Adopting Some "Homeschooling" Skills

I want to address this particular comment from my previous post. I'm pasting the comment in full, but I only will be expanding on the first part of the question, "developing a skill set":
SL, you suggest that the parents should be "developing the skills that are keeping them from seeing the possibility in homeschooling." While homeschooling is great for some and some parents are terrific at it, this not something that everyone can simply develop a skill set in. Parents who are not cut out for home schooling would be doing their kids a great disservice. Have we come to the point where we believe kids are better off home schooled just to keep them away from the goyin, even if it means a lousy education, rather than use some of the wonderful free public schools that are available either where you live or simply by moving a short distance? If you are a great teacher and your kids are suited for homeschooling, then go for it, but it is not something that every parent should be considering. . . .

My comments: I wasn't so clear in my comment as I was hinting to a larger phenomenon that I see all the time.

I see a tremendous amount of money being spent on care even where parents are available, to say nothing of communal resources (think chessed babysitting hours provided by teenage girls, as well as actual donations ). The biggest expense is summer camp. Whether it is sleep away camp, day camp, or backyard camps, it is rare even for parents who are home to forgo outside care. Then there is after-after care. Many parents hire help for the after-school hours, often advertising for someone to assist them with homework and bedtime. There are groups on yom tov and Shabbat, but no matter the set up, they are rarely manned by parents, most often teenage girls working on a paid or volunteer basis. Break is coming and for some children (with a parent who is also on break), this means more camp. It is also rare for a pre-kindgergarten student to go to pre-school a half day. Nearly all are children are in school a full day.

From what I hear and read, many parents struggle tremendously when they have their children home even for a small school break. And, that is where I think we all need to start and build more "homeschooling" skills regardless of whether or not we ever homeschool. On a purely financial basis, there are tremendous savings to be able to care for all our children when we are available, rather than outsource that care. Beyond the finances of it all, I think it is important to give quantity of time to our children. Furthermore, I think it is important for our children to have the consistency of care that can best be offered by a parent. While I sometimes like my children to go to a Shabbat group or the like, I have sat in and witnessed that the leaders lack authority and that the kids lack the consistency that they should have in their regular home and school environments. I just don't see the benefit of bouncing between school, home, multiple caregivers, multiple summer camp and other care environments.

I'm going to introduce a few of my own tricks of the trade for managing my own crew and I hope readers will add some of their own tips and successes to keep the series active. Apologies if my tips are so obvious that I'm spilling virtual ink by even sharing them:

1. Get down on the floor: My kids want attention (lots of it!). But, there is just so much to be done. In many homes, laundry is the nemesis. There is just so much of it and the pile never stops growing.

When I work on a task like laundry, regardless of the participation that day of my kids, I try to sit on the floor. While sorting, folding, hanging, I am able to provide an increased level of attention to a child. I can read a story book, or just watch a child color. Playing a game is tough, but doable too.

2. Regroup: When the behavior is going south, or about to go south, regroup. Have everyone put away what they are doing, take a breather on different chairs or couches, and then start anew. If the kids need to go back to their bedroom and come out again, try that.

3. Assign a Task: My friends complain that their children are "bored." I can't say that this is something I have personal experience with. But, when I do find that my kids are being unproductive or that they seem to be aimless, I sometimes just assign (not suggest, but actually sit them down with the new assigned task) the "bored" kid something to do. It might be a specific chore, a specific academic task or book to read, or it might be giving them an overlooked toy to play with.

4. Managing the Environment: I find that when I am disorganized or the home is disorganized, the kids become less manageable. I make it a high priority to keep this home in good shape. Some of my friends take a different viewpoint and I've had many discussions about sticky countertops and happy children, the thought being that the kids should just have fun and the mess can be cleaned up when they are back in school (which falls far too close to Rosh Hashana to add massive deep cleaning into the routinue, imo). Personally I believe that respect for our home and our things is a value right from the Torah itself. Things should be put in their place. Toys should be returned with all the pieces in tact. And items must be cared for.

The bottom line for me is that when the home is neat and organized, I'm a better parent and a better person and the kids function better. If the home is in disarray, so are our attitudes.

5. Lists: I tend to organize in my head, but I am increasingly finding that physical lists on the wall are key to communicating the expectations and schedules. Investing in the right system of cork boards, whiteboards, markers, dry or wet erase markers, is worthwhile.

Please share your tips for managing your children for those long stretches.

Guest Post: Grow a Garden, Eat Healthy, Save Money

by Zach

Whether or not you believe in global warming, and how the current production of produce worsens the problem, I'm sure we can all agree that tomatoes and other vegetables do not naturally grow in plastic wrap. I'm sure most of you are also tired of buying tomatoes, peppers, or other vegetables weeks in advance of when you may actually need them while they slowly ripen. Lastly, I'm sure all of you do not want to continue to ingest the pesticides that other fruits and vegetables are doused in every day. Its debatable of the actual dangers of these chemicals, but even if they're ok, (which I doubt) I'd rather not have them anywhere near my food.

So how do we solve these problems. Well, a home vegetable garden is something that I started last year and really enjoyed throughout the summer. Its a slow process, it takes about 2 ½ – 3 months for the first fruits, but a very rewarding one. I guess I'll just give a brief summary of my experience last summer and if anyone has any questions about specifics, they can email me.

After I read Al Gore's “An Inconvenient Truth”, I felt inspired to single handedly save the world. But I'm only in college and couldn't afford a hybrid car, so I thought that a vegetable garden would help. I had a patch of soil 4 feet wide and 30 feet long, so I chose 5 crops and gave them 6 feet a piece: Corn, Butternut Squash, Tomatoes, Peppers, and Strawberries. You can buy seeds at Home Depot, Christmas Tree Shop, or your local guy (Herolds Farm here in Fair Lawn). You may need to add some nutrient rich soil, but I didn't and everything worked out pretty well. I started planting after Passover last year in mid-April, and within about 3 weeks there was already some signs of life.

After that initial joy of the first seedlings, things get kinda boring for the next 6-8 weeks as the plants continue to slowly grow a little every day. The corn was the most fun to watch though; I left for shul in the morning one Shabbos and they must have grown 4 inches by the time I got back a few hours later. But for the most part, if you water a couple times of week, the plants will continue to grow and strengthen as they prepare to bloom.

In late June/early July (depending on when you start), you'll finally be able to enjoy the first fruits. From here on out its really just about watering every other day and harvesting your fruits whenever they are ripe. I usually waited to do this until friday afternoon (when I had some free time) and we had enough tomatoes to last the entire week.

Here is a breakdown of how each plant grew last year. My numbers are a little rusty as I'm doing it from memory.

Corn: Worked great, the stalks grew about 6 feet tall and produced two ears per stalk. We harvested maybe a couple but then I came home one afternoon to find that squirrels had devoured the rest of them. It was fun while it lasted. Hopefully you'll have better luck.

Strawberries: Didn't grow at all. I hear they are very hard to grow from seeds, but you might be able to buy the plants themselves.

Butternut Squash: Grew very well, we got maybe a dozen or so squashes (squashi?) from just one plant. It grows all over the place though so you might want to trellice it on a fence. All squash grow similar (zuchini, yellow squash, acorn, pumpkins...) so I'm assuming that they'll all grow wonderfully in this area.

Peppers: Came in very late and only produced a couple peppers. I have a feeling we didn't do something right so maybe they'll work better this year. There are so many varieties to choose from so plant all different varieties of colors and spiciness.

Tomatoes: This was the best by far. I think we got on average a Quart of the little yellow plum tomatoes every week. I was even able to give quite a bit to some friends. They can get very tall depending on what type you buy, so you may need to stake them, or cage them, or they'll just flop over. Thats not so bad (it happened to me) but it doesn't look so nice and can get kind of messy. This year, I'm going to try and do 3 different types of tomatoes so I'll have much more variety.

Anyways, thats pretty much it from last year. I had a great time doing it, and the harvesting was the most fun of all. Its a great way to get the kids involved as well, and they can definitely help out. For the most part, you can keep your prices very low (I only bought seeds for like 3$ a pack) but if you want to keep things neat, you may need to spend some money on cages/stakes/fertilizer/ or gardening tools if you don't have them already. I was lucky and already had them.

I'll just mention the economic benefits as well, because I know this blog tries to help out in that department. I can't say that it saved my family that much money but we probably got like 30$ or something out of the process. Then again, I had no idea what I was doing last year and was so thankful it actually worked. If you do thing right, I've read that you can grow as much as $2000 worth of produce in a 20 by 20 foot area. That seems like a ton of money from just a garden, but I guess it depends on how big your weekly grocery budget is. I think in reality, if you do things correct, you can probably grow about $500 worth of food, but even if that doesn't happen I guarantee it is one of the most fun and rewarding experiences.

