Hat Tip: A reader who pointed me to Rafi of LifeinIsrael blog. Thank you!
Kollel Guy is calling out a Bais Yaakov administrator who, in the course of negotiating tuition obligation of a family in which the father learns full time, tells the father “It’s time for you to leave kollel, get a job, and pay tuition just like anyone else.” I simply don't see what is outrageous about this at all, unless, of course, you have a super-sized sense of entitlement that is!
Kollel guy goes onto explain why the rational is so outrageous (Cliff Notes for those not suffering from a super-sized sense of entitlement). He explains that a school's success is dependent on the makeup of the student body and that "Kollel families generally are of a higher caliber, and raise the overall standard of the school." He continues on that kollel families have higher standards of chinuch and that they don't cause jealousy by going to fancy hotels for Pesach and mid-winter vacation.
I don't know what alternative universe Kollel Guy is living in, but you would have to be naive to believe that having a high number of kollel families automatically equals better chinuch, and you'd have to be extremely naive to believe that having a sizable group within a community that is seen as a "drain" on resources does not contribute to a significant amount of resentment and jealousy. I certainly appreciate how many kollel families have given of themselves to help build Torah communities. But, let's not go overboard here. I'd suggest that KollelGuy spend an hour on the playground, a day in the classroom, or better yet, an hour in the halls of a yeshiva on the yomin noraim. An overemphasis on the material is responsible for many issues. I'd say lack of money, dependence on community, government, and/or parents, coupled with potential attachment issues from early childhood, has been keeping many a school social worker busy and is eating into some of the moral fiber of the kehilla at large, as we witness here when someone dares utter a commonsense suggestion to a father with elementary aged children.
Bottom line: it costs a lot of money to run schools and shifting the burden onto everyone else has reached its useful life. Kollel Father. . . . . . it is time to go out and work and/or become a SAHD/homemaking father if that choice makes more sense in the short term. It is your obligation to mechanech your children, not the Bais Yaakov principal's job.
[Incidently, there are many commonsense posts at KollelGuy's blog, including How NOT to Support Children and a discussion of working part time/learning where money is not of particular concern].
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
That Would Be Too Easy!
Another letter to the Yated. While cyberspace is filled with buzz about how the tuition crisis is going to be fixed (or not fixed, as the case might be), we can't even take one of the most basic steps to help parents out: coordinate winter breaks?!
What I'd like to hear from my readers: what schedule changes would help you reduce additional out of pocket expenses? Although I'm resigned, I'm still hoping that bloggers can provide a productive forum.
MIDWINTER VACATION CRISIS
Dear Editor,
I would like to address the issue of different school schedules for midwinter vacation. I feel that this is a problem that can be easily rectified. Most families send their children to an average of three different yeshivas or schools. This could mean three different weeks of midwinter vacation. I feel that this practice is unfair both to the parents- many of whom are working - and to the children. If a child is the only one in the family who attends a particular yeshiva/school,
then he/she has no siblings to spend vacation with. In addition, parents cannot take off so
many days from work to accommodate the various vacation schedules. Unfortunately,
this may cause children old enough to be left home to be bored and unsupervised.
I suggest that within a community, all of the schools should get together and have the identical midwinter vacation schedule. This would enable parents to take off a few days from work and spend quality time with their entire family. A vacation is meant to be enjoyable, and I feel that one vacation schedule for the entire family would accomplish this.
I hope that all the yeshivos and schools will read this letter and take heart.
Thank you.
A Frustrated Parent With Three Different Vacation Schedules
Coming from the accounting field, I personally can't think of a worse time for vacation than mid-January.
What I'd like to hear from my readers: what schedule changes would help you reduce additional out of pocket expenses? Although I'm resigned, I'm still hoping that bloggers can provide a productive forum.
MIDWINTER VACATION CRISIS
Dear Editor,
I would like to address the issue of different school schedules for midwinter vacation. I feel that this is a problem that can be easily rectified. Most families send their children to an average of three different yeshivas or schools. This could mean three different weeks of midwinter vacation. I feel that this practice is unfair both to the parents- many of whom are working - and to the children. If a child is the only one in the family who attends a particular yeshiva/school,
then he/she has no siblings to spend vacation with. In addition, parents cannot take off so
many days from work to accommodate the various vacation schedules. Unfortunately,
this may cause children old enough to be left home to be bored and unsupervised.
I suggest that within a community, all of the schools should get together and have the identical midwinter vacation schedule. This would enable parents to take off a few days from work and spend quality time with their entire family. A vacation is meant to be enjoyable, and I feel that one vacation schedule for the entire family would accomplish this.
I hope that all the yeshivos and schools will read this letter and take heart.
Thank you.
A Frustrated Parent With Three Different Vacation Schedules
Coming from the accounting field, I personally can't think of a worse time for vacation than mid-January.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Resigned
When I starting writing, I thought there might be a way out of the tuition crisis. I'm currently resigned that change isn't coming this way.
Hat Tip: A reader who is free to self-identify
The Jewish Standard just published a report about the North American Jewish Educators conference, held in Teaneck recently. Registration for the conference ranged from $500-$595 excluding accommodations. It was attended by 550 educators. I really do hope that something to help the "tuition crisis" will come out of these rather pricey conferences (is there no facility to replace a Hilton or Marriott?). But I'm resigned. I think we need to consider non-conventional alternatives. But if the approach is one that "there is no alternative to day school," the community will miss the opportunity to test some potentially viable alternatives before collapse (sorry for the gloom and doom, I just don't believe that a funding model in which the "haves" are expected to carry a bigger burden each year is economically sound).
The money quote: “Our fundamental belief is there is nothing wrong with our educational model. Our educational model is wonderful. What’s wrong is our funding model.”
More later.
Hat Tip: A reader who is free to self-identify
The Jewish Standard just published a report about the North American Jewish Educators conference, held in Teaneck recently. Registration for the conference ranged from $500-$595 excluding accommodations. It was attended by 550 educators. I really do hope that something to help the "tuition crisis" will come out of these rather pricey conferences (is there no facility to replace a Hilton or Marriott?). But I'm resigned. I think we need to consider non-conventional alternatives. But if the approach is one that "there is no alternative to day school," the community will miss the opportunity to test some potentially viable alternatives before collapse (sorry for the gloom and doom, I just don't believe that a funding model in which the "haves" are expected to carry a bigger burden each year is economically sound).
The money quote: “Our fundamental belief is there is nothing wrong with our educational model. Our educational model is wonderful. What’s wrong is our funding model.”
More later.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
More on the Break-In and Internal Controls
Given my interest in the area of internal controls, I'm watching the story I posted last week on the break-in into Rabbi Shteiman's home with a mix of curiousity and passion. It seems to me (one [wo]man's opinion) that this crime should be easily solvable. If this report is accurate, the police know that someone had a key to the apartment and one to the cash drawer. Either full information is not being offered up to the police, or internal controls were so weak that the askanim simply don't have a clue who has copies of keys and how many times keys have been duplicated throughout the years. My inkling is the former, although I wouldn't discount the latter.
In terms of the latter, how many of our schools and shuls have keys/security codes that are known to nearly all shul members, students, etc? This is a policy that should be reconsidered. I imagine that if I returned to a former residence, I would still be able to punch my way right into a certain building. Of course, there are other institutions that don't always lock the doors.
As per the newest report regarding the break in at Rav Shteinman's home, a safe has been installed amongst other security measures. I don't know if a safe is sufficient for an organization that deals with $50K in cash at any one point. I do know that a safe that isn't behind secure doors can be picked up and carted off.
Hopefully this incident will serve as a call to shuls, schools, and tzedakah organizations to take a look at their internal controls, seek professional advice, and make changes were needed. A good place to start would be changing the key codes in many an institution. If the entire student body or most of a kehillah knows the code, you have a security issue.
In terms of the latter, how many of our schools and shuls have keys/security codes that are known to nearly all shul members, students, etc? This is a policy that should be reconsidered. I imagine that if I returned to a former residence, I would still be able to punch my way right into a certain building. Of course, there are other institutions that don't always lock the doors.
As per the newest report regarding the break in at Rav Shteinman's home, a safe has been installed amongst other security measures. I don't know if a safe is sufficient for an organization that deals with $50K in cash at any one point. I do know that a safe that isn't behind secure doors can be picked up and carted off.
Hopefully this incident will serve as a call to shuls, schools, and tzedakah organizations to take a look at their internal controls, seek professional advice, and make changes were needed. A good place to start would be changing the key codes in many an institution. If the entire student body or most of a kehillah knows the code, you have a security issue.
More Excellent Advice for Job Seekers
In a previous guest post, I featured an article from Baltimore's Where What When regarding good career advice on getting a real education, understanding how economic value is created, and some advice on the hiring process.
Cross-Currents has up a post from a Mr. Rubin on "Advice for the Job Forlorn" which also is an honest assessment and resource for young men in our communities who are starting out on the employment track.
I think it is really important to disemintate solid advice that flies in the fact of faulty advice I've seen handed out like candy. A recent example of such faulty advice, directed to young frum males, was posted on a frum website (sorry, I can't remember the link). A writer advised young yeshiva students to bolster their resumes by listing their "experience" in leadership and organization as gabbaim, leaders of learning groups, etc. Such job advice is out there and readily available, but such advice flies in the face of advice offered by professionals and accessible in major publications. Employers much prefer an employee who lacks experience to simply be honest about their lack of experience, rather than "bolster" their resume where, upon hiring, the lack of experience is quickly uncovered. Bolstering a resume might serve a short term purpose, but in the end, it can shoot you in the foot when you don't live up to expectation. Unfortunately, one of my clients had such an experience recently.
These experiences, unfortunately, don't always just reflect badly on the employee. They are often projected onto a larger group, such as frum Jews as a whole, bochurim, or the newly religious. I found this out when I went on a job interview around a year ago. While the questions the owner of the firm asked me might have violated employment laws (the questions didn't bother me. . . I can hold my own in an interview), I could completely understand his reluctance to hire another person in the frum community. Unfortunately, I couldn't take the job because of scheduling issues as I really liked the environment and the opportunity to expand my skills, but it was nice to be able to clear up some misconceptions regarding normative halacha and practice and hopefully pave the way for the next frum person who might come and interview.
