Summer Camp Alternative: How About Learning Other Fundamentals?

No wonder camps have a virtual monopoly on summer! Over at imamother, a mother who is not sending her 8 and 10 year old boys to summer camp is wondering what she can do in terms of learning because her boys are learning mishnayot/gemara in school and she isn't schooled in such subject manner and thus isn't sure what to do (hire a tutor? Send to camp half day?).

It is possible that my own children's Jewish education is severely lacking and that they are so severely behind schedule in terms of Torah learning that this post should be completely disregarded and relegated to the virtual trash bin.

However, if this is not the case and you agree that 8 and 10 years olds should be spending less time (perhaps no time) with their head in a gemara, and more time absorbing some of the fundamentals of Jewish life, mostly through Tanach, then the answer as to what to do is not only a simple answer, but the presentation of a great opportunity to teach (good old fashion) Torah.

Summer is a great time to expand your children's Torah knowledge through a presentation of various subject matter they may never cover in school. Perhaps you can tackle some of the megillot. Perhaps you can learn some of the great books or stories in Nach. Perhaps you can expand upon already learned parshiyot or areas of Torah. Perhaps you can examine some of the tefillah and how it relates to the fundamentals of Torah. If you are insistent on learning an area of Torah that you don't feel competent in, go ahead and grab a sefer with translations and English commentary.

Just because an 8 or 10 year old is learning mishnayot doesn't mean you have nothing to offer said child. In fact, I'd bet that you have plenty to offer the child that is not being offered in school and you put your own stamp on their learning in the meantime.

Guest Post: Do Not Provide Your Child's Social Security Number

[Another fantastic Guest Post from another fantastic reader and contributor. Thanks for your time and effort as you alert readers to an important issue].

It's that time of year, parents are busy filling in school and camp application forms, complete with the "required" names, ages, dates of birth, Social Security numbers, and more. But before you provide that information (that actually may not really be required), stop, and think, and realize that you could inadvertently be setting up your child for a painful financial future.

Identify theft is one of the fastest growing crimes in America. As per the Social Security Administration (http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10064.html) "A dishonest person who has your Social Security number can use it to get other personal information about you. Identity thieves can use your number and your good credit to apply for more credit in your name. Then, they use the credit cards and do not pay the bills. You may not find out that someone is using your number until you are turned down for credit or you begin to get calls from unknown creditors demanding payment for items you never bought. Someone illegally using your Social Security number and assuming your identity can cause a lot of problems." This is a very real threat, and numerous victims have had their lives turned upside because a crook used or stole their Social Security number.

So what does this have to do with your kids? In 2006, 5% of all social security numbers stolen belonged to children, and in 2010 that number had increased to 8%. In one recent study of 42,000 children, Carnegie Mellon found that over 10% of their Social Security numbers had been misused, that’s more than 50 times the rate for the adults studied. It's gotten so bad that next month the FTC is sponsoring an event entitled "Stolen Futures: A Forum on Child ID Theft" (http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/workshops/stolenfutures/). Kids are the perfect identify theft victim because their Social Security numbers may not be used for years, allowing thieves lots of time to open accounts, rack up bills, and even commit crimes ... and your child will never know until they actually try to open a bank account or get a job or buy a house.

This is a serious problem. The government has long recognized that Social Security numbers were being requested too frequently and in ways never intended. This is why medical insurance companies are no longer allowed to you Social Security numbers as account numbers (until a few years ago your insurance card had your Social Security number embossed on the front). But, despite insurance companies not actually needing your Social Security number, Doctor's offices routinely ask for it for no other reason than that’s what they are used to. The truth is that you may decline to provide Social Security number, and you'll still be seen by the doctor.

And schools and camps are no different. Just about every school and camp application asks for your Social Security number. In fact, one yeshiva application we just filled in asked for a copy of my child's birth certificate! Why? I've asked multiple schools and camps to explain the need for this information, and they have yet to give me a reason other than that's the way they have always done it.

Ok, so schools don't need your child's Social Security number, and they most definitely don't need a birth certificate. But what's the big deal if you provide it to them, after all, you trust your school, right? Actually, wrong! Few (if any) of our schools have the right safeguards in place to secure confidential information. Offices are routinely left unlocked, filing cabinets are often open, computers are seldom adequately secured, there is usually no formally defined information access policy or audit-trial. In fact, I have personally seen piles of applications sitting openly on secretary's desks. And that's just this year's forms. If you are feeling brave, ask your school what they did with previous year's forms! And if you think schools are bad, camps are even worse!

I'll admit to generalizing here. There may indeed be some schools and camps with perfect policies in place to secure your children's confidential information. But, even if this were true, it still does change the fact that schools in general do not need this information, and you as a parent are free to refuse to provide it. Or put differently, for over a decade we have sent kids to multiple schools and camps in multiple states, have always refused to provide Social Security numbers, and the institutions have still been more than happy to accept our kids and cash our checks.

That’s not to say that there are never legitimate needs for the information. But, when asked, challenge the institution for details about data security, ask who will have access to the information and where it’ll be sent, and if the school is collecting the information for a government agency, consider sending it yourself.

The bottom line is just as you protect your kids from illnesses, inclement weather, bad drivers, poor influences, and more, you also have to protect their financial futures from potential ruin. Don’t give your child social security to anyone, even (or especially) schools just because they ask for it. The answer must always be no, unless a very compelling reason and justification can be made for saying yes.

The Camp Battle

Hat Tip: A reader who asks her readers, where do you weigh in on the issue of expensive Jewish summer programs? Are they a luxury or not?

A boxing match has begun in Bergen County. Some high schools sent letters to parents stating the school considers summer programs (Israel and for 10th to 12th graders are discretionary expenses, not basic expenses and that families sending their children, regardless of who pays, may be jeopardizing some or all of their scholarships. Quite frankly, I think the letter lacks teeth. "You may be jeopardizing some or all of your scholarship?" The passive voice isn't particularly convincing, is it?

Following this letter, two editorials have appeared in the Jewish Week decrying such a policy. The first letter comes from the paper's editor, Tough Choice: School Scholarship or Summer Camp. The second from NCSY International Director Don't Make Summer Programs 'Luxury Items'. Both articles decry the policy. The first editorial makes the argument

Both articles focus on the expected, the value of Jewish camping. The CEO of the Foundation for Jewish Camping is quoted in the first article saying "Families should not be "penalized" for wanting a full Jewish educational experience." In the second article the Rabbi begs that schools not be defined as "luxury items." Both editorials call for recognizing the value of the other, and working together.

Personally, I'm not so interested in weighing in on whether or not camp is a luxury or not? Let's just say that 99% of Americans would not even understand arguing over the necessity if a multi-thousand dollar summer "experience" is a basic expense or luxury. I hail from a working class town and can easily count myself amongst that 99%. Where I grew up, camp generally referred to spending your days at the Boys Club or the Girls Club (they've since combined). Other kids spent their mornings at (free pubic) summer school, followed by (walking to) swim lessons. High schools went to summer school/junior college, worked, and/or joined a sports league. If a high schooler mentioned going to camp, it most certainly met they went to a 3-4 day intensive for some club or sport. [Full disclosure: in elementary I had the one-time opportunity to spend 2 weeks in a Jewish day camp and it was absolutely wonderful].

To me the question is simply one of priorities and yashrut. Is it proper for some parents to enroll their children in expensive summer programs (or purchase other expensive consumer items or services) all while asking other parents and donors to subsidize their tuition? Is it proper and upright to take on another financial obligation when you can't meet your first obligation? One would think the answer would be obvious, but if it was obvious, we wouldn't be having this discussion, would we?

