Perfume Shops Vs. Garbage Dumps

I was joking with my husband about just how long it would take for someone to pen a letter to some frum publication about the horrible behavior witnessed on a Chol Hamoed trip, and it didn't take long for the subject to rear its ugly head. YWN has a letter regarding bad behavior witnessed at Great Adventures. It is all the regular stuff: trash strewn all over the place, pushing and cutting, general rudeness, disregard for safety rules, leaving a 2 year old to watch a baby. . . .you know, the regular fare. Likely those who can't function within society in a manner that doesn't draw negative attention and reaction are in the minority, but they are a very loud, seemingly large, and annoying minority.

And this is exactly why we pass on large organized chol ha'moed trips! That, and the fact that I prefer to spend family time with my own family, not with my neighbor's brother's nephew's Rebbe's mechutanim's grandchildren.

There is a commentary on on sentence in Dayeinu which I have seen in numerous places and which probably came home in a Haggadah produced in school about the value of simply being in an environment of taharah (i.e. the perfume shop) rather than being seeped in an environment of tumah (i.e. the Garbage Dump). At the sedarim, each elementary school child repeated this commentary and the pshat that I believe your average Yeshiva/Bais Yaacov student walks away with is the importance of insularity within the klal and the importance of avoiding the contamination of the outside world. Organized Chol Hamoed trips to the amusement park are attractive if you are concerned about short shorts, bikini tops, and teenagers that can't keep their hands off each other. But I have plenty of concern about the environment within our own klal which keep me passing on such trips, to say nothing of more regular activities.

I wonder if the kids who are learning such commentaries will ever consider the commentary beyond the message of inside=good, outside=bad. But within the inside, there are plenty of messages, subtle and not so subtle, that our kids are picking up and that I believe has resulted in a lot of the mess we see too often see today. I don't spend a lot of time at this point in my life worrying about the outside world. Simply put, my children's access is rather limited, and just like my parents who have turned off a movie right in the middle when an unexpected scene popped up, I'm more than happy to "pull the plug" too. But what about the messages that they are getting that we might not even know about? For example, I read a book in a family member's home that I believe is marketed to the pre-teen girls which was, quite frankly, appalling and age-inappropriate. (In the unnamed book's defense, my husband believes it is perhaps targeted to an older group, which doesn't exactly instill confidence in the reading level of whatever group is targeted, nor would I care for my teenager reading the book either). Nonetheless, just because something is published by a known frum company, doesn't put it in the "Perfume Category" by default.

Back to just downright pushy and rude behavior (I've been on the receiving end of plenty too), many would like to blame the outside world, but I think these issues are mostly internal issues and those of us who are concerned about the underlying issues that lead to "chillul Hashem" should start by taking a look at the Perfume (and the Garbage) in the shop. When we got married, we didn't know too much about the local schools, but there was an assumption that we would probably take one path over another. But along the journey to enrollment, I've seen a lot and had numerous interactions that led to a different path. While there will always be issues with students no matter what the environment, my main concern is how issues are dealt with. E.g., at some point, a student will damage or deface property, but how will staff react? Will staff and administration ensure that those responsible for the damage be responsible for rectifying the situation, or will they take a "boys will be boys" (and there is nothing we can do about it) position? Does the administration treat each subject and each staff member with the authority they need to manage a classroom, or are certain teachers treated with lesser importance? Are students expected to keep the school clean and neat, or there an assumption that this is what the janitor is for? If a student is caught, red handed no less, committing a crime of some degree, does the administration coddle, or make sure restitution is made?

A lot of the behavior that the letter writer notes is behavior I see right in the halls of local schools, in shuls, and in homes. It doesn't surprise me that park workers' instructions are ignored, such behavior is ingrained in too many students as basically have permission to ignore certain teachers, subjects, homework, start times, and deadlines. It doesn't surprise me that trash is left everywhere, too many schools and homes for that matter are treated like a trash dump. I was once at an event in a public school where the kids literally threw their trash on the floor. When the kids were asked to help clean up, some of the mothers took their daughters by the hand and left! Lots of parents talk about just how difficult it is to have guests with younger children for Shabbat because their parents are unwilling to discipline and it always results in a big mess, broken toys, and sometimes even broken bigger ticket items.