Here is the Cross-Currents advice:
As an employee for a large corporation within a mainstream Jewish community, I’ve had the opportunity to respond to many requests for job search assistance from both individuals and Jewish organizations dedicated to this effort. As a result of this experience, I feel compelled to share a few thoughts on what I believe to be a significant concern. Several of the candidates who have approached me have a number of critical issues they need to address before actually applying for a job. They prepare poorly written resumes which reveal very active Jewish lifestyles, ambiguous advanced degrees, and “work experience” which is debatable and irrelevant. I have tried to delicately communicate the following ideas to these candidates:
• A resume is not a recorded history of extra-curricular activities from 9th grade and onward. Each statement has to send a powerful message that is meaningful to the non-Jewish reader and will make he/she want to distinguish your resume from the other thousand on the pile.
• Identifying yourself as an Orthodox Jew (or a member of any other religious or ethnic group, for that matter) is not to your advantage. It is not wise to encourage the reader to believe you are different than the rest of the world and may have special needs. Either make an accomplishment religiously neutral or exclude it.
• Please face the fact that your degree gives you no skills or experience and market yourself accordingly. Whether you like it or not, you are competing with people who have serious skills and experience in addition to the requisite educational backgrounds, so plan accordingly. (I am not looking to condemn our current educational system but it is important to avoid the negligence of misunderstanding your status in the job market). You may have seen or heard a great deal about drunk, overindulgent degenerates without priorities but these will not be the people you are dealing with to earn a living.
These resumes are embarrassing and would demean any professional who thoughtlessly passed them on. Unfortunately, the situation becomes worse as I try to impart these messages. This is because these candidates choose not to listen. Instead they will usually apply to additional jobs and then e-mail me for assistance with getting an Interview. Even if I could bypass the resume stage and deliver them straight to an interview, I would never do so considering the striking shortage of social and emotional intelligence that they have displayed throughout this process. In addition to shortcomings in powerful statements that sell their skills, many of them do not have the social skills to conduct a conversation with me, let alone a non-Jewish employer who will have much less latitude or patience.
To summarize, I have been seeing a significant amount of untrained job seekers who have little to no marketable skills with degrees that clearly did not teach them to discuss their field in a manner that is anything less than embarrassing.
I realize that responders to statements like these have a tendency to rush to ideological bandwagons. Perhaps this clarification will save a bit of time. I attended Kollel for many years, then spent time in chinuch and am therefore familiar with the” landscape”. As I stated earlier I am not using this letter to bury or praise the “system”. Instead my purpose is to point out that there are many people exiting our educational systems who are drastically unprepared to enter the job market. Now more than ever, the Jewish community is being asked to facilitate this transition directly, by brokering opportunities for these job seekers, and indirectly by the urgent calls for funds from the struggling mosdos that these job seekers are a part of. (I am not suggesting that they or their children should be rejected from these mosdos Chas VeShalom, merely pointing out that this job search is ultimately being subsidized.) I have met way too many people whose preparation for the financial responsibilities of marriage and family consists of a series of anecdotes, incidental conversations and some seed money that eventually runs out. They seem to feel that earning a degree with an indistinct title is sufficient preparation for immediate hire. It is highly unfortunate that this fallacy must be pointed out at advanced stages of financial responsibility. Wouldn’t it behoove a student to ask an institution offering a degree about how it will prepare them for the job market? Might a conversation or two with an experienced professional in a desired field shed some light on whether a degree program is a waste of time or a valid first step into the job market? My recent experiences and the world economic situation demand that now more than ever, transition planning which emphasizes professional development, social/emotional intelligence and financial realities are imperative.
It is wonderful to see the manner in which the Jewish community is responding to the vital need for employment. However an important first step in this process might be to disabuse some notions about college degrees and career preparedness present in our midst.
Cross-Currents has up a post from a Mr. Rubin on "Advice for the Job Forlorn" which also is an honest assessment and resource for young men in our communities who are starting out on the employment track.
I think it is really important to disemintate solid advice that flies in the fact of faulty advice I've seen handed out like candy. A recent example of such faulty advice, directed to young frum males, was posted on a frum website (sorry, I can't remember the link). A writer advised young yeshiva students to bolster their resumes by listing their "experience" in leadership and organization as gabbaim, leaders of learning groups, etc. Such job advice is out there and readily available, but such advice flies in the face of advice offered by professionals and accessible in major publications. Employers much prefer an employee who lacks experience to simply be honest about their lack of experience, rather than "bolster" their resume where, upon hiring, the lack of experience is quickly uncovered. Bolstering a resume might serve a short term purpose, but in the end, it can shoot you in the foot when you don't live up to expectation. Unfortunately, one of my clients had such an experience recently.
These experiences, unfortunately, don't always just reflect badly on the employee. They are often projected onto a larger group, such as frum Jews as a whole, bochurim, or the newly religious. I found this out when I went on a job interview around a year ago. While the questions the owner of the firm asked me might have violated employment laws (the questions didn't bother me. . . I can hold my own in an interview), I could completely understand his reluctance to hire another person in the frum community. Unfortunately, I couldn't take the job because of scheduling issues as I really liked the environment and the opportunity to expand my skills, but it was nice to be able to clear up some misconceptions regarding normative halacha and practice and hopefully pave the way for the next frum person who might come and interview.
Here is the Cross-Currents advice:
As an employee for a large corporation within a mainstream Jewish community, I’ve had the opportunity to respond to many requests for job search assistance from both individuals and Jewish organizations dedicated to this effort. As a result of this experience, I feel compelled to share a few thoughts on what I believe to be a significant concern. Several of the candidates who have approached me have a number of critical issues they need to address before actually applying for a job. They prepare poorly written resumes which reveal very active Jewish lifestyles, ambiguous advanced degrees, and “work experience” which is debatable and irrelevant. I have tried to delicately communicate the following ideas to these candidates:
• A resume is not a recorded history of extra-curricular activities from 9th grade and onward. Each statement has to send a powerful message that is meaningful to the non-Jewish reader and will make he/she want to distinguish your resume from the other thousand on the pile.
• Identifying yourself as an Orthodox Jew (or a member of any other religious or ethnic group, for that matter) is not to your advantage. It is not wise to encourage the reader to believe you are different than the rest of the world and may have special needs. Either make an accomplishment religiously neutral or exclude it.
• Please face the fact that your degree gives you no skills or experience and market yourself accordingly. Whether you like it or not, you are competing with people who have serious skills and experience in addition to the requisite educational backgrounds, so plan accordingly. (I am not looking to condemn our current educational system but it is important to avoid the negligence of misunderstanding your status in the job market). You may have seen or heard a great deal about drunk, overindulgent degenerates without priorities but these will not be the people you are dealing with to earn a living.
These resumes are embarrassing and would demean any professional who thoughtlessly passed them on. Unfortunately, the situation becomes worse as I try to impart these messages. This is because these candidates choose not to listen. Instead they will usually apply to additional jobs and then e-mail me for assistance with getting an Interview. Even if I could bypass the resume stage and deliver them straight to an interview, I would never do so considering the striking shortage of social and emotional intelligence that they have displayed throughout this process. In addition to shortcomings in powerful statements that sell their skills, many of them do not have the social skills to conduct a conversation with me, let alone a non-Jewish employer who will have much less latitude or patience.
To summarize, I have been seeing a significant amount of untrained job seekers who have little to no marketable skills with degrees that clearly did not teach them to discuss their field in a manner that is anything less than embarrassing.
I realize that responders to statements like these have a tendency to rush to ideological bandwagons. Perhaps this clarification will save a bit of time. I attended Kollel for many years, then spent time in chinuch and am therefore familiar with the” landscape”. As I stated earlier I am not using this letter to bury or praise the “system”. Instead my purpose is to point out that there are many people exiting our educational systems who are drastically unprepared to enter the job market. Now more than ever, the Jewish community is being asked to facilitate this transition directly, by brokering opportunities for these job seekers, and indirectly by the urgent calls for funds from the struggling mosdos that these job seekers are a part of. (I am not suggesting that they or their children should be rejected from these mosdos Chas VeShalom, merely pointing out that this job search is ultimately being subsidized.) I have met way too many people whose preparation for the financial responsibilities of marriage and family consists of a series of anecdotes, incidental conversations and some seed money that eventually runs out. They seem to feel that earning a degree with an indistinct title is sufficient preparation for immediate hire. It is highly unfortunate that this fallacy must be pointed out at advanced stages of financial responsibility. Wouldn’t it behoove a student to ask an institution offering a degree about how it will prepare them for the job market? Might a conversation or two with an experienced professional in a desired field shed some light on whether a degree program is a waste of time or a valid first step into the job market? My recent experiences and the world economic situation demand that now more than ever, transition planning which emphasizes professional development, social/emotional intelligence and financial realities are imperative.
It is wonderful to see the manner in which the Jewish community is responding to the vital need for employment. However an important first step in this process might be to disabuse some notions about college degrees and career preparedness present in our midst.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Why Can't We Push Rewind on this New Social Structure?
Hat Tip: VIN
An article at the 5TJT looks at a Shaar Press book on relationships with in-laws. I'm sure there is plenty in there to keep a reader glued.
In the article Rabbi Twerski goes on record saying:
As for in-laws who can't let go (I think I might know a couple!), the best defense to meddling is to provide fewer opportunities for such meddling. Dependency creates too many opportunities.
Weigh in please on the question of why we seem to feel so powerless today?
Hat Tip: VIN
An article at the 5TJT looks at a Shaar Press book on relationships with in-laws. I'm sure there is plenty in there to keep a reader glued.
In the article Rabbi Twerski goes on record saying:
“The problem is that today more than ever, parents are meddling in children’s lives, and they believe that they have a right to do so,” Rabbi Twersky said in our Sunday-morning talk. He added that the prime reason that in-laws or parents get more involved in children’s lives nowadays is that in an inordinate number of situations in our community, children are no longer independent just because they’ve gotten married. He says that today in our social structure no one is really independent, and that fact is a significant contrast to the way things were not so very long ago.I find this talk that we can't change the social structure, much of which is largely self-created rather defeating. Why can't we push the rewind button and instill some expectations that existed not too long ago? There is a mitzvah for a man to leave his parents and cleave to his wife. A wife is to put her husband before her parents in terms of honor. The ketubah, hardly a romantic document, details the obligations of a husband to his wife. Our sages instruct a man to plant a field, build a home, and marry in that order, stating a fool does the opposite. And we recognize the problems created when dependent children, rather than increasingly independent young adults, marry. So why throw up our hands in defeat if it is our best interest to tackle the issue? Granted, today's adolescent period might be more lengthy due to the increasing education required for jobs. But I believe that we can still give our children increasing levels of responsibility and consequence to propel them towards independence for the sale of all involved.
