A Yom Kippur Lesson from my Toddler
(Other bloggers are much, much better at taking everyday activities and deriving spiritual lessons, so please excuse my first attempt).
Recently, we had to discipline our toddler. The event that called for serious discipline couldn't have come at a worse time. After loading the dishwasher and tidying up, I was steps from the door, headed to a much awaited pre-Yom Kippur shiur. But, often, we parents have to put our own plans aside for the good of our children. And, this was one of those moments. Sadly, the pre-Yom Kippur shiur will have to wait until next year.
After the regular routine of walking our son back into his room each time he left it, he finally calmed down. My husband went into his room to give follow-up the discipline and told him that he needed to apologize to Mommy before he could continue with the regular bedtime routine.
At first he whispered "I'm" and stopped short. We snuggled him, held his hand, and gave him small kisses as we encouraged him to speak a little louder. But, he just couldn't, even though we could see how much he wanted to. Finally, after a short time, I fed the words one by one into his mouth and he softly whispered them back, averting his eyes much of the time.
To me, asking for mechila is a similar exercise. The desire is there, the incentive is there, but the words just will not leave the mouth, even when you know that the person from whom you are asking will only return your request with love.
On that note: please forgive me for any unkind words. And, to my very best friends who read my blog and know the personality behind the name. I love you very much and hope you will grant me mechila.
May everyone have an easy fast and may we all be sealed in the book of life.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Budgeting, Credit, and Debt
In light of the past and present discussions going on around the j-blogsphere, I thought I would finally kick off a series of posts about budgeting and debt. Quite honestly, it is difficult to know where to start because there are so many angles and factors to examine. So, I will put a few random thoughts below, take comments, and see where they lead me.
Chime in with any thoughts of your own, because finding a starting point for this subject is a challenge.
-->A rule of thumb: just because you qualify for credit, does not mean that you are capable of paying off the bill. Today there is a huge proliferation of available credit, and the marketing is strong and pervasive. On top of that, the "pushers" seem to loose no sleep over providing what can only be considered bad advice.
And, speaking of "pushing," just like the cigarette industry would prefer to get a person hooked young, so does the credit industry. College campuses, on any given day, are swarming with "pushers" who try to hook you in with a candy bar, t-shirt, or other gimmick. While having access to credit can be very positive (cashless transactions, rewards programs for certain cards, ability to rent a car or hotel room), many people are clueless about how to use credit and find themselves spiraling into debt. I am trying to locate some solid stats, but it seems that the average college student is graduating today with credit card debt. Add this to student loan debt, and the picture is grim.
Take, for example, our most recent trip to a mortgage broker. He pre-qualified us for a mortgage (30-year fixed) up to an insane amount. Should we loose our heads and buy a house with a mortgage of that amount, the monthly payment + escrow payment (an amount bound to increase when the taxpayers go to the polls), would nearly equal, if not exceed, our household's monthly income. Obviously, this would be toxic.
--> And, speaking of marketing, a rule of thumb: buyer beware. There is plenty of bad information out there being provided by your friendly credit card company, bank, or mortgage company. Take for example a recent promotional piece of mail, complete with checks to be drawn on my account (which will be shredded when this post is complete). The company encouraged me to use my "credit card access checks" for a "trip to [my] local home improvement center." This is stupid advice!!! Yes, stupid advice. Let's say I spend $100 on paint at my local home improvement center and I pay with my credit card. I will have approximately 3 weeks from the date of closing of the credit card statement to pay the balance without penalty. So long as I pay my credit card balance, I only owe $100. And, even if I can't pay off the credit card, it takes at least three weeks from the date of purchase for the interest to start building on that purchase. But, if I buy that same paint with a "credit card access check" the interest kicks in immediately. So, I will be paying interest for at least the time it takes to make a payment to the credit card company.
Another product that is being pushed is a credit card that gives you access to your home equity line of credit (HELOC). Just like above, interest kicks in immediately, and worse yet (!) if you can't pay off the HELOC, your home serves as the collateral, which could lead to foreclosure.
-->Rule of thumb: Budgeting should be done in the present. Too many people end up experiencing budget and debt problems when they budget their spending according to what they assume they will receive. Sadly enough, not every bonus that is indicated materializes, not every employer is honest, and plenty of clients do not pay their bills or pay on time. (See past post: Getting Paid on Time).
And, to tie budgeting a debt together, let's talk about student loans. There are those who would like to believe that graduating from XYZ grad school will mean walking down easystreet. So, they take out the loans with the presumption that they will be working for this firm that pays this amount, only to discover that there are low paying [law] jobs out there too. So, when budgeting for "good debt" or "neutral debt" or "bad debt," once again, realistic budgeting is key.
--> Rule of thumb: Do your research. If you are buying a car (new or used), you should be getting an insurance quote from your insurance company. If you are buying a home, you should be inquiring about the history of the utility bills. If you are renting an apartment, you need to find out what the current rental rates are, not assuming that you will be renting at the same rate your friend is. When you are taking out a health insurance plan through your employer, you need to find out how much they cover and what will be coming out of your paycheck. And, speaking of what comes out of your paycheck, you need to budget properly for taxes or you could find yourself with an unexpected bill come April 15.
And, speaking of research: parents who are supporting their married children should do their research too. Just recently someone mentioned that a family agreed to pay rent for their recently married children. They assumed rent was around $X, only to find out that they would be paying something like $600 more a month. Clearly their information on rental rates was years out of date. But, in the world of shidduchim, an agreement is an agreement. So, I wish them luck, because, from what I hear of the chatan's educational plans, they will be in for the long haul.
In light of the past and present discussions going on around the j-blogsphere, I thought I would finally kick off a series of posts about budgeting and debt. Quite honestly, it is difficult to know where to start because there are so many angles and factors to examine. So, I will put a few random thoughts below, take comments, and see where they lead me.
Chime in with any thoughts of your own, because finding a starting point for this subject is a challenge.
-->A rule of thumb: just because you qualify for credit, does not mean that you are capable of paying off the bill. Today there is a huge proliferation of available credit, and the marketing is strong and pervasive. On top of that, the "pushers" seem to loose no sleep over providing what can only be considered bad advice.