This year, we are going a little crazy and are growing lettuce, carrots, onions, hot peppers, cucumbers, eggplant, 3 types of tomatoes, corn, and maybe more. If anyone is interested I can keep them updated on how it goes, so post some comments!! I don't think this will pay for your school tuition (unless you go to a CUNY school) but it could help.

Again, if you need any specific help or advice on how to grow specific plants feel free to email me at countzacky@yahoo.com I'm not an expert, but I've done a ton of research so I'd be glad to help.

Best of luck to all.

Resources: Great Pesach List and Past Pesach Money Saving Tips

This is a helpful Pesach list showing what products need special Pesach certification and which don't. What makes it really great? Two columns, Ashkenazic and Sephardic (starting on p. 11). What else is great? Kashering methods starting on p. 18, also divided by A and S.

The tip to know your products is mentioned in nearly every Pesach on a Budget guide. Now that I have reorganized my pantry, I'm doing two things: 1. Pulling out canned goods that are taking up space and forcing their use and 2. Pulling out products I can use for Pesach and washing them off so I'm certain they are clean for Pesach.

Here are all the Pesach on a Budget posts from Orthonomics.

Making a Budget Pesach

Five More Money Saving Pesach Tips

My Post-Peasch To-Do List

Ask Orthonomics: Reader Seeks More Tips on Lowering Pesach Costs

Guest Post by Susie Sharf: How to Shop for Passover on a Budget, Part 3

And some cultural commentary with an economic component:

From Free Man to Slave: Avadim Hayin L'Mastercard B'Americ

Echad Chacham. . . . Echad Helpless Loser

Guest Post: How to Shop for Passover on a Budget, Part 3

By Susie Sharf of Cheapskate

Some of you may have landed here because you've been following my How to Shop for Passover on a Budget series on Kosher on a Budget, here and here. I hope you've found this information useful and have already saved some money. So far in this series, I've been trying to apply some common sense frugal principles to Passover shopping. Just to sum up what we've talked about:

1. Make a master Pesach year-to-year list. Mine is here.
2. It's only eight days. You can do without.
3. Arm yourself with a solid knowledge of Pesach-related halacha.
4. Pesach shopping starts now. Actually, yesterday.
5. Go back to basics.
6. Invest in long-term items instead of throwing out money on short-term items. Think future.
7. Reach out to your friends and community and share/pool resources.

So, now that we've got the principles down, I'm just going to toss out a few assorted tips, coupons and deals that will help you save money on Passover essentials, like matzoh, and incidentals, like tea.

Matzoh:

• Keep your eyes peeled for those buy-$50-worth-of-groceries-get-5-lbs.-of-matzoh-free deals that pop up every year at the major supermarket chains. Have in mind that they tend to happen very close to Pesach and you might want to get your shopping done sooner.


• Here's a $2/1 coupon for a 5 lb. package Streit's matzoh. (Please note, even though this coupon is from a ShopRite circular, it is a legitimate manufacturer's coupon and should work in any store. I printed and clipped it and used it at a Denver Safeway without a problem.)

Fish:

• If you'd like to serve fish on Pesach but don't like the idea of shelling out $7-$8 for each roll of KLP (Kosher la'Pesach) gefilte, here's an fyi for you: Kirkland Atlantic Salmon Frozen fillets and Kirkland Frozen Steelhead Trout, both bearing an OU for year-round use, are also KLP, according to the OU. This is the Costco brand of frozen fish and it is great quality. These are all skinless, boneless, center-cut (no waste), individually wrapped fillets. The trout is slightly cheaper than the salmon, and tastes just as good; I substitute it in recipes calling for salmon all the time. One fillet=2 appetizer-sized portions and there are usually 7 fillets in each bag. Costco fish works really well in this great Pesach recipe, which is a staple in our home.


• Gefilte fish a must for Pesach? Try sending for these A&B gefilte fish coupons, with this caveat: when I requested them a while back, they arrived about three weeks later, but I've gotten numerous reports from readers that they never received them.

Appliances and housewares:

Although this goes against my usual buyer's instincts, I don't buy top-of-the-line appliances and housewares for Pesach; I prefer to save those for year-round use. Remember, Pesach is only eight days. That means that, even factoring in the extra guests you'll have, the wear and tear on your Pesach kitchen stuff will be a fraction of the amount that you put on your non-Passover items. While you don't want to get really cheap, low-quality items, it's perfectly ok to buy 18/0 silverware instead of 18/10, or Pfaltzgraff instead of Lennox, or Farberware instead of Calphalon. As the years progress, your needs will evolve, your tastes will change, you might want to upgrade or maybe you'll just grow tired of what you have, and knowing you haven't spent a fortune on an item that you've barely used will make changing it out a little easier. You might think this is in conflict with my recommendation that you "invest in long-term items instead of throwing out money on short-term items," but it's not. I'm suggesting a balance between building up a cache of housewares that will help you save money for many Pesachs to come, but without investing in top-of-the-line products.

Cleansers, detergents, counterware, paper goods etc.:

We're often so focused on the expense of Pesach food, that we forget how much we spend on cleansers for The Big Clean. I recall going through an entire large bottle of Purex in just three days last year, when my washer was going non-stop the week before Pesach. Unless I find a fabulous sale paired with a high value manufacturer's coupon stacked with a store coupon, or a great online deal, I tend to buy most of my cleansers at the dollar store. Yes, the dollar store.

Here's a little factoid that was news to me this year: many dollar stores, especially the large chains, will accept manufacturer's coupons along with their own store coupons. Family Dollar in Denver accepts manufacturer's coupons, and when you stack them with their store coupons and very low prices on brand names, many of the cleansers I buy there come out to near-free. You can also get brand-name Passover sponges, dishracks, and placemats there for a song. Most of their prices on paper goods rival those of even Costco.

KLP Herbal tea:

Many stores raise the prices on Wissotzky Tea (which is the KLP herbal tea standard) to $4 or $5 per box before Pesach. Instead, go to Walmart or Target or any supermarket and pick up one of the KLP versions of Bigelow Tea, a national brand that goes for around $1.50-$2/box and is excellent quality tea. We drink it year-round. If you prefer to buy it online, here's a link to 6 boxes of my personal favorite, Plantation Mint, on Amazon for $12.38 (Subscribe & Save price, with free shipping=$2.06/box). Bigelow's KLP hechsher is from KofK. Each year, I pool together an assortment of Bigelow KLP flavors in a lined basket, which makes for a nice change from the usual Wissotzky tea box.

Stuff for the kids:

What would a Passover seder be for the kiddies without a table littered with frogs? Get 12 dozen of these pretty cute frogs at Oriental Trading for $4.99 plus $6.99 shipping. Oriental Trading has a ton of fun things in bulk for children, so if you get together with a few other families and pool your merchandise order so that it's over $49, you can get free shipping with promo code RT1135200. (You can also get 4% cash back if you click through their Shop at Home link first.)

Pets:

Click here and look at page 35 for a list of the CRC's recommended Passover food for pets. Over the years, we've been buying our little beagle Science Diet, which is one of the recommended dog foods again this year. Click here to download some high value coupons for Science Diet pet food. Click here for a $7/1 coupon for Prescription Diet. Click here for a $2/4 cans coupon for Evanger's pet food.

There are no dog treats that are recommended for Passover (almost all contain some form of chometz), so here's a low cost solution: when you're clearing the table after a meal, pile everyone's leftover soup and gravy into one plastic bowl. Soak 2 pieces of plain matzoh in it overnight. Break up the matzohs and either let them dry out or give them to your dog the way they are. Instant dog treats, for the negligible cost of two sheets of matzoh. Dogs love matzoh!

My most sincere thanks to the Academy my hostesses, the proprietors of Orthonomics and Kosher on Budget, both excellent blogs that address the economic challenges unique to the global religious Jewish community. As we get closer to Pesach, please check back on my blog, Cheapskate, for more Pesach money-saving tips.

Please share some of your frugal Pesach suggestions in the comments below.

A Blog After My Own Heart: Kosher on a Budget

Hat Tip: A reader

A reader pointed me to a new blog, Kosher on a Budget: Live fruitfully without multiplying your budget. The blog has a beautiful and inviting layout, is well written, and has something for everyone.

I'm enjoying taking a look around. Particularly inspiring is Mara's Jewish Dave Ramsey Story. The writer's family managed to pay of $30,000 in debt in 6 months through a combination of expense cutting and selling stuff. Following that, the family built an emergency fund. Now the rest of the journey continues. She was initially shy to take advice from an evangelical Christian, but what works, works! (My own commentary: the biblical principals that Dave preaches are mostly found in my own handy-dandy Tanach, particularly Mishlei and Tehillim).