Frankly, I have little shaychus to the entire discussion. Paying $7000 for an Israel or other Summer experience for one, single child is about as relevant to my life as discussing purchasing a Rolls Royce (note to the second editorial author: I don't compare new cars to yeshiva education or camp. The reason people do compare to cars, imo, is that people save for a single car over several years, and yet have bills equaling the price of a new car arriving in their mailbox each summer. That is why an equivalence continues to be drawn).

It seems that while the school administrators and camp administrators duke it out over luxury camping vs. not doing so, there is a demographic that goes completely unnoticed (the demographic that doesn't get the experiences, only the bill). I'd consider our family part of that hidden demographic. We have a list of reasonably priced luxuries that might enhance our lives and our children's lives, but we are maxed out by tuition to the point where after-school gymnastics, ballet, art, or tennis is simply out of the question. We'd like to be able to take our children on road trips or go to an amusement park. But spending an extra low four figures would overrun the budget and make it very difficult to meet tuition on cash flow alone. Yet no one seems to recognize when parents ask for assistance to do what "everyone else" is doing, that they aren't just putting the burden on those who do, but those who will never do.

The end.

How to Stop the Cat and Mouse Game

Hat Tips: Google Alerts

Over at Dov Bear this past week appeared a back and forth between Jennifer in Mamaland and a Yeshiva Administrator, and a Tuition Wrap Up by Dov Bear. In short, Jennifer in Mamaland hates the tuition assistance dance of gathering numerous papers, disclosing every detail in detail, and begging for a reduced rate. She'd prefer a "short form". The responding Yeshiva Administrator doesn't like the dance he has to do to get parents to pay up the money that they agreed to pay in their tuition contract. And Dov Bear is calling for Yeshivot to run themselves more professionally and take collections seriously.

It sure would be lovely to have an honor system and one would think that when you are dealing with a Torah observant crowd, you could rely on an honor system. But unfortunately that was not the case when my husband was in elementary (his father occassionally did some research for the mechanech), nor is it the case today. Case in point would be a recent suggestion from one imamother member to another on how to keep the kids out of public school (which the mother was contemplating after her school closed down this summer) when the money for tuition simply isn't there:

Anyways, I say fight the fight and make sure they stay in torah schools. Tell the schools that your trying to get into that you are getting money from a relative-- make something up, and youll be able to pay in..october.. and then october comes and tell them you dont have it and pay what you can...they can't kick you out- can they? Iknow in new york they are really snobby and its sad. Where I lived, you pay what you could but with one or two schools in the community, they had no choice but to accept you either way. But I just wanna say that eduacting your kids to be religious, Gd fearing Jews should be number one priority for all of us. So I would do whatever I could to send them to Torah Schools. [sic]

Ah, lies, deception, and outright theft: The foundation on which to raise a "Gd fearing Jew." There is no question in my mind that Yeshiva administrators have their plate full when it comes to administering a scholarship system in a way that maintains dignity while trying to maintain some fiduciary duty.

So, the cat and mouse game is nothing new and because it is nothing new, I'd like to present an idea that is sure to be controversial with a capital C-O-N-T-R-O-V-E-R-S-I-A-L. Controversial as the following suggestions might be, they are industry standard practice and should be considered for their merit as the billing and collection games are simply ridiculous (and, yes, I've had a bit of an opportunity to witness this song and dance from the inside. Getting the billing and collections game under control would go a long way towards creating financially stable programming. Additionally, these practices will allow yeshivas (and camps) to create real, usable budgets which allow staff and bills to be paid on time, every time. The budget need not be a guessing game (and you can shave numerous staff hours in the process) when you know just just about how much money you have to work with because:

1. The school has collected most of the money before the first day of school (and builds in a premium for money they will collect later, offsetting possible bad debts).

In my research of private schools, I've noted that industry standard for private schools (especially pricier private schools) is to collect tuition in large lump sums. Ideally a school collects 100% of tuition due before the start of the school year, on August 1st. Different arrangements prevail for those who cannot pay in one lump sum, and extra fees are attached for parents who do not pay in one lump sum. I don't know if charging extra fees is halachically permissible, but I have seen some Yeshiva schools do so also. Some schools collect tuition in 3 larger lump sum payments, some in two. Collections are generally done well before the end of the year.


Now I realize that going to a one lump sum payment won't be popular for a number of reasons (and instituting lump sum payment plan(s), rather than a lump sum payment plan must be accompanied by a trust relationship), but it seems to me that if most tuition was collected before the start of the school year, schools could mostly end this cat and mouse game of collections. Furthermore, schools would basically know how much they have to work with and could plan accordingly.


Obviously, such a plan would be unpractical for parents currently in the system who are living month-to-month, but instituting such a plan for 1st time yeshiva parents is well worth considering in my opinion.


2. Tuition assistance decisions were made before school contracts for the coming school year are signed.

This also appears to be standard industry practice for schools that offer tuition assistance, as most private schools do. The admissions process works as such:

• Students apply for the following school year during late December, early January.
  
• Students applying for financial aid complete tuition assistance forms in addition to admissions forms.


• Schools send out letters of commitment and tuition contracts.


• Parents and students return letters of commitment, signed tuition contracts (and choose their payment plan), and a deposit for the coming school year.


• By August 1st, parents pay a majority of their tuition for the upcoming school year. Even where there are payment plans, the first payment is often the largest.

Parents know what they are expected to pay before they enroll their children in school. Administrators don't need to constantly "juggle" because the ball isn't constantly shifting as most collections take place up front.

3. The amount available for tuition assistance is pre-determined before scholarships are provided and assistance is divided from that pot of money.

Fire away. I realize that industry standard might appear to be somewhat draconian and some might label it "goyish." But this cat and mouse game that Mr. Yeshiva Administrator over at Dov Bear is playing with parents who bounce checks or won't make good on the agreed upon amount is no better.

Disconnect (Continued from last post)

A regular commentor felt that my last post was full of vitriol. If others detected that too, I apologize. I most certainly did not mean to convey such an emotion. I don't think that any feelings on the anger spectrum are particularly helpful in this debate. True, I have little sympathy for someone who places tuition in the same sentence as camp and making weddings. But that said, I absolutely recognize the strain of $20,000 a year of tuition in any middle income budget, especially in the budget of a family with six children to care for. (And, personally, I think it is important for us as a people and as a whole to "be fruitful and multiple.")

What I do think the letter underscores is that the way the scholarship system is designed leaves a lot to be desired. The letter writer is the receipient of a very large discount/scholarship. Yet he does seem not associate this discount/scholarship with receiving tzedakah, but rather goes on to demand that an elusive someone set up a tzedakah fund to help him.

I've never seen anyone complain that Bikur Cholim, which provides meals, support, and financial assistance, left them with some bills that they would need to meet independently. I've never seen anyone complain that Tomchei Shabbos allows families to be left without food during the week. I've never seen a family that received assistance in making a wedding complain that Hachnasat Kallah expected them to meet some percentage of the cost of the wedding.

Yet, somehow, tuition is different. Large a small donors give tzedakah throughout the year. Full tuition continues to rise making the cost of yeshiva even more prohibitive (and those who pay often scrap by without signing their child up for even a single extracurricular that would be in the interests of said child). And at the end of the day, there are people who receive substantial amounts of assistance screaming out that it is not enough.

But what I really suspect is that these families have tunnel vision. They see a massive $20,000 bill staring them in the face. That bill is so overwhelming to them, that they lack the ability to make a connection between their tuition that overwhelms them, the high tuition rates paid by other struggling families, the numerous fundraisers put on by the school, and the ongoing giving campaigns. There is a massive fee to be paid. That is what is first and foremost in the mind of the tuition payer (even the subsidized tuition payer), and it appears that there is limited understanding that such a massive bill is also being massively subsidized.