The letter writes notes " a park show was cut short because the people in the audience were speaking very loudly, and walking around incessantly." Spend 5-10 minutes within some of our schools, camps, or extracurriculars and I guarantee you that you will find students who feel free to just up and leave. Walking around incessantly, that too is being ingrained in their muscles! I can't find the link, but there is a blogger who had children in public schools and then enrolled them in a day school and found the just up and leaving in the middle of class to be a most shocking difference. I couldn't agree with her more just how shocking this is, and nearly everyone I know who attended a regular public school also finds this to be an issue. But, when I've had the chance to speak with administrators and teachers about the up and leaving issues, as well as open truancy, it is as if I live on a different planet.

And maybe I do! On my planet, I take standing in line and waiting your turn patiently, treating people and property (!) with respect, and sitting on your rear in class for respectable stretch of time to be absolutely imperative. I know I'm out of step.

And on a final note, perhaps what Great Adventures need is my parents to monitor! I remember a trip to a well known park when I was right around middle school age in which a few unsupervised teenagers cut in our line. My parents told them in no uncertain terms that they were to step to the back of the line immediately, and (today this might be surprising), but they did so pretty quickly. Today, kids as young as 3 know how to say "you can't make me." I said a lot of snarky things growing up, but that wasn't one of them, nor was "you can't tell me what to do, your not my Mommy" because, uh, whatever another adult or teacher could dole out would be nothing in comparison to what might happen at home, so it was best to avoid finding out. Naturally, I was as embarrassed as could by some of the more memorable moments with my parents (how uncool they were), but as an adult I really respect parents, adults, and teachers who know that they are in charge. I wish I could be stronger, but today, asking a kid who knocked right into you (7 months pregnant, mind you) right in front of his mother because he was running around wild right under her nose, just garners you a nasty look from the mother that says, "how dare you?" So there is a real uphill battle. My father used to tell me that when he was a kid, other parents felt free to take a hand to the rear of their son's friend and then walk him back to his home where his father could take care of the rest (this really happened to my father on an occasion or two, but likely not three). Today, we parents (and teachers) live in fear of even saying anything, much less doing what I am told is completely improper (disciplining your own kid in a public place). Until that changes, look forward to a repeat letter come Sukkot.

Breeding Disrespect

I'd like to focus some attention on one answer given to a "hardball" question at the Torah U'Mesorah convention. The question being addressed is if a Rebbe can take a kid out of morning Torah shiurim for a diversion such a trip to the park for singing, commiserating, playing ball, etc. The second speaker (I am unable to pinpoint voices) mentioned that if the Rebbe and principal decide it is necessary to partake in a diversion for a particular class, that the time should be taken away from limudei chol, not limudei kodesh. [Updated: A reader pointed out that perhaps I am interpretting the answer as too broad and pertaining to what I address below. As such, I'm striking this part of my post, but my comments about the practice on the ground still stand].

Anyone who has ever taught in a classroom, given a shiur, or coached a sport is well aware that diversions are sometimes necessary for health of the class, group, or team. I used the word "diversion" only because that is the way the question was posed. I see no reason to micromanage competent, hardworking, or prepared teachers, instructors, or coaches. If their gut feeling tells them that a *regrouping* is needed, I think that their should be a respect for their instinct. On top of that, when a class needs regrouped, it generally needs regrouping in the present, not later that afternoon during math class, and certainly not on the cheshbon of another staff member.