Rabbi Twersky recalled that back not so long ago, when you turned 18 you went to work and were on your own—that is if your parents were not depending on your efforts to help keep the family unit afloat, which today is an unthinkable option. In discussing whether the situation of such profound dependence of married children on their parents is healthy or not, Rabbi Twersky said, “We can’t change the reality of our social structure. It is what it is and we need to deal with it as such.”
As for in-laws who can't let go (I think I might know a couple!), the best defense to meddling is to provide fewer opportunities for such meddling. Dependency creates too many opportunities.
Weigh in please on the question of why we seem to feel so powerless today?
Important Article on Insider Theft in Small Non-Profits
Thank you fellow blogger SR
Article title: Insider theft a big problem for small charities
Recession, lack of safeguards heighten risk for little nonprofits
Read the article at MSNBC and discuss any interesting points here. If you are involved with an organization that you believe has weak internal controls, go ahead and send them this article.
Thank you fellow blogger SR
Article title: Insider theft a big problem for small charities
Recession, lack of safeguards heighten risk for little nonprofits
Read the article at MSNBC and discuss any interesting points here. If you are involved with an organization that you believe has weak internal controls, go ahead and send them this article.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Internal Controls: I've Always Wondered About the Wisdom of This Practice. . . .
Many of the tzedakah collections for the poor in Eretz Yisrael and America come with a list of endorsements from many well known Rabbinic figures. The tzedakah organization also asks you to send you donation to the home address of one of those Rabbis. You can send your Rabbi S of Lakewood or Rabbi B of Brooklyn. Or you can send it to Rabbi E or Rabbi S in Eretz Yisrael.
Since these are not the organizations I tend to donate too, I haven't paid much attention to this practice, but always thought it odd that known Rabbis with very busy schedules are being asked to actually handle funds, and presumably some accounting. Additionally, friends of mine who donate to such causes complain that their checks do not get cashed for many months, if at all which leads me to believe that the system is an organizational mess.
Internal controls is an area I'm very familiar with having documented procedures and lead audit teams and follow-up visits to ensure tight internal controls, so allow me to outline some basic proper procedures. The more money an organization deals with, the more internal controls are necessary, especially if workers are dealing with a lot of cash such as in a casino, for example. But these are some sound procedures for small businesses or non-profits.
Many of the tzedakah collections for the poor in Eretz Yisrael and America come with a list of endorsements from many well known Rabbinic figures. The tzedakah organization also asks you to send you donation to the home address of one of those Rabbis. You can send your Rabbi S of Lakewood or Rabbi B of Brooklyn. Or you can send it to Rabbi E or Rabbi S in Eretz Yisrael.
Since these are not the organizations I tend to donate too, I haven't paid much attention to this practice, but always thought it odd that known Rabbis with very busy schedules are being asked to actually handle funds, and presumably some accounting. Additionally, friends of mine who donate to such causes complain that their checks do not get cashed for many months, if at all which leads me to believe that the system is an organizational mess.
Internal controls is an area I'm very familiar with having documented procedures and lead audit teams and follow-up visits to ensure tight internal controls, so allow me to outline some basic proper procedures. The more money an organization deals with, the more internal controls are necessary, especially if workers are dealing with a lot of cash such as in a casino, for example. But these are some sound procedures for small businesses or non-profits.
- Checks are received and opened in a central location.
- As soon as envelopes with checks are opened, they are 1. stamped with a 'for deposit only' endorsement, 2. copied, and 3. entered onto a check log which gives name of donor, designation/breakdown of funds (e.g. dues, Rabbi's discretionary, kiddush).
- All cash and checks should then be put into a locked cabinet or safe and the check log can be passed onto the book keeper. The heavier, more unwieldy the secured storage, the better. Whenever an employee/volunteer leaves the office, the checks and cash should be secured no matter how short the break. (Of course, the number of keys out there and available should be very limited).
- At the end of the day or anytime a certain amount of funds are on hand, money should be taken to the bank for deposit. A copy of the bank deposit slip should be copied and retained with the copies of checks. The computer record should be numbered, as should the paper record.
- These records should be placed into a locked file cabinet, as should any records with sensitive information on them. The organization collecting funds needs to protect sensitive donor information.
- Where a daily deposit is not possible, a policy should be in place regarding how much money can be kept on hand at any one time.
- The person who performs the bank reconciliation should not have access to cash, only the copies of deposits and checks if necessary. Preferably, the book keeper should use the cash log to enter receipts, but in small business and small non-profits there simply aren't enough people for ideal separation of controls. If money for deposits are being passed onto the book keeper with a cash log, a copy of the cash log should be made before passing on the funds.
The Five Towns Jewish Times is running a horrifying story of theft of tzedakah funds being housed in the home of Rabbi Aaron Leib Shteinman. The theft is reported to have taken place on a Thursday night when the Rabbi stepped out for a meeting. The amount stolen is HUGE: $50,000 in cash and much, much more in checks. Worse yet, the police believe it is an inside job by someone who had a key and knew the Rabbi's schedule. It isn't hard to know the schedules of many of the Rabbis entrusted to receive funds since shiurim, smachot, and other communal gatherings are basically public record.
I would add another worse yet: there are probably thousands of names and bank account numbers now floating around, to say nothing of checks that could be compromised. Donors should get advice from their bank on what to do if they have checks received by the Rabbi.
The article adds that from a halachic standpoint the Rabbi is not liable to repay the $100,000 plus stolen. But I hope that this issue won't end at a halachic pronouncement. The practice of having this type of money sitting around is simply bad practice, regardless of the liability under halacha. With an exception of a reasonable amount of cash given to the Rabbi to distribute, I don't think it great practice to burden Rabbonim with the ins and outs of legalities, accounting, and internal controls. I hope this story won't end here, but will spark a discussion of the wisdom of current practices.
Updated: The YWN report states "There is already an audible criticism from askanim, who wish to understand the wisdom of the decision to leave the Rosh Yeshiva’s home vacant with the realization that there was so much money inside. As per Matzav, "Various askanim have expressed criticism of those responsible for Rav Shteinman’s home for not properly guarding the home of the gadol, especially when he is not home."
The criticism shouldn't be that the home was left vacant, although that was a problem. The criticism should be regarding the severe lack of internal controls over cash *and* checks. The organization(s) that the Rabbi collects funds for should be ensuring that internal controls are strong. Money designated for a tzedakah fund really should not be sent to directly to a personal address. It should land either at the organization's headquarters, a locked PO box, or a locked mailbox. I have no doubt in my mind that most Rabbonim who collect funds are scrupulous in their dealings, but honesty doesn't translate into capacity or know-how. Know-how is teachable. But capacity is a different matter. A Rabbi who must attend to students, communal functions, and emergencies, likely doesn't have the capacity to deal with the ins and outs of proper procedure.
Furthermore, even if the Rabbi's gabbaim had stood guard (and were of impeccable character), a home is a completely inappropriate place to be storing this type of cash. Businesses transport less cash and checks in armed cars to banks that are armed with all sorts of security devices.
From the YWN article "On erev shabbos the Rosh Yeshiva was compelled to deliver the harsh news to those who came as they do monthly, expecting to receive monetary assistance, but compelled to leave empty-handed."
I don't know what the weekly distributions amount to, but if they amount to massive sums of money, there needs to be consideration on this side of the puzzle too. I think it always better to distribute checks rather than cash. However, perhaps there are banking considerations in Israel that I'm not familiar with. Either way, if distributes take place on a non-business day, as above, the money needs to stay secure from the time it leaves the bank until it is distributed. Cash is risky.
On both YWN and Matzav there are comments to the effect that people should be sending money to make up for this loss. These comments are simply out of touch. Where did the money come from? Donors. I keep my tzedakah funds mostly inside of my own community, but I can tell you that if massive amounts of money where stolen from a foundation or tzedakah organization because they were unsecured, I wouldn't be writing a check until I was pretty certain that this would not happen again. But I guess others have a different view of tzedakah, one that they should part with, rather than entrust/invest their funds.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Staples: Another Rewards Program I Like
I usually only pay attention to the Staples Advertisements during the summer when the store offers full rebates on school supplies, but recently I noted that Staples was offering some full rebates and rewards on products I will inevitably end up using.
Staples has two types of programs, both which work well for me.
The first is the best: the Easy Rebate. You purchase the product at the store and the rebate slip prints right out of the register. This is a nice feature because if the rebate slip doesn't print out, you know you picked up the wrong type of paper or what have you and make the exchange right there in the store.
You can either mail it in, or submit in online. I submit everything online to save on postage (plus, I'm low on postage since a certain kid mistook my stamps for her stickers, oops). It only takes me a few minutes and using my Easy Rebates online account to enter the item and rebate receipt code into the system and I can track the status of my rebate.
Because I buy most of my supplies for my own business, I like to enter an invoice for the rebate into my own accounting software so the rebate will deduct from my business expense account upon receiving the rebate. Come tax time, I know my records are accurate.
The other type of program is Staples Rewards. Using this program, the price of the item you buy is put onto your rewards account and a certificate for the amount arrives in your mailbox. You have to be a Staples Rewards member, which is a club card available to anyone who shops there. The certificate works exactly like a coupon. If you have $30 of Staples Rewards bucks and you make a $50 purchase, your out of pocket cost is $20.
Of course, if you want to receive your rewards, you need to make sure to show your card to the cashier or give him/her your telephone number which is linked to the account. This type of program is only appealing to me because I use enough printer ink for my business that I have no fear that the dollars will go unused. And, as a rewards member, I receive good coupons from Staples, making the price of ink palatable.
The only hitch I run into is that sometimes I buy an item on my account which is not for my business (Staples offered backpacks this summer on the rewards program which was a nice bonus for back to school). Later, when I receive the rewards, I turn around and purchase something for my business. This gets a little dicey, but I try to keep good records.
I've picked up a lot of great supplies for the cost of sales tax and a few dollars recently after rebates and rewards. If you have a home based businesses, it is definitely worth watching the Staples circular year round.