I do think that the system of scholarships/discounts needs to be overhauled. I think that the way things work today causes a great deal of consternation, anger, and even sinah that is completely counterproductive to actually tackling the issues on the table in the productive way.

It isn't considered a bargain, It IS a Bargain

More serious blogging to return shortly. . . . . in the meantime, can someone buy this man a calculator!

Dear Chaim,
What you are paying in tuition IS a bargain. Take your calculator out. You are paying $333.33 per child per month. Your tuition isn't just "considered" a bargain. It IS a bargain plain and simple. Clearly mathematical analysis is not your strong point, because if it was, you would realize that there already is a tzedakah in place to help people cover tuition. That tzedakah is called other people's tuition, those you note are paying double the rates you are paying and even more (!). Unlike others, I will not discount your struggle, nor will I call you mean names. But do realize that it is tasteless to complain about your tuition and complain that there is no tzedakah to cover you when many of us are writing our first tuition/tzedakah check on August 1.
Sincerely,
Orthonomics

Letter follows, emphasis mine.


THE BIGGEST CRISIS
Dear Editor,
The biggest crisis today is not the shidduch crisis. Sorry to disappoint all of you. The number-one crisis is the parnassah crisis. Financially, our communities are in shambles. Mosdos are suffering like never before and many frum families are falling apart because they cannot afford their basic needs.

Among the major expenses faced by frum families is tuition. I just received a tuition bill from my children’s schools. This coming year, I will be paying over $2,000 in tuition a month
for six children - and that’s considered a bargain. Many people I know are paying double that or even more. And that’s not counting the cost of camp and the other countless expenses I face.

Where are we supposed to get this money from? How much harder can we work?

We need an organization devoted to helping people with tuition, just like we have so many other organizations for all kinds of important things.

Upon further observation, one will find that the second component of the parnassah crisis is marrying off children, which I hope to address in a future letter. For now, let’s address the
first component, tuition.

And for those who are wondering, yes, the shidduch crisis is the second biggest crisis in my eyes. But it shares second place with kids-at-risk.
Chaim F.

Shalom Bayit and Finances, Tuition vs. Health

There is a new Letter to the Editor published today on Matzav supposedly written by a breadwinning father contemplating suicide due to his financial position. Oftentimes the letters posted on Matzav are straight out of the Yated, but I'm guessing this letter is not one of those. Additionally, I don't believe the letter was actually written by the person supposedly considering suicide, but I do believe that financial problems can make a person consider dreadful measures. Personally, I'm rather annoyed with Matzav for publishing a constant stream of "it's too expense to be frum" articles because I believe that this complaining, and I hear it in my own backyard too, is completely detrimental and counterproductive. What I think is highly needed is financial and frugality education, subjects I see stressed by different ministries. For my commentary on one Matzav "it's too expensive to be frum" editorial see Echad Chacham. . . . Echad Helpless Loser.

Like other complaining editorials of late, there is a lack of differentiating between needs and wants. The author mentions all of the following costs: "tuition, mortgage payments, car expenses, food bills to the sky, clothes, utilities, camp…" So long as camp or the chatunah (a subject that rears its head later in the letter for which I only have three words: Cake and Punch) appears in the same sentence as basic food and shelter, there is a lifestyle problem that needs to be addressed.

What I don't doubt about the article is that the real subject of the letter (see below), reflects the "matzav" of a good handful of husbands out there:

But is hard to appreciate the good things in life when you are sitting and staring at a bank account that is emptying out faster than it fills up. It is hard to smile when you have to tell your 12-year-old kid that he can’t go to the dentist this month even though his tooth is hurting because you don’t have the money for it. It is hard to be happy when your wife is frustrated that you are just not making ends meet no matter how hard you are working and how hard you are trying.

The letter writer believes that he has an income/lack of assistance issue. In all reality, $80,000 is a respectable income, but with a larger size family looking to maintain a healthy budget(healthy budget loosely defined as income > expenses + no consumption debt), I'm not quite sure there is more than a 4 figures available to pay tuition. So, in one sense there is an income issue, but what I believe the reader has is a shalom bayit issue. If the couple was supportive of each other, they could deal far more effectively with the financial issues.

More essential than cash flow in personal finance, is unity in approach. I believe that Chazal asserts that a couple with shalom can exist on the tip of a pin, whereas the largest home won't suffice for a couple without shalom. I think the same can be said of shoestring budgets: a family that works together on addressing their financial challenges can survive on a shoestring budget, whereas a family that does not share common vision, determination, and accomodation will struggle even on a generous income. I believe that sharing a similar approach towards finances is also what will move a couple from disatisfaction --> acceptance and addressing the issue together --> satisfaction or sameach bechelko.

One more issue I'd like to revisit is what I previously called "worshipping at the altar [of yeshiva/day school]." While I do believe yeshiva/day school should take precedence over stuff (e.g. camp experiences, European fashion, and eating out), I am concerned when supporting a frum lifestyle (and I use the term lifestyle deliberately), means neglecting health. To me that fits the definition of "worshiping at the altar."

The letter writer, whoever that is, mentioned forgoing dental care. So did a later commentor who writes:

Giving up the dentist was the hardest of all for us, we also earn income higher than this poster, but when we had no income, the school tuition committee thought we were hiding something and refused us. That was 15 years ago and we still don’t have necessary dental care—the adults in our family have allowed our teeth to rot and become diseased, and have suffered bouts of excruciating pain without seeing a dentist because we couldn’t afford it. The children who needed braces did not get them, nor did they get normal dental care. Along the way we mentioned this to a Rav whose response was What about all the Rabbi’s teaching in Yeshiva who can’t get dental care? So we just keep quiet and suffer. But at least now we pay full tuition.

All I know is that if the "letter writer" is contemplating suicide and this other commentator's children have rotted and diseased teeth, leaving the yeshiva system for public school doesn't sound like the horrific alternative other commentors are making it out to be!

I'll Tell You What Isn't Fair

A poster on the imamother chatboard is debating between paying of $10,000 of credit card debt (read interest charges alone likely vary between $800 to $3300 per year!) or sending her children to camp. Regarding camp, the pluses she list are sending her children to camp over paying down, and ultimately off, the debt she lists: giving them a wonderful, fun summer and saving her sanity. She wonders if "denying them a camp experience isn't fair to them."

Please don't take this in the wrong way, because it might sound a bit harsh, but the message needs to get out there. . . . . I'll tell you what isn't fair to the kids: jeopardizing your financial future and, for that matter their financial future, so you can having something you want NOW. I'll tell you what isn't fair:

• Putting your shalom bayit in jeopardy. Money problems do exactly that. Money problems have hurt many a marriage. We pray daily to Hashem to not place us in challenging situations. The best way to shield yourself from financial challenges is to live on a budget and stay out of debt. Want real sanity? Pay off that credit card debt. I guarantee you that an exhausting summer will allow you to sleep at night. Fielding calls from creditors will cause plenty of sleepless nights.
• Reaching retirement age with a mortgage in the hundreds of thousands or reaching the retirement years with debt, debt, debt, placing plenty of pressure on your adult children who fear what will be. One of my readers has commented on the heartache that he and his wife have over their parents' debt. While I have no particular issue with grandparents and parents living under a single roof and working cooperatively together, such is best done out of free choice, not out of lack of choice.
• Not being mechanech children regarding healthy financial management including delayed gratification and living within our means (happily). I've noted that debt is often generational.
• Spending money on the fleeting, while underfunding other opportunities, perhaps opportunities that will have a far more positive effect on a child's future than a summer in camp.