The blog is a great resource. If you like to coupon shop, she is doing the work for you by posting up the great drug and grocery store deals, amongst others. If you are interested in kosher, frugal cooking, there are recipes, all of which appear to be simple, quick, and family friendly.

Something I find exciting is the one month menu plan. While I tend to shy away from long term menu planning--my preference is to plan a one week menu around inexpensive produce, with recurring themes based on the night of the week so the kids know what to expect--I find the idea of a one month plan very intriguing. I also like the tips on doubling and freezing. While the frugal amongst us might argue if menu planning saves money, it is so important to find something that is practical. Perhaps I will give a one month plan a trial run during one of my busiest seasons, especially since Mara's blog provides a usable format. I don't believe in reinventing the wheel, so it is fun to discover a kosher, frugal blogger (with a frugal and practical Shabbat and Chagim section) who is happy to share.

One other thing: I have yet to publish some of my commentary on frugality blogs and books. In short, I find that many frugal resources, from books to blogs, are beyond intimidating, and not just to the newly thrifty. While I do read some frugality resources that lean towards the extremes, and sometimes even adopt ideas I was initially resistant too, I would define my brand of frugality as "middle income." Mara's money saving tips don't throw 7-11 convenience to the wind. Nor, is she a minimalist. In fact, we happen to share a love of plastic organizing boxes as mentioned in one post! While there are a lot of great resources out there, I think this resource will prove relevant to the greatest number of readers.

What a great resource! Highly recommended.

Guest Post: Food Processors and Pesach Cooking and Recipes

This is a guest post by Hannah Katsman, who blogs at A Mother in Israel and CookingManager.Com.

A food processor uses electricity, requires washing and takes up storage space. Each family has to decide whether it's worth the expense. But you may find that it pays for itself via savings on prepared products.

This post contains three parts: Choosing a Food Processor, Pesach Cooking Tips (that will serve you year-round), and Passover Recipes and Food Processor Tips from my websites.
Choosing a Food Processor:

What size should I buy? For salads and kugels, a large bowl is less important because you can process the food in batches and transfer to a larger bowl for mixing. But you will need a full-size machine for cakes, or if you have a growing family. Buy as good quality as you can afford, but keep in mind that a very strong motor is most important for kneading dough. A larger size does not mean a stronger motor, just more storage capacity.

Features: The best food processors place the bowl directly on top of the motor. Motors found on the side are connected by a rubber belt that can break from time to time.

A good food processor needs only three settings: Off, On and Pulse. You control the fineness by turning the machine off and on at intervals. A quality machine will be dishwasher safe.

See more buying tips here: Food Processor Basics

Pesach Food Processor Tips:

Horseradish: Easy! Peel, cut in chunks, and process with the S-shaped steel knife. Don't add vinegar or your blade could corrode. Add cooked beets after the seder to make gefilte fish sauce. You'll be tempted to throw out your grater but I keep it on hand in case of emergency.My son pointed out that a knife also works.

Haroseth: Place nuts in bowl and chop coarsely with a steel knife. Add the rest of the ingredients and process until you get the texture you like.

Nuts, fresh herbs including parsley, and garlic: Start with a dry bowl and process as much as you need for that day's cooking. Nuts, including with shells, should always be stored in the freezer.
Store herbs and garlic in olive oil to last longer.

Onions: Peel and cut in quarters, then chop with the steel knife.

Salads: All food processors have a grating attachment. To use it, you push vegetables through the feed tube. Keep a cardboard cutout of the feed tube opening in your purse to buy the right size produce. But you can use the steel knife for most recipes calling for grated vegetables.

Meat, Fish, and Matzah Meal: Save money by chopping it yourself in the processor.

Matzah Balls/Knaidlach. You can get by with a spoon and bowl, but you can also process it if your recipe doesn't call for separating eggs. Matzah ball mixes have lots of additives and don't save you much work.

Potatoes: Grate raw potatoes with the grating attachment or steel knife, but don't make mashed potatoes in the processor. Sometimes I use it for potato salad. I chop everything but the potatoes and store in the fridge. Then I add the chopped, cooked potatoes and dressing closer to serving time.

Cleaning: Rinse the processor with plain water after processing vegetables and raw eggs. Make sure to get all the surfaces by tilting it; no need to fill the bowl with water. At the end of the day or for greasy items, use hot water and detergent, or the dishwasher.

Here are a few recipes and tips from my websites:
Passover Recipes:
Gefilte Fish Balls
Homemade Mayonnaise
Passover Egg Noodles
Potato Kugel or Latkes (includes detailed FP instructions)
Summer Beet Borscht
How to Make Patties from Anything and Everything
Carrot-Apple Salad
Winter Kohlrabi (or Cabbage) Salad
Red Snapper with Lemon and Dill
Chicken with Black Olives and Tomatoes

More Tips and Techniques from CookingManager.Com:
Five Basic Recipes for the Food Processor
Use Your Food Processor Efficiently
Food Processor Basics
The Bar Mitzvah Cooking Session
Preparing for a Holiday Cooking Session
Cooking Spreadsheet

Note: I hope you will visit my websites. CookingManager.Com is meant for a general audience so please save comments with Hebrew terms and halachic questions for A Mother in Israel. Those of you on Facebook are invited to join the Cooking Manager Fan Page.

Purim Frugality

Since it is that time of the year again (yes, once again I'm behind on mishloach manot), I thought I'd share a few of my own frugality tips while the cookies bake. My kids are funny, they live with the chagim year round, unlike their mother who is thinking, is [insert holiday] really coming?

The day of Purim is when I start thinking about summer and next Purim. All of those packages are art projects in the making. Crafts aren't my strength, but Purim usually leaves us with enough stuff to make some craft projects. I nab the clean plates, tissue paper, and whatever other items look like they could be reused for an art project.

We are always grateful to our friends who bring us mishloach manot in a snack box. My kids each have their own box in the pantry for keeping the snacks they pick up here and there. Boxes get worn out, so Purim has become the time that we replace our boxes where feasible. Any plastic containers and baskets I keep for organizing my own kitchen and pantry.

Purim bags and containers are placed in a box for upcoming Purims. While I tend to package our mishloach manot in a somewhat uniform way, the bags and boxes I'm able to salvage are wonderful for the children to make some packages for their own friends.

We split up fresh baked goods for lunches and snacks. Unwanted candies are great for the candy dish at work, but it has been a while since I have worked in a regular office. When I taught Sunday school, I used to bring treats for the kids. Since we sell chametz, I try to save the majority of the packaged snacks and juice boxes for our summer outings. Any kosher l'pesach items are rinsed and put away with our Pesach things to make their reappearance later. My kids like to pour their own grape juice, so if we receive mini grape juice containers, I put them away for the kids to make their own kiddush. They can be refilled easily.

Speaking of summer, this summer I'd like to try and make our Purim packaging in way in advance. The first half of the year is the most busy for me work wise and every year I find myself rushing to get the baking done. The kids are always excited to color the packages, but they don't have the attention span to sit down and get the job done. So, I'm considering getting a start in the summer and having the kids to a little bit by bit. Upper West Side Mom has a neat packaging project up. I don't drink coffee, but I think we can find something usable and get a head start this summer.

If you have any great Purim tips, please share. And a Happy Purim to all my great readers. We all know what chag is coming next, even if we are still in denial. Guest posts on Orthonomic Pesach subjects are always welcome.

What Are Educators Saying About the Tuition Crisis? Part I


I was curious what educators might, or might not, be saying about the tuition issues facing schools and families today. So I headed over to Lookjed, a forum for Jewish educators. The subject of the proposed "no frills" school had come up, and it appears that not one educator thought that the idea was actually one that could be put into practice successfully. Reading the comments was interesting because it allowed me, as a parent, to look inside the mind of administrators/educators.

I picked out the following two posts from Rabbi Teitz of JEC in Elizabeth, NJ because I found them the most interesting/revealing. The first reads as a conversation between administration and parents. The second is the same administrator speaking from the perspective of staff. I will post that one shortly after I post this first comment. I have put a small number of comments in orange.

Post 1
Allow me to put the matter into very specific terms.

In my school we have around 900 students, preK-12. Our salary budget is around $10,000,000, or about 83% of our $12,000,000 budget. [Per student cost: approx. $13,333. Website gives no information that I can find on tuition schedules at JEC (Elizabeth, NJ).]

An across-the-board 3% increase in salary, which is hardly huge, translates into $300,000+ additional expense (the extra is the 7.65% FICA and Medicare tax, about $23,000, which is a hidden factor but adds up).

