Variety Post: Links and Comments on a Whole Bunch of Stuff

Poverty in Eretz Yisrael

(Hat Tip: Esther) Jonathan Rosenblum has just published a column "Can We Talk Seriously About Poverty?"

He details many of the side-effects of crushing poverty:

• Increased defection rates, inability to provide children with services they need to thrive in the Chareidi community, potential association of Torah with deprivation and strife amongst youth.
• Inviting the yetzer hara into financial dealings. This year alone here in America we have had enough arrests here to fill a book. From Spinka earlier in the year to Wextrust just this month, the DOJ, IRS, and SEC have enough work to keep their lawyers busy for a long time to come. Get rich scams are prevelant in the Orthodox community. I detailed my disappointment when the Yated an a free advertisement for one such scheme. Vosizneias recently ran a warning about the Goji scam which has apparantely become quite popular in certain enclaves. Gambling is also a growing problem. And a lot of what passes for "investment" looks more like gambling. Yashrut is seriously lacking, but that really shouldn't come as a surprise because where desperation is the rule, you can be sure that the yetzer hara will win. Chazal told us this long ago in Pirkei Avot.
• Loss of self-respect when one depends on others.
• Putting money first in shidduchim is causing marital problems.
• Serious health issues.

What Mr. Rosenblum does not do is offer any answers. He knows the solutions of the past (greater government support, contributions from Jews abroad, and adopting a simpler lifestyle) have failed and will only continue to fail. And, while he claims not to have any solutions writing, "What the solutions might be I do not know. But it is clear that we cannot afford to hide our heads in the sand and not address the issue," I believe that the real issue is that he, nor any respected member of the Chareidi community, is actually allowed to "Talk Seriously About Poverty." Planting questions is as much "talking" as is allowed, if that.

Talking about poverty will expose an education system that is leaving its constituents unable to thrive in a 21st century job market. (You can't even talk about jobs until you talk about job preparations). Talking about poverty will challenge the community leaders and Gedolim, which challenges the heart of the community. Talking about poverty will bring up questions of prudence in regards to young marriage and extremely large families, defining factors of this community.

Talking about poverty simply isn't something the community is ready to do. In America, we have a similar issue when it comes to Yeshiva Tuition. We all know the problem is huge. But real talking isn't taking place yet. Hopefully it will take place before economic reality really takes over.

Update: The Wolf has also made some comments and Rabbi Horowitz posted the article. A commentor at Cross-Currents believes the problem will solve itself when unemployed/underemployed Chareidim do what immigrant groups always do: work menial jobs, start small businesses, and educate their children. I think we would all like to believe that. But, I would say there has bee a serious change of work ethic and business has also changed. Perhaps in a few years we will all be hiring Chareidi cleaning help?

Reputations, Shidduchim, and Criminals

As Jonathan Rosenblum related in his article, con-men run free in the Orthodox community because of financial desperation. Another type of man that runs free are molesters and rapists. The desperation here is none other than shidduchim. And this desperation turns tzedek, yashrut, and rachamim on its head. In Boro Park, police have DNA evidence that links the abduction and sexual assault of a 4 year old to that of a 14 year old.

Scared that their daughters will lack shidduchim in the future (no thanks to community members who lack the ability to keep their lips zipped), the police can't get much cooperation from the families. And, so another sexual criminal runs free to rape more young Jewish girls.

Chinuch and Crime Control

Rabbi Horowitz posted an article on chinuch written by a Rabbi Brezak. The story behind the article is that boys were caught on camera vandalizing the girls school and causing serious financial loss. After the boys were told that the principal might turn over the video, the criminal activity stopped.

The author then writes, "At first glance, the way this incident was handled appears to be chinuch at its best. The boys were made aware that their unscrupulous deeds would bring them dire consequences, thus discouraging them from similar antics in the future.
However, after careful examination, we realize that this is not chinuch; it is crime control."

Perhaps I am missing something (I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time), but it seems that whatever chinuch these boys should have received vis a vis not damaging other people's stuff was lost upon them and that "crime control" (and under the category of crime control I would include RESTITUTION) is "chinuch at its best" this point. These boys need to understand that their actions have consequences and, while it would have been nice if they understood this before going out and damaging property, they don't and now they need consequences.

More on property damage later. This subject is one that desperately needs addressed and I might as well take the bait later.

Kids Need a Multi-Thousand Dollar Experience to Learn these Skills?

