratings from A.M. Best and Standard & Poor’s are available at sites like insure.com. In addition to the big names in the insurance business (MetLife, Northwestern Mutual, AIG, ING), here are some companies which may not be household names that are very competitively priced: Banner Life, West Coast Life, Genworth.

How much term life insurance do you need? The rule of thumb is 10 times income. For example, if your income is $100,000, you need $1 million in coverage. Consider your family size and tuition costs. There is such a thing as mortgage insurance, which is not worth buying as a separate coverage. Make sure your main policy is enough to cover paying off your mortgage. Even a stay at home parent should have life insurance, because of childcare and other household help that would be needed in the event of a claim.

Not surprisingly, your health will determine how much you pay. Companies offer super low rates to people who are in very good health. Depending on the amount of insurance you buy, you will be underwritten based on your health. (Very small policies aren’t underwritten to a great degree). There can be blood tests and a medical or paramedical exam, and a health history and usually a family history will be taken. If you think you have health issues, discuss with the agent, since some companies underwrite more or less leniently and a knowledgeable agent can take this into account when recommending a policy.

Here are some health issues that you might not realize are big considerations. Have you been diagnosed with depression? Do you have high cholesterol? Even if these problems are controlled with medication, they will count against you, although you may still be able to buy an affordable policy, especially at younger ages. Obesity will also count. These are in addition to obvious sicknesses such as heart problems, history of cancer, etc.

Therefore, it’s good to buy a policy when you’re still young and healthy.

By the way, it’s not a good idea to every lie on an application, even if you think you can get away with it. Besides the fact that it’s totally wrong, if you do ch”v have a claim, especially in the first 2 years (a legal period known as the “contestable period”), your application will be scrutinized. There is a difference between fraud (actually trying to defraud an insurer) and misrepresentation (knowingly or accidentally fudging the facts). These are actually complicated legal terms, but either way, if you lie you will either get caught before the policy is issued or if there is a claim, it may face legal challenges.

Insurance is one of the few things we buy hoping never to use it, but there are unfortunate events, and claims happen every day. If you have a claim, your insurance company will probably offer to put the proceeds in an interest bearing account for you. This is worth considering, even though common sense says that the company is doing this so that they can continue to make money. People don’t usually think straight after experiencing something traumatic like the loss of a spouse, and you may be tempted to use the money unwisely. Tie the money up in an interest bearing account (if you don’t want to leave it with the insurer, you can shop around for a good rate, but something tells me this is not what someone wants to do when they’ve just had a loss), leaving an amount available for living expenses, and at some point get financial advice on how best to use the proceeds to meet your future obligations.

Let’s say you live to the end of the level term period – now what? If you have timed your policy to expire when your dependents no longer need the death benefit – good for you, that is what you should have done. But what if, for example, you had a baby unexpectedly later in life? When the term period runs out, you will probably still be eligible for coverage, but your rates will skyrocket, and go up each year thereafter. If you are still healthy and young enough you may be able to buy a new policy on the open market. If not – let’s say you have health problems that make you uninsurable – you may find it worthwhile to keep the original term policy even at the super high rates. Some policies allow you to convert to a permanent insurance policy from a term policy without further underwriting. It’s more expensive than term, but this may be the way to go if your health does not allow you to buy a new policy.

There is a fairly new type of insurance out there called Return of Premium Term (ROP Term). This pays you back all your premiums if you live to the end of the level period. It’s more expensive than regular term insurance. It appeals to people who feel that they have to get something for their money no matter what. It’s a psychological need some people have. If this is you, you might consider it.

New Thrifty Blogger on the Block

A poster at Imamother forum started a fantastic new blog, Saving Money Ideas. Every week she goes through different ads, including Walgreens and CVS, and does the hard work for her readers. She tells us what the good sales are and where to find the coupons that can be clipped, should they not be sitting in your coupon file. For more reading on Organizing Shopping, check out my post on the subject.

Most importantly, she has a post on how to use the CVS Extra Bucks system effectively. I see no need to reinvent the wheel, so follow the link.

Another great source for those with cash is BankRate.com. Bank Rate is a website that lets you compare different financial products with the click of a button. The website also runs some ads which might lead you to a different product that is worthwhile. I am in the process of moving our Emergency Fund to Everbank, which is offering a money market account (i.e. liquid savings account) with a 4.76% APY for 3 months. Not bad! When the promotion is up, I will head back to find another good account.

Costly Demands on Steroids

Related to the last post regarding costly demands on parents is a subject that SuperRaizy brought up on her blog. However, this demand is far more costly, a demand on steroids. That demand is costly class trips. SuperRaizy's son's school has planned a Shabbaton at the cost of $320 per student. She didn't let him go to the Shabbaton last year because it cost too much, but would like to be able to send him this year. (And I'm sure there are families who can multiply these costly demands-school trips, mandatory school lunches, etc- by 2, 4, or 6).

I've written plenty about saying no. But sometimes we parents want to say yes! Yes, you heard me correctly. Sometimes we want to say yes.

The real chutzpah is putting parents in a position where they can't win. It is simply a chutzpah or plan a trip that is so massively expensive. It is simply a chutzpah to plan costly trips (and sometimes multiple costly trips) when many families have not taken even a small vacation of their own in many years in order to pay the already bloated tuitions. It is simply a chutzpah to ask for atrocious amounts of money and it teaching children that money grows on trees and is there for the taking. It is simply a chutzpah to make an already costly enough Orthodoxy even more costly and out of reach.

Raizy, I agree and sympathize with your sentiments. But, please. After you are done paying off this trip, let the administration know that the paying parents expect some mercy.