Assuming a balanced budget (and even if not balanced, the cash flow must be maintained), we need to find another ~$325,000 to cover the raise. [I believe a balanced budget is the only way to maintain cash flow unless there are significant reserves or taking on debt is a consideration].

Dividing that out over the 900 students means raising tuition by $360 per student. Factor in scholarships (and 20% scholarship is also not unheard of) and the real increase has to approach $450 per student. [I think that more than 1/2 the tuition issue can be summed up right here. Those who can carry are being asked to carry more and more. But, eventually some of those parents need carried too].

And this is just to give the teachers a 3% raise. [I'm a bit confused why a potential across-the-board raise is being discussed while the average parental income is falling].

We're not factoring in overhead, programs, etc. Cutting programs is enticing, as it can be lead to cutting staff positions. But as others have mentioned, do we cut our social worker or learning lab staff? The reality is that school staffs are significantly larger than they were even a decade or two ago. We hope that the additional staff improves our product. I would not risk cutting the programs to find out.

One suggestion that I heard was to not give across the board raises. There are certainly staff members, teachers and administrators, who are earning well above what our parents earn, especially when looked at on an hourly basis. Does everyone need an annual increase? While this is not as difficult a matter as merit pay, which has yet to find a way to judge the full value of a teacher's input into the growth of a student, one has to wonder how we would decide who needs the money most. Do we ask staff to justify their need for a raise, as we ask parents to justify their need for a scholarship? I'm sure many parents would see poetic justice in that arrangement - having teachers submit their income and expenses to a group of parents for them to divide the fixed pot of tuition dollars allocated to salaries. [Wages are normally set by the market, not by the "needs" of the employee. Merit pay is something difficult to determine in the education sector. But if pay is being set by an employee's needs, and in some Jewish organizations I believe it is, then it is no wonder that salaries are taking up more and more of the budget.]I'm sure there are some members of our staffs where only one spouse works. When looking at parental scholarship requests, we ask parents in similar situations why they expect the school to carry the burden of supporting such a life style; we expect that, barring exceptional situations, both parents will be gainfully employed. Parents can justifiably turn that back on us and our assumptions of fair salaries and the number of wage earners in a family. [Homemaking is really getting a bad rap lately. I guess it is an easy target].

One answer given to this challenge is to increase outside funding. That is easier said than done. Many donors are moving away from general donations, preferring targeted giving to specific programs. While this is wonderful for gaining gifts of equipment that are beyond our reach (could we really afford smartboards for all our classrooms at $4000-5000 a pop?), it does nothing to help the bottom line. And there is not an endless supply of outside donors either. Many of the biggest givers are hit up by a growing number of institutions, so that even if actual giving goes up, each school gets a smaller piece of the pie. [To say nothing of the growing number of institutions].

Finding new donors is like searching for a needle in a haystack. If someone has enough money for a big gift, chances are others know about the person as well, or will in short order. And the really big gift takes years to cultivate; it is rare to get a letter in the mail from a lawyer with a multi-million dollar check from an unknown donor's estate. The larger the gift, the longer the development time, the more opportunity others have to approach the donor as well.

PEJE has tried to nudge schools into sharing costs where possible. I think that statistics bear out that most day schools have less than 100 students. Schools such as these might be able to find ways of sharing certain back office expenses: does each school need an executive director? can schools share office staff? But mid-size and larger schools have more than enough to maintain full-time executive directors, controllers, maintenance managers, technologists, and social workers. Joining with other schools just doesn't work. [I really don't think sharing resources should be dismissed as impossible. It would be nice is the suggestion of PEJE was at least given a fair trial in a pilot program. Many companies outsource certain functions because taking care of them in-house is far too pricey. At least in smaller (public) school districts, certain administrators/employees are shared by numerous schools].

The only real way to stop the inexorable creep of salaries is to cap them. That way we know that there is a maximum salary load that we will achieve, within reason. This does not address newly created positions to address student needs. But schools will set different caps, or they will lure away a prized teacher by making a salary cap exception. I am gaining a stronger appreciation for professional sports owners and their problems with run-away salaries. And our salaries are hardly exorbitant. Do we go to a system where we declare "franchise" teachers and any school poaching one has to pay a penalty or open its protected teachers to being approached by other schools in return? And how do we balance less affluent schools against the more affluent? And how do we decide on a cap- a per hour rate? What about positions that are harder to fill? Is there one rate for language arts teachers and another for science teachers? Do limudei kodesh teachers get a preferential rate? [Perhaps this is where combining resources can help. Salary ranges could be set in a "district," rather than in individual schools. As I understand, salaries have been driven up by the competition for prized staff.]

Reality also has to play a role. In searching for a new principal over the past few years, I was struck that a thirty-something applicant, without any experience as a principal, only some limited work as an assistant principal, expected to earn over $175,000 in salary and benefits.
Where does that leave a school moving forward? And the number of teachers we all have that are approaching or who have surpassed $100,000 annual salaries is increasing. [Perhaps promoting from within at lesser salaries, rather than trying to recruit principals from the outside that demand incredible salaries, despite inexperience, is a route that should be pursued. Who better to understand the inner workings of a school, the needs of the students, and the expectations of the parents body that someone who has already been in the trenches?]. In the real world, those salaries are not common. [Hear, hear!]

I am not advocating for salary caps. I am just at a loss looking to the future for a way to continue to make ends meet. The real world work force does not have automatic annual increases. They do not have a 10-month a year job structure. There is increased expectation that jobs are not 9 - 5 any more. People stay at work until the job is done, no matter how late it gets. And they give up weekends when needed. And there is no extra compensation for work that has to be taken home to be completed. And vacation days get eaten up by the chaggim. These are, increasingly, the realities faced by our parent body. And these have been the reasons we have given for justifying our salaries (teaching is more than just classroom time, we do research and prepare over the summer, etc.).

Charter schools, after-school programs and no-frills schools are not the answer. The first two will wilt as soon as final exams and other high stakes tests are encountered. Do we really expect the same effort from students who are in a program that does not affect their GPA when the SAT is a month away? We need to be realistic. No-frills schools have other, external costs, as has been discussed already. The system we have is the one with which we must work.

We need to be much more sensitive to parental fears. The current financial crisis has actually given us that opportunity. Cutting costs where possible, holding staff salaries in place, making a serious drive to increase gifts from donors, and a minimal increase in tuition shows that we are looking to spread the burden across all stakeholder groups. That worked this year.

My real worry is what to do if next year is equally economically dismal. Where will we cut then? I have no answer.

Not for 2010-11. Not for further down the line. [It is obvious to me that day schools don't really view themselves as part of a free market system, despite being funded directly through fees, rather than through taxes. If those running schools in this environment did relate to the free market, I believe they would be looking try new ideas.]

Eliyahu Teitz

Not Mutually Exclusive

A reader kindly pointed out an article that appeared in Mishpacha magazine which looked primarily at the challenges of regular cleaning help (having a non-Jew as a member of a Jewish household, being a good employer, payroll legalities, when kids get too used to the amenity, and more). I guess the article was biased towards cleaning help, noting a famous Rebbitzen who talked about trading in fancier dinners for more tuna and cleaning help. For many, there is no such calculation.

In the sidebar, the author writes a little history of household help titled "How Maids Became the Rule, Not the Exception." The truth of the matter is, yes, cleaning help has become a very marketable service in the United States, as evidenced by the many cleaning agencies that one can locate in the yellow pages. But regular cleaning help is still the exception, not the rule across the USA. I wish I could find the footnote in a book I read about spending habits in the United States where it noted that homes employing cleaning help had doubled between the late 70's and late 90's. The percentage of middle income to upper income households employing regular cleaning help is still somewhere around 15%. Of course, if you live in the frum community, it would be easy to believe that cleaning help is the rule, rather than the exception, because within the frum community that is largely true.

The part of the article I wanted to concentrate on is this:

Every Jewish woman has to keep in mind her natural inclinations and her priorities. Most rabbanim will insist that a Jewish mother’s primary tafkid is not housecleaning,not even cooking, but the chinuch of her children. If our children are well-cared for and given the proper love and Torah guidance, then it doesn’t really matter whether the kitchen floor is washed by Mom, by Dad, or by an immigrant from Guatemala. Cleaning the house is a relatively low-skilled job that many different people could do, but Jewish motherhood requires a large measure of seichel and love that are not easily replaced.