The Aish.com Mom Blog author, Emuna Braverman, hails the glory of camp writing:

"At camp, kids learn some basic cleanup skills (can I brag about my daughter's bunks 10+ neatness grade?), some laundry skills and most of all, some interpersonal and conflict resolution skills. They are thrown together with the other girls 24/7 and they have to work their issues out (even when someone dares to touch their things or sit on their bed!). They learn to negotiate the complicated weaving of new friendships and old ones. They learn about kindness and about sharing (woe to the camper who hoards a care package!). They learn about team spirit and how to really create unity through everyone's involvement."

Camp has been sold to the Orthodox community as a complete necessity, rather than a luxury. And, as such, I've seen many articles, letters to the editors, etc, glorifying the learning experience of camp. This is not the first time I've heard about basic cleanup and laundry skills as a big plus. Am I the only one who find it ridiculous to think kids *need* a multi-thousand dollar experience to learn to take some basic responsibility? If so, our kids have been catered to far too much. The skills named certainly can be learned without spending somewhere between $2000 to $6000 a month, especially when the parents are hurting to provide this experience.

Propping up an Ailing System

Charlie Hall sent me a link to this article which describes the Israeli Chareidi system of marriage which includes a massive dowries for daughters (50-100% of an apartment, wedding costs, and possibly a small monthly stipend or "start up" costs for a young couple) which have devoured any savings that the parents might have and more often than not have put parents into enormous amounts of debts. At a certain point the spiraling debt becomes unmanageable as more and more money has been borrowed from one gemach to pay another gemach. Wolfish Musings and Harry Maryles have already offered their comments on the article, but I am entering the conversation from another angle.

I have yet to write about Israeli Orthonomic issues on this blog because I have not seen the system up close and personal. As such, I normally concentrate on the American scene. However, the particular issue of "buying chatanim," is not purely an Israeli that does not concern us. It is, or at least should be, as much an American concern too. After all, "we" are asked to support this system by door-to-door meshulachim and by the numerous letters which arrive in our mailboxes. And, we do support it at the expense of our own institutions that are oftentimes suffering tremendously. And, if the institutions aren't suffering, there are parents out there who are being crushed under the burden of tuition. As such, the Israeli Orthonomic system should be a huge concern for us.

We are supporting this system at the expense of our own institutions and we should know if we are making a sound investment, or just propping up an ailing system, delaying a near inevitable train wreck (not trying to be pessimistic or anything). I have no doubt in my mind that mass Torah learning is of great import and I have no doubt that mass Torah learning in Israel has benefited the American community at large, other European communities, as well as the entire world in the metaphysical sense. That is why I am concerned. We need to be investing in Torah, and I'm afraid that the system of "poverty by choice," combined with the expectation of massive dowries (this is not to say these couples are living high off the hog--they aren't!), and family size in the double digits, is failed economic policy that could eventually be failed spiritual policy, and as such is becoming akin to investing money into a horse and buggy factory. Building a bayit ne'eman b'yisrael is not just for something for the current generation, but is a responsibility for future generations, and therefore there must be an eye on the future.

Nearly every letter outlines the same situation. A Rabbi in America with a well known name appeals to the American community to help relieve an tremendous talmid chacham and his wife of the tremendous debt built up over the years. While there are sometimes extraordinary circumstances mentioned, nearly every time the major underlying factor of the debt mentioned is marriage debt amassed while marrying off a number of daughters, and there are still more to be married off (!). Recently, I received a letter written not by a Rabbi on behalf of a family, but by the family themselves. To me this is indicative of a worsening situation, but I haven't been on these mailing lists nearly as long as many of my readers. And, of course, there are the door-to-door meshulachim who sometimes collect for others, sometimes for themselves. And they too are often looking for dollars to buy a dirah to marry off a daughter, or are looking for help in paying their marriage debt.

One might say that all tzedakah is tzedakah. But, it remains that the best type of tzedakah is money given to help a person become self-sufficient and retain dignity (i.e. money invested for the future, not money used to pay for the past). When we give tzedakah, I think it is helpful to ask if we are "investing" in a future, or "propping up" the present or the past . I want to see Torah not just survive, but thrive, everywhere, but especially in Eretz Yisrael. And, if I am going to give my ma'aser dollars to a cause, I want to see those dollars become an investment in the future.