And, speaking of "pushing," just like the cigarette industry would prefer to get a person hooked young, so does the credit industry. College campuses, on any given day, are swarming with "pushers" who try to hook you in with a candy bar, t-shirt, or other gimmick. While having access to credit can be very positive (cashless transactions, rewards programs for certain cards, ability to rent a car or hotel room), many people are clueless about how to use credit and find themselves spiraling into debt. I am trying to locate some solid stats, but it seems that the average college student is graduating today with credit card debt. Add this to student loan debt, and the picture is grim.
Take, for example, our most recent trip to a mortgage broker. He pre-qualified us for a mortgage (30-year fixed) up to an insane amount. Should we loose our heads and buy a house with a mortgage of that amount, the monthly payment + escrow payment (an amount bound to increase when the taxpayers go to the polls), would nearly equal, if not exceed, our household's monthly income. Obviously, this would be toxic.
--> And, speaking of marketing, a rule of thumb: buyer beware. There is plenty of bad information out there being provided by your friendly credit card company, bank, or mortgage company. Take for example a recent promotional piece of mail, complete with checks to be drawn on my account (which will be shredded when this post is complete). The company encouraged me to use my "credit card access checks" for a "trip to [my] local home improvement center." This is stupid advice!!! Yes, stupid advice. Let's say I spend $100 on paint at my local home improvement center and I pay with my credit card. I will have approximately 3 weeks from the date of closing of the credit card statement to pay the balance without penalty. So long as I pay my credit card balance, I only owe $100. And, even if I can't pay off the credit card, it takes at least three weeks from the date of purchase for the interest to start building on that purchase. But, if I buy that same paint with a "credit card access check" the interest kicks in immediately. So, I will be paying interest for at least the time it takes to make a payment to the credit card company.
Another product that is being pushed is a credit card that gives you access to your home equity line of credit (HELOC). Just like above, interest kicks in immediately, and worse yet (!) if you can't pay off the HELOC, your home serves as the collateral, which could lead to foreclosure.
-->Rule of thumb: Budgeting should be done in the present. Too many people end up experiencing budget and debt problems when they budget their spending according to what they assume they will receive. Sadly enough, not every bonus that is indicated materializes, not every employer is honest, and plenty of clients do not pay their bills or pay on time. (See past post: Getting Paid on Time).
And, to tie budgeting a debt together, let's talk about student loans. There are those who would like to believe that graduating from XYZ grad school will mean walking down easystreet. So, they take out the loans with the presumption that they will be working for this firm that pays this amount, only to discover that there are low paying [law] jobs out there too. So, when budgeting for "good debt" or "neutral debt" or "bad debt," once again, realistic budgeting is key.
--> Rule of thumb: Do your research. If you are buying a car (new or used), you should be getting an insurance quote from your insurance company. If you are buying a home, you should be inquiring about the history of the utility bills. If you are renting an apartment, you need to find out what the current rental rates are, not assuming that you will be renting at the same rate your friend is. When you are taking out a health insurance plan through your employer, you need to find out how much they cover and what will be coming out of your paycheck. And, speaking of what comes out of your paycheck, you need to budget properly for taxes or you could find yourself with an unexpected bill come April 15.
And, speaking of research: parents who are supporting their married children should do their research too. Just recently someone mentioned that a family agreed to pay rent for their recently married children. They assumed rent was around $X, only to find out that they would be paying something like $600 more a month. Clearly their information on rental rates was years out of date. But, in the world of shidduchim, an agreement is an agreement. So, I wish them luck, because, from what I hear of the chatan's educational plans, they will be in for the long haul.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
We have a Winner!!!!Ladies and Gentleman, we have a winner! Unfortunately, we don't have a prize.
Anonymous poster at 7:41PM has stumbled upon the strange combinations of heksherim that can be found on my English Muffins sitting in my refrigerator: an OU and a Triangle-K.
To me, this was a downright bizarre combination of heksherim. Why pay for both of these heksherim? One provides a broad market. I can't imagine that the other heksher adds any other consumers. Just strange.
Congratulations to our winner. May you be blessed with a wonderful year and be sealed in the book of life. And, next time you win a competition, may you be blessed with an actual prize.
Glad everyone had fun with this. And, congrads to Mike Miller on the funniest post.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
A Guessing Game: Double-Heksherim
This is a fun and light-hearted post.
I just bought a product with a double heksher on it. Now uncommon, right? But, this combination of heksherim was just downright bizarre. The product was a common supermarket product, not a heimishe product.
Anyone want to venture a guess of which two heksherim appeared on this product?
The winner will be recognized with a follow-up post.
Update #1-Some Clues:
1. It is a common supermarket product available in any grocery store in the US, even in places like Idaho or Montana, i.e. it is not kosher meat/chicken or kosher cheese.
2. The heksherim are both indicate kashrut, i.e. one is not a hallal.
Update #2-Another Clue:
3. It makes sense, from a kashrut standpoint, to pay for one of the two heksherim. It does not make sense to pay for the other heksher.
This is a fun and light-hearted post.
I just bought a product with a double heksher on it. Now uncommon, right? But, this combination of heksherim was just downright bizarre. The product was a common supermarket product, not a heimishe product.
Anyone want to venture a guess of which two heksherim appeared on this product?
The winner will be recognized with a follow-up post.
Update #1-Some Clues:
1. It is a common supermarket product available in any grocery store in the US, even in places like Idaho or Montana, i.e. it is not kosher meat/chicken or kosher cheese.
2. The heksherim are both indicate kashrut, i.e. one is not a hallal.
Update #2-Another Clue:
3. It makes sense, from a kashrut standpoint, to pay for one of the two heksherim. It does not make sense to pay for the other heksher.
Heartwrenching Tuition Crisis Guest Post 2: Submitted by a Reader
In May 2006, I featured my first guest post from a reader on his personal tuition crisis. I recently received my second guest post on a personal tuition crisis on a different and important issue, namely the great mystery behind who qualifies for a scholarship.