Perhaps it is because I lack *paid* cleaning help, but I do not view chinuch and cooking/cleaning as separate realms in which if I am doing one, I can't be doing another. Granted, one's work schedule certainly plays into the equation. Not only do I believe that I can both parent and cook/clean at the same time while enhancing the chinuch my children receive, but I believe that engaging in some cooking and cleaning with them around and/or participate is part of being mechanech them. Perhaps the most important lessons they will learn are that of caring for belongings and that sometimes things just need to get done. (This, of course, is not to say one has to do all of the cooking/cleaning to be mechanech, just to point out that they need not be viewed as separate realms, one detracting from the other).

I have run into many children over the years (and a handful of adults too) that have no idea how to perform basic tasks. The author seemed to be dismissive of the skills involved in cleaning writing that "[cleaning is a] relatively low-skilled job that many different people could do" as she compares cleaning to Jewish parenting. But is cleaning really something "anyone" can do? Well, yes, with the proper training. Few parents would say the same of learning handwriting, i.e. anyone can do it. We recognize that the brain needs training in this area and we recognize that the fine motor skills necessary for writing need to be developed, preferably in the younger years. Same goes for cleaning. There are fine and gross motor skills that need developed, as well as certain brain functions. And, yes, not everyone has developed those skills adequately.

By no means do a mother, father, and children need to do all of their own cleaning at all times. However, chazal tells us that we need to ensure our children have the life skills they need. Basic cleaning and cooking should be part of the chinuch we provide our children, and we should not be dismissive thinking "anyone" can do it, because, well, I've seen plenty of grown adults who can't do it!*

*I'm reminded of a neighbor who called me on a Friday noon desperate to borrow my non-existent cleaning lady, as her cleaning lady was sick that day. I informed her that I didn't have a cleaning lady, but was more than happy to give her a hand (Note: her husband was a student and she only worked about 10 hours a week. They had no kids at this point). She wouldn't allow me to come up and lend a hand, but was rather amazed that I either knew how to clean and/or was willing to do the job, saying "you clean your own bathroom." Personally, I wish she would have accepted my help. I can't think of a much bigger chesed than helping an adult become more fully functional.

Another False Homeschooling Assumption

The imamother thread on "The High Cost of Jewish Education and [limiting] size of family" went into a discussion on aliyah and homeschooling. One mother states "Homeschooling is a big expense, it means giving up an extra salary." Well, I'm NOT here to argue about accounting of homeschooling and lost opportunity cost vs. paying private schooling tuitions. Every family is welcome to make their own accounting if they have an interest in alternatives to private education. An naturally cost is only one part of the equation. Needs and personalities of parents and children are other large parts of the equation.

But, I do think it necessary to point out the misconception that a parent cannot earn an income and homeschool at the same time. Yes, it is true that most homeschooling families include a self-identified "homemaker," which may or may not mean translate into "income free" as many a homeschool teacher also operates a small home business. But there is also a growing contingent of dual income homeschooling families in which the primary teacher (usually the mother) is also employed in the professions.

I'm kicking myself because I'm unable to locate a Wall Street Journal article that my husband generously clipped for me a couple of years ago thinking it might be of interest for the blog (can't locate it online either). This article featured the feat an increasing number of dual income families are taking on: simultaneously homeschooling their child(ren). These families were not driven to homeschooling out of any particular ideology except their drive to provide their children with a high quality education that they had concluded could be provided best in the home. Somehow these families found that they were both able to instruct their (generally independent) child(ren) while working side-by-side them on their own paid employment through telecommuting and flexible scheduling opportunities. I did note that both parents generally shared the responsibility of instruction and I don't recall a mention of pre-school aged children in the home either. These were not stereotypical homeschooling families (strongly Christian, often residing in small town or rural areas, numerous children, traditional gender roles), but rather "modern," cosmopolitan, an at least somewhat egalitarian families. The article provided an interesting window into a growing contingent of homeschooling families that few would expect exist.

Trivia Question for all the Sports Fans Reading my Blog (don't click on the following link before making your guess): Which famous NFL star was homeschooled during his high school years? (Yes, apparently you can homeschool and still participate in a public school sports league, another interesting dimension in the continuing exploration of homeschooling).

While I was unable to find the Wall Street Journal article, I did find an informative article from the CATO institute on homeschooling that contained a lot of interesting history, subject matter and even statistics on homeschooling families, as well as confirmed that there are different contingents of homeschoolers.

• A few interesting stats from March 1997 study by the Home School Legal Defense Association, "Home Education across the United States," which is sighted about article shows that the average cost incurred per homeschooled student is $546.
• 87.7 percent of mothers list their profession as homemaker, home educator. Another 12.3% list another occupation. The next highest occupation listed is Professional 1 (Accountant, Registered Nurse, Engineer) at 4.8%.
• The five most popular occupations for fathers included 17.3% Professional 1 (Accountant, Registered Nurse, Engineer), 16.9% Professional 2 (Doctor, Professor, Lawyer), 10.7% Small Business Owner, 8.9% Manager, and 8.1% Technical.

I wonder what the percentages are currently, almost 12 years later. Nonetheless, it is erroneous to conclude homeschooling must equal income free for the secondary income earner, although I imagine the more young children that are in the equation, the more difficult it is to both achieve an income and serve in the role of teacher.

I Knew He Would Finally Ask

Yes, I've waited for my son to initiate this conversation for a long while. Not the one about where babies come from, mind you; the conversation about why we don't have a cleaning lady. Believe me, if you have told me growing up that I would be discussing cleaning ladies with my own children, I would never have believed you. I was unaware that people outside of some very, very wealthy neighborhoods hired maids to clean their homes. I thought maids were primarily for hotels. Now, I know better.

If there is one thing that we don't have a replacement or equivalent to, that my children are regularly exposed to, it is cleaning help. It seems everytime we are on a playdate, the cleaning lady is there. I was around 20 when I heard of a cleaning lady. My first knew this word by 2 years old.

Son: (Statement) Mommy, every house on our block has a cleaning lady.

Me: (Acknowledged this fact with a nod) Ah ha.

Son: (Statement) Mommy, we should get a cleaning lady.

Me: (Question) What would a cleaning lady do for us?

Son: We wouldn't have to clean.

Me: (Question) Really? But what would happen if someone made a spill like this morning. . . and the cleaning lady was gone?

Son: I guess we would have to clean it up then.

Me: (Redirecting) I think we handle cleaning just fine the way things are. We do it little by little.

Son: Yes.

Me: Cleaning help costs a lot of money. Do you think this would be a good way or a bad way for us to spend our money? I think we handle the cleaning just fine.

Son: No. It would be a bad way.

Me: Why?

Son: We can save our money for other things.

Me: (Breathing a sigh of relief that this went well).

I'm not here to make a judgment call about cleaning help. If I was working full time, I'd probably consider it. But, I'm primarily a homemaker in addition to some small clients and I seem to handle the rigors of cleaning without too much stress. I didn't grow up knowing anyone with cleaning help, save a few older ladies who had a nurse to help them. Cleaning was just an activity my sister and I did with my mother, so I'm used to it.

We all have to make choices in life about where to spend our money. Seems my children understand and accept that, based on this most recent conversations. Adding cleaning help to our budget would definitely hurt far more than I can see it helping. I'd rather save for retirement now and hire the help at that point. The messes sometimes do go untouched for too long. But, for the most part I can keep up (save some piles of paperwork and filing that I can't allow anyone to touch anyways).

I don't find cleaning takes nearly as much effort as others find it to be. Perhaps only I think my house is relatively clean? But, in really my house is pretty clean, although it is no museum. Regular and consistent little effort keep everything under control. I always like to know how others keep things under control. Here are a few of my own:

1) I always try to clean up spills immediately, or more acurately I hand the child who made the spill a towel and then touch up the job they do.
2) I sweep up after every meal/snack.
3) I involve the children in cleaning while I am working on a bigger cleaning task. My children have become actually learned to clean windows and walls in a somewhat acceptable manner. Unforuntately, they often get too excited by process and go overboard with the water, which necessitates handing them a towel. (See #1). While they are occupied, I'm usually able to tackle a bigger task quickly.
4) We bought a very large capacity washing machine. We bought it for the utility savings, but the side benefits is that the time it takes to do laundry has been slashed. I can wash twice as much and when it comes to putting it away, sometimes more is less.
5) I hang clothing up, rather than stack in drawers. I find it easier to inventory things and less stuff gets dumped on the floor.
6) I've trained my husband to help out more than he was expected to growing up.
7) I tackle large tasks in small increments. For example, when the kids bathroom needs cleaned, I will work on just one thing, like cleaning the counter top and later return to do something else. It seems to make the job much smoother and oftentimes I will end up tackling the whole task, but it is less intimidating.
8) I try really hard to keep the clutter that I'd like to get rid of in one single area (although I'm currently failing in this regard). I find clutter is more depressing than mess. Takes more effort to tackle and cleaning help can't deal with it.