I'm not sure that Rabbonim who share the opinion of the speaker (and by what I've witnessed, I'm afraid this opinion is not uncommon) understand just what impinging does to the morale of limudei chol staff and to the behavior of the students in class and towards staff. I have no major objection to spending more time on limudei kodesh than limudei chol, so long as a standard quality is maintained vis a vis general studies. If a school decides to dedicate 70% of the day to kodesh studies and 30% to chol, that is the prerogative of the school.

I do have an issue with the casual treatment of limudei chol in general. Such casual treatment is what leads kodesh teachers to impede on the time of fellow staff, infringe on the authority of other staff, and it ultimately leads to a lessening of respect, job dissatisfaction, and high turnover, all of which lessen the quality of the school as a whole as well as cause greater expenditure.

As far as I am concerned, every adult worthy of employment, deserves to be given a certain level of deference and authority. Their opinion should be valued as they are in the front lines. Their discipline should be supported. Their subject should be respected. Their time should be respected. They should have the authority to enforce their own (perhaps approved) classroom policies. In other words, their classroom should be as sacrosanct as the next.

I know it is very popular today to "teach middot" and I do know that many limudei kodesh staff are quite appalled by the level of behavior and chutzpah in many classrooms. I think the best place to start teaching middot is to review school policies and the environment and make sure that they are not undermining the lessons being imparted. As it has been said, "actions speak louder than words."

Some Links for Your Reading Pleasure

The Rebbetzin's Husband has put together some tips on (successfully) bringing children to shul. This is a very helpful list. Articulating expectations and having a back up plan is key. I might add choosing an appropriate minyan to the list, where applicable. Role modeling is important.

Ezzie has put up some figures regarding Orthodox Credit Card debt from the Jewish Economic Survey he has been running. It appears that there is a huge jump in credit card debt once a couple has four children. The average amount is simply staggering: $31,640. If you calculate out the potential amount of interest being paid on that type of debt, and stare at that amount for a while, you can see that we can't bury our head regarding the problems of debt in our communities.

Amen Brother! Honestly Frum is screaming about money leaving our own backyard while many local institutions are on the verge of major financial problems. I have no idea how much tzedakah leaves our own communities that could possibly stay within the communities if parlor meetings and solicitations for every one's favorite project were to cease. But, so long as drivers are still carting around 3-4 meshulachim on a regular weeknight, I'm afraid that we are only shooting ourselves in the foot by sending money abroad. My own phone seems to be ringing off the hook lately with solicitations for non-local tzedakahs. And meshulachim aren't any less in number as per my own amateur observation. I believe it was just Wednesday night when I told a collector that our own children in our own community needed our funds desperately too.

Perhaps a more face to face approach to keep tzedakah in the community is needed. Door to door collections featuring the local principal anyone? Doesn't seem time efficient. But if collectors can both afford plane tickets and a driver, perhaps it is time to send the troops out marching?

Mrs. Braverman of Aish.com seems to have hit a cord with some of her readers in her column on selfish kindness. But it didn't hit the same chord with me. In fact, fairly recently we made a small birthday party with family for one of my kids. And I gave the same little talk before the party started that I always give: after you open a gift you say thank you whether or not you like the gift. My mother used to give me the same talk and after receiving some rather hideous outfits and saying thank you (as well as writing the card), my mother would say, you only have to wear that when Grandma comes around.

Unwilling to Start at the Bottom of the Ladder

Since I'm on the subject of entitlement, I might as well continue blogging on the subject. The good news in the following letter is that there seems to be some recognition that work is a necessity and it seems that some young men actually desire to work.

The problem, you ask? (You knew there was a catch, right?) While they claim to be willing to work, they expect to be paid an "average" wage. They want you, a potential employer, to offer them at least $10 an hour. Anything less would be insulting. Never mind that plenty of other people would happily take you up on an offer for less.

Let me tell you boys something and I will tell it to you straight. If you have nothing on your resume, you aren't worth $10 an hour. If you want to start and build a resume, you need to humble yourself and be willing to accept what you can get, which will likely be minimum wage. You have got to leave your ego at the door and just stick a foot in because it is very likely someone else in line. Once you have landed a starter job, you need to demonstrate loyalty, willingness to work, and commitment to learning and advancing your skills.