I usually only pay attention to the Staples Advertisements during the summer when the store offers full rebates on school supplies, but recently I noted that Staples was offering some full rebates and rewards on products I will inevitably end up using.
Staples has two types of programs, both which work well for me.
The first is the best: the Easy Rebate. You purchase the product at the store and the rebate slip prints right out of the register. This is a nice feature because if the rebate slip doesn't print out, you know you picked up the wrong type of paper or what have you and make the exchange right there in the store.
You can either mail it in, or submit in online. I submit everything online to save on postage (plus, I'm low on postage since a certain kid mistook my stamps for her stickers, oops). It only takes me a few minutes and using my Easy Rebates online account to enter the item and rebate receipt code into the system and I can track the status of my rebate.
Because I buy most of my supplies for my own business, I like to enter an invoice for the rebate into my own accounting software so the rebate will deduct from my business expense account upon receiving the rebate. Come tax time, I know my records are accurate.
The other type of program is Staples Rewards. Using this program, the price of the item you buy is put onto your rewards account and a certificate for the amount arrives in your mailbox. You have to be a Staples Rewards member, which is a club card available to anyone who shops there. The certificate works exactly like a coupon. If you have $30 of Staples Rewards bucks and you make a $50 purchase, your out of pocket cost is $20.
Of course, if you want to receive your rewards, you need to make sure to show your card to the cashier or give him/her your telephone number which is linked to the account. This type of program is only appealing to me because I use enough printer ink for my business that I have no fear that the dollars will go unused. And, as a rewards member, I receive good coupons from Staples, making the price of ink palatable.
The only hitch I run into is that sometimes I buy an item on my account which is not for my business (Staples offered backpacks this summer on the rewards program which was a nice bonus for back to school). Later, when I receive the rewards, I turn around and purchase something for my business. This gets a little dicey, but I try to keep good records.
I've picked up a lot of great supplies for the cost of sales tax and a few dollars recently after rebates and rewards. If you have a home based businesses, it is definitely worth watching the Staples circular year round.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Budget Advice: The House is the Problem
There is a mother asking for budget advice and is receiving advice that will not serve her well. Here is the scenario: the husband took a huge budget cut (in after tax dollars, that salary cut would pay my entire minimum mortgage payment and taxes). They committed to a huge mortgage based on past earnings. They have worked on their budget and have made cuts. They both work. After the cuts, they have a $200 monthly shortfall and she is wondering what to do about the $500 tuition which will be more than double in the following year. She is wondering what type of discount to ask for.
Those participating in the thread so far are concentrating on the tuition. But the tuition isn't the real problem. The house is the problem! Even if they were to sent to public school, their monthly surplus would only be $300 a month, or $3,600 a year. Some dental work, car trouble, and an increase in property tax could easily put them right back into the hole.
We all have attachments and the biggest attachment is probably an attachment to our homes, but sometimes you have to let go of the big ticket items like the home or a pricey car lease. Without details, I have no idea if this family can sell their home (so many people over leveraged themselves and are married to a home which crowds out other needs), but sometimes you have to part with the expense that is causing the most problem.
Effective budgeting includes being able to pinpoint the problem. If the problem won't be eliminated by cutting out other big ticket items, as appears to be the case here, you have to concentrate on the real cause of the problem no matter how uncomfortable.
Also see previous related post where tuition clearly wasn't the issue.
There is a mother asking for budget advice and is receiving advice that will not serve her well. Here is the scenario: the husband took a huge budget cut (in after tax dollars, that salary cut would pay my entire minimum mortgage payment and taxes). They committed to a huge mortgage based on past earnings. They have worked on their budget and have made cuts. They both work. After the cuts, they have a $200 monthly shortfall and she is wondering what to do about the $500 tuition which will be more than double in the following year. She is wondering what type of discount to ask for.
Those participating in the thread so far are concentrating on the tuition. But the tuition isn't the real problem. The house is the problem! Even if they were to sent to public school, their monthly surplus would only be $300 a month, or $3,600 a year. Some dental work, car trouble, and an increase in property tax could easily put them right back into the hole.
We all have attachments and the biggest attachment is probably an attachment to our homes, but sometimes you have to let go of the big ticket items like the home or a pricey car lease. Without details, I have no idea if this family can sell their home (so many people over leveraged themselves and are married to a home which crowds out other needs), but sometimes you have to part with the expense that is causing the most problem.
Effective budgeting includes being able to pinpoint the problem. If the problem won't be eliminated by cutting out other big ticket items, as appears to be the case here, you have to concentrate on the real cause of the problem no matter how uncomfortable.
Also see previous related post where tuition clearly wasn't the issue.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
A Reply To a Honestly Frum
From Honestly Frum [orange]:
SL, from what I am gathering from reading you and Al and others is you believe that there is no solution to the day school tuition issue and we should simply adapt and send our kids to public school where necessary. I cannot buy nor stomach this answer. I think that there are solutions out there and we must do everything we can to insure our kids have a frum education.
I will once again clarify something: I have NOT recommended sending our kids en masse to public school. My posts on alternative schooling, with the exception of a guest post on virtual public schooling, the posts I have featured on alternatives have not touched on public schooling.
I have featured posts on homeschooling, supervised general ed through a charter school within the confines of a Yeshiva, cooperative schooling, and hybrid schooling in the Christian world.
When I started writing, I focused tuition posts primarily on ways that schools could become more efficient. For each year I've been writing, I've seen (high school) tuition increase over $1000 for each year I've been writing. I've tracked articles from all over the country and the trend here is the trend there. I have yet to see schools announce major restructuring or policy change (forming "school districts" to negotiate with vendors and ensure greater efficiency, offering joint classes between neighboring schools, shrinking administration, implementing minimum tuitions, capping lifetime aid, establishing year round/4 day/morning and afternoon schooling, mixed grade schoolhouses, or other efficiencies that have been tried in other schools).
At a certain point, I have come to more clearly recognize many of the market and social forces at work (someone could write a great PhD behavioral economics dissertation on the subject) and don't believe that the schools are going to lead the charge. I've come to realize changes are going to have to come from the grassroots. Parents who are sending a super-sized family to school for the same price that others are paying for one child, aren't going to lead the charge. Board members under the thumb of donors/directors/Rosh have their hands tied. Parents who are getting a better deal than they would receive in a single priced school aren't going to take up this battle. If anyone is going to take up the battle in the present, it will have to be me and you.
I too believe there are solutions, but I don't believe that those with a thousand reasons why suggested proposals will never work are going to be the movers and shakers. Additionally, the average educator (don't take this as a slam at all educators, I'm just stating an observation based on conversations I've had with those in the field) is generally biased against anything unconventional, be it a mixed grade/one room classroom environment to homeschooling. Heck, just keeping your kid out of pre-school at 2 and 3 years old and skipping camp generates plenty of criticism . . . . . . . .. Meanwhile, my biological clock is ticking. I can't hold off having another child while I wait to see solutions develop.
To me my kids education is far more important than putting an extra 15K away for retirement.
Perhaps you don't have parents or in-laws that are simply unable to keep plugging away at the job, but old age happens and watching parents deteriorate physically and mentally is a reminder to me of the importance of saving for the future.
If you can prove to me that my child will have the same level of observance if I send him to a charter school as if I send him to a Yeshiva day school I'll get behind it but until such a time I cannot bring myself to give my children anything less than a Jewish education in a Jewish environment.
Each of the alternatives I've explored would keep the children in a Jewish environment, although I could see supplemental experiences exposing them to a more diverse crowd.
Perhaps Co-Op and low cost school models work but public school should never be a substitution for yeshiva. At the same time that we have an organization like nechomas yisrael taking kids out of public school and putting them into yeshiva we have people in our communities complaining that yeshiva is too much for them so they are sending their kids to public school.
Kiruv is popular but quite pricey. Perhaps a topic for a future post. Of course we want children desiring a Yeshiva education to have that choice, but so many of our own, already committed families, are curtailing their own family size because of the mess we are in.
Are we not all willing to make any sacrifice, financial or otherwise, to insure our kids get a proper yeshiva education?
For years people have prioritized a Yeshiva education. We sent mom into the workplace. Grandparents helped out. Many people (grandparents too) borrowed against the equity in their home. Others went into credit card debt. Many skipped saving and passed the cost of teaching their children a vocation to the next generation. Now we have people in their mid-20's and 30's who are strapped by their own day care and yeshiva bills + their student loans. We have grandparents with larger mortgages on their home than I do. I think things are just coming to a head.
Your kids might turn out just fine from public school, but there is a much higher chance or assimilation in public school.
Absolutely true. This is why we need a grassroots movement to help create viable alternatives. The right-wing Christian community has established homeschooling networks, fully prepared curriculums, and homeschooling conventions taking place in convention centers. There are hybrid schools and low cost schools. If I were a business-minded educator, I'd open a one room school (I need to find the policy paper I found on re-establishing one room schools in large metro areas for educational and cost benefits. Where is that paper?)
Is this a risk you are willing to take? I sure am not and will spend every last penny I have to do what I can to make sure my kids are raised in a proper Jewish environment.
I think this is the difference between the camps. While I don't know if I have what it takes to homeschool and I have some concerns regarding the viability of this for our family, hence my interest in a more cooperative agreement, I believe that our home is a great environment for our children and that the closer that I keep them, the better off they will be. We might not be the biggest talmudei chachamim, but I'm not afraid to take charge of a greater portion of the chinuch our children receive, be that education for a 3 year old or a 3rd grader. Between the two of us, I do believe that we have what it takes to raise Jewish children. Perhaps this is because my parents both took charge of my Jewish education, weak as it may be, and much of my general education because they thought that too many of the (public school) teachers were too lenient when it came to editing papers. My parents decided that if the teachers weren't going to mark up my papers with enough red ink, that they would take over where the teachers left off. My father supplemented my education by assigning me reading. So, I guess I have a mesorah for taking charge.
And I don't think I need to spend every last penny to raise our kids in a proper Jewish environment. I'm very confident that there will be other parents who are going to be looking for alternatives and that we won't have to go down the path alone.
From Honestly Frum [orange]:
SL, from what I am gathering from reading you and Al and others is you believe that there is no solution to the day school tuition issue and we should simply adapt and send our kids to public school where necessary. I cannot buy nor stomach this answer. I think that there are solutions out there and we must do everything we can to insure our kids have a frum education.