I'd love to hear your tips and comments.

The Post-Pesach Cleanup

Before Pesach, many of the homemakers shared their lists for getting ready for the Chag. My post-Pesach list seems to resemble my pre-Pesach list almost to the "t."

Post-Pesach:
-Clean all Pesach utensils, cookware, bakeware, and dishes. Clean up would be easier if the holiday didn't seem to require so much oil. I just don't do too much frying during the year.
-Self-clean oven again because you need it to be diary again.
-Clean the table and the chairs with wood cleaning solution. I would surmise the chairs and table are stickier post-Pesach than pre-Pesach.
-Wipe down the refrigerator. I was afraid that I was going to have to take the entire thing apart, but I avoided that.
-Clean the countertops and stove with a good degreaser.
-Vacuum carpets before you have to get the carpet professionally cleaned.
-Sweep floors. The crumbs before Pesach might have been chametz. But, the post-Pesach crumbs are far bigger and far messier and they went everywhere.
-Run the laundry again and again and put it all away. Post-Pesach laundry is proving to be more daunting than pre-Pesach laundry. Perhaps that it because when something had to go pre-Pesach, it was putting away some of my laundry. Now there is just a lot more.
-Carry Pesach cookware and dishes downstairs and store away for next year.
-Bring up chometz from downstairs freezer and bring down leftover frozen chicken soup. (At least I've got a head start on Rosh Hashana?).
-Pay Bills.
-Make lists of how to prepare for next Pesach. 20/20 only works in hindsight.
-Go grocery shopping. I'm almost there!!! (Perhaps I will even procure some really inexpensive Kasher L'Pesach canned goods).
-Cook.
-Clean the bathrooms.
-Check the Bank Accounts--seriously, weird stuff shows up when you aren't looking

I think the only thing missing from the post-Pesach list is cleaning the cars and mopping the floor. No one brought anything crumbly into the car during chol hamoed, nor did anyone have a major spill during the chag. Perhaps these are two open miracles?!?!

Money: The Solution to Everything?

A Yated Letter writer had this to say (in regards to shidduchim, but he really could have been writing about any subject):

"I’m not a rabbi or an authority on the matter. I don’t have any advice to offer, except, perhaps, the idea that when money is the solution to every problem in Klal Yisroel, then that is a problem in itself."

Unfortunately, much of the advice that can be found in any society, and ours is certainly no exception, is that problems can and should be solved by "throwing money at it." For those who lack the funds (or just don't want to divert the funds), these "solutions" can be hurtful, because they aren't solutions at all. Funds or no funds, I am of the opinion that throwing money at a problem rarely attacks the root cause.

Shidduchim : Shidduchim may be the area where the popular solution of late is to offer up money to fix the problem. Forget innovation or reevaluating expectations, green is the color of the day.

Problem: A girl's parents can't ante up the funds so their daughter can marry the kollel-learning prince charming of their choice? Solution: Pair up girls unable to land the dates of their choice with big givers who will fill in the financial gap where their parents left off.

Problem: Girls in Baltimore and Girls in Queens are having a difficult time getting married by the age of 22 and 2 months or 23, respectively. Solution: Pay shadchanim $2000 per shidduch made for a girl in either community. (Note: Baltimore is know paying $2,500. Guess $2,000 was no longer motivating enough)

Problem: Not enough (Israeli) shidduchim are being made. Who's to blame? The parents. They aren't flashing enough green. Solution: Parents should pay shadchanim more.

Problem: There are more Orthodox girls dating than boys and boys want to date younger girls. Solution: The NASI (North American Shidduch Initiative) Fund looks to close the age gap between couples by providing an incentive of $750 to shadchanim of couples who are within two years of age of each other, $1250 to shadchanim of couples in which the chosson and kallah are less than a year apart, and $2000 for couple in which the girl is at least three months older than the boy.

Household Management/Shalom Bayit: The pressures of running a dual-income (or even a single income) home, especially if there are many children, can be enormous. Let's face it, sometimes we have too much on our plate. So we often hear talks about how important it is to have household help, get out with your husband for a date on a regular basis, etc, etc.

Now, sometimes these solutions can work their magic. But, for others, they are hardly a solution. If the funds aren't there (or have been designated for a different purpose), hearing about these solutions can leave one disappointed. Where is the creative thinking?

What types of organization systems can help our children put their things away? How can we help our children self-direct? What types of activities can help keep them out of our hair while we make an important call or pull together dinner?

How can those of us who have learned the ropes of managing a house share non-monetary solutions with those who can't/don't want to hire help? And how can those of us who want to learn more come together?

How about Shalom Bayit? Seems every young chatan is told how important gifts are to his wife and how he should make sure to always buy flowers for her every Shabbat. Hearing advice like this drives me batty! First off, who (besides Hallmark) assumed that all women want it flowers, jewelry, and chocolates? Maybe I am speaking for myself when I say, I want a cushion in the bank so I can sleep at night, and no crumbs on the countertop. Other women I know want flowers, perhaps at the expense of their budget.

(Hat Tip: Ariella of Kallah Magazine). Problem: Wife lashes out at husband and throws a chair. Solution: Buy her flowers. Perhaps the little I have read from this very popular internet Rabbi, I have read incorrectly. But, it seems to me that gifts isn't the solution to serious Shalom Bayit issues.

Chinuch:

Problem: You want your son to learn more Torah. Solution: Father-Son learning programs offer some really cool prizes. This really could turn into its own post, but we have opted out of the motzei Shabbat learning programs for now. My son loves learning and I don't feel the need to ply them with soda, candy, and pizza to do so. And, as my readers know, I'm not much into raffles, even if you can win an IPod. This is a far cry from nuts and honey the Rambam suggests. (Also, with thanks for commenter "anonymous mom").

(Hat Tip: Once again Ariella) Problem: Kids can't be quite in shul. Solution: They should enter a raffle for a prize of $25 for not talking at specific time or $50 for not talking at all. What ever happened to role modeling and expectations?

And on that note, I'm looking forward to Rabbi Horowitz's next parenting column. Problem: A family wants to see their children get good marks in school. A Possible Solution: Pay them. I'm willing to predict that Rabbi Horowitz isn't going to buy into this solution.

The Yated writer is correct. When it seems like the solution to every problem is MONEY, that alone is a problem.

Feeling Deprived: A State of Mind

The previous letter that I posted has really been bothering me. I will save the primary reason for a future post (upon my return). But the other reason was the statement that a family should do "normal" to create a regular life so as not to feel deprived: "Again, I want to stress that it's very important not to feel deprived in your life as a family."

To me deprivation is a state of mind, and a bad one at that. (I will save the quote from Pirkei Avot). Baruch Hashem, we all live in relative luxury. Most of us have roofs over our head, food in our stomachs, and probably more stuff than we really need. I think it is far better to find a different angle to view things at and forget about even trying to be "normal." Normal in the frum world is a standard that is near impossible to attain, or as an anonymous commenter wrote, "I think observance is getting to be a mile long and an inch thick." Trying to be "normal" which is a standard that is imposed by outsiders is a quick route to unhappiness.

Sacrificing so much time away from your children as they grow up is something to feel sad about. Getting into routine of fulltime homemaking is a lot like learning a dance, you have to find your groove. So if you want to dedicate yourself to being a (happy) homemaker who doesn't feel "deprived," it is necessary to start re-defining normal, start learning some new skills (like making your own gourmet pizzas), and start socializing with some "abnormal" people.

Unable or Unwilling? No Room to Cut Back?

In response to the Yated Readers Write Letter, featured in the previous post, which suggested fine tuning one's budget by using software, another writer decries the suggestion as "asinine" claiming that most people who are really struggling have no place to cut back. The letter appears below with emphasis added. My comments follow.

GET REAL

Dear Editor,
I am writing in response to Y. A., who authored a wonderful letter in your last edition on the spiraling debt in our society. While the letter was truly on the mark, I disagree with one point he mentions. Y. A. suggests getting hold of computer programs to rework one’s finances and try to save money. Perhaps that may be the answer for some people. However, for most people who are simply struggling to make ends meet, such a suggestion is asinine. Most of these people are already cutting corners in virtually every possible area. They are shopping in the cheapest supermarket in town, buying their toiletries in Wal-Mart because it is cheapest there, getting hand-me-downs from wherever they can, and using the same plastic tablecloth for all three meals on Shabbos to save some money. They give themselves their own haircuts and never have meat for supper. Their car is often a tin can on wheels and makes so much noise that it turns heads on the street. Of course these are just examples, but you get the point. So please, let’s get real. Microsoft Money doesn’t seem to have a place in this discussion. Thank you.