If your first job is unskilled, be prepared to start at the bottom. If your first job is skilled, be prepared to start at the bottom. You value as a new employee is very little to nothing. Your employer is taking a risk on you, and often an expensive risk at that because he has to train you and after spending good money on you, you may prove yourself less than capable and then he is stuck trying again. You need to be demonstrate you are a team player. You need to open yourself up to criticism and accept it to better yourself.

The following is the letter that got my goat. It is beyond asinine so I'm reserving my comments (or otherwise I'd blog a sociology PhD thesis). But, I know ProfK will have something to say. G-d help us all.

Update: ProfK came through with a link to an older post of her that works hand in hand with this post. Thank you for getting me to this link without having to backtrack through your many posts.


YISSOCHORS AND ZUVULUNS

Dear Editor,

I would like to “put out there” some ideas that I believe can be implemented in our communities to alleviate a common but unnecessary situation and to receive constructive feedback. I feel, and I believe many parents and teachers do as well, that we can and must create opportunities and networks for our young adults to get jobs. The reason I say this is because I know from my personal experience and what I have heard from my siblings that it is difficult to find a steady, average-paying job ($10 an hour or more) during the summer months and after leaving the yeshiva world. The ages that I am referring to are between 14 and 26.

There are many parents who cannot afford camp and their children must remain home for the summer. Not everyone is capable and personable, or has the skills required or the family connections, to find a job as a counselor, waiter, tutor, or lifeguard. Many young adults need to be guided to work efficiently and professionally, but they do not want to do it for free. They should not have to. I suggest that we deal with this problem. I would like to equate it with the shidduch crisis and suggest that we find similar creative solutions found for the shidduch crisis:

1. Regarding shidduchim, many high schools have a yearly gathering for alumni to meet with shadchanim. Similarly, every yeshiva should set up an alumni meeting to help alumni find jobs after they leave yeshiva. I also include those who want to learn full-time. Our yeshivos and high schools should be responsible to find their former talmidim jobs in kollelim, as mohalim, as sofrim, as shochtim, as rabbeim, etc. around the globe.

2. Yeshivos and Jewish organizations should set up a hotline for any student to call for a job and promptly be set up with one. For example, there should be a babysitter hotline where parents can call and be set up with someone who is looking to baby-sit.

3. Yeshivos should set up a similar program to the NASI initiative for shidduchim that should be funded with tuition funds. You pay tuition so that your children can have practical skills to earn money. And I don’t mean scholastic skills. Tuition funds should go directly for that purpose. Understandably, employers don’t want to pay more than they have to, as basic economics show, but the program will reward cash initiatives to those who provide someone with a steady job. The payment schedule can be, for example, $400 for three months for someone age 14 to 18. Even if the employer did not have available job openings that he would be willing to pay for, he can hire a student with the funds from the school and teach him valuable skills and have extra help. Even the school can use those funds to hire students to clean the classrooms or restrooms. Why should we hire illegals or people from the outside to do these jobs? As we know, money talks. If we pay our students $15 to clean the classroom or the restroom, they will probably take it. No, they don’t have the skills, so have someone teach them. Hire one maintenance worker who will show them how to do it. Money should go to pay student babysitters more money than $6 an hour. It is not always worthwhile to baby-sit for the ‘going rate.’ I believe parents will be happy to pay tuition when they know that their hard-earned money is being used to give their own children money.

4. Jobs specifically for high-schoolers should be posted in the school lobby and mentioned in the classrooms. Teachers should ask their students if they need a job.

5. Teachers can be network hubs for their students. They should speak with parents who are owners of stores and inquire about jobs for their students.