This is a no-brainer. Get out of consumer debt asap. Save for emergencies. And at that point you can consider a camp experience. There are many more summers and many more camp experiences to be had. Ultimately, you will "deny" your children far more if you continue to dig yourself into a hole. And while plenty of people will scream that camp is a necessity and that it is a vital chinuch experience, I will let you in on a secret: plenty of kids don't really enjoy camp. So use the opportunity to have a fun, wonderful experience in your own backyard.

Mumps and Measles Revisited

Do read the CDC report and that looks at the connections between England and the outbreak of mumps in North America, primary areas of New York and New Jersey and Quebec. In England the rates of vaccination are very low and there is a general outbreak there of 4000 in the general community.

The Science-Based medicine blog has some history regarding low vaccination rates in England and makes a prediction that these communicable diseases with spread. I hope this will not be the case.

Meanwhile, the Lower Hudson newspaper is reporting a large Mumps outbreak in Monsey in the Dec 19 edition. According to the article, non-immunizing parents interviewed by health official report they do not immunize because of religious beliefs. I have no idea what religious beliefs they are referring to. Dr. Yakov Tendler, a Monsey internist, is on record stating,
"There are a lot of crazies out there who are putting their children and everyone else at risk."

It is interesting to note that mumps patients are 83% male with a median age of 14. It appears that the separation of genders and the fact that bochurim from the communities most affected tend to reside in yeshiva dorms rather than home environments is containing the mumps somewhat to a certain segment of the population. Given the incubation period, I don't see a great way to stop the spread of the disease without serious steps. Rabbis in Doctors in affected communities are calling for vaccination, but it seems to me that to put a stop to the spread, more than a call for vaccination is needed.

Camp registrations open up very soon and the CDC reports that the mumps outbreak is attributable to a camper from the United Kingdom in a Sullivan County, NY camp. I'm not a doctor and would very much like to hear from any doctors who read my blog what steps should be taken to try and contain the spread of mumps (what a disaster it would be if this outbreak leaves the confines of the community). Summer for many means camps --sleepaway and day camps, weddings, and travel. My unscientific analysis would lead me to think that foreign campers should not be accepted into American camps and that any parent who does decide to send to camp should be asking serious questions of their doctors. I know I'm setting myself to be accused of having the middot of a Sodomite. But, it seems to me that where herd immunity is weak, welcoming in campers from a country experiencing an outbreak shouldn't be repeated. I hope that doctors in the communities affected are working on making sure this disease stays contained.

Doctors? Scientists? Commentors? Your thoughts?

What Messsages are Our Kids Getting?

There was a letter to the editor in a recent Yated that addressed an advertisement that came home from his son's cheder. The advertisement was for a Sunday "fun school" for ages 2-6, or the boys who don't normally attend school on Sunday. The letter writer was disturbed not by the fact that such a school exists, as there are people who do need care on Sundays, but the advertising method. The advertisement stated:

“How in the world is a mother supposed to accomplish anything if the kids are home?”

This feeling, which was put into writing is in no way an aberration. I've seen this thought expressed very openly by mothers, teachers, and other chashuv people and quite frankly I find the expression of such a thought to be rather horrifying. In fact, I was planning a post on this very subject early this summer when a camp director approached me and asked if I hadn't enrolled my kids in camp because of the cost (I believe she had some extra spots and would have been happy to work a deal). I responded that we didn't need to send our kids because I was able to handle the work I do with the kids around. Her response: "but how can you stand them around all day?"

I was taken aback to say the least and wanted to say something like "what are you saying about MY children?" But I realized that she isn't talking about MY kids, but expressing her own feelings and thinking that I would relate. Instead of saying something snotty I'd be sure to regret, I just responded that we have a very lovely time together and that the summer is a great time to do things that are harder when you are on a schedule, which is true. And, I do enjoy my kids, but I'm not superhuman. At time, I feel like kicking everyone out of the house so I can get "something done."

But I find expressing that sentiment so openly to be extremely problematic and distasteful for that matter. Obviously the sentiment is strong enough that a school thinks it is a good way to advertise their program! Psychologists talk about self-fulling prophesies and I find that the more we talk about something unpleasant the bigger the monster becomes. And, our kids pick up on that too. There is a lot of talk about kids-at-risk, antisocial behavior and bullying, tzniut issues, etc. It seems to me that regarding children as a burden is a good way to cause many of the social ills that writers are writing about.

Just something to think about. More on the subject later I'm sure.

Update: Shortly after I had posted this post, I noted that blogger and homeschooling mom Avivah posted some thoughts on the subject "How can you stand to be around them all day?". The comments coming in on her site demonstrate once again that mothers are being told that being around their kids in large doses should make them crazy. My own observation is the opposite. When I'm around my kids in very large doses, such as in the summer, we fall into a nice rhythm. When we are dealing with the regular routine, a lot of tension can arise. It seems this observation is shared by others.

Alternative Schooling Models: The Hybrid Model

While researching homeschool co-ops in their various forms, an idea one of my own commentors wrote about in the JPost Bloggers contest, I discovered something known as a "hybrid school." There are a handful of them out there, but one that caught my eye is a 2-day a week, religious Christian school that offers formal schooling in the classics combined with a homeschooling element. Students from mid-elementary through high school meet two days a week for intensive education in the classics and the sciences with both tutors and teachers. In addition to core curriculum, the school also offers an extended day where students can choose academic and extracurricular classes. Tuition is very reasonable. The core curriculum is priced below $2500 for all grades, the highest grades being priced significantly lower. The other academic, extracurricular classes, and study hall are offered on an a-la-carte basis and are open to students who are not enrolled in the core curriculum.

I think a model like this could be potentially very attractive in the frum community. The resource sharing, downsizing, and cost containing elements are all there. I could see separate gender classes being offered on opposite days. I could see a 3 day a week program if more days are what parents want. I could see parents who have the ability to engage in some sort of home education, but do not feel 'homeschooling' is a viable choice finding more attraction to this method. Those who feel homeschooling is too insular and doesn't offer enough social opportunities might find a "real school" with limited hours appealing. Parents who believe the school day/week is ridiculous in terms of hours, schedules, and/or days might also find this school to offer a better middle-ground. Parents who are already homeschooling might enjoy registering their children for some of the a la carte academic or extra-curricular classes. Parents who have placed their children in public school but want their children to still attend school and be in a frum environment to a greater extend could also enroll their children in a la carte classes. Parents, and students for that matter, often realize that they end up having to re-teach or teach themselves the material, so having more hours to get down to business might carry a certain amount of appeal also (I know I felt like getting back home to actually have the chance to concentrate on the material and work at the pace I needed to).

Of course, those who believe that cradle through grave, 6 day a week schooling with extended hours, night seders/extracurriculars, and the expectation of an 8 week summer sleepaway camp is necessary for their child's development or their own needs won't be interested. But, for each parent like this, there is another complaining that they have no family time left schooling begins.

There are tremendous opportunities out there. I think it is time to explore them with an open mind (now you may bombard the comments section with all of the reason why this will NEVER work on cue!). This type of school was something I had never heard of and seems to provide a lot of interesting, quality alternatives.

Also see: The Four Day School Week (an idea that continues to grow on me, although a 2-3 day school could easily get my vote).