Sincerely,Kesef Minolon

Excuse me. . . you don't keep a budget on paper and you claim to have no place to cut back??? I'm sorry, but there is always room to cut. It may be pennies, it may be dollars, it may be hundreds of dollars, it might even be thousands of dollars. But, it would be a rare, rare exception to find a family that could not make a cut even if they are already running a tight ship. Unless the frum amongst us who are "struggling to make ends meet" as per above are sitting in a dark room, eating (dried) beans and rice 7 days a week, studying a borrowed sefer by nightlight, than the assertion that there is nowhere to cut back is utterly ridiculous.

Furthermore, the *powerless* of the assertion that there is no room to cut back is *spiritually damaging* in my opinion. Falling into the "there is nothing we can do" trap just makes a person miserable and makes a person feel sorry for themself. I know plenty of people who complain about their lack on money and yet they should be able to do more than squeeze by or fall into debt. But you have to be willing to do your hishtadlut. A few years ago I read a personal finance feature that compared a family that was "just getting by" on some high salary to a woman who was saving money while paying grad school tuition in cash and making only $12,000 a year. The latter's positive attitude and cost cutting measures really inspired me and sent me into action.

Back to the letter. . . . . I can already spot two places mentioned where the family can cut back: plastic tablecloths and toiletries. Regarding the plastic tablecloth covers, why not put the cloth tablecloth into an almost full load of laundry? Even if you have to buy a machine washable tablecloth(s) which run as low as $8-$10 new with a coupon at a big box store, the tablecloths should pay for themselves after you stop buying plastic tablecloth covers. Readers, what does a box of plastic tablecloth covers run? How many are in a box? Another alternative, buy a $7 heavy plastic tablecloth cover and sponge it down after Shabbat. It should last you from Pesach until the next Pesach if you are good about cleaning it. I used to do that, but decided on the 1st alternative. (On the lighter side: you might have better shidduch prospects should you stop using plastic over your tablecloth. But, you might have worse shidduch prospects because you will most likely opt for a darker color tablecloth. So, it is a toss up).

In regards to buying toiletries I will say, if you are paying for (some) of them, you are paying too much! (This is a tip that I picked up from the article mentioned above and I have not paid for a tube of toothpaste since then). The author mentions shopping at Wal-Mart because they have the best price on toiletries. Wal-mart might have the best retail price on toiletries, but if you shop on sale and combine coupons and rebates in drug and grocery stores, you should be able to get toothbrushes and toothpaste for the price of sales tax and other products on full rebate for the price of the stamp, if the rebate can't be done online.

I have an entire cabinet full of toiletries that I have bought for pennies without too much trouble and heartache, just a quick read of the Sunday circulars and an efficient filing system for coupons and rain checks. Just this month I have managed to get 7 tubes of toothpaste, 1 bottle of mouthwash, and 3 toothbrushes for sales tax alone and it wasn't so difficult. I picked up 4 tubes of toothpaste and 1 toothbrush that were on sale for $0.99 and paid for each one with a $1 coupon while at one of my regular grocery stores buying milk and flour. I picked up the next 3 tubes of toothpaste at CVS when I went to stock up on diaper wipes that were on sale (something the real tightwads would consider wasteful). I noticed that a new toothpaste and mouthwash would give me back extra bucks and I was already there to pick up something else. I checked my coupon file and noticed I had a buy one get one free coupon for the toothpaste and a $1.50 off coupon for the mouthwash (I also had a $5 extra bucks coupon from a previous purchase. I paid for everything with my extra bucks, coupons, and $0.16 additional cents and immediately received an extra bucks coupon for more than I paid ($6.8 if you are counting), plus a $2 of $10 CVS brand purchase. I promptly grabbed a second bag of diaper wipes to bring me up to $10, and turned around and paid a $1.47 for approximately 3 months worth of diaper wipes. Not bad and I didn't have to go to Wal-mart, which is not only out of the way, but also is a pain to visit mostly because of its size. (Another benefit: I won't be scrambling to buy toothpaste and toothbrushes, inevitably at full price, Eruv Pesach nervously).

Another trick I have up my sleeve is receiving a $10, $20, or even $25 gift card to (most commonly) Rite Aid, CVS, Target, and Kmart pharmacies for bringing in a new and/or transferred prescription to their pharmacy. I have received a gift card for nearly every prescription I have filled in the past 2 years. Let's just say this is a lot of diapers. Turns out that I had a gift card that was going to be phased out due to a merger of two drug stores. I ended up the remaining balance to buy the other 2 toothbrushes (lest anyone is keeping count) and some shampoo and body wash that were also on full rebate. I'm waiting for my check in the mail!

Frugal homemaking is an art. It takes practice, time, preparation, and work (wish I started learning the art earlier). But it pays off. And it gets easier and easier (plus, you can go through and energetic stage and then slack off a bit). I'm not an artist yet. But I'm getting there. And I (rarely) believe those who claim there is no room to cut back. I know a number of places we can cut back (even if I'm not quite there yet) and I'm guessing that "most people who are simply struggling to make ends meet" can find places too. I know there are people in the frum community who suffer terribly, but I know that "most" who are struggling could do better. But you have to want to.

(BTW--New Yorkers have it particularly rough because you don't have the same availability of regular supermarkets within arm's reach. I'd welcome a post from a NY'er for former NY'er on how to make bargain shopping work for you. After all, the majority of frum American Jews live "in town").

Call me a Homemaker, Please

Don't worry, I'll be back with more Orthonomic posts. . . . . but in the meantime, try this on for size. :)

I don't know when the term "Stay at Home Mom" (SAHM) replaced the term "homemaker," but I really dislike (read: can't stand) the former term, even though I often find myself using the term to tell people what I do . . . . And that is precisely why I hate the term, because it does absolutely nothing to describe what I do.

A teacher teaches, an accountant accounts for the accounts, an administrator administrates, a therapist provides therapy, a driver drives, a cleaning lady cleans, and a stay at home mom stays home, correct?

Unless you want to find another term to describe all of my duties (caregiver/babysitter, preschool teacher, camp director, chief dean of discipline, counselor, driver, librarian, project manager, cleaning lady, chef, baker, hairdresser, buyer, inventory supervisor, organizer, handy woman, bookkeeper, tax preparer, tax planner, investment advisor, financial planner, and budget analyst, etc), than feel free to call me a homemaker.

But my function is not to "stay at home," my function is to make this house into a home. So, I'd much prefer the chashuve title homemaker rather than the new and ever so popular title SAHM. The title homemaker makes me feel professional, and I try to treat my duties here with the care of any CEO. Being called a SAHM makes me feel lazy. And that I am not.

Excuse me now while I return to eating my bon-bons (errrrrrr, scrubbing my counter tops and managing the cookie and challah baking. . . . . not in that order of course).

To the SAHMs out there, what do you prefer to be called?

What Convenience do you Dream of?

After a handful of heavy Orthonomic posts, I always say it is time for something lite. So, here it is. Let me know what convenience you dream of and why.

A big errand day, usually brought on by near complete depletion of the basics and beyond, usually includes stopping at 2-3 grocery stores, one drug store, the bank, and the (lastly) the kosher "grocery" store. Our home is still traveling circus in tow.

Getting kids in and out of the car for grocery shopping isn't too fun. But, I make this part of errand day minimally painfully by having my lists prepared in advance using my stored knowledge and the weekly circulars. I know where most items are located and I don't veer off beaten path if I don't have to. I enlist all the help I can get by giving age appropriate assignments and I try to move as quick as possible. Minimal distraction and interruption keeps the "gimmes" under control and I just pray that we will go straight through check out without having to buy what the little ones touch.

After grocery shopping, I can really appropriate the convenience of the drive through bank teller. I enjoy this convenience so much that I keep a handful of deposit slips in the glove compartment of each car, along with a pen. Some love the ATM, but I prefer to have a human process my deposits. While my kids have seen the inside of a bank plenty of times, I'm glad that I don't have to take the traveling circus into the establishment every single time.

The last stop I usually make on a major stock up trip is the kosher grocery store. Being in the kosher grocery is the opposite of shopping of shopping in a chain grocery store, at least for me. I generally limit my purchases to cheese, poultry, and meat (as well as a handful of middle eastern items, speciality items, and frozen items, from time to time). I tend not to make the decision of what I am buying until I see the current prices. I usually have the butcher remove the skin from any chicken since I hate handling the poultry myself. All of this takes time and results in disciplining a little kid so he doesn't "pop" the saran wrap on every meat package in sight. On top of that, I never know where any non-meat or cheese products are, and because the stores are small, it is hard to steer clear of the things that give the kids the gimmes. All together, a trip to the kosher grocer can turn an almost pleasurable errand day experience into a nightmare.