6. Allow the yeshiva dorms to be used if someone wants to go to work. What better way is there to show our children/students that we are not elitist than by allowing the Zevuluns to share the dorm with the Yissochors? Many people can make a Yissochor-Zevulun contract inside the dorm room. Our yeshivos need to actively show that they truly believe that Torah does not look down on those earning a parnassa, not just profess it behind closed doors. We must show it from our elementary and high school grades. No student should be without a well-paying job. It will give them the skills and pride to be a helper and a productive member of our society. Isn’t that what we want? They should even get paid above their economical worth if it will stimulate them to acquire good skills.

Jobs are acquired in two ways:

1. The person has a skill that an employer is willing to pay for at the market rate.
2. You have an ‘in’ connection with an owner/employer.

I believe we can cultivate the second way to include all our students. They should never feel like they don’t have a rich uncle to help them get a job when they need it the most.

Wishing I Had Enough Money to Be a Rich Uncle

Chanukah Gelt

I'm not sure how widespread the practice of giving Chanukah Gelt (cash gifts) to Rebbes is. The first time I heard about the custom was a number of years ago when I was a frequent guest of a family in a large community which a very wealthy block of families. These families were known to give very, very sizable gifts to their children's Rebbes on Chanukah. The discussion left me wondering about the practice.

This week, I caught this letter in the Yated, which brings forward numerous issues. Here is the letter below:

CHANUKAH GIFTS FOR REBBI AND MORAH
Dear Editor,
My husband and I have always felt that Chanukah is a great time to show our appreciation to our children’s teachers. How much is given and what is given are dependent on one’s financial situation. This year, we were not able to give as much as in past years.

When my daughter gave her teacher the envelope with the Chanukah gift, the teacher got up in class and told the students that this is the appropriate way for parents to show hakoras hatov to teachers. The comment rubbed me the wrong way completely. It made me think that there may be kids in the class whose parents contributed to the PTA gift, but could not afford to give more.

Why do teachers think it is their right and that we as parents are expected to give them gifts? As I recall, last year, the Yated printed letters going back and forth about it. The bottom line is that I don’t expect my boss to give me a gift when I make him/save him money, because that is what he hired me for. And if he does give me a gift, I have to show him my appreciation. The same applies here. We contract the teachers through the schools to give our children an education. The fact is that rabbeim’s and teachers’ salaries often don’t cover their expenses and they do deserve to earn more money. But parents do not owe them gifts and it is important for teachers to realize that.

Thank you.

I Tip When I Can

I like to write about "Orthonomic" issues that affect the lives of various sectors. Admittedly, Chanukah Gelt is not something we currently deal with. But, the public way that gifts are given from student to teacher directly strikes me as inappropriate (the letter writer was rubbed the wrong way by the teacher's comment. The teacher's comment does appear to be tasteless, but presenting a gift in class doesn't seem to classy either).

In the past, I have written about my distaste for involving children as the middle men when schools and/or teachers solicit additional money for a party or project. Here too I feel a similar distaste. I can only imagine that involving one's children in giving gifts to teachers in front of their peers makes for uncomfortable moments for other students (especially students who aren't presenting a gift, or are only presenting something "unrespectable"), as well as for the student presenting the gifts. G-d knows that we don't need to add to the material competition that many children, as well as adults, experience.

And, I'm sure many teachers experience discomfort too when they receive gifts directly. A teacher who receives less than others may feel slighted. A teacher who receives a ridiculous sum of money from a certain parents is sure to feel pressure. Knowing what parents gave what can feel like "too much information."

Now, I am not criticizing the practice of giving gifts to teachers, although if parents have not cleared their obligations to the school vis a vis tuition, I believe there would be a problem. But, I don't like the idea of students presenting gifts in front of other students and teachers receiving gifts directly. I think gifts of this manner are best presented discretely, although I'm sure teachers don't open them in front of the class.

And, of course, as an accountant, I can't help myself but to wonder about the tax issues surrounding these "gifts," especially where they are very sizable, as is the case at my friends' school. Being no expert in this area of tax law, I'll let the more experienced chime in.