Oy Vey: Beis Yaakov of Boro Park Slated to Close

Hat Tip: a reader (thanks)

I have to solve some financial issues today, as well as replace an appliance I've been thinking about replacing for 2 years now (yeah for furnish your dorms sales!), but it looks like there is a lot of blogging on deck as readers are sending articles like mad to my email box (thanks all!).

Today, a reader send me a link to this story. My reaction is practically adolescent because the abbreviation OMG flashed through my head, and I have never once sent a text, nor do I even recognize most of the text language out there beyond lol, and I'm certainly not lol'ing.

Boro Park Beis Yakov send out a letter to parents informing them that the school, the largest girls' school in Boro Park (perhaps the largest in Brooklyn, readers?) will not open in September. Of course they are seeking donations from the community in hopes of reopening. I don't know if this is one of the schools I've seen mentioned as being behind on paying teachers. I can only imagine that the board/administration decision was made out of desperation because plenty of schools have floated payments for months, and even years, on end.

I can't even imagine what parents, just 2 weeks away from the opening of school are thinking? What in the world happens when a school of this size announces they are closing? I can't imagine the clientele marching to the public school district office and enrolling their children. I hope parents will jump into gear, rather than just holding off for a miracle instead of concentrating on their children's education which must be a priority. If my own children's school announced it were closing today, I believe I'm not sure if we would try to get into another school or register with the school district to home school. Likely the majority of parents don't have the leverage and money to get their children into other school (after all, lack of tuition paying parents IS the root cause of closures). So, they have few options: fundraising, public school, or homeschooling. Fundraising isn't new in the frum world and obviously a wall has been hit. Public school is unlikely, even temporarily for this demographic. And, homeschooling would be beyond intimidating for the same demographic given the lack of familiarity and the unpreparedness, to say nothing of lack of know how and support. Oy vey!

The Jewish Observer, may it rest in peace, once wrote "Yeshivos have become very creative and entrepreneurial in finding ways to close their budget gaps" and "To an honest and realistic person, our school administrator knows his business very well. He has been successful in steering the ship through very choppy waters. This same executive director or administrator has become so talented at balancing the budget, his skills match those of any corporate CFO. The fact that he stays at the yeshiva is in itself real mesiras nefesh." I imagine "creative" accounting was used for many years. But, Virginia, "cash is king" and when you don't have it, it eventually catches up to you.

The letter sent out by the Beis Yakov blames the (potential) closing on the financial crisis. But, I personally cannot and will not place the blame on a downturn in the economy. I'm afraid the money management skills haven't matched the a corporate CFO. Many have been talking about the day when the frum community would hit a wall for years now! Many have decried the duplication of services, the growth of a near impossible infrastructure to support, etc. What do you think you get when you combine a growing infrastructure of non-profits + young marriage followed by kollel followed by late entrance into the marketplace + lack of eduction/vocation + a growing fertility rate + a ridiculously expensive 'lifestyle' from clothing to camp+ reliance on debt, parents, in-laws, relatives, and grandparents + underemployment combined with planned government dependency + a recession that has finally proved that credit does have a limit?

I don't quite know what to say about the potential closing beyond OMG. It is really scary, or as the reader who sent me the article said, it will be a tsunami if it closes. I do NOT want to see the infrastructure of day schools/yeshivas/beis yaakovs threatened, changed yes!, collapse no! If I didn't care, I would never have started this blog and dedicated so much time to trying to promote healthy money management from a grass roots level. I realize Boro Park isn't exactly my audience. But, I do have a good spectrum of readers, and I harbor no illusions that similar issues might be lurking in centrist and modern Orthodox schools too. So, I think we all need to be watching what happens there and begging our own schools to employ sound business practices (even if that means that not every single child can be provided with a comprehensive day school education. . . .the majority must goal. "No matter what your financial circumstances" simply is unsustainable).

More tuition blogging to come (unfortunately). Your thoughts.

P.S. The article notes that BY Boro Park receives some state funding. The Yated recently had an article on the tuition crisises that, after a lot of talking, concluded government funding was the only answer. There already is plenty of government money in the frum community and I pipe dreams won't take care of today's problems. Throwing up your hands and declaring there is only one answer, as the Yated did, isn't going to open up a school slated for closing.

Would the Financial Gurus Fail If Frum?

Hat Tip: aml

I finally took the time out to review Dave Ramsey's book the Total Money Makeover, which I highly endorsed because of its straightforward approach to money management and the ethic behind it. Sure, I had a few quibbles, but in the larger scheme of things, they aren't particularly important.

A number of months ago, I was informed that the CPA who writes for Baltimore's Where What When also wrote a review of the book. At the end he writes that a frum family that is not careful about budgeting "the average frum family can lose a million dollars and more over a lifetime and have absolutely nothing to show for it." I believe that he is very active in the Baltimore community which makes this statement very eye opening. He too liked the book (although he seemed to like the Tightwad Gazette more-different strokes for different folks. I could not finish that book), and recommends it, but he throws a swipe writing:

Ramsey and [Suzy] Orman are preaching to families to stop the cable TV, SUV loans, daily meals at restaurants, and the $4 Starbucks latte habit. That is simple advice to give. If they had to handle frum finances, they wouldn't have it so easy. Frum people have larger families, often with only one wage earner. The expenses are much higher than in the secular world. I wonder if these gurus can imagine making Pesach? Explain to Suzy Orman that some kids need to go to sleep-away camp for the "ruach," because if they stay home they will be influenced by the "outside world." Huh?

It has been said that the more something is said, the more it is believed. The more we talk about just how expensive it is to be frum, the more we believe that we really have no choices and the more permission we give ourselves to just keep spending. After all, there is nothing that we can do, right?

I have no doubt that Dave Ramsey could figure out how to make Pesach. And I think "huh?" is exactly the response that we need to turn around some of the crazy spending on big ticket items. Alternatives can be found when you question the premises.

Powerless Parents

The powerlessness that parents in the Yeshiva world seem to have never ceases to amaze me. In this letter, a mother sends her teenage daughters off to work in the Catskills as mother's helpers, and now claims she hasn't slept all week because she is worried about what her daughters might be tempted to do.

Her concerns are perfectly justified. Despite some (likely childless) commentators declaring that if the kids were raised right they won't find trouble, the fact remains teenagers + lack of supervision + lack of physically present family and others for which a health attachments exists + a peer dominated mob scene is a good equation for some children to perhaps not exercise the best judgment.

The mother asks: "Do we stop sending our children to the country as mothers helpers? As day camp counselors? Do we shield them from outside influences?"

It is a sad day when a parent goes with the flow first and asks questions second. Reasonable people might come to different conclusions regarding these questions, but it would make sense to think first and act second.

The sense of powerlessness is truly sad.

Perhaps the Worst Example of Entitlement I've Ever Heard Of

Rabbi Ginsberg, the chinuch columnist in the Yated, whose columns I find interesting has a question and answer session about camp. This question send my jaw dropping to the countertop (ouch!).

You know the insane are running the asylum when kids are pressuring their parents to take on debt!

This is just beyond ridiculous! But I can imagine such a scenario happening since so many adults haven't quite made the separation between needs and wants and when it is no secret that "big purchases" that are "necessary" are funded through debt (read: weddings-here and here-, beis medrash, etc).

From the Yated [emphasis mine]:

Question #5:
My children are pressuring me into taking a loan so that I can send them to camp. They point to the fact that I used a loan - a mortgage - to pay for our house.
Answer:
Just like children need an education as to how checks work and how there needs to be cash in the bank to back up the checks, they also need to understand how loans work. The details of how interest works and how loans have payment schedules are things that children can and should learn. They should also be taught that a mortgage is a necessity, while a loan to pay for camp may not be.