I will once again clarify something: I have NOT recommended sending our kids en masse to public school. My posts on alternative schooling, with the exception of a guest post on virtual public schooling, the posts I have featured on alternatives have not touched on public schooling.
I have featured posts on homeschooling, supervised general ed through a charter school within the confines of a Yeshiva, cooperative schooling, and hybrid schooling in the Christian world.
When I started writing, I focused tuition posts primarily on ways that schools could become more efficient. For each year I've been writing, I've seen (high school) tuition increase over $1000 for each year I've been writing. I've tracked articles from all over the country and the trend here is the trend there. I have yet to see schools announce major restructuring or policy change (forming "school districts" to negotiate with vendors and ensure greater efficiency, offering joint classes between neighboring schools, shrinking administration, implementing minimum tuitions, capping lifetime aid, establishing year round/4 day/morning and afternoon schooling, mixed grade schoolhouses, or other efficiencies that have been tried in other schools).
At a certain point, I have come to more clearly recognize many of the market and social forces at work (someone could write a great PhD behavioral economics dissertation on the subject) and don't believe that the schools are going to lead the charge. I've come to realize changes are going to have to come from the grassroots. Parents who are sending a super-sized family to school for the same price that others are paying for one child, aren't going to lead the charge. Board members under the thumb of donors/directors/Rosh have their hands tied. Parents who are getting a better deal than they would receive in a single priced school aren't going to take up this battle. If anyone is going to take up the battle in the present, it will have to be me and you.
I too believe there are solutions, but I don't believe that those with a thousand reasons why suggested proposals will never work are going to be the movers and shakers. Additionally, the average educator (don't take this as a slam at all educators, I'm just stating an observation based on conversations I've had with those in the field) is generally biased against anything unconventional, be it a mixed grade/one room classroom environment to homeschooling. Heck, just keeping your kid out of pre-school at 2 and 3 years old and skipping camp generates plenty of criticism . . . . . . . .. Meanwhile, my biological clock is ticking. I can't hold off having another child while I wait to see solutions develop.
To me my kids education is far more important than putting an extra 15K away for retirement.
Perhaps you don't have parents or in-laws that are simply unable to keep plugging away at the job, but old age happens and watching parents deteriorate physically and mentally is a reminder to me of the importance of saving for the future.
If you can prove to me that my child will have the same level of observance if I send him to a charter school as if I send him to a Yeshiva day school I'll get behind it but until such a time I cannot bring myself to give my children anything less than a Jewish education in a Jewish environment.
Each of the alternatives I've explored would keep the children in a Jewish environment, although I could see supplemental experiences exposing them to a more diverse crowd.
Perhaps Co-Op and low cost school models work but public school should never be a substitution for yeshiva. At the same time that we have an organization like nechomas yisrael taking kids out of public school and putting them into yeshiva we have people in our communities complaining that yeshiva is too much for them so they are sending their kids to public school.
Kiruv is popular but quite pricey. Perhaps a topic for a future post. Of course we want children desiring a Yeshiva education to have that choice, but so many of our own, already committed families, are curtailing their own family size because of the mess we are in.
Are we not all willing to make any sacrifice, financial or otherwise, to insure our kids get a proper yeshiva education?
For years people have prioritized a Yeshiva education. We sent mom into the workplace. Grandparents helped out. Many people (grandparents too) borrowed against the equity in their home. Others went into credit card debt. Many skipped saving and passed the cost of teaching their children a vocation to the next generation. Now we have people in their mid-20's and 30's who are strapped by their own day care and yeshiva bills + their student loans. We have grandparents with larger mortgages on their home than I do. I think things are just coming to a head.
Your kids might turn out just fine from public school, but there is a much higher chance or assimilation in public school.
Absolutely true. This is why we need a grassroots movement to help create viable alternatives. The right-wing Christian community has established homeschooling networks, fully prepared curriculums, and homeschooling conventions taking place in convention centers. There are hybrid schools and low cost schools. If I were a business-minded educator, I'd open a one room school (I need to find the policy paper I found on re-establishing one room schools in large metro areas for educational and cost benefits. Where is that paper?)
Is this a risk you are willing to take? I sure am not and will spend every last penny I have to do what I can to make sure my kids are raised in a proper Jewish environment.
I think this is the difference between the camps. While I don't know if I have what it takes to homeschool and I have some concerns regarding the viability of this for our family, hence my interest in a more cooperative agreement, I believe that our home is a great environment for our children and that the closer that I keep them, the better off they will be. We might not be the biggest talmudei chachamim, but I'm not afraid to take charge of a greater portion of the chinuch our children receive, be that education for a 3 year old or a 3rd grader. Between the two of us, I do believe that we have what it takes to raise Jewish children. Perhaps this is because my parents both took charge of my Jewish education, weak as it may be, and much of my general education because they thought that too many of the (public school) teachers were too lenient when it came to editing papers. My parents decided that if the teachers weren't going to mark up my papers with enough red ink, that they would take over where the teachers left off. My father supplemented my education by assigning me reading. So, I guess I have a mesorah for taking charge.
And I don't think I need to spend every last penny to raise our kids in a proper Jewish environment. I'm very confident that there will be other parents who are going to be looking for alternatives and that we won't have to go down the path alone.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Some Personal Thoughts on Tuition, Family, and More
I have been blown away by the number of comments that my post "Private School or Bust" engendered. The subject of the post was about the decision to grow the family to a bit beyond replacement level vs. tuition. Most comments that came in were from Bergen County residents who are definitely feeling stretched to their limits and I think the subject veered a bit off topic. I'm going to attempt to share some personal thoughts on the subject of growing a small family just a tab bit, although I realize that I am going to open myself up to plenty of criticism.
Honestly Frum has picked up where the discussion on my blog left off and I've just been sitting back and watching the show. The anger is present and I have no idea how that anger will be translated (or not), but I do hope that it is translated into productive solutions because the feelings are quite destructive in my opinion. For some ideas that have already been declared "impossible", please check out the post on the Flordia co-op school which will be expanding to serve lower elementary school students, the Los Angeles alternative Yeshiva program, Hybrid Schools, and homeschooling. These ideas might not be at all possible for everyone. But individual decisions are where those who want to relieve themselves of a massive burden need to start. I see no signs of major change coming this way for the year 2010/11. I have heard through the grapevine that the schools where I am are planning to raise tuition. If this is true, and I imagine it is because the funding structure ingrained and is what it is, then parents can either write a check or explore other options. If most parents re-register their children in the coming months, the schools will lack the incentive to be the innovators.
So long as it is a nearly foregone conclusion in my mind that I am going to have to seek alternatives to day school education, I don't see it wise to worship at that altar, basing nearly all of our decisions around something that is likely unobtainable in the long term. While some families might be willing to forgo bringing child #2, 3, or 4 into this world because of Yeshiva tuition, I am not going to choose that path. I will never have a super-sized family for a myriad of reasons, but I believe that halacha does not leave family planning decisions completely at our discretion. And, quite frankly, I love being a mother, it is the most fulfilling job I have ever had, it makes us better people, it gives us great purpose, and it enhances our marriage and our spiritual life. If I were to perform a risk analysis, I think I'd rather have that next child and figure out how to best give our kids a Jewish education outside of the system, then to curtail growing our family only to find out that, in the end, day school/yeshiva is still out of reach and we sacrificed our family for something we couldn't have anyway.
Some will say that young families should do everything possible to achieve a day school education. Some will say that they should exhaust their savings and then go into debt. Let's face it, most young people already are maxxed out, so schools are simply going to have to deal with this factor as it hits them harder than ever. This generation is carrying a lot of debt (much in the form of student loan debt) and are paying twice for tuition. I have no intention of draining savings or taking on debt. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. I refuse to live beyond our means. It sets a terrible precedent (if this precedent wasn't set, perhaps we wouldn't even be having tuition discussions today). Compounding interest either works for or against you. Exhausting savings is the quick way to disaster. Going into debt is a bad idea for anyone in the management or financial fields. Living on the edge, quite frankly, endangers integrity.
Others will say that young people should turn to their parents for money. Asking our parents for money isn't an option, even if they surprise us by forking over their checkbooks. It isn't just a matter of being "too proud." Quite frankly, I'm not sure that they have enough for their needs. We need to be prepared for this possibility, not spend all of our money and then some of theirs. If, after 120, we find there is something left over, that is great.
Others will say to ask for a scholarship. While I do believe the scholarship committees do take great precaution with sensitive information, I think it a bad practice to put financial data out there. I am not the bargaining type. I'm not the threatening type. If the price on the free market is reasonable for our family, we will pay up. We have done our hishtadlut to get ahead and if the price is still out of reach, I don't see myself throwing a "tea party" in the school parking lot.
We happily forgo the cell phone, eat rice and beans, shop in a very cost effective way, shop in thrift stores, drive paid for used cars, and don't take vacations for which we can't bunk up at a relative's home. We had a reasonably priced wedding (could have been lower), haven't taken on student debt, and don't send our kids to camp. I work at strange hours and don't pay for daycare or camp. I've organized co-operatives for babysitting, etc. If these "sacrifices" don't pay for day school, then so be it. If day school was priced like the many Christian and Catholic schools available, we would figure it out. But it isn't.
There is always plenty of room to criticize. Some might say that if I hadn't left my job to freelance from home so I could raise my children, I could be a manager and with tens of thousands left over to pay for tuition. Some might say that if my husband would take an even higher paying job (more hours, more risk) that paying for day school for a small family wouldn't be a problem. Some might say that if we stayed in a 2-bedroom apartment that we would be able to meet these massive tuition hikes. Some might say that if we picked up and moved to a less expensive area that we would be perfectly fine. But the job is here and I tend to deal with what is, rather than what if.
And perhaps they are right! But I'm not going to make apologies for the decisions we have made, nor am I going to apologize if Hashem blesses us with one more child. We made our decisions based on what we believe is best for our family and for our children. We have lived frugally. We are paying full tuition for the time being. And we have given tzedakah (in the past) to the schools in our area. If steady, well paying jobs, living below our means, and a frugal lifestyle doesn't leave many tens of thousands of dollars left over for day school tuition, then I believe we will simply seek alternatives.