I personally prefer more information to less information. I would like to know what the school's expectations are of parents in terms of tuition meeting tuition on their own: i.e., is tuition supposed to be paid for on a cash flow basis or a debt-flow basis (term coined by blogger friend JH)?
Do you have to be in debt to qualify for a scholarship? And, just how much debt? Do you need to dip into your savings? And, and to what point? And, which types of savings are you expected to dip into? Is enough room built the tuition equation to pay for basic, modest living expenses (food, gas, utilities, modest consumer expenses)? Or, are you expected to just pay the minimum on the credit card because room is not built in?
I've seen tuition assistance applications ask for children's income. I personally love to see teenagers "working hard for the money." But, I would hope that the money would be theirs to save, or spend as they and their families see fit(!). Do you expect a child's income to be used for household expenses (or even tuition or the extras that come with tuition), which takes away from any potential tuition reduction? I've seen tuition assistance applications ask for the amount of equity in your home? Do you expect parents to borrow against the home if tuition expenses cannot be met from income alone?
My guest poster touches upon these issues in the following post. Read on and leave your comments. And, a special thank you to guest poster 2. (I'm still taking submissions).
------------------------------------------------------
Here's my story:
A few years ago when we were very much in need we submitted all of our records to the school - every bit of personal information about our income and our spending. We were denied because we make more than we spend. Well, of COURSE we do - we lived in a tiny apartment and our kids wore hand me downs and we drove a dangerous and dying car to be able to pay for tuition!
I was very hurt and embarrassed by the whole process so I said to them I am a responsible parent and I will never put my children into harm's way financially, but I would really like to buy a house and I will never be able to afford one without a scholarship.
So they said so buy a house, then your income will exceed your expenses and you'll get the scholarship. I was really torn up about it, I even asked our Rabbi who said to do it - so I did.
AND GUESS WHAT!? We were refused again. I was literally crying on the phone to the new finance director who had just replaced the one who made me that promise the year before. My husband had to take a second job working nights and we had to use our savings to supplement. I feel like we were really duped. I know I sound bitter, but that REALLY hurt - begging for money twice and being refused like that.
Mercifully Hashem has saved our butts many times (we won the shul 50/50 raffle twice - I inherited a bit of money from a relative I never heard of, my in laws sent us a couple of checks, my grandmother quit driving and gave me her car) but it's so hard to depend on miracles. What will happen when my "luck" runs out?
In May 2006, I featured my first guest post from a reader on his personal tuition crisis. I recently received my second guest post on a personal tuition crisis on a different and important issue, namely the great mystery behind who qualifies for a scholarship.
I personally prefer more information to less information. I would like to know what the school's expectations are of parents in terms of tuition meeting tuition on their own: i.e., is tuition supposed to be paid for on a cash flow basis or a debt-flow basis (term coined by blogger friend JH)?
Do you have to be in debt to qualify for a scholarship? And, just how much debt? Do you need to dip into your savings? And, and to what point? And, which types of savings are you expected to dip into? Is enough room built the tuition equation to pay for basic, modest living expenses (food, gas, utilities, modest consumer expenses)? Or, are you expected to just pay the minimum on the credit card because room is not built in?
I've seen tuition assistance applications ask for children's income. I personally love to see teenagers "working hard for the money." But, I would hope that the money would be theirs to save, or spend as they and their families see fit(!). Do you expect a child's income to be used for household expenses (or even tuition or the extras that come with tuition), which takes away from any potential tuition reduction? I've seen tuition assistance applications ask for the amount of equity in your home? Do you expect parents to borrow against the home if tuition expenses cannot be met from income alone?
My guest poster touches upon these issues in the following post. Read on and leave your comments. And, a special thank you to guest poster 2. (I'm still taking submissions).
------------------------------------------------------
Here's my story:
A few years ago when we were very much in need we submitted all of our records to the school - every bit of personal information about our income and our spending. We were denied because we make more than we spend. Well, of COURSE we do - we lived in a tiny apartment and our kids wore hand me downs and we drove a dangerous and dying car to be able to pay for tuition!
I was very hurt and embarrassed by the whole process so I said to them I am a responsible parent and I will never put my children into harm's way financially, but I would really like to buy a house and I will never be able to afford one without a scholarship.
So they said so buy a house, then your income will exceed your expenses and you'll get the scholarship. I was really torn up about it, I even asked our Rabbi who said to do it - so I did.
AND GUESS WHAT!? We were refused again. I was literally crying on the phone to the new finance director who had just replaced the one who made me that promise the year before. My husband had to take a second job working nights and we had to use our savings to supplement. I feel like we were really duped. I know I sound bitter, but that REALLY hurt - begging for money twice and being refused like that.
Mercifully Hashem has saved our butts many times (we won the shul 50/50 raffle twice - I inherited a bit of money from a relative I never heard of, my in laws sent us a couple of checks, my grandmother quit driving and gave me her car) but it's so hard to depend on miracles. What will happen when my "luck" runs out?
Monday, September 25, 2006
OrthoDebt
Please visit AskShifra and contribute to here "Jewish Debt" post. Debt, and often staggering debt, is a huge issue in America, and the Orthodox world is not immune. However, the demands of an Orthodox life, can really exasperate the issue. Check out AskShifra, and hopefully I will be putting up a number of posts on budgeting and debt management soon that you can contribute your ideas to also.
Shana Tovah. And may we all be blessed with a healthy and adequate source of parnasah this year.
And, speaking of parnasah. I'm off to work with a client this morning.
Please visit AskShifra and contribute to here "Jewish Debt" post. Debt, and often staggering debt, is a huge issue in America, and the Orthodox world is not immune. However, the demands of an Orthodox life, can really exasperate the issue. Check out AskShifra, and hopefully I will be putting up a number of posts on budgeting and debt management soon that you can contribute your ideas to also.
Shana Tovah. And may we all be blessed with a healthy and adequate source of parnasah this year.
And, speaking of parnasah. I'm off to work with a client this morning.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
What was your Rosh Hashanah Sanity Saver?