How to be sensible in managing money, how to live within one’s means, and how to be debt-free are perhaps some of the most important lessons you can teach your children. Personally speaking, I grew up in a family that never had a credit card and my mother still gets by without owning one.

My guess is that the kids who are pressuring their parents to take out a loan have parents who debt finance, and not just the home.

Guest post: Cooperative Camps
by A Mother in Israel

I'm always thrilled when I can convince a blogger or commentator to write a guest post (I have another guest post soon to follow). I've been too busy planning my own "Camp Mommy" and trying to get my clients on auto-pilot to write about our plans for a low cost summer, which will hopefully include a bit of co-oping. So I managed to convince my friend to share her experiences. Working parents who are looking to save themselves a large lump sum should take a look at the link I have highlighted from the money and frugality blog The Simple Dollar. The potential summer savings on daycare/camp could well be worth the effort it would take to rearrange schedules and/or take vacation time.

A Mother In Israel's post follows:

Are you wondering about your kids' school vacation? Camp is expensive, but two or more months without a daily schedule can throw even experienced parents into a panic. And if both parents are working you need a reliable arrangement.

Over the last few years our family was part of a cooperative summer camp, where each family took responsibility for part of the programming. Beyond that, anything goes as long as everyone agrees. Usually we had all of the children together, ranging from ages 4 to 12. Some years we split by gender or age with some joint activities. Families usually hosted once a week. We met every day, or three or four times a week.

It doesn't even have to be a full-blown camp. You could cooperate to make a weekly cooking class, a sports afternoon, or whatever the parents decide.

In our camp the mothers--and two fathers--were mainly at home during the day (some were teachers) and we were all involved. Enthusiastic parents are key. Trent from The Simple Dollar described his camp, where each couple took a week off from work to take a shift. They invested a good chunk of money, and hired teenage counselors. As a form of daycare the camp needed to be more formal. But they still saved a lot of money.

In our camp, we gave parents flexibility to choose activities that interested them. One year we made passports and "visited" a different country each day. We went on field trips once a week, with extra adults. We cooked and baked, did science experiments, played games, made up quizzes and scavenger hunts, prayed and studied, visited a firehouse and a bakery and went on various hikes. We spent time in local and distant parks. We got the older children involved in making decisions and gave them responsibility for projects.

Once you find interested parents, write down some ideas and call a meeting. Every family has its own concerns, but with goodwill and flexibility you can work things out. Families with rigid ideas about what camp should look like may not be a good match.

I don't think summer camp is necessary. If kids are never allowed to be bored they won't come up with their own projects. But if you are looking for structured summer activities at low cost this could be a solution.
More tips form A Mother in Israel:
Staying Home and Staying Sane (some tips apply to summer vacation)
Our Cooperative Summer Camp (2006)
Cooperative Summer Camp (2007)
More on Camp (2008)
Frugal Strategies for Young Families that Pay Off as Your Family Grows

The Baltimore Initiative

Time to get back to my bread and butter blogging. I hope all my readers had a great yom tov and that no one has entered the realm of slavery/subjection a la Avadim hayeinu L'Mastercard B'America.

Hat Tip: Numerous readers from Baltimore and beyond. Thank you loyal readers. I will allow you to self-identify at your own discretion.

Numerous readers from Baltimore and beyond have kindly emailed me regarding the Baltimore Communal Initiative. In late March, the Rabbinical Council of Baltimore sponsored a community wide event: “Responding to the Economic Crisis: An Evening of Tefillah, Chizuk, and Practical Initiatives.” The event featured various speakers in which an initiative known as "The Pledge" was presented along with other information about job programs (JobLink), Baltimore tzedakah organizations, the roll out of the Baltimore's own Mesila (an Israeli organization that provides financial counseling, awareness, and education, which is now expanding to chutz l'aretz), Day School education in Baltimore, etc.

The main point of the night was that the majority of tzedakah funds must stay within the community. "The Pledge" is a public listing of all community members who have committed to keeping 51% of their tzedakah funds local (Note: Rav Schachter mentioned 75% of tzedakah dollars should remain local in his shiur). Of the amount that must be given locally, 26% is to be designated in care of local day schools/yeshivot. All media files from the event are available online, see the Pledge and FAQs regarding The Pledge. (Another Note: I believe Rav Schachter mentioned that previous commitments to tzedakah need not be honored when your own community is in a emergency situation. Unfortunately, I cannot find my notation regarding this point).

I believe that the Baltimore Rabbonim are hoping that a public commitment will both help potential donors be able to turn away institutions from outside of the community with greater ease, as well as create a positive peer pressure to keep giving local. Apparently there is a sense of urgency regarding funding, especially for schools, as is the case throughout the nation. E.g., Rabbi Frand in his talk relates that there is a principal in another community sitting on $180,000 of currently worthless checks.

I'd like to hear from more attendees regarding their views regarding both the substance and presentation of the event. One reader wrote to me that while there was nothing earth shattering in either the video or the speech, that the basics (keeping money in the community and networking within the community to help those seeking work) were fine.

However, my reader felt the comments regarding tuition and personal finance missed the boat:

• The reader pointed out that a comment on the video telling telling parents to teach their kids to be careful with money, so they will understand the value of $1, $10, $100, and eventually $10,000. My reader writes notes that "its not the little things, but the big things." The reader refers to the ingrained lifestyle choices that are considered normal writing: . . . . but will you get rid of that maid? Will you buy a smaller house? Buy a used car? Stop going to summer camp, pre-Pesach camp, between summer camp and school camp, etc?" The reader noted that no specifics regarding personal finance were addressed beyond being careful. The reader's comment really resonates with me, as I have a bit of (professional) experience in the realm of personal finance. Issues of "lifestyle" simply can't be glossed over. I know very few people who say, "I'm broke because I have made poor choices." But I know a lot of people who are broke and believe they are quite careful, even frugal. Might sound harsh, and I apologize if I am in a bad mood after a recent conversation with a client regarding cash issues, but that is my own observation. Take it or leave it.
• My reader noted that on the school front, it is what I am about to start calling "same old, same old." The schools are are basically just looking for more ways to find money---more donations, government funds. They aren't yet ready to deal with issues of sustainability and (like above) tangible "lifestyle" changes of their own. If you listen to the Aisfa video available at the website (school section starts at just past 20 minutes) you will likely note, as the reader did, that no changes are being proposed. The basic gist is a need for more funding.

I'm encouraged by the increased attention on tuition, although it would have been nice if there was more foresight, rather than trying to tackle the issues when the schools are at the "financial breaking point." Personally, I don't like to tackle an issue when there is an emergency on hand. Like my reader who kindly sent comments, I don't believe the full pictures regarding the tuition and other economics crisis vis a vis the Orthodox community is more fully understood yet by leadership. (Obviously I'm not quite convinced that the funds are sitting in wait).

Hat Tip: A Mother In Israel

One person does seem to pinpoint one or two crucial issues (highlighted) of this financial crisis, and that is the executive editor of the Baltimore Jewish Times, Phil Jacobs. In response to the community gathering he writes the following:

So here we are. It’s 2009 and we’re still working a model of education and fund-raising that connects back 25 years ago, at least. We remember the days when schools would “pay off” loans by borrowing from other sources. Jewish Community Services executive director Barbara Gradet told the BALTIMORE JEWISH TIMES that her agency is handling some 1,000 unemployed Jews. Ahavas Yisroel is going to disperse a record-setting $370,000 in financial aid just for Passover alone. CHAI is preparing itself for a workshop on avoiding foreclosure. The Orthodox community is mobilizing itself to train its constituents in job-hunting skills and family financial management. [A lot of suggestions interspersed with "Again, we don’t have money. There is no money." Which is followed by a reminder]:

The punch line –– there is no money.
There is no money coming.