I don't see any good purpose is making day school the be all and end all of our existence. I don't want to become a bitter person, mad at those who have made less than "optimal" decisions. I don't want to harbor anger at the very people I charge to educate my children. I'm willing to continue to seek more opportunities to increase the cash available for tuition, but I'm not willing to take a risk to family life for the sake of tuition that we might never be able to pay anyways in 5-10 years, another child or not.
Yes, I prefer to go quietly in the night. There are plenty of things that could be explored and I believe I will play a roll in exploring some of those possibilities. But, what I see from "establishment" is a 10 foot list of reasons why everything is impossible and I know that any alternatives will have to come from the grassroots (who will likely eat the blame in the end anyways).
Fire away! (Wow, the post sounds a bit more bitter than I would like it too. That wasn't intentional because as I make peace with the situation we will face, I am releasing a lot of animosity I might have had pent up inside).
I have been blown away by the number of comments that my post "Private School or Bust" engendered. The subject of the post was about the decision to grow the family to a bit beyond replacement level vs. tuition. Most comments that came in were from Bergen County residents who are definitely feeling stretched to their limits and I think the subject veered a bit off topic. I'm going to attempt to share some personal thoughts on the subject of growing a small family just a tab bit, although I realize that I am going to open myself up to plenty of criticism.
Honestly Frum has picked up where the discussion on my blog left off and I've just been sitting back and watching the show. The anger is present and I have no idea how that anger will be translated (or not), but I do hope that it is translated into productive solutions because the feelings are quite destructive in my opinion. For some ideas that have already been declared "impossible", please check out the post on the Flordia co-op school which will be expanding to serve lower elementary school students, the Los Angeles alternative Yeshiva program, Hybrid Schools, and homeschooling. These ideas might not be at all possible for everyone. But individual decisions are where those who want to relieve themselves of a massive burden need to start. I see no signs of major change coming this way for the year 2010/11. I have heard through the grapevine that the schools where I am are planning to raise tuition. If this is true, and I imagine it is because the funding structure ingrained and is what it is, then parents can either write a check or explore other options. If most parents re-register their children in the coming months, the schools will lack the incentive to be the innovators.
Back to my subject. . . .
Reading the comments has been revealing and has helped me clarify some of my own thoughts vis a vis my relationship to private schooling. While having the option of sending our already small family to day school is an option that I wish were sustainable over the long haul, I don't believe it is sustainable in the long term. In the short term, I have every intention of making it happen because we are quite pleased with our school, but I have been tracking tuitions in the main games in town and tuition has consistently increased been increased between 5 and 7% every year. Every year I say that there is no way that tuition will increase at the established average, and every year I am sadly proven wrong. Tuition is increased, and my estimate is within a hundred dollars give of take. I have no doubt that in the next 5 years, elementary tuition will be hovering around $20K and that high school tuition will near the $30K mark. Unless the current funding structure is completely overturned and other major changes implemented, I don't see a way to turn back the clock.So long as it is a nearly foregone conclusion in my mind that I am going to have to seek alternatives to day school education, I don't see it wise to worship at that altar, basing nearly all of our decisions around something that is likely unobtainable in the long term. While some families might be willing to forgo bringing child #2, 3, or 4 into this world because of Yeshiva tuition, I am not going to choose that path. I will never have a super-sized family for a myriad of reasons, but I believe that halacha does not leave family planning decisions completely at our discretion. And, quite frankly, I love being a mother, it is the most fulfilling job I have ever had, it makes us better people, it gives us great purpose, and it enhances our marriage and our spiritual life. If I were to perform a risk analysis, I think I'd rather have that next child and figure out how to best give our kids a Jewish education outside of the system, then to curtail growing our family only to find out that, in the end, day school/yeshiva is still out of reach and we sacrificed our family for something we couldn't have anyway.
Some will say that young families should do everything possible to achieve a day school education. Some will say that they should exhaust their savings and then go into debt. Let's face it, most young people already are maxxed out, so schools are simply going to have to deal with this factor as it hits them harder than ever. This generation is carrying a lot of debt (much in the form of student loan debt) and are paying twice for tuition. I have no intention of draining savings or taking on debt. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. I refuse to live beyond our means. It sets a terrible precedent (if this precedent wasn't set, perhaps we wouldn't even be having tuition discussions today). Compounding interest either works for or against you. Exhausting savings is the quick way to disaster. Going into debt is a bad idea for anyone in the management or financial fields. Living on the edge, quite frankly, endangers integrity.
Others will say that young people should turn to their parents for money. Asking our parents for money isn't an option, even if they surprise us by forking over their checkbooks. It isn't just a matter of being "too proud." Quite frankly, I'm not sure that they have enough for their needs. We need to be prepared for this possibility, not spend all of our money and then some of theirs. If, after 120, we find there is something left over, that is great.
Others will say to ask for a scholarship. While I do believe the scholarship committees do take great precaution with sensitive information, I think it a bad practice to put financial data out there. I am not the bargaining type. I'm not the threatening type. If the price on the free market is reasonable for our family, we will pay up. We have done our hishtadlut to get ahead and if the price is still out of reach, I don't see myself throwing a "tea party" in the school parking lot.
We happily forgo the cell phone, eat rice and beans, shop in a very cost effective way, shop in thrift stores, drive paid for used cars, and don't take vacations for which we can't bunk up at a relative's home. We had a reasonably priced wedding (could have been lower), haven't taken on student debt, and don't send our kids to camp. I work at strange hours and don't pay for daycare or camp. I've organized co-operatives for babysitting, etc. If these "sacrifices" don't pay for day school, then so be it. If day school was priced like the many Christian and Catholic schools available, we would figure it out. But it isn't.
There is always plenty of room to criticize. Some might say that if I hadn't left my job to freelance from home so I could raise my children, I could be a manager and with tens of thousands left over to pay for tuition. Some might say that if my husband would take an even higher paying job (more hours, more risk) that paying for day school for a small family wouldn't be a problem. Some might say that if we stayed in a 2-bedroom apartment that we would be able to meet these massive tuition hikes. Some might say that if we picked up and moved to a less expensive area that we would be perfectly fine. But the job is here and I tend to deal with what is, rather than what if.
And perhaps they are right! But I'm not going to make apologies for the decisions we have made, nor am I going to apologize if Hashem blesses us with one more child. We made our decisions based on what we believe is best for our family and for our children. We have lived frugally. We are paying full tuition for the time being. And we have given tzedakah (in the past) to the schools in our area. If steady, well paying jobs, living below our means, and a frugal lifestyle doesn't leave many tens of thousands of dollars left over for day school tuition, then I believe we will simply seek alternatives.
I don't see any good purpose is making day school the be all and end all of our existence. I don't want to become a bitter person, mad at those who have made less than "optimal" decisions. I don't want to harbor anger at the very people I charge to educate my children. I'm willing to continue to seek more opportunities to increase the cash available for tuition, but I'm not willing to take a risk to family life for the sake of tuition that we might never be able to pay anyways in 5-10 years, another child or not.
Yes, I prefer to go quietly in the night. There are plenty of things that could be explored and I believe I will play a roll in exploring some of those possibilities. But, what I see from "establishment" is a 10 foot list of reasons why everything is impossible and I know that any alternatives will have to come from the grassroots (who will likely eat the blame in the end anyways).
Fire away! (Wow, the post sounds a bit more bitter than I would like it too. That wasn't intentional because as I make peace with the situation we will face, I am releasing a lot of animosity I might have had pent up inside).
What Organizations Assist in Getting People on Their Own Two Feet?
A reader asks: "What tzedaka's would you recommend for people who want to help receipients become independent?"
I am aware of Paanomin, as is my reader, and Mesila. If readers are familiar with other organizations that look for long term fixes, both here and in the US of A, please share.
Thanks.
A reader asks: "What tzedaka's would you recommend for people who want to help receipients become independent?"
I am aware of Paanomin, as is my reader, and Mesila. If readers are familiar with other organizations that look for long term fixes, both here and in the US of A, please share.
Thanks.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
I'm Shaking Inside
There is a story that went up on VIN Motzei Shabbat regarding religious women, including Chareidi women, seeking abortions. I do not believe that this is a publicity stunt by the chairman of Efrat, although some commentors are insinuating such. Of the many organizations we receive solicitations from, EFRAT(and organization that helps prevent abortion in Israel by providing counseling and financial support) has shown itself to be quite professional. I have never seen the organization engage in the sensationalism that is all to prevenlant in so many solititations.
If it is true that religious women are seeking abortions because they don't believe that can feed another mouth, I believe that we all have blood on our hands. Commentors might be criticizing the modern day women for a lack of bitachon and emunah, and perhaps in light of parshat Shemot, which we just completed the modern day women pales in comparison. But, YWN had a tzedakah solicitation up just this last week reporting cases of children "coming to hospitals with distended stomachs from undernourishment, by which time the damage is already done."
Poverty is severe in many communities and it is time to start reversing the damage that a welfare society is inflicting on our brothers and sisters. Grand dependency on the Israeli taxpayer and the America and overseas giver is creating a disaster. Pirkei Avot is coming to life. Where there is no flour, there is no Torah. Not only are we witnessing a weakening of a Torah society, we have families seeking abortions. Even if there is a heter, using abortion as birth control is coarsening for a society.
Those who preach, Rabbinic and layman alike, the "fire and brimstone" version that family planning/pregnancy prevention is assur/shameful/selfish and/or is never permitted financial reasons should think twice. Ideas have consequences. There are heterim for pregnancy prevention. It is an incredibly nuanced area of halacha and take it from me, a female, that there are a number of women out there that are under the assumption that pregnancy prevention is essentially assur. They do not ask questions, and many worry about finding out they are pregnant feeling that they are not ready to handle another child. There are Rabbis that many women just assume would never allow pregnancy prevention, and their assumption couldn't be further from the truth. And this is in America, in a mixed community. Imagine what assumptions, true and false, reign supreme in enclaves such as Bnei Brak!
I find this report incredible disturbing. It leaves me shaking inside. I think there is a limited time frame to reverse the damage, but it is still easier to blame the dysfunction on outside society.
There is a story that went up on VIN Motzei Shabbat regarding religious women, including Chareidi women, seeking abortions. I do not believe that this is a publicity stunt by the chairman of Efrat, although some commentors are insinuating such. Of the many organizations we receive solicitations from, EFRAT(and organization that helps prevent abortion in Israel by providing counseling and financial support) has shown itself to be quite professional. I have never seen the organization engage in the sensationalism that is all to prevenlant in so many solititations.