Surprisingly enough, my absolutely necessary preparations for Shabbat and Yom Tov were completed by noontime. So, I was able to run my last load in the dishwasher and clear it out to store dirty dishes during the Yom Tov. We have a smallish kitchen that just doesn't seem to have enough countertop space and I hate watching the dishes pile up.* Since I was able to hide almost everything in the dishwasher or the oven, I was able to relax when I walked in the kitchen, which led to more enjoyment of the chag.
So, early preparation and an empty dishwasher turned out to be my sanity saver.
And, the extra bonus: while there is no more meat or fish left in our home. There are plenty of other leftovers. So, cooking will not be big on this week's "to do" list.
Hope everyone had a great Yom Tov. What was your sanity saver?
*Yes, I know I can wash dishes on yom tov. But, the grease backs the sink up and it isn't a pleasant experience. It is much easier to just run a few loads in the dishwasher later.
Surprisingly enough, my absolutely necessary preparations for Shabbat and Yom Tov were completed by noontime. So, I was able to run my last load in the dishwasher and clear it out to store dirty dishes during the Yom Tov. We have a smallish kitchen that just doesn't seem to have enough countertop space and I hate watching the dishes pile up.* Since I was able to hide almost everything in the dishwasher or the oven, I was able to relax when I walked in the kitchen, which led to more enjoyment of the chag.
So, early preparation and an empty dishwasher turned out to be my sanity saver.
And, the extra bonus: while there is no more meat or fish left in our home. There are plenty of other leftovers. So, cooking will not be big on this week's "to do" list.
Hope everyone had a great Yom Tov. What was your sanity saver?
*Yes, I know I can wash dishes on yom tov. But, the grease backs the sink up and it isn't a pleasant experience. It is much easier to just run a few loads in the dishwasher later.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Shanah Tovah Everyone
I want to take the time to wish my friends and my readers a l'shanah tovah. I hope that you will all have a sweet year with beracha, hatzlacha, and mazal. A special note to my friends, please forgive me now if I don't get a chance to call you tomorrow.
I am absolutely exhausted (mentally and physically) from a long week filled with one surprise after another, and I am just trying to make it through the old year and into the new year on two feet.
I am also a bit worried that there will be nothing to eat except the challot that I baked, a leftover soup, and a few canned goods that I purchased for the simanim, due to my physical exhaustion. On the positive front, I can report that this chag is not costing us an arm and a leg due to some smart shopping on my part.
Currently, I am sitting down right now to try to gain back a bit of physical strength so that I can actually start and finish the cooking. I am enjoying a rare moment of complete silence in my house and it is really something special.
Shanah Tovah and have a meaningful chag. As my toddler was yelling throughout the grocery store today, indiscriminately. . . Chag Sameach!
I want to take the time to wish my friends and my readers a l'shanah tovah. I hope that you will all have a sweet year with beracha, hatzlacha, and mazal. A special note to my friends, please forgive me now if I don't get a chance to call you tomorrow.
I am absolutely exhausted (mentally and physically) from a long week filled with one surprise after another, and I am just trying to make it through the old year and into the new year on two feet.
I am also a bit worried that there will be nothing to eat except the challot that I baked, a leftover soup, and a few canned goods that I purchased for the simanim, due to my physical exhaustion. On the positive front, I can report that this chag is not costing us an arm and a leg due to some smart shopping on my part.
Currently, I am sitting down right now to try to gain back a bit of physical strength so that I can actually start and finish the cooking. I am enjoying a rare moment of complete silence in my house and it is really something special.
Shanah Tovah and have a meaningful chag. As my toddler was yelling throughout the grocery store today, indiscriminately. . . Chag Sameach!
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Solicitation Season II:
The Readers Contribute Some More Do's and Don'ts (Thanks Readers!)
1. In the first post on the topic of effective solicitation, the do's and the don'ts, I mentioned how important it is not to insult the intelligence of your potential donor. Well, add do not insult the charitable causes of your donors either by telling them that your cause is more important than their pet cause. Just make a case for your organization.
--> It seems that an anonymous poster and I received the same massive mailing that included statements from prominent Rabbis telling the recipient to send his tzedakah money elsewhere. While I don't mind an honest discussion about priorities in giving I want to be inspired by your cause and make it my priority.
2. Do use proper spelling and grammar, especially if you claim to be an educational institution.
-->True story: I once let an organization know that they had made 6 grammatical mistakes in their mailing and that I would be more than happy to offer my services and proof their mailings before they went out, as I considered one of their programs to be quite worthy. The lady told me that nobody in the office noted any mistakes, so there must not be a problem.
3. Do let the donor know a basic breakdown of expenses as donors want to know that their money is headed to those who need it, not getting caught up in an administrative bureaucracy. No prospectus is needed. A brief statement, or a reference to the appropriate website should suffice.
--> I just received a very nice newsletter from an educational institution that included a breakdown of income and expenses, complete with visual graphs, a nice touch. I was particularly impressed how few funds were spent on development and administration. This institution really hit the nail on the head with their mailing and it was impressive.
4. Do deposit checks timely.
5. Do not insult your audience's religious level. (!)
The Readers Contribute Some More Do's and Don'ts (Thanks Readers!)
1. In the first post on the topic of effective solicitation, the do's and the don'ts, I mentioned how important it is not to insult the intelligence of your potential donor. Well, add do not insult the charitable causes of your donors either by telling them that your cause is more important than their pet cause. Just make a case for your organization.
--> It seems that an anonymous poster and I received the same massive mailing that included statements from prominent Rabbis telling the recipient to send his tzedakah money elsewhere. While I don't mind an honest discussion about priorities in giving I want to be inspired by your cause and make it my priority.
2. Do use proper spelling and grammar, especially if you claim to be an educational institution.
-->True story: I once let an organization know that they had made 6 grammatical mistakes in their mailing and that I would be more than happy to offer my services and proof their mailings before they went out, as I considered one of their programs to be quite worthy. The lady told me that nobody in the office noted any mistakes, so there must not be a problem.
3. Do let the donor know a basic breakdown of expenses as donors want to know that their money is headed to those who need it, not getting caught up in an administrative bureaucracy. No prospectus is needed. A brief statement, or a reference to the appropriate website should suffice.