Your comments?

Propping up an Ailing System

Charlie Hall sent me a link to this article which describes the Israeli Chareidi system of marriage which includes a massive dowries for daughters (50-100% of an apartment, wedding costs, and possibly a small monthly stipend or "start up" costs for a young couple) which have devoured any savings that the parents might have and more often than not have put parents into enormous amounts of debts. At a certain point the spiraling debt becomes unmanageable as more and more money has been borrowed from one gemach to pay another gemach. Wolfish Musings and Harry Maryles have already offered their comments on the article, but I am entering the conversation from another angle.

I have yet to write about Israeli Orthonomic issues on this blog because I have not seen the system up close and personal. As such, I normally concentrate on the American scene. However, the particular issue of "buying chatanim," is not purely an Israeli that does not concern us. It is, or at least should be, as much an American concern too. After all, "we" are asked to support this system by door-to-door meshulachim and by the numerous letters which arrive in our mailboxes. And, we do support it at the expense of our own institutions that are oftentimes suffering tremendously. And, if the institutions aren't suffering, there are parents out there who are being crushed under the burden of tuition. As such, the Israeli Orthonomic system should be a huge concern for us.

We are supporting this system at the expense of our own institutions and we should know if we are making a sound investment, or just propping up an ailing system, delaying a near inevitable train wreck (not trying to be pessimistic or anything). I have no doubt in my mind that mass Torah learning is of great import and I have no doubt that mass Torah learning in Israel has benefited the American community at large, other European communities, as well as the entire world in the metaphysical sense. That is why I am concerned. We need to be investing in Torah, and I'm afraid that the system of "poverty by choice," combined with the expectation of massive dowries (this is not to say these couples are living high off the hog--they aren't!), and family size in the double digits, is failed economic policy that could eventually be failed spiritual policy, and as such is becoming akin to investing money into a horse and buggy factory. Building a bayit ne'eman b'yisrael is not just for something for the current generation, but is a responsibility for future generations, and therefore there must be an eye on the future.

Nearly every letter outlines the same situation. A Rabbi in America with a well known name appeals to the American community to help relieve an tremendous talmid chacham and his wife of the tremendous debt built up over the years. While there are sometimes extraordinary circumstances mentioned, nearly every time the major underlying factor of the debt mentioned is marriage debt amassed while marrying off a number of daughters, and there are still more to be married off (!). Recently, I received a letter written not by a Rabbi on behalf of a family, but by the family themselves. To me this is indicative of a worsening situation, but I haven't been on these mailing lists nearly as long as many of my readers. And, of course, there are the door-to-door meshulachim who sometimes collect for others, sometimes for themselves. And they too are often looking for dollars to buy a dirah to marry off a daughter, or are looking for help in paying their marriage debt.

One might say that all tzedakah is tzedakah. But, it remains that the best type of tzedakah is money given to help a person become self-sufficient and retain dignity (i.e. money invested for the future, not money used to pay for the past). When we give tzedakah, I think it is helpful to ask if we are "investing" in a future, or "propping up" the present or the past . I want to see Torah not just survive, but thrive, everywhere, but especially in Eretz Yisrael. And, if I am going to give my ma'aser dollars to a cause, I want to see those dollars become an investment in the future.

Unfortunately, with the Israeli system as it is (and I believe it is enormously less flexible that the American system is), I predict that after Rabbi and Mrs. X are rescued from their financial hell by the generosity of those who respond to the letters, that five years later they will have re-entered that financial hell and will be back at point A. The point I made here remains: we cannot stop the "viscous cycle of poverty" unless we invest in products that help build a better financial future.

Time will only tell the future of the current system, both in Israel and in America. Many poskim will tell you that the system is crazy but we can't deny money because this is the only way to marry off daughters in that system. But in my opinion, "tradition" is not a good enough reason to invest in the horse and buggy factory.