If it is true that religious women are seeking abortions because they don't believe that can feed another mouth, I believe that we all have blood on our hands. Commentors might be criticizing the modern day women for a lack of bitachon and emunah, and perhaps in light of parshat Shemot, which we just completed the modern day women pales in comparison. But, YWN had a tzedakah solicitation up just this last week reporting cases of children "coming to hospitals with distended stomachs from undernourishment, by which time the damage is already done."
Poverty is severe in many communities and it is time to start reversing the damage that a welfare society is inflicting on our brothers and sisters. Grand dependency on the Israeli taxpayer and the America and overseas giver is creating a disaster. Pirkei Avot is coming to life. Where there is no flour, there is no Torah. Not only are we witnessing a weakening of a Torah society, we have families seeking abortions. Even if there is a heter, using abortion as birth control is coarsening for a society.
Those who preach, Rabbinic and layman alike, the "fire and brimstone" version that family planning/pregnancy prevention is assur/shameful/selfish and/or is never permitted financial reasons should think twice. Ideas have consequences. There are heterim for pregnancy prevention. It is an incredibly nuanced area of halacha and take it from me, a female, that there are a number of women out there that are under the assumption that pregnancy prevention is essentially assur. They do not ask questions, and many worry about finding out they are pregnant feeling that they are not ready to handle another child. There are Rabbis that many women just assume would never allow pregnancy prevention, and their assumption couldn't be further from the truth. And this is in America, in a mixed community. Imagine what assumptions, true and false, reign supreme in enclaves such as Bnei Brak!
I find this report incredible disturbing. It leaves me shaking inside. I think there is a limited time frame to reverse the damage, but it is still easier to blame the dysfunction on outside society.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Have You No Shame? Shoplifting
Yet another installment of Have You No Shame? My previous posts were all about fraud against the government advertised in public. But this one is about ripping off a real person, a small business owner. See Rabbi Fink at Dov Bear regarding sheitel theft.
For years I've heard about people making returns of used items and how many frum clothing retailers will no longer accept returns because women would buy clothing, wear it once, and then bring it back. Now a report about sheitel theft of multi-thousand dollar wigs.
I guess we have moved from ripping off anonymous taxpayers, to petty theft, to full fledged grand larceny. I guess none of the thieves are brazen enough *yet* to mug a women for her wig. Strange world we live in.
Yet another installment of Have You No Shame? My previous posts were all about fraud against the government advertised in public. But this one is about ripping off a real person, a small business owner. See Rabbi Fink at Dov Bear regarding sheitel theft.
For years I've heard about people making returns of used items and how many frum clothing retailers will no longer accept returns because women would buy clothing, wear it once, and then bring it back. Now a report about sheitel theft of multi-thousand dollar wigs.
I guess we have moved from ripping off anonymous taxpayers, to petty theft, to full fledged grand larceny. I guess none of the thieves are brazen enough *yet* to mug a women for her wig. Strange world we live in.
"Financial Impossibility": Stop with the Excuses Already
There is an editorial up by a Matzav columnist and Rabbi declaring frum living a "financial impossibility." I have dedicated a lot of space on this blog to trying to empower people in Orthodox community to take the bull by the horns and create financially viability for their family. I find it frustrating when the message that comes from all sides is that being frum = poor. I imagine that many of us have family members from the "old country" who weren't particularly fond of being poor and blamed it on religion. I find it highly irresponsible for people in positions of influence to put out a message that we are doomed by virtue of adherence to Torah, when in fact we are largely doomed by our own dysfunction and foolishness.
Part of that dysfunction is that we spend money like poor people. We have no clue how to prioritise, not at the communal level and often not at the individual level. The author of the editorial lumps simcha/wedding expenses and parental support together with food, clothing, and shelter. That is telling and it is exactly where the problem lies. He prefaces this list of expenses with the disclaimer that "most of these expenses cannot be considered luxuries by any stretch of the imagination." Pretending that this, that, and the other thing are necessities is exactly why far too many families in frum community are way in over their heads! We are spending like fools on an individual and a communal level and instead of taking an honest look at our spending habits, we declare most of it "necessary."
I have a brochure from a known tzedakah sitting on right here (I plan to scan it soon) which places Hachnosas Kallah on page one. The donations being sought for the kallah's package include (this isn't a complete list, just what I'm reprinting):
$3,600 for apparel
$300 for classes
$1,800 for 2 wigs
$900 for bed and bath
$2,800 for bedroom furniture
$840 for 2nd night sheva brochos
$2,500 for the shabbos sheva brochos catering expense and $800 for the hall
$1100 for the melava malkah
Following hachnosos kallah are pages regarding collecting for medical expenses, clothing families, food, and helping people in business. Yes, hachnasat kallah is a mitzvah, but the priorities in spending are beyond foolish. A couple that can't even dream of supporting themselves (the charity is also collecting for 18 months of rent for these couples) is doling out $3,600 for apparel!
The habits I see in the frum community are habits I see in many disadvantaged areas and in 3rd world countries (see this article on Egypt's average wedding cost in comparison to average family income). We have tons of smokers (and drinkers). We have families dripping in "bling" that don't make even $20,000 a year. Here is a clue: if the price of all your jewelry, the price of all of your silver, and the price of your sheitel exceed your yearly household income, it doesn't matter who provided all of these goodies, you have a consumption problem. We have families in section 8 housing who hire cleaning help. We borrow as a way of life (and are told that this is the way to survive). We marry of teens and 20 year old children to the tune of mid-five figures who have yet to pay an electricity bill of their own. Of course, we don't invest in their education because we already spent the bank on everything else. We spend on designer gear and clothing as if it was the 11th commandment (thou shalt dress children in matching clothing, buy shoes at Stride Rite, and push a McClaren, Peg, Valero, or Mountain Buggy stroller).
Our habits look pretty bad and it is time to take an honest assessment instead of turning a blind eye and calling most of the expenses "necessary." Enough with the excuses!
Recommended reading for every frum family should be Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover (reviewed here) and The Millionaire Next Door (to be reviewed). No, these books won't tell you how to pay for day school/yeshiva, chassunas, and sleepaway camp. But they will let you in on how financial success is built: a hate of debt, a willingness to step outside of the box, and a low consumption lifestyle, and savings to help generate security and eventually dividends. We have to remember that expense begets expense and that savings generate income. From Rav Salanter to the Ben Ish Hai, I have yet to see an endorsement of the crazy spending that we are told is necessary.
We need to deprogram ourselves from all of the bad financial advice we have been fed from the importance of household help to the necessity of everything under the sun and start to make adjustments. I sure don't need my children getting the message that living a Torah life means poverty. Our kids don't want to be poor and neither do I!
There is an editorial up by a Matzav columnist and Rabbi declaring frum living a "financial impossibility." I have dedicated a lot of space on this blog to trying to empower people in Orthodox community to take the bull by the horns and create financially viability for their family. I find it frustrating when the message that comes from all sides is that being frum = poor. I imagine that many of us have family members from the "old country" who weren't particularly fond of being poor and blamed it on religion. I find it highly irresponsible for people in positions of influence to put out a message that we are doomed by virtue of adherence to Torah, when in fact we are largely doomed by our own dysfunction and foolishness.
Part of that dysfunction is that we spend money like poor people. We have no clue how to prioritise, not at the communal level and often not at the individual level. The author of the editorial lumps simcha/wedding expenses and parental support together with food, clothing, and shelter. That is telling and it is exactly where the problem lies. He prefaces this list of expenses with the disclaimer that "most of these expenses cannot be considered luxuries by any stretch of the imagination." Pretending that this, that, and the other thing are necessities is exactly why far too many families in frum community are way in over their heads! We are spending like fools on an individual and a communal level and instead of taking an honest look at our spending habits, we declare most of it "necessary."
I have a brochure from a known tzedakah sitting on right here (I plan to scan it soon) which places Hachnosas Kallah on page one. The donations being sought for the kallah's package include (this isn't a complete list, just what I'm reprinting):
$3,600 for apparel
$300 for classes
$1,800 for 2 wigs
$900 for bed and bath
$2,800 for bedroom furniture
$840 for 2nd night sheva brochos
$2,500 for the shabbos sheva brochos catering expense and $800 for the hall
$1100 for the melava malkah
Following hachnosos kallah are pages regarding collecting for medical expenses, clothing families, food, and helping people in business. Yes, hachnasat kallah is a mitzvah, but the priorities in spending are beyond foolish. A couple that can't even dream of supporting themselves (the charity is also collecting for 18 months of rent for these couples) is doling out $3,600 for apparel!
The habits I see in the frum community are habits I see in many disadvantaged areas and in 3rd world countries (see this article on Egypt's average wedding cost in comparison to average family income). We have tons of smokers (and drinkers). We have families dripping in "bling" that don't make even $20,000 a year. Here is a clue: if the price of all your jewelry, the price of all of your silver, and the price of your sheitel exceed your yearly household income, it doesn't matter who provided all of these goodies, you have a consumption problem. We have families in section 8 housing who hire cleaning help. We borrow as a way of life (and are told that this is the way to survive). We marry of teens and 20 year old children to the tune of mid-five figures who have yet to pay an electricity bill of their own. Of course, we don't invest in their education because we already spent the bank on everything else. We spend on designer gear and clothing as if it was the 11th commandment (thou shalt dress children in matching clothing, buy shoes at Stride Rite, and push a McClaren, Peg, Valero, or Mountain Buggy stroller).
Our habits look pretty bad and it is time to take an honest assessment instead of turning a blind eye and calling most of the expenses "necessary." Enough with the excuses!
Recommended reading for every frum family should be Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover (reviewed here) and The Millionaire Next Door (to be reviewed). No, these books won't tell you how to pay for day school/yeshiva, chassunas, and sleepaway camp. But they will let you in on how financial success is built: a hate of debt, a willingness to step outside of the box, and a low consumption lifestyle, and savings to help generate security and eventually dividends. We have to remember that expense begets expense and that savings generate income. From Rav Salanter to the Ben Ish Hai, I have yet to see an endorsement of the crazy spending that we are told is necessary.
We need to deprogram ourselves from all of the bad financial advice we have been fed from the importance of household help to the necessity of everything under the sun and start to make adjustments. I sure don't need my children getting the message that living a Torah life means poverty. Our kids don't want to be poor and neither do I!