--> I just received a very nice newsletter from an educational institution that included a breakdown of income and expenses, complete with visual graphs, a nice touch. I was particularly impressed how few funds were spent on development and administration. This institution really hit the nail on the head with their mailing and it was impressive.
4. Do deposit checks timely.
5. Do not insult your audience's religious level. (!)
Thursday, September 14, 2006
NYS Yeshiva Parents Association: Kickoff Meeting
I am thrilled to post an announcement from Mr. Elliot Pasik regarding the first meeting of the newly founded NYS Yeshiva Parents Association. I really, really wish that I could be present. You should see only continued momentum, bracha, and hatzlacha. I welcome guest posts from readers attending the meetings about the different ideas generated. Below is the announcement:
A meeting intended to explore new ways to address the modern challenges facing our yeshivas and day schools will be held Sunday, September 17, 2006, at 7:30 p.m. at the Young Israel of Long Beach, 120 Long Beach Blvd., corner West Penn St., Long Beach, NY.
Initially addressing the gathering will be Elliot Pasik, the attorney who successfully spearheaded the effort to pass a new law in New York that allows all nonpublic schools to fingerprint their prospective employees, and conduct national criminal background checks.
Additional issues the group plans to address include, the soaring cost of tuition; improved secular studies; health and exercise; and other areas of interest to yeshiva and day school parents. Legislative and other solutions to these areas of concern will be explored. Other parents and activists are expected to speak.
People with skills who want to get directly involved in the formation of this new group and its ongoing work are invited to attend, as well as those who simply want to learn about the challenges facing our schools, and families. RSVP is encouraged, but not required, at efpasik@aol.com; or, 516-578-0250.
I am thrilled to post an announcement from Mr. Elliot Pasik regarding the first meeting of the newly founded NYS Yeshiva Parents Association. I really, really wish that I could be present. You should see only continued momentum, bracha, and hatzlacha. I welcome guest posts from readers attending the meetings about the different ideas generated. Below is the announcement:
A meeting intended to explore new ways to address the modern challenges facing our yeshivas and day schools will be held Sunday, September 17, 2006, at 7:30 p.m. at the Young Israel of Long Beach, 120 Long Beach Blvd., corner West Penn St., Long Beach, NY.
Initially addressing the gathering will be Elliot Pasik, the attorney who successfully spearheaded the effort to pass a new law in New York that allows all nonpublic schools to fingerprint their prospective employees, and conduct national criminal background checks.
Additional issues the group plans to address include, the soaring cost of tuition; improved secular studies; health and exercise; and other areas of interest to yeshiva and day school parents. Legislative and other solutions to these areas of concern will be explored. Other parents and activists are expected to speak.
People with skills who want to get directly involved in the formation of this new group and its ongoing work are invited to attend, as well as those who simply want to learn about the challenges facing our schools, and families. RSVP is encouraged, but not required, at efpasik@aol.com; or, 516-578-0250.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Solicitation Season has Arrived
Well, it is that time of year again and my mailbox is stuffed to the brink. Everyday, new solicitations arrive, and I've been taking mental notes.
What makes for an effective message? What messages inspires action? What makes a solicitation hit the "to do" bin? What makes a solicitation hit the trash bin?
Here are some of my thoughts on solicitations,
Orthonomics' list of Do's and Don'ts:
1. Do be concise. Don't overwhelm the potential donor with too much information and/or too many graphics.
-->The quicker you make your case, the more likely you are to keep the attention of the reader. We all receive tons of mail everyday, much of which is junk. So, the quicker we can read through your piece of mail, the better, lest it hit the junk pile. A recent solicitation I received has four glossy pages of small print, pictures, and side bars. This might be the norm, but it looses my attention at 10PM when I am sorting the mail before heading to head. There is a such thing as providing too much information. With the invention to the internet, I would suggest pointing those looking for more information to the appropriate website. If you don't have a website (as many organizations do not), don't use that as license to overwhelm the reader.
2. Do give the potential donor some assurance that the money is headed towards the cause they believe they are donating to.
--> One particular format that I have come to like is that of a particular organization that provides food and clothing for the poor in Israel. They send coupons for meat, groceries, etc, that are redemable at certain vendors. I think there is something nice about knowing where my donation is heading.
3. Do make a strong case for your cause or organization.
--> One recent solicitation extolled the virtues of publishing the calendar it published and what an important function the calendar served. I don't know about you, but I probably collect 10 calendars by Yom Kippur. Let's just say that I don't view calendars production as an important function of an institution. So, don't forget what your organization's actual mission is. Chances are it is not calendar production (!). And, if, for some reason, that is your institution's function, then at least make the calendar attractive.
4. Do make a brief, multi-faceted, case for your organization.
--> Recently I was pleased to receive a plea for funds for an established Yeshiva. Being that funding for Jewish education is one of my interests, I was very interested in how they would sell it! They certainly had made attempts to build a case for why their Yeshiva was important and why funding for it was important. But, they basically concentrated on the need for higher wages for Rebbeim and staff and the need to proper facilities. I doubt any of this is debatable. But, every potential donor has their own pet interest. So, it is good to look at the issues from a few other angles (briefly, of course), in order to appeal to more donors. Market research is a must.
5. Don't insult the intelligence of the potential donor.
--> I just received a solicitation with a calendar (surprise!). There were instructions in the solicitation letter on just how to a person uses a calendar to record appointments, events, etc. My goodness, if I am capable of writing a check, I hope I am capable of using your calendar. As it is said, sometimes less is more. This was definitely one of those cases!
--> Last year I received a solicitation telling me that a certain gadol had come to the headquarters and ascertained, during his brief visit, that all funds received are used properly. Now, as an accountant/auditor, my intelligence was insulted. My past work involved expending many hours testing transactions, following paper trails, verifying internal information with external sources, and more before I was able to conclude that an agency was operating properly. I guess I am not a gadol, because if I was, all I would have to do is take a look around and draw a conclusion.