My dream: a website with the current prices of the meat and a drive through window. I'd call in advance and place my order and they would give me a deadline on pickup. When I go to pickup, I would just drive through and load the groceries into the trunk. My husband says it will never happen because such a convenience would require too much manpower and would result in less impulse purchases (especially prepared food) on the part of customers. But, let me tell you, if I could call in my order hours before and drive through to pick it up, let me tell you, I'd happily patronize the store that could offer me this convenience.

Post-Pesach Tidbits (Some Should have been Pre-Pesach, Oh Well)

This Pesach's experiences will prompt a number of the next few posts. But in the meantime I thought I would add a few random things on my mind before getting back on the blogging block too soon.

First off, while I was computer free, AlazLaz tagged me to find out what Haggadah we use. While we have a growing number of Haggadot on our shelves with commentaries, all of which are fantastic resources, a simple Pesach Haggadah serves us best at the Seder. There is a particularly enjoyable Haggadah that we enjoy using, compiled by Rabbi Marc Angel of the Spanish Porteguese Synagogue Shearith Israel, complete with various commentaries from Sephardi Chachamin, past and present and a complilation of various minhagim. The index also has a very brief biography on each of the commentators which is easy to reference and is in and of itself a fantastic feature.

The highlight of this Haggadah is the inclusion of key Ladino translations and songs including Quen Supiese, a Ladino version of Mi Echad Yodea, and Un Cavritico (One Kid/Had Gadya). What we discovered when we ordered this Haggadah is that there is more than one Ladino version to each of these songs. While extremely similiar, there are some differences. And that is what an Oral Messorah is for. Fascinating! And Pesach is filled with oral family mesorahs that are so numerous and so interesting and often myterious. This Haggadah is really is a great edition to any library (and no, I'm not being paid to say that). What is does lack is a Ladino translation of the Four Questions. Next year, iy"h, I will insert this into the Haggadah.

Some of the notable differences in the seder are 1) Only two berachot over cups of wine are made, keeping in mind the 2nd and 4th cup 2) Mah Nishtana follows the order of the Gemorah and the 3rd Question (afilu pa'am achat) is asked first, 3) Kos Eliyahu and hiding the Afikomen were adopted from the Ashkenaz tradition while not originally Sephardi customs, and 4) Men and Women all lean which is not a universal practice in Ashkenazi circles. I will stop at four for now. Gives me more to blog abour next year and four is just an appropriate Pesach number.

Onto other tidbits:

--> The Four Questions: I was a big nervous that my pre-schooler would get stage fright and be unable to "perform" the four questions which he had been working on quite intently (Last year at not quite yet 2 he did one Mah Nishtanah and one question with a bit of help) .

Despite the fact my MIL/FIL never sent their children to 2-year old or 3-year old nursery (formerly known as day care), they have become big believers so to speak as my SIL/BIL set the stage. As the younger sibling, my husband and I receive rather large clues that we aren't doing things right and we are going to put our children behind academically through these choices.

While I should just ignore all of this since I'm armed with my own facts and my kids are performing remarkably well for only have me as a teacher, I still put pressure on myself to perform. So when my almost 3-year old son stood up and performed the 4 questions flawlessly in beautifully accented Ivrit. I burst into tears.

Incidently, the younger cousin in nursery didn't even attempt a question. I've got to stop pressuring me. Fortunately, I'm not pressuring my own kids. This boy is probably as driven as they come and he takes to everything like a sponge. I should have recorded him singing on the Purim Podcast. He could have sung nearly any song from Eishet Chayil to Chag Purim to Shalom Aleichem.

--> Berachot: One little issue, after learning the beracha "al achilat matzah" he nows says "al achilat yadayim." I think we can straighten that out soon.

--> Confusing Environments and New Rules: While I can't complain about not having to clean and kasher my own home for Pesach as we joined my husband's family for the festivities, I don't believe it is easy to go away either. Taking little children (and some adults too) out of their environment for 2 weeks (extended trip) isn't easy by any means. It isn't just the living out of a suitcase, bouncing from place to place, and throwing off any semblance of a schedule that is difficult. It is all of the other things that happen (or don't happen) when you outside of your environment. Probably the biggest difficulty when traveling with small and curious children is that the new environment has not been tuned to their impulses and neither have the hosts. To make a long megillah short, I'm not sure that there was a place untouched despite very vigilant parents (that's us). Now our family host has her own children, but it appears they not one has been a tenth as mechanically inclined, athletic, etc as ours. If so, the house, set up, etc would have been completely different. And because of the bad weather, my son did not see a ball for the entire trip (is that a form of child neglect?).

--> Diet: Another difficulty is diet when outside of your home, and not just the Pesach diet! In our home regular Shabbat seudot include vegetable based soups, a little bit of poultry or meat, a variety of vegetables and/or salads, and a starch. More often than not, dessert is fresh fruit with a cookie. Our hosts are the opposite: heavy on meat/poultry/gefilte fish, extremely light on veggies which usually appear in the form of a kugel or in the form of a garnish if and when they appear, and heavy on potato starch/matza meal prepared desserts. Lunches and snacks are matza and cheese, matza brie, and matza rolls: not a fruit in sight, but thank G-d for the overpriced Pesach yogurt. And the biggest killer of all: Coca Cola served at every meal. There is a reason I don't bring sodas into our home. I spent the week after Pesach weaning my son off the Coca Cola. Now that we are home it is cold turkey because we have none here (baruch Hashem). The stuff is a drug, yet present at every meal, every kiddush, etc. Now I'm no health food fanatic, but putting Coca-Cola out at every meal? I can't think of a worse idea.

--> Needing Explicit Instructions: Lastly, I like to help wherever I go and I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that I want to be told what to do! As a guest in a kitchen that is not my own and that I did not grow up in I need explicit instructions, especially on Pesach, when a kashrut messup could be devestating (even if it really isn't a problem, but I digress-I ranted about women's learning in my last post).

Unless a host family is super organized and has all utensils clearly labelled, all chometz utensils locked away (and I do mean locked because small children and even sitting babies can easily pull tape off cabinets if you blink an eye), and clearly written receipes, helping in the kitchen is not a "do it yourself" project. I can't walk into a kitchen and just know which utensils are milk, meat, and parve if they are not clearly labelled. I also do NOT know how so-in-so family member's Bubbe or Savta made their chicken soup. So, if you don't have the secrets clearly recorded, I really can't help you.

It isn't fair to grumble about lack of help if you don't create an environment that is safe to help in. Baruch Hashem this year things were more spacious and I was able to help much more. So while this issue is one of the past, I just figured I would put it out there.

Next Up: When a couple blows a simcha in the eyes of one set of parents?

Purim Wrap-Up

This year our Purim was fantastic. But the aftermath was even better (no hangovers in our family!) and provided me with a fantastic reminder of just how important it is to go beyond when performing a mitzvah.

As I mentioned in my previous post, we don't go all out on Mishloach Manot packages. In short our packages are rather tiny. Sometimes I feel bad receiving sizable packages when I know I've given only a quarter of what we have received if that. But, I prefer to do the baking myself and have my kids be a part of the effort in a tangible way (sorry, more shopping just isn't tangible. . . we already spend more than our fair share of time in grocery stores).

For the past few years my husband has asked me to take it easy and just do the minimum (2 packages) and send out cards. I think the cards are excellent (especially if I don't have to mail them), but I just haven't jumped on this boat yet despite the many benefits. Somehow making the packages, however minimal, makes Purim into Purim and I can't stop at the minimum because once I make for this person, I feel the need to make for that person.

Of course, when deciding who to make for we have to set limits or we will spend our entire day delivering packages which is frustrating and grueling. Therefore, we tend to limit ourselves to one small geographical area that is easy to hit in one small trip and we like to keep a number of extras on hand for those that are kind enough to stop by and see us.

This year we were headed out for the seudah and limited our geographical area severely. However, there are two old men (a bachelor of 80 and a widow of nearing 90) that we felt should be included despite our time constraints and we made an extra trip, albeit brief and albeit not far at all, to drop them mishloach manot. Since we hit the earliest minyanim, they were not home and we dropped the packages on their front doorstep.

On Monday, both men called to thank us for the packages and the thoughtfulness. The first left a message telling me he hadn't received any homemade hamentashen and just how delicious it was (for me there couldn't be a bigger compliment). The second was happy that we remembered him and was sad that he wasn't home when we came by. Baruch Hashem we did not cut our list even shorter despite the cold weather and the time constraints. I am constantly being reminded that there are people in every community who need to be remembered and who need simple acts of chessed.

Up next, a ton of Orthonomic topics that will hopefully interest you.