Unfortunately, with the Israeli system as it is (and I believe it is enormously less flexible that the American system is), I predict that after Rabbi and Mrs. X are rescued from their financial hell by the generosity of those who respond to the letters, that five years later they will have re-entered that financial hell and will be back at point A. The point I made here remains: we cannot stop the "viscous cycle of poverty" unless we invest in products that help build a better financial future.

Time will only tell the future of the current system, both in Israel and in America. Many poskim will tell you that the system is crazy but we can't deny money because this is the only way to marry off daughters in that system. But in my opinion, "tradition" is not a good enough reason to invest in the horse and buggy factory.

(On a side note: I've addressed some of the middot issues perpetrated by the American system of demanding money from mechutanim in what might have been my most popular post. Israeli Chareidim live very austere lives that we can’t even imagine for the most part, but the system is certainly are perpetrating its own middot issues as evidenced by the article. The foundation of Jewish family life is strong families characterized by ma'asim tovim-l’Torah, l’Chuppah, u’l’ma’asim tovim. Supporting strong families living in shalom is paramount. Being impractical on the financial front, while putting money at the top of the shidduch requirement list is bound to backfire. Orthomom addresses a report on the Israeli divorce rate which is rapidly increasing in religious quarters, and I have to wonder if the system is weakening marriage and family, which in turn weakens Torah. Let's hope this is not the case).

A Blog Roundup: Tuesday, October 24, 2006

It has been a while since I've run a blog roundup and I've missed linking to plenty of interesting conversations. But I just wanted to point everyone to some posts I find interesting. If I left you out, just put a link in the comments section and I will try to add a link.

Shidduchim:
Ariella of Kallah Magazine has questions and is looking for input regarding shidduchim. Check out her questions and add your thoughts.

A cross between a financial post and a shidduch post is Harry Maryles' post "Looking for Mr. Torah." I don't know much about the seminary circuit or curriculums offered. I do know that many young ladies return from Eretz Yisrael with a very rigid expectations of their future husband. And, this certainly makes arranging shidduchim difficult, to say the least. Harry estimates the cost of the year in Israel at a minimum of $14,000. I'd say that if parents agree to fund the life of a young kollel couple and all that the future entails, the cost increases exponentially.

Financial:
Ariella asks, what is the average cost of a frum wedding? I'd like to know the answer myself. She posts some averages on non-Jewish weddings and non-Jewish weddings in the NY/NJ/PA area and elsewhere.

A brief look through the websites sighted shows that these astronomical figures include some of the pre-wedding activities, like the "rehearsal dinner" which is absent in frum weddings. But, of course, we manage to find a way to spend a ton with the vort(s) or l'chaim(s). And, the figures seem to include wedding jewelry, including the engagement ring. But, the average amount for those costs is nowhere near what I believe the average frum couple spends on the ring alone, much less the myriad of "required" engagement gifts. And, of course, non-Jewish couples aren't buying custom sheitels or having sheva brachot. So, I imagine the average cost of a frum wedding is at least 150% of the average overall costs, if not more. What is your guess?

Evanston Jew makes an accurate observation that the economic issues of frum life are made worse because we are a "face-to-face" society, where everyone knows each other and standards are set. I've made the same argument. It is unique to live in a society where there is tremendous wealth and tremendous poverty side-by-side. (I'd argue that the discrepancy in incomes is found in very few tight knit communities outside of the frum community, if any). Evanston Jew also contemplates the minimum income needed to afford a frum life. He starts at a figure of $100,000. What do you think?

Ezzie critiques my last budgeting post and adds some very important points geared toward young couples. Thanks Ezzie!

Chinuch:

My friend OutOfTown posts about a new program at her son's school to teach middos. I am generally skeptical about programs designed to teach middot, since I believe that they are best learned through "osmosis" and by creating appropriate environments, but more about that another time. (Note: Certainly hashkafic concepts can and should be taught through Torah sources.) But, this program looks really unique because it involves not only the Rebbes/Morahs, but the entire staff including the limudei chol staff. Hopefully it will be a success and hopefully OutofTown will give us regular updates on the program.

And speaking of chinuch (crossed with financials), MominIsrael tells us about how some pre-schools are marketing to pre-schoolers. The subject of marketing to pre-schools I believe is loaded with halachic and ethical issues. It reminded me of a post I made long ago about schools adding to the already large financial burden placed on parents by involving them in financial issues.

Looking forward to seeing your insightful comments on these links. My apologies if I left anyone out.