6. Do welcome all donations. But, don't shoot too low if making a suggestion either.
--> One recent solicitation gave a suggested donation level that even I considered to be low for the purpose that it serves in the community. While it is terrible when an organization, or more likely a door-to-door solicitor, asks for way too much, scaring off the donor, or making them feel inadequate or cheap. It is just as bad to suggest a lower donation than most in the audience would consider giving. Since there is a fine line being walked, it might be better to refrain from suggesting an amount in the cover letter, and just include a card where donors can mark off the traditional amounts (i.e. $18, $36, etc) or fill in their own amount. But, when you are looking for greater donations, don't suggest lesser amounts.
7. Do go easy on the gloss. (In addition, do go easy of the promises of yeshuot and pictures of gedolim. Remember, your audience is much broader than those your organization serves).
--> Glossy is certainly attractive. But, while it attracts a certain segment of potential donors, it can also offend another set of potential donors. So, don't overwhelm with gloss.
--> On a related note, not everyone is impressed by promises of yeshuot, or even pictures of gedolim. So, here too, you might want to go easy and find a middle ground.
8. Do be timely. Jewish time is not the appropriate time to send out your notice.
--> Numerous times, including just this week, I received information for an event after the date of the event. Information should be timely and relevant. A person needs enough lead time to decide if they can attend an event or shiur. Each event requires its own amount of lead time. While I haven't done a study, I would theorize that the bigger the commitment, the larger the lead time needed. E.g., a banquet at $180 a head needs more lead time than a shiur or carnival that costs $5 or $10. But, I do know, that it is impossible to go to an event after the event has passed. So, do be timely.
9. Do inspire further action, especially after a successful event.
--> Once you have a donors enthusiasm and loyalty, don't leave them hanging. Follow-up and inspire further commitment before the next great organization comes along and captures their attention. (This point could inspire a post about follow-up in shidduch dating).
10. Do thank the donor in writing (the quicker the better).
--> Everyone likes to be appreciated. The quicker a thank you note (and tax receipt) is sent out, the better. Lack of acknowledgement doesn't make a donor feel wanted or appreciated and won't inspire further action (see #9). So, make sure to acknowledge all donors timely.
--> My alma mater recently sent out a newsletter thanking ALL donors, even those who gave a measly donation, and I mean measly. I am not a donor as there are just too many causes to support in my own community. But, I was very impressed that they acknowledged everyone.
Can't wait to hear your do's and don'ts regarding solicitations. I ask that no organizations be named. Any comments that reveal the name of an organization, especially in a negative light, will be promptly deleted, as I believe that most of the organizations are worthy (even if I would never write a check to them myself).
This post is dedicated to JH of JewishPros blog, who runs a valuable blog on non-profits. Check out his blog. It is a very valuable "Orthonomic" resource and I am learning a lot from it. Update: JH has posted his own Do's and Don'ts list. Fundraising is not my expertise (I just count beans). So check out his list. It is great.
Well, it is that time of year again and my mailbox is stuffed to the brink. Everyday, new solicitations arrive, and I've been taking mental notes.
What makes for an effective message? What messages inspires action? What makes a solicitation hit the "to do" bin? What makes a solicitation hit the trash bin?
Here are some of my thoughts on solicitations,
Orthonomics' list of Do's and Don'ts:
1. Do be concise. Don't overwhelm the potential donor with too much information and/or too many graphics.
-->The quicker you make your case, the more likely you are to keep the attention of the reader. We all receive tons of mail everyday, much of which is junk. So, the quicker we can read through your piece of mail, the better, lest it hit the junk pile. A recent solicitation I received has four glossy pages of small print, pictures, and side bars. This might be the norm, but it looses my attention at 10PM when I am sorting the mail before heading to head. There is a such thing as providing too much information. With the invention to the internet, I would suggest pointing those looking for more information to the appropriate website. If you don't have a website (as many organizations do not), don't use that as license to overwhelm the reader.
2. Do give the potential donor some assurance that the money is headed towards the cause they believe they are donating to.
--> One particular format that I have come to like is that of a particular organization that provides food and clothing for the poor in Israel. They send coupons for meat, groceries, etc, that are redemable at certain vendors. I think there is something nice about knowing where my donation is heading.
3. Do make a strong case for your cause or organization.
--> One recent solicitation extolled the virtues of publishing the calendar it published and what an important function the calendar served. I don't know about you, but I probably collect 10 calendars by Yom Kippur. Let's just say that I don't view calendars production as an important function of an institution. So, don't forget what your organization's actual mission is. Chances are it is not calendar production (!). And, if, for some reason, that is your institution's function, then at least make the calendar attractive.
4. Do make a brief, multi-faceted, case for your organization.
--> Recently I was pleased to receive a plea for funds for an established Yeshiva. Being that funding for Jewish education is one of my interests, I was very interested in how they would sell it! They certainly had made attempts to build a case for why their Yeshiva was important and why funding for it was important. But, they basically concentrated on the need for higher wages for Rebbeim and staff and the need to proper facilities. I doubt any of this is debatable. But, every potential donor has their own pet interest. So, it is good to look at the issues from a few other angles (briefly, of course), in order to appeal to more donors. Market research is a must.
5. Don't insult the intelligence of the potential donor.
--> I just received a solicitation with a calendar (surprise!). There were instructions in the solicitation letter on just how to a person uses a calendar to record appointments, events, etc. My goodness, if I am capable of writing a check, I hope I am capable of using your calendar. As it is said, sometimes less is more. This was definitely one of those cases!
--> Last year I received a solicitation telling me that a certain gadol had come to the headquarters and ascertained, during his brief visit, that all funds received are used properly. Now, as an accountant/auditor, my intelligence was insulted. My past work involved expending many hours testing transactions, following paper trails, verifying internal information with external sources, and more before I was able to conclude that an agency was operating properly. I guess I am not a gadol, because if I was, all I would have to do is take a look around and draw a conclusion.
6. Do welcome all donations. But, don't shoot too low if making a suggestion either.
--> One recent solicitation gave a suggested donation level that even I considered to be low for the purpose that it serves in the community. While it is terrible when an organization, or more likely a door-to-door solicitor, asks for way too much, scaring off the donor, or making them feel inadequate or cheap. It is just as bad to suggest a lower donation than most in the audience would consider giving. Since there is a fine line being walked, it might be better to refrain from suggesting an amount in the cover letter, and just include a card where donors can mark off the traditional amounts (i.e. $18, $36, etc) or fill in their own amount. But, when you are looking for greater donations, don't suggest lesser amounts.