(On a side note: I've addressed some of the middot issues perpetrated by the American system of demanding money from mechutanim in what might have been my most popular post. Israeli Chareidim live very austere lives that we can’t even imagine for the most part, but the system is certainly are perpetrating its own middot issues as evidenced by the article. The foundation of Jewish family life is strong families characterized by ma'asim tovim-l’Torah, l’Chuppah, u’l’ma’asim tovim. Supporting strong families living in shalom is paramount. Being impractical on the financial front, while putting money at the top of the shidduch requirement list is bound to backfire. Orthomom addresses a report on the Israeli divorce rate which is rapidly increasing in religious quarters, and I have to wonder if the system is weakening marriage and family, which in turn weakens Torah. Let's hope this is not the case).

A Blog Roundup: Tuesday, October 24, 2006

It has been a while since I've run a blog roundup and I've missed linking to plenty of interesting conversations. But I just wanted to point everyone to some posts I find interesting. If I left you out, just put a link in the comments section and I will try to add a link.

Shidduchim:
Ariella of Kallah Magazine has questions and is looking for input regarding shidduchim. Check out her questions and add your thoughts.

A cross between a financial post and a shidduch post is Harry Maryles' post "Looking for Mr. Torah." I don't know much about the seminary circuit or curriculums offered. I do know that many young ladies return from Eretz Yisrael with a very rigid expectations of their future husband. And, this certainly makes arranging shidduchim difficult, to say the least. Harry estimates the cost of the year in Israel at a minimum of $14,000. I'd say that if parents agree to fund the life of a young kollel couple and all that the future entails, the cost increases exponentially.

Financial:
Ariella asks, what is the average cost of a frum wedding? I'd like to know the answer myself. She posts some averages on non-Jewish weddings and non-Jewish weddings in the NY/NJ/PA area and elsewhere.

A brief look through the websites sighted shows that these astronomical figures include some of the pre-wedding activities, like the "rehearsal dinner" which is absent in frum weddings. But, of course, we manage to find a way to spend a ton with the vort(s) or l'chaim(s). And, the figures seem to include wedding jewelry, including the engagement ring. But, the average amount for those costs is nowhere near what I believe the average frum couple spends on the ring alone, much less the myriad of "required" engagement gifts. And, of course, non-Jewish couples aren't buying custom sheitels or having sheva brachot. So, I imagine the average cost of a frum wedding is at least 150% of the average overall costs, if not more. What is your guess?

Evanston Jew makes an accurate observation that the economic issues of frum life are made worse because we are a "face-to-face" society, where everyone knows each other and standards are set. I've made the same argument. It is unique to live in a society where there is tremendous wealth and tremendous poverty side-by-side. (I'd argue that the discrepancy in incomes is found in very few tight knit communities outside of the frum community, if any). Evanston Jew also contemplates the minimum income needed to afford a frum life. He starts at a figure of $100,000. What do you think?

Ezzie critiques my last budgeting post and adds some very important points geared toward young couples. Thanks Ezzie!

Chinuch:

My friend OutOfTown posts about a new program at her son's school to teach middos. I am generally skeptical about programs designed to teach middot, since I believe that they are best learned through "osmosis" and by creating appropriate environments, but more about that another time. (Note: Certainly hashkafic concepts can and should be taught through Torah sources.) But, this program looks really unique because it involves not only the Rebbes/Morahs, but the entire staff including the limudei chol staff. Hopefully it will be a success and hopefully OutofTown will give us regular updates on the program.

And speaking of chinuch (crossed with financials), MominIsrael tells us about how some pre-schools are marketing to pre-schoolers. The subject of marketing to pre-schools I believe is loaded with halachic and ethical issues. It reminded me of a post I made long ago about schools adding to the already large financial burden placed on parents by involving them in financial issues.

Looking forward to seeing your insightful comments on these links. My apologies if I left anyone out.