School Supplies

Long ago I printed an advertisement from Marvin Schick that ran in the Jewish Press calling upon schools to show sensitivity to parents and stop sending home constant requests for money, often through their children. On top of tuition, there is no question these requests are hurtful.

ProfK has a good post up about the cost of school supplies. Schools today are sending home lists of supplies that are just massive. ProfK witnessed shoppers from the Catholic School at the Staples spending atrocious amounts of money. Grandparent Ruchi, at ProfK, volunteered a gift of school supplies for 7 grandchildren and was out $600. I witnessed a similar sight to ProfK a number of years ago at the Target where Yeshiva students and their parents were trying to meet the requirements of the list like it was a dress code. I said to myself at the time, what ever happened to a set of dividers, some notebook paper, a binder, and a few extras? We even had classroom calculator sets through middle school.

My mother used to say that the teachers in my middle-class public school were not sensitive to the parents with less with their constant demand for this supply or that supply. We didn't have a problem with a $5 outlay here and there. My mother would say these demands would never fly in the neighborhood she grew up in where everyone struggled and everyone was aware of this. Often the costlier demands were for supplies for projects that didn't have a ton of educational value, but looked good on a wall.

I can only imagine what she would say regarding massive lists or today that are common in both public and private schools. I've seen these lists and they which pale in comparison to the few supplies we had to bring. And, ultimately, as commentors at ProfK's blog point out, many of these supplies go unused and get lost.

ProfK is right that kids are getting all the wrong messages regarding consumerism (the stores play right into the increased demands as a market for more and more choice is created) and "more is more." This week's parsha includes a mitzvah not to waste and destroy. Perhaps a less demanding supply list that let's parents make due would be more appropriate?

Frugality is the Best Training

A commentor with the screen name Thinking posted a question to me on my post regarding my post on a conversation with my son where he asked why we don't have a cleaning lady. Thinking writes:

Just a thought: IY"H your children will grow up and get married. The odds are that one of your children's spouses may prefer to have cleaning help then cleaning themselves and may even be willing to give up something else not to have to do the cleaning. How are you going to make sure that your children are open to that possibility? As an aside, as a bochur I ate out at peoples homes 100's of times. I can assure you that both my friends and I, many of us who grew up with housekeeper at home, were no less likely to be willing to come over before shabbos to help clean or watch the children or clean up on shabbos then our friends who did not have cleaning help at home. This was based on our upbringing not our socioeconomic status.

I found the question interesting because it would be the exact opposite of the question I might ask which would be how are we as a community steeped in relative luxury preparing our children to survive on less? While I hate to be doom and gloom, I think this is a likely scenario for a variety of reasons.

But back to the question: I am not, nor do I intend to prepare my children for taking on this luxury or that luxury. A few things:

1. We cannot prepare our children for every scenario in life, we can only give our children survival tools.
2. Frugality is a survival tool. A person who is frugal is far more prepared to search for alternatives, substitute one product for another, and cut back, than one who is not accustomed to doing so. Frugality equals flexibility.
3. Living with more is far easier than living with less. If my kids decide to add a cleaning lady to their budget either by finding more income, saving less, or taking it from somewhere else in the budget, than that is their own decision to grapple with (although I really don't know where all the money for cleaning help is coming from). But if there is no room in the budget, at least they won't feel like they are taking such a hit in "lifestyle."

P.S. It does not surprise me one bit that children who grew up with housekeepers have nice middot and are willing to help out where needed.

Does this Fact Need to Be Specified?

It is not the first time that I have seen a letter writer write, in regards to their salary, "I get paid on the books." (Also see here).

Yashrut must be at an all-time low if one has to remind others he gets paid on the books (i.e. he receives a W-2 or completes a Schedule C) when writing a letter about financial matters. Isn't the default assumption that you and I pay taxes, the amounts varying of course?

Just in case my readers are interested, "I get paid on the books" too. :) But besides translating post-tax dollars into an understandable pre-tax dollar figure or visa versa, I don't see the need to point out that we are honest. On would hope the default assumption is that we are honest.

The Slavery Mentality

Directly related to the discussion on how to rescue an entire community from crushing poverty would be the discussion on how to free a community from a slavery mentality.

We know that when Hashem took the nation out of Egypt, there were complaints about difficulty of life in the midbar, specifically the lack of specific foods. Despite the crushing slavery that was Mitzrayim, there was also was security, ironic as it may seem. We are told that one of the miracles of the Exodus was that Am Yisrael became free men in the fullest sense of the term. Our communal memory of slavery had to be completely eradicated in order to truly become bnei horin. As we know, communal memories run deep.

Today much of the Orthodox world has become slaves to another set of rulers l'chatchila. The only "solutions" Mr. Rosenblum presented were those of a man enslaved by a welfare mentality: being on the government's payroll (i.e. the dole) and taking tzedakah from the "rich." And even the third solution, living a simpler life, which should be commendable if the solution was attached to fighting ostentatious displays of consumption, not in making a three year old sleep on the floor because one has chose a "Career in Learning" and can't afford mattresses.

Ariella recently wrote a post called Free Food on Nahama deskisufa, or bread of shame. Bread which is not earned is inherently differently than bread earned through efforts in this world. But what happens when a person becomes accustomed to eating from the efforts of others? They become a ward in the welfare state.

Ariella points to a post from her communal list serve in which a husband and father of 5 children is considering passing up a pay raise because he might loose his food stamps! There is no question that welfare is as addictive as any drug.

Want to fight poverty? Free the slaves.