7. Do go easy on the gloss. (In addition, do go easy of the promises of yeshuot and pictures of gedolim. Remember, your audience is much broader than those your organization serves).
--> Glossy is certainly attractive. But, while it attracts a certain segment of potential donors, it can also offend another set of potential donors. So, don't overwhelm with gloss.
--> On a related note, not everyone is impressed by promises of yeshuot, or even pictures of gedolim. So, here too, you might want to go easy and find a middle ground.
8. Do be timely. Jewish time is not the appropriate time to send out your notice.
--> Numerous times, including just this week, I received information for an event after the date of the event. Information should be timely and relevant. A person needs enough lead time to decide if they can attend an event or shiur. Each event requires its own amount of lead time. While I haven't done a study, I would theorize that the bigger the commitment, the larger the lead time needed. E.g., a banquet at $180 a head needs more lead time than a shiur or carnival that costs $5 or $10. But, I do know, that it is impossible to go to an event after the event has passed. So, do be timely.
9. Do inspire further action, especially after a successful event.
--> Once you have a donors enthusiasm and loyalty, don't leave them hanging. Follow-up and inspire further commitment before the next great organization comes along and captures their attention. (This point could inspire a post about follow-up in shidduch dating).
10. Do thank the donor in writing (the quicker the better).
--> Everyone likes to be appreciated. The quicker a thank you note (and tax receipt) is sent out, the better. Lack of acknowledgement doesn't make a donor feel wanted or appreciated and won't inspire further action (see #9). So, make sure to acknowledge all donors timely.
--> My alma mater recently sent out a newsletter thanking ALL donors, even those who gave a measly donation, and I mean measly. I am not a donor as there are just too many causes to support in my own community. But, I was very impressed that they acknowledged everyone.
Can't wait to hear your do's and don'ts regarding solicitations. I ask that no organizations be named. Any comments that reveal the name of an organization, especially in a negative light, will be promptly deleted, as I believe that most of the organizations are worthy (even if I would never write a check to them myself).
This post is dedicated to JH of JewishPros blog, who runs a valuable blog on non-profits. Check out his blog. It is a very valuable "Orthonomic" resource and I am learning a lot from it. Update: JH has posted his own Do's and Don'ts list. Fundraising is not my expertise (I just count beans). So check out his list. It is great.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Disciplining Other People's Children III
This is my final installment on this subject (see posts I and II). It seems that the subject of disciplining other people's children is fairly universal, at least in America. I just wanted to point out a
This article in a Christian publication gives some guidelines that seem quite sound. She states that your authority to discipline depends on the location, and she is particularly strong about a parent's right/duty to discipline other people's children in their own home. The author states, "Your authority to discipline other people's children differs depending on where you are." She also states "You might feel uncomfortable playing the tough parent, but for the sake of your own children, you need to hold visiting children to the same standards of kindness, courtesy, and respect you have for them. It can be very confusing for your child to see a friend getting away with behaviors your child has been told are unacceptable." I could not agree more.
The author also states, "In public settings, low-key intervention that doesn't scream "discipline" can be best, especially if the other parent is present, but not stepping in." "When you're in public, think in terms of modeling positive behavior," says Simon. "That way, the intervening parent is not saying one child is right or wrong but is acting as a mediating influence." This too seems like a reasonable guideline.
The article is definitely a worthwhile read. And, based on her section about disciplining other people's children in the church setting. . . it seems that we shul goers share a great deal in common with our church going neighbors. I guess one could say that misery loves company.
This is my final installment on this subject (see posts I and II). It seems that the subject of disciplining other people's children is fairly universal, at least in America. I just wanted to point out a
This article in a Christian publication gives some guidelines that seem quite sound. She states that your authority to discipline depends on the location, and she is particularly strong about a parent's right/duty to discipline other people's children in their own home. The author states, "Your authority to discipline other people's children differs depending on where you are." She also states "You might feel uncomfortable playing the tough parent, but for the sake of your own children, you need to hold visiting children to the same standards of kindness, courtesy, and respect you have for them. It can be very confusing for your child to see a friend getting away with behaviors your child has been told are unacceptable." I could not agree more.
The author also states, "In public settings, low-key intervention that doesn't scream "discipline" can be best, especially if the other parent is present, but not stepping in." "When you're in public, think in terms of modeling positive behavior," says Simon. "That way, the intervening parent is not saying one child is right or wrong but is acting as a mediating influence." This too seems like a reasonable guideline.
The article is definitely a worthwhile read. And, based on her section about disciplining other people's children in the church setting. . . it seems that we shul goers share a great deal in common with our church going neighbors. I guess one could say that misery loves company.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Children in Shul
The topic of children (which I will loosely define as children of all ages below bar/bat mitzvah who do not or cannot sit still during the part of the service that they are present for) is always a hot topic and a sensitive one at that. I've seen the subject of children in shul covered on many blogs as well as on other Jewish forums and it always evokes a lot of emotions and opinions.
Rarely do I run into a person who does not have strong feelings on the subject, whether he/she is a supporter of children coming to the synagogue or part of the opposition.
Some attendees want their service to be quiet, or at least they don't want the noise and disruption that all too often accompanies children. (We all know that many adults can be quite disruptive themselves).
Some attendees feel strongly that the Beit Knesset should be awe inspriring and children, especially young children, will not learn to internalize the yirat shomayim that should accompany a visit to the Beit Knesset if they are brought from young ages. (Unfortunately, many of us adults do not internalize this either).
Other adults (usually those that sit on the board or the financial committee) just don't want to see children running around unsupervised, since it all too often, brings a host of property damage issues. There is nothing fun about being responsible for finding the money in the budget to fix these problems, some of which can be quite costly. Of course, even if you know whose children are responsible for the damage, some argue that if you send a bill to the parents who allowed their children to run free in the first place, you risk loosing their membership for good. Those who argue this are probably right, although I still am of the persuasion that the rest of the members shouldn't have to pay for that plumbing damage, drywall damage, etc. But, what can you do?