I don't have much to say about Mr. Jacob's own suggestions. Many of the suggestions have been made before (but are a long way from implementation), and in the case of a "tax" of meshulachim, Baltimore already has a program for taxing meshulachim. Some of the suggestions really push towards some sort of half day public, half day Talmud Torah option, which isn't going to get too far at this juncture. I think volunteer labor is key to lessening costs in the schools, and forgoing a pricey year in Israel may just be commonsense for those lacking the resources, but the "YeshivaCorps" suggestion doesn't hold much appeal for me personally. Perhaps others feel differently. I think the delay of entrance into the workforce (amongst Orthodox young men in particular) is one of the root causes of our current doomed economic model. I see no reason to delay my own children's entrance into the workforce while painting Yeshiva walls, answering phones, or coaching a sports team alongside some sort of ad hoc learning program.

I will wrap this up now before this post becomes even more lengthy. Welcome to what will probably be an extended stretch of bread and butter Orthonomic blogging. I've got materials coming out my ears with thanks to my fantastic readers.

Shabbat Shalom!

My Own Comments On Rav Schachter's Tuition Shiur

Some Things I Liked:

1. Here, there, and everywhere sleepaway camp has been called a necessity. While I am sure that others have questioned whether or not camp is a luxury, I believe Rav Schacter is one of the few to go on record and call camp a luxury. He even mentioned how he spent different summers with different aunts and uncles. So not only did he defy "conventional wisdom," but he essentially gave a stamp of approval to alternative plans.

2. There are schools that ask on the scholarship application about the child's own earnings. Rav Schachter called this "unreasonable" saying " it will squash their incentive to make money." Too bad the question of how much to take from a second job/third job/wife's new job was not asked. I think the same (economic) concept can easily apply to adults.

3. He mentions that we need to mentor people on how to manage their money, i.e. teach skills. I couldn't agree more and, although I don't like "big brother" type intervention as a general rule, I sometimes wonder if a mandatory mentoring program for those who are applying for scholarships who seem to be headed into a deep hole should be required for the sake of the entire kehilla, not just the family themselves.

4. I appreciate the explanations of what constitutes ircha and priorities in giving, especially with the needs of other communities seem greater than our own.

5. The recognition that attrition is a possibility. I think for a long time the conventional wisdom was that people will find a way. (Do see last section for an additional comment on attrition).

Something That Needs More Explanation

Rav Schachter mentions numerous times that this generation of yeshiva/day school students is less committed than the previous generation. For the life of me, I can't understand why this is true (although I am trying). So many families have placed a second breadwinner into the marketplace, not to pay for any luxuries, but to eek out a little bit extra tuition after paying the marginal taxes and day care for younger children. There are grandparents helping pay for tuitions of numerous grandchildren, as their own children can't meet the full obligation. How many parents have racked up tremendous debt to pay for schooling?

In addition, I'm worried if nearly universal, across the board intensive Jewish Education is resulting in decreased commitment. That can't be good.

The Big Picture

Rav Schachter starts of his talk with a short analysis of how tuitions came to rise so rapidly (better paid staff, small classes, and larger families). He also mentions job layoff a small time later, imploring members of the kehilla to to help secure jobs for the unemployed.

I get the feeling that those in leadership do not quite understand the full extent of the financial crisis being faced by the Orthodox community (tuition being only one of a number of other issues) the same way that I am some readers (Mark comes to mind) are seeing the crisis. I get the feeling that leadership sees the problem as a combination of (1) not enough charitable donations being designated towards Day Schools combined with (2) too many household expenses, many of which are unnecessary (Rav Schachter singled out cell phones and IPods for kids, as well as lavish bar mitzvahs and weddings), that is being currently exacerbated by (3) the current wave of unemployment resulting from the current recession.

Note that I used the word exasperated in regards to the terrible job losses. Job loss is only one macro issue and the other macro issues that I believe are being completely overlooked, have been looming large for a long time. They include the following:

• The proliferation of credit which allowed families to continue propping up a lifestyle that was really outside of their reach. Despite the lack of availability of cash, families were able to pay for tuition and other luxuries via home equity lines, cash out refinances, and credit cards). Now these sources of "cash" are increasingly unavailable and families are finally having to realize their current needs in cash. . . . and they don't have enough.
• Numerous families not only tapped into their homes, but also have high levels of consumer debts, which continue to grow and for which the increasing interests payments are crowding out discretionary spending.
• Lack of savings. Saving early and saving often creates a passive and continually growing source of passive income. This income can fund future needs and even lessen the blow when things don't go quite right (job loss, decreased profits, layoffs).
• And speaking of lack of savings, I think there is a growing realization that perhaps savings is necessary to pay for future needs. (I predict it won't be long before Jewish publications are running stories about the "Retirement Savings Crisis").

Some Other Questions

If there really are no expenses to cut and increasing class size is not secheldik (I am unsure that the studies Rav Schachter refers to vis a vis class size are applicable in many frum schools as many classes that are being run are already smaller, sometimes significantly smaller, than the study samples), I would like to know what is acceptable? I'm personally afraid that unless something is declared "mutar" even as an experiment, that we will continue to collapse under the weight of our institutions. And I would note that if schools collapse that cutting salaries (I believe MTA did announce 15% salary cut for Rebbeim) won't be the least of our issues.

And lastly regarding the threat of attrition, does the Rav believe that public schooling is the only threat of attrition? I, for one, do not believe this to be the case.

Your comments and my apologies if anything is misconstrued as irreverent. I'm just trying to explain things as I see them. While I don't think the full situation is being understood, this is the first time I have been informed of numerous public venues regarding the financial crisis and I've been running this blog forum for a few years now and receive plenty of emails from all over.

Rav Hershel Schachter: Halachic Issues of the Tuition Crisis

I'm going to resist the temptation to make any actual comments on the shiur for the moment and just present my notes. My commentor Avi has his notes in the comments of a previous post. Thank you Avi! As Avi pointed out, the shiur was about Halachic implications, not how to solve the tuition crisis.

My notes without comment below:
Rav Schachter asks, why is there a crisis now, and we didn’t notice before?

He sites these reasons:
1. Melamdim paid better
2. Sizes of classes are much smaller, more teachers
3. Families are larger which means more tuition.

He believe that it is unreasonable to cut back on salaries (if you want better quality teachers, you need to reimburse them and talented young men will leave the field). Same goes for giving free tuition for even large number of children. He believes that this is part of the package to retain staff and that schools are competitive and if a school cuts this part of the package, a melamed can go to another school. He says that there is no sechel behind calling for larger classes and mentions that secular boards of education have finding that smaller classes are better educationally. He also mentions the importance of having more children, saying we haven't even replaced what we lost in WWII.

Rav Schachter believes that many parents currently in our schools are borderline committed and that we need to hold onto the students who are being scared away by tuitions as these students will be lost. He says that those who need a tuition break need to ask for one. Should not feel embarrassed. If you don't have the money, you don't have the money.

He mentions that a Rambam that obligates the father obligated to pay for education and if the father can't pay obligates the paternal grandfather. He notes that some schools in Lakewood write this on the bottom of the bill.

He asks should the wife be obligated to work to pay more tuition? He mentions that his wife always worked (they have 9 children!), but can appreciate a wife who wants to be a fulltime mother and says the tuition committee shouldn’t force wife to work.

He asks if children who work should be obligated to help pay their own tuition? No. He believes it will squash their incentive to make money and that is unreasonable.