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Q: How do you know tuition is too high?
A: When no student is paying full tuition.
This is a revelation in an article about the Lubavitch Twin Cities Yeshiva which is facing foreclosure as the church providing the Yeshiva a private mortgage has recalled the mortgage. Not a single parent pays the full tuition of $20,000. And according to the article, that $20,000 tuition only represents 50% of the budget and this year not one student pays full tuition. Clearly there is a problem when tuition and the cost of running the school aren't correlated.
It seems that the Yeshiva has found a surprising new funding source as non-Jews are contributing to help save the Yeshiva of 40 students which needs to raise $620,000 by February 1.
I'm not keeping count, but I believe this is the second Lubavitch Yeshiva facing foreclosure. The circumstances are different than the Florida Yeshiva which took out an eight million dollar bank loan, but it is important to remember that commercial loans are not 30-year fixed loans. They generally balloon every 5 years at which point the bank will evaluate the credit worthiness of the organization based upon financial compilations. I don't know if the recent foreclosures amongst Chabad schools are something that other institutions could face, but I wouldn't discount the possibility as the "build it and they shall come (and pay)" mentality is alive and well.
A: When no student is paying full tuition.
This is a revelation in an article about the Lubavitch Twin Cities Yeshiva which is facing foreclosure as the church providing the Yeshiva a private mortgage has recalled the mortgage. Not a single parent pays the full tuition of $20,000. And according to the article, that $20,000 tuition only represents 50% of the budget and this year not one student pays full tuition. Clearly there is a problem when tuition and the cost of running the school aren't correlated.
It seems that the Yeshiva has found a surprising new funding source as non-Jews are contributing to help save the Yeshiva of 40 students which needs to raise $620,000 by February 1.
I'm not keeping count, but I believe this is the second Lubavitch Yeshiva facing foreclosure. The circumstances are different than the Florida Yeshiva which took out an eight million dollar bank loan, but it is important to remember that commercial loans are not 30-year fixed loans. They generally balloon every 5 years at which point the bank will evaluate the credit worthiness of the organization based upon financial compilations. I don't know if the recent foreclosures amongst Chabad schools are something that other institutions could face, but I wouldn't discount the possibility as the "build it and they shall come (and pay)" mentality is alive and well.
Selling a Kidney?
Hat Tip: rosie and other readers of this blog (thanks)
According to a Ynet article published on VIN News, a psak is in that it is in fact not permissible to sell your kidney to marry off a daughter and that families. There is also a report of a newly married kid who sued his father-in-law for funding. No, this is not Purim Torah, although I'm a bit skeptical regarding the newspaper report. And yes, I'm continually surprised that just when I thought I had blogged about the last ridiculous thing something even more ridiculous comes along to eclipse it.
The shaila of whether or not one can sell a kidney is naturally getting the most play (e.g. what is the plan once there are no more kidney's to sell?), but the real subject of interest should be just why leadership is so woefully disconnected from the state of the union and simple economic reality. It is reported that Rab Eliyashiv is "mortified" by the financial state by the yeshiva students' families and suggests significant cutbacks on weddings rather than chasing after wedding funds. As per the article, Rabbi Yehuda Leib Steinman has called those who encourage young men to make financial demands "murderers" who jeopardize their bride's parents health and future. And the Rosh Yeshiva of Yad Aharon appears upset that fathers have to leave the beis medrash to "seek funding" for their undertakings and that the situation must be changed immediately. The way I read between the lines is that he'd rather the parents not have to "fund raise" so they can remain in earning. But, presumably, the money has to come from somewhere.
What I'd like to know is why is the leadership finds the financial state at all surprising? As far as I am concerned, the writing has been on the wall for a long time coming and it is an open miracle that the financial situation is as good as it is. The policies of the leadership/those who surround the leaders, accepted by the general public, are simply disastrous. I don't have my finger on the pulse of the community, but I can imagine that many are reaching their breaking point and are ready to boil over. A shame that a greater level of normality isn't being introduced. Rather, each month it seems we hear of more restriction. A shame because desperation rarely leads to good.
Hat Tip: rosie and other readers of this blog (thanks)
According to a Ynet article published on VIN News, a psak is in that it is in fact not permissible to sell your kidney to marry off a daughter and that families. There is also a report of a newly married kid who sued his father-in-law for funding. No, this is not Purim Torah, although I'm a bit skeptical regarding the newspaper report. And yes, I'm continually surprised that just when I thought I had blogged about the last ridiculous thing something even more ridiculous comes along to eclipse it.
The shaila of whether or not one can sell a kidney is naturally getting the most play (e.g. what is the plan once there are no more kidney's to sell?), but the real subject of interest should be just why leadership is so woefully disconnected from the state of the union and simple economic reality. It is reported that Rab Eliyashiv is "mortified" by the financial state by the yeshiva students' families and suggests significant cutbacks on weddings rather than chasing after wedding funds. As per the article, Rabbi Yehuda Leib Steinman has called those who encourage young men to make financial demands "murderers" who jeopardize their bride's parents health and future. And the Rosh Yeshiva of Yad Aharon appears upset that fathers have to leave the beis medrash to "seek funding" for their undertakings and that the situation must be changed immediately. The way I read between the lines is that he'd rather the parents not have to "fund raise" so they can remain in earning. But, presumably, the money has to come from somewhere.
What I'd like to know is why is the leadership finds the financial state at all surprising? As far as I am concerned, the writing has been on the wall for a long time coming and it is an open miracle that the financial situation is as good as it is. The policies of the leadership/those who surround the leaders, accepted by the general public, are simply disastrous. I don't have my finger on the pulse of the community, but I can imagine that many are reaching their breaking point and are ready to boil over. A shame that a greater level of normality isn't being introduced. Rather, each month it seems we hear of more restriction. A shame because desperation rarely leads to good.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Anyone Want to Guess the Fallout of Such a Proposal
I really wish that economics was a course required of all Yeshiva students so I wouldn't feel compelled to play armchair economist. What would the fallout of such a proposal be? I have my guesses (premature engagements, singles shut out of the dating process because it is already unaffordable, dinei Torah over small claims matters), but I want to hear yours. Let me just re-state my belief that social re-engineering and the "shidduch crises" can likely be correlated to a growing divorce rate. But, go ahead and try this. Similar ideas have been proposed before and the "throw money at it solution" always has it's true believers.
The more I torture myself reading these shidduch crisis letter, the more I'm ready to throw all the complainers into a big vineyard and let them sort it out for themselves.
IF IT’S BROKEN, LET’S FIX IT
Dear Editor,
If there is one thing that is obvious from the recent letters in the Yated regarding shadchanim and the shidduch process, it is that the present system is so clearly broken. Overwhelmed shadchanim, frustrated singles and parents, letters to the Yated… Where does it all end?
The following is a proposal that will go a long way towards fixing the problem.
As long as shadchanim get compensated only when they complete a shidduch, we can rest assured that there will continue to be a significant shortage of active shadchanim, thus ensuring the continuance of the vicious cycle. We, as a community, need to realize that redding a shidduch is a service no different than tutoring or any other job, and thus needs to be similarly compensated for.
A realistic proposal is that if a boy and girl meet three times, the shadchan, professional or not, at that point, should be paid $150 by each side. Three times clearly indicates a worthwhile suggestion with all the work involved and compensation is in order. As the shidduch continues, each side should pay $50 for each additional date. This payment should not be viewed as hakoras hatov, but rather as fair compensation for the valuable service the shadchan is providing. When we pay someone to learn with our children, we don’t consider his fee to be a token of hakoras hatov. Similarly, we shouldn’t view paying a shadchan any differently.
Implementing such a change would result in far more people redding shidduchim. Many potential shadchanim are paralyzed by the thought that unless a couple gets engaged, it is all a waste of time. In addition, people would be far more willing to redd shiddcuim to slightly older girls. The saying, “Young and dumb,” is somewhat true and is a primary reason that many shadchanim choose to focus on the younger girls.
If shadchanim were rewarded for their efforts, and not just for the finished deal, many more would try much harder for the slightly older girls. That would inevitably result in far more shidduchim for those girls.
N. P.
I really wish that economics was a course required of all Yeshiva students so I wouldn't feel compelled to play armchair economist. What would the fallout of such a proposal be? I have my guesses (premature engagements, singles shut out of the dating process because it is already unaffordable, dinei Torah over small claims matters), but I want to hear yours. Let me just re-state my belief that social re-engineering and the "shidduch crises" can likely be correlated to a growing divorce rate. But, go ahead and try this. Similar ideas have been proposed before and the "throw money at it solution" always has it's true believers.
The more I torture myself reading these shidduch crisis letter, the more I'm ready to throw all the complainers into a big vineyard and let them sort it out for themselves.
IF IT’S BROKEN, LET’S FIX IT
Dear Editor,
If there is one thing that is obvious from the recent letters in the Yated regarding shadchanim and the shidduch process, it is that the present system is so clearly broken. Overwhelmed shadchanim, frustrated singles and parents, letters to the Yated… Where does it all end?
The following is a proposal that will go a long way towards fixing the problem.
As long as shadchanim get compensated only when they complete a shidduch, we can rest assured that there will continue to be a significant shortage of active shadchanim, thus ensuring the continuance of the vicious cycle. We, as a community, need to realize that redding a shidduch is a service no different than tutoring or any other job, and thus needs to be similarly compensated for.
A realistic proposal is that if a boy and girl meet three times, the shadchan, professional or not, at that point, should be paid $150 by each side. Three times clearly indicates a worthwhile suggestion with all the work involved and compensation is in order. As the shidduch continues, each side should pay $50 for each additional date. This payment should not be viewed as hakoras hatov, but rather as fair compensation for the valuable service the shadchan is providing. When we pay someone to learn with our children, we don’t consider his fee to be a token of hakoras hatov. Similarly, we shouldn’t view paying a shadchan any differently.
Implementing such a change would result in far more people redding shidduchim. Many potential shadchanim are paralyzed by the thought that unless a couple gets engaged, it is all a waste of time. In addition, people would be far more willing to redd shiddcuim to slightly older girls. The saying, “Young and dumb,” is somewhat true and is a primary reason that many shadchanim choose to focus on the younger girls.
If shadchanim were rewarded for their efforts, and not just for the finished deal, many more would try much harder for the slightly older girls. That would inevitably result in far more shidduchim for those girls.
N. P.
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