Those who support children coming to the synagogue have their reasons too. Some want their children to be comfortable in the synagogue. They want their children to see it as their second home: a place that belongs to them.
Many mothers want the opportunity to pray with a minyan and will bring their children along too. They don't want to be cut off from the benefits that come with regular attendance at the synagogue, religious or social.
Still other mothers are just exhausted by the end of the week and want their young children out of the house so that they can get some much needed rest. So, they send all their children with their husband to shul. Oftentimes these husbands can be spotted in the hallways or kid's room, siddur in hand, trying to make their way through the tefillot and shuffling the child(ren) in and out for the repetition of the Amidah. Of course, there also seems to be a number of daveners who have the hallway davening habit engrained in them and can be seen doing so all days of the weeks, kids or no kids.
What I believe is often overlooked in the debate on the issue is SOLUTIONS that can please many, if not most people. The solutions I have listed below, I believe, give whole families (fathers, mothers, and children) the opportunity to attend the synagogue and take advantage of the benefits of doing so, while mitigating the issues that accompany children being unsupervised during tefillah.
I'd love to hear more solutions on how your family handles these issues? How your shul deals with these issues? What I'd love to hear is possible solutions to merge the positive aspects of taking kids to shul, while mitigating the negative problems associated with doing so. I think that would add a new dimension to a touchy, but important topic.
Solutions:
1. Husband goes to hashkama minyan. He gets his obligatory tefillah taken care of and returns to either take care the young children, those who will not benefit from the tefillah, while his wife goes to shul. The wife can take the children who are capable of sitting and saying some tefillot. Since she is not obliged in tefilla b'tzibur, she can remove any disrputive child(ren) immeidately.
2. Husband goes to hashkama minyan. He takes older children back to shul himself and sits with them and guides them through the tefillah. He has completed his tefillot and is free to walk out when a chil(ren) is no longer capable of maintaining the respect necessary for being in the synagoguge. The wife can get her break.
3. Wife goes to hashkama minyan. Husband watches children in the morning and switches with wife when she comes home. He is a little late for the pesukei d'zimra, but can catch up. (Chances are plenty of men are latter than he). If the parents want children to attend the service, they can walk over with the mother for the end of the main service and join in at the end for Anim Zemirot and Adon Olam, parts of Nussach Ashkenaz service that don't seem to have the same formalities as the rest of the tefillot.
The topic of children (which I will loosely define as children of all ages below bar/bat mitzvah who do not or cannot sit still during the part of the service that they are present for) is always a hot topic and a sensitive one at that. I've seen the subject of children in shul covered on many blogs as well as on other Jewish forums and it always evokes a lot of emotions and opinions.
Rarely do I run into a person who does not have strong feelings on the subject, whether he/she is a supporter of children coming to the synagogue or part of the opposition.
Some attendees want their service to be quiet, or at least they don't want the noise and disruption that all too often accompanies children. (We all know that many adults can be quite disruptive themselves).
Some attendees feel strongly that the Beit Knesset should be awe inspriring and children, especially young children, will not learn to internalize the yirat shomayim that should accompany a visit to the Beit Knesset if they are brought from young ages. (Unfortunately, many of us adults do not internalize this either).
Other adults (usually those that sit on the board or the financial committee) just don't want to see children running around unsupervised, since it all too often, brings a host of property damage issues. There is nothing fun about being responsible for finding the money in the budget to fix these problems, some of which can be quite costly. Of course, even if you know whose children are responsible for the damage, some argue that if you send a bill to the parents who allowed their children to run free in the first place, you risk loosing their membership for good. Those who argue this are probably right, although I still am of the persuasion that the rest of the members shouldn't have to pay for that plumbing damage, drywall damage, etc. But, what can you do?
Those who support children coming to the synagogue have their reasons too. Some want their children to be comfortable in the synagogue. They want their children to see it as their second home: a place that belongs to them.
Many mothers want the opportunity to pray with a minyan and will bring their children along too. They don't want to be cut off from the benefits that come with regular attendance at the synagogue, religious or social.
Still other mothers are just exhausted by the end of the week and want their young children out of the house so that they can get some much needed rest. So, they send all their children with their husband to shul. Oftentimes these husbands can be spotted in the hallways or kid's room, siddur in hand, trying to make their way through the tefillot and shuffling the child(ren) in and out for the repetition of the Amidah. Of course, there also seems to be a number of daveners who have the hallway davening habit engrained in them and can be seen doing so all days of the weeks, kids or no kids.
What I believe is often overlooked in the debate on the issue is SOLUTIONS that can please many, if not most people. The solutions I have listed below, I believe, give whole families (fathers, mothers, and children) the opportunity to attend the synagogue and take advantage of the benefits of doing so, while mitigating the issues that accompany children being unsupervised during tefillah.
I'd love to hear more solutions on how your family handles these issues? How your shul deals with these issues? What I'd love to hear is possible solutions to merge the positive aspects of taking kids to shul, while mitigating the negative problems associated with doing so. I think that would add a new dimension to a touchy, but important topic.
Solutions:
1. Husband goes to hashkama minyan. He gets his obligatory tefillah taken care of and returns to either take care the young children, those who will not benefit from the tefillah, while his wife goes to shul. The wife can take the children who are capable of sitting and saying some tefillot. Since she is not obliged in tefilla b'tzibur, she can remove any disrputive child(ren) immeidately.
2. Husband goes to hashkama minyan. He takes older children back to shul himself and sits with them and guides them through the tefillah. He has completed his tefillot and is free to walk out when a chil(ren) is no longer capable of maintaining the respect necessary for being in the synagoguge. The wife can get her break.
3. Wife goes to hashkama minyan. Husband watches children in the morning and switches with wife when she comes home. He is a little late for the pesukei d'zimra, but can catch up. (Chances are plenty of men are latter than he). If the parents want children to attend the service, they can walk over with the mother for the end of the main service and join in at the end for Anim Zemirot and Adon Olam, parts of Nussach Ashkenaz service that don't seem to have the same formalities as the rest of the tefillot.
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