What about vacations in Eretz Yisrael, pesach hotels, and expensive camps which hurt the parents ability to pay. He relates that he never went to camp (later he mentions he also went to public school) and that each summer was spent with a different aunt and uncle. He says if you can’t afford it, so you don’t spend, tuition comes first. [Compare the response to the Rav features in the Jewish Observer regarding tuition vs. camp].

What about cell phones, IPods, other narishkeit provided to children. Cut out these expenses and ask parents to pay.

What if the grandparents are paying for a Pesach Vacation, e.g.? Parents should refuse. Tell parents to give money as a donation to the Yeshiva.

Luxurious home? Not unreasonable to insist parents sell home and move to a smaller home. Why should Yeshiva be the first to loose?

Mentions a need for mentoring as many parents don’t know how to manage assets. He states we need to show people how to spend money properly. [OK, one comment. You have come to the right place :)].

The next part of the talk is about priorities in giving. The essence is that ayni ircha in your own city takes precedence and the precedence there is those to which you have a shaychus to, i.e. your own shuls, your own mikva, your own schools, your own poor.

He mentions that while the needs to aynaiim in Eretz Yisrael might be greater, e.g. need for shoes versus need for food, that when it comes to the Jewish schooling situation there is a danger parents might start pulling kids out and our needs are great and we need to take care of those who are close. Mentions that three-quarters of giving should remain local.

What about a Yeshiva that attracts students from outside your city, do you give scholarships to students outside? Here the important question is whether or not the outside students are forming a critical mass. If the students need help, they are ircha. If not, see to it you are supporting the local students.

What happens if someone has a neder to support organizations afar, not realizing they need to support the local students? They can take release the neder as there are overriding needs.

What about grandparents? Obligation to support local institutions, even if grandchildren are going to other schools. Your city first.

What about special needs? He mentions that it is unreasonable to expect a parent to take on a whole job just to support just one child and mentioned a special needs program that just raised tuition 30%. He states that we can’t force these children into public schools or they will loose their shmiras hamitzva and that although this is a very small percent of population, support is obligatory on the whole community.

Regarding Ma’aser Kesafim he mentions that although tuition is not ma'aser up to the amount of educating your own child, that one need not worry too much about ma'aser kesafim as the generally accepted opinion is that maaser kesafim is a minhag tov. He also mentions that pelnty of long married people have never given ma'aser kesafim and that those without can give shlishit ha’shekel according to what he can afford, i.e. a smaller amount. He also mentioned that one with a "normal parnasah" who can part with ma’aser kesafim should while those who can’t, can’t.
Shul membership is tzedakah as you can daven without membership, yes. Mikvah is a service fee and is not.

Are all needs of yeshiva are considered tzedakah? Yes, all the functions are important to help Yeshiva compete.

Should Yeshivas give a breakdown of expenses? He thinks it would calm parents down if this information was available and mentions there is little waste and that that spending is NOT why there is a tuition crisis.

What Rav Schachter believes the community needs to do:
Cut down on luxurious bar mitzvas and weddings. If you have money to "burn," make a smaller affair and give money to schools because they and choking.

Long term goal: Lower tuition. He state that the way to do this is to get more donations and that schools need to be run on donations and very minimal tuition. He states that assimilation and intermarriage can only be taken care of through more Jewish education.

From the Q and A session:
First question is something about charter schools. The Rabbi opposes public schools, but seems to leave the question of charter schools in the hands on a local Rabbinate.

Rabbi is asked why public school and an after school Torah program can't work? The Rav mentions he went to public school and was taught by his father. They lived too far from school and he couldn't go by trolley. He mentions that the generation was extremely committed and believes that today most people they will intermarry and totally assimilate. Goyim are much more welcoming today and the whole community will collapse.

Another person asks what is you have reached your limit (financially, I believe): Should you have more children and send others to public schools? He mentions that it is not right to keep having children if you can’t afford it and cracked a joke about idiots who make no living and have 17 children.

Another person asks what will become of yeshivot in Israel if 75% remains in town? The Rav replies that our own communities take precedence and says something about something about yeshivas in Israel with marble floors.

Another person asks what percent of the money that stays within the community, what percentage should go to schools and what to other needs? He says to ask this question of the local Rabbis who know the local situation.

Another person asks about schools that tell children their parents are not meetin the obligations? The Rabbi mentions his own children's schools did not do such and that parents should try to pay back when they can.

What about enacting takanot? The Rav mentions there have always been takanot throughout Jewish history and we should have some and that the chassidish still do make takanot.

The Rav is asked if schools should make physical expansions? He defers to local Rabbonomim to determine necessity.

When asked if Limudei Kodesh can be taught in the afternoon if it will save money, he says to do what works.

I believe the next questioner asked about whether or not parents with money put away should take a loss to pull money out for payment? He says a parent doesn't need to take a penalty and can pay later rather than take a penalty on a CD.

What about a communal tax? We are going to have no choice. We are going to have to lower tuition by relying on donations from wealthier Jews.

Those are my notes. Take the comments in any direction you want to. I'll come back to a few issues later, if time allows.

Pretending it Away Part III



A mother wrote Rebbitzen Jungreis in last week's Jewish Press Column looking for advice on how to cope with their new found financial status (husband's business is hurting badly and they lost a major sum of money on an investment they thought would be a "sure thing"). Like many, this family is large, has undertaken the responsibility to support grown children and a growing number of grandchildren, has another daughter in line expecting a wedding like the first and expecting to join the kollel world, and there are still younger children that they pay tuition and camp fees for.

The mother's biggest concern is how to break the news to the kids. She writes, "we have been trying to shield our children from learning how precarious our situation has become, but I don't know how long we can continue this charade," and "Of course they are aware that we have financial difficulties, but they have such confidence in their father that they are convinced that somehow, as in the past, their Tatty will pull them through." Pulling through seems to mean providing for the next as the first. The mother wants to know how to best break the news without causing stress and anxiety.

I think the first thing the parents need to do is come to a clear vision of what their priorities are and what they are not. It is obvious from the letter that the family has a number of priorities, which have yet to competing against each other (not sinking in this economy, marrying off their daughter in the style they married off the first one, paying for tuition and camp for the younger children, continuing to support the older daughter and her family, continuing to keep up expectations, in this case lavish mishloach manot). No matter what the financial situation is at any one time, it is important to have a clear vision of what the priorities are so that the family can come together and focus on those priorities, and let go of things that don't make the list (perhaps mishloach manot), while holding their head up high.

Next, it is important to part with misconceptions of what will be. For example, no matter what, there WILL be stress and anxiety and perhaps even anger and resentment. I think that after developing a vision, it is important to let go of the hope that everything will be hunky-dory. It won't be! There will be major adjustments, especially if the adult children don't make the top of the priority list and are set free with little preparation in this world.

Another idea that this family and other families will need to part with is that everything must be equal. In November 2008, I reviewed a small section of a book which makes the assertion that the larger the family, the bigger the chance that there will be financial inequalities between children. A good starting point to getting through the stress and anxiety is accepting this reality as truth. These inequalities extend back to Torah times. The resentment over inequality is also a reality of this world, or in the words of the Torah, "there is nothing is new under the sun."

Lastly, the parents need to tell the kids and let the older kids plan accordingly. Procrastination rarely makes things better. The parents should be reassuring that despite the challenge, there will be shelter and food. And the parents should let the kids be active participants in the challenge. Letting the kids have ownership in the challenge will help them feel empowered and less demoralized.

How these parents number these competing interests will of course be their own personal decision. As a community, we also face the same competing interests. Anyone want to put the competing interests in our